Katawa Shoujo Forums

I've read quite a few of the stories here after first playing through the game last fall but never made an account to post anything. Although I thought about it a few times I felt that I didn't have anything to contribute. I decided to try to write something since I enjoyed reading many of the stories here and saw that the community is fairly supportive. Quick warning though, I haven't written fiction since I was in 8th grade approximately seven years ago. I've been going back over what I wrote here and trying to fix things but at this point I think I should just post it and see what someone else thinks.

Index:
Chapter One - This post
Chapter Two - First Steps
Chapter Three - Routine


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Chapter One - Another Day

The teacher writes something on the chalkboard then erases part of it and writes something else in its place. Ryouta is taking notes so I don't bother to copy what the teacher is writing. Ryouta's notes are always good and he doesn't mind helping me. Maybe he's actually too helpful.

I scribble a few lines onto the open page of my notebook adding to a collection of unfinished doodles. I look around the room having already lost interest in the drawing. Nobody is napping today, according to the clock it's still early so there's still plenty of time for that. Half the class looks lost, the other half, like Ryouta, seem to be keeping up well. I don't know which half I belong in, does it count as being lost if I don't know what class we're in?

I try to refocus my attention on the lecture. It's math. The teacher pauses to write a group of equations on the board and asks us to find a solution. I actually have some idea of how to do this so I start working out the details. Before I can find a solution the teacher calls another student up to the board to write it out. I could have done it if I had more time.

The lecture continues and my concentration starts to become scattered. I drift between paying attention to the lecture and watching the other students.

Time seems to slow down even more or maybe it's my attention span shrinking. I start watching the clock to determine which it is.

It must be my attention span, less than ten seconds pass before I go back to people watching. I think I need to take a break. As usual when I get up to leave the class no one says anything, not even the teacher. Some people watch as I walk out of the room, but nothing more.

I think I'll go to the library, the bean bag chairs there are comfortable. The elevator arrives quickly and I ride it up one floor. When I enter the library I see Yuuko is actually sitting at her desk this time. It shouldn't be unexpected to find the librarian sitting at her desk but in the month I've been here I've seen her just about everywhere in the library except for sitting in that chair.

"Good morning Yuuko."

Yuuko stands and begins to greet me, "Ah. Good morning miss-," she begins to panic as she tries and fails to remember my name.

"Hotaru," I remind her. I don't mind that she doesn't remember my name, we spoken to each other most of the times I've come to the library. It should be more of a surprise that I remember her name than that she doesn't remember mine.

"I'm sorry! Is there anything I can do for you? Can I help you find anything?" Yuuko is too hard on herself.

"It's alright. I don't need anything, I know what I'm looking for," I smile at her and start walking toward where the bean bags are. Yuuko looks disappointed that she can't help. Or maybe it's that I keep coming back without even picking up a book?

The library has a wide selection of books. There's probably some books that I would enjoy reading if reading didn't give me so much trouble. I reach the back of the room and pick out an unoccupied bean bag chair to recline on. It's not surprising to see the other girl who is here, she seems to be here as often as I am. She peeks over the top of her book at me but quickly raises the book to hide her face when she sees me looking back.

I've seen her here a dozen times, maybe? I don't remember exactly. I don't know her name, just that she's a second or third year student here. I haven't seen her entering or leaving any of the first year class rooms and she's at least a few centimeters taller than me. She probably hasn't made a lot of friends even though she's been here a while, she seems less comfortable at this school than me or any of the other first year students and we've only been here a month.

I sit up before speaking, "Hi, I'm Hotaru Nakano. This is my first year at Yamaku. What's your name?"

The girl lowers her book and speaks quietly, "H-Hanako." I notice the scars on the right side of her face again which she has mostly concealed behind her hair. I stared a little too much the first time I saw them. My friends at my previous school all acted weird about my scars when I showed them and I didn't hold it against them. I still try to avoid staring though.

