Twice

[TheHivemind]

I promise I'll go back to working on the real game now. Presented for the moment, unedited (meaning I'm too lazy to go in and put back the italics right now). Some stuff might get changed, or cut, or something. But really, I've been holding things up and there's no excuse for that. Forgive an old man and his eccentricities.

Twice

The office of the man commonly known to his patients as the Nurse was, like most offices towards the end of the day, quiet. Most offices have a bored silence to them at the end of the day; everyone just wants to go home, or drinking, or whatever it is you do after a day in the office to relax, and the clock becomes something of an antagonistic presence, cruelly keeping you caged within Time, until finally it strikes the hour of your freedom and you're out the door like a shot. The Nurse's office at this point was silent, but it was a tense silence, as the titular Nurse was having something of a debate with himself.

It wasn't a matter of going—that was certain; he'd accepted the invitation as he usually did (over the phone, as he also usually did. He very rarely ran into her in public, as it was downright unprofessional to even visit as regularly as he did. The frowns of the administration manifested easily enough in his mind; it would take so little for him to be fired for some form of fraternization; overly familiar with a patient or something of that sort. It gave an air of adventure to the whole thing, so long as he could keep it controlled. Recently, however...). It seemed to the Nurse that the question was not a matter of if, but a matter of when. Arriving at his usual time would be safest, there would be guests other than he, and things would stay precisely as they'd been for the last eight years.

Sometimes he thought of it as a sort of penance, or simple cautiousness over what was admittedly a delicate subject. Penance, because hadn't he already blown it once before? It certainly seemed that way to him, and nothing short of what had been the worst kind of coincidence had even brought him back into contact. The very fact that he considered it a stroke of anything other than the worst sort of luck (was this the mythical second chance he'd talked of to Hisao? Fate certainly had a poor idea of how to carefully carry off this sort of thing) was a source of guilt. Every cloud has a silver lining, but when you're just part of the silver lining to the biggest, ugliest goddamn cloud in the sky it's best to shut the fuck up about silver anythings and repent your own selfishness. Which had been the problem in the first place, which is why he'd been so reluctant to even meet outside the office the first time.

It was really Emi's fault that he'd been roped into the visits in the first place—her adamant refusal to stop when told necessitated additional watching, and (as he admitted to himself with another pang of guilt) it wasn't as if he didn't enjoy both the girl and her mother's company. Her mother, of course, was a project unto herself, a rehabilitation that he was completely unable to assist with. The daughter, at least, he could help; and so he did. Quite by accident, the daughter's rehabilitation aided the mother's rehabilitation, such as it was. Maiko refused to see a professional, despite the Nurse's own repeated suggestions. Seeing her daughter recover was enough, she said.

So the Nurse never really meant it when he told Emi to slow down, because as much as he wanted to do his job he also wanted to see Maiko back to something resembling her old self. The first time Emi had tried out her running blades, Maiko had smiled, and the Nurse had been hit with waves of alternating happiness and guilt and pride and everything else. But he'd kept helping Emi, and then came to the realization that he could actually get a better job by working for the school (Emi's enrollment was another coincidence, or so he told himself).

Still, thinking over old memories hardly got him any closer to a decision—though if he kept it up, it would be taken out of his hands, he reasoned. Something deep within him rebelled against such an apathetic response, and it seemed as if he would be missing an opportunity to take his own advice for once and stop worrying. Eight years was long enough to go beating himself up over it, wasn't it? Didn't Hisao think the very same thing? He'd said as much before leaving. Certainly he didn't think it was the Nurse's decision to make. “Shouldn't the girl be the one to say when the hero's stopped paying?” Simple enough question, but a difficult thing to act on.

If there was a shot of something alcoholic at hand, the Nurse would have downed it in a swift and sure gulp, wiped his hand across his face, and marched resolutely out the door. There wasn't, so he had to settle for merely marching resolutely out the door, though even as he locked up the office he had second thoughts. The second thoughts continued on the way to his car, and to his apartment (where he changed into more casual clothes, but still more suited for a formal occasion. It was a barrier, and while the whole point was to get rid of barriers today he couldn't quite give up that last piece of security just yet), and back to his car, and then at the store to pick up a dessert (black forest cake was a delicacy that Nurse, Emi, and Maiko all agreed was never a bad choice), and then sitting at the stop sign to make the turn on to her street. Was he doing something smart, or something stupid? Would it be considered odd of him to turn up so early—and would that make what he was trying to do easier, or harder?

