Scarred Angel, a Hanako fan fic. (Gold Edition)
Posted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:43 am
Well, it's been a long time since I came here, and it's been more than one year since I posted my Scarred Angel Hanako fan fiction here for the first time. It was not too bad, but still had a lot of errors and lack of clarity in it. However, thanks to the help and continued exhortations and encouragements from Markus Ramikin, I was able to impove the story markedly. I did not want to necro the old thread, so that's why I decided to post it in a new one.
So here it is then, "Scarred Angel", Gold Edition! All comments welcome, but I hope you will enjoy it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scarred Angel
Part 1
I can see the sights of spring around while I ride my car. Some late blooming cherry blossom trees spread their pink branches to the sky. I see the dazzling sunlight from the rising sun pour down on the hills. I slow down and park my car in the car park of Yamaku High. As I look at the school gates, suddenly I am overcome with memories of the past years. When I first came to this school, I was angry at myself, and angry at the world. But I met two people who reminded me what it was like to be loved. And I learned how to love them as well.
First I met Lilly, a beautiful blonde girl, blind since birth. She could not see my scars, so I found it a bit easier to talk to her than to other people. She was so unselfish, always placed other people's needs before her own. Yet, she did not see me as someone pitiable. I relied on her, but I could feel that often she relied on me too. While she seemed to have many friends, none of them seemed really close to her. I think that she was sometimes feeling... lonely. Yet she was always gently smiling, as if she did not have a problem in the world...
Yet one night, when had our usual evening tea party together. Lilly was sitting on the bed, when something unexpected happened. She accidentally let a tea cup slip from her fingers. The shards scattered over the floor. Then she suddenly started to cry. As her tears flowed out, she told me her secrets, her sadness. How she missed her family, and yet also felt upset at them. How there was no one she could rely on but her sister and me. How glad she was that I was there for her.
And over and over she said that she loved me. I held her in my arms and, not knowing how to comfort her, I kissed her, my lips trembling. First on her forehead, then on her cheeks, and then finally on her lips. And then I shyly confessed my feelings to her as well. Then she kissed me too, over and over. She felt my body,and started to take off my night gown. I did not resist. Then she took off her own pajamas.
Her hands caressed my damaged skin, and my bare breasts. After a while, she slid her hands over my body, and took off my panties. Then she also took off her own underwear, and we laid down on the bed together. And we kissed, we hugged, we held each other tightly, arms and legs entwined. I did not feel strange or ashamed. I felt overcome with desire, excitement, pleasure and joy. I was just happy to be with her. Even though I still hated myself, and could not let anyone else but her come close to me. I loved Lilly.
Then I met Hisao Nakai, a new transfer student who, I learned later, had a severe heart problem. At first I was really afraid of him. But gently and shyly he entered my heart. I remember those tender days when we would drink tea and play chess together. Already then I fell for him, even though I did not know him well. At first, our relationship was difficult because Hisao saw me as someone to protect. After I had a panic attack, and spent my birthday in my room, I could feel him slipping away from me. When he showed me his scar, I knew that I had to do something urgently. So I decided to give him... everything.
When I felt the time was right, I took him to my room. I showed him all of myself... and gave my body to him. We laid down on my bed together. He played with me, rubbed me, and... entered in to me. I felt strange and ashamed. I felt overcome by fear, by pain, by sadness and by grief. But despite all that, I was happy to be with him. The next morning was awkward, but when we met later that day at the fountain, we told each other what was on our minds, and broke down in tears. Then I knew that Hisao and I finally had understood each other. We could finally open up and talk to each other honestly. And I kissed him for the first time. I loved Hisao.
What a beautiful summer it was, those days. We talked, we laughed, we kissed. Our love became stronger and stronger. But there was a shadow over our happiness. Lilly was becoming more reserved. I knew that she did that out of consideration for Hisao and me. And of course, we did not spend any nights together in her bed anymore. Soon after that, Lilly was summoned by her family to go live with them overseas. Neither Hisao nor I wanted her to go, but she seemed determined to go back. She said wanted to go there for her parents' sake.
I thought something felt strange about her leaving Japan, and Hisao thought the same. Yet, we did nothing to convince her to say. The day after she left Yamaku, Hisao and I met and talked about Lilly. We ended up crying in each other's arms. We both realized how much we would miss Lilly. Then, we decided we had to do something. We called a taxi and raced to the airport. What foolish teenagers we were. Of course, we ended up in a terrible traffic jam. When we came to the airport, the airplane carrying Akira and Lilly had already left. The only thing we got out of it was a huge bill from the taxi company.
After Lilly arrived in Scotland, we did stay in touch by phone and by mail. There was some good news soon after they left. Akira came back to Japan for a short time. Her boyfriend had agreed to go live with her in England. For legal reasons, they got married. They merely went to city hall to give in the wedding form and receive their wedding license. But Lilly did not come along with her sister. It's then that we realized Lilly was growing more distant from us.
Still, in her letters, Lilly urged us to think about the future, to focus on our studies, and she would do the same. She had decided to become an English teacher and would go study at a prestigious English university. She was right of course, and Hisao and I too started thinking about our future. For Hisao, pretty soon it was clear that he wanted to become a science teacher. Also he decided to start working out and take better care of his health, so I would not have to worry too much about that.
I thought about my future long and hard. While I like working alone, and I'm good with computers, I still felt worried about Hisao's condition. I wanted to be able to help him if his heart ever go him into problems. And not only him, I felt that I could become more confident if I could also help other people. So I decided to become a nurse.
Of course, we would have to go to different universities, so I was worried that Hisao and I would grow distant from each other, and that I would also loose my other friend, my other love. However, on the day of the graduation, after I had received my diploma, he took me back to the tea room where we had spent so much time together. There he gave me a ring, and asked me to marry him. I was overjoyed, and of course, I accepted.
Like that we were engaged, but we decided to postpone our wedding until we both graduated. And we also postponed our... wedding night. We loved each other and enjoyed hugging and kissing each other. But that time in my room was the only time we did... that. Hisao still felt somewhat ashamed for the way he went at it. I hadn't had the courage to show myself again to him like that. So we promised to wait until we both had grown up, until he had become my husband, and I had become his wife.
We started our studies, and the years crawled by. In the beginning studying to be a nurse was hard on me. I had to bind up my hair, so my scars were plain in sight to everybody. Sometimes, I had to hide in the linen room and call Hisao on the phone when I felt a panic attack coming. Sometimes I was bullied by some of the other students who felt I didn't belong.
When I started my internship in the burns ward, some patients didn't want to have anything to do with me. But there were also patients, usually those in a dire situation, who found it easier to talk to me than to anyone else of the medical staff. It was probably because they because they felt I would understand their situation better. Soon, people started calling me the "Scarred Angel". The bullying stopped. Finally, my colleagues respected me, but I felt they also somewhat feared me...
My light in those difficult days was Hisao. I called him every day, and whenever I felt I could not stand it anymore. We met each other in the holidays, talking, holding hands, kissing, hugging. He too found it hard to live without me. He told me of his loneliness and his desire for me. And each time, I felt that I longed for him more and more as well. It's true that absence makes the loving heart go fonder. Yet, we persevered. We kept going at our studies, and stuck to our promise.
It's a lie that time heals all wounds. I kept in touch with Lilly, but by then, I only sent a letter every three months and called her just as sporadically. I heard that her English studies were going well, but she didn't seem to want to talk about personal matters anymore. I was sad at this. The longer she was away from me the more I missed her. I could not believe that she had abandoned me.
When I talked about Lilly to Hisao, he told me he also missed her. He thought he also believed that Lilly probably had her own reasons, since she would never truly abandon her friends. I know it was unreasonable, but such thoughts kept me believing in Lilly. Even against all hope, I kept on loving her, even though there seemed to be no way she would return to me.
And then, this year, we both finally graduated. Hisao and I decided that we'd like to go somewhere we could both find work. But after looking for months, we were unable to find anything suitable. Then, out of the blue, Shizune Hakamichi, a former student president council and classmate at Yamaku, contacted me. She had not gone to college, but started her own business after graduating from high school. In the time it took for us to graduate, she had already become a millionaire, and a benefactor of Yamaku. She had heard I and Hisao had graduated, and wanted to so something to make up for the clumsy way she'd been meddling with our lives while we were in high school.