"It's nice to meet you Hanako. Do you read a lot? That looks like a different book than last time, although I could be wrong."

She simply nods in response to my question. After a few moments of silence, "I haven't seen you... with a book at all, but... you're here a lot."

Yeah, coming here just to relax when I get tired of class somehow feels wrong now. "I don't really like to read when I don't have to. It's quiet and relaxing here though," I explain. "What do you like to do other than read?"

"I like to p-play chess," she says.

"Hmm, I don't like chess either." Could I be more of an ass right now? Who asks someone about their hobbies and then responds to the answers by saying they don't like a single one of the same things?

She nods her head again, in acknowledgement this time rather than agreement. She seems nervous, as if she expects me to do or say something horrible. I don't know if she doesn't care or if she is scared to ask me anything about myself, I might not have an answer even if she asked me, but this conversation isn't going to go anywhere I guess.

A few minutes pass in silence and Hanako goes back to reading her book. I lie back down on my bean bag and yawn. I didn't feel this tired when I left class but now that I'm lying down a nap seems like a good idea. I curl up into a better position to sleep and close my eyes.

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I wake up after falling off my bean bag. Looking around I notice Hanako is gone, maybe it's time for lunch. Or could I have slept through the whole day? I don't think I was that tired. Checking the time on my phone I see that I've slept through the rest of the morning classes and it's actually almost the end of the lunch period. There's no way I have time to go get lunch now so I'll just go back to class. I can probably make it through the rest of the day now that I've had a break.

As I walk out of the library I say goodbye to Yuuko. The halls seem quiet for the end of the lunch period.

I get back to class and find all of my things...gone, along with everyone else's. Where is my backpack and where is everyone? Usually at least some people stay in the classroom for lunch, and why is my stuff gone? This feels like it's happened before.

My phone buzzes letting me know I have a message. Flipping my phone open to read the message I see it's from Ryouta, "It's Saturday again."

It takes a moment to register but then I realize I did sleep through the rest of the classes for the day. Someone must have taken my bag back to my room or something. I'll have to find out where it went and maybe find out what I missed in class too.

I message Ryouta back, "Thanks," before I leave the classroom and head out of the building towards the track. Ryouta will know what I missed in class and probably where my bag is. He's usually on top of these things since he stays for the whole class period.

It's a warm day so I slow my walk to a more comfortable pace and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my skin. I don't know have any plans for the rest of the day, I thought classes would be going on for another few hours. Other students seem to have plans to go into town, or the city, or to club, or team meetings like Ryouta but I don't. I don't think I really fit into any of the clubs, I'm not athletic, I'm not creative, and I can't even sit and concentrate long enough to get through a class or read a book.

I run my fingers through my hair and they brush over the scar above my ear. I have a fleeting feeling of envy towards Hanako because of her long hair, some people might think I was a boy if I weren't wearing a skirt. The feeling fades and my previous line of thought returns. Maybe I should make more of an effort to join a club.

The track comes into view ahead of me. Ryouta is next to the track with a stop watch timing a girl I don't recognize as she runs laps. Maybe I should join the track team, I'm already here after all.
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Chapter Two - First Steps
A few students are running on the track, others, including Ryouta, are timing them while they run laps and sprints, and some are practicing for other track and field events. Watching them is suddenly kind of intimidating now that I'm thinking about joining the track team. I wasn't very athletic before my accident, since recovering I haven't done anything much more strenuous than walking.

I stop walking by the side of the track next to Ryouta. "Hey, thanks again for the text. I don't know how long it would have taken me to figure out what was going on without it."

Ryouta turns towards me and says, "Yeah, no problem. I mean, you did the same thing the first week, and you did it again last week." He presses a button on the stopwatch he's holding and calls out a time to the girl passing by on the track. "Maybe you could stay through the entire class period sometime? "

"I try. There's just no point. Besides, you've been helping me keep up with what I miss in class." I watch another girl pass by on the track and Ryouta calls out her time. "So, I was thinking about joining the track team."

