Katawa Shoujo Forums

Okay, so I have to admit that I've been deliberating posting this here, just because sometimes the quality isn't so good, and there's an awful lot 'borrowed' from the source (read, pulled directly), but having given it some thought, I decided, "Eh, fuck it."

... Actually, the thing about even bad fan fiction being a step in the right direction was what sold me. Consider that your one and only warning.

To summarize, this starts pretty close to where the original starts, and differs from the original due to the introduction of an OC, who is a total Marty Stu who will steal the show because that's how bad fan fiction writers roll. Right? Right. At the risk of potentially spoiling the work for whoever cares, pairings ultimately will be Hisao/Lilly and OC/Hanako. Hey, at least I left it in spoilers, for those who care about such things! Assuming, of course, anyone cares to actually read this travesty I'm about to inflict on--I mean, post to these forums. Still undecided if I should post more than this here, or just keep going on FFN. Eh!

So, without further ado... A story, from me, to you.

------------

Chapter 1: Ham On Wry

Brown eyes wandered over the black wrought iron gate skeptically. After a moment, they flickered to the red brick and gray plaster. The young man to whom the eyes belonged frowned.

It looked far too pompous for what it actually was, he decided. In fact, gates in general seem to do that, but this one especially so.

His thoughts were interrupted by another arrival. He wondered how he'd missed the newcomer, as he looked over at the other man who now stood beside him.

"Yo," said the newcomer with a nod before he looked at the gate and stroked his chin. "Huh, nice place. Very... hm. Art deco, I suppose. No, that doesn't seem right.... Gothic? Definitely not. Hm...." He switched from his chin to his head, and scratched the scalp underneath his very short dark brown hair. "Ah, it doesn't matter."

The newcomer's bluish-green eyes met the young man's brown eyes.

"You too?" The newcomer gestured with his head toward the buildings beyond the gate.

"That's right," the young man admitted, as he tried and failed to figure out where the newcomer's accent came from.

"Cool," said the newcomer. "Name's Maru. Given name. You?"

"Hisao," said the young man. "Hisao Nakai."

"Ah, pleasure to meet you," Maru said, and extended a hand while sizing Hisao up. Huh. Sweatervest. Don't see that too often. Kinda nerdy. Pretty normal seeming guy otherwise, really. Seems nice enough, at least. And brown idiot hair. Don't see too many ahoges, actually.

Hisao shook Maru's hand while returning the favor. Black shirt and shorts, white long sleeved button-up shirt unbuttoned... and an artificial leg. He looked away. "Thank you," he said after a moment. "Likewise," he added as an afterthought.

If Maru noticed Hisao looking at his leg, he gave no indication. "Not a problem," he replied as he looked back at the school. "So, what're you in for?"

Hisao stared at Maru, mouth open to reply, but not able to get a word out.

Maru winced slightly. "Ahh... touchy subject?"

"...A little bit," Hisao admitted.

"Ah, well, forget I asked then," Maru said with a wave of his hand. "Sorry, I pretty much ran out of tact a long time ago."

"It's fine," Hisao said evenly.

"As to me, well." Maru waved his left arm around.

Hisao noticed for the first time that there wasn't a hand sticking out from the long sleeve.

Maru pulled the sleeve downward, revealing why. It truncated abruptly a little over halfway down his forearm. Leading up to the stump was increasingly heavier scarring. "Suppose my reason's pretty obvious really," he said with an amused smirk.

Hisao blinked. "...I'm not sure how to respond to that, actually." Is it alright to joke about that sort of thing? What is with this guy?

Maru let out a barking laugh. "Don't worry about it, it's cool. Shit happens, and all that." He waved his hand dismissively. "I have to say though, this place is expensive as hell."

"Oh?" Hisao frowned. He didn't know how much his parents were spending to send him to Yamaku, but he knew it probably wasn't cheap.

"Yeah," Maru said as a grin split his face, revealing a missing canine on his lower right and a chipped incisor on his upper left. "This place costs an arm and a leg!"

"Uh." Hisao groaned as the pun came through.

"You're groaning now, and I've barely even started," Maru said with a smirk. "I have a million of these. And that's only slight exaggeration."

"Is it alright to be joking about that?" Hisao said.

"In my case, yes," Maru replied seriously. "What, do you want me to start bawling?" He got down on his knees, and pantomimed putting his hands together before talking again, in a more emotional voice. "Oh mama! They took my arm and leg! Whatever shall I doooooo?!"

Hisao's face twitched briefly.

"Oh, it's the end of the woooooorld! Oh nooooooo!" Maru began to roll around on the ground.

"H-hey!" Hisao took a step back from Maru's melodramatic actions. "That's enough of that!"

"Hah!" Maru pushed himself back up and dusted himself off. "Well that was fun."

"...You're a very strange person," Hisao said at last.

"Damn straight," Maru said, and gave Hisao the thumbs up. "Anyway, shall we go in? They're probably wondering why there's a crazy guy out here."

"Oh." Hisao turned back to the gate. "Yeah." He shook his head and pushed the gate in, heading at a brisk pace. It felt good, until he noticed Maru limping slightly right alongside.

"Nice place," Maru said.

"I suppose," Hisao replied with a shrug. It feels more like a park than a school. Clean and hygienic. He shuddered.

"Lovely ambience," Maru continued as he looked around, unaware of Hisao's discomfort. "Clear air...." He took a deep breath. "Nice."

