'<death>'
Posted: Sat Oct 25, 2008 9:40 pm
This might delve a little bit too deeply into self-insertion and/or 'personal experience' - two things that I personally loathe in fiction writing.
Still had to be written though.
Storycodes: emi ha hi li rin shi nosex
<death>
---
-Emi-
'I was out at the track, running. I get up earlier than everybody! Well... earlier than most. I like to put in my workouts when there's nobody around and the track is nice and empty, which occasionally makes for some odd times. Hisao always thinks so, at least. Anyway, I was done with my laps, winding down, enjoying the morning. I had picked up my stuff and started jogging back towards the dorm to take a shower. Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite jogging - as if it would matter to anybody, there hardly was anyone around. I would have had to be a complete airhead to bump into someone, you know.
...You weren't thinking of that? Oh. No, no reason. Ahem, so I was getting back to my dorm for a quick shower and a change of clothing, when I saw it coming up from the main gate. An ambulance. Now, those are not exactly an unusual sight here at Yamaku... but they're not any more frequent, or welcome, than anywhere else. Probably less, in fact, because we all can take care of ourselves pretty well, so when one appears, you can bet it's not routine stuff or a transfer. More like, some sorta problem that the nursing staff here can't handle. Which is pretty scary in itself. I mean, something that the Nurse can't handle!?
I kinda slowed down then stopped in my tracks there, getting a bad feeling. The ambulance wasn't in a hurry. I... well, I haven't exactly made a habit of catching rides on ambulances, but for... one reason or another... I have had, um, more than my share of opportunities to talk with their paramedics, and they're usually happy to chat. I mean, awesomely cute girl here. I can understand them completely. Heh. Anyway. I learned a few things from them. It's common sense, really, but it stands to reason that when an ambulance is NOT hurrying, there might be something very wrong. You see, when they're going flat-out, sirens wailing, it's because there's someone inside that needs help, badly.
When they're not going fast, usually it's because they're empty. But... but sometimes, it's because things are beyond help.'
-Shizune-
[I was going to go to the student council room in the main building, and had just exited the dorms. I suppose you could say it caught me by surprise. First thing that I see when I cross the door and get outside is this white red-striped van, it actually took half a second or so for it to register as "ambulance", slowing down to park in front of the dorm. It was rather early, there was still quite a bit of time before first bells... which was the reason I was up, of course. Student council work needs to be done, and not always at convenient times, you know. Anyway... it was not really any of my business, so I got out of the way and waited for them to stop. I was sure they knew what they were doing already, in any case. It was just more convenient, as well as my duty as a council member, to make sure they could go about their business unhindered. I could get to my destination safely once they were done.
Sure enough, the ambulance parks right in front of the dorm - and I mean practically in front of the doors, right in the middle. Evidently I was the only one thinking about not being a bother. These two uniformed men get out, deploy a stretcher, and go in, hardly sparing me a glance. They looked all business, but they weren't moving fast, either. I guess they gave me an impression of... craftsmen doing their job, if you know what I mean. Well, that reassured me. Clearly they had everything under control, so I was free to go. Which I did, a few minutes later. What? I had my plans upset already, so I took a chance to take things easy for a few minutes myself. It's always work work work study, you know. Being in the student council is a full-time job, so I think I'm entitled to a little time to appreciate the morning now and then. After I had done that, I resumed my trip, and arrived at the council room still with time enough left. Misha reached me there a little later, as usual for her. I was a little annoyed that she got in even later than me, but I decided I couldn't scold her in good coscience since I was tardy myself, even though it was no fault of mine.
We got all our work done, then headed to class, where we heard. Yes... truly a tragedy.]
-Hanako-
'W-why do I have to do this!? Can't you...? Um... um, a-alright... Please let me... let me think. We... got out at the worst possible time... I guess. Lilly's and my room are on the... the ground floor, so we missed all the c-commotion. It was on the top floor... I think. We got ready for... class, and went out together. It was a s-shock. There were all these girls arranged in a h-half-circle, surrounding the main entrance, a-and an ambulance behind them, and when we got out they ALL l-looked at US for a moment...
