Katawa Shoujo Forums

This is my first fan fiction for Katawa Shoujo, please leave some criticism so I can be a better writer, hope you enjoy. Will update when I can. Sorry for all the errors, went through it a few times, but I'm not the best at editing :/.

Katawa Shoujo Yuto's Tale

This is a fan-fiction of my Original Character Yuto Musashi. He comes to Yamaku Academy due to an accident that happened during summer vacation of the year previous to the main plot. This is his story, his tale of hardship, love, and understanding. This story will be split up into Acts, mostly depending on the typical terms or semesters of Japanese schools. It was originally going to be the same as the game's school year, but since its in Japan i figured lets do it their way. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment or send me PM. Enjoy!

Act 1:Prologue


“Come on Yuto, please~. The stuffed dog is so cute~!” Yuna begged, putting her twelve year old charm to the test. Her green eyes turning into sad puppy eyes. A particularly useful tactic, one of my weaknesses. It cuts straight to the core, past my manly exterior.

“Grandpa would buy me it.”she pouted.

“I'm not your grandfather, I'm your brother.” I laugh.

“Please~.”

I let out a long sigh and give in to her demands. I stuff my hand into my pocket and pull out my wallet. I open it and take out a somewhat crumpled ¥ 1000 note. It's new, well to me anyway. Given to me for fun in the City. Well this is fun, fun for her.


I hand the note over reluctantly to the disgruntled man behind the counter. He takes it and holds it in his hand, as if checking its authenticity.

“I'll take the light blue dog, please.” I say pointing to a stuffed creature sitting on the third row.

He gives a nod and grabs the dog from the shelf, handing it to Yuna, with a blank unexpressed face. She grins and tightly hugs the bear to her chest, like its going to jump down and run away. That would be quite the sight mind you, but alas nothing so exciting. The shop keep deposits a few coins into my awaiting hand, and waves as we make our way back outside.

I push open the door, and am rewarded with the jingle of a bell, as the glass door opens. It is warm and inviting, like the water at the summer beach. We step out into the warm summer day, covering our eyes from the blinding light.. Continuing our adventure for fun in the grand city of Kyoto.

It was a nice afternoon; warm and sunny, not a cloud in sight. It was as if the world was telling us to enjoy the day. Perfect conditions for fun in the sun, no pun intended. It was far better spent outside, wandering around the streets and perusing the various shops that littered the city, as opposed to sitting around at home in the study or watching television.

I look around at the busy streets and bustling cars. The city almost has a life of its own, one that it's dying to share with everyone. At my side was Yuna, still grinning and hugging her stuffed dog.

Its good to see her smiling again. She doesn't do that enough, her smile brightens the day. I'm not the only one who thinks so either, Grandpa and Grandma nicknamed her “Sunshine”, because “Whenever she smiles it brings the sunshine to their day.” Corny, but it fits her I think.

I smile and stick out my hand and ruffle her brown hair. She rewards me by sticking her tongue out. I laughed and drop my hand giving her a grin, before I return to my thoughts.

I cant remember the last time I was goofing off. I've always been busy helping around the house or studying for class. Its good to be “free” again. The only question is “where to next?”

As if sensing my thoughts, Yuna tugs on my sleeve, getting my attention. She poses a good question.

“Can we get some Ice-Cream?”

“First a stuffed dog, now Ice-cream. How old are you, six?” I tease, laughing at her expense. The truth is your never too old for ice-cream.

She sticks out her tongue again and gives me a playful bunt on the shoulder and a short giggle.

“You're just so old, you don't like fun.”

“Oh, I see how it is. I'm not much older than you, maybe you'll be old and bitter like I am in a few years.”

We both laugh before continuing our conversation.

“Sure, there's one across the street.” I reply pointing to the other side of the busy road. There is a metal Ice Cream vendor, handing out cones covered with the different colors that are all too popular when it comes to this frozen treat.