At first, I thought she had taken pity on me, and I didn't want her to pull strings on our behalf. But she told me I had it wrong. Nurse was going to leave the school and go work at a research hospital. So the school needed a new nurse. And the school had expanded due to her generous donations, so they needed an extra science teacher as well. Shizune thought it would be best if two ex-Yamaku students accepted these positions, and that's why she had tried to contact me. My heart jumped at those words. Finally Hisao and I would be able to work together, live together, and get married. So after I talked with Hisao, we both agreed to come back to work at Yamaku High.
I walk though the gate. Today is the day when the teachers come back from their holidays, and start preparing for the new school year. That is still one week off though, so the school grounds are still mostly abandoned. When I enter the nurse's office, Nurse is there, waiting for me with the same grin he had so many years ago. We greet with a bow, but there is no time for small talk. We immediately start to discuss the job, the students, and the cases I will have to take care of. It's already near lunch time when he finishes his explanations.
"That should be enough to get you started," he says. "I'm glad to see you have grown into such a fine woman. I trust you will be able to handle this, but call me on this number whenever there is something you want to ask me."
"What about today's appointments?" I ask.
"Since today is your first day, I have to instruct you properly during the whole day. So I canceled the few appointments I had. I asked the students not to come unless there is an emergency. And also, you don't have to go introduce yourself to your colleagues yet. So please take it easy for today," he says.
"Oh, you should not have!" I bow in thanks.
"No, it's nothing. I wouldn't want to wear you out on your first day at work. Besides I think someone you want to meet who will be coming here soon," he winks.
"Y-Yes, thank you very much," I say as my face colors red. I bow again more deeply.
He simply bows back and leaves without another word, grinning even wider.
I shift through the files and reread them, but I can't focus very well... Hisao. I feel like I am getting excited just thinking about him. It's true, I have become a woman now. Often I long for Hisao, I want him to be with me and... Now, it's even worse because we haven't met in a month or so. We want to build a house to go live together once we get married, but we decided to live separately for now until the big day. Like that, we will not be tempted to break our promise...
I cover my scar with my hand in embarrassment, as I feel my head getting completely red... No, not like this! I must be serious on my first day at work! I can't be daydreaming about such things! And also Hisao... he should be here any minute now. Today he is also starting here as a science teacher. Mutou must by now have finished lecturing him on the fine details of his work. I smile a bit at the thought. Then I hear a knock on the door. My heart skips a beat.
"C-come in!" I say.
Slowly the door opens, and a blond lady with a cane steps in. She closes the door behind herself.
"I heard the school has a new nurse, so I thought I'd pass by to introduce myself," Lilly says as she bows deeply with elegance. "I am Lilly Satou, and I will be the new English teacher. I hope you will take good care of me."
"L-Lilly? Lilly!" I shout as I jump up from my chair. "H-How? W-Why?" I say as I start crying.
"Hanako, is that you? Then Shizune must have..." Lilly starts crying too. It takes a few moments before she collects herself. "Well, I think I have to apologize to you, Hanako. I do owe you an explanation," she says, with a sad smile on her face.
Then, there is another knock on the door.
"Hisao?" I shout.
"Yes, Hanako, can I come in?" he answers.
No, not now! Not like this. I can't...
"Lilly, please follow me and lie down here. We can't... let him know just yet," I whisper. Lilly looks puzzled for an instant, but then nods quietly.
I put her down on the bed and close the curtain. Then I walk over to the door.
"I'm sorry H-Hisao, I-Ihaveapatienttotakecareof!"
"Oh," I hear for behind the door. "I see! Well, then I'll come back this afternoon."
"O-OK," I reply.
Then I hear his footsteps walk away, and I sigh in relief. I walk back to the bed and open the curtain. Lilly sits up and I go sit next to her.
"Well, at least now I will have a lot of time for that explanation," she says and smiles a bit sadly.
And I start crying again.
Part 2
I can hear the sounds of spring around me as I ride the bus. The singing birds joined with the the gurgle of the engine. I feel warm sunlight on my face. I smell sharp exhaust fumes, mixed with the sweet and floral scents of the season. As the bus rocks me to and fro, I start to reminisce on the path that has taken me here. The path that now will finally return me to Yamaku High.
When I first came to this school, I thought it was the best possible arrangement for my sister and my family. I met many people in Yamaku, and got along well with most of them. But I felt I could not confide in anyone, except my sister. And her work kept her occupied, so there weren't many times we could really talk. Still, I did not want anyone to worry about me. I never had a thought about my own needs. But in this school I met people who taught me that I also have my own feelings and desires. And I learned how to truly love others.
First I encountered Hanako. When I addressed her, her shy voice trembled in reply. But soon, we were talking to each other every day. She allowed me to touch her face, on which the scars of the past still remained. Hanako was not someone who liked people, but I felt she was fiercely loyal to me. I knew that I could tell her what was on my mind. Still, I did not want to trouble her too much. I wanted to support her as a friend ought to.
Then I had to move to the Yamaku dorms, so I had even less chance to meet Akira. The student council came tumbling down on me due to Shizune's obstinacy. I missed my parents, but in the darkest recesses of my mind, I felt a repressed discontent, an anger. Were Akira and I nothing but inconveniences to them? Nothing but pawns on the chessboard of business? But I could not think like that for long. I convinced myself that they loved me. That it was hard for them due to their disability. So I resolved to be strong. I could take care of myself, and no one would have to worry about me.
It was a lie. I don't know why that cup slipped from my fingers, but as it crashed, I realized it. I was lying to myself and I started to weep. I felt embarrassed to trouble Hanako so much, but she came to me and comforted me. My mouth started whispering, speaking, shouting, and could not stop overflowing with the song that my heart was full of. Then, Hanako's trembling lips shyly pressed on mine.
I could no longer reign in my own passions. Before I realized it, my hands caressed her body and stripped off her clothes... My desire for her was too strong. I pushed her down on the bed, and put my tongue in her mouth. I held her down, and rubbed my deepest secrets against hers until my body overflowed with waves of satisfaction. I felt strange and ashamed. But, I was overcome with excitement, pleasure and joy. I was just happy to be with her. I loved Hanako.
After that night, I never talked about it with Hanako again. And she never mentioned it either. I thought she must have been too embarrassed to talk about what I did to her. But despite our mutual silence, our relationship remained the same. Did she really forgive me so easily for what I did to her that night? I still felt guilty for what I had done, but I was thankful that she did not hold it against me.
Then I met Hisao. While he was also a timid boy, I could sense right away he was a very kind soul. He spent a lot of time with Hanako and me. I enjoyed his company, as did Hanako. Soon, I felt that the two of them had fallen in love with each other, without themselves even noticing it. I was overjoyed. Hanako would have a chance at a happy life, a happy love with Hisao. So I promised myself that I would do all in my power to make sure that Hisao and Hanako would be happy together. I owed her that much to make up for the way I had used her that night. I knew I could not interfere directly, but with my sister's help I was able to bring them closer. We set up some meetings, and I even went as far as to slip some protection into Hisao's pocket.
Normally I would not use such tactics, but I knew Hisao was a serious boy. I felt that if he made love to Hanako, he would most likely stay with her and marry her. Then Hanako would live a happy life with Hisao. At least, that is how I lied to myself. I was such a lustful girl... Alone, in bed, I would often touch myself and think about Hanako, and the things I did that night. And I would think about Hisao... and how I wanted him to also do such things to me!
I do not know how such a thing was possible. I loved Hanako, and wanted to be with her. But I also wanted to take her place and be the one who Hisao loved, the one he would make love to. I imagined that if I told Hanako and Hisao about my feelings for both of them, then the three of us could live together, as lovers. But I knew such a thing was against all decency and common sense. So I staid quiet and determined to keep my promise to myself. Still, I loved Hisao.
I was a bit worried when I visited my family in Scotland. I could not be there when Hanako's birthday was coming up. I worried that there would be problems between her and Hisao. When I met my family again after all those years, I was happy to see them, and yet... something was bothering me. It turned out they were summoning Akira and I to come live with them.