"Really? Are you sure?" He doesn't even make an effort to avoid sounding surprised. I don't think it should be that much of a shock.

"What's wrong with me joining the track team? I think I should join some kind of team or club, so why not this one?" I ask.

"You've never mentioned it before, I've never seen you do anything more than walk, you don't even remember what day of the week it is half the time so how will you remember when we have practice or events..." Ryouta continues listing more reasons why he thinks I shouldn't join the team but I stop paying attention, he's starting to irritate me.

I start watching the two girls who ran by before as they come around the track again. It looks like the two of them are actually competing with each other. The girl who passed by second before has caught up to the other girl. They both speed up as they get closer to passing us again. The shorter girl starts to pull ahead again and I notice she doesn't have any legs, or she does but they're prostethic. After they pass us this time they slow down to a walk and continue around the track one more time.

When they come around again they start walking over to where Ryouta and I are standing. I look back to Ryouta and it seems like hasn't stopped talking this whole time. "Hey, Ryouta, the girls you were timing are coming this way."

"What? You weren't even listening to me," he says sounding disappointed. I don't think he listened to what I just said either, he doesn't turn around as the girls get closer.

The taller girl starts yelling, "Ryouta! What were our times for the last lap?" She stops walking and stands behind him with her hand on her hip.

Ryouta turns around then looks down at the stopwatch in his hand. He presses the button again and starts apologizing, "Ah, um, I'm sorry. I was distracted." He looks at me then back to the other girls, "This is my friend Hotaru, she wants to join the track team," he says to change the subject.

"Hmm?" The girl with the prosthetic legs steps around Ryouta, she seems really excited about the idea of having a new team member, she's bouncing in place on her prosthetics. "You can run with me in the mornings before classes start."

"Emi, no one wants to get up that early. That's why no one you've dragged out here with you in the mornings has stuck with it," the taller girl interjects. "You can just come to the regular practices like everyone else," she says addressing me.

"Um, I can try to run with Emi in the mornings. Maybe it'll be good for me," I say, I'm not really sure of the idea myself but it's been almost a year since I've run at all. It's probably not a bad idea to start with less people around to see me if I embarrass myself.

"You really don't have to run with her in the morning, no one else on the team does," the taller girl reiterates.

"Miki, she said she would do it. If you would run with me in the morning maybe you would be able to beat me eventually," Emi sticks out her tongue at the other girl, Miki I guess, who proceeds to punch her lightly on the arm. Emi just pouts at that. "Hotaru, right? What's your room number? I'll come get you in the mornings so we can run together, we'll start Monday!"

"I'm in room 113." Hopefully it won't be too early when she comes to wake me up.

Ryouta was staying quiet, probably to avoid reminding the girls that he forgot to note their final lap times but he speaks up now, "Good luck, Hotaru."

Miki starts walking back towards the dorms after reminding Ryouta not to neglect his job to talk to a girl and collecting her things from beside the track. Emi runs off towards the nurse's office after saying goodbye, leaving Ryouta and me alone.

He and I "discuss" my joining the track team while he gathers things that need to be put away at the end of the team's practice. Once everything is put away he goes back to his dorm and I wait for him to change so we can go get something for lunch since I still haven't eaten.

The rest of the weekend passes quickly. I'm actually kind of excited about having joined the track team and starting to run with Emi even though it was just on a whim. Running before classes means I'll have to get up earlier than I'm used to but it's probably good for me. I haven't had a lot of exercise recently, I should bring it up with Nurse at our appointment next week. I think I can handle it but I don't want to try to do too much.

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Unfortunately it's not an alarm clock waking me up this morning and there's no snooze button to shut off someone banging on my door. The only way this is going to stop is if I actually get up and answer her.

When I open the door Emi is standing in the hall ready to start running already, bouncing lightly on her prosthetics. "Hey, get dressed, it's time for our run!" she says. She's too energetic for how early in the morning it is.

