Katawa Shoujo Forums

brythain wrote:I thought this one was worth thinking about…

A Bowl of Noodles, a Cup of Coffee, a Glass of Beer from themocaw.

And so it shall be, we meet in two days!

Uhm.
It seems like we're a bit late.
The meeting may now commence

Okay. That was interesting. I'm always a fan of seeing secondary characters get fleshed out more, and the backstory given for Mutou here was good. The problem was that I didn't feel any Mutou in the character as written. The person in this fic could have been a random guy off the street and it wouldn't have been any different. The second-person narrative in Chapter 3 also didn't work, probably for the same reason. Second-person is very tricky, because you really need to get the reader to identify with the character to pull it off. This story did not do that. The parts about Saki came out better, but then she's a blank slate anyway (disclaimer: I have not read the Saki pseudo-route, but I have read Whisky, Saki and Other Spirits and enjoyed that quite a bit). Nurse...wasn't in it enough to make a full judgment, but I can't say I felt any Nurse in him either. Oh, and I think brythain is infecting me, because every once in a while I find myself wanting to call him "Goro" .

Overall, it felt like someone sat down without having read the VN and only had some character bios to work from, and built something. I usually have a higher opinion of themocaw's stuff, but this just fell flat. Good story, meh KS fanfic.

Reading through this triptych a third time, I felt that the Mutou backstory here could easily have become head canon. The main difficulty is that this Mutou is somewhat divorced from the characters we know, because the story is effectively a prequel or prologue. I can see it as being developed further into a full Mutou-POV arc in which he describes events in main KS continuity from his perspective. Hence I do agree somewhat with dewelar's 'good story, meh fanfic' opinion above.

What I really enjoyed was the sense of foreshadowing — how many of Mutou's 'plants' came to fruition in Yamaku over the year? What were the backstories he must have known? Nurse ('Goro Kaneshiro' in my continuity, as a kind of joke) only seems to have Emi as a 'plant'. It's nice to see the two of them developing a professional friendship. But this Mutou is a… prime mover. I would have liked to have seen more. Especially Saki.

It was definitely interesting, and I did enjoy the first two chapters, especially the Saki scenes. Unfortunately, I agree about the third chapter. The perspective change didn't work for me at all. I almost never like stories from that perspective anyways. Overall I liked the story well enough, I just mainly had a problem with the third chapter.

I have to be contrary and say that this was probably the highlight of the Saki compilation for me. In the VN, Mutou has little to no depth. We see nothing of his personal life, or of his motivation. For the most part, all we see is that he is tired all the time, somewhat awkward, passionate about his work, and that he really cares about his students; those are of course, what make him who he is. In their simplicity, I feel that that Coffee and Beer consolidated all of those and more. The 2nd person in Beer threw me off; I did not dislike it, but it just seemed odd to change things around right at the end.

I might go so far as to say as Mutou's backstory as implied and outright stated here is probably more fleshed out than any other canon KS character. Not necessarily a good or bad thing, just an observation.

Mahorfeus wrote:I have to be contrary and say that this was probably the highlight of the Saki compilation for me. In the VN, Mutou has little to no depth. We see nothing of his personal life, or of his motivation. For the most part, all we see is that he is tired all the time, somewhat awkward, passionate about his work, and that he really cares about his students; those are of course, what make him who he is. In their simplicity, I feel that that Coffee and Beer consolidated all of those and more. The 2nd person in Beer threw me off; I did not dislike it, but it just seemed odd to change things around right at the end.

I might go so far as to say as Mutou's backstory as implied and outright stated here is probably more fleshed out than any other canon KS character. Not necessarily a good or bad thing, just an observation.

Oh yes, I'm all for depth and good backstories. I don't think you're being contrary; rather, you've put your finger on what the good part of this sequence seems to be. Still sad there wasn't more Saki though.

Keeping the train rolling, I'm trying to be less lazy and so I've picked out a fic, that one being:

Shower Scenes by Oddball (completed, 30.754)
PoV: Hisao; Pairings: None
Remarks:

Firstly, library entry! Yay! Secondly, this'll be the first fic I've gone into blind with out first reading through, but I've heard only good things and Oddball is a fairly good writer so I dont expect terrible things. Based on the length I'll say the meeting will be on the 13th. Good readings!

Sea wrote:Shower Scenes by Oddball

I like this story a lot, but I wonder if it might be a bit soon to repeat an author.

Well, I'm honored, but having another story by me so soon does feel like a bit of an oddball choice.













... I'm sorry. That was horrible.

In fact, that pun was so horrible, i think it deserves a creative punishment...

Comrade wrote:In fact, that pun was so horrible, i think it deserves a creative punishment...

Hmmmmmmm, methinks we find the worst story Oddball's ever written and analyze the hell out of it to ruin him utterly in the eyes of the forum, or, ya know, just go with it.

P.S. I had no intention to double the author, I actually forgot entirely about the previous story being written by Oddball, no favoritism intended.

It's now the 13th, woohoo!
So what stories did you all enjoy from the shower?
Major note:as per the Kagan Bek's request, the club shall be going on a week long mini vacation to restore general discussion for a time and give you all a break. Meetings shall resume on the 20th, thanks for sticking with us!
P.S. As always, the link is up.

I actually really enjoyed the story. I felt it depicted more or less everyone in character, considering how ridiculous the premise was - what I found amazing was how consistent it was. I mean, damn. You pretty much got it bang-on in every scene except for the ultra-silly "girls revenge" final ending, which wasn't meant to be serious anyway. And this is particularly spectacular considering the cracked premise. :p

Favourite scene had to be the Shanghai ending. I liked the way you bounced all of the personalities off of one another - predictably, it got ugly fast. I especially liked Rin's comment on her sign language "accent". Also, I laughed so long and loudly that someone knocked on my door to complain (it was late) at the following line:

The bell announces our presence as we enter. Yuuko shoots right up from the booth she had been sitting or, more likely, napping in. "Hello, Welcome to theohmygodno." The tone of her voice drops with considerably when she sees the size of our group. The last of it is little more than a whisper as it leaves her mouth. I think she might actually cry.

I suppose if I had any criticism, then it would be about the fact that Hisao is exaggeratedly perverted in many of the later scenes. I can see him nearly having a heart attack when a bunch of naked girls rampage into his room (even someone with a healthy heart might!), but sometimes the sexual fantasy element was laid on a tad thick, particularly in the "me time" bit. This being said, amazing work overall.

I thought this was one of Oddball's more entertaining stories. Really liked the idea of it having many different endings. I think my favorite is actually the Misha one. I like the idea of her having someone to talk to besides just Shizune. I also liked the Miki one. I think I liked those two the most because it was just Hisao and one of the girls. I actually wasn't a big fan of the ending where they all gather at the Shanghai. Too crowded for my tastes. My least favorite ending was definitely the "girls revenge" one. That just got me annoyed at the girls. The Hanako ending was also really sweet, and since it doesn't conflict with any of the endings, I like to think she goes shopping with Akira regardless of what decision Hisao makes.