She grins revealing her white teeth and starts skipping towards the stand, her dog hanging from her hand, not a care in the world.

“Don't run into traffic! Wait up!” I yell barely audible over the honking cars and talkative crowd.

She pays me no heed and continues skipping towards the road absentmindedly.

She never listens.

I shake my head and break into a brisk jog, doing my best to catch up with the boundless ball of energy inhabiting my sister's body. Dodging cars and bikes in the busy street.

“Yuna!” I call again, but this time from behind her. She turns around and gives me a childish wink and a jubilant smile.

Ding,Ding,Honk.

I hear the sound of a loud bell and two short rings from a bell. Yuna turns her head and her face contorts into fear, and her body goes stiff. She freezes like a deer in headlights.

I turn and watch as a street car is barrelling towards us at full speed, horn and bell ringing. A scream pierces the air as a woman stares at the coming incident.

My body springs into action, throwing myself forward at Yuna, trying to shield her from danger. I push her with all my strength sending her flying away from danger and onto the safe sidewalk.

I feel as if time slowed down, as I stare into Yuna's crying eyes. Fear fills my body as I feel death grab me in its grip. The street car hits me, I feel pain roar throughout my body. I slipped into the coming darkness.

Well, let's get some of the editing out of the way. There are several instances of its instead of it's. Remember one is a contraction and the other is a possessive pronoun. There where several instances of this.

YutoTheOrc wrote: as opposed to city at home

Do you mean "sitting"?

YutoTheOrc wrote: on that its dying to share with everyone

I think you're looking for "one"

YutoTheOrc wrote:I laughed and dropped my hand giving her a grin

Just 'drop'. You are writing from the first person in present tense. Try not to let past tense creep in.

YutoTheOrc wrote:I slid into the darkness.

Slid is past tense. Slip or slide, I would wager in this case.

YutoTheOrc wrote:I cant remember the last time I was goofing off.

Can't.

YutoTheOrc wrote:“Your just so old, you don't like fun.”

you're

I'm sure I missed some things, but I tried to grab the most glaring.

As far as the content is concerned, I like it. Not a whole lot to go on yet, but that isn't always a bad thing. Also, feel free to leave some info out of your intro. We don't need to know who you will be pairing with your OC. Personally, I don't want to know. Part of the thrill of reading and all that. I would say just nix that little bit out all together, but it's your story, and thus, your call. Maybe at the very least some spoiler tags? Don't know. Personal preference, I guess.

Anyway, looking forward to seeing how this goes.

YutoTheOrc wrote:Fic character name same as forum username

This smacks of author self-insert. Bad idea. Giving a character the same name as one's persona runs a risk of getting too attached to the character, to the detriment of the writing.

YutoTheOrc wrote:Synopsis

Needlessly spoils some details which would have better been left as surprises.

YutoTheOrc wrote:Grammar, spelling and style

Not very good, no two ways about it. You need to exercise and improve.

Acik wrote:Just 'drop'. You are writing from the first person in present tense. Try not to let past tense creep in.

Your advice is correct, but it needs to refer to both verbs in the sentence.

Thank you both, I did some editing according to your feedback, I hope I didn't miss anything, thanks for your feedback!

Silentcook wrote:

YutoTheOrc wrote:Fic character name same as forum username

This smacks of author self-insert. Bad idea. Giving a character the same name as one's persona runs a risk of getting too attached to the character, to the detriment of the writing.

Looking back on it I agree, i was kinda just looking for a quick easy name to remember, if I can I will attempt to change it. Thanks for the feedback, also I love your signature

Acik wrote:As far as the content is concerned, I like it. Not a whole lot to go on yet, but that isn't always a bad thing.

I'm glad that you liked it, I'm having fun writing it, as for the grammar and stuff I re-edited the post, hopefully I fixed most of the stuff before I post the next bit.

