Katawa Shoujo Forums

So, I played Katawa Shoujo a few months back, and felt kinda drawn to it. I lingered on the forums a bit, read some of the fanfictions, and then finally decided to make one of my own.

First thing to say: I'm not a writer and I never ever did this before, so don't expect anything phenomenal out of me. I'm not even sure If I will finish it, but we shall see. As far as concept goes, I don't even have a clue on how to handle things, wich characters to Include and so on. Basic idea is this: Around the time Hisao gets transferred to Yamaku, There is a certain OC or self insert of mine transferred aswell (shame on me) , in the same class. I won't touch Hisao's story and the story of any girls that he can chose to befriend and romance (they might make a slight cameo but nothing more) , but instead i will include some less known but still loved characters such as Miki, Suzu, Naomi, Natsume, maybe more. Kenji too. Lets not forget that fellow.

As I'm no writer, I don't hold any pride in it whatsoever and will accept pretty much any constructive criticism, or praise, if I'm lucky enough (lolnope)

Here is the Prologue and I hope you fellows out there like it:

Prologue : A Rude Awakening





Opening your eyes to wake up in the morning can be tough. For some people more than others.

I, Kazuo Arai, am one of those people. And this is probably one of the worst waking up experiences I've ever had. Firstly, this is not my own bed. Seriously, how do they make these hospital beds anyway? Someone, somewhere, must have experimented a long time before perfecting the most uncomfortable hospital bed possible, with the sole purpose of it being so uncomfortable that you physically WANT to get better so you can leave the god-damn thing already. A bloody genius, I'd haphazardly guess at.


I get up to a sitting position and stretch my back, hearing several loud cracks coming out of my spine. For a second it hurts, but then instantly, I feel a lot more relieved and enlightened.

I look around the hospital room I'm in. It's maddeningly bland and neutral, the walls in a boring beige color, furniture scattered around as efficiently as possible, and a window to my right.

There is zero personalization in this room apart from the curtains that cover the windows, which have a pattern of randomly sized squares in all different colors on a white background.

Something about this curtain is awfully off... I feel like the one person that placed it there did it with some sort of malicious intent, just so he could piss off every future patient that has the fortune of residing in this damned room for extended period of time.


That curtain was the first thing I saw after they removed the bandages around my eyes, and my first thought was that I should have stayed blind. Oh, This is the second reason I'm so groggy.

Two weeks ago I was assaulted with acid, which was thrown directly at my face by a masked man, probably a psychopath,
as I was going home from school. The doctors told me I was lucky I dodged most of it, because if I didn't they probably couldn't give me my vision back.

Glancing at the curtain, I'm not sure if that was good or bad luck.

All in all, with few procedures and therapies, the doctors did their best to reconstruct my face, but the acid did a horrible number to it. Looking at the mirror on the wall, I grimace at my new looks.

The skin around my eyes and the upper part of my nose is scarred, probably forever. Even the surgeries couldn't fix my face.

Most annoying of all is that I had to end one of my most beloved hobbies. I used to train Karate, but they told me repeated hits to the head is the last thing my eyes need now, so I should cut it for the time being. This really infuriates me, having my favorite pastime torn away just like that.


Speaking about infuriating things, they removed my bandages three days ago... and guess what I saw first? Was it the concerned faces of my parents, worried over my vision?

Hahahahaha.

No.

It was the Doctor and this goddamn window ornament. Ah, no use in getting angry about my parents, they are busy people after all... these curtains though...

Clearing my head, I stand up, push the offending curtain aside and open the window, letting some much needed sunlight and fresh air inside. Sitting back on my bed, I notice someone has left a breakfast there. Not the usual hospital crap too. Its a plate of tamagoyaki and I'm pretty sure it's from my mother.

She might be a busy woman but she did go out of her way to bring me this salvation before going to work. I smile. I look at the chopsticks next to it and hesitate for a second, looking around. I stand up again, draw the curtains back so there is no more sunlight coming in, and sit back. Taking my personal bag, I procure a fork out of it. As a mature Japanese man, I know if I get caught eating with a fork I might get lynched or publicly hanged for this, but I don't care at this point.

Living the thug life, I guess.

Finishing the meal, I notice a note under the plate, placed so secretly that I wonder if it's trying to somehow not be there. I unfold it and start reading the hastily written letter:



"Dear Kazuo,

I hope the breakfast was tasty, and I'm sorry I couldn't stay more, but I had work to attend to.
I was hoping that you'd be awake by the time I arrived, but you weren't, so I had to write this. There is one thing I would like to tell you.
Your father and I talked a lot about this, and honestly, after the accident we don't feel It's safe for you to attend your current school anymore.
This is why we are transferring you to Yamaku Academy: Its close to a town not far from here, and you can live In the dorms there. Everything is already arranged, so don't try to protest. We are doing this for your safety. We can talk more about it later.

Love, Mother."


...


...