I-it was not us they were waiting for, but I f-felt... I... I didn't... like it. I f-f-froze right in the middle of the d-doorway, and if it... it wasn't for Lilly, I don't think I could have moved... by myself. She understood at once that something was wrong and got me moving, though, and we s-shuffled into the circle so-somehow. ...And not a moment too soon. T-these grim-looking men came out of the door we had just cleared, carrying along someone on a stretcher. It was... it was covered with a blanket, which was nor-normal, but... but the... the face was covered as well, which was not. N-nobody moved or said a w-word. I t-think that... nobody was even breathing for a m-moment. As they c-carted it down the steps towards the ambulance, the... it... the blanket shifted a little, and we could see a w-w-white hand underneath. I-I got the chills just looking at it... and I think I gripped Lilly's arm so hard that I could have bruised her. A-all the girls made a funny little noise then, part whisper part gasp, and then they were parting in front of the men, making a path, m-melting away as though they couldn't be far enough fast enough from them. W-we were far enough to the side that we didn't even g-g-get in the press, but I wanted to... to get away myself.
T-the ambulance started and drove away slowly... the bunch of girls just stood there and... stared until it got out of sight, then they b-broke up by t-twos and threes. We were the l-l-last because I had to try to explain everything to Lilly. And that... was that. Hah! O-only it isn't. I mean... I know I'm practically the p-picture of health compared to many people at Yamaku. But... but what about who ISN'T healthy? Hisao... has it really bad, even though he usually jokes and makes light of it... but when you see something like that, r-regardless of how healthy you are, how can you not wonder if you're next, later today or maybe tomorrow?'
-Lilly-
'I had felt there was something very wrong and was quite upset myself, even before Hanako explained to me what had happened, poor dear. I tried to put up a brave front for her and my classmates, though I don't know how successful I might have been. The news spread through the school like a brushfire. Many people thought it was an exaggeration or some kind of a bad rumor that had gotten out of hand, but just as many were asking around in a casual-but-not-quite way about friends from other classes, or were simply scared. It didn't help that nobody would come up and state a name, either. Then again... I honestly don't know if I would have felt up to making the announcement if I had known, myself. Every time the class door opened and someone came in, you could hear someone heave a sigh of relief. It said 'OK, not this one either'. Latecomers to class never got so many dirty looks as that day, or so I have heard.
Then first bells came, and the teachers arrived. And we got informed. That cut off one kind of fear, but replaced it with a different kind. Everybody was subdued for the rest of the day, and there were many moments of thick silence all through lessons, lunch break, and homeroom. I think... we all got forcibly reminded of our mortality, and we were pondering things we usually take for granted. I know I was doing a lot of that. While I hardly consider myself to be... invulnerable, I suppose it's the best way to put it, I surely regard some things as given. Or regarded. Honestly, I don't know... I am still a bit shaken over the whole thing, I must admit. What I know is that I am going to make a phone call or two to my elder sister and my family, as soon as it's feasible. It's a silly overreaction, surely, but right now I feel it's been much too long since I last talked with them, and it's high time for me to rectify that.'
-Rin-
'What do I think about it? Hmm. Funny, that. Not ha ha ha funny, I mean. I don't think there's anything really funny in somebody dying. Do you? So we think the same thing. Very good. Anyway, I don't know that person. Or I didn't. I don't think I'm very likely to get to know that person in the future, but then again I know more about her now that I ever did before, I suppose, so maybe not. In any case that's not very surprising, I guess, since I don't know lots of people in the school. No, it's because not very many people in the school are interesting, and I'm not interested in things that are not interesting. So it doesn't have anything to do with me. Or it shouldn't, rather. But do you know that feeling when you're making a brushstroke and you know already, in the middle of it, that you're doing it the wrong way but you finish the stroke anyway, instead of stopping midway through? I think it's that kind of feeling, only the other way around. I mean, you want to unmake it, only you can't, of course. So if you reverse that, that's pretty close to it. Well if you don't understand what I'm talking about you could have said so earlier, that's a perfectly good analogy wasted. Is that word the right word? Analogy, I mean. Good, I was not so sure about it. It would have been bad if I had picked the wrong word to complain. Complaining to you using the wrong word could make the complaint ineffective, and I wouldn't want that. ...What was I complaining about, anyway? Ah. And what for? I don't know either. ...Okay, sure, I can try again. That shouldn't have anything to do with me. I did? Well I think this is relevant, so I said it twice. My point is, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing that should affect me, but somehow it does. I don't know. No. No. No, not that. I'm not sure. Not that either. Listen, if you want to ask me if words sound like what I mean, that's fine with me, but it might take some time. Are you sure you don't want me to make up a word for it instead? There's no need to be rude. ...Hold on, what was that? Back up a little. Some more. More. That's it, regret. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think that's the thing I feel, a little bit.
