'Consolation Prize'
Posted: Wed Aug 06, 2008 10:13 pm
Now and then I end up fixating myself on something completely out of the blue. Then I add something here. Then something there. And so on, and so forth. THIS is the result when the process makes a spirited attempt to run away on me. :3
The fapping mob can search the page for 'deliciously', but please stay out of sight afterwards.
Storycodes: emi hi rin yu
CONSOLATION PRIZE
---
The hubbub and press of the crowd is stifling.
Yet another time, I push my glasses up. Trying to find a specific face in the people around me for is like playing the three-shell game... but with a hundred shells.
Sighing, I ask myself what I am doing. I don't get very many days off, much less during holidays, I should be enjoying myself rather than spend time looking for him.
I mean, I can't waste my LIFE looking around, now can I?
I square my shoulders and determinedly start walking in a random direction. I'm going to browse the festival, eat something good, see the sights, maybe play a game or two...
...Oh, that boy almost looked like him from the back...
I find my walk has unconsciously slowed, then stopped.
'I'm such an idiot.'
Saying it out loud in the middle of this many people who are not paying any attention to me whatsoever feels both embarrassing and like an overdue confession.
Can't help it though. Regardless of how stupid it sounds, one year later I'm STILL looking for him. Seto Kenji, my vanished boyfriend.
What is it that makes two people belong together? Well scratch that, I don't think I'm cut to be a discoverer of great existential answers... but what was it that made me and him belong together?
So many months later, I'm still none the wiser about an answer to that. I've become an expert about the loneliness, the missing him, and the hoping against hope that he'll reappear with a perfectly reasonable motive for him skipping out on me instead.
*bomph*
'Ooof...?'
The collision happens out of nowhere. With all these people strolling about, one would think nobody would try to run around as it's next to impossible to avoid bumping into passerbys.
...Which is in hindsight what just happened, only the obstacle demonstrating that is me.
A short blonde girl is looking up at me, face nearly framed inbetween my breasts. She looks sheepish, but not embarrassed as I think I'd be were our roles reversed.
'Whoops. Sorry, sorry! I was kinda, uh... not looking where I was going, exactly. And so... um.'
She apologizes, taking a step back and scratching her head with a rueful grin. She is wearing one of the school's uniforms and has a pair of pigtails that, combined with her figure, make her seem to be in her early teens.
'Er... no harm done, but you should really be a little more careful.'
'Aheheheh, I guess I should, shouldn't I? But I was looking for my, um, friend, and I guess I got distracted looking around instead of forward. Sorry again. Hey, you're a visitor... how'd you like our festival?'
The sudden subject switch, as well as what she just mentioned, throw the proverbial monkeywrench in my mental gears. She's looking for someone too...
While I make politely confused noises and try to figure the odds of two people looking for two more stumbling into each other, she proudly charges on without seeming to need my input.
'It's great, isn't it? We all worked really hard on our projects. Well, I didn't work on any one project. But I helped with lots of them! Which is about the same, I think. Ah, I know!'
Smacking her little fist in her open hand with an air of sudden inspiration, she beams at me.
'Would you like me to help you finding your way around? I don't have anything special to do anyways, well at least until I find my friend, that is, and I think it's the least I can do to make it up for me bumping into you.'
I feel some sort of weird affinity with this energetic young girl, even though it's just through the one single thing we have in common. The similarities stop here, though, since we are as different as we can possibly be... and I'm envying a little her decisiveness and apparent drive.
'Well... you know, I think that would be nice.'
She grins and thrusts her hand in front of me.
'That's decided then. I'm Emi, Ibarazaki Emi, pleased to have bumped into you, so to speak.'
'Oh, I'm Shirikawa Yuuko. Likewise. Or, pleased to have you bump into me... or... um.'
'So what do you want to do, Yuuko?'
I want to find my boyfriend.
The words come to the front of my mind unbidden, but I don't utter them.
I... don't think I could talk about Kenji with this girl now. On the one hand, I just... want to be the only one looking for him, as though involving others would cheapen my search. It's an odd thing to express in words. And on the other hand, even though it's rather pathetic, I'm afraid of losing to her if she succeeds in finding her friend.
'I want to get a candied apple.'
I didn't pick a COMPLETELY prosaic excuse, at least. I think.
'Right. One candy stall, coming right up!'
***
We have been wandering through the festival for a while now.
Emi has been unloading a steady stream of chatter, with me trying to keep up as best I can. Among all the small talk, I found out that she's only a couple years younger than me, despite her looks. I also found out that her lower legs are prosthetic, which is unbelievable considering the speed and pull she demonstrates when in her enthusiasm she accidentally tows me around.
Aside from her talkativeness, I'm losing the conversation war because I'm eating as we stroll. Emi has been looking hungrily at the food displayed in the stalls and going in my mouth, but has refused all my offers except for a couple small snacks - which have been devoured with frightening speed once she got her hands on them. Maybe she's on a diet.
Anyway, she's been distracting me, but not enough for my mind not to nag me about Kenji from a small dark corner inside my skull... and not enough for me to stop scanning the people walking around, either.
In turn, I have noticed her peering at faces as well; probably she thinks that I'm engrossed in taking in the festival sights and that she can manage both being a guide and her own interest. Me being her 'responsibility' now is likely the only thing preventing her from getting completely distracted, and running into someone again as a result.
So, here we are, two persons bound only by chance and a temporary show of courtesy, drifting aimlessly through this particular moment...
MY drifting gets close to making me stumble into Emi when she stops dead in front of me, for no particular reason I can see. I stop very close to her back, getting the takoyaki I was munching on out of the way.
'Eeep!'
...And promptly dropping them to the side, to be stepped on and trampled by a tide of feet. Why oh why can't I be a little bit more graceful?
Nothing of this makes Emi react, though. She might as well have become a carven stone statue, like a victim of a modern-day Medusa. Which is silly, since she was Greek, and mythical, and long-dead anyway because of that Perseus fellow, and...
Ahem.
'Something wrong, Emi?'
Easier, simpler, and less prone to me going on study-related tangents. But still getting no response. I bend down to her eyelevel, looking in the same general direction as her.