Wait, what??? I read the letter again. Then again. And again. What? A new school? Transferred? Dorms? Suddenly my gut tells me that this tamagoyaki was not an act out of kindness, but a means to soften the blow. I kind of feel betrayed. But, considering my parents, this is a pretty smart move by them.

Getting me out of the house and into the world, on my own, they probably thought this through very carefully. They were always serious about what I want to do after finishing high school, unlike me, and they probably thought that this will make me get used to life without them.

Still, transferring me from one school to another just like that? Not that I care about my old school all that much, my interactions with all the people there were minimal, because I thought most of them are annoying, but really now?

Hmmm...I'm all for new places and experiences, but I don't really like how I'm forced into this.

I sigh, giving up. Arguing with my parents is pretty pointless, knowing them. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and take it like a man...

I like the premise, but the grammar and spelling can be a bit much at points. If you'd like, I can edit it for you. Like I said, not bad, 'specially for a first attempt.

Yeah, that's a bit of a problem. As I said, I'm practically going in blind. See, I only have one odd year of english education, and all the others went into Deutch and French. So I'm not that fluent. Maybe that is a good excuse to become better at it.
If you want to edit it and make it more manageable to read I'm totally fine with that. Just one question: How do you do it?

NotSoClassy wrote:Yeah, that's a bit of a problem. As I said, I'm practically going in blind. See, I only have one odd year of english education, and all the others went into Deutch and French. So I'm not that fluent. Maybe that is a good excuse to become better at it.
If you want to edit it and make it more manageable to read I'm totally fine with that. Just one question: How do you do it?

Ahhhh, didn't read that part of it, makes a lot more sense. And by "How do you do it?" do you mean edit it, or read it?
Either way, I have a brain-side auto correct, when I read and notice a mistake, my brain makes quick sense of the error and replaces it in my head to say it as such. It doesn't impair my reading, just slows it. If I were editing it, I'd just correct it where I note it.

I'll PM you an edited version in a bit, shouldn't take too long. I have to do this in my English Classes all the time.
Godspeed.

Well, for a first story this is certainly good. Descriptions and inner monologue work fine.
The biggest problems by far are - as Riakai mentioned - punctuation and spelling, and an editor can help you with that.
If I were you, I'd rethink the choice of boxing as the sport of choice for your character. It's a very exotic sport in Japan and one that parents who are so extremely protective probably wouldn't approve of, even if he could find a club to join (big "IF").

I look at the chopsticks next to it, hesitate for a second, and look around. I stand up again, draw the curtains back so there is no more sunlight coming in, and sit back. Taking my personal bag, I procure a fork out of it. As a mature Japanese man, I know if I get caught eating with a fork I might get lynched or publically hanged for this, but I dont care at this point.

Fun fact: When I was in Japan, I was using chopsticks more than most of my Japanese colleagues.

Thanks. Riakai was oh so kind to edit the first part for me, and I've taken notice of what I did wrong. I'l try more next time, as to not give him (her? don't know) more mundane tasks wich he (she?) dosen't have to do anyway.

As for the Boxing, lets just say that his father is not so mad with Kazuo's safety as his mother (this is where Kazuo gets most of his non-caring attitude from). And that he actually encouraged his son to do it, much to his wife's chagrin. I might elaborate on that in one of the upcoming chapters.

As for the fun fact you presented me with, I have to say i'm shocked.

As for the Boxing, lets just say that his father is not so mad with Kazuo's safety as his mother (this is where Kazuo gets most of his non-caring attitude from). And that he actually encouraged his son to do it, much to his wife's chagrin. I might elaborate on that in one of the upcoming chapters.

Still, consider changing it to Judo, Karate or Kendo... Finding a boxing club at a Japanese highschool would be next to impossible.
I know you openly admitted this was a self-insert, and I guess you do boxing yourself. But even a self-insert doesn't need to copy every detail exactly.

I actially do train Boxing, kickboxing, karate kyokushin, muai thai AND Kendo (with some Iaido in there too) but I do have to say from my experience the karate is ten times as brutal as boxing, the sheer amount of physical strenght and toughness required to take all the hits not only in the torso and head, but in the legs aswell is amazing. Not to the sparring is actually done with less protective equipment than when boxing.

I guess I could actually change it up a bit, since I have options... And I have to admit my knowledge of Japanese culture is near to none, so I do have to be carefull about that as it might hinder the reader's enjoyment out of it.

I'mma he~.
And I'm content with editing all these for you, I need to get some finesse back into my brain, as I'm starting up a Pseudo-Route soon, along with a partner of mine. I'd like to not need an editor on my own pieces

Riakai wrote:I'mma he~.
And I'm content with editing all these for you, I need to get some finesse back into my brain, as I'm starting up a Pseudo-Route soon, along with a partner of mine. I'd like to not need an editor on my own pieces

I'd HIGHLY suggest you reconsider needing an editor on your work. Editors aren't only there to look for spelling and grammar, they're also able to tell you if your characters are behaving in unbelievable fashions, or if your plot is dragging, or if you're writing yourself into a corner. An extra set of eyes will always catch things you miss. And you will miss things.