Hisao didn't reply, as he tried to shake off his feelings about the school and be open minded. It was his new life, after all. He looked over at Maru. I guess we don't all have the same reaction to this sort of thing. Of course, he may be used to being in this kind of place. He shook that thought out of his head. I need to get used to it too, now. Maybe I should follow his example.

Maru continued through it, oblivious. I wonder how this'll be, he thought. Guess it doesn't much matter, though. Really is a nice place for it, at least. Kind of reminds me of a college campus. Big halls, lots of trees and open land.... Kind of nostalgic, really.

They entered through the front door of the main building. Maru opened the door for Hisao with an 'after you', and then followed him inside.

A tall man with bad posture noticed them as the pair entered. "You must be...." The man smiled slightly, as if at some in-joke. "Kobayashi and...." The smile disappeared. "Ni... Na... Niki?"

Bugger, thought Maru with a wince.

"Nakai," Hisao said as he looked over at Maru.

"Yeah, hole in one," Maru admitted with a sigh.

"...Kobayashi Maru?" Hisao ventured as he tried to stop the corners of his mouth from lifting.

"Dad was a fan of Star Trek," Maru replied simply with a frown and shrug.

"You don't say," Hisao said.

Maru snorted.

"Excellent," said the tall man lethargically. "I'm your homeroom and science teacher. My name is Mutou. Welcome." Mutou shakes Hisao's and then Maru's hand before looking at his watch. "The head nurse asked you for a brief check-in visit, but there's no time for that now."

"Oh," said Hisao.

"Probably just as well, really," Maru said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Got awful sick of doctors and nurses. No sense of humor, most of them. Always 'do this, Maru.' 'Stop that, Maru.' 'Enough with the puns, Maru!' Sheesh."

Hisao leaned away from Maru while Mutou sighed.

Maru coughed. "Ah, anyway.... After classes then?"

"Yes, afternoon is probably fine," Mutou replied. "We should get going and introduce you two to the rest of the class. They're waiting already."

"Splendid," Maru chimed happily, in contrast to Hisao's sudden nervousness. "Shall we, then?"

"Well, that answers for you," Mutou said. "Hisao, do you want to introduce yourself to the class?"

"Yeah, sure," Hisao replied. "I mean, isn't that normal?"

"Only if you don't do it right," Maru interjected. "If you're going to make a first impression, make it memorable."

"It is normal, of course," Mutou said as he directed a brief glare at Maru. "But not everyone likes to be at the center of attention."

Hisao glanced meaningfully at Maru, who looked to the side and whistled innocently.

"Certain people notwithstanding, of course," Mutou admitted.

"Right, well, it's no problem," Hisao said.

Maru turned and gave him the thumbs up with a grin. "That's the spirit! Now, let's take them by storm!"

"Oh bother," Mutou muttered under his breath before he shook his head. "Let's go then."

Hisao wasn't sure whether or not Maru helped, as the three of them went up the stairs with Mutou in front. He was still nervous, but he also knew he wouldn't be the only one to do an introduction, which was calming; misery loves company, as it were. Maru also seemed like he would draw most of the attention and keep him out of the limelight, which also helped.

On the other hand, he wasn't sure he wanted to know how Maru would introduce himself. Given his overdramatic display earlier to a complete stranger, he suspected anything was possible. Maru could also be one of those people that acted fine but folded when given a bigger audience, unlikely though that seemed.

Maru, for his part, wasn't entirely sure how he was going to introduce himself either. Man of wealth and taste? Naw, wrong impression. Funny idea, though. Good Morning Vietnam reference? ...Don't want to deafen anyone. Kirk speech? ...The puns will be bad enough as is- wait, am I rejecting bad puns? ...Provided that anyone gets the reference anyway.... Well, Hisao did, but.... Hm.

Mutou led them to the third door down the third floor, a door appropriately marked as 3-3. He opened the door and entered.

"Good morning everyone," he said, "sorry I'm late again."

Hisao hesitated for a split second, which let Maru slip past him into the classroom.

------

Oh god 16 views people are actually reading this....



Yeah, I'm aware it makes no rational sense to post this (thus inviting views) and then be terrified when you get views, but that's what's happening. Nyeeeeh....

Lookie who we have here.

I've been thinking of the same. Isn't it a bit coincidental that we both decided to do such the same day? When I get around to it, however, is a different story.

Armchair Legend wrote:The newcomer's bluish-green eyes met the young man's blue eyes.

Since when did Hisao have blue eyes?

bhtooefr wrote:

Armchair Legend wrote:The newcomer's bluish-green eyes met the young man's blue eyes.

Since when did Hisao have blue eyes?

I considered commenting on that, but I had Aiko mistake them for green when they first met. In case the author just made a mistake, Hisao's eyes are supposed to be mid-range brown.

In this case, though, it's written in third person (but biased towards Hisao's POV, not Maru's), so...

Additionally:

"Oh bother," Mutou muttered under his breath before he shook his head.

Now you've gone and made me replace my long-standing assumption that Mutou would sound like Ben Stein with that of Alton Brown.

Oh, bother...

Helbereth wrote:Additionally:

"Oh bother," Mutou muttered under his breath before he shook his head.

Now you've gone and made me replace my long-standing assumption that Mutou would sound like Ben Stein with that of Alton Brown.

Oh, bother...

And now I'm hearing him as Sterling Holloway...it's rather fun .

WarbirdHD wrote:Lookie who we have here.