Scene 2:The Rising Sun


My eyes shoot open and I spring forward in my bed, sending my covers tumbling off me and towards the floor. My body was dripping with sweat, and shaking with fear. My heart thundered within my chest like an angry dog at its cage. Short rapid breathes, desperately trying to get a hold of my thoughts in the dark of night.

My limbs ached with pain, like being dipped in cold ice and beaten with a bat. I raise up a hand and run it through my damp hair, in an effort to calm myself.

“Just a dream.” I sigh.

I touch my face and feel wet tears mingling with sweat. It was a common nightmare, It popped up from time to time, sometimes a couple nights in a month sometimes weeks at a time. I dreaded those weeks, every time I would close my eyes I saw that memory as clear as day. Burned into my mind like ink on a page.

I bring my legs up to my chest and gently rock back and forth on my mattress in an effort to soothe my mind. My right hand and legs ache with the pain of memory. I swallow, and feel it get stuck in my draw throat.

I rock back and forth in the dark room, silently hoping for my heart to stop running the marathon it is and return back to normal.

I take a long deep breathe of stale air that fills my room, and let it out in an exasperated sigh.


I let go of my knees and my eyes wander through the black looking for the blazon red numbers of my clock.

5:AM

Still very early, even the birds aren't awake at this hour. I somehow doubt I can be lulled back into sleep, even if I wanted to. I need something to take my mind far away from my memories. I throw my legs over the bed and dangle them above the ground before hopping down onto a pillow. I crawl towards my nightstand and turn it on, illuminating the room with a warm, orange glow.

Its blinding at first, but my eyes adjust and adapt the glow from the lamp to reveal my small room.

A fairly large stack of neatly folded clothes stood on the ground close to the door. I dig through them destroying their folded elegance until I came upon some clothes. Some boxers, running shorts and a black T-shirt.

Throwing them on with little care, and struggling tying a knot at the waist with my hand, I gaze around for my running legs.

After finding them concealed in a pile of dirty laundry I put them on and tighten them. I throw myself down from a chair and stand on my legs. Wobbling around at first on the kangaroo stilts, I get my balance. Jumping from one leg to the other, testing for any uncomfort. I make my way towards the door.

I turn around and gaze back with a crooked face.

I should probably clean up, it was never this much of a mess before. Oh well, I'm over it. With that I creep through the halls and heading for the bathroom. Slipping through and turning on the light I rummage through my drawer looking for a contacts case.

Taking them out I stare at the foreign face staring back at me. Dark bags hang below my eyes, and my blue eye is bloodshot and tired.No doubt from sleepless nights. I stare at my blind eye, with irritation.

Ever since the incident, I've always been self-conscious of it. Rightly so, with it grey and dead in appearance. I've found people staring at it curiously, until I found a way to hide it up. It was a sickly feeling, having people stare at you. I shudder and open my contact case and pop in the colored lens, hiding my eye.

I wish everything was this easy to hide, but its a lot harder to hid prosthetic legs and missing a hand. I manage, but I'm sure I still draw a few gazes from passerby's.

I sigh and leave the room.

I quietly slip out of the house like a ninja, a legless, handless, ninja. I walk up the drive way and stretch my arms as I head for the road.

The air is cool and crisp, morning spring air really is the best. Not too cold and not too hot, it really is my favorite season. A time when everything springs to life around you, it really is marvelous.

I bring myself to a good solid jog, slow deep breathes, followed by pounding of plastic on cold asphalt.

Pitter, patter. The sound my legs make is the only thing to be heard this morning. Fresh air trails down my throat and fills my lungs. I follow the trail of sleepy street lights down the open road.

I always think best during my morning jogs. Yuna calls me a freak of nature for getting up at some ungodly hour, but I feel sick and gross if I sleep in, just the way I am. I should drag her down here and take her for a run, maybe then she will see the light that is “the morning jog”.


Well school starts tomorrow. Wonder how this Yamaku is? Its built for people like me.

People like me. Bitter words.

I pick up the pace, grinding my teeth together.

A school built for disabled kids. Its probably no more than a prison, meant to keep freaks like us out of public view.

