Katawa Shoujo Forums

Hey all, I just spent the last week addicted to KS Fan Fiction so decided to try my hand at my own. Turns out I like writing, let me know what you think. And thanks to all the other writers here, so much great content!

Pt1
Pt2
Pt3
Pt4
Pt5

Relevant art, thanks whoever did these;
http://shimmie.katawa-shoujo.com/image/2141.jpg
http://shimmie.katawa-shoujo.com/image/1719.png

Bad Hanako: Pt1

I sit down in the tea room and wait for Lilly, I arrived early today after skipping group work again. I Thought I might try and work with Hisao, but he has been talking to me less and less lately. When he first came to Yamaku he spend most of his lunches with me and Lilly, but now I barely see him. He's either running with Emi or eating lunch with her and Rin.

The door opens and Lilly enters and sits down with a flushed sigh. I'm distracted by my thoughts and Lilly has sat down before I have a chance to greet her. She rests her head in her hands, probably tired after class president duties.

“H-hello Lilly”

“Ah!-” Lilly jumps in her chair, her eyes suddenly wide awake, “H-Hanako?”

“S-sorry Lilly, I d-didn't meant to s-scare you”

“That's okay Hanako, just try not to do that again. Its hard enough to keep my composure with Kenji in my class.”

“Has he been bothering you again?”

“Not just me, the whole class. He spent the last two hours hiding under desks with a cassette recorder. The teacher eventually had to make him leave. And after that I had do fill out a form for the student council about the removal of a student from class, which Shizuni promptly berated me about. Apparently It's all my fault for not being more understanding of Kenji's needs,” Lilly stood up and makes her way to the bench. “I hope you don't mind Hanako but I need some very strong tea right now.”

I giggle slightly at Lilly's frustration, “I'll get the sandwiches.”

We eat our meal in silence, enjoying the company of each other.

After finishing her tea, Lilly asks, “Have you seen much of Hisao lately Hanako?”

I blush, thankful that she cant see me. In truth, I have been keeping an eye on Hisao for some time. Ever since he sat down in the library with me I was a little infatuated with him. He was very nice to me and seemed to like the same things I did. And he never asked about my scars, they didnt even seem to bother him. But I was worried now, I barely saw him anymore. “He spoke to me yesterday”

Spoke to me then was dragged away by Emi. I'm sure if Emi wasn't there he would talk to me more. The warning bell rings and Lilly stands up to start clearing the mess. I get up and help, wondering if I should ask her about Hisao and Emi. Why not? Its not like she wouldn't be curious either. “Lilly?”

“Yes?”

“Hisao and Emi, d-do you s-suppose....”, I pause suddenly embarrassed, “L-like each other?”

“Hmm, they do spend a lot of time together. I heard that Emi is Hisao's fitness trainer, and that the nurse was making Hisao run. Its hard to tell though, I see so little of them both.”

A smile brightens my face with a small bit of hope, only to quickly turn back to a blush when Lilly asks, “So why the interest Hanako?”

“I, w-was j-just, ah....” ,“BRRRING”, saved by the bell. “Got to go to class!” I blurt out, quickly leaving the smirking Lilly.


***********************************************************************************************************************************************************


The next day I decide to invite Hisao To have lunch with me and Lilly. I take extra care with my hair this morning, making sure it is flat and straight. I thought about putting on makeup but had no idea where to start. Maybe I can get Akira to show me one day.

When I get to class I see Hisao is already there, as well as Shizune and her trumpet. I cover half my face with a hand, both covering my scars and blotting out Shizune as I approach Him.

“H-Hi H-Hisao”

“Good morning Hanako, haven’t had much time to talk recently have we”

I shake my head, “W-would you l-like to have l-lunch w-with me? … and L-Lilly”

“That would be great Hanako. Do I get to try some more of your fabulous cooking?” He asks with a wink.

I nod slightly then make my way to my desk, avoiding Shizune's stare as I do. I sit down and bury my face in my arms, smiling to myself. I hear Misha Trying to be quiet, and failing miserably “So Hichan, ready for your date? Whaha”

Her laugh is as impeccably timed as ever, Muto walks in and quickly silences her.

Time passes quickly, with me paying little attention to the lecture, When the bell finally rings, cutting of Muto mid sentence, I look arround for Lilly. She shows up several slow minutes later and pokes her head in the door “Hanako?”