I've been thinking of the same. Isn't it a bit coincidental that we both decided to do such the same day? When I get around to it, however, is a different story.

Well hey! That is indeed coincidental! Hmm, so you're posting a different story here, then?

bhtooefr wrote:

Armchair Legend wrote:The newcomer's bluish-green eyes met the young man's blue eyes.

Since when did Hisao have blue eyes?

Since, apparently, the author realized he's gone colorblind.

Seriously, I have no idea how that happened. Well, at least it's easy fix.

dewelar wrote:

Helbereth wrote:Additionally:

"Oh bother," Mutou muttered under his breath before he shook his head.

Now you've gone and made me replace my long-standing assumption that Mutou would sound like Ben Stein with that of Alton Brown.

Oh, bother...

And now I'm hearing him as Sterling Holloway...it's rather fun .

Whereas for some reason, I had been thinking of Winnie the Pooh. ... Yes, I'm aware that probably makes next to no sense.

Oh well, new chapter time. Well, actually old chapter time; will try to get the rest of what I have posted here post-haste, and then start hoping that no one notices all the plot holes. May take some time, as I don't have a lot free. Also, not gonna copy this in full, because there's a lot of stuff that's just straight-up canon. Weird cut-offs may happen as a result. Had in mind originally writing this as a dual POV piece, which I still do, but I shan't subject everyone, at least everyone here, to that. At least, not until some real changes begin.

--------

Chapter 2: Enter Stage Left, Enter Stage Right.

Hisao stared dumbfounded at Maru's back for a moment. Have to admire that sort of confidence, he reflected. Okay, get a grip. This is a big step, I know that... but there isn't any point to worrying so much about it, at least not this soon. He followed after Maru and looked around, in an effort to avoid curious gazes.

Maru met gazes, and returned them with a smile and a nod as he made his way to stand beside Mutou. As he came to a stop, he gave the class an informal salute, and then crossed his arms and smirked. Huh, interesting set. Pretty normal class really, when you get down to it. Except for that hair. He narrowly avoided raising an eyebrow at a girl with pink hair, done up in classy drills. Now that's a hairstyle and a half.

Hisao faced the class only as he came to stand beside Maru. They all look normal, like students in any other school. But then, why would they be here? He noticed that one of the girls seemed to be missing the thumb of her right hand, and blinked.

Mutou started to introduce the two to the classroom, but neither Hisao nor Maru paid too much attention to him, albeit for different reasons.

Ah man, the waiting's killing me, Maru thought as his heart began to beat faster in anticipation.

Hisao noticed a flash of dark hair, and looked toward the source. A girl with eye-catchingly long, straight hair was looking at him. As he met her gaze, she covered her face with her hands. He looked to the side, and noticed that one boy had a cane, which leaned against the lockers at the rear of the class. It's weird seeing someone so young with a cane, he reflected.

Movement caught both Maru's and Hisao's attention, as another girl made motions with her hands.

Hisao frowned. Sign language?

Maru blinked. He recognized, vaguely, the motions of sign language. He didn't know any variation of it though, and was forced to shrug and mouth, "Sorry."

The girl peered over the rims of her glasses at the two, then went back to her previous task.

Well, that went well, thought Maru. Man. I hope we don't have to all know sign language. I'm bad with languages, and I think you need two hands for it besides. Maybe. ...Eh, I'll just have to roll with it one way or another.

She's kind of cute, Hisao thought. So is the cheery-looking girl with the pink hair sitting next to her. He blinked. She's really hard to miss; I don't know how I didn't notice her the moment I walked in....

"...please welcome our newest classmates," said Mutou. He clapped his hands, and so too did everyone else with the exception of a girl in the first row who had only one hand.

Hisao cringed a little, but hid it by bowing in thanks for the applause he did not feel he deserved.

Maru noticed Hisao's bow out of the corner of his eye, and gave one of his own. It was a theatric bow, with his right arm stretched out and his left held inward, as opposed to the traditional bow.

The classroom was silent with anticipation.

Well, here goes nothing, Maru thought as his heart raced faster still, adrenaline beginning to take hold. "...I... am MARU!" He grinned somewhat maniacally. "AND I AM A LAAAARGE HAAAAAAM! MILK THE GIANT COOOOOOW," he roared, as he held his arms to the sky.

Reactions were mixed. Most of the class stared at Maru as though he were insane. Mutou gave Maru a subtle glare. Some people laughed, including the one handed girl in the first row. The pink haired girl's laughter was easily the loudest, even as she shakily said something in sign language. "...WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Hisao took a step back from Maru. "...Uh." Why am I surprised by this?

"Thank you, thank you very much," Maru said in his best Elvis voice as he took another theatrical bow, his heart rate beginning to slow slightly. Woo! That was fun!

"...So... I'm Hisao Nakai," Hisao began, "and I have no idea how to follow that."

"Wahahahaha!"

"Um, my hobbies are reading and soccer," he continued. "I hope to get along with everyone even though I'm a new student."

"Oh!" Maru blinked. "Hobbies. Right. Um... well, I like woodworking. And reading. And making a fool of myself for an audience." He grinned, and then turned to Hisao. "Thanks for reminding me, didn't think of that at all."

"...Don't mention it," Hisao replied. I feel like I should be trying to upstage him, somehow. I'm being so boring. This is exactly like every self-introduction ever. A competitive spark struck within. Maybe... I should do something similar? The spark grew, and he acted. "...I CAN ALSO HAM," he roared.

"WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Maru broke out into another grin. "Ohohohohahahaha...!" He gave Hisao the thumbs up. "That was good! Needs practice, but good start!"

Mutou's glare now focused on Hisao.

The girl with the glasses looked as though she was trying to frown and smile at the same time.

Is that approval or derision? Still, that could have gone worse, Hisao thought as he saw this. He also noticed that a few girls were whispering to each other and throwing both he and Maru glances. They seem satisfied.

Maru continued to grin. I'd like to sit down now, he thought. That's fun and all, but the adrenaline crash sure takes it out of you.

"I hope you two can get along with everyone," Mutou said.

The class clapped their hands again, which Hisao felt was a weird thing to do. The first row girl clapped on this round, with her one hand against the other wrist that ended in a bandaged stump. It made him feel a little bad.

Maru didn't notice anything other than the clapping as he looked to Mutou. He did, however, nod to the class in acknowledgement.

"We're going to be doing some group work today," Mutou said, "so that will give you two a chance to talk with everyone. Is that okay with you?"

"Sure, suit's me," Maru said.

"Yeah, it's fine with me," said Hisao.

"That's good," Mutou said with a hint of a smile. "Hisao, you can work with Hakamichi. She is the class representative. She can explain anything you might want to know. And who else would be able to do that better, right? Maru...." He regarded him with a small frown. "...You can work with Miura. She will do just as well, I think."

"Cool," Maru replied. "Uh...." He looked around the classroom for a moment as Mutou picked up a stack of papers and began to hand them out.

"We will be working in groups of three," Mutou said.

Maru shrugged. "So, who's Miura?"

The girl in the front row waved her single hand.

"Ah, right." Maru moved to take the empty seat behind her.

"Uh, and Hakamichi?" Hisao looked around helplessly.

As he called out her name, the cute, bubbly looking girl with bright pink hair and gold eyes waved her hand at Hisao. He took the seat next to her, by the window.

------

So then we go more or less to canon, with Hisao meeting the Spiraling Madness and the Snap Dragon. Only difference there was Misha deciding Maru was Macchan, and a remark that she thought that Hisao and Maru knew each other before then. Oh, and that Hisao is now "the other new student," and that Shizune respected his effort to outdo the competition, even if she wasn't exactly happy that he "made a fool of himself for a first impression," to which Hisao said he just couldn't let it go for some reason. And also that Hisao suspected that Maru was behind Hanako running off, but eh. Hm. Maybe I should just post the differing bits while skipping over the rest.... Anyway, figured that all would be a bit tedious, not that it stopped me from posting that on FFN.

He grinned somewhat maniacally. "AND I AM A LAAAARGE HAAAAAAM! MILK THE GIANT COOOOOOW," he roared, as he held his arms to the sky.

And you want to pair this oaf with Hanako of all people? She's going to run as soon as he comes in sight^^°
Hisao copying this strange behaviour is also way out of character, and for a character with as little defined character as Hisao that is saying something.

Finally - I mentioned this in my last post - you basically writing two different PoVs simultaneously is very irritating. For one thing it is hard to keep track of who's doing the thinking at the moment, for another it causes a lot of repetition as you have to show the thoughts of two different people to the same situation.
I suggest deciding on one of the two for each scene.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

He grinned somewhat maniacally. "AND I AM A LAAAARGE HAAAAAAM! MILK THE GIANT COOOOOOW," he roared, as he held his arms to the sky.

And you want to pair this oaf with Hanako of all people? She's going to run as soon as he comes in sight^^°
Hisao copying this strange behaviour is also way out of character, and for a character with as little defined character as Hisao that is saying something.

Finally - I mentioned this in my last post - you basically writing two different PoVs simultaneously is very irritating. For one thing it is hard to keep track of who's doing the thinking at the moment, for another it causes a lot of repetition as you have to show the thoughts of two different people to the same situation.
I suggest deciding on one of the two for each scene.

All of what Mirage said.

Additionally, I question Mutou's selecting Miura as a good candidate for assisting Maru. She never struck me as the sort I'd want showing me around the school, which may just be me talking, but here it's also the equivalent of having the class clown show around the court jester.

Does Maru smell like bacon, by the way?

Mirage_GSM wrote:

He grinned somewhat maniacally. "AND I AM A LAAAARGE HAAAAAAM! MILK THE GIANT COOOOOOW," he roared, as he held his arms to the sky.

And you want to pair this oaf with Hanako of all people? She's going to run as soon as he comes in sight^^°

To be fair, he's not ... always like that.

...

Of course, that also more or less sums up their first two meetings, too. Hm.

Hisao copying this strange behaviour is also way out of character, and for a character with as little defined character as Hisao that is saying something.

Hisao isn't even sure why he did that. You're right that it's somewhat out of character, but I'm not thinking it's exactly way out. I think it's a bit like how he ended up with Shizune during the Risk game.

Finally - I mentioned this in my last post - you basically writing two different PoVs simultaneously is very irritating. For one thing it is hard to keep track of who's doing the thinking at the moment, for another it causes a lot of repetition as you have to show the thoughts of two different people to the same situation.
I suggest deciding on one of the two for each scene.

A fair analysis, and something for a later revision.... At the present though, I just don't have the time. Not to mention I'm not sure how to work that out, at least during the first act.