I realized I was disgusted with myself. I had promised myself to help Hanako to make up for hurting her. But that was a lie. I was filled with selfish desires. I knew that eventually I would not be able to control my passions. Already at that time, I wasn't a prude. I was mostly comfortable with my own sexuality. But I was still thinking about other people's desires first. I was convinced that it was due to my high libido that I had caused harm to Hanako. So I decided that in ordered to avoid such problems in the future, I would had to suppress such feelings.
Because of my strong feelings for Hisao and Hanako, I was convinced that if I staid in Japan, I would lose control over myself. Eventually I would have sex with one of them, which would break the two of them apart. So, I decided to accept my family's summons and go live overseas. I would take care of my parents. Even if it meant I would have to live far away from the two people I loved the most. I thought that this was the punishment I deserved for being so selfish and sexually aggressive.
Soon after I returned to Yamaku, I heard good news. Hanako and Hisao had become girlfriend and boyfriend. I was truly happy when I heard that, and yet, I was sad since I knew that my role as mediator had come to an end. I told them that I would return to Scotland. They tried to talk me out of it but I remained adamant. I could not tell them, but I felt I would only be a danger to their future happiness.
Then, not long before before I left Yamaku, I met Hisao alone by chance. It was outside in the school's grounds. It must already have been dark because I felt the chill of the evening breeze on my skin and smelled the odors of the night. Hisao begged me to think of myself, and of my own happiness. He had understood that going to Scotland was not what I really wanted. I broke down in tears, and he softly hugged me, to comfort me... And then, while I felt his warmth against me, and while I inhaled his manly smells, my passion woke again. I took his face in my hands, caressed his lips, and kissed him, long and passionately...
Then I broke his embrace, and shouted at him that I loved him. And that that was the reason why I had to leave. That I would break his happiness with Hanako if I stayed. I begged him to take good care of Hanako, and to forget about me, to forget about that kiss too. I implored him to never mention it to Hanako or anyone else, to let me go and not follow me. And I ran off, stumbled, fell and pulled myself up again, as I soiled and scratched my hands, until I made it back to my room. I wept, but I had told Hisao the truth. He loved Hanako, so he would understand that there was no other way than for me to leave.
And then I left, and went to live with my family. When I heard about the failed stunt that Hanako and Hisao had pulled, I wondered why they did such a thing, but I also felt relieved that they hadn't made it. For if they had, I would probably have lost my resolve. Akira, though, felt impressed. She realized that she could not live without her boyfriend. Against my parents wishes, she went back to Japan to marry him, and took him with her to Scotland. She was worried about me too, and I think she had expected me to come along with her, to make up with the two of them. But I refused because I knew what would happen... Instead I stayed in Scotland, and asked Hisao and Hanako to focus on their future.
I decided to do the same. After I graduated high school, I went to study English. I heard from Shizune that Hisao and Hanako had gotten engaged. I felt relieved and happy for them. At least, that's what I thought then. But still, I missed them, both of them. It must have been obvious that I was having problems adapting to my new life. Akira and her husband tried to cheer me up as much as possible. But I could not be completely honest with them. Even Shizune and Misha, Shizune's boisterous former class mate at Yamaku, would try to comfort me in their own way when they came over for business.
Slowly the years passed by. I kept in touch with Hanako and Hisao, but I still felt like intruding on them. I ended up only writing them and called them at their birthdays or similar occasions. In college, I was well liked, and made many new acquaintances. But I kept them at an arm's length. Then, there was Billy Yates. He was in the same college as me, and seemed to have been smitten with my graces. He was a spoiled son of a wealthy industrial. Someone who thought that lusting for a blind woman was an act of pity. He was everything I disliked in a man.
He was nothing like Hisao, or Hanako. I kept Billy at bay. I could not forget my two loves. In my dreams, I could still hear their voices, smell their smells, and feel their caresses. Dreams of desire, guilt, and love. Looking for guidance, I read many books, religious books, books on ethics and philosophy. I learned that in the past, and even today, in some countries, sometimes a man would marry two or more wives. Of course, I could not allow myself to hope such things, but still, it made me wonder...
Finally I graduated from university. On the day I returned home, my parents were waiting for me. But they were not alone. They told me that at my age I should think of getting married. They wanted to introduce to someone who they thought could take good care of me. Someone who could help me in managing the family's business. But I already knew him. Yates. For four years I had managed to keep him at bay, but it seemed that he now had gone for a more backhanded approach.
I realized that it was true what Akira had told me so many times. Our parents did love us in their own way. But they were blind to our needs. They were too focused on wealth and material gain to understand the importance of emotions. They thought that if I married a wealthy man it would be enough for me to be happy. They were used to a life full of luxury and affluence, and didn't think much of such useless things like romance, or honest feelings.
For the first time in my life, I lashed out in anger. I slung the most horrible insults I could think of at Yates and at my parents. I desperately stumbled out of their house, called my sister, and begged her to come. My parents came after me and tried to persuade me, but I refused to listen to them. I now clearly knew why I was angry at them, and why I had to leave them. Not a moment too soon, Akira came and took me out of there.
That is how I ran away from my parents. But I had no where to go. I could not stay in Scotland. But still, I did not dare to return to Japan either. I broke down in tears, right there in Akira's car. I told her everything, even what I had done to Hanako. She simply replied that she knew of a way to solve my problem, and she would take me there. We got out of the car, Akira guided me, and we entered an office. Form Akira's conversation, I understood where we were. A travel agent's.
I protested, but Akira insisted that I should stop running away from my problems. That I should trust my two friends because they cared for me. That I finally should follow my own feelings and desires for once. I remembered what Akira had done, how happy she seemed after she had gotten married. I realized she was right. At least, I should go back and meet the two of them one more time, and tell them both what was on my mind. Perhaps they would not forgive me, but I owed them at least an explanation for why I suddenly abandoned them like that.
Akira bought me ticket to Japan, helped me renew my passport and gave me some money. But still I had no place to stay. However she reassured me that someone had also taken care of that. She had contacted a mutual friend who had just the thing. I wasn't too sure what to think of it, but I went along with it. When I arrived in Japan, an air hostess helped me to leave the airplane and guided me towards the exit. As soon as we stepped though the hissing sliding doors between the customs and the arrival hall, I heard a loud voice, a roaring laughter I hadn't heard in years. Misha had come to pick me up. Shizune wasn't there, as she was occupied, but she had arranged a place for me to stay. Near Yamaku. The school had expanded thanks to Shizune's donations and they needed a new English teacher.
At first I was a bit upset at Shizune's and Akira's manipulations but I had to admit that it was a good solution for my problem. I would be able to work and stay in Japan, and live as independently as possible. Maybe I could even meet Hanako and Hisao from time to time. And Misha was also starting in Yamaku as a sign language teacher at the same time as I. While in high school I didn't get along with her because of Shizune, I was glad to see that Misha had become more independent and had also made her own way in life. I was looking forward to having her as my colleague. So I decided to give it my utmost and enjoy my new job and my new life.
"Next stop, Yamaku High," the bus driver says helpfully.
"Wahaha~! Looks like this is our stop! It will be so much fun!" Misha says.
Shizune set up in adjacent appartments. Misha's car broke down, so today we're taking the bus. Today is our first day at work. Misha guides me though the gates.
"Today, I'll show you around the new building. You'll be teaching there, so you should know your way around" she says.
"But should I not go introduce myself to my seniors?" I ask.
"WAHA~! It's fine, most of them are busy now with preparing for the new schoolyear. There will be time for introductions in the afternoon. And while we're on the topic, there's a new nurse who's also starting out together with us. I think you'll probably want to go introduce yourself to her first. WAHAHAHA~!" I'm puzzled at that last remark, but Misha already put my hand on the the entrance door the new building.
"Well, then let me see what this building is like," I say with a smile.
"Wahaha~!" Misha laughs at my joke.
The new building turns our to be rather large. Apart from the elevators, it is build in the spirit of Yamaku. It's more like a normal building than an environment to coddle the pupils. First Misha accompanies me. Then I begin to walk around alone, as I probe the empty hallways, feel my way around the classrooms, and listen to the echoes of the surroundings. Finally I have memorized the lay out of the building to the finest details. I feel my watch, and it turns out I had to spend most of the morning to do so.