Regret.'
-Hisao-
'Well... "it's very sad, of course, but I didn't know her, so it doesn't really affect me" would have been the answer I would have given before my heart attack, more or less. I'm singing a pretty different tune now. Not only because now this sort of thing concerns me directly, even though of course it does, but because I have started seeing many things in a wholly different light since.
I'm pretty much the new guy here at Yamaku. I'm still learning the ropes, I guess, but a few things have become clear early. For starters, that I'm going to die someday. ...Heh, no, that's not exactly shocking news, but please bear with me. What I mean with that is, I remember the days when I wouldn't even begin to think about that. I felt assured of my existence, or simply unconcerned with the alternatives. I don't know if that's typical of people my age, but I'm sure of this: in Yamaku it isn't. Not because some of us live with a sword of Damocles hanging over our heads - but because overall, I think people here are more concerned with living, and less worried about dying. Mmm, I don't think I'm making myself clear... look, we're all going to die someday, that's no news, indeed. So, the difference is in how we behave before that. As trite as it sounds.
And as sappy as this sounds, I think not one student here isn't going to miss her in some way, me included. I didn't know her well at all, but I'm still going to remember her, if only as 'the girl who didn't make it'. That's not much of an epitaph, sure... but how much of one would you get OUTSIDE of Yamaku? From people you only cross paths with? You know the answer. I'm sorry... I had a bit of a bad experience and I'm still bitter about that sort of thing, I guess. But honestly, I'm serious about this. I feel we will not forget about her. Because she was... ah damn, there's no way to make this not sound like a bad line from a movie. Because she was one of us. I suppose it's somewhat pretentious for the latest arrival to say something like this, but then again the people here have given me cause to believe they'd stand beside me and nod, not make fun of me.
...Eh, I'm rambling. Sorry, I had better go before I make too much a fool of myself. There are a few people I have to see... and make memories with. Goodbye.'
-SC
Still had to be written though.
Storycodes: emi ha hi li rin shi nosex
<death>
---
-Emi-
'I was out at the track, running. I get up earlier than everybody! Well... earlier than most. I like to put in my workouts when there's nobody around and the track is nice and empty, which occasionally makes for some odd times. Hisao always thinks so, at least. Anyway, I was done with my laps, winding down, enjoying the morning. I had picked up my stuff and started jogging back towards the dorm to take a shower. Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite jogging - as if it would matter to anybody, there hardly was anyone around. I would have had to be a complete airhead to bump into someone, you know.
...You weren't thinking of that? Oh. No, no reason. Ahem, so I was getting back to my dorm for a quick shower and a change of clothing, when I saw it coming up from the main gate. An ambulance. Now, those are not exactly an unusual sight here at Yamaku... but they're not any more frequent, or welcome, than anywhere else. Probably less, in fact, because we all can take care of ourselves pretty well, so when one appears, you can bet it's not routine stuff or a transfer. More like, some sorta problem that the nursing staff here can't handle. Which is pretty scary in itself. I mean, something that the Nurse can't handle!?
I kinda slowed down then stopped in my tracks there, getting a bad feeling. The ambulance wasn't in a hurry. I... well, I haven't exactly made a habit of catching rides on ambulances, but for... one reason or another... I have had, um, more than my share of opportunities to talk with their paramedics, and they're usually happy to chat. I mean, awesomely cute girl here. I can understand them completely. Heh. Anyway. I learned a few things from them. It's common sense, really, but it stands to reason that when an ambulance is NOT hurrying, there might be something very wrong. You see, when they're going flat-out, sirens wailing, it's because there's someone inside that needs help, badly.
When they're not going fast, usually it's because they're empty. But... but sometimes, it's because things are beyond help.'