I steep up and cheerfully greet her, “Hello Lilly”

“My aren't we in a good mood today”

“Hi Lilly” Hisao pipes up

“Hisao? Its good to hear you, would you like to have lunch with us today?”

“That would be great, Hanako already invited me up actually. Tempting me with tales of her fine cooking”

Is he only coming because of the food? “I-I d-didn't mean t-”

“Sorry Hanako, I was just teasing you, Shall we get going?”

The three of us head out of the classroom and head for the tea room. I find myself slowing my pace slightly to bring myself closer to Hisao. What am I doing? I don't Know if he even likes me. He seemed to spend a lot of time with Lilly at the start of the year as well. Maybe he is just spending time with me to get close to Lilly, she's much prettier than me and doesn't have hideous scars covering half her body. I drop my head and move closer to Lilly, clasping her arm. She stiffens at my touch, I haven't done this for weeks but I need the comfort.

Lilly puts her hand on mine as she hears the thumping of someone running down the hall. Emi comes screeching to a halt behind Hisao “Hi Hisao, ready for lunch?” she bounces up and down on the spot, obviously having too much pent up energy.

“Sorry Emi, I already have plans with Lilly and Hanako. I'll be there tomorrow though”

Emi frowns and looks at us with her puppydog eyes, making me think she is going to try and take Hisao away. She perks up quickly, “Have fun you three” then bounds off down the hall.

I quickly hide my smile as Hisao turns back to us, “Well, lets get going then”

Next

Bad Hanako: Pt2

As Lilly gets the tea ready I open three plastic containers from my bag. I planned this cleverly the night before. There were two containers of fried rice with chicken and egg, and another container for myself that had the far tastier and more aromatic lime, ginger and prawn fried rice. Hisao was bound to want to try some of mine, and to do so he would have to reach over nice and close. I smile at the thought, closing my eyes and imagining Hisao's head reasting on my lap as I feed him delicious morsels of food. I wrap my legs arround him and bend down to kiss him on the forehead, he surns around and stared deeply into my eyes and says - “This smells delicious Hanako” Lilly reaches for some fried rice.

“Hey, how come Lilly gets the one with prawns.” Hisao protests.

I look at the two and cant think of anything to say, “I..”

“I..?” Lilly looks confused

“No you don't” Hisao says putting a hand on my shoulder, “You can run away when the bell rings”

Lilly giggles, imagining what is happening, but having no real idea.

“Come on, eat up,” He pulls me closer and whispered into my ear, “I bet you wanted the prawns, right?”

My whole body flushes with the contact all I can do is nod. He releases me and I watch him and Lilly consume their meals, still feeling the lingering warmth on my shoulder. Lilly and Hisao converse happily while I sit and listen. After a while Lilly brings up the topic of Emi, “So Hisao, you seem to be spending a lot of time with Emi.”

Hisao turns red and I listen intently “Yeah, she's, ah. Well she's fun to be around”

“It wouldn’t be more than that, would it Hisao?” Lilly presses, taking a sip from her tea.

Hisao relents, “Okay, I think I like her. I'm not sure if she likes me though, I think she is just dragging me along so she doesn't get bored in on her morning runs.”

I feel my eyes start to water and quickly turn away so he doesn't see me.

“Well I wish you two the best.” Lilly say's, her upbeat demeanor heavily contrasting mine.

The room falls quiet again and Hisao soon stands to leave, “Well class should be starting soon, I should get going” He looks to me and opens his mouth, as if to say something, but closes it and waves as he heads back to class.

“Hanako and I will clean up here, see you later Hisao”

Lilly stands after hearing Hisao close the door behind him and sits next to me. “I'm sorry Hanako” she whispers, embracing me in a tight hug. I silently cry on her shoulder, we remain together long after the bell rings. Lilly stands me up and takes me back to my dormitory.


***********************************************************************************************************************************************************


The next day I head to class late so I can avoid talking to Hisao in the morning. He smiles at me as I enter and I shy away from his gaze. I really wanted him to like me, maybe we can still be friends. I pay attention in class and wait for Lilly to arrive. I'm feeling much better by the time she picks me up from my class and after an enjoyable lunch I am almost back to my old self. Until I spot Emi. And Hisao.