I go back to the new building's teacher's room where Misha had been waiting for me. Before I enter, I can hear her talk on the phone.
"Wahaha~! So, you're done then! OK, I'll send her over. Yes, See you!".
I enter. "Sorry, I should not listen in to your conversations," I concede.
"No, it's fine, it was about you anyway. You see, Nurse... AHAHA~, I mean the old Nurse has finished instructing the new nurse. She's all alone now, so now is a good time to go introduce yourself!"
"Ah, so it's like that? Well then, I'll go over there to meet her," I say.
"You can find the way yourself right?" Misha says.
I nod.
"OK, then I'll be heading to the old building's teacher's room. Please don't hurry for me. Just relax and have fun. Wahaha~!" she says.
I bow, and take my leave of her. A new nurse, and another young lady too? Who knows, she might become a new friend? Becoming a teacher at Yamaku may turn out better than I had hoped! I make my way to the Nurse's office, and knock on the door.
"C-come in!" I can't hear it very well though the door, but is that... No, that's impossible. I smile, open the door, and enter.
"I am Lilly Satou, and I will be the new English teacher. I hope you will take good care of me," I say as I bow.
"L-Lilly!!? L-Lilly" a familiar voice says. Is that... Hanako? Hanako! And before I'm able to say anything else, I start to cry.
Part 3
I look outside the window. I see the sights of spring. Some late blooming cherry blossom trees spread their pink branches to the sky. I see the dazzling sunlight from the rising sun pour down on the hills. I think back of the last four years. So much has happened, but finally, I will be able to say goodbye to the sadness those years brought me.
Our first problem was solved so simply. Lilly explained to me what had happened back then, and why she had returned. How unsure she still was. She asked me for forgiveness for that night. I was a bit surprised she did, because I thought was the one who had taken the initiative, and I was actually happy that she had accepted my feelings and had done such wonderful things to me. I told her as much, and convinced her that she should not blame herself. Lilly was very relieved and from that day she didn't feel guilty anymore about that night.
I was even a bit miffed that she had been trying to protect me from herself all this time. I don't need that! But more importantly, I was very happy that she had returned to me. We confessed to each other, and decided to tell Hisao the truth. Silently embracing each other, we waited until he came back. At first he was as surprised as I had been, when he saw us huddled together like that. But when we talked about him in all honesty about the past and our feelings, he smiled.
Just one honest conversation between the three of us. That was all it took for us to confess our feelings to each other. Hisao's feelings had been the same, but he had been unsure if he could mention it to me or Lilly. I and Lilly loved each other, and we both loved him, and that made him happy. If we were not jealous, then he would he would also love the both of us. Even if it was against all morality and common sense. He would look for a way for us to be together.
Shizune had concocted her plan together with Akira, but she didn't know the details. She just wanted to help us in some way. Still, we sent her a thank you letter with a photo of the three of us and Misha, as well as a present to thank her for her kind help. The school year started, and we worked together in the same school as teachers.
There were still many things that worried us. Japanese society will not accept a relationship as ours. And the conservative family law would also have caused us problems. More so because both Lilly and I wanted to have Hisao's child. We even had our fertility tested to see if it would be possible to have children, so we could plan accordingly. All of us were fit to conceive, so we had to think carefully about our future children's future. We would have to take care that our children would not be seen as illegitimate. We were worried that they would be bullied or discriminated against because of us.
And also, there were Hisao's and Lilly's family to think about. Lilly was already living in discord with them and we didn't want to make that worse. And we did not want to estrange Hisao's parents either. While Akira was completely thrilled about the three of us getting together, she agreed that we could not tell anything to Hisao's or Lilly's parents. The shame would be too great, and Lilly and Hisao might even be disinherited.
As we looked into various ways in which we could live together with the three of us, we realized that there would be no way to do that without people gossiping behind our backs. No matter how much we loved each other, they would brand us as immoral. We were working in a school, so our jobs and the reputation of Yamaku could be at risk. So there seemed to be no workable solution. That's why we decided that it would be best I married Hisao after all. Lilly was sad, but she also agreed that it would be the best solution.
We had a small, low key ceremony, and went to live together in an apartment not far from where Lilly and Misha lived. Lilly kept living next door to Misha, but visited our place almost every day. Hisao and I did... that a few times, and I did enjoy it more than the first time. Soon I was pregnant with our first child, Manna. Lilly was overjoyed, and came to help me every day.
When Manna was one year old, Hisao told his family and friends that he wanted to build two houses close to each other so he could live in one of them and rent out the other. Hisao begged his parents to receive a part of his inheritance early. I helped too, and put in the inheritance of my parents, and Hisao took out a loan to make up for the missing money.
Hisao bought an open plot of land somewhat remote from the city center, and had two houses built on them, adjacent to each other. It would be more proper to say it was a two-apartment building, with the apartments next to each other. An apartment building with two front doors, a purple one on the right and a yellow one on the left. After six months, the houses were completely finished, furnished and ready to move in.
And then, Hisao divorced me. Already, during the whole time we were together, he had felt something was missing... During my pregnancy and after, we never did that again. To apologize for leaving me and Manna, he gave the house he had built to me. He staid living in the place we had been living before. I moved into the apartment with the purple door. But the other apartment was still empty. So I decided to rent it out to Lilly. That way, she could help me take care of Manna as well.
Hisao kept on visiting me, but of course, after about one year the unavoidable happened. Hisao fell in love with Lilly and got married to her. They had no ceremony at all, they just gave in their papers at city hall like Akira had done.
It was very hard for me, but I decided to allow Lilly and him live to keep living in the apartment next doors. Hisao's parents asked him if it would be wise to go live next to his ex-wife, but he replied that he didn't have much choice. He felt guilty that he had left me alone with the child. He should take his responsibility in raising his daughter. And I am a broken person, who has problems dealing with the situation alone. And Lilly had already been gracefully helped taking care of Manna, despite her blindness, so it would be fine.
At least that's the story the story we told everybody...
I shake my head to clear those memories from my mind as a moving truck stops in front of the neighbor's yellow door.
Hisao gets out of the truck. The yellow door opens, and Lilly comes out. Hisao runs to her and embraces her, with the movers embarrassedly looking away, until the boss shouts at them to start unpacking. Hisao and Lilly tell the movers where to put everything. They unload the truck, and when they are finished they bow, and thank them for their services. Lilly enters the yellow door again. Hisao walks over to the purple door, my door, and opens it.
"How is Manna doing?" he asks.
"She's fine, sleeping in her room. She can sleep very well now, and doesn't wake up at all during the night. It's such a relief," I say.
"OK, good to hear that." He walks over me and kisses me on the mouth. I open my mouth and let my tongue fool around.
Suddenly a part of the wall slides open, and Lilly steps trough. "Did you two already start without me?" she says with her typical smile. I jump up from where I stand.
"Ah! Lilly! Even though I've lived here for a long time, I'm still surprised at how well-hidden that door is!" I say.
"Sorry to startle you, Hanako! But you know, the secret door between the bedrooms is hidden even better even," she says and winks at me.
Unable to restrain myself anymore, I throw myself into Lilly's arms. She's startled a bit, but I start crying as I shout "Lilly! I-It's finally over right? These terrible four years? This terrible charade we had to play?"
"It will never be completely over. We'll always have to pretend that Hisao an I are the happy couple, and that you are just the ex-wife we are taking care off out of pity. We probably won't be able to tell our children until they grow up," Hisao says. He joins in our hug, embracing us from the back.
"We will have to keep the secret," he says, "but at least we can be together, and love each other without reproach from society. Our children have a chance to a bright future too." And I cry tears of relief and happiness whilst the two of them hug me. Finally I manage to calm down a bit.
"Thank you Hisao, thank you Lilly for coming up with such a plan," I say.
"No," says Lilly, "thank you, Hanako, for keeping up with it. It was so hard for us, it must have been very hard for you too."
"Yes it was, but I could make it because I love you both! I love you!", I say, and kiss Lilly on her lips.
Behind me I hear Hisao chuckling a bit. "Manna is sleeping, so now would be a a good time for us all to to go into the Japanese style room."
"Yes, I've been waiting eight years for this...! Now that Hisao and I are married, I can't wait to consummate our wedding... with your help of course!" Lilly winks.