An annoyed honk from behind ends any further debate. The turn was executed, then came the driveway, and by the time the Nurse had stepped out of the car Maiko was already opening the door with a smile that banished any doubts for a few moments.

“Early today? What's the occasion?” Eyes sparkle, either from surprise, happiness, or a combination of both. An element of confusion, too—the Nurse is regular as clockwork, and Maiko knows something's up as soon as his response is caught in a slight stammer.

“N-no particular reason.” It feels like high school again, only now he's a little better at recovery, giving an elegant shrug. “I had nothing better to do, so I figured I'd keep you from burning yourself on the stove, or something.” Ah, insinuations of ineptitude that both know are untrue. The Nurse has always stood in awe of Maiko's cooking, but he has to banter to get Maiko to respond and maybe forget that he's shown up early.

“Oh please, you're worse than I am! Now I'm going to have to keep an eye on you as well as dinner!” Not that she minds his being here—minds it far less than even he knows. Having someone else around is comforting; staying in this house full of ghosts and little else whilst Emi's at school has never sat right with her (why else would she go out so often?). And she misses him less when the Nurse is around, because they're so similar in their joking dispositions. There's other things she misses as well, having someone around in the morning, someone to keep her warm, listen to her worry about her ridiculously headstrong daughter, and yes, fine, she's never been one for subtlety, someone to get tangled in the bedsheets with. There's always a distance between she and the Nurse, and it frustrates her because she knows exactly who put the distance there and why, and she can't get angry at the Nurse for being such a damnably good person even if it has caused her no small amount of anguish to end their dinners with one lingering kiss and then turn back to an empty house and an empty bed.

If she had the slightest idea that the Nurse was even now debating the merits of removing, or at least starting to remove, what he'd once referred to as the “inappropriateness” of his level of contact with the Ibarazaki women, her smile would have gotten even wider. As it was, she felt it falter slightly—as out of character as it would have been for the Nurse to do so, she'd almost been hoping he was going to say “Couldn't wait to see you” or something of equally preposterous levels of sappiness. The fact that this was in fact the reason the Nurse had shown up was, of course, immaterial.

Ushered inside now, the Nurse lets his gaze wander around the sitting room while Maiko makes small talk that neither of them have much interest in, but it's part of the routine, and while Maiko hates the routine, she knows (or thinks she does) that this is what is needed right now. The Nurse isn't going to go any further than this, not until he...does whatever it is he thinks has to be done before they could even consider being completely open with one another. It's a funny thing, she reflects, that she should be forced to keep her distance from the one person she has no interest in being separated from. The Nurse feels a similar problem, which is of course why he's hoping to perhaps resolve that particular issue if he can remember to man up and actually do it.

His gaze is arrested by a photo that makes him smile; it is of Emi at her first post-accident track meet, waving earnestly at the camera while the Nurse stands to the side, looking the part of the proud parent. Maiko notices the smile, and shifts topic: “So how is my daughter these days? Same as ever?”

“Better than that, I think.” The Nurse muses, half to himself. “That Nakai kid and she have been great for one another, I think.”

“She's quite lucky. He seems to really care about her.”

Perhaps now, the Nurse thinks, into the breach. “Quite a lot, actually. He came to me today trying to figure out what to do post graduation.”

“Oh?” Curious. “Emi told me that he was planning on pursuing a scientific degree of some sort. Is he considering medical school, then?”

“Oh no, nothing like that. Something different. He seemed rather concerned as to where he was going to go, and whether or not Emi should figure into the decision.”

An elephant saunters into the room, mentions that it's just there to have a look at the paper, and seats itself on the sofa. “Really? I trust you gave him good advice, of course.” The unspoken 'you've got the experience' goes unsaid. The elephant snorts at an editorial, muttering something about communists.

“Of course. He already knew the answer, anyway, I just had to point it out to him.” Whilst debating on whether or not to go into greater detail, the elephant farts loudly and apologizes, claiming some grass he'd eaten earlier must have been covered in pesticides.

“And what was the answer, if I may be so curious as to ask?”

“That I wasn't the sort of person to go asking, and anyway they'll be fine as long as he doesn't start taking her for granted.” The Nurse decides he's had enough and asks the elephant to please get the hell out of the house. “Er, like I did.”

