Sad Hanako in Snow
Posted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 3:04 am
A light breeze causes the naked branches outside my window to rattle like wooden windchimes. In the summer, the deciduous trees outside my window provided a beautiful green canopy, shading my room from the harsh summer sun. But now, in late winter, the bare branches appear stark and black against the overcast winter sky. Flakes of powdery snow are gathering upon the grass, shrouding the world in a silent blanket.
I take another sip of my hot tea. Even inside my room, with the building's heater going, the winter's chill still penetrates. I have to admit to feeling rather jealous of Kenji, who is fortunate enough to own a kotatsu. Unfortunately, even if I were brave enough to pay a visit for him, I'm not nearly patient enough to spend time listening to his rants simply for the chance to warm up my legs and feet. In the meantime, I make do with an electric teakettle and warm socks.
I turn away from my window and back to my books. I've been trying to study for an hour, but haven't made much progress. I keep getting distracted. I keep returning to my window and looking out at the snow. . .
. . . ah.
The snow.
Now I think I know what's bothering me. I'm not going to get any studying done like this, at any rate.
I turn off my desk lamp and go to my closet. Pulling out my favorite winter overcoat and a scarf, I leave my dorm room behind.
-----
I step out of the building and into the snow. Soft, white flakes settle into my hair and the shoulders of my overcoat. A breeze causes my ears to sting, and I exhale sharply, causing my breath to fog the chill winter air.
The snowfall is thickening. Where once the flakes fell sparsely and slowly, now large, fat flakes of snow are drifting to the ground at a faster rate. As I walk through the quad, I am very aware that I am the only person out walking in this weather. Most students prefer to go indoors, through the buildings' heated corridors - a necessity in a school where many students might be in wheelchairs or use crutches.
I feel rather like the last man on earth. Turning away from the school itself, I can imagine myself walking through an endless, snowy wilderness. Only the snowflakes falling from the sky mark the passage of time in this place. Their slow descent upon the school grounds make time feel like it has slowed to a crawl.
"Hisao?"
A voice calls out. The rustling of dry snow underfoot interrupts the quiet mood. Someone approaches me from behind, and I recognize the owner of that soft, gentle voice instantly. It's a voice I've listened to hundreds of times.
I turn to face this voice, the voice of my dreams, and I smile.
"Hanako. What are you doing out here?"
My girlfriend looks beautiful out here in the snow. Her usual school uniform has been accentuated with long black tights instead of her usual sheer pantyhose, and she's wearing a heavy, dark brown coat and a blue-grey muffler as well. Flakes of snow settle upon her dark hair, swept over her right eye, as she gives me a sweet, happy smile that makes me feel relaxed and at peace.
"I saw you out my window. So I thought I'd walk with you," Hanako says.
"I'd like that," I say to her.
I extend my arm, and she takes it in her own, hugging it close to me. As we walk, the wind picks up, stirring the branches and causing them to sprinkle the snow heaped upon them onto the earth below. It sounds like tinkling bells to my ears. Hanako flinches against the gust of wind as it catches her hair and blows it away from the right side of her face. But the wind soon subsides, and her tense body relaxes as the chill and the cold subside as well.
"Are you okay?" I ask her.
"A little cold, b-b-but I'll manage. What about you?"
I lift my chin and look up into the overcast winter sky, into the falling snow.
"Remember how I told you about how I had my first heart attack?" I ask.
"Yes. A girl confessed to you. . ." Hanako's voice trails off.
"Yeah," I admit. "It was. . . a day like this one. A quiet, snowy day. I guess I'm feeling a bit nostalgic."
Her hand snakes into my pocket and clasps mine. Her cool, chilled fingers interlace with mine as I look up into the winter sky.
". . . it was snowing on the day that my house burned down," Hanako says, at long last.
"I didn't know that."
"I didn't tell you. It's one of the few things I remember. I went to sleep looking at the snow falling outside my window. And when I woke up again, there was fire inside my home." Hanako's hand claps mine tightly. "A few weeks later, I went back to where my house had been. The main thing I remember was that all of the blackened beams were covered with snow."
Her trembling, I know, isn't just from the cold.
So I guess I'm not the only one who has bad memories of the winter.
. . .
Well, forget that.
I let go of her hand and drop down to my knees. Picking up a big handful of snow, I start to pack it together into a snowball. The icy chill stings my fingers, but I don't care. Hanako seems to notice what I'm doing, and she smiles as she helps me to pack together the snow to form a second, smaller snowball.
It takes a bit of time, and the sun is getting low in the sky by the time we finish. I have to stop a couple of times to blow on my chilled hands, when they start getting numb from handling the wet, cold snow. But when we're finished, there are two small snowmen sitting side by side on top of a large rock.
"There's something missing," I point out, "but I'm not sure what."
"I know," Hanako says.
She rummages around in the snow until she finds what she's looking for. Then, taking the small twig that she found, she uses it to draw a heart with a bandage on it over the body of the larger snowman on the left side. Then, taking that same twig, she draws a series of parallel lines all along the right-hand side of the smaller snowman.
". . . yeah," I say. "That's perfect."
I sit down on the bench across from our artistic creations. Hanako and I sit together and watch the snow fall for a while.
The world around me - the canopy of bare branches, the dull winter sky, Hanako sitting next to me - has never looked so beautiful before. As I close my eyes, I am lulled into peacful contentment the sound of Hanako's gentle breathing and the whisper of the wind rustling the bare branches high above.
I take another sip of my hot tea. Even inside my room, with the building's heater going, the winter's chill still penetrates. I have to admit to feeling rather jealous of Kenji, who is fortunate enough to own a kotatsu. Unfortunately, even if I were brave enough to pay a visit for him, I'm not nearly patient enough to spend time listening to his rants simply for the chance to warm up my legs and feet. In the meantime, I make do with an electric teakettle and warm socks.
I turn away from my window and back to my books. I've been trying to study for an hour, but haven't made much progress. I keep getting distracted. I keep returning to my window and looking out at the snow. . .
. . . ah.
The snow.
Now I think I know what's bothering me. I'm not going to get any studying done like this, at any rate.
I turn off my desk lamp and go to my closet. Pulling out my favorite winter overcoat and a scarf, I leave my dorm room behind.
-----
I step out of the building and into the snow. Soft, white flakes settle into my hair and the shoulders of my overcoat. A breeze causes my ears to sting, and I exhale sharply, causing my breath to fog the chill winter air.
The snowfall is thickening. Where once the flakes fell sparsely and slowly, now large, fat flakes of snow are drifting to the ground at a faster rate. As I walk through the quad, I am very aware that I am the only person out walking in this weather. Most students prefer to go indoors, through the buildings' heated corridors - a necessity in a school where many students might be in wheelchairs or use crutches.
I feel rather like the last man on earth. Turning away from the school itself, I can imagine myself walking through an endless, snowy wilderness. Only the snowflakes falling from the sky mark the passage of time in this place. Their slow descent upon the school grounds make time feel like it has slowed to a crawl.
"Hisao?"
A voice calls out. The rustling of dry snow underfoot interrupts the quiet mood. Someone approaches me from behind, and I recognize the owner of that soft, gentle voice instantly. It's a voice I've listened to hundreds of times.
I turn to face this voice, the voice of my dreams, and I smile.
"Hanako. What are you doing out here?"
My girlfriend looks beautiful out here in the snow. Her usual school uniform has been accentuated with long black tights instead of her usual sheer pantyhose, and she's wearing a heavy, dark brown coat and a blue-grey muffler as well. Flakes of snow settle upon her dark hair, swept over her right eye, as she gives me a sweet, happy smile that makes me feel relaxed and at peace.
"I saw you out my window. So I thought I'd walk with you," Hanako says.
"I'd like that," I say to her.
I extend my arm, and she takes it in her own, hugging it close to me. As we walk, the wind picks up, stirring the branches and causing them to sprinkle the snow heaped upon them onto the earth below. It sounds like tinkling bells to my ears. Hanako flinches against the gust of wind as it catches her hair and blows it away from the right side of her face. But the wind soon subsides, and her tense body relaxes as the chill and the cold subside as well.
"Are you okay?" I ask her.
"A little cold, b-b-but I'll manage. What about you?"
I lift my chin and look up into the overcast winter sky, into the falling snow.
"Remember how I told you about how I had my first heart attack?" I ask.
"Yes. A girl confessed to you. . ." Hanako's voice trails off.
"Yeah," I admit. "It was. . . a day like this one. A quiet, snowy day. I guess I'm feeling a bit nostalgic."
Her hand snakes into my pocket and clasps mine. Her cool, chilled fingers interlace with mine as I look up into the winter sky.
". . . it was snowing on the day that my house burned down," Hanako says, at long last.
"I didn't know that."
"I didn't tell you. It's one of the few things I remember. I went to sleep looking at the snow falling outside my window. And when I woke up again, there was fire inside my home." Hanako's hand claps mine tightly. "A few weeks later, I went back to where my house had been. The main thing I remember was that all of the blackened beams were covered with snow."
Her trembling, I know, isn't just from the cold.
So I guess I'm not the only one who has bad memories of the winter.
. . .
Well, forget that.
I let go of her hand and drop down to my knees. Picking up a big handful of snow, I start to pack it together into a snowball. The icy chill stings my fingers, but I don't care. Hanako seems to notice what I'm doing, and she smiles as she helps me to pack together the snow to form a second, smaller snowball.
It takes a bit of time, and the sun is getting low in the sky by the time we finish. I have to stop a couple of times to blow on my chilled hands, when they start getting numb from handling the wet, cold snow. But when we're finished, there are two small snowmen sitting side by side on top of a large rock.
"There's something missing," I point out, "but I'm not sure what."
"I know," Hanako says.
She rummages around in the snow until she finds what she's looking for. Then, taking the small twig that she found, she uses it to draw a heart with a bandage on it over the body of the larger snowman on the left side. Then, taking that same twig, she draws a series of parallel lines all along the right-hand side of the smaller snowman.
". . . yeah," I say. "That's perfect."
I sit down on the bench across from our artistic creations. Hanako and I sit together and watch the snow fall for a while.
The world around me - the canopy of bare branches, the dull winter sky, Hanako sitting next to me - has never looked so beautiful before. As I close my eyes, I am lulled into peacful contentment the sound of Hanako's gentle breathing and the whisper of the wind rustling the bare branches high above.