"I-I'm also very impatient," I say with a smile. I do not feel strange or ashamed. I feel overcome with desire, excitement, pleasure and joy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So here it is then, "Scarred Angel", Gold Edition! All comments welcome, but I hope you will enjoy it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scarred Angel
Part 1
I can see the sights of spring around while I ride my car. Some late blooming cherry blossom trees spread their pink branches to the sky. I see the dazzling sunlight from the rising sun pour down on the hills. I slow down and park my car in the car park of Yamaku High. As I look at the school gates, suddenly I am overcome with memories of the past years. When I first came to this school, I was angry at myself, and angry at the world. But I met two people who reminded me what it was like to be loved. And I learned how to love them as well.
First I met Lilly, a beautiful blonde girl, blind since birth. She could not see my scars, so I found it a bit easier to talk to her than to other people. She was so unselfish, always placed other people's needs before her own. Yet, she did not see me as someone pitiable. I relied on her, but I could feel that often she relied on me too. While she seemed to have many friends, none of them seemed really close to her. I think that she was sometimes feeling... lonely. Yet she was always gently smiling, as if she did not have a problem in the world...
Yet one night, when had our usual evening tea party together. Lilly was sitting on the bed, when something unexpected happened. She accidentally let a tea cup slip from her fingers. The shards scattered over the floor. Then she suddenly started to cry. As her tears flowed out, she told me her secrets, her sadness. How she missed her family, and yet also felt upset at them. How there was no one she could rely on but her sister and me. How glad she was that I was there for her.
And over and over she said that she loved me. I held her in my arms and, not knowing how to comfort her, I kissed her, my lips trembling. First on her forehead, then on her cheeks, and then finally on her lips. And then I shyly confessed my feelings to her as well. Then she kissed me too, over and over. She felt my body,and started to take off my night gown. I did not resist. Then she took off her own pajamas.
Her hands caressed my damaged skin, and my bare breasts. After a while, she slid her hands over my body, and took off my panties. Then she also took off her own underwear, and we laid down on the bed together. And we kissed, we hugged, we held each other tightly, arms and legs entwined. I did not feel strange or ashamed. I felt overcome with desire, excitement, pleasure and joy. I was just happy to be with her. Even though I still hated myself, and could not let anyone else but her come close to me. I loved Lilly.
Then I met Hisao Nakai, a new transfer student who, I learned later, had a severe heart problem. At first I was really afraid of him. But gently and shyly he entered my heart. I remember those tender days when we would drink tea and play chess together. Already then I fell for him, even though I did not know him well. At first, our relationship was difficult because Hisao saw me as someone to protect. After I had a panic attack, and spent my birthday in my room, I could feel him slipping away from me. When he showed me his scar, I knew that I had to do something urgently. So I decided to give him... everything.
When I felt the time was right, I took him to my room. I showed him all of myself... and gave my body to him. We laid down on my bed together. He played with me, rubbed me, and... entered in to me. I felt strange and ashamed. I felt overcome by fear, by pain, by sadness and by grief. But despite all that, I was happy to be with him. The next morning was awkward, but when we met later that day at the fountain, we told each other what was on our minds, and broke down in tears. Then I knew that Hisao and I finally had understood each other. We could finally open up and talk to each other honestly. And I kissed him for the first time. I loved Hisao.
What a beautiful summer it was, those days. We talked, we laughed, we kissed. Our love became stronger and stronger. But there was a shadow over our happiness. Lilly was becoming more reserved. I knew that she did that out of consideration for Hisao and me. And of course, we did not spend any nights together in her bed anymore. Soon after that, Lilly was summoned by her family to go live with them overseas. Neither Hisao nor I wanted her to go, but she seemed determined to go back. She said wanted to go there for her parents' sake.
I thought something felt strange about her leaving Japan, and Hisao thought the same. Yet, we did nothing to convince her to say. The day after she left Yamaku, Hisao and I met and talked about Lilly. We ended up crying in each other's arms. We both realized how much we would miss Lilly. Then, we decided we had to do something. We called a taxi and raced to the airport. What foolish teenagers we were. Of course, we ended up in a terrible traffic jam. When we came to the airport, the airplane carrying Akira and Lilly had already left. The only thing we got out of it was a huge bill from the taxi company.
After Lilly arrived in Scotland, we did stay in touch by phone and by mail. There was some good news soon after they left. Akira came back to Japan for a short time. Her boyfriend had agreed to go live with her in England. For legal reasons, they got married. They merely went to city hall to give in the wedding form and receive their wedding license. But Lilly did not come along with her sister. It's then that we realized Lilly was growing more distant from us.
Still, in her letters, Lilly urged us to think about the future, to focus on our studies, and she would do the same. She had decided to become an English teacher and would go study at a prestigious English university. She was right of course, and Hisao and I too started thinking about our future. For Hisao, pretty soon it was clear that he wanted to become a science teacher. Also he decided to start working out and take better care of his health, so I would not have to worry too much about that.
I thought about my future long and hard. While I like working alone, and I'm good with computers, I still felt worried about Hisao's condition. I wanted to be able to help him if his heart ever go him into problems. And not only him, I felt that I could become more confident if I could also help other people. So I decided to become a nurse.
Of course, we would have to go to different universities, so I was worried that Hisao and I would grow distant from each other, and that I would also loose my other friend, my other love. However, on the day of the graduation, after I had received my diploma, he took me back to the tea room where we had spent so much time together. There he gave me a ring, and asked me to marry him. I was overjoyed, and of course, I accepted.
Like that we were engaged, but we decided to postpone our wedding until we both graduated. And we also postponed our... wedding night. We loved each other and enjoyed hugging and kissing each other. But that time in my room was the only time we did... that. Hisao still felt somewhat ashamed for the way he went at it. I hadn't had the courage to show myself again to him like that. So we promised to wait until we both had grown up, until he had become my husband, and I had become his wife.
We started our studies, and the years crawled by. In the beginning studying to be a nurse was hard on me. I had to bind up my hair, so my scars were plain in sight to everybody. Sometimes, I had to hide in the linen room and call Hisao on the phone when I felt a panic attack coming. Sometimes I was bullied by some of the other students who felt I didn't belong.
When I started my internship in the burns ward, some patients didn't want to have anything to do with me. But there were also patients, usually those in a dire situation, who found it easier to talk to me than to anyone else of the medical staff. It was probably because they because they felt I would understand their situation better. Soon, people started calling me the "Scarred Angel". The bullying stopped. Finally, my colleagues respected me, but I felt they also somewhat feared me...
My light in those difficult days was Hisao. I called him every day, and whenever I felt I could not stand it anymore. We met each other in the holidays, talking, holding hands, kissing, hugging. He too found it hard to live without me. He told me of his loneliness and his desire for me. And each time, I felt that I longed for him more and more as well. It's true that absence makes the loving heart go fonder. Yet, we persevered. We kept going at our studies, and stuck to our promise.
It's a lie that time heals all wounds. I kept in touch with Lilly, but by then, I only sent a letter every three months and called her just as sporadically. I heard that her English studies were going well, but she didn't seem to want to talk about personal matters anymore. I was sad at this. The longer she was away from me the more I missed her. I could not believe that she had abandoned me.
When I talked about Lilly to Hisao, he told me he also missed her. He thought he also believed that Lilly probably had her own reasons, since she would never truly abandon her friends. I know it was unreasonable, but such thoughts kept me believing in Lilly. Even against all hope, I kept on loving her, even though there seemed to be no way she would return to me.
And then, this year, we both finally graduated. Hisao and I decided that we'd like to go somewhere we could both find work. But after looking for months, we were unable to find anything suitable. Then, out of the blue, Shizune Hakamichi, a former student president council and classmate at Yamaku, contacted me. She had not gone to college, but started her own business after graduating from high school. In the time it took for us to graduate, she had already become a millionaire, and a benefactor of Yamaku. She had heard I and Hisao had graduated, and wanted to so something to make up for the clumsy way she'd been meddling with our lives while we were in high school.