-Shizune-
[I was going to go to the student council room in the main building, and had just exited the dorms. I suppose you could say it caught me by surprise. First thing that I see when I cross the door and get outside is this white red-striped van, it actually took half a second or so for it to register as "ambulance", slowing down to park in front of the dorm. It was rather early, there was still quite a bit of time before first bells... which was the reason I was up, of course. Student council work needs to be done, and not always at convenient times, you know. Anyway... it was not really any of my business, so I got out of the way and waited for them to stop. I was sure they knew what they were doing already, in any case. It was just more convenient, as well as my duty as a council member, to make sure they could go about their business unhindered. I could get to my destination safely once they were done.
Sure enough, the ambulance parks right in front of the dorm - and I mean practically in front of the doors, right in the middle. Evidently I was the only one thinking about not being a bother. These two uniformed men get out, deploy a stretcher, and go in, hardly sparing me a glance. They looked all business, but they weren't moving fast, either. I guess they gave me an impression of... craftsmen doing their job, if you know what I mean. Well, that reassured me. Clearly they had everything under control, so I was free to go. Which I did, a few minutes later. What? I had my plans upset already, so I took a chance to take things easy for a few minutes myself. It's always work work work study, you know. Being in the student council is a full-time job, so I think I'm entitled to a little time to appreciate the morning now and then. After I had done that, I resumed my trip, and arrived at the council room still with time enough left. Misha reached me there a little later, as usual for her. I was a little annoyed that she got in even later than me, but I decided I couldn't scold her in good coscience since I was tardy myself, even though it was no fault of mine.
We got all our work done, then headed to class, where we heard. Yes... truly a tragedy.]
-Hanako-
'W-why do I have to do this!? Can't you...? Um... um, a-alright... Please let me... let me think. We... got out at the worst possible time... I guess. Lilly's and my room are on the... the ground floor, so we missed all the c-commotion. It was on the top floor... I think. We got ready for... class, and went out together. It was a s-shock. There were all these girls arranged in a h-half-circle, surrounding the main entrance, a-and an ambulance behind them, and when we got out they ALL l-looked at US for a moment...
I-it was not us they were waiting for, but I f-felt... I... I didn't... like it. I f-f-froze right in the middle of the d-doorway, and if it... it wasn't for Lilly, I don't think I could have moved... by myself. She understood at once that something was wrong and got me moving, though, and we s-shuffled into the circle so-somehow. ...And not a moment too soon. T-these grim-looking men came out of the door we had just cleared, carrying along someone on a stretcher. It was... it was covered with a blanket, which was nor-normal, but... but the... the face was covered as well, which was not. N-nobody moved or said a w-word. I t-think that... nobody was even breathing for a m-moment. As they c-carted it down the steps towards the ambulance, the... it... the blanket shifted a little, and we could see a w-w-white hand underneath. I-I got the chills just looking at it... and I think I gripped Lilly's arm so hard that I could have bruised her. A-all the girls made a funny little noise then, part whisper part gasp, and then they were parting in front of the men, making a path, m-melting away as though they couldn't be far enough fast enough from them. W-we were far enough to the side that we didn't even g-g-get in the press, but I wanted to... to get away myself.
T-the ambulance started and drove away slowly... the bunch of girls just stood there and... stared until it got out of sight, then they b-broke up by t-twos and threes. We were the l-l-last because I had to try to explain everything to Lilly. And that... was that. Hah! O-only it isn't. I mean... I know I'm practically the p-picture of health compared to many people at Yamaku. But... but what about who ISN'T healthy? Hisao... has it really bad, even though he usually jokes and makes light of it... but when you see something like that, r-regardless of how healthy you are, how can you not wonder if you're next, later today or maybe tomorrow?'
-Lilly-
'I had felt there was something very wrong and was quite upset myself, even before Hanako explained to me what had happened, poor dear. I tried to put up a brave front for her and my classmates, though I don't know how successful I might have been. The news spread through the school like a brushfire. Many people thought it was an exaggeration or some kind of a bad rumor that had gotten out of hand, but just as many were asking around in a casual-but-not-quite way about friends from other classes, or were simply scared. It didn't help that nobody would come up and state a name, either. Then again... I honestly don't know if I would have felt up to making the announcement if I had known, myself. Every time the class door opened and someone came in, you could hear someone heave a sigh of relief. It said 'OK, not this one either'. Latecomers to class never got so many dirty looks as that day, or so I have heard.