I clench my fists as I stare at the two. He's mine! I start marching towards the two of them then stop. What was I even planning? I stare as the two part ways. Could I convince Emi I was better for Hisao? No, there's no way that would work, but even as I think that I grab a surprised looking Emi and lead her outside to the edge of the grounds.

“What the hell Hanako?” Emi blurts out finally breaking free

I, I .. How did I get here?

“Hisao is mine!” my face is contorted in rage, unable to control the outburst.

“H-Hanako? You're scaring me”

“You kissed him! MY HISAO!” I shove Emi backwards and she falls hard onto the ground.

I didn't want to do that...

Emi starts crying and scampers to a upright position before sprinting into the forrest around the Yamaku grounds.

I sink to the ground, what have I done? I whisper under my breath, “I'm sorry Hisao”

Emi, I look up and see her fleeing into the trees “Wait Emi! I'm sorry!” I get up and sprint after her. After a small while I spot her crying under a tree hugging her legs. “Emi!”

She sees me and scrambles to her feet running away from me again. Then almost in slow motion, her prosthetic legs catch on a fallen branch, she goes tumbling forwards and her head smashes against a rock. No, Please don't let that be what happened. I slowly walk closer to her, her body is slowly twitching as blood oozes out of her shattered skull.I stand there for what must be hours. I pluck up my courage and prod Emi. But its not Emi anymore, its a limp, lifeless corpse. It was all my fault. Or was it? She ran. Why did she have to run? If she didn't run away this wouldn't have happened. The same thoughts ran through my head again and again. Then a new one. I can't be here. What would Hisao think? He would blame me, he wouldn't understand. I have to go. I have to forget this.

And so I stand up and head to the Dormitories. I slip into my bed and cry myself to sleep. How did it all go so wrong.

Next

I can sense a proverbial shit rapidly approaching the fan

@ Munchenhausen
I'm not certain of course but this seems more like a one-shot?

So except for the last quarter it all seems reasonably in-character. I think one could argue about Hanako being a bit more forthcoming but it's not too stretched and partially okay because it's part of the premise I suppose. But then the last quarter it just goes completely OOC and it feels like we actually need weeks if not months of Hanako character development to justify what ends up happening.

Okay, let's get the formalities out of the way first:

I had do fill out a form for the student counsel

council

I cover my half my face a hand,

Something mixed up here.

Tempting me tales of her fine cooking”

"with tales"

Maybe he is just doing spending time with me

she's much prettier than me

Though this is considered correct by many, I strongly prefer "prettier than I" in everything but direct speech.
Plus a few minor typos.

As for the story... You had a strong start, and you kept your momentum almost through to the end.
And then you finish the story by basically writing "...and then Emi stumbles and dies and I return to my room. Fin."
It reads like you either didn't know how to continue from there or - worse - you wrote that entire story just to kill off Emi, which I would consider a mild form of trolling...
Killing characters off for shock value is just cheap.

@Blasphemy, The plan is for this to be an introduction, something that can change Hanako's personality enough for me to make her a serial killer(which is so completely out of character that something major needs to happen to her personality). And of course Detective Kenji is going have to be on the case. All just lose ideas in my head at this stage, but it is by no means going to be a serious story.

@Mirage_GSM, Thanks for the edits, there's always a few I miss when writing. About 'prettier than me/I', What about thoughts? Those are internal dialogue and quite similar to speech. Thanks for the link too, but that went over my head. It reminded me a lot of English classes that I flunked

As for the story speeding up at the end, I tried to drag it out a bit more, but had trouble. I wanted her to not really be thinking or doing much for a lot of it (shock/surprise yadda yadda), but when I did that it comes of like; action action (nothing) action action, and ended up quite short for what should have been very long time. I'm sure a better writer could find a way to do what I wanted but after several rewrites, I just settled for whats there.

About 'prettier than me/I', What about thoughts? Those are internal dialogue and quite similar to speech.

You could make a case for that - and indeed many people are making the case that you can use it that way whereever - but I wouldn't use it that way in internal monologue either.

The plan is for this to be an introduction, something that can change Hanako's personality...

It's good to see that you have a plan for this beyond killing off a character. I'm not asking for more at this point.

GorisTheKing wrote: And of course Detective Kenji is going have to be on the case.