Helbereth wrote:Additionally, I question Mutou's selecting Miura as a good candidate for assisting Maru. She never struck me as the sort I'd want showing me around the school, which may just be me talking, but here it's also the equivalent of having the class clown show around the court jester.

I have no defense for that, unfortunately. Except maybe rule of funny. That said, she did end up doing an okay-ish job of it.

Does Maru smell like bacon, by the way?

Depends on what's being served in the cafeteria.

----------

Chapter 3: Good Meeting, Bad Meeting.

Meanwhile, Maru was greeted by Miura.

"That was quite the introduction," Miura observed with a smirk. "I'm Miki Miura, nice to meet you."

"And I am Maru Kobayashi," he returned with a smirk of his own. "Pleasure's all mine." He held out his remaining hand.

Miki shook it. "Just call me Miki, by the way. Surnames are too stuffy."

"Cheers to that," Maru replied with a nod. "Oh hey, twins!" He held up his stump.

Miki gave a chuckle. "Looks like it, doesn't it?"

"Indeed!" He rubbed his chin thoughtfully with an amused smile. "You missing a leg, too?"

"No," Miki replied. "Guess we're not twins, then."

"Alas!" Maru gave a theatric shrug. "Well anyway, what's this assignment thing, anyway? Oh, wait, we're supposed to be in groups of three, aren't we?"

"Yup," she replied. "Looks like everyone's already grouped up, though."

"Ah, that's a pity," he said as he looked around, before noticing the long haired girl behind him. It took him a considerable effort not to blink as he saw her more closely than he had in his cursory scan of the room. At least a third, if not half of her face was pretty badly scarred. He made doubly sure to focus his attention on her sole visible eye, and nodded to cover his surprise.

The girl stared back wide eyed, as her right hand moved to cover the scarred side of her face.

The movement made him glance at the hand, and he noticed that it was scarred as well. Ouch, that must have hurt, he reflected while suppressing a wince. "Ah, so, want to be in our group?" he asked. "We're one short."

"U-um," she began, as she moved back in her seat slightly.

"Ah- wait," Miki hissed.

"Huh? Ah...." It took Maru a moment to realize what was wrong. "Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you...." He cleared his throat.

"It... it's okay," the long haired girl replied.

"I'm Maru Kobayashi," he said. "I'm the new guy. Other new guy. Nice to meet you?"

"I... I know," she replied. "H-H-Hanako. I'm... Hanako. It's... nice to meet you too."

He grinned and offered his hand to her.

She stared at the offered appendage for a long moment. "Um..." Hanako's eyes widened. "I.... I...."

He frowned after a moment, and pulled his hand back to smooth his hair over. "Ah, sorry."

She stood up unexpectedly. "Ivegottogodosomething!" She darted through the desks with surprising agility, and left through the door.

The movement caught some attention from the other students, yet Maru was left with a sense that no one really noticed. "Uh," he replied, seconds after she had left the class. He turned his head to Miki with a raised eyebrow. "...Was it something I said? Did?" He paused and glanced around, positive for a moment that he was being watched but not finding any eyes on him.

Miki sighed. "No, it's just that... well, I don't know. She's, it's just... she's got some issues, I think. I can't really put it in a nice way. Not that I don't think she's a nice person though. She's perfectly nice. Just... hard to deal with."

"Ah," he replied, and then frowned. "...I still feel like a complete heel, now." Well, day had been going well until now.... Hope I get the chance to apologize.

"Sorry," she replied, "I tried to warn you about her, but it was already too late. Don't worry about it, though. Just, you know, take it easy with her."

"Yeah," he replied. After a few quiet moments, he looked down at the assignment. "Well! It's not going to do itself, is it?"

"Heh!" She grinned. "No, it's not."

"Well, let's get at it, then!" He started reading. Biology, fun. Well, this all seems pretty familiar, at least. Should be a fair snap to get it all done.

Between the two of them, they got most of the assignment done in fairly short order. Maru had to keep checking the book and asking Miki for vocabulary however; he knew the concepts, but he never was good at holding down the terminology.

"You're pretty good at this," Miki admitted as he wrote down another answer.

"Ah, well, I've had a bit of experience with this sort of thing before," Maru replied with a smirk.

"Oh?" She crossed her arms with a smile. "Where at?"

"Oh... here and there," he said. "Biology textbooks and the like. Always had a head for it." He waved his hand nonchalantly.

She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. "Well, it makes doing all of this pretty easy at least."

"Heh, good to know," he replied, and then looked to Hisao's group. "Ah, we've been beaten."

"Hakamichi's very fast," Miki said with a wink. "And a bit of a slave-driver too. It wouldn't surprise me if they made the new guy do most of the work."

"Funny, I don't remember doing their work," Maru observed with a smirk.

She snorted in amusement. "Hah! No, the other new guy."

He scratched his chin. "Heh, that bad?"

"Well," she started, "yes and no. Her and the human foghorn are the student council. It used to be more than those two, but she drove the others away by being a bit of a taskmaster. Very Type-A personality."

"I see, I see," he replied. He would keep the warning in mind, but he wouldn't judge, not without having spoken to her himself. He knew well how some people would lie about others. Miki didn't seem the kind, but appearances were deceiving. "I have to admit, that does sound annoying," he said at last. "But, we should get this thing done, yes?"

"Heh! You're right," Miki replied.

They finished just before the bell rang. People turned in their assignments and began to filter out of the classroom.

"Well, time for lunch," Miki said with a smile. "You coming?"