Nothing wrong I can see. People, school grounds, more people, some big blocky building from which I can hear bits and pieces of music, garishly-painted stalls, some more people...
From my low vantage point, I hear a sigh from Emi.
I adjust my glasses and watch more carefully. Well, she seems to be watching a cherry tree under which two students, a rangy boy and a vaguely strange-looking redhaired girl, are sitting in preparation to having a late lunch, going from the looks of the food spread in front of them.
'Ah... Yuuko, I think I'll take you up on your offer, if it still stands.'
'What, you're hungry? Well, sure...'
'Good.'
With no further ado, she turns in a different direction and starts dragging me through the milling people, despite my feeble protests.
It doesn't take long before we find ourselves in front of a stall. This one doesn't serve food though, but some sort of punch, from the looks of the large quarter-full crystal bowl set right in its middle.
'Here.'
'Oh, so you're thirsty? Okay then. Two, please.'
The girl running the stall gives me an once-over but doesn't actually ask me for ID. Some of the bowl's contents are slopped into two paper cups, money changes hands, and two drinking straws later, we're all set.
Sipping experimentally at the drink, I find out that it's a rather high-alcohol version. It's not bad at all though, very tasty in fact.
'Mm, good. Emi, you... picked...?'
She's discarded the straw outright and is chugging down the whole thing in gulps. I can only stare as a few seconds later, it's all gone.
'Um, Emi?!'
'Aaaahh~! That really hit the spot!'
She seems to notice only now that I've barely touched mine.
'Ooops. Oh no, how careless of me. Now I can't keep you company. Uh, would it be terribly pushy if I asked you for another one?'
'Emi. I'm not that stupid, you know.'
She flinches and bows her head at my sharp tone, twisting her fingers together like, well, a scolded schoolgirl.
'...Sorry. Please? I'll pay you back right now. I can't get it on my own, she won't sell to students.'
She timidly looks back up at me with sadly pleading green eyes. What the hell's gotten into her?
As I wonder about that, suddenly things click and they make sense.
'I don't have anything special to do anyways, well at least until I find my friend'
she stops dead in front of me, for no particular reason I can see.
two students, a rangy boy and a vaguely strange-looking redhaired girl,
I hear a sigh from Emi.
Oh.
OH.
I don't think I have to worry about losing the boy-finding contest anymore. Oh dear.
'Excuse me, one more please.'
Turning away from the puzzled-looking stall clerk, I wag my forefinger sternly at Emi.
'Just the ONE. Are we clear on that?'
She sniffles a little and nods.
***
I thought I was going to avoid this, but clearly I didn't take a few things into account.
'Hehehee~! This ish GOOD!'
Emi probably doesn't weigh fifty kilos soaking wet. I can tell, now that I'm supporting her as we try to walk around the main building.
'Itsa. Like a. Thingy. Twr-irls around.'
And she refused to eat anything before. I guess she wanted to do lunch with her friend.
'A, a, a, CARUSHEL! Thassit.'
She might also be a cheap drunk in the bargain. Add to that two cups of alcohol, and we get... this. Lovely.
'Spinny~! D'yu like it too, Yuuuko?'
Then again, I wouldn't have had the heart to refuse her in the first place, so I suppose the point is moot.
'If its this fun, Iwanna try out one of those you men... men...shioned too! Hmmm, a... wrench!'
THIS one makes me blink. Stopping in our tracks, I process through the current version of Emispeak.
'You mean, a Screwdriver?'
'Yeees, of course. Same ting.'
I sigh. Had somebody asked me my plans for the day earlier, I'd certainly NOT have mentioned 'taking care of a drunken highschool student while ducking through crowds'.
But it's partly my fault she's in this state, since I indulged her. And I really feel sorry for her, considering the way her search has come to a bad end. Hard to believe, but right now my state of uncertainty makes me feel lucky.
I shift my grip on Emi's arm, and try to direct our wobbling progress. Getting her to move was not easy, taking care to dodge the teachers complicated things a bit, and I think I'll scream if I have to apologize for being in people's way one more time. Now that a halfway quiet, out of the way spot is finally in sight, maybe I can let my guard down...
'Oi, Yuuuko, can I have sum more kick?'
...Once you have her figured out, it's not that hard.
'You mean punch, and no you can't. Be a good girl and come along.'
'Awwww.'
Fortunately she's not a surly drunk. Feeling a little short of breath, I finally gratefully collapse into a sitting position, along with her.
The nook we've come to is neither very tidy nor very clean, but it will work just fine for hiding Emi until she recovers. And with any luck, since it's not exactly a picnic spot, we'll remain undisturbed...
'Sho Yuuko?'
'Hmm?'
'You're realli really ni... kind, you know.'
'Ah... don't mention it.'
'No, I must. Yu're being a better friend than... than...'
Emi's inanely grinning face rearranges itself, one feature at a time, into an exaggerated expression of anger. It's like seeing the Comedy mask morphing into Tragedy.
'...than HER.'
'Um...'
'What's her businessh, stealing boys from me? Huh? Huh?'
Bonus points to me for figuring things out correctly earlier. We might be entering 'surly drunk' territory here, though, which sets off alarm bells.
Emi's shoulders droop, and she sighs heavily.
'But naw, I dunno if issall her fault, ecks... ekx... really. I mean, I dint really push, you know? Maybe I'd be wif Hisao now if I had.'
She hugs her knees, sets her chin on them, and stares moodily at nothing.
Relieved at her not blowing up, I leave things be and quit trying to think for awhile. I've drunk one cup of that punch too, and what with all the commotion, getting some rest sounds very good.
The waves of festivalgoers ebb and flow just out of our sight, preventing silence from forming but not echoing too loudly in the afternoon air. Minutes pass with neither of us saying anything.
*SMASH*!
The sound of glass shattering like a bomb is twice as shocking for that. I flinch away, not understanding immediately what just happened, and Emi screams.
Shards plink against the walls, falling spent. Who the HELL would drop such dangerous stuff from the upper floors, especially when there's so many people around? I have a mind to...