I just close the door and debate going back to sleep. Emi probably wouldn't let me get away with it, Ryouta definitely wouldn't let me get away with quiting before I've even started, and I did say I was ok with this. I toss my pajamas onto the floor and find my gym clothes in my dresser. Once I'm dressed I open the door again and step out into the hallway where Emi is waiting. She glances at my left leg, probably noticing the scars which are visible now, but doesn't say anything.

"Ok, let's go." I just can't feel as excited about this as Emi does. We walk to the track while Emi begins explaining the routine she has planned for new track team members. By the time we reach the track I actually want to just get started running.

As I walk onto the track to start Emi stops me, "We have to stretch first. Flexibility is important, it will help you run faster and you'll be less likely to injure yourself. Just do what I do, ok?" She starts going through her stretching routine and I attempt to imitate her.

I try to bend down to touch my toes but I can't reach that far. A few of the other stretches are also familiar to me from gym classes and physical therapy so I can get closer to matching Emi but she is much more flexible than I am. After a few minutes of stretching Emi stands back up and walks to the track.

"Just match your pace to mine for the first lap, we'll keep it slow to warm up at the start." After I join her on the track we begin our run. As she said, we stay at a fairly slow pace for the first lap. My legs both feel ok and my breathing is only a little heavier, I can keep going just fine like this.

"Ok, I'm going to speed up now, you should too but you don't have to match my pace the rest of the way. You've got three more laps to go." She isn't breathing any heavier than before we started running. She picks up speed and runs ahead of me. I decide to stay at the same pace, I think it's ok for my first day.

"Come on, pick up the pace. You're almost done with your second lap," Emi says as she passes me having already completed another lap. This pace is fine for me, I don't need to go any faster. Maybe if I continue with this I'll start trying to go faster but this suits me just fine for now.

Emi passes me a few more times while I finish my last two laps. She doesn't say anything after the second time she passes me, I don't know if it's because she's started to get tired or if she's given up on getting me to run faster.

As I finish my last lap, Emi has started running sprints but she notices walking towards the bleachers and tells me to walk another lap around the track to cool down. I can do that much, my legs are tired but they can handle walking some more, there's no unusual or unexpected discomfort. My breathing and heart rate go back to normal as I walk.

When Emi finishes running her sprints she finally seems tired and out of breath. Watching her run before I wasn't sure if it was even possible. She joins me for the second half of my walk around the track.

"Why didn't you try to push yourself more? I'm pretty sure you could have done it, but you didn't even try," she sounds a little disappointed, "If you don't push yourself you'll never know or get past your limits."

"I felt comfortable at that pace. It's only my first day. Is that a problem?" It shouldn't be a problem, I guess she expected more for some reason.

She accepts my answer but doesn't say anything else about it while we finish our walk. "Well, that's it for today. I have to go see Nurse, if you need to go too we can go together. If you don't, I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Actually, I was going to see him tomorrow afternoon but if we have time now I could get it out of the way early. Do we have time before classes start?" I forgot to bring my phone with me so I don't have any way to check the time.

"Sure! I usually get to class on time." She doesn't seem to care whether we're on time or not. I shouldn't either, I don't even stay for all my classes everyday.

Walking into Nurse's office he seems surprised to see me, concerned too maybe. That would make sense with an unexpected visit like this. "Hello, Emi. You've brought miss Nakano with you?"

"Yeah, she ran with me this morning."

"I actually joined the track team, for now at least." The look of concern Nurse had when I walked is now replaced with his usual smile.

"That seems unlike you but I'm glad to hear it." He continues speaking, this time to Emi, "I'll see you in a minute, I'd like to speak with miss Nakano first though."

Emi pouts and gives a look of mock disappointment before going back into the hall. Once the door is closed Nurse pulls my file out and begins asking me questions. "The track team, eh? I think I said you should get some exercise other than from physical therapy, so that's good. How's your leg feel after running?"