Normally, Maru would have gone along with her. But after the incident with Hanako, his ability to deal with people had about reached its limit. He needed a few minutes to himself to recharge. "Ah, another time, I think," he replied instead. "Think I might wander around, try to get myself oriented."

"Good idea, just don't get lost," she replied with a smirk.

"I should be alright," he said, and poked his temple. "My sense of direction is pretty good."

"Then I'll see you after lunch," Miki said with a nod. "Have fun!"

"You too," said Maru. "Have some tasty noms!"

"Er, I'll do that," she replied with an amused smile and a raised eyebrow. "Bye!"

She left the room, leaving him to his thoughts.

"Well," he said to himself as the last few people left the room, "suppose I really ought go, then." He ventured forth into the lunchtime crowds, and fought down an urge to just go back into the classroom.

-------

Well, 3 down. 23 to go!

Her and the human foghorn are the student council.

She and the human foghorn...
"Her is the student council" would sound stupid, wouldn't it?

They finished just in time for the bell to ring.

Just a minor nuance, but the way you wrote it, the bell was waiting for them to finish before ringing.
Better: "They finished just in time for the bell ringing." or "...just before the bell rang."

Maru would have went along with her.

"would have gone"

See? This one went much more smoothly with just one protagonist.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Her and the human foghorn are the student council.

She and the human foghorn...
"Her is the student council" would sound stupid, wouldn't it?

Yeah, sure, but proper grammar is for gaylords.

...

No joke, either. Now, for the author half-assing his grammar, as in

They finished just in time for the bell to ring.

and

Maru would have went along with her.

, which are fixed now by the way (thanks!), I can see that. But... this is Miki, who seems like she'd just go and say what seems natural, and damn the torpedoes grammar.

If it were Lilly, on the other hand....

See? This one went much more smoothly with just one protagonist.

Increasingly, I've found myself wishing I'd just done Maru as a singular route. But I had wanted to steadily warp Hisao's route as well.... Hrm. The payoff doesn't really start coming until after act 1 ends, which is annoying. And revamping things (what with having 26 chapters now, that I'm taking a dog's age to post; maybe I should just skip bbcode formatting, which takes a surprising amount of time.... Opinions?) would be a chore that is significantly more time-taking than relatively minor edits (and I haz no tiem).

In short.... Dang.

------

Chapter 4: Best (And Only) Foot Forward

Maru wandered into the passing crowd aimlessly, going against the flow of traffic. The next-door classroom marked 3-2 appeared empty, and he ducked inside. He winced as he realized he was not, in fact, alone.

With him in the room was a blond girl. Her fingers traced down a sheet of paper as her eyebrows came together in concentration. As he watched, her head rose, and turned in his direction. Her eyes were closed. Blind?

"Ah, excuse me," he said. "Didn't realize anyone was still in here." He looked closer at her, and realized she was very tall. Almost as tall, if not taller than he was, and his height was slightly above the average. Between that and the blond hair, he realized she probably had a western parent. Her features however, were Japanese. Probably mixed breed, then. Know that feel.

"Oh, hello there," said the girl. "May I help you?"

"Ah, probably not," he admitted as he took a step back to try to find another room. "Just sort of looking for refuge from the lunchtime hustle. Sorry to disturb you."

"It's quite alright," she replied. "I was just trying to finish this before I go to lunch myself."

"Ah...." He gave in to his better nature and strode toward her. "Something I can help with?"

"I'm about done," she admitted with a smile. "But thank you for offering."

"Hey, not a problem," he replied.

"I take it you're a new student to Yamaku?" She removed her finger from the article in front of her.

"Hole in one," he admitted. "Maru's the name."

"I'm Lilly Satou," she said with a smile and a restrained bow. "Pleased to meet you, Maru."

"Likewise, I assure you," he replied as he nodded his head in return before pondering the futility of the action. He shrugged it off. "Heh, it's actually Maru Kobayashi. Don't usually use the last name, though."

"Then I shall continue to call you Maru," she replied as her smile widened, "if you will call me Lilly in return. There's no need to be too formal"

"That's quite alright by me," he admitted as he took a seat. He scratched his chin. "Say, are you from around here? That is, if you don't mind my asking," he added as an afterthought.

"My my, is it the hair?" Lilly asked with amusement.

"As a matter of fact...," Maru admitted with a chuckle.

She giggled. "As a matter of fact," she repeated, "I was born here, but my mother is from Scotland."

"Well, that answers that," he replied. "You don't have much of an accent, though."

"I have lived here for most of my life," she replied. "On the subject of accents, yours is most unusual, if you don't mind that observation."

He gave a barking laugh, which made her wince. "Ah, sorry."

She waved her hand at his apology. "It's alright, I was merely surprised at the volume." She frowned. "Though I feel I should be used to it by now."

"Eh, even so." He thought about asking about the second part, but shrugged it off. "I can be a bit loud sometimes, I'll try to avoid it in the future." He scratched the back of his head. "Anyway, the accent.... You know, I don't actually know how it came about, honestly. All I do know is that it tends to follow other accents into alleys and mug them for phonetics."

"My my, such unusual phrasing," she said with an amused smile. "Should I be worried?"

"Naw, you'll be fine." He grinned. "After all, you don't have an accent!"

"That's reassuring...." She frowned. "I think."

"Ahh, don't mind me, I'm harmless," he said and shook his head. "Though I will admit that I enjoy playing with people's heads sometimes." He cleared his throat. "Uh, anyway, what was that about my accent?"

