Katawa Shoujo Forums

Moving elsewhere till i get some stuff sorted

but you just kept staRing at the wall.

Let me guess: You used search and replace to capitalize every instance of "rin" in the text?

Definitely nicely done for a practice piece. Good job of catching the "Rinniness"

Mirage_GSM wrote:

but you just kept staRing at the wall.

Let me guess: You used search and replace to capitalize every instance of "rin" in the text?

Definitely nicely done for a practice piece. Good job of catching the "Rinniness"

Yep, im generally very bad at remembering to capitalise names when in a writing swing. I normally catch little mistakes like that after my replace-search though, thanks for pointing it out.
/fixed

And thank you, Rin was a character I've always had an interest in, I'm glad my attempt of replicating her went okay.

This is actually surprisingly readable, considering the massive amount of grammatical mistakes. I'd suggest placing two carriage returns between each paragraph; it makes the piece easier to read. You've also switched up some homophones, although I forget where.

All this is easily forgivable, though. I'd suggest getting an editor for future pieces. Altogether I'd say good job, mostly on the basis of getting that particular Rin-esque quality to her dialogue.

forgetmenot wrote:This is actually surprisingly readable, considering the massive amount of grammatical mistakes. I'd suggest placing two carriage returns between each paragraph; it makes the piece easier to read. You've also switched up some homophones, although I forget where.

All this is easily forgivable, though. I'd suggest getting an editor for future pieces. Altogether I'd say good job, mostly on the basis of getting that particular Rin-esque quality to her dialogue.

Thank you! I've added the carriage returns and I agree, it certainly makes it easier to read. I've been searching for the homophones, cant for the life of me find them.

I must apologise for the grammatical errors, never really been my strong point, I've been working on it, but still have a long way to go. Ill be sure to get an editor for the next piece.

I really like your fic by the way, one of the first I started to follow.

As for grammatical errors, I thought they were not really worth mentioning, but if you want to know what to look out for, I'd say the apostrophe is missing from a few Genitives, and the "s" from a few third person verbs. Also a few prepositions feel a bit awkward (i.e. "stumped with")
Nothing seems to be consistently wrong, so I put it up to typos or sloppyness...

Moving elsewhere till i get some stuff sorted.

CoffeeDrive wrote:I nod small, moving my hands up to start unbuttoning her shirt. Tonight is going to be a good night. I'm glad I packed the condoms.

Classy. Meaning that actually, there's a sizable lapse. Hopefully it's intentional.

Also: "I nod small" ಠ_ಠ

Silentcook wrote:

CoffeeDrive wrote:I nod small, moving my hands up to start unbuttoning her shirt. Tonight is going to be a good night. I'm glad I packed the condoms.

Classy. Meaning that actually, there's a sizable lapse. Hopefully it's intentional.

Also: "I nod small" ಠ_ಠ

Whoops, that one was pointed out to me before as well, forgot to change it. Fixed now.
And it is entirely intentional, don't worry.

Come on man, you forgot the number one rule of H anime: condoms don't exist (except in Hanako's route for some reason...?)
Thanks for the upload, I really feel like this would happen after the ending

Yay, it's up!

SpunkySix wrote:Yay, it's up!

Indeed. And thank you again Spunky for the editing work. The horrendous amount of grammatical errors in the original draft makes me realise that I really need to brush up on my grammar skills.

CoffeeDrive wrote:

SpunkySix wrote:Yay, it's up!

Indeed. And thank you again Spunky for the editing work. The horrendous amount of grammatical errors in the original draft makes me realise that I really need to brush up on my grammar skills.

It's all good, you're welcome. Looking forward to the next part.

I haven't taken the opportunity to comment on how much I like this work, yet so let me do so now:

I like this work.

"I agree. We should get some food. Maybe we will see Emi, we can tell her that I'm your girlfriend now. But maybe she won't be there, if she still wants to be a pirate. She might have gone to do that already."

Or should I say, "Arrr, matey!"?