“You know I forgave you years ago for that. It all wound up being for the best anyway, remember?” Maiko has far less trouble making this statement than the Nurse thinks she would. “I have a lovely daughter, I had a lovely husband, and I've even got you around again, so no harm done.”

The Nurse sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “I don't know how you can say that.”

“Because it beats moping around all day, that's why.” A bit sharp in her response, almost angry. “Besides, plenty has happened between now and then. Certainly I've been through worse than a breakup.” That stops the response on the Nurse's lips cold.

“Sorry, I know. I guess this really is harder for me than it is for you.”

“You know, I don't understand why this should be. It was college. You know how long you've been out of college?”

“Eighteen years?” A guess, he's pretty sure Emi was born after he'd already finished. More or less.

Sometimes, Maiko thinks, he's too literal for his own good. “Long enough to learn from your mistakes, I'd hope.”

That's what this was all about in the first place, the Nurse thinks. Fear that he hadn't learned from his mistake. Fear that he'd lose her again, and it seemed pretty obvious that he wouldn't get another shot after that. People had died for the second chance to come around, a third chance would involve some kind of world war, he was certain. That certainly kept him from wanting to risk it (Maiko, on the other hand, felt that was a perfectly good reason to want to risk it). Of course, it was too late to really back out now, wasn't it? The elephant had been told to leave the room in no uncertain terms. Unfortunately, that involved addressing it, and addressing it meant going forward, despite his reluctance to do so (and at the same time, the mad desire to do so as soon as possible. Some people may have considered the Nurse to be crazy for this, except they likely would realize that this is exactly how people think all the time after a few minutes).

“Well? Have you?” She seems rather exasperated, which can be forgiven. This is probably the most they've ever touched on the rather delicate subject of why the Nurse really has been so reluctant to move beyond the current arrangement, and it hasn't gone very well.

“I don't know. I hope so.” He swallows hard, wanting to find a time machine so he can avoid this conversation. What was he thinking, anyway? It was too soon (no it was too late (no it was the perfect time, now or never))). “I wish I did. Then we wouldn't have to worry about this at all, would we?”

“We still don't have to, you know.” Taking an aggressive role again—it seems like she's always the one doing this, and it bothers her. She remembers a far more reckless man, but then again that had been years ago. So much stands between them now that it would be easy to give up. Too much to get over, or at least address. But she wants this, wants him to be more like the person she remembers, wants him to take a chance with her. “I'll take a chance on it if you will.”

Now or never. One of the most overused, cliched phrases in the language and yet it still applied. “I don't...” He means to say he doesn't know, can't know, and can't actually do this if he can't be sure. But he trails off instead, thinks he should probably just leave. Live to fight another day, even if it sure as hell feels like he won't be doing any fighting if he leaves. Hell, he's here to fight right now, isn't it?

The sound of his name (his name, not just 'the Nurse,' a line she's never crossed since meeting him again) said with a sort of desperate pleading, stops him in his tracks. Maiko's standing there trembling, looking as vulnerable as he's ever seen her, and the sight causes a wave of conflicting emotions to shoot through him. She says his name again, this time with a “please” at the end. Please, just take this chance. I need this. You need this. Fuck certainty, we've got each other and we'll muddle through somehow. All this becomes immediately clear to him in a moment.

There are no more words, only a silent nod of assent from him and a sudden rush towards one another, the Nurse's heart lightening like it hasn't felt in years, lips seeking, finding, years of waiting and wanting and denying all rushing by, falling away, leaving the two alone in the living room, breath and heartbeat and voices repeating names like they're spells, or mantras, or prayers. Stumble backwards surprised by the force of her, fight back but whoops! there's the coffee table, ankle hurts now but that's okay warmth stronger than twisted ankles floods body arms move shirt up up up--

Maiko gasps at the feeling of a hand on her breast, nearly loses it right then and there before anything's even got started. Couch receives the two falling backwards straddling the Nurse feeling heat and something's growing, welling up, tickles, giggle girlishly (how long has it been?) grind and grope, groan comes from him vibrating through lips down spine breathing heavy now almost time almost bring hands belt now he giggles, deeper but realize it's probably been even longer for him--

The doorbell, seeing its chances to intervene are growing smaller by the second, rings. Then, just to be sure, it rings again. Mrs. Ibarazaki and the Nurse freeze, memory kicks into high gear, all together now kids, who's the mystery guest? “Emi!”