Riakai wrote:I'mma he~.
And I'm content with editing all these for you, I need to get some finesse back into my brain, as I'm starting up a Pseudo-Route soon, along with a partner of mine. I'd like to not need an editor on my own pieces

Pseudo route, interesting, can you tell for wich character it is or it's a secret? :>

Fair enough, but I usually don't have a formal Editor. I just have a few of my friends interested in my writing read it. They're far from reserved when it comes to opinions.

And it's a secret, I'll PM you it if you reallllly wanna know. Namely decided on it since this char's in game (No sprite) and, from what I've seen, hasn't had a pseudo-route for her yet.

Let me start off first by saying that you are a pretty good writer. I've written a lot of short stories and proofread even more, and I'm still bad, so kudos to you. Second off, I like this character. I personally don't care about the stigma against inserting yourself into a story (if that is indeed what you are doing like you said in the intro), as long as its a good character.

also I have the image of a random guy just splashing acid at a kid's face and I just cannot stop laughing

UltimateShammer wrote:Let me start off first by saying that you are a pretty good writer. I've written a lot of short stories and proofread even more, and I'm still bad, so kudos to you. Second off, I like this character. I personally don't care about the stigma against inserting yourself into a story (if that is indeed what you are doing like you said in the intro), as long as its a good character.

also I have the image of a random guy just splashing acid at a kid's face and I just cannot stop laughing

Well, I dont know if this is really a self-insert or not, he appears to have some of my characteristics. I guess its more fun to write like that for me, because trying to get into the head of someone like Hisao, the master of Awkward and Self-consciousness, would pretty much baffle me and I would portray him in a wrong way.

There you go, annother one, have fun reading! (or not, whichever you chose!)


Chapter 1: Carrier has Arrived-Part 1


As far as bus rides go, this one was pretty peaceful. I even managed to sneak in a quick power-nap before I had to get out of the bus.

Today was a hard day. It does not surprise me, giving that it's a Tuesday. There is something about Tuesdays, everybody says that they hate Mondays, but Tuesdays are a lot worse, at least in my opinion. You just got out of the day you dislike the most, but you are now in some strange place called Tuesday, and the weekend is still as distant as ever. At least on Wednesday you can take some solace in the fact that two days of the week are already passed.

Snapping back to reality, I find myself sitting in front of a huge gate, thinking about pointless crap. I must have looked like a moron, just standing there like that.

Fixing my gaze on that gate, I wonder for a moment why they had to make such a pompous doorway into a school, maybe it makes them feel more accomplished in life, having a fancy gate like that to walk through every day. I step through, feeling no more accomplished than I had felt mere seconds ago.

I look around the school, and I realize that it's actually huge. It's at least two times as bigger as my old school. Damn, this place must have some major sponsors. On top of that, the school is nestled in a mountainous region, a bit away from the town itself. I have to admit it's peaceful, if a bit boring. At least the air is nice around here.

I notice few students walking around, some of them giving me strange looks. I probably deserve them, since instead of the school's uniform, which I still haven't acquired, I am moving around in a black T-shirt and shorts above which end above the knee, which strikes a bright contrast with the white shirts everyone seems to be moving around in. I do also sport a packed rucksack over my shoulder which only goes out to say to everyone in a one mile radius "Hey, in the new guy here, look at me~!"

I dig a key out of my pocket. It was given to me by my parents, and it’s for my dorm room, Room 118. It’s still pretty early, and I do have time to check it out and leave my stuff in there before heading to the main entrance to the school to meet my homeroom teacher, as I was told to do.

Walking towards the dorms, I steal few glances at the other students walking around and talking to each other. There is one of them, a guy walking with a cane. Strange. Then there is this short girl, running around on what appear to be running prosthetics. Because she has no legs. Ok, something in this school is seriously not right. I feel like I should remember something important here...

My brain freezes for a few seconds in a struggle to dig out the correct paperwork and gives it to me.

Ah, yeah. Yamaku Academy, a school for students with special needs. I slap myself mentally, how could I have forgotten? I was told that just a day ago.

Yamaku Academy, basically a school for cripples, hidden on a mountain, away from normal people. I wonder if I should get angry about that, it seems pretty offending. Do I count as a student with special needs? I just have a messed up face, and one of my eyes has to be covered by a bandage for the most part of the day, so it could heal properly. Some of these people don't have arms.

Hm, maybe it's only offending if you choose to get offended by it. I decide against giving a damn about this, and instead focus on finding my room.

First floor, Room Number 18. Key into keyhole, I open the door aaand we are in.
"Oh no, oh no no no fuck no..."

On the other hand, I should DEFINITELY get mad about this...