"It feels the same as my other leg, a little sore. I didn't try to push myself."

"That's good. I think running should be fine. You've been back to full weight bearing status for about four months now and your recovery has gone well so I think this will be good for you. How did your classes go last week?"

"Ok, I guess. I'm still having some memory problems and difficulty concentrating, same as the week before, and the weeks before that."

"And your mood?"

"I've been fine, nothing unusual at least."

"Alright, all we can do is hope things improve. Your physical health seems good and regular exercise should keep things that way. We can cancel your appointment for tomorrow afternoon unless you'd like to come back then?" Nurse is smiling now that we're done talking about the serious issues.

"No, we can cancel it. I'll come back at the regular time next week."

"Ok. Come back sooner if anything comes up. I assume you'll be running with Emi every day?"

"That seems to be the plan." I can't be sure that things will go according to that plan although I feel more confident about that I did yesterday or when Emi woke me up this morning.

"Let Emi know she can come in on your way out please."

When I walk out into the hall, Emi is waiting just as she was when I opened my door before our run. She goes into Nurse's office and I go back to the dorms.

Checking the time after getting back to my room, I see I still have a while before classes start so I can get breakfast after I shower. I pull a uniform and a towel from my closet before walking down the hall to the bathroom. It's not too crowded right now but it will be soon so I make sure not to spend too long relaxing under the hot water. After I finish washing the sweat from running off I take some time to massage the scars on my hip and the side of my leg.

Having showered and changed into clean clothes it's time to for breakfast. Then I'll have to face another day of classes, maybe I'll make it through this one.
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Interesting start so far.
A few missing words here and there but nothing major.
I assume this is going to be the day Hisao arrives at the school?

Great job for a first post, and where did you find a Rin picture I haven't seen yet? What is this sorcery?

Mirage_GSM wrote:Interesting start so far.
A few missing words here and there but nothing major.
I assume this is going to be the day Hisao arrives at the school?

The first two chapters took place during the second month of the school year, most of the way through May since school starts in April in Japan. Hisao arrives at the school in the beginning of June. It should still be in the next chapter though, just not the current day of the story.

Sea wrote:Great job for a first post, and where did you find a Rin picture I haven't seen yet? What is this sorcery?

I'm guessing you mean my avatar. The character is actually Lain, from Serial Experiments Lain, not Rin.

Good posting...you've caught my attention!
I hope you find time to post further chapters.

BTW - understand your hesitance to post first time. I've posted only one story, but that took some self-convincing. I think the KS community that still comes here is EXTREMELY supportive of each other. Kinda a "I got your feelz" brotherhood. So, please, keep up the writing/posting.

Sea wrote:Great job for a first post, and where did you find a Rin picture I haven't seen yet? What is this sorcery?

You mistook an image of a girl who obviously has hands for Rin?

/quote]

when they when

Only major thing that bugged me, as for the story really found it interesting. What is wrong with her? I kept myself asking every page. Look forward to finding out! Your avatar is cool too, keep on writing and enjoying yourself on this forum.

Cosmicmustache wrote:"I got your feelz" brotherhood.

Welcome to the feelz brotherhood as mustache said!

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Chapter Three - Routine
Waiting for class to begin, I don't think I've ever been this early before. Even so, I'm not prepared for class either way since I never got around to finding out who has my backpack or what I missed in class on Saturday. The first part, as it turns out, is not a problem as more students make their way into the classroom and one of the girls, I think she's our class rep, has my bag as well as her own.

The girl with my backpack places her bag on her desk in the front row before bringing my backpack to me. I know that I know her name, but I'm having a hard time remembering. "Thank you, I was wondering where my backpack went on Saturday but I kind of forgot to ask anyone about it over the weekend." I'll just try to get through the conversation without her realizing that I don't remember her name.

"You're welcome. We didn't know if you would be coming back to the classroom or not so Ryouta asked me to take your backpack with me. You didn't talk to him?" I did talk to him, Ryouta and I spent most of the afternoon on Saturday together.