Then first bells came, and the teachers arrived. And we got informed. That cut off one kind of fear, but replaced it with a different kind. Everybody was subdued for the rest of the day, and there were many moments of thick silence all through lessons, lunch break, and homeroom. I think... we all got forcibly reminded of our mortality, and we were pondering things we usually take for granted. I know I was doing a lot of that. While I hardly consider myself to be... invulnerable, I suppose it's the best way to put it, I surely regard some things as given. Or regarded. Honestly, I don't know... I am still a bit shaken over the whole thing, I must admit. What I know is that I am going to make a phone call or two to my elder sister and my family, as soon as it's feasible. It's a silly overreaction, surely, but right now I feel it's been much too long since I last talked with them, and it's high time for me to rectify that.'
-Rin-
'What do I think about it? Hmm. Funny, that. Not ha ha ha funny, I mean. I don't think there's anything really funny in somebody dying. Do you? So we think the same thing. Very good. Anyway, I don't know that person. Or I didn't. I don't think I'm very likely to get to know that person in the future, but then again I know more about her now that I ever did before, I suppose, so maybe not. In any case that's not very surprising, I guess, since I don't know lots of people in the school. No, it's because not very many people in the school are interesting, and I'm not interested in things that are not interesting. So it doesn't have anything to do with me. Or it shouldn't, rather. But do you know that feeling when you're making a brushstroke and you know already, in the middle of it, that you're doing it the wrong way but you finish the stroke anyway, instead of stopping midway through? I think it's that kind of feeling, only the other way around. I mean, you want to unmake it, only you can't, of course. So if you reverse that, that's pretty close to it. Well if you don't understand what I'm talking about you could have said so earlier, that's a perfectly good analogy wasted. Is that word the right word? Analogy, I mean. Good, I was not so sure about it. It would have been bad if I had picked the wrong word to complain. Complaining to you using the wrong word could make the complaint ineffective, and I wouldn't want that. ...What was I complaining about, anyway? Ah. And what for? I don't know either. ...Okay, sure, I can try again. That shouldn't have anything to do with me. I did? Well I think this is relevant, so I said it twice. My point is, it doesn't seem like the kind of thing that should affect me, but somehow it does. I don't know. No. No. No, not that. I'm not sure. Not that either. Listen, if you want to ask me if words sound like what I mean, that's fine with me, but it might take some time. Are you sure you don't want me to make up a word for it instead? There's no need to be rude. ...Hold on, what was that? Back up a little. Some more. More. That's it, regret. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think that's the thing I feel, a little bit.
Regret.'
-Hisao-
'Well... "it's very sad, of course, but I didn't know her, so it doesn't really affect me" would have been the answer I would have given before my heart attack, more or less. I'm singing a pretty different tune now. Not only because now this sort of thing concerns me directly, even though of course it does, but because I have started seeing many things in a wholly different light since.
I'm pretty much the new guy here at Yamaku. I'm still learning the ropes, I guess, but a few things have become clear early. For starters, that I'm going to die someday. ...Heh, no, that's not exactly shocking news, but please bear with me. What I mean with that is, I remember the days when I wouldn't even begin to think about that. I felt assured of my existence, or simply unconcerned with the alternatives. I don't know if that's typical of people my age, but I'm sure of this: in Yamaku it isn't. Not because some of us live with a sword of Damocles hanging over our heads - but because overall, I think people here are more concerned with living, and less worried about dying. Mmm, I don't think I'm making myself clear... look, we're all going to die someday, that's no news, indeed. So, the difference is in how we behave before that. As trite as it sounds.
And as sappy as this sounds, I think not one student here isn't going to miss her in some way, me included. I didn't know her well at all, but I'm still going to remember her, if only as 'the girl who didn't make it'. That's not much of an epitaph, sure... but how much of one would you get OUTSIDE of Yamaku? From people you only cross paths with? You know the answer. I'm sorry... I had a bit of a bad experience and I'm still bitter about that sort of thing, I guess. But honestly, I'm serious about this. I feel we will not forget about her. Because she was... ah damn, there's no way to make this not sound like a bad line from a movie. Because she was one of us. I suppose it's somewhat pretentious for the latest arrival to say something like this, but then again the people here have given me cause to believe they'd stand beside me and nod, not make fun of me.
...Eh, I'm rambling. Sorry, I had better go before I make too much a fool of myself. There are a few people I have to see... and make memories with. Goodbye.'
-SC