If I may reiterate

Very very interesting. I can pictures he next chapter in my head. All I have to do is wait and see if my guesses are right :3

Wow. Such story. So suspense. Much feelings. I like

motokid108 wrote:Wow. Such story. So suspense. Much feelings. I like

Don't make me hurt you.

motokid108 wrote:Wow. Such story. So suspense. Much feelings. I like

Oh.
Oh dear.

Found some time for the next part, it ended up longer than I planned, but whatever. Hope its up to the thrilling expectations of Munchenhausen (*cough* See what I did there).

Pt3

I wake and roll over to stare at the clock. 2am. I have to get some sleep. I have to go to class tomorrow. If I don't then people will think it suspicious. Somebody was bound to seen Emi and me arguing, I had to go on with my life as normal and try to forget it. Images flash in front of me, the blood and twitching body lingering in my mind. Forget it Hanako, just don't think about it. Think about Lilly. Thats it, you can meet Lilly tomorrow and have a nice relaxing cup of tea.

2.05 am

Lilly would hear about the argument I had with Emi, would she think I made her run away? Should I tell her tomorrow or wait? If I tell her then I am linking myself to Emi's disappearance, which wouldn't be good. If I wait then I can hear what others saw of me and Emi, I think that would be better. If nobody saw me chasing her then I can just not mention that. Nobody needs to know.

2.10 am

Should I have buried the body? It'll be found quickly like it is now. No, don’t be silly, you could never dig a hole big enough. Oh god, it would look like a murder if I did that. Silly idea Hanako, You're innocent, Emi was just being reckless and running in the woods.

2.15 am

Arrrg! I can't sleep. Reading a book will help me sleep. I roll out of bed and shuffle over to my school bag, and beging to rummage through the pockets. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, hmm, not the best choice, I think I will return that to the library tomorrow. Ah, this is what I wanted, my financial accounting textbook, it's bound to send me to sleep.

2.30 am

I'm soooo bored! At least I stopped thinking about.... oh.

After a restless night I wake and start to get ready for class. I look in the mirror and see large bags under my eyes, guess I'll tell Lilly I spent the night reading again. It's what I do whenever I'm kept awake by nightmares of my time at the orphanage. I gather my belonging's and head to the cafeteria for an early breakfast, hoping to pick up some gossip.

On my way out of the dormitory I encounter a half naked woman banging her stumpy arms against a door. She turns and looks at me with a blank expression. “Need to get dressed”

“I-I c-can see that”, I say, staring at her bare chest.

“The door wont open” she says, looking to the door then back to me.

Wait, I've seen her before. With Hisao, and … Emi. She must be Emi's friend. My face turns white and I stammer something before turning around and running for the staircase on the opposite side of the building.

Oh god, she probably suspects something now. I head outside and breath in the cool fresh hair. I pause for a moment and calm myself. No she won't. I'm just a poor little girl that everyone overlooks, shy and helpless. A giggle escapes my lips and I press my scared hand to my lips, I'm going to be fine.


***********************************************************************************


I enter class and say good morning to Hisao before taking my seat. His response was halfhearted, likely worried at Emi not turning up to the track this morning.

The class progresses as normal until there is a thump on the door. “Hello”

Muto stops talking and looks at the door. There is another thump. “The door is closed”

Muto walks over and opens the door, walking out as everyone stares at the door. There are a few muffled whispers and then he pokes his head around the door, beckoning Hisao over.

Is this it? The moment when he finds out. I wonder how he will react.

There is more muffled conversation and then Muto speaks to the class, “Did anybody see a Emi Ibarazaki this morning?”

There is a chorus of no's and shaking heads. Muto lazily looks around the class before asking another question, “Did anybody see her yesterday? After around lunch time?”

Again people shake there heads, except for Suzi, who rubs her eyes and say's “I saw her with a purple haired girl yesterday, just after the lunch break”

“Yes we heard that from Emi's class as well, but nobody is sure who the girl is. If anybody see's Emi please let the Yamaku staff know, she has been missing since yesterday.”

This sets off hushed whispers in the class, leaving me to wonder how nobody recognized me leading Emi through the school. Am I really that unknown? Nobody outside 3-1 even recognized me. Even Suzi didn’t and she is sitting three seats in front of me.