...Emi is crying.
'Oh damn... Emi? Emi, are you hurt anywhere?'
She shakes her head while sobbing and holding her hands up to her face, and I feel immediate relief.
'Yuuko~! Iwanna go home... IwannagoHOME!'
'Shh, shh, it's all right, it's all right. Okay, we can do that. Where is your room? Can you stand?'
I hug and pat her in reassurance, and after a little bit she manages, weeping like a lost soul all the while. We depart this spot and the gazes of concerned bystanders, stepping around the ruin of a dropped bottle.
***
'My head hurts.'
'...Well you DID drink too much.'
From under the arm thrown over her eyes to shield them, Emi offers no protest.
She cried all the way to her room, through the door, and a good while after collapsing on her bed too. I don't know how much of that was reaction over the falling-bottle incident and how much her letting out her disappointment, but these are the first coherent words she has said since.
'Hey, Yuuko.'
'Hmm?'
'Thanks. Again, I mean.'
She reaches over with her other hand to give me a pat where I'm sitting on her bed.
'Ah... don't mention it. I couldn't just leave you all alone, now could I?'
I realize my bad choice of words only when it's too late.
'...Yes. Yes you could, but you didn't.'
Emi's voice has gone quieter.
'Hey, Yuuko?'
'Yes, what is it this time?'
'Do you have a boyfriend?'
Wha?
'Um... yes and no. It's complicated.'
'Oh. Complicated... er, like what?'
She seems to be over her troubles, at least enough to want to know.
'Well, you see, we haven't seen each other for... some time.'
'How come...?'
'I don't really know myself. He just disappeared one day, and I haven't heard from him since.'
There, it's done. I have finally confessed it outright to someone, even if it's someone I hardly know and will never see again. ESPECIALLY as it's someone I hardly know and will never see again. Sharing it makes me feel oddly light.
'I've been looking for him, but I have had no luck so far. We didn't part on bad terms, or with any sign of trouble in sight at all, so I refuse to believe he has just... upped and gone.'
Dammit, it sounds like I'm justifying myself, where it's not what I want... I believe in Kenji, he hasn't done that! But the words refuse to come out right.
'So... yeah. See, Emi, you shouldn't get discouraged either. I mean, you can meet your friend anytime and try hard. You're so energetic, the odds are in your favor. If I can resist, you can do it too!'
'...'
Oh gods I'm babbling. I went too far. She doesn't need pep talks from a stranger.
'...'
'I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... um... Sorry! Sorry!'
'...'
I wince as she refuses to speak with me. Did I make her cry again? It doesn't seem like I did...
'Er, Emi? Please say something?'
'...'
Oh.
I let my breath out in a long exhalation. She fell asleep! Bless her for being bored out of her skull by my rambling, I don't have to worry about having embarrassed myself or hurt her anymore.
I think I overstayed my welcome though. That was too close. Quietly now...
*tug*
Huh?
Oh, the hand she had on me before. Well, pulling away gently... or prying her off gently, rather...
*grab*
'Yeek!'
I muffle my yelp to a squeak as Emi grabs hold of my arm in her sleep and pulls it to her rather possessively.
Oh GREAT. Am I supposed to be a hug toy now? I try to disengage myself again, less carefully than my previous attempts.
That gives two results: one, Emi hangs on tighter, and she's quite strong considering her diminutive size.
And two, she whimpers like a kicked puppy.
...Heavens. I'm such a pushover. Hug toy duty it is, then. At least she's so tiny that I can get somewhat comfortable in her bed as well.
What an odd day. Well, once she wakes I'll be on my way, probably in time for dinner or something.
***
'Mmm...'
Slowly and deliciously, I wake up. Kenji is at my side, sleepily half-draped on me. I haven't felt this good in a long time, even though my feet are cold.
I turn and lean into him, wanting to look into his sleeping fa-
Cold feet turn to freezing and the feeling climbs all over my body as I gaze into Emi's green intent eyes from a few inches.
'Wha- wha- what...?'
'Um... hello, Yuuko. Did you sleep well?'
The memories of the last few hours snap back into me like a released elastic, and my situation makes sense. Except for one thing...
'Nevermind how I slept. What the hell do you think you're doing?'
'Uhh... hugging you?'
Well, maybe technically. But I suspect an outside observer would have called that 'fondling my breast'. Also I notice she doesn't have her artificial legs on anymore, and she has what's left of her natural one set right over mine.
'I thought we were agreed on me not being that stupid?'
Her face falls, and she turns her 'hug' into a real one.
'I'm sorry. I, I thought...'
'You thought that you could feel me up while I was asleep?'
'NO! I thought, um...'
Her voice dropped into inaudibility after that, and she's holding onto me harder than before.
'Okay... okay. What were you thinking?'
'...I thought that you might like it...'
'EH?'
'Please hear me out? I was confused when I woke up, but I remembered feeling really safe while I slept and I almost freaked out when I found you sleeping beside me but I thought that maybe you didn't mean anything by it, but then I also remembered bits of what we were talking about when I passed out and I wasn't sure of anything anymore but I thought that maybe I should take a chance and try to do something nice for you since you've been so nice to me even though we barely know each other, and I so much wanted to have SOMEBODY liking me that I went overboard and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...'
She ducks her head down in embarrassment muffling her apologies, but I have caught the gist out of the flood.
My mind is in turmoil by now, for several reasons. Part relief at nothing having happened, part guilt at reacting sharply when I DID lie down with Emi even though it wasn't entirely by my choice, part pity for the poor confused girl beside me... and part confusion at the happiness I felt not waking alone in a cold bed.
Sleeping alone for a year can make one hungry for companionship, but not THAT hungry... surely?
Feeling sorry for someone can't shift one's perceptions THAT much... can it?
Emi lifts her face, sniffling a little, and looks sadly at me.
'...I guess you will be going then?'
At this point of decision, I don't have an answer. Spinelessly, I decide to not give one, and... see what happens. Even though I think I'm having a really bad idea.
I just sigh and stay there. Emi blinks a few times in puzzlement.
'Um, Yuuko?'