Damn Street car.

Picking up the pace, doing my best to burn away the anger that's starting to fill my body.

“It'll give you access to some of the best doctors in Japan!” A real selling point, I had no idea I was signing up for a nursing home. What a joke, If I wanted a doctor I would go back to the hospital not a school.

What can a doctor do anyway? Grow my legs back? Give me my hand back? Give me my vision again? Or better yet take away the nightmares and phantom pains?Doubts. Its like getting an author to write a book, they can only do so much until the editor takes over. Unfortunately, there is no editor for my errors.


I hate doctors! I hate hospitals! They took my body away from me, they left me a helpless husk of a boy. One who couldn't speak because he was breathing with an iron lung. One who was forced to watch unable to talk only flail his hands and cry. Feeling pain, but being unable to express it.


Baseless words, they did everything they could to help. It just feels good to blame someone other than myself for once. It was my own fault for jumping in front of that damn street car to save Yuna. Regardless, it makes me feel better.

And Yuna! She looks at me with pity! Pity! I don't need pity, I never needed pity. When I needed her the most, where was she? She refused to visit me at the hospital. Only Grandma and Grandpa visited me, gave me comfort in those long months.

By now I feel painful tears well up in my eyes. Tightly gripping my fists in sadness and pain, I sprinted forward, embracing the burn that filled the bottom of my lungs.

She had to run ahead! Now I'm paying for her stupidity!

I felt the tears stream down my cold face. Dripping down my chin and falling onto the asphalt below.

“Now I'm paying the price.” the words stick in my mind like a hot poker.

I continue running my typical route, doing my best to block out any further thoughts.

The cacophonous sounds of my prosthetics hitting the pavement, the sounds of my heavy breathing, and the drumming of my heart are the only things separating me from my world of idle fantasies, or my mind of depressed and sad thoughts.

The sun slowly slowly rears its head and fills the dark sky with its orange and blue streaks. They remind me of a painting.

Painting, something I can never do again.

I shake the though from my head and finish my run in peace, enjoying the sunrise.

The sounds of birds singing in the chill morning air accompany me on the stretch home. It brings a smile to my face.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe Yamaku won't be so bad.

Very good second chapter. He seems like he is loosely based off Emi, using his running to chase his fears away. That, or I am just reading into it too much. Can't wait to see what's in store next, so keep it up!

Sorry, but the in the first half of this chapter you jump between tenses so much it is all but unreadable. It's like it was written by a different person than the first chapter...

And what exactly is wrong with your OC? Missing two legs, an arm and an eye? Don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick? A person like that will be incredibly hard to write, especially if you don't have any personal experiences with injuries like that.
I'm also not quite sure, how a tram would have to hit you to cause that specific combination of injuries...

Minor point: Trams are not really common in Japan. Didn't see a single one in my time there, but Google confirms they do exist.

Legocam96 wrote:Very good second chapter. He seems like he is loosely based off Emi, using his running to chase his fears away. Can't wait to see what's in store next, so keep it up!

Really appreciate the support, glad you're enjoying it so far as for the running part. You're right, I thought it was a really good way to cope, call me unoriginal but meh.

Mirage_GSM wrote:Sorry, but the in the first half of this chapter you jump between tenses so much it is all but unreadable. It's like it was written by a different person than the first chapter...

Well you're half-right the first bit was written a few weeks prior to the end. When I have time I will go back and try to make it flower better.[/quote]

Mirage_GSM wrote:And what exactly is wrong with your OC? Missing two legs, an arm and an eye? Don't you think you're laying it on a bit thick? A person like that will be incredibly hard to write, especially if you don't have any personal experiences with injuries like that.
I'm also not quite sure, how a tram would have to hit you to cause that specific combination of injuries...

Minor point: Trams are not really common in Japan. Didn't see a single one in my time there, but Google confirms they do exist.