At first, I thought she had taken pity on me, and I didn't want her to pull strings on our behalf. But she told me I had it wrong. Nurse was going to leave the school and go work at a research hospital. So the school needed a new nurse. And the school had expanded due to her generous donations, so they needed an extra science teacher as well. Shizune thought it would be best if two ex-Yamaku students accepted these positions, and that's why she had tried to contact me. My heart jumped at those words. Finally Hisao and I would be able to work together, live together, and get married. So after I talked with Hisao, we both agreed to come back to work at Yamaku High.
I walk though the gate. Today is the day when the teachers come back from their holidays, and start preparing for the new school year. That is still one week off though, so the school grounds are still mostly abandoned. When I enter the nurse's office, Nurse is there, waiting for me with the same grin he had so many years ago. We greet with a bow, but there is no time for small talk. We immediately start to discuss the job, the students, and the cases I will have to take care of. It's already near lunch time when he finishes his explanations.
"That should be enough to get you started," he says. "I'm glad to see you have grown into such a fine woman. I trust you will be able to handle this, but call me on this number whenever there is something you want to ask me."
"What about today's appointments?" I ask.
"Since today is your first day, I have to instruct you properly during the whole day. So I canceled the few appointments I had. I asked the students not to come unless there is an emergency. And also, you don't have to go introduce yourself to your colleagues yet. So please take it easy for today," he says.
"Oh, you should not have!" I bow in thanks.
"No, it's nothing. I wouldn't want to wear you out on your first day at work. Besides I think someone you want to meet who will be coming here soon," he winks.
"Y-Yes, thank you very much," I say as my face colors red. I bow again more deeply.
He simply bows back and leaves without another word, grinning even wider.
I shift through the files and reread them, but I can't focus very well... Hisao. I feel like I am getting excited just thinking about him. It's true, I have become a woman now. Often I long for Hisao, I want him to be with me and... Now, it's even worse because we haven't met in a month or so. We want to build a house to go live together once we get married, but we decided to live separately for now until the big day. Like that, we will not be tempted to break our promise...
I cover my scar with my hand in embarrassment, as I feel my head getting completely red... No, not like this! I must be serious on my first day at work! I can't be daydreaming about such things! And also Hisao... he should be here any minute now. Today he is also starting here as a science teacher. Mutou must by now have finished lecturing him on the fine details of his work. I smile a bit at the thought. Then I hear a knock on the door. My heart skips a beat.
"C-come in!" I say.
Slowly the door opens, and a blond lady with a cane steps in. She closes the door behind herself.
"I heard the school has a new nurse, so I thought I'd pass by to introduce myself," Lilly says as she bows deeply with elegance. "I am Lilly Satou, and I will be the new English teacher. I hope you will take good care of me."
"L-Lilly? Lilly!" I shout as I jump up from my chair. "H-How? W-Why?" I say as I start crying.
"Hanako, is that you? Then Shizune must have..." Lilly starts crying too. It takes a few moments before she collects herself. "Well, I think I have to apologize to you, Hanako. I do owe you an explanation," she says, with a sad smile on her face.
Then, there is another knock on the door.
"Hisao?" I shout.
"Yes, Hanako, can I come in?" he answers.
No, not now! Not like this. I can't...
"Lilly, please follow me and lie down here. We can't... let him know just yet," I whisper. Lilly looks puzzled for an instant, but then nods quietly.
I put her down on the bed and close the curtain. Then I walk over to the door.
"I'm sorry H-Hisao, I-Ihaveapatienttotakecareof!"
"Oh," I hear for behind the door. "I see! Well, then I'll come back this afternoon."
"O-OK," I reply.
Then I hear his footsteps walk away, and I sigh in relief. I walk back to the bed and open the curtain. Lilly sits up and I go sit next to her.
"Well, at least now I will have a lot of time for that explanation," she says and smiles a bit sadly.
And I start crying again.
Part 2
I can hear the sounds of spring around me as I ride the bus. The singing birds joined with the the gurgle of the engine. I feel warm sunlight on my face. I smell sharp exhaust fumes, mixed with the sweet and floral scents of the season. As the bus rocks me to and fro, I start to reminisce on the path that has taken me here. The path that now will finally return me to Yamaku High.
When I first came to this school, I thought it was the best possible arrangement for my sister and my family. I met many people in Yamaku, and got along well with most of them. But I felt I could not confide in anyone, except my sister. And her work kept her occupied, so there weren't many times we could really talk. Still, I did not want anyone to worry about me. I never had a thought about my own needs. But in this school I met people who taught me that I also have my own feelings and desires. And I learned how to truly love others.
First I encountered Hanako. When I addressed her, her shy voice trembled in reply. But soon, we were talking to each other every day. She allowed me to touch her face, on which the scars of the past still remained. Hanako was not someone who liked people, but I felt she was fiercely loyal to me. I knew that I could tell her what was on my mind. Still, I did not want to trouble her too much. I wanted to support her as a friend ought to.
Then I had to move to the Yamaku dorms, so I had even less chance to meet Akira. The student council came tumbling down on me due to Shizune's obstinacy. I missed my parents, but in the darkest recesses of my mind, I felt a repressed discontent, an anger. Were Akira and I nothing but inconveniences to them? Nothing but pawns on the chessboard of business? But I could not think like that for long. I convinced myself that they loved me. That it was hard for them due to their disability. So I resolved to be strong. I could take care of myself, and no one would have to worry about me.
It was a lie. I don't know why that cup slipped from my fingers, but as it crashed, I realized it. I was lying to myself and I started to weep. I felt embarrassed to trouble Hanako so much, but she came to me and comforted me. My mouth started whispering, speaking, shouting, and could not stop overflowing with the song that my heart was full of. Then, Hanako's trembling lips shyly pressed on mine.
I could no longer reign in my own passions. Before I realized it, my hands caressed her body and stripped off her clothes... My desire for her was too strong. I pushed her down on the bed, and put my tongue in her mouth. I held her down, and rubbed my deepest secrets against hers until my body overflowed with waves of satisfaction. I felt strange and ashamed. But, I was overcome with excitement, pleasure and joy. I was just happy to be with her. I loved Hanako.
After that night, I never talked about it with Hanako again. And she never mentioned it either. I thought she must have been too embarrassed to talk about what I did to her. But despite our mutual silence, our relationship remained the same. Did she really forgive me so easily for what I did to her that night? I still felt guilty for what I had done, but I was thankful that she did not hold it against me.
Then I met Hisao. While he was also a timid boy, I could sense right away he was a very kind soul. He spent a lot of time with Hanako and me. I enjoyed his company, as did Hanako. Soon, I felt that the two of them had fallen in love with each other, without themselves even noticing it. I was overjoyed. Hanako would have a chance at a happy life, a happy love with Hisao. So I promised myself that I would do all in my power to make sure that Hisao and Hanako would be happy together. I owed her that much to make up for the way I had used her that night. I knew I could not interfere directly, but with my sister's help I was able to bring them closer. We set up some meetings, and I even went as far as to slip some protection into Hisao's pocket.
Normally I would not use such tactics, but I knew Hisao was a serious boy. I felt that if he made love to Hanako, he would most likely stay with her and marry her. Then Hanako would live a happy life with Hisao. At least, that is how I lied to myself. I was such a lustful girl... Alone, in bed, I would often touch myself and think about Hanako, and the things I did that night. And I would think about Hisao... and how I wanted him to also do such things to me!
I do not know how such a thing was possible. I loved Hanako, and wanted to be with her. But I also wanted to take her place and be the one who Hisao loved, the one he would make love to. I imagined that if I told Hanako and Hisao about my feelings for both of them, then the three of us could live together, as lovers. But I knew such a thing was against all decency and common sense. So I staid quiet and determined to keep my promise to myself. Still, I loved Hisao.
I was a bit worried when I visited my family in Scotland. I could not be there when Hanako's birthday was coming up. I worried that there would be problems between her and Hisao. When I met my family again after all those years, I was happy to see them, and yet... something was bothering me. It turned out they were summoning Akira and I to come live with them.
I realized I was disgusted with myself. I had promised myself to help Hanako to make up for hurting her. But that was a lie. I was filled with selfish desires. I knew that eventually I would not be able to control my passions. Already at that time, I wasn't a prude. I was mostly comfortable with my own sexuality. But I was still thinking about other people's desires first. I was convinced that it was due to my high libido that I had caused harm to Hanako. So I decided that in ordered to avoid such problems in the future, I would had to suppress such feelings.