I avoid looking at her directly. That way, I can pretend. Maybe I've been pretending too much too long already, but I can't help it.
Emi seems to get over her doubts, and tentatively, oh so tentatively, tries moving her hand to my breast again.
Her touch is light but not insecure. She knows as well as I do that I'm not going to break.
Hearthened by my lack of protest, Emi massages me through my clothing, looking happier by the minute.
Turning a little further on her side again, she places her leg over mine, shifting her thigh against my jeans in an attempt to rub herself against me, or viceversa. That doesn't work very well, for me at least, since the stiff denim works as well as armor.
...Her caresses are having more of an effect though. I squirm a little bit against the feeling, even through my clothes. Emi notices, and decides to up the stakes.
With her small hand, she easily slips through the gaps between my blouse buttons and gets... closer to me, so to speak.
And I feel the difference. I have to lift my arm to cover my eyes, in a mirror of Emi's pose from earlier, to keep pretending I'm not involved at all, that it's all happening to someone else.
'Hum, Yuuko... please tell me if I do something wrong.'
How can I tell you when I don't know myself? I want to smile, but I can't.
That was a prelude to Emi trying something different again. She straddles me (she's light. she's so light) and one at a time, as though waiting for a command to stop, she pops the buttons of my blouse open.
Once that is taken care of and it's open, she starts again. With both hands. And what's more, she resumes her rubbing again. This time, she has better leverage.
My breathing is... starting to deepen a bit. I don't know what I'll do if this keeps up. I don't know what I'll do if this stops. I don't know.
Emi knows. Taking pains to not scratch me, she shifts my bra's straps enough to push it down and free my breasts... not completely, but enough.
When she puts her little palms on again, I can't suppress a shiver that has nothing to do with the temperature.
Getting a peek at her face, I see she's a little flushed, but even more, she is smiling like she's thoroughly ENJOYING this. Which seems weird. I'm the one getting all the attention...
...but she's the one doing everything, and that seems to satisfy her. Caressing, tweaking, and pinching gently, she takes her time.
TOO much time. I want more. I want better. I want? I want.
Half an hour or two seconds later, she bends down to kiss my nipples lightly.
I should scream at her that it's high time, but it's all happening to someone else. So I bite my lower lip, and hide.
*zzzip*
Where did time go? When did Emi start sucking instead of kissing, when did she put a hand down my panties, no she's doing that just now, it's hard to keep things in order with my eyes squeezed closed, and, and...
I lose. I open my eyes and her head is right there in front of me, blonde pigtails tickling my skin, breath playing on my skin, sweat popping out on my skin (that must taste salty).
And now that I've lost I don't care anymore, so I move, hug her, tumble her on her back with a yelp of surprise.
'...AH! Yuuko?!'
'It's not right that I should get all the attention.'
My breath is coming out heavily, and I don't want to let the tide I'm starting to feel go down to nothing, so the clothing ends up flying right off both of us, Emi giggling all the time and trying to help while I mutter darkly under my breath at buttons and hooks.
Now we're both down to panties and minor details, and I like the happily mischievous look Emi has on her face. I hug her full-length (well I'm longer) feeling skin against skin, hiding behind eyelids not a problem anymore, slicking one against the other.
'...Aren't you going back to, uh, work?'
I must have sounded really petulant, but Emi chuckles a little breathlessly and dives right back in on my breasts. Her fingers tickle their way down my stomach, past my bellybutton, and quest behind my waistband... until they find the beginnings of my damp curls.
There she stops, feeling around a little. I don't know if she's uncertain or teasing, but at this point I don't want to mess around much anymore (oh yes I do).
I mirror her move, but sliding my own hand down her front unceremoniously. When I make contact with her sparse hair, I don't pause and go for the prize.
Emi's little gasp as my fingers touch the wet lips inside her panties makes me happy.
Her getting the idea after me putting in a few rubbing strokes makes me happier. Hesitation gone, she gives back as well as she gets. Differently, since her fingers are so delicate, but no less enthusiastically.
The rising tide comes back, and slowly grows in force. With every move we make, skin on fire, our panting melding somewhere between us in a scalding cloud, we close our eyes (not hiding, no) and drive each other mad knowing what to do but not where to go, touching where seems better, giving getting pleasure feeling teasing kissing lips breasts hips grinding jumping climbing peaking...
...until one after the other, we tense up in a mockery of agony that couldn't be farther away from it. Emi goes first, she can't help it, much as she tries, but she doesn't quit when she does, and she makes sure (good girl) that I follow her along and then some.
***
Getting my clothes back on is proving to be a chore. I swear Emi's room is full of little nooks and crannies, and we must have hit most of them with amazing precision when we were throwing stuff hurriedly off.
'Yuuko?'
The first word spoken since, and it's my name. I suppose I should feel happy about this, but I don't.
'Yuuko, I was wondering...'
'No, Emi.'
I'm not even looking her in the face. Back to hiding again.
'It's better if I go away, and we don't see each other anymore.'
'...Why? I didn't think you would want to, I didn't even think -I- would want to, but towards the end, I guess, um...'
I sigh. I hope this will go painlessly, but I don't even believe myself.
'Because this was... a mistake. I knew it was one even while I was making it, which makes me the one at fault, but doesn't change the fact. I'm sorry.'
'Was making me feel not unhappy... a mistake?'
She sounds hurt. So much for hopes.
'What were you feeling unhappy for?'
Answering a question with a question is unsatisfactory, but this time it seems to work. I hastily forge on before she can protest further.
'We both have someone else important to look for. This was... like getting sidetracked on the same path at the same time. Let's get back on the main track, and go our way.'
'Our SEPARATE ways, you mean.'
I steal a glance at her. She sighs, not looking at me in turn. Fair enough. Sitting bare and disheveled on her bed, she looks so young and tiny...
'At least let me...'
'Please, don't. It will just make things harder.'
She flops back on the bed at this, in that position with the arm shielding her eyes that has become so familiar during the last few hours. I'm starting to hate it already.
'Fine. Goodbye.'
It's not fine, but it has to be goodbye.
'Goodbye, Emi.'