The class soon settles down and Muto picks up where he left off, “.....and so by using the jacobian, we can solve any system of linear equations. The downside of this is th…..”

Hisao didn't come back. That's probably for the best, I didn't want him to draw a connection between the purple haired girl and myself. There likely aren't many people looking like that at Yamaku. With any luck Emi will be found soon, the sooner her death is ruled an accident the better. I don't want to be asked any questions about yesterday.


***********************************************************************************


It is nearly dinner time when I hear faint sirens through an open window in the library. This is is then, they found her. I close my book and snuggle into my bean bag, weeping silently.

The lights flick off, Yuuko must have closed without checking to see if I was still here. That's okay, the darkness and complete isolation is calming and reassuring. Why cant life always be like this. Just me and my thoughts. Okay, maybe my thoughts aren't always good company. Yuuko came and told me about Emi, she was very quiet and looked disturbed. I think she was wanting company, but I quickly told her to leave after feigning surprise. I even stopped blinking to give myself red eyes. Thinking on that I wasn't sure it was the best idea. I decide to look in a mirror when I get to my dorm, it might look like I'm upset, or I might look like I forgot to blink. Hopefully the prior.

What happened to Emi was my little secret, and keeping it a secret was almost fun. Almost. I felt a bit like a secret agent from one of my books, protecting valuable secrets from dangerous people.

I stay at the library for another hour, until the noises of life below me dies down. Yuuko had locked the door behind her, but that was no problem for me. She locked me in enough times to figure a way out. I reach into my bag and pick out a stiff piece of plastic with a hook shape at the end. I slide it between the door and frame, wiggling it slightly until the latch is free of the door. I step into the bright halls of Yamaku, blinded slightly by the change in light. Quickly adjusting I close the door behind me and head for Lilly's dormitory, she would be expecting to see me after such a major event.

I knock and are invited in to Lilly's room. She sits some tea in front of me, a pleasant lemony aroma reaches my nostrils. “Hanako, did you hear what happened?”

I nod, quickly realizing the futility of the gesture and speak “y-yeah” Not saying much and stammering lots should keep Lilly from speaking. She likes to keep quiet when she thinks I'm in a delicate mood.

I can see tear starting to form in her otherwise blank eyes, “I-I …...”

She cradles her head in her arms, choking out some words “Why did this have to happen?”

I'm not surprised at Lilly's reaction. She was always very sensitive, not that you would know it from the almost pompous act she puts on for strangers. She wouldn’t be sad about the death. She would be sad about the idea behind Emi's death. At any moment her friends and family could be snatched away from her, a reality that is even more real at Yamaku than anywhere else. And that makes me sad aswell, not for the same reasons, but because Lilly is my closest friend, and I don't want her to be unhappy.

Reaching out for her I pull her into a tight hug. She reciprocates, squeezing my face into her shoulder. We remain together for a while after having calmed down, I always like our hugs. We should hug more often. Lilly eventually breaks off, “Would you like some more tea? I'm certain the current batch will be cold by now.”

I agree with her and we settle down for another of our usual evenings, a quiet night spent enjoying the company of a friend, a very good friend.



***********************************************************************************


The next day I head to class with my head clear, nothing bad happened to me, there isn't going to be an investigation, and Hisao is free from Emi. He probably only liked her because she liked him. Give it a few weeks and he should be over her.

I stand outside the class, watching a red eyed Hisao as Miki walks away from him. I didn't expect him in class today, maybe he wanted to keep his mind off Emi. Not that he is having much luck, Shizune approaches and gives him a tight hug. She signs something behind her but Misha doesn't translate.

I approach Hisao after Shizune walks away and quietly stammer, “S-s-sorry H-hisao.”

He abruptly stands up, knocking his chair to the ground and then storming out of the class. I stare after him, he just wanted to forget it. Why didn't Miki and Shizune let him. Could I follow him? Comfort him? No, if it was me I would want time and space, so that is what I would give him. I frown and look at Shizune, she looks back with a puzzled expression. For the first time I don't drop my gaze, staring straight into her eyes. She looks away, taking a single glance back when I sit down.

After the day's classes end Shizune hands me a note: 'Please help me in the student council room. Hisao and Misha won't be there and I need a extra hand.' I look up at Shizune's pleading face and shake my head, she has always been mean to Lilly, and by extension, me. Why does she think she can use me all of a sudden when her helpers have left. She slides another note over to me, 'Please?'. I crumple the note onto the floor and pack my things. Shizune looks disappointed and walks back to Misha before starting a frantic conversation in sign.