“Shit,” the matron hops off the couch like it has unexpectedly become a cactus, the Nurse stands upright and starts thinking about all the different ways there are to play baseball in the snow. Knocking now, as the doorbell feels that its job is done. Mrs. Ibarazaki makes for the door, stopped by “Maiko! Shirt!” whoops didn't see that, wouldn't do for those to be hanging out now would it? Probably should fix her hair a bit too, so it's the Nurse who opens the door first, trying hard not to look as guilty as he is.

~

Dinner is somewhat uneventful, assuming you don't count how damn jumpy a pair the Nurse and Maiko make, bantering back and forth high speed in an over-compensative attempt to show that everything's normal, no they weren't about to fuck on the couch when you came over, where'd you get that idea? Even Hisao looks like he's got his suspicions but maybe the Nurse is just getting paranoid. Hisao has it figured out by the end dessert—well, part of it anyway— “So she's the girl from high school, eh?” “Clever.” “You know, I told Emi what you said. About risk taking, I mean.” “Hmm. Did she listen?” “Maybe. I can't tell.” “Did you try asking her directly?” “That'd be weird.” “Just a thought. She might give you a straight answer; subterfuge isn't her thing.” “She usually just changes the subject.” “Keep trying. She'll come around, she's just stubbornly decided that she's not allowed to think long-term, that's all.” “Oh, that's all? Well, that's no problem.” “I detect some sarcasm in your statement, Hisao.” “How clever of you.”

“Gotta go, we've got running tomorrow c'mon Hisao!” A bolt of lightning shoots through the dining room, dragging Hisao away from his conversation. Hasty goodbyes and a slightly embarrassed-looking Maiko means that Emi's figured out something's up, and she's not about to hang around for it. Or, and here's the real terrifying thing—maybe Maiko's told her everything (or almost everything)! The Nurse digests this one for a few minutes, feeling the warm fingers of blind panic reach out and give him a hug—oh, wait, that's just Maiko.

“That went well.” No kidding, Emi took to the new idea like a charm, and immediately declared something about “Giving you two some privacy” before shooting out of the kitchen. The Nurse doesn't know that.

“I disagree,” said with whatever shreds of dignity he feels left, “we have been outed, I fear. Both of those kids are going to be giving me funny looks the rest of the school year. I don't even want to think about what'll happen if they tell their friends or--” He stops about here, because Maiko's started laughing at him and now (much to his surprise) he's started laughing too. “Okay, you've got me.” In more ways than one. He keeps thinking back to before dinner, how damned light he felt, and how much he was very quickly certain that no, there wasn't certainty but that was just fine, for now. “I need to grab something from my car.”

“Oh? Hiding something from the other guests?” Or looking for an excuse to get out of the house and drive off, a cynical part of her thinks.

“More or less.” He's out the door and back again shortly, carrying a small gym bag. “Thought maybe I could stick around today—er, tonight.”

Suddenly, Maiko feels very shy. This is exactly what she'd hoped for, but actually doing it—having her...well, she supposed he was a boyfriend by this point---stay the night with her; it all feels a bit like being in college again. “That's...that's fine. Yes, I'd love you to.”

“Second thoughts?” A grin on the Nurse's face now, it makes him look younger, somehow.

“What? No, of course not!” A hand runs through her hair, and she frowns slightly. “It just feels...weird, that's all. Like I should have checked with my parents to make sure it was okay, or something.”

A laugh now as the Nurse drops his bag to run a hand over Maiko's face. “And here I thought they were out of town tonight, so you had the house all to yourself.”

“That's right, and I'm going to throw a party with all my friends and there'll be beer and everything!” She shoots back, grinning as his hand comes to rest on her shoulder. Her own hand finds his shoulder, and the two draw closer and closer, until they're face to face, both grinning, both nervous as hell (and they shouldn't be, should they? Not after the couch, right? Ah, but this is different. The couch was unrestrained, an explosion long delayed. This is consciously taking a step in this direction).

It's gotten quiet in the house now, only the sounds of breath and a ticking clock to count the seconds that pass as the two stare at one another before a slow joining of lips, eyes closed, each taking the time to appreciate how long they've waited to do just this. Her scent surrounds him, he feels his heart rate increase, and soon he knows that her heart's doing the same thing because they embrace and he can feel her heart against his. An eternity goes by, and they slowly draw apart.