Closing the door behind me, I walk through the empty dorms, step down into the fresh night air and back into the happy noise of the festival. The fireworks are just starting.
-SC
The fapping mob can search the page for 'deliciously', but please stay out of sight afterwards.
Storycodes: emi hi rin yu
CONSOLATION PRIZE
---
The hubbub and press of the crowd is stifling.
Yet another time, I push my glasses up. Trying to find a specific face in the people around me for is like playing the three-shell game... but with a hundred shells.
Sighing, I ask myself what I am doing. I don't get very many days off, much less during holidays, I should be enjoying myself rather than spend time looking for him.
I mean, I can't waste my LIFE looking around, now can I?
I square my shoulders and determinedly start walking in a random direction. I'm going to browse the festival, eat something good, see the sights, maybe play a game or two...
...Oh, that boy almost looked like him from the back...
I find my walk has unconsciously slowed, then stopped.
'I'm such an idiot.'
Saying it out loud in the middle of this many people who are not paying any attention to me whatsoever feels both embarrassing and like an overdue confession.
Can't help it though. Regardless of how stupid it sounds, one year later I'm STILL looking for him. Seto Kenji, my vanished boyfriend.
What is it that makes two people belong together? Well scratch that, I don't think I'm cut to be a discoverer of great existential answers... but what was it that made me and him belong together?
So many months later, I'm still none the wiser about an answer to that. I've become an expert about the loneliness, the missing him, and the hoping against hope that he'll reappear with a perfectly reasonable motive for him skipping out on me instead.
*bomph*
'Ooof...?'
The collision happens out of nowhere. With all these people strolling about, one would think nobody would try to run around as it's next to impossible to avoid bumping into passerbys.
...Which is in hindsight what just happened, only the obstacle demonstrating that is me.
A short blonde girl is looking up at me, face nearly framed inbetween my breasts. She looks sheepish, but not embarrassed as I think I'd be were our roles reversed.
'Whoops. Sorry, sorry! I was kinda, uh... not looking where I was going, exactly. And so... um.'
She apologizes, taking a step back and scratching her head with a rueful grin. She is wearing one of the school's uniforms and has a pair of pigtails that, combined with her figure, make her seem to be in her early teens.
'Er... no harm done, but you should really be a little more careful.'
'Aheheheh, I guess I should, shouldn't I? But I was looking for my, um, friend, and I guess I got distracted looking around instead of forward. Sorry again. Hey, you're a visitor... how'd you like our festival?'
The sudden subject switch, as well as what she just mentioned, throw the proverbial monkeywrench in my mental gears. She's looking for someone too...
While I make politely confused noises and try to figure the odds of two people looking for two more stumbling into each other, she proudly charges on without seeming to need my input.
'It's great, isn't it? We all worked really hard on our projects. Well, I didn't work on any one project. But I helped with lots of them! Which is about the same, I think. Ah, I know!'
Smacking her little fist in her open hand with an air of sudden inspiration, she beams at me.
'Would you like me to help you finding your way around? I don't have anything special to do anyways, well at least until I find my friend, that is, and I think it's the least I can do to make it up for me bumping into you.'
I feel some sort of weird affinity with this energetic young girl, even though it's just through the one single thing we have in common. The similarities stop here, though, since we are as different as we can possibly be... and I'm envying a little her decisiveness and apparent drive.
'Well... you know, I think that would be nice.'
She grins and thrusts her hand in front of me.
'That's decided then. I'm Emi, Ibarazaki Emi, pleased to have bumped into you, so to speak.'
'Oh, I'm Shirikawa Yuuko. Likewise. Or, pleased to have you bump into me... or... um.'
'So what do you want to do, Yuuko?'
I want to find my boyfriend.
The words come to the front of my mind unbidden, but I don't utter them.
I... don't think I could talk about Kenji with this girl now. On the one hand, I just... want to be the only one looking for him, as though involving others would cheapen my search. It's an odd thing to express in words. And on the other hand, even though it's rather pathetic, I'm afraid of losing to her if she succeeds in finding her friend.
'I want to get a candied apple.'
I didn't pick a COMPLETELY prosaic excuse, at least. I think.
'Right. One candy stall, coming right up!'
***
We have been wandering through the festival for a while now.
Emi has been unloading a steady stream of chatter, with me trying to keep up as best I can. Among all the small talk, I found out that she's only a couple years younger than me, despite her looks. I also found out that her lower legs are prosthetic, which is unbelievable considering the speed and pull she demonstrates when in her enthusiasm she accidentally tows me around.
Aside from her talkativeness, I'm losing the conversation war because I'm eating as we stroll. Emi has been looking hungrily at the food displayed in the stalls and going in my mouth, but has refused all my offers except for a couple small snacks - which have been devoured with frightening speed once she got her hands on them. Maybe she's on a diet.
Anyway, she's been distracting me, but not enough for my mind not to nag me about Kenji from a small dark corner inside my skull... and not enough for me to stop scanning the people walking around, either.
In turn, I have noticed her peering at faces as well; probably she thinks that I'm engrossed in taking in the festival sights and that she can manage both being a guide and her own interest. Me being her 'responsibility' now is likely the only thing preventing her from getting completely distracted, and running into someone again as a result.
So, here we are, two persons bound only by chance and a temporary show of courtesy, drifting aimlessly through this particular moment...
MY drifting gets close to making me stumble into Emi when she stops dead in front of me, for no particular reason I can see. I stop very close to her back, getting the takoyaki I was munching on out of the way.
'Eeep!'
...And promptly dropping them to the side, to be stepped on and trampled by a tide of feet. Why oh why can't I be a little bit more graceful?
Nothing of this makes Emi react, though. She might as well have become a carven stone statue, like a victim of a modern-day Medusa. Which is silly, since she was Greek, and mythical, and long-dead anyway because of that Perseus fellow, and...
Ahem.
'Something wrong, Emi?'
Easier, simpler, and less prone to me going on study-related tangents. But still getting no response. I bend down to her eyelevel, looking in the same general direction as her.
Nothing wrong I can see. People, school grounds, more people, some big blocky building from which I can hear bits and pieces of music, garishly-painted stalls, some more people...