Yes he is missing all of those. A bit thick, maybe, but it just makes it more fun to write, trying to put yourself into the shoes of a character with so many disabilities such as this. As for the Tram, well in my head I always pictured places like Kyoto having them everywhere, more likely a few trams. As for the injuries without getting into morbidly disturbing details, I kinda figured he was thrown into it then drug underneath by gravity and the momentum of the tram. Thank you for the comment, I will do my best to fix the tenses, because I'm finding I am having trouble with tenses lately :/

YutoTheOrc wrote:As for the Tram, well in my head I always pictured places like Kyoto having them everywhere, more likely a few trams.

Kyoto used to have trams up until the 1960s.
Today they have two subway lines and a very convenient network of busses - easy to use and also cheap.

I will do my best to fix the tenses, because I'm finding I am having trouble with tenses lately :/

Well, it seems you are able to do it right when you put your mind to it...

This premise reminds me greatly of a rather subpar fic I read some time ago where the OC was also missing several limbs and an eye, though this one was also partially deaf and burned as the result of a petrol station explosion. I'm not going to pass judgment on this one just yet, but please try to keep in mind the suspension of disbelief of your readers; the more horrible things you dump on someone, the less likely we are to believe he survived it unless we see the survival itself. Furthermore, I'd do a lot of research regarding Japanese culture before you go "imagining" things in and around places. Don't "imagine" that it is that way - go and find out for sure.

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:This premise reminds me greatly of a rather subpar fic I read some time ago ..., but please try to keep in mind the suspension of disbelief of your readers; the more horrible things you dump on someone, the less likely we are to believe he survived it unless we see the survival itself. Furthermore, I'd do a lot of research regarding Japanese culture before you go "imagining" things in and around places. Don't "imagine" that it is that way - go and find out for sure.

I will do my best to make this more than subpar, I'm really enjoying writing it and I have some great ideas for the future that I hope people will like. It may seem unrealistic for that many problems caused by an accident, but as for showing the survival itself, well all I can say is stay tuned. I am currently researching Japan (Thank you for your suggestion) I have a few ideas for holidays and certain customs that will be included. Thank you for the comment, I really appreciate replies to this story, it helps me become a better writer, and therefore make this story a better one.

Scene 3: On The Road Again





The sound of the car cuts through my mind as I gaze out the window at the rolling countryside.The rural area rolls by the window, trees flash by the window accompanied by wooden fences. The country-it must be such a quaint life. The sounds of the city are far from here, thick concrete streets don't corrupt its surface, skyscrapers don't block the sky, and clouds roll by-not a care in the world.

I let out a sigh and shift around in my seat, turning away from the window to stare down at my lap.

First day at a new school, I'm not sure whether to be bitter or excited-maybe both.

Classes won't start until tomorrow, so I might as well check out the grounds. I heard they had a track, that will be a nice change from running along the road.

“You ready?” a voice says breaking me from my trance.

I turn my head and stare up at Grandpa casually driving the car down the rural road.

“Can you ever be ready for something like this?” I shrug, turning back towards the idyllic landscape.

“You'll do fine, It'll feel good to be back in the swing of things, you'll see.”

I mumble a reply and stare back down at my lap. My pants cover my prosthetics, almost giving me the appearance of a normal school kid. If I only If only they were all this hard to hide. Keep my legs hidden, stump in pocket, and wear my contact. Most importantly -stay out of trouble.

Keep my nose to the ground, and avoid notice. Seems like a good plan.

The beautiful green landscape slowly fades to a small town in the middle of nowhere. It's a lot smaller than I'm used to, I think I even saw a gas station where somebody pumps the gas for you. It's so much different than the city, almost like an alien planet-without the aliens.

The sound of dirt and pebbles give way to pavement. Guess even towns like this prefer pavement over dirt roads. Can't say I disagree.

The car slowly rolls to a stop in front of a large imposing gate. I thow open the door and step out into the warm spring sun, allowing the fullness of my situation to hit me.

