Are we too kind?
Posted: Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:52 pm
Warning, there are major spoilers in this thread, so be careful. I warned you, so I won't spoiler tag it.
Finally having finished the game, I am looking back on all that has happened. It makes me realize I am not at good at relationships at I thought I was. Thinking through it, I think that in the end, are we to nice? Let me explain separately with each character.
Emi - Emi and Rin are the exceptions to the topic. Emi was my first route, and I think she was what led me to fail on Hanako, Lilly, and Shizune. Her route was mainly focused on the idea that she wanted to push people away that she loved, so they don't get too close to her. In the end, the biggest decision is whether to donwplay it or talk to Misha. If you downplay it, you end up giving up on the relationship you and Emi have. I think at this point in the story, Hisao kinda "forgot" that he loved Emi and that as hard as it was to do so, he needed to get close to Emi to really connect. When you talk to Misha, she reminds you that just because something is difficult, doesn't mean you should give up. You end up finally talking to her, and sorting it out. I think the idea here is that sometimes, to be nice, you have to do something that the person may hate, maybe even ruining your relationship, but helping them as a person.
Hanako - Let's get through with this one, because this one is the most obvious. This character is a classic white knight character; by that I mean many white knights are attracted to this character due to her backstory. I find it even funnier, that it tortures the white knights the most. I am no liar, I have white knight inside of me. In fact, I think that's how I approached relationships before I played this game. And I'll quote one of the replies I saw on the forum (Sorry, cannot remember who, but kudos to you anyways <3), Hanako was a heavy dose of reality. If you remember, the last two decisions for Hanako, were to either call it a day, or ask to go to town, and whether you give her space or comfort her. White knights will obviously have an attraction to the first decision of each. However, as you most likely know, by choosing these decisions, you get the bad ending from Hanako. This was the time we hurt someone else, by being too clingy trying to be kind. (Keep in mind I have not gotten Cut Petals yet)
Lily - She was (at least, what I imagined) to be the perfect relationship character. It is the idealistic relationship that we would all want. The nice decisions seemed to work on the best, and it made me feel right inside. I felt this character was natural, and that's what made it amazing. Which explains, when we forget that just because something is natural, it doesn't make it easy or simple. There were also two changing decisions in this, deciding whether to wave her off, or to address the issue. This is the decision I messed up on. I thought the issue was too trivial to bother Lilly with, and I let her continue. The second decision was whether to talk about the letter or not. I think not many people chose wrong, but I may be wrong myself. As you know, Lilly has been invited to return to her family, and she takes it. I kept on hoping that it would turn out okay, but it didn't. This path was one of the situations where your decisions don't change the other person, but they change you. Either way, Lilly still accepts going to Scotland. But it is Hisao's decision whether to chase her or not. By not addressing the issue in the first place, or discussing his past (the letter), Hisao didn't connect or get a chance to have her understand him, and as such, he didn't connect enough to chase her. This was one of the moments where we hurt ourselves for being too nice.
Shizune - Before I start off, she obviously didn't have many decisions, but the decisions you made, were most possibly the most important ones throughout the game. The decision that decides it all, is whether to comfort or refuse Misha. This was my third path, and I knew that if I comforted her, that I would lose. I think many people that played this path knew this, but did it anyways. I did too. On this pathline, I am with the White Knight part of me. As much as Shizune meant to Hisao, I think that just because you had to lose something important, you made the right decision. In the end, Misha never connects the same, but I think she is truly right with herself in the end (I think I am going to invoke rage here). As much as being nice here was the right thing to do, it shows us that being nice, and maybe even doing the right thing, doesn't come without consequences.
Rin - I just finished this now, so I think my emotions are going to get in the way. These paths were a tangle, so I can't give you a cut and dry which path is right or wrong (Even with a flowchart right next to me o.o). This was one of the routes that you had to put your emotions aside for. If you want to be on equal terms with Rin about your relationship, then you end up choosing choices like "Then Explain" and "But aren't you happy with people taking interest in your paintings?". Obviously Then Explain (And I haven't played either routes yet, so some leeway here please) forces her to try to say what she can't. In the end, if you are so focused with understanding her, then you abandon her. The other choice, ignores her feelings. This decision shows you are worried about her as an artist, which she isn't comfortable with. I think this makes her feel as if you are trying to understand her art, when she doesn't understand herself. The other decision, asking her if she found someone, leads her to think about what she wants to do, instead of asking who she is. In the end, I think that 4LS is trying to show us here that understanding someone isn't always necessary for you to be happy. And in the end, by letting her figure out herself who she is, you come to an understanding that it isn't about who she is, it's about doing what you want, or "need" to do, even if you don't know yourself along the way.
