Katawa Shoujo Forums

Alright. Until I can figure out how to get this formatted so that it doesn't screw the board up, you can read this story at the following link. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9088316/1/T ... the-Mirror

Nice to see this continue. Definitely interested in what's up with Lilly.

Was a bit skeptical on how Marvel/KS would fit together but I'm liking this a lot =)
A bit more exposition would be nice, like how Shizune doesn't hear the knock but is able to converse with Hisao, whether it's sign language or a change to Shizune because of the superhero aspect of the story, etc. That's a bit nitpicky though since it could easily have been on purpose for reasons to be shown in the future, or just because I haven't yet read the first 2 fics in this series.

Anyway, looking forward to chapter 2!

You might put down a link to the first two parts of the story in your top post, or it will be very confusing for new readers...

I admit when you said you'd posted a draft and I saw just how much of a draft you'd posted, I was scared. It wasN't really that bad, though. A few Their/they're mixups and similar stuff, missing apostrophes, a few missing words - otherwise it was mostly okay.

Shizune and Misha are obviously Mars and Moon

Not Uranus and Neptune?

Dr. Who, Star Trek...

Might as well go all the way, huh?
Oh, and M16 isn't a galaxy, it's a nebula within our own galaxy.

FHTAGN!

Made me laugh.

Hisao woke up and slammed her alarm clock,

Is female Hisao from still another earth?

YOU ARE COURDILY INVITED

cordially

Anyway, congrats on finishing this.

Not Uranus and