The gate towers over me in an imposing manner. Serving as a symbol of Isolation as it does for functionality. To separate the world of Yamaku from the world of Japan. “To give people like us a chance”. That's what the brochures said anyway.

Maybe I'm being too cynical about this. After all no Grandparents to nag me, only teachers. Just got to watch where I step don't want to get in trouble for a prank again.

My mind races back to old school, and the shenanigans my friends and I would get in.

Friends.

What friends, where were they when I was in the hospital. Great friends.

The sound of the trunk slamming causes me to jump a little and spin around to face Grandpa. He's unloading my luggage a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips, the fire giving way to a wispy smoke trail. A grin spread across his face. For an old guy, he sure has a lot of life to him. I wonder If I will be as sprightly when I'm his age.

“You know you could help me.” he laughs, flicking an ash off his cigarette and onto the road.

I rush over to help him only to be waved away with a chuckle. I shrug and slightly frown.

“Ready to start first term?” he replies putting down the last bit of luggage and taking a long drag on his cigarette.

I grunt and give a solemn nod.

I gaze over at my luggage on the road, two suitcases and one backpack.

“Give us a call anytime, and don't forget to visit. You know how your Grandmother worries.” He stresses with a point of his fingers aimed for my heart. Almost like a gun, slightly disturbing.

“I will.”

“Cheer up, you're going to school not a funeral. At your age I was fighting in a war! I would have loved to go to school, more specifically a private school with rooms!” he replied with a grin.

“Yes, sir!” I mockingly say limply raising my hand to my forehead in a sloppy salute.

He chuckles then continues his words of wisdom “Every other week we'll give you an allowance to live on. Don't waste it on booze or clubs.” he chuckles flicking away his cigarette and stepping onto it.

I pulls his wallet out of his back pants pocket and takes out three 10,000 ¥ notes and hands them to me.

I stare at the notes and my mouth drops, and my eyes widen in shock.

“If you need more give me a call, I'm sure I can work something out.”

I nod my head- eagerly sliding the notes into my pocket. I will have to split this into more manageable sums, but still I can live more than a comfortable life on this.

“Close your mouth lad, you're going to trap flies.” he replies lighting a new cigarette.

“Give me a hug, and go enjoy yourself, you're only young once.”

I step forward and give him a big hug. He smells like smoke and old cheap cologne. He gives me a pat on the back, and lets out a puff of smoke behind me. Then he holds me at arm's length and examines me like, a prized horse.

I shift uncomfortably under his gaze and stay quiet as he looks me up and down. Does he do this with Yuna? Probably not, she doesn't do much, she stays holed up in her room all the time.

“You remind me of myself at your age, all you need is a uniform and you're good to go. You're mother would be proud of you.” he gives me an encouraging smile and lets his hands drop from my shoulders.

“Take care.” I reply.

“I always do” he smiles smugly.

I pick up my luggage and slid on my back pack. They weigh far more than they look. I step back from the car, and watch as he gets in gives a wave and drives back down the hill we came up.

I feel sad- alone maybe? It's an odd feeling, one I've only ever felt once before in my life. I'm sure it will fade, I push the thoughts to the back of my mind. Now to focus on the task at hand.

I turn and face the large gate and take a deep breath of air, and walk through. Ready to start my new life at Yamaku.

...Triple-spacing between lines why, exactly?

Silentcook wrote:...Triple-spacing between lines why, exactly?

Didn't notice this, must have happened between the transfer process between my software, and the email I used to send it to my "proof-reader". Thank you for pointing this out, I fixed it.

causes me to jump a little and spina round to face Grandpa.

One misplaced blank...

I wonder If I will be as spritely when I'm his age.

You mean like a fairy, like a softdrink or like a two-dimensional image?
Or do you mean "sprightly"?

I nod my head and eagerly slid the notes into my pocket

slide - the same mistake once more further down

...your only young once.”

you're

stay holes up in her room all the time.

probably "holed up"

A few more typos and some punctuation issues...