“Well,” she hears him say, “that was--” And then she's kissed him again, a little more fire than the last one (okay probably a lot more fire than the last one—that smoldered, this blazes), but the Nurse probably wasn't going to finish his sentence anyway, so strongly had he felt the need to taste her again. Now they draw each other closer, scrabbling to feel as much of one another as possible, until she finds herself against the wall and, well, why not just jump him, wrap your legs around him, feel him press against you and let out a cry of pleasure, reach over his back and tug at his shirt, get it off quickly so you can feel his bare skin (wait, get your shirt off too, giggle slightly as he fumbles briefly with your bra strap “Out of practice,” he mumbles). Maiko giggles drunkenly, and it's not until he presses forward again and she feels her chest on his that she briefly loses control and bucks against him, hitting her head on the wall in the process and bringing the whole thing to a temporary halt.

“You okay?” The Nurse sets her down, brings her head forward to make sure she's not bleeding or anything. This brings her face down to his chest, and she woozily concludes that it's probably best to plant a kiss right there, right in the middle. Startled, he jumps, but she holds on. “Feeling okay, then?”

“Mmm.” Maiko mumbles, and then works her way up to neck and jaw, before pausing again. “Maybe we should go somewhere softer.”

“Couch?”

Her head shakes, and she nods toward the stairs. “Bed.”

In two seconds, he's swept her up and started carrying her up the stairs as she gives a surprised whoop and giggles, “You're such a hopeless romantic sometimes.”

The bedroom is small, modest, not at all like the Nurse was expecting. The bed is still made for two, and that gives him pause. If this was the same bed...she must sense his hesitation, “It's new. I couldn't sleep in the old one. Too much there.” The mood is briefly somber, before it's pushed to the back of the mind, plenty of time to talk about that later. They've got forever again.

Kisses down Maiko's neck cause her to squirm, her breath catches in her throat, she calls his name, urges him on, feels lips on her breasts, between her breasts, traveling down her stomach tautening and then hands deftly deal with her own belt, and off come the pants, the air of the room chilling her briefly as panties follow suit, and then he's busy, kissing and teasing, over and around until it seems as if she might lose her mind, and when he finally stops teasing and plants one right on her, she can't stop her back arching toes curling cry echoing and she spasms, breathing hard, dizzy and wanting only for him to kiss his way back up to her again. He pulls back, stands up and looks down at the woman sprawled on the bed before him, smiling at him, nodding and inviting him back, only he's got to deal with this belt here, hmm... seems that it's stuck, hang on a second, there it is. Took you long enough, now get rid of those pants and socks and get back on that bed before you wake up and realize you're just having a dream again. A near fall into bed, she trips you up, maybe a little impatient for the main event.

The world seems to slow down as the Nurse enters Maiko, his breath catches and his consciousness briefly resurfaces to inform him that he needs to settle down or it's going to be a very short experience. His eyes find Maiko's, which were briefly closed as she reveled in the feel of him, but are now open and alive with passion and excitement and love, real love, for this man who unwittingly stumbled back into her life and took care of her daughter when she couldn't do anything but think about what she'd lost. She sees his eyes, almost flickering now, sees the warm smile on his face that is different from his normal smile, something vaguely remembered from a lifetime ago for the both of them, the way he used to smile at her. The need to feel more of him hits like a tidal wave, and she hooks her arms under his, feeling him move, hearing gasps that are both hers and his, letting the feeling inside build to immense pressure, kissing his face, feeling his lips on hers again, the pressure's even greater now, there's a buzzing in the back of her head, and she can tell by the way his breathing's started to come raggedly that he's at his limit, so she wraps her legs around his as he gives one final push...

The world goes out of focus for the Nurse, replaced by the other senses; smell of sweat sound of climax feeling her tighten around him touch of her skin against his, he cries out and feels the release, mind blanks and all he can feel is a surge of intense pleasure so great that its gradual fading leaves him exhausted, he rolls to the side so as not to accidently crush Maiko, who responds by rolling closer to him, dragging her top half on to her chest, listening to his thundering heart slow down with her own.

Silence but for their breathing. A whispered “I love you” floats through the air, is accepted without comment. Comment would just ruin the moment. They rest for a few minutes.

Then they do it all again, because once isn't enough.

[Silentcook]

05:19 AM, Wed.

Congrats, you just kept me up until an abominable time. Given that I knew what you were going to do, that's a feat. Aura had better look out.

Now wriet moar fgt. Laters.