"It's most curious," Lilly admitted. "In ways, it reminds me of that of a native English speaker, or at least someone from a western country. It's quite hard to place; it has traces of Russian, German, some American," she smiled, "and even a rather familiar Scottish tinge."

"Well," Maru replied in English, "my English is pretty good, if I do say so myself."

"Indeed it is," she replied, also in English. "So I return your question to you: Where are you from?"

"I am from a little town near Osaka, actually," he replied, this time in Japanese. "My English is... well, I can't properly explain it. It's a very long story."

"Maybe you can tell me another time then?" She frowned and put the sheet of paper she had been working with in her bag. "Unfortunately, I am expected, and I'm already running a bit late." She stood up, and retrieved a collapsible cane from under the table where she had been working.

"Ah, then I won't keep you," he said. A thought occurred to him. "Oh, one thing though! I don't suppose you know where the library is, do you?"

Lilly smiled. "As a matter of fact, I will be going right by it. Shall I show you where it is?"

"Now that's convenience," Maru replied with a smile of his own as he shrugged off his previous plan to get some lone time. "Please do. I leave myself in your capable care."

She nodded as her smile widened. "Then follow me, please."

Maru did as instructed, as she led him down a flight of stairs. He had to slow his pace down to match hers, and watched with interest as she descended the stairs. He took the other side of the stairwell, which was perhaps fortunate as in his inattentiveness, he stepped poorly on his prosthetic and tripped down the remaining three steps of the flight. He sighed, thankful at least that the crowds had already dispersed.

"Are you alright?" Lilly asked. "It sounded like you fell."

"Oh, just fine," he replied as he pulled himself up. "Never better. Just reminded that my prosthetic is cheap." Yeah, that's the ticket, blame the prosthetic for your own clumsiness. Though it really is cheap....

"That would be why you are here at Yamaku then?" she replied.

"Just so," he confirmed. "I tell you, this place is expensive. Really costs an arm and a leg!"

She smiled at the joke. "It's good to see that your condition has not affected your sense of humor."

"Not hardly," he replied with a chuckle. "If anything, it's given me ample opportunity to make puns."

"Even so, not everyone adjusts readily to such a condition," she replied as she continued down the stairs.

"Doubtlessly," he admitted as he followed, a bit more carefully this time around. "But I think it helps to be philosophical about such things. Sure, not having my hand anymore is a bloody pain, but it could be worse."

She walked through an open set of double doors at the base of the stairwell, and he followed.

"I'm quite right-dominant anyway," he continued, "and it's my left hand. And really, the foot loss doesn't really affect things much either. Well, except for the limping, but I can always blame that on the prosthetic."

"It is good to see that you have taken things in stride, then," she said.

"Hey, it always helps to put my best foot forward." He grinned. "Or, you know. My only foot."

She giggled before coming to a stop in front of a double door. "This is the library, by the way."

"Ah, thank you kindly," Maru replied as he took note of the room number. He thought of going inside, but he decided to just head back to the classroom and eat his lunch. At least he knew where it was now. "Well, I'll leave you to it, then. Take care!"

"You too, Maru," she replied before walking down the hall.

He nodded to himself, and retraced the path to 3-3.

Chapter 5: In The Nursery

-----Hisao asks about library, bluh bluh------

Misha and Shizune signed back and forth very animatedly, and threw sideways glances at Hisao. Misha refrained from translating, however.

Maybe they are talking about secret girl stuff or something, he reflected as he continued to pick indifferently at food he didn't want. A conversation in sign wasn't enough to fill a silence, he quickly noticed.

They finished eating and returned to the classroom, but weren't the first.

Maru was sitting at his desk, tapping lightly on a small lunch box. His head snapped up as the trio entered.

Hisao thought he saw a surprised glare on Maru's face for a moment, but it passed in a flash.

"Yo," greeted Maru with a genial wave.

"Macchan, hi hi~!" Misha greeted.

"Macchan?" Maru tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

Hisao shrugged at him.

Misha grinned. "It fits!"

Maru thought about this for a moment, and then shrugged. "Whatever works," he replied. At least it wasn't a pun about Star Trek or that silly cat. He leaned back in his seat and yawned. Side note, need more caffeine. Next time, get some coffee to go with lunch.

Misha frowned for a moment at Maru's lack of talkativeness.

Shizune signed something.

Misha stepped in front of Maru's desk. "Is something wrong, Macchan~?"

Maru blinked at Misha, then let out a wide yawn, not bothering to cover it. "I require more vespene gas," he said. "Or at least some caffeine."

"Wahahaha~, you should have got some coffee in the cafeteria," Misha said.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," Maru said. Nothing against you, but please stop talking. Let me beeeee...!

Shizune poked Misha on the shoulder, and began signing when she turned to her.

"Ahahaha~, right!" Misha nodded and grinned. "Shicchan says not to fall asleep in class~!"

"I'll do my best," Maru replied.

"Alright~!" Misha nodded. "See you later then, Macchan!"

"Mmm," replied Maru.

Misha frowned for a moment, then returned to smiling as she followed Shizune to their seats and began to converse with her in sign.

Hisao sat down with a sigh. Getting into the rhythm of school felt strange. It was as if his brain remembered how it was done, but his body didn't.

Miki sat down in front of Maru. "Did you get oriented?" She grinned at him.

"More or less," Maru replied. "I have a better idea of the place than I did before."