"He didn't mention it."

"He didn't? If it happens again I'll just bring your bag to your room then. I should have done that this time, sorry about that."

"It's fine, I probably wouldn't have studied at all even if I had my books."

"Oh, ok." She pauses and looks around the room, then at the clock; there are still a few students missing and it's almost time for class to start. The teacher walks into the room carrying her usual binder of notes and the textbook for her classes. The girl who brought my backpack looks like she wants to ask me something but decides not to. Ryouta walks into the room just before the bell rings and the girl, who's name I still haven't remembered, walks back to her desk. When she passes Ryouta she says something that I can't quite hear.

Ryouta takes his seat at the desk to my left and turns to me with an apologetic look, "Uh, sorry. I was supposed to tell you that Asumi had your backpack." Now I know her name at least. Maybe I didn't know it before, none of the names I was thinking of were even close. "Hotaru?" What?

"What?" Did I miss something?

"I was just asking if there was anything else you talked to Asumi about. Nevermind, though." He turns away and looks to the front of the class as the teacher is beginning the lecture. That was unusual.

The most notable thing about class today is that I'm able to focus through most of it. My notes are a bit of a mess and I don't know if I managed to learn anything, but I'm still in my seat when the bell rings for lunch so it's a good day so far.

While picking at my lunch Ryouta asks how my run with Emi was this morning. He almost seems surprised that I didn't quit already which is kind of irritating. I don't think he annoys me on purpose, but he is good at it. I push the rest of my lunch across the table to Ryouta and go back to class early.

The afternoon classes don't go as well as the morning classes did. My attention starts to drift around the room more as the end of the day approaches and I miss large parts of the lectures, but I resist the urge to get up and leave again. I can make it to the end, it's only Monday.

The bell rings and I breathe a sigh of relief. Even if I hadn't run this morning I think I'd still be exhausted from sitting through class all day.

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Monday again, then Tuesday, the same as every week. Something is different though, not for me, for everyone else it seems. Trying to focus on my own business proves to be useless when it's not only my own head distracting me.

Not even the morning run is the same by Thursday. When Emi comes to my room to wake me up she's tense. She's not bouncing on her prosthetics like she usually does while waiting, instead she's just shifting her weight back and forth. On the way to the track I decide to ask her about it, "What's going on? Something has felt different the last couple days and even you seem different today."

"It's nothing. Uh, this Sunday is the festival, that's probably why things seem different." I'd heard that before. My class is doing something for the festival, the class rep or Ryouta probably told me about it.

"Is that it? You're acting different today than you usually do and you didn't mention the festival before today."

"Yeah, that's all." The track comes into view and she begins walking faster either to get started running sooner or to keep me from asking about whatever is bothering her.

As soon as she starts running she seems back to normal, the tension in her attitude and movement is released in the first few steps she takes on the track. The smile she regularly wears while she runs also returns. Running clears my mind but I don't think it affects me the same way it does Emi. When she finishes her first lap and passes me I snap out of my thoughts and begin my routine, this week I'm supposed to be doing an extra lap.

Coming around the track to finish my second lap I see we have a visitor. I don't know who he is, he's wearing shorts and a t-shirt but it's not the Yamaku PE uniform. After a few moments I realize I've stopped running and the unknown guy has started walking towards me. Before I think to say anything Emi is already running past me and waving.

"Good Morning! Your name is Hisao, right?" She knows him? "You may not remember me. Emi? I knocked you over in the hall yesterday."

"Um, are you a student here?" Maybe I'm asking a stupid question, Emi does know him, but he's not wearing the school uniform.

"Yeah. I, uh, just started here on Monday," he rubs his chest while he talks. Is he just uncomfortable because he's new? "The nurse mentioned having a spy at the track, was he referring to either of you?" I know it's not me so I turn to look at Emi.