Not wanting Lilly to get into another argument with Shizune I head out of the room and try to find her. She never told me why she and Shizune disliked each other. I suppose it must be because of how hard it is to communicate. The blaring, tactless foghorn was enough to make anybody uneasy. Put Shizune's harsh personality on top of that and you get an ugly combination. Come to think of it, that was the first time Shizune tried to talk to me in over 6 months. The last time she tried to scold me for missing so many classes, which mad me run away and hide in my room for the rest of the week.

I have gotten a lot better since then, thanks to Lilly, and now Hisao. I even feel bolder after my fight with Emi. Who knows, one day I may be able to walk through a busy street with my head held high. My therapist suggested doing that, just so I could see how it felt. She said that my shy and submissive apparence actually brought more attention to myself than my scars did. Still, change is hard and not always welcome.


***********************************************************************************


I settle in my usual spot in the library, wiggling by bottom to get comfortable in my beanbag. It smells funny today, but not unpleasant, somebody else must have been using it. It's almost an invasion of privacy, this quiet spot is almost like a second home, and to have somebody else using it doesn’t feel right. Not that I can do much about it. Hiding the beanbag? Could I do that? I look around for a suitable spot, it would fit over the top of one of the book cases. Hmm, okay no it wouldn't. Having a giant beanbag oozing over the top of a case of books would look rather suspicious. Forget it Hanako, read a book before your mind wonders again.

Just as I settle into my book I hear a cough behind me. “Thought I'd find you here.”

Hisao stands there with red eyes and a drooping face, “I needed some company. Is it alright if I read with you? I don't want to talk, just.... I don't want to be alone.”

This is not what I expected at all, I imagined him staring at the roof of his dorm, thinking on life and what it dealt him and Emi. I like this more however, his company is always welcome, even if it is out of his own need rather than mine. I nod before turning back to my book, I shift my body so I can peer at Hisao out of the corners of my eye, I doubt much reading will happen while he is here.

He sits, and opens a book. He dosent read it, just sets it on his lap and stares in front of him. After a while he closes his eyes and his head droops. I guess he didn't get much sleep with all that happened. I feel sorry for Him when a frown crosses his face. He mush be having a bad dream. I contemplate waking him by he said he didn't want to talk. Then again, he wanted company as well, and he cant enjoy my company if he is sleeping. I pick out Lilly's spare cane from my bag and extend it, giving Hisao a sharp prod on the nose. No response, harder this time! Success! He stirs, swatting away imagined objects from his face. I hide the cane and stare at the pages of my book.. ack. I'm still on the fiftieth page. Quickly flipping halfway through the book I put on my best nonchalant expression.

Oh god, he's staring at me. What do I do, be calm, you weren’t looking at him, you are just innocently reading a book. I flip a page, that’s what I do while reading right? How long was it since the last page? Time for another? Okay another page....

“Hanako?”

“eeek!”

“Ah, sorry. I was, ah, just... I was going to go now. Thanks for the company.”

And he leaves me. Well, I get to breathe now, that was more stressfull than I would have hoped. I still have a long way to go before I am comfortable around people.

After resting for a while, and actually managing to read some of my book, I head for the dormitories. I decide on a quiet nights rest before school tomorrow, already feeling my eyelids droop. No time for Lilly tonight.

Next

Liking part 3, there were a few minor spelling mistakes that I don't have time to mention in whole at the moment, but otherwise, it's developing well!

Write on, my good man!

GorisTheKing wrote:On my way out of the dormitory I encounter a half naked woman banging her stumpy arms against a door. She turns and looks at me with a blank expression. “Need to get dressed”

Oh wow, that actually made me feel quite bad

Otherwise, I am indeed liking this, pal I'm liking the distinct difference between Hanako's more cynical inner thoughts and how she appears to other people. Reminds me quite a lot of that retelling of Hanako's route from her point of view. The contrast of what ahe feels and what she seems is one that's always piqued my interest.
Having a reputation to be the anxious, stuttery girl who doesn't talk must be a godsend for the impending serial killer.

Nice work so far, can't wait to see what else you have planned!