"That's good," she replied with a thumbs up.

"Just so," Maru replied with a yawn, and then looked up at the door. "Ah, incoming teacher."

Miki looked forward and frowned. "Oh well, I was hoping to chat a little, guess it'll have to wait now."

"Eh, it's probably just as well," he admitted. "After scaring Hanako away, I'm just not feeling very talkative."

"It's not your fault," she replied.

"Even so," he stated. "Try me later, eh?"

"Hey, sure thing," she said, and turned her attention to the teacher.

Maru took a moment to subtly stab himself in the leg with his pencil. Ow, okay, awake-ish now.

Toward the end of class, Hisao started to yawn and count the minutes left. I shouldn't be this tired on my first day of school, he thought. Maybe it's the long time spent in the hospital that made me like this. I'm even feeling physically weak and lifeless.

Before long, the final bell rang, signifying an end to the school day.

"Well, I'm outta here," Miki said to Maru. "Have a good one, alright?"

"Heh, you too," he replied. "Later!"

She waved, and joined the students leaving the classroom. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.

Misha and Shizune began to converse beside Hisao. After a bit of deliberation, Misha turned to him.

"Unfortunately we can't stay and show you around today, Hicchan," Misha admitted with a frown. "We've got to hurry already, since there's a lot of work for us to do."

Shizune signed something.

"You'll find your way around here," Misha translated. "I'm sure of it."

"Ah, wait!" Hisao balked. "The teacher said I'd have to see the nurse. Where do I have to go?"

"Make that for both of us," Maru said as he stood up from his chair, thumb pressed firmly down on his pencil’s point.

"Is that so?" Misha grinned. "We can at least show you that much~!"

"Sweet," Maru said as he walked over to them.

"Come on," she continued, "the nurses have their own building, so we have to go outside."

The four of them joined the flow of students making their way down the stairwell and outside, with the girls pointing out the other senior classrooms in the same hallways as theirs.

Maru didn't pay much attention. Trying to memorize that many locations like that would inevitably end in failure anyway.

The girls led them outside, and then to a smaller building right next to the school. It was built in the same style, so it looked like it was actually a part of the main building.

Shizune signed something with a smile.

"This is the auxiliary building right here," Misha translated. "There's a lot of official and important stuff inside, like the Yamaku Foundation office and all the nurses' offices. They even have a swimming pool!"

Maru nodded.

"How is that official?" Hisao asked with a skeptically raised eyebrow.

Shizune frowned and signed something.

"Don't be silly, Hicchan!" Misha translated. "It's for physical therapy of course." She raised her finger as though to make a point. "Anyway, all the nursing staff facilities are in there too. The head nurse's office is on the first floor." She put her hands on her hips. "You'll be fine from here, right~? We'll be going then! See you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, thanks," Hisao responded. "Bye."

Maru nodded his thanks as well.

A whole building for stuff that has nothing to do with actual education? wondered Hisao. I guess it's necessary for a place like this.

Wonder if this place has a proper gym, thought Maru as he stuffed his pencil in his pocket.

They walked inside.

I hope this really will be a quick visit like the teacher said, thought Hisao.

"Hm. Head nurse," Maru said, as he pointed to a white door on the left. Sure enough, the text "Head Nurse" is written in white on a green cross, with a nameplate below it.

Hisao grunted and knocked on the door.

A voice from inside responded almost immediately, but was too muffled for either of them to make out.

Maru glanced at Hisao with a shrug, and let himself in.

Hisao followed.

Maru sniffed. Smells like hospital in here.

A friendly-looking man turned around on his office chair to face the two of them. His desk was neat and tidy, but the bin under the table was overflowing with used medical utensils, and there were at least a dozen coffee-cup rings lingering on the desk.

"Hello there," said the man. "What can I do for you two today?"

"Mutou said you wanted us to check-in," Maru replied.

"Erm, you are the nurse, right?" Hisao asked.

The man smiled like a person who has heard that very same question hundreds of times.

"That's what it says on the door, no?" said the nurse to Hisao. "You two can call me by name or just 'the nurse' like everyone else." He extended his hand to the two.

Maru shook it. "Nice to meet you, uh, the nurse."

The nurse's eyes light up with amusement. "You must be Kobayashi then," said the nurse with a grin. "I've been warned about you."

"Nothing bad, I hope?" Maru returned with his own grin.

"Just that I should keep some earplugs handy," said the nurse with a wink as he offered his hand to Hisao.

Maru laughed. "It's not my fault I was blessed with this UNHOLY! ACTING! TALENT!" He raised his hand to the heavens before clenching his fist to his chest.

The nurse grinned wider.

Hisao shook his head, and then coughed to interrupt. "Er, anyway, I'm the other new student and my homeroom teacher told me to come and meet you. My name is Hisao Nakai."

The nurse snapped his fingers. "Oh, you're THAT Nakai. I'd better start with you, then." He looked at Maru. "Can you wait outside a minute?"

"Oh, sure," Maru said. "Confidentiality, right?"

"Bingo," said the nurse.

"Right," Maru said, and walked outside, leaving Hisao and the nurse to talk privately.

-----And this is superfluous Hisao getting his checkup bits, so have an immersion breaking break-----

The nurse ushered Hisao out, and called Maru in.

A quick visit indeed, thought Hisao.

---------

I really do regret writing Hisao as a dual lead anymore. I mean, the practice writing his character has been more than helpful, but still.