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Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:23 pm
by UltimateShammer
Hello to all! I am excited to share the first part of my story, and it will be a OC heavy one. I apologize if that turns you away, but if it doesn't, then by all means stay! I am not a very experienced writer, but I hope to improve that as time goes on.

Okay, so first things first: I have varying amounts of free time due to school, so writing may not come out at consistent times. Second, I am a virgin, and I have no idea as to what experiencing sex is like, so I will not be writing any sexual encounters, simply because I wouldn't be knowing what I was talking about. I hope you enjoy it, and criticism is absolutely encouraged and will be very valued! :D

Act 1: Experiencing a New Sensation
Ch 1: this post
Ch 2: Upcoming!

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Forty years. That’s how long ago this school was established. Yet somehow, this is the best they - my parents, the doctors, the teachers, anybody - could offer me. They kept going on about how it’s an opportunity. Ha, as if that was supposed to be of any consolation. Maybe if more time had passed, maybe if this “opportunity” wasn’t being covered by the face of It. I look around the empty classroom I sit in, waiting. While observing, my thoughts and emotions sink slowly, until my sulking is interrupted by a sound from the doorway. My ears tell me that behind me, someone shouted to me.

Maybe if I ignore them, they’ll leave me alone.

After another shout rings throughout the room, I give in and resolve to look at whoever’s interrupting my depression once they speak again, if they speak again.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

I finally look behind me, and when I see the body the voice belongs to, I give a bit of a start. I see a tall lanky boy, wearing the uniform (obviously), as well as some sort of arm bands sewed with patches onto them. He has a smooth jawline, flat ear length hair of a auburn color, and shocking eyes. Once I see his eyes, I have a hard time looking away, mainly due to their strikingly blue nature. He notices my distinct lack of talking, and repeats his question.

“Goro Letourneau.” Noticing his surprised expression, I explain. “French Canadian father, Japanese mother.”

“Oh okay. So why are you in this room? Don’t you know that this room isn’t used?” Almost as soon as the words exit his mouth, he has a look of realization upon his face. “Oh! You’re the new student Saten was talking about, aren’t you! Come with me, I’ll bring you to the class.” He doesn’t give me an option to refuse before he walks over and pulls me up and along. Despite his skinny nature, he’s quite strong.

“Yes, that would be me. Can I ask what your name is?”

“Diachi Kanemoto, but calling me Diachi is acceptable.”

Feeling obligated to make myself seem more informal I tell him he can do the same with my name.

After 2 corners, a couple flights of stairs, and another turn, we arrive at class 1-2. Of course. I put my palm onto my face and sigh as I realize my mistake.

Diachi tilts his head before asking, “What’s up Goro? Did you forget something?”

Shaking my head, “No, not something physical at least. I’m dyslexic, so I misread 1-2 on the sheet my parents printed out for me with all my information on it. No big deal though, let’s go in.” I open the door and hold it open, letting him enter the room first. I hesitate for a moment, letting him announce our presence and prepare our classmates and teacher, and I enter.

As I walk in, I’m fully expecting a class full of glares for delaying the class and maybe even a detention, but what I see could not be farther from the truth. I look to my left and I see a group of four students made up of two girls and two guys. They all stop talking and wave to me before returning to their what seems to be heated debate. I look ahead of me and I see a woman sitting in her chair with a cup of tea, conversing with Diachi and a girl. The woman, who I can only assume to be my new teacher, waves me over.

“Hello there! You must be Goro Letourneau! It’s regrettable you got lost, but I think I can forgive the offense.” She speaks this statement with a wink. I suppose this is one of the teachers where they prefer to be friends with their students. “I’m Saten, and would prefer to be called as such. None of that Ms. or Mrs. business, I feel old enough as it is!” The joke is accompanied by a loud laugh and a smile. “Alright, let’s get you introduced to the class.”

Wait a minute, introduce myself? “But Saten, shouldn’t we wait for the rest of the class? Only a few students are here right now.”

“This is the entire class, Goro.”

Wait, what? The entire class is 6 students, now 7 including me? This is going to be an interesting year. I agree to introduce myself, and after the class’s attention is caught, I begin. “Hello, my name is Letourneau Goro, but I’m sure that calling me Letourneau could get tiring to say after a while, so you can call me Goro if your wish. My father is French Canadian, that’s how I got the surname. I’m a fan of some western culture, especially music, I sing and I can code. I hope that we can get along, otherwise it’s going to be a tough year for all of us.” I let out the last bit unplanned, and deliver it with a chuckle to let them know it’s a joke. After I’m done speaking, they all give me their names.

Oh god, how will I remember all of these names and faces?

I manage to remember their names and a distinct feature of each of them. Saten, the teacher. Diachi, the armbands boy. Mitori, the golden chain and bracelets girl. Sayoko, the highlighted hair girl. Yoshida, the brick wall boy (man?). Kaguya, the light up sneakers girl. Finally, Yuzuru, the really talkative boy. After getting to know each of them a little bit, the class is dismissed for the day.

Wow, I must’ve really delayed the class. I’ll have to make sure to apologize to Saten tomorrow.

I head up to my dorms, and fall asleep before I even have a chance to inspect the room.