"That's me," Emi says still smiling, although it's different from when she's running.

Their conversation continues with some joking and laughter but I've zoned out. I don't really know what's going on. Unlike Emi, Nurse didn't say anything about a transfer student to me and I didn't meet Hisao until now either. At the mention of my name I refocus on the conversation but it seems to be over already.

Emi and the new guy, Hisao, start running around the track. I start running after them and easily catch up to Hisao, he isn't running any faster than my regular pace. Emi has already run much further down the track.

Hisao is apparently in worse shape than I am, we're only half way through his second lap and he's struggling. I only have another lap and a half to go to finish my routine but I don't know if he'll make it that far. I slow down my own pace and Hisao continues matching my pace.

Rounding the track again, this time with only half a lap more to go, Hisao can probably make it to the end. Hisao slows down, stops and puts his hands on his knees, he's not going to quit. I stop and turn around to talk to him, "Hey, I've only got another half a lap. You can do that much."

He looks up at me and shakes his head. I walk around behind him and, as he stands up straighter to turn around towards me, I put my hands on his back and gently push him forward. He starts walking so I increase my pace. I get him running again, barely, the pace is even slower than before but he's going. Emi looks at me as she passes us.

When we finish the lap Hisao sits down next to the track. I tell him what Emi told me at the end of our first run and get him to walk another lap around the track instead of sitting down. As he recovers from the run he starts to talk, "You're Hotaru, right?"

"Um, yes. And you're Hisao?"

"Yeah. I just started here this week. How long have you been here at Yamaku?"

"You said that earlier, that you started this week, and I've been here since the beginning of this school year."

"I wasn't sure you heard me before. You didn't seem to be listening." We walk in silence for a few moments before Hisao asks another question, "Are you at the track this early because of the track team or because of the nurse?"

"I'm sort of on the track team, I just started recently though. I mostly just come down here with Emi in the mornings actually." That might not even count as being on the team. I haven't thought about that before, just running in the morning is enough for me and I don't intend to compete like Emi does. "Nurse says it's good for me to get more exercise in addition to my physical therapy, but that isn't why I started."

"Physical therapy? Is it, uh..." he starts rubbing his chest again, like he's nervous to ask the question. He looks at the ground and I catch him glancing at my leg.

"Um, the scars are from surgery. My leg was broken pretty badly last year. It's mostly better now." Hisao is looking away now, it's not a big deal that he was looking at my scars but maybe he feels like he shouldn't have. "It's not a cast, wheelchair, crutches or a limp any more, the scars are much less noticable but I got used to the looks and questions. So, don't worry about it." I try smiling to get him to relax a bit but he's still looking away.

This isn't the reaction I expected. The rest of our walk around the track is silent except for the sound of Emi's footsteps as she passes us. He occasionally looks over at me but looks away again without saying anything, When we finish the lap Hisao says goodbye to me to Emi as she passes again then he starts walking back towards the dorms.

I take a seat on the bleachers while waiting for Emi to finish her routine. What just happened? Should I not have answered his question, or at least waited for him to ask it first? I don't think I said anything wrong.

"What are you thinking about? Did something happen with Hisao?" Emi has taken a seat next to me on the bleachers and is waving her hand in front of my face to get my attention.

"You're done running?"

"Yeah. Are you alright? You've been sitting here since Hisao left. Did something happen?" How long ago did he leave? I don't think it's been that long.

"I'm fine. I don't know what happened, I've been trying to figure it out."

"Well, if he comes back tomorrow morning, you won't have to worry about it. Just wait and see." With that said, Emi stands up and starts walking back to the school buildings.

That's it? If he doesn't come back does that mean I did do something wrong?
____________________

YutoTheOrc wrote:

when they when

Only major thing that bugged me, as for the story really found it interesting. What is wrong with her? I kept myself asking every page. Look forward to finding out! Your avatar is cool too, keep on writing and enjoying yourself on this forum.