From my low vantage point, I hear a sigh from Emi.
I adjust my glasses and watch more carefully. Well, she seems to be watching a cherry tree under which two students, a rangy boy and a vaguely strange-looking redhaired girl, are sitting in preparation to having a late lunch, going from the looks of the food spread in front of them.
'Ah... Yuuko, I think I'll take you up on your offer, if it still stands.'
'What, you're hungry? Well, sure...'
'Good.'
With no further ado, she turns in a different direction and starts dragging me through the milling people, despite my feeble protests.
It doesn't take long before we find ourselves in front of a stall. This one doesn't serve food though, but some sort of punch, from the looks of the large quarter-full crystal bowl set right in its middle.
'Here.'
'Oh, so you're thirsty? Okay then. Two, please.'
The girl running the stall gives me an once-over but doesn't actually ask me for ID. Some of the bowl's contents are slopped into two paper cups, money changes hands, and two drinking straws later, we're all set.
Sipping experimentally at the drink, I find out that it's a rather high-alcohol version. It's not bad at all though, very tasty in fact.
'Mm, good. Emi, you... picked...?'
She's discarded the straw outright and is chugging down the whole thing in gulps. I can only stare as a few seconds later, it's all gone.
'Um, Emi?!'
'Aaaahh~! That really hit the spot!'
She seems to notice only now that I've barely touched mine.
'Ooops. Oh no, how careless of me. Now I can't keep you company. Uh, would it be terribly pushy if I asked you for another one?'
'Emi. I'm not that stupid, you know.'
She flinches and bows her head at my sharp tone, twisting her fingers together like, well, a scolded schoolgirl.
'...Sorry. Please? I'll pay you back right now. I can't get it on my own, she won't sell to students.'
She timidly looks back up at me with sadly pleading green eyes. What the hell's gotten into her?
As I wonder about that, suddenly things click and they make sense.
'I don't have anything special to do anyways, well at least until I find my friend'
she stops dead in front of me, for no particular reason I can see.
two students, a rangy boy and a vaguely strange-looking redhaired girl,
I hear a sigh from Emi.
Oh.
OH.
I don't think I have to worry about losing the boy-finding contest anymore. Oh dear.
'Excuse me, one more please.'
Turning away from the puzzled-looking stall clerk, I wag my forefinger sternly at Emi.
'Just the ONE. Are we clear on that?'
She sniffles a little and nods.
***
I thought I was going to avoid this, but clearly I didn't take a few things into account.
'Hehehee~! This ish GOOD!'
Emi probably doesn't weigh fifty kilos soaking wet. I can tell, now that I'm supporting her as we try to walk around the main building.
'Itsa. Like a. Thingy. Twr-irls around.'
And she refused to eat anything before. I guess she wanted to do lunch with her friend.
'A, a, a, CARUSHEL! Thassit.'
She might also be a cheap drunk in the bargain. Add to that two cups of alcohol, and we get... this. Lovely.
'Spinny~! D'yu like it too, Yuuuko?'
Then again, I wouldn't have had the heart to refuse her in the first place, so I suppose the point is moot.
'If its this fun, Iwanna try out one of those you men... men...shioned too! Hmmm, a... wrench!'
THIS one makes me blink. Stopping in our tracks, I process through the current version of Emispeak.
'You mean, a Screwdriver?'
'Yeees, of course. Same ting.'
I sigh. Had somebody asked me my plans for the day earlier, I'd certainly NOT have mentioned 'taking care of a drunken highschool student while ducking through crowds'.
But it's partly my fault she's in this state, since I indulged her. And I really feel sorry for her, considering the way her search has come to a bad end. Hard to believe, but right now my state of uncertainty makes me feel lucky.
I shift my grip on Emi's arm, and try to direct our wobbling progress. Getting her to move was not easy, taking care to dodge the teachers complicated things a bit, and I think I'll scream if I have to apologize for being in people's way one more time. Now that a halfway quiet, out of the way spot is finally in sight, maybe I can let my guard down...
'Oi, Yuuuko, can I have sum more kick?'
...Once you have her figured out, it's not that hard.
'You mean punch, and no you can't. Be a good girl and come along.'
'Awwww.'
Fortunately she's not a surly drunk. Feeling a little short of breath, I finally gratefully collapse into a sitting position, along with her.
The nook we've come to is neither very tidy nor very clean, but it will work just fine for hiding Emi until she recovers. And with any luck, since it's not exactly a picnic spot, we'll remain undisturbed...
'Sho Yuuko?'
'Hmm?'
'You're realli really ni... kind, you know.'
'Ah... don't mention it.'
'No, I must. Yu're being a better friend than... than...'
Emi's inanely grinning face rearranges itself, one feature at a time, into an exaggerated expression of anger. It's like seeing the Comedy mask morphing into Tragedy.
'...than HER.'
'Um...'
'What's her businessh, stealing boys from me? Huh? Huh?'
Bonus points to me for figuring things out correctly earlier. We might be entering 'surly drunk' territory here, though, which sets off alarm bells.
Emi's shoulders droop, and she sighs heavily.
'But naw, I dunno if issall her fault, ecks... ekx... really. I mean, I dint really push, you know? Maybe I'd be wif Hisao now if I had.'
She hugs her knees, sets her chin on them, and stares moodily at nothing.
Relieved at her not blowing up, I leave things be and quit trying to think for awhile. I've drunk one cup of that punch too, and what with all the commotion, getting some rest sounds very good.
The waves of festivalgoers ebb and flow just out of our sight, preventing silence from forming but not echoing too loudly in the afternoon air. Minutes pass with neither of us saying anything.
*SMASH*!
The sound of glass shattering like a bomb is twice as shocking for that. I flinch away, not understanding immediately what just happened, and Emi screams.
Shards plink against the walls, falling spent. Who the HELL would drop such dangerous stuff from the upper floors, especially when there's so many people around? I have a mind to...
...Emi is crying.
'Oh damn... Emi? Emi, are you hurt anywhere?'
She shakes her head while sobbing and holding her hands up to her face, and I feel immediate relief.