Because of my strong feelings for Hisao and Hanako, I was convinced that if I staid in Japan, I would lose control over myself. Eventually I would have sex with one of them, which would break the two of them apart. So, I decided to accept my family's summons and go live overseas. I would take care of my parents. Even if it meant I would have to live far away from the two people I loved the most. I thought that this was the punishment I deserved for being so selfish and sexually aggressive.
Soon after I returned to Yamaku, I heard good news. Hanako and Hisao had become girlfriend and boyfriend. I was truly happy when I heard that, and yet, I was sad since I knew that my role as mediator had come to an end. I told them that I would return to Scotland. They tried to talk me out of it but I remained adamant. I could not tell them, but I felt I would only be a danger to their future happiness.
Then, not long before before I left Yamaku, I met Hisao alone by chance. It was outside in the school's grounds. It must already have been dark because I felt the chill of the evening breeze on my skin and smelled the odors of the night. Hisao begged me to think of myself, and of my own happiness. He had understood that going to Scotland was not what I really wanted. I broke down in tears, and he softly hugged me, to comfort me... And then, while I felt his warmth against me, and while I inhaled his manly smells, my passion woke again. I took his face in my hands, caressed his lips, and kissed him, long and passionately...
Then I broke his embrace, and shouted at him that I loved him. And that that was the reason why I had to leave. That I would break his happiness with Hanako if I stayed. I begged him to take good care of Hanako, and to forget about me, to forget about that kiss too. I implored him to never mention it to Hanako or anyone else, to let me go and not follow me. And I ran off, stumbled, fell and pulled myself up again, as I soiled and scratched my hands, until I made it back to my room. I wept, but I had told Hisao the truth. He loved Hanako, so he would understand that there was no other way than for me to leave.
And then I left, and went to live with my family. When I heard about the failed stunt that Hanako and Hisao had pulled, I wondered why they did such a thing, but I also felt relieved that they hadn't made it. For if they had, I would probably have lost my resolve. Akira, though, felt impressed. She realized that she could not live without her boyfriend. Against my parents wishes, she went back to Japan to marry him, and took him with her to Scotland. She was worried about me too, and I think she had expected me to come along with her, to make up with the two of them. But I refused because I knew what would happen... Instead I stayed in Scotland, and asked Hisao and Hanako to focus on their future.
I decided to do the same. After I graduated high school, I went to study English. I heard from Shizune that Hisao and Hanako had gotten engaged. I felt relieved and happy for them. At least, that's what I thought then. But still, I missed them, both of them. It must have been obvious that I was having problems adapting to my new life. Akira and her husband tried to cheer me up as much as possible. But I could not be completely honest with them. Even Shizune and Misha, Shizune's boisterous former class mate at Yamaku, would try to comfort me in their own way when they came over for business.
Slowly the years passed by. I kept in touch with Hanako and Hisao, but I still felt like intruding on them. I ended up only writing them and called them at their birthdays or similar occasions. In college, I was well liked, and made many new acquaintances. But I kept them at an arm's length. Then, there was Billy Yates. He was in the same college as me, and seemed to have been smitten with my graces. He was a spoiled son of a wealthy industrial. Someone who thought that lusting for a blind woman was an act of pity. He was everything I disliked in a man.
He was nothing like Hisao, or Hanako. I kept Billy at bay. I could not forget my two loves. In my dreams, I could still hear their voices, smell their smells, and feel their caresses. Dreams of desire, guilt, and love. Looking for guidance, I read many books, religious books, books on ethics and philosophy. I learned that in the past, and even today, in some countries, sometimes a man would marry two or more wives. Of course, I could not allow myself to hope such things, but still, it made me wonder...
Finally I graduated from university. On the day I returned home, my parents were waiting for me. But they were not alone. They told me that at my age I should think of getting married. They wanted to introduce to someone who they thought could take good care of me. Someone who could help me in managing the family's business. But I already knew him. Yates. For four years I had managed to keep him at bay, but it seemed that he now had gone for a more backhanded approach.
I realized that it was true what Akira had told me so many times. Our parents did love us in their own way. But they were blind to our needs. They were too focused on wealth and material gain to understand the importance of emotions. They thought that if I married a wealthy man it would be enough for me to be happy. They were used to a life full of luxury and affluence, and didn't think much of such useless things like romance, or honest feelings.
For the first time in my life, I lashed out in anger. I slung the most horrible insults I could think of at Yates and at my parents. I desperately stumbled out of their house, called my sister, and begged her to come. My parents came after me and tried to persuade me, but I refused to listen to them. I now clearly knew why I was angry at them, and why I had to leave them. Not a moment too soon, Akira came and took me out of there.
That is how I ran away from my parents. But I had no where to go. I could not stay in Scotland. But still, I did not dare to return to Japan either. I broke down in tears, right there in Akira's car. I told her everything, even what I had done to Hanako. She simply replied that she knew of a way to solve my problem, and she would take me there. We got out of the car, Akira guided me, and we entered an office. Form Akira's conversation, I understood where we were. A travel agent's.
I protested, but Akira insisted that I should stop running away from my problems. That I should trust my two friends because they cared for me. That I finally should follow my own feelings and desires for once. I remembered what Akira had done, how happy she seemed after she had gotten married. I realized she was right. At least, I should go back and meet the two of them one more time, and tell them both what was on my mind. Perhaps they would not forgive me, but I owed them at least an explanation for why I suddenly abandoned them like that.
Akira bought me ticket to Japan, helped me renew my passport and gave me some money. But still I had no place to stay. However she reassured me that someone had also taken care of that. She had contacted a mutual friend who had just the thing. I wasn't too sure what to think of it, but I went along with it. When I arrived in Japan, an air hostess helped me to leave the airplane and guided me towards the exit. As soon as we stepped though the hissing sliding doors between the customs and the arrival hall, I heard a loud voice, a roaring laughter I hadn't heard in years. Misha had come to pick me up. Shizune wasn't there, as she was occupied, but she had arranged a place for me to stay. Near Yamaku. The school had expanded thanks to Shizune's donations and they needed a new English teacher.
At first I was a bit upset at Shizune's and Akira's manipulations but I had to admit that it was a good solution for my problem. I would be able to work and stay in Japan, and live as independently as possible. Maybe I could even meet Hanako and Hisao from time to time. And Misha was also starting in Yamaku as a sign language teacher at the same time as I. While in high school I didn't get along with her because of Shizune, I was glad to see that Misha had become more independent and had also made her own way in life. I was looking forward to having her as my colleague. So I decided to give it my utmost and enjoy my new job and my new life.
"Next stop, Yamaku High," the bus driver says helpfully.
"Wahaha~! Looks like this is our stop! It will be so much fun!" Misha says.
Shizune set up in adjacent appartments. Misha's car broke down, so today we're taking the bus. Today is our first day at work. Misha guides me though the gates.
"Today, I'll show you around the new building. You'll be teaching there, so you should know your way around" she says.
"But should I not go introduce myself to my seniors?" I ask.
"WAHA~! It's fine, most of them are busy now with preparing for the new schoolyear. There will be time for introductions in the afternoon. And while we're on the topic, there's a new nurse who's also starting out together with us. I think you'll probably want to go introduce yourself to her first. WAHAHAHA~!" I'm puzzled at that last remark, but Misha already put my hand on the the entrance door the new building.
"Well, then let me see what this building is like," I say with a smile.
"Wahaha~!" Misha laughs at my joke.
The new building turns our to be rather large. Apart from the elevators, it is build in the spirit of Yamaku. It's more like a normal building than an environment to coddle the pupils. First Misha accompanies me. Then I begin to walk around alone, as I probe the empty hallways, feel my way around the classrooms, and listen to the echoes of the surroundings. Finally I have memorized the lay out of the building to the finest details. I feel my watch, and it turns out I had to spend most of the morning to do so.
I go back to the new building's teacher's room where Misha had been waiting for me. Before I enter, I can hear her talk on the phone.
"Wahaha~! So, you're done then! OK, I'll send her over. Yes, See you!".