Cosmicmustache wrote:"I got your feelz" brotherhood.

Welcome to the feelz brotherhood as mustache said!

Fixed the mistake. Sometimes when I change the way something is written I accidentally delete or forget to delete words that should or should not be there.

As is the case with the characters in the game, the most important issues aren't the most noticeable ones. In my experience, the person affected thinks more about the symptoms than the cause which is one reason why I've avoided just writing about it directly.

cosmicmustache wrote:Good posting...you've caught my attention!
I hope you find time to post further chapters.

BTW - understand your hesitance to post first time. I've posted only one story, but that took some self-convincing. I think the KS community that still comes here is EXTREMELY supportive of each other. Kinda a "I got your feelz" brotherhood. So, please, keep up the writing/posting.

Thanks for the support from both of you.

I fully understand your apprehension to make your work public, we've all been there at some point.

Good plotting so far. And it's mostly well-written, if a bit... bland? No Emi taunts during the run, no wisecracks from Nurse. Also you're writing with OCs as main characters so you have to make readers find them interesting, especially if they're narrating. Incidentally there is a lot of "telling" and not a lot of "showing" going on—your POV character is just reporting instead of feeling what goes on. She doesn't need to be a Hisao-class smartass, but a little more insight into her thoughts wouldn't hurt. It's nothing a little editing couldn't fix though.

Finally, this might be personal preference but it's either "OK" or "okay", not "Ok/ok". To me that's like using "damnit" when it's either "damn it" or "dammit".

While you posted this on a public forum, I don't know if you expected critique so I apologize if this kind of feedback is unwanted. Everything else is alright. This has potential, so you should keep writing.

Bad Apple wrote:I fully understand your potential to make your work public, we've all been there at some point.

Good plotting so far. And it's mostly well-written, if a bit... bland? No Emi taunts during the run, no wisecracks from Nurse. Also you're writing with OCs as main characters so you have to make readers find them interesting, especially if they're narrating. Incidentally there is a lot of "telling" and not a lot of "showing" going on -- your POV character is just reporting instead of feeling what goes on. She doesn't need to be a Hisao-class smartass, but a little more insight into what she thinks and what she's griping with wouldn't hurt. It's nothing a little editing couldn't fix though.

Finally, this might be personal preference but it's either "OK" or "okay", not "Ok/ok". To me that's like using "damnit" when it's either "damn it" or "dammit".

While you posted this on a public forum, I don't know if you expected critique so I apologize if this kind of feedback is unwanted. Everything else is alright. This has potential, so you should keep writing.

I understand, I had a feeling that was the case and I appreciate the feedback. It's something I'm trying to work on but it's tough for me. I'm not used to writing about or even talking about my own feelings with other people so to express another person's feelings is also quite difficult.

As for OK/okay/ok, I don't think I'm usually consistent about which one I use in regular posting/messaging and I didn't intentionally decide on one to use here. It's possible I did do that though so if I do change going forward I'll go back and change the previous occurrences for the sake of consistency.

Finally, this might be personal preference but it's either "OK" or "okay", not "Ok/ok". To me that's like using "damnit" when it's either "damn it" or "dammit".

Or like using "alright" when it should be "all right".

Everything else is alright.

Oops...

(While I think "allright" is the lesser of those three evils it was fun seeing it written just after the admonition about the other two...)

Mirage_GSM wrote:stuff

You would be right, if my post were formal, edited writing and not an informal forum post. And if I hadn't already put a "personal preference" caveat in my 'admonishment', although to be frank 'Ok' does not pass auto spellcheckers, probably because it would be pronounced "Ock".

Dictionary.com wrote:Usage note
The form alright as a one-word spelling of the phrase all right in all of its senses probably arose by analogy with such words as already and altogether. Although alright is a common spelling in written dialogue and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing.

I know the difference. Calm down, officer.

Besides, wasn't this exact discussion with this exact same word covered in another thread here already?

Yup. It was, alright.