Throughout all of these plotlines, I think they connect to create one moral, that I'll explain here. In most games, you want to be the classic white knight that helps them out in the end. But this game wants to show reality as it is. By trying to be that kind of guy, that most people take heart to nowadays, it can push the people away farther than you ever thought. Sometimes, people do need space to right themselves. You can't do everything for someone and expect them to be okay. They are people too, and need to find themselves, by themselves. This doesn't mean being supportive. Supporting someone means not necessarily understanding them, in fact, it may be the opposite. It is acknowledging that you don't know them, or what they are going through, but no matter what, you are there for them. It seems contradictory to my previous statement, but you don't have to go to someone to be supportive, I think the best way is when they go to you, when they really acknowledge they can't do this themselves, and need someone. Sometimes, they may not even know they need someone else, and that may be the time to be persistent (God it's hard to connect this, Hanako and Emi are so different). In the end, you have to decide for yourself, that based where you are in your relationship, whether you have been together for awhile, or you are just falling in love, whether you do either of these. In the end, it's your choice for yourself. In fact, you may lose the relationship you have, but do the right thing nonetheless, even if it hurts the person.
And for the finality to the moral (Sorry for the super long moral, didn't realize it would be so long), these decisions don't only change the other person. In the end, they change you. And your decisions, and how they change you inside, will truly decide whether you are really meant for each other. Because if you don't change inside, it's time to decide whether what you have is real.
Simplified moral (I don't blame you if you rather read, quite a bit up there): Sometimes the best decision is to stand back, and push harder when it matters, but let the person develop for themselves. Because the old moral is true when you think about it.
Nice guys finish last.
Finally having finished the game, I am looking back on all that has happened. It makes me realize I am not at good at relationships at I thought I was. Thinking through it, I think that in the end, are we to nice? Let me explain separately with each character.
Emi - Emi and Rin are the exceptions to the topic. Emi was my first route, and I think she was what led me to fail on Hanako, Lilly, and Shizune. Her route was mainly focused on the idea that she wanted to push people away that she loved, so they don't get too close to her. In the end, the biggest decision is whether to donwplay it or talk to Misha. If you downplay it, you end up giving up on the relationship you and Emi have. I think at this point in the story, Hisao kinda "forgot" that he loved Emi and that as hard as it was to do so, he needed to get close to Emi to really connect. When you talk to Misha, she reminds you that just because something is difficult, doesn't mean you should give up. You end up finally talking to her, and sorting it out. I think the idea here is that sometimes, to be nice, you have to do something that the person may hate, maybe even ruining your relationship, but helping them as a person.
Hanako - Let's get through with this one, because this one is the most obvious. This character is a classic white knight character; by that I mean many white knights are attracted to this character due to her backstory. I find it even funnier, that it tortures the white knights the most. I am no liar, I have white knight inside of me. In fact, I think that's how I approached relationships before I played this game. And I'll quote one of the replies I saw on the forum (Sorry, cannot remember who, but kudos to you anyways <3), Hanako was a heavy dose of reality. If you remember, the last two decisions for Hanako, were to either call it a day, or ask to go to town, and whether you give her space or comfort her. White knights will obviously have an attraction to the first decision of each. However, as you most likely know, by choosing these decisions, you get the bad ending from Hanako. This was the time we hurt someone else, by being too clingy trying to be kind. (Keep in mind I have not gotten Cut Petals yet)
Lily - She was (at least, what I imagined) to be the perfect relationship character. It is the idealistic relationship that we would all want. The nice decisions seemed to work on the best, and it made me feel right inside. I felt this character was natural, and that's what made it amazing. Which explains, when we forget that just because something is natural, it doesn't make it easy or simple. There were also two changing decisions in this, deciding whether to wave her off, or to address the issue. This is the decision I messed up on. I thought the issue was too trivial to bother Lilly with, and I let her continue. The second decision was whether to talk about the letter or not. I think not many people chose wrong, but I may be wrong myself. As you know, Lilly has been invited to return to her family, and she takes it. I kept on hoping that it would turn out okay, but it didn't. This path was one of the situations where your decisions don't change the other person, but they change you. Either way, Lilly still accepts going to Scotland. But it is Hisao's decision whether to chase her or not. By not addressing the issue in the first place, or discussing his past (the letter), Hisao didn't connect or get a chance to have her understand him, and as such, he didn't connect enough to chase her. This was one of the moments where we hurt ourselves for being too nice.