I enter. "Sorry, I should not listen in to your conversations," I concede.
"No, it's fine, it was about you anyway. You see, Nurse... AHAHA~, I mean the old Nurse has finished instructing the new nurse. She's all alone now, so now is a good time to go introduce yourself!"
"Ah, so it's like that? Well then, I'll go over there to meet her," I say.
"You can find the way yourself right?" Misha says.
I nod.
"OK, then I'll be heading to the old building's teacher's room. Please don't hurry for me. Just relax and have fun. Wahaha~!" she says.
I bow, and take my leave of her. A new nurse, and another young lady too? Who knows, she might become a new friend? Becoming a teacher at Yamaku may turn out better than I had hoped! I make my way to the Nurse's office, and knock on the door.
"C-come in!" I can't hear it very well though the door, but is that... No, that's impossible. I smile, open the door, and enter.
"I am Lilly Satou, and I will be the new English teacher. I hope you will take good care of me," I say as I bow.
"L-Lilly!!? L-Lilly" a familiar voice says. Is that... Hanako? Hanako! And before I'm able to say anything else, I start to cry.
Part 3
I look outside the window. I see the sights of spring. Some late blooming cherry blossom trees spread their pink branches to the sky. I see the dazzling sunlight from the rising sun pour down on the hills. I think back of the last four years. So much has happened, but finally, I will be able to say goodbye to the sadness those years brought me.
Our first problem was solved so simply. Lilly explained to me what had happened back then, and why she had returned. How unsure she still was. She asked me for forgiveness for that night. I was a bit surprised she did, because I thought was the one who had taken the initiative, and I was actually happy that she had accepted my feelings and had done such wonderful things to me. I told her as much, and convinced her that she should not blame herself. Lilly was very relieved and from that day she didn't feel guilty anymore about that night.
I was even a bit miffed that she had been trying to protect me from herself all this time. I don't need that! But more importantly, I was very happy that she had returned to me. We confessed to each other, and decided to tell Hisao the truth. Silently embracing each other, we waited until he came back. At first he was as surprised as I had been, when he saw us huddled together like that. But when we talked about him in all honesty about the past and our feelings, he smiled.
Just one honest conversation between the three of us. That was all it took for us to confess our feelings to each other. Hisao's feelings had been the same, but he had been unsure if he could mention it to me or Lilly. I and Lilly loved each other, and we both loved him, and that made him happy. If we were not jealous, then he would he would also love the both of us. Even if it was against all morality and common sense. He would look for a way for us to be together.
Shizune had concocted her plan together with Akira, but she didn't know the details. She just wanted to help us in some way. Still, we sent her a thank you letter with a photo of the three of us and Misha, as well as a present to thank her for her kind help. The school year started, and we worked together in the same school as teachers.
There were still many things that worried us. Japanese society will not accept a relationship as ours. And the conservative family law would also have caused us problems. More so because both Lilly and I wanted to have Hisao's child. We even had our fertility tested to see if it would be possible to have children, so we could plan accordingly. All of us were fit to conceive, so we had to think carefully about our future children's future. We would have to take care that our children would not be seen as illegitimate. We were worried that they would be bullied or discriminated against because of us.
And also, there were Hisao's and Lilly's family to think about. Lilly was already living in discord with them and we didn't want to make that worse. And we did not want to estrange Hisao's parents either. While Akira was completely thrilled about the three of us getting together, she agreed that we could not tell anything to Hisao's or Lilly's parents. The shame would be too great, and Lilly and Hisao might even be disinherited.
As we looked into various ways in which we could live together with the three of us, we realized that there would be no way to do that without people gossiping behind our backs. No matter how much we loved each other, they would brand us as immoral. We were working in a school, so our jobs and the reputation of Yamaku could be at risk. So there seemed to be no workable solution. That's why we decided that it would be best I married Hisao after all. Lilly was sad, but she also agreed that it would be the best solution.
We had a small, low key ceremony, and went to live together in an apartment not far from where Lilly and Misha lived. Lilly kept living next door to Misha, but visited our place almost every day. Hisao and I did... that a few times, and I did enjoy it more than the first time. Soon I was pregnant with our first child, Manna. Lilly was overjoyed, and came to help me every day.
When Manna was one year old, Hisao told his family and friends that he wanted to build two houses close to each other so he could live in one of them and rent out the other. Hisao begged his parents to receive a part of his inheritance early. I helped too, and put in the inheritance of my parents, and Hisao took out a loan to make up for the missing money.
Hisao bought an open plot of land somewhat remote from the city center, and had two houses built on them, adjacent to each other. It would be more proper to say it was a two-apartment building, with the apartments next to each other. An apartment building with two front doors, a purple one on the right and a yellow one on the left. After six months, the houses were completely finished, furnished and ready to move in.
And then, Hisao divorced me. Already, during the whole time we were together, he had felt something was missing... During my pregnancy and after, we never did that again. To apologize for leaving me and Manna, he gave the house he had built to me. He staid living in the place we had been living before. I moved into the apartment with the purple door. But the other apartment was still empty. So I decided to rent it out to Lilly. That way, she could help me take care of Manna as well.
Hisao kept on visiting me, but of course, after about one year the unavoidable happened. Hisao fell in love with Lilly and got married to her. They had no ceremony at all, they just gave in their papers at city hall like Akira had done.
It was very hard for me, but I decided to allow Lilly and him live to keep living in the apartment next doors. Hisao's parents asked him if it would be wise to go live next to his ex-wife, but he replied that he didn't have much choice. He felt guilty that he had left me alone with the child. He should take his responsibility in raising his daughter. And I am a broken person, who has problems dealing with the situation alone. And Lilly had already been gracefully helped taking care of Manna, despite her blindness, so it would be fine.
At least that's the story the story we told everybody...
I shake my head to clear those memories from my mind as a moving truck stops in front of the neighbor's yellow door.
Hisao gets out of the truck. The yellow door opens, and Lilly comes out. Hisao runs to her and embraces her, with the movers embarrassedly looking away, until the boss shouts at them to start unpacking. Hisao and Lilly tell the movers where to put everything. They unload the truck, and when they are finished they bow, and thank them for their services. Lilly enters the yellow door again. Hisao walks over to the purple door, my door, and opens it.
"How is Manna doing?" he asks.
"She's fine, sleeping in her room. She can sleep very well now, and doesn't wake up at all during the night. It's such a relief," I say.
"OK, good to hear that." He walks over me and kisses me on the mouth. I open my mouth and let my tongue fool around.
Suddenly a part of the wall slides open, and Lilly steps trough. "Did you two already start without me?" she says with her typical smile. I jump up from where I stand.
"Ah! Lilly! Even though I've lived here for a long time, I'm still surprised at how well-hidden that door is!" I say.
"Sorry to startle you, Hanako! But you know, the secret door between the bedrooms is hidden even better even," she says and winks at me.
Unable to restrain myself anymore, I throw myself into Lilly's arms. She's startled a bit, but I start crying as I shout "Lilly! I-It's finally over right? These terrible four years? This terrible charade we had to play?"
"It will never be completely over. We'll always have to pretend that Hisao an I are the happy couple, and that you are just the ex-wife we are taking care off out of pity. We probably won't be able to tell our children until they grow up," Hisao says. He joins in our hug, embracing us from the back.
"We will have to keep the secret," he says, "but at least we can be together, and love each other without reproach from society. Our children have a chance to a bright future too." And I cry tears of relief and happiness whilst the two of them hug me. Finally I manage to calm down a bit.
"Thank you Hisao, thank you Lilly for coming up with such a plan," I say.
"No," says Lilly, "thank you, Hanako, for keeping up with it. It was so hard for us, it must have been very hard for you too."
"Yes it was, but I could make it because I love you both! I love you!", I say, and kiss Lilly on her lips.
Behind me I hear Hisao chuckling a bit. "Manna is sleeping, so now would be a a good time for us all to to go into the Japanese style room."
"Yes, I've been waiting eight years for this...! Now that Hisao and I are married, I can't wait to consummate our wedding... with your help of course!" Lilly winks.
"I-I'm also very impatient," I say with a smile. I do not feel strange or ashamed. I feel overcome with desire, excitement, pleasure and joy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
. It's basically the same story you posted back then and