'Yuuko~! Iwanna go home... IwannagoHOME!'
'Shh, shh, it's all right, it's all right. Okay, we can do that. Where is your room? Can you stand?'
I hug and pat her in reassurance, and after a little bit she manages, weeping like a lost soul all the while. We depart this spot and the gazes of concerned bystanders, stepping around the ruin of a dropped bottle.
***
'My head hurts.'
'...Well you DID drink too much.'
From under the arm thrown over her eyes to shield them, Emi offers no protest.
She cried all the way to her room, through the door, and a good while after collapsing on her bed too. I don't know how much of that was reaction over the falling-bottle incident and how much her letting out her disappointment, but these are the first coherent words she has said since.
'Hey, Yuuko.'
'Hmm?'
'Thanks. Again, I mean.'
She reaches over with her other hand to give me a pat where I'm sitting on her bed.
'Ah... don't mention it. I couldn't just leave you all alone, now could I?'
I realize my bad choice of words only when it's too late.
'...Yes. Yes you could, but you didn't.'
Emi's voice has gone quieter.
'Hey, Yuuko?'
'Yes, what is it this time?'
'Do you have a boyfriend?'
Wha?
'Um... yes and no. It's complicated.'
'Oh. Complicated... er, like what?'
She seems to be over her troubles, at least enough to want to know.
'Well, you see, we haven't seen each other for... some time.'
'How come...?'
'I don't really know myself. He just disappeared one day, and I haven't heard from him since.'
There, it's done. I have finally confessed it outright to someone, even if it's someone I hardly know and will never see again. ESPECIALLY as it's someone I hardly know and will never see again. Sharing it makes me feel oddly light.
'I've been looking for him, but I have had no luck so far. We didn't part on bad terms, or with any sign of trouble in sight at all, so I refuse to believe he has just... upped and gone.'
Dammit, it sounds like I'm justifying myself, where it's not what I want... I believe in Kenji, he hasn't done that! But the words refuse to come out right.
'So... yeah. See, Emi, you shouldn't get discouraged either. I mean, you can meet your friend anytime and try hard. You're so energetic, the odds are in your favor. If I can resist, you can do it too!'
'...'
Oh gods I'm babbling. I went too far. She doesn't need pep talks from a stranger.
'...'
'I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... um... Sorry! Sorry!'
'...'
I wince as she refuses to speak with me. Did I make her cry again? It doesn't seem like I did...
'Er, Emi? Please say something?'
'...'
Oh.
I let my breath out in a long exhalation. She fell asleep! Bless her for being bored out of her skull by my rambling, I don't have to worry about having embarrassed myself or hurt her anymore.
I think I overstayed my welcome though. That was too close. Quietly now...
*tug*
Huh?
Oh, the hand she had on me before. Well, pulling away gently... or prying her off gently, rather...
*grab*
'Yeek!'
I muffle my yelp to a squeak as Emi grabs hold of my arm in her sleep and pulls it to her rather possessively.
Oh GREAT. Am I supposed to be a hug toy now? I try to disengage myself again, less carefully than my previous attempts.
That gives two results: one, Emi hangs on tighter, and she's quite strong considering her diminutive size.
And two, she whimpers like a kicked puppy.
...Heavens. I'm such a pushover. Hug toy duty it is, then. At least she's so tiny that I can get somewhat comfortable in her bed as well.
What an odd day. Well, once she wakes I'll be on my way, probably in time for dinner or something.
***
'Mmm...'
Slowly and deliciously, I wake up. Kenji is at my side, sleepily half-draped on me. I haven't felt this good in a long time, even though my feet are cold.
I turn and lean into him, wanting to look into his sleeping fa-
Cold feet turn to freezing and the feeling climbs all over my body as I gaze into Emi's green intent eyes from a few inches.
'Wha- wha- what...?'
'Um... hello, Yuuko. Did you sleep well?'
The memories of the last few hours snap back into me like a released elastic, and my situation makes sense. Except for one thing...
'Nevermind how I slept. What the hell do you think you're doing?'
'Uhh... hugging you?'
Well, maybe technically. But I suspect an outside observer would have called that 'fondling my breast'. Also I notice she doesn't have her artificial legs on anymore, and she has what's left of her natural one set right over mine.
'I thought we were agreed on me not being that stupid?'
Her face falls, and she turns her 'hug' into a real one.
'I'm sorry. I, I thought...'
'You thought that you could feel me up while I was asleep?'
'NO! I thought, um...'
Her voice dropped into inaudibility after that, and she's holding onto me harder than before.
'Okay... okay. What were you thinking?'
'...I thought that you might like it...'
'EH?'
'Please hear me out? I was confused when I woke up, but I remembered feeling really safe while I slept and I almost freaked out when I found you sleeping beside me but I thought that maybe you didn't mean anything by it, but then I also remembered bits of what we were talking about when I passed out and I wasn't sure of anything anymore but I thought that maybe I should take a chance and try to do something nice for you since you've been so nice to me even though we barely know each other, and I so much wanted to have SOMEBODY liking me that I went overboard and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry...'
She ducks her head down in embarrassment muffling her apologies, but I have caught the gist out of the flood.
My mind is in turmoil by now, for several reasons. Part relief at nothing having happened, part guilt at reacting sharply when I DID lie down with Emi even though it wasn't entirely by my choice, part pity for the poor confused girl beside me... and part confusion at the happiness I felt not waking alone in a cold bed.
Sleeping alone for a year can make one hungry for companionship, but not THAT hungry... surely?
Feeling sorry for someone can't shift one's perceptions THAT much... can it?
Emi lifts her face, sniffling a little, and looks sadly at me.
'...I guess you will be going then?'
At this point of decision, I don't have an answer. Spinelessly, I decide to not give one, and... see what happens. Even though I think I'm having a really bad idea.
I just sigh and stay there. Emi blinks a few times in puzzlement.
'Um, Yuuko?'
I avoid looking at her directly. That way, I can pretend. Maybe I've been pretending too much too long already, but I can't help it.