Shizune - Before I start off, she obviously didn't have many decisions, but the decisions you made, were most possibly the most important ones throughout the game. The decision that decides it all, is whether to comfort or refuse Misha. This was my third path, and I knew that if I comforted her, that I would lose. I think many people that played this path knew this, but did it anyways. I did too. On this pathline, I am with the White Knight part of me. As much as Shizune meant to Hisao, I think that just because you had to lose something important, you made the right decision. In the end, Misha never connects the same, but I think she is truly right with herself in the end (I think I am going to invoke rage here). As much as being nice here was the right thing to do, it shows us that being nice, and maybe even doing the right thing, doesn't come without consequences.
Rin - I just finished this now, so I think my emotions are going to get in the way. These paths were a tangle, so I can't give you a cut and dry which path is right or wrong (Even with a flowchart right next to me o.o). This was one of the routes that you had to put your emotions aside for. If you want to be on equal terms with Rin about your relationship, then you end up choosing choices like "Then Explain" and "But aren't you happy with people taking interest in your paintings?". Obviously Then Explain (And I haven't played either routes yet, so some leeway here please) forces her to try to say what she can't. In the end, if you are so focused with understanding her, then you abandon her. The other choice, ignores her feelings. This decision shows you are worried about her as an artist, which she isn't comfortable with. I think this makes her feel as if you are trying to understand her art, when she doesn't understand herself. The other decision, asking her if she found someone, leads her to think about what she wants to do, instead of asking who she is. In the end, I think that 4LS is trying to show us here that understanding someone isn't always necessary for you to be happy. And in the end, by letting her figure out herself who she is, you come to an understanding that it isn't about who she is, it's about doing what you want, or "need" to do, even if you don't know yourself along the way.
Throughout all of these plotlines, I think they connect to create one moral, that I'll explain here. In most games, you want to be the classic white knight that helps them out in the end. But this game wants to show reality as it is. By trying to be that kind of guy, that most people take heart to nowadays, it can push the people away farther than you ever thought. Sometimes, people do need space to right themselves. You can't do everything for someone and expect them to be okay. They are people too, and need to find themselves, by themselves. This doesn't mean being supportive. Supporting someone means not necessarily understanding them, in fact, it may be the opposite. It is acknowledging that you don't know them, or what they are going through, but no matter what, you are there for them. It seems contradictory to my previous statement, but you don't have to go to someone to be supportive, I think the best way is when they go to you, when they really acknowledge they can't do this themselves, and need someone. Sometimes, they may not even know they need someone else, and that may be the time to be persistent (God it's hard to connect this, Hanako and Emi are so different). In the end, you have to decide for yourself, that based where you are in your relationship, whether you have been together for awhile, or you are just falling in love, whether you do either of these. In the end, it's your choice for yourself. In fact, you may lose the relationship you have, but do the right thing nonetheless, even if it hurts the person.
And for the finality to the moral (Sorry for the super long moral, didn't realize it would be so long), these decisions don't only change the other person. In the end, they change you. And your decisions, and how they change you inside, will truly decide whether you are really meant for each other. Because if you don't change inside, it's time to decide whether what you have is real.
Simplified moral (I don't blame you if you rather read, quite a bit up there): Sometimes the best decision is to stand back, and push harder when it matters, but let the person develop for themselves. Because the old moral is true when you think about it.
Nice guys finish last.