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So this has been the first chapter! A great start (I'd say) with a word count of 969 words, otherwise known as Northernlion's holy number.

P.S. You might notice a lot of tips of the hat to different shows and people, so keep an eye out in the future!

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:31 am
by Kyler Thatch
Hm... I'm pretty sure dyslexia isn't one of those things that someone would be sent to Yamaku for, since it's a learning disability and not a physical one. Unless, of course, there's something else wrong with him that has yet to even be hinted at. That, or he has something going on similar to Misha's reason for studying at Yamaku.

Also, Akira, huh? Good luck trying not to get this guy mixed up with a certain Satou in people's heads.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:59 am
by Mirage_GSM
I see a group of five students made up of two girls and two guys.
Wait... 2+2=... I'm interested: What's the fifth? An alien?
I sing and I can code.
That's an... interesting hobby for a dyslexic... Not the singing of course.
And is your Akira a boy or a girl? So far it's hard to tell. My gut feeling was "girl" until I read Kyler's post.
Oh, and I'm no expert, but I think "一―二" should be hard to misread even for a dyslexic ;-)

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 4:28 am
by Kyler Thatch
Mirage_GSM wrote:And is your Akira a boy or a girl? So far it's hard to tell. My gut feeling was "girl" until I read Kyler's post.
Actually... that might have just been an assumption on my part. I'm used to thinking of Akira as a boy's name by default. But going back to the text, I can't find any proof to point either way.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 8:18 am
by UltimateShammer
Mirage_GSM wrote:
I see a group of five students made up of two girls and two guys.
Wait... 2+2=... I'm interested: What's the fifth? An alien?
I sing and I can code.
That's an... interesting hobby for a dyslexic... Not the singing of course.
And is your Akira a boy or a girl? So far it's hard to tell. My gut feeling was "girl" until I read Kyler's post.
Oh, and I'm no expert, but I think "一―二" should be hard to misread even for a dyslexic ;-)
Thanks for catching that error! Yeah, coding would be difficult for a dyslexic person to do, but I don't think it would be impossible. If it seems too far fetched though, I'll change it.

Akira is a guy, yes. And _-_ I'd easier to read, but it still happens.
Also, Akira, huh? Good luck trying not to get this guy mixed up with a certain Satou in people's heads.
Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to make sure the distinction is there. Besides the obvious ones, like gender, age, name, etc.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 2:48 am
by Leaty
UltimateShammer wrote:Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to make sure the distinction is there. Besides the obvious ones, like gender, age, name, etc.
Or you could... just not name that character Akira.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:10 am
by Steinherz
Leaty wrote:
UltimateShammer wrote:Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to make sure the distinction is there. Besides the obvious ones, like gender, age, name, etc.
Or you could... just not name that character Akira.
Despite the fact that in Japan the name Akira is about as common as the name "John" or something. If anything there are likely a couple Akira's at Yamaku that we don't know about :lol:

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:18 am
by Kyler Thatch
The One Steve Limit exists not because of any connection to the real world, but for the benefit of the reader. It's slightly less of a problem in this case if Akira Satou won't be in the story at all, but there's still the potential for confusion when someone has to pause to recall which Akira they're reading about. And that pause is detrimental if you want to maintain immersion in the story.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 4:25 am
by Leaty
Steinherz wrote:Despite the fact that in Japan the name Akira is about as common as the name "John" or something. If anything there are likely a couple Akira's at Yamaku that we don't know about :lol:
When somebody gives an OC the name of an extremely notable character from the work from which the fanfiction derives, it really makes me suspect that the author is willing to bury any kind of connection to the source material under whatever weird esoteric agenda they're trying to accomplish with their writing.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:03 am
by UltimateShammer
Sooooo what you're saying is to rename the character? Okay, I'm fine with that.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:19 am
by Leaty
Whoa, a new author that actually takes my comments to heart? Christmas came early!

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:49 am
by UltimateShammer
Leaty wrote:Whoa, a new author that actually takes my comments to heart? Christmas came early!
Of course I take them to heart. You're a good author, I'm not, so if have to be Hisao level stupid to ignore advice from really any author on here.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:28 am
by bhtooefr
UltimateShammer wrote:Diachi tilts his head before asking, “What’s up Akira? Did you forget something?”
You forgot something. ;)

Also, try to be consistent in how you order names. I don't personally have a preference, but pick one and use it. Remember that everyone in your story is thinking in Japanese, so they're all thinking family name first. If you switch to given name first, do it everywhere.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:00 am
by UltimateShammer
bhtooefr wrote:
UltimateShammer wrote:Diachi tilts his head before asking, “What’s up Akira? Did you forget something?”
You forgot something. ;)
Wait, what'd I forget?
bhtooefr wrote:Also, try to be consistent in how you order names. I don't personally have a preference, but pick one and use it. Remember that everyone in your story is thinking in Japanese, so they're all thinking family name first. If you switch to given name first, do it everywhere.
Okay, I'll make sure to change that when I get home today.

Re: Word Association (OC) [Ch1 Dec 4, 2013]

Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:06 am
by bhtooefr
You changed your character's name, but missed it there.