Emi seems to get over her doubts, and tentatively, oh so tentatively, tries moving her hand to my breast again.
Her touch is light but not insecure. She knows as well as I do that I'm not going to break.
Hearthened by my lack of protest, Emi massages me through my clothing, looking happier by the minute.
Turning a little further on her side again, she places her leg over mine, shifting her thigh against my jeans in an attempt to rub herself against me, or viceversa. That doesn't work very well, for me at least, since the stiff denim works as well as armor.
...Her caresses are having more of an effect though. I squirm a little bit against the feeling, even through my clothes. Emi notices, and decides to up the stakes.
With her small hand, she easily slips through the gaps between my blouse buttons and gets... closer to me, so to speak.
And I feel the difference. I have to lift my arm to cover my eyes, in a mirror of Emi's pose from earlier, to keep pretending I'm not involved at all, that it's all happening to someone else.
'Hum, Yuuko... please tell me if I do something wrong.'
How can I tell you when I don't know myself? I want to smile, but I can't.
That was a prelude to Emi trying something different again. She straddles me (she's light. she's so light) and one at a time, as though waiting for a command to stop, she pops the buttons of my blouse open.
Once that is taken care of and it's open, she starts again. With both hands. And what's more, she resumes her rubbing again. This time, she has better leverage.
My breathing is... starting to deepen a bit. I don't know what I'll do if this keeps up. I don't know what I'll do if this stops. I don't know.
Emi knows. Taking pains to not scratch me, she shifts my bra's straps enough to push it down and free my breasts... not completely, but enough.
When she puts her little palms on again, I can't suppress a shiver that has nothing to do with the temperature.
Getting a peek at her face, I see she's a little flushed, but even more, she is smiling like she's thoroughly ENJOYING this. Which seems weird. I'm the one getting all the attention...
...but she's the one doing everything, and that seems to satisfy her. Caressing, tweaking, and pinching gently, she takes her time.
TOO much time. I want more. I want better. I want? I want.
Half an hour or two seconds later, she bends down to kiss my nipples lightly.
I should scream at her that it's high time, but it's all happening to someone else. So I bite my lower lip, and hide.
*zzzip*
Where did time go? When did Emi start sucking instead of kissing, when did she put a hand down my panties, no she's doing that just now, it's hard to keep things in order with my eyes squeezed closed, and, and...
I lose. I open my eyes and her head is right there in front of me, blonde pigtails tickling my skin, breath playing on my skin, sweat popping out on my skin (that must taste salty).
And now that I've lost I don't care anymore, so I move, hug her, tumble her on her back with a yelp of surprise.
'...AH! Yuuko?!'
'It's not right that I should get all the attention.'
My breath is coming out heavily, and I don't want to let the tide I'm starting to feel go down to nothing, so the clothing ends up flying right off both of us, Emi giggling all the time and trying to help while I mutter darkly under my breath at buttons and hooks.
Now we're both down to panties and minor details, and I like the happily mischievous look Emi has on her face. I hug her full-length (well I'm longer) feeling skin against skin, hiding behind eyelids not a problem anymore, slicking one against the other.
'...Aren't you going back to, uh, work?'
I must have sounded really petulant, but Emi chuckles a little breathlessly and dives right back in on my breasts. Her fingers tickle their way down my stomach, past my bellybutton, and quest behind my waistband... until they find the beginnings of my damp curls.
There she stops, feeling around a little. I don't know if she's uncertain or teasing, but at this point I don't want to mess around much anymore (oh yes I do).
I mirror her move, but sliding my own hand down her front unceremoniously. When I make contact with her sparse hair, I don't pause and go for the prize.
Emi's little gasp as my fingers touch the wet lips inside her panties makes me happy.
Her getting the idea after me putting in a few rubbing strokes makes me happier. Hesitation gone, she gives back as well as she gets. Differently, since her fingers are so delicate, but no less enthusiastically.
The rising tide comes back, and slowly grows in force. With every move we make, skin on fire, our panting melding somewhere between us in a scalding cloud, we close our eyes (not hiding, no) and drive each other mad knowing what to do but not where to go, touching where seems better, giving getting pleasure feeling teasing kissing lips breasts hips grinding jumping climbing peaking...
...until one after the other, we tense up in a mockery of agony that couldn't be farther away from it. Emi goes first, she can't help it, much as she tries, but she doesn't quit when she does, and she makes sure (good girl) that I follow her along and then some.
***
Getting my clothes back on is proving to be a chore. I swear Emi's room is full of little nooks and crannies, and we must have hit most of them with amazing precision when we were throwing stuff hurriedly off.
'Yuuko?'
The first word spoken since, and it's my name. I suppose I should feel happy about this, but I don't.
'Yuuko, I was wondering...'
'No, Emi.'
I'm not even looking her in the face. Back to hiding again.
'It's better if I go away, and we don't see each other anymore.'
'...Why? I didn't think you would want to, I didn't even think -I- would want to, but towards the end, I guess, um...'
I sigh. I hope this will go painlessly, but I don't even believe myself.
'Because this was... a mistake. I knew it was one even while I was making it, which makes me the one at fault, but doesn't change the fact. I'm sorry.'
'Was making me feel not unhappy... a mistake?'
She sounds hurt. So much for hopes.
'What were you feeling unhappy for?'
Answering a question with a question is unsatisfactory, but this time it seems to work. I hastily forge on before she can protest further.
'We both have someone else important to look for. This was... like getting sidetracked on the same path at the same time. Let's get back on the main track, and go our way.'
'Our SEPARATE ways, you mean.'
I steal a glance at her. She sighs, not looking at me in turn. Fair enough. Sitting bare and disheveled on her bed, she looks so young and tiny...
'At least let me...'
'Please, don't. It will just make things harder.'
She flops back on the bed at this, in that position with the arm shielding her eyes that has become so familiar during the last few hours. I'm starting to hate it already.
'Fine. Goodbye.'
It's not fine, but it has to be goodbye.
'Goodbye, Emi.'
Closing the door behind me, I walk through the empty dorms, step down into the fresh night air and back into the happy noise of the festival. The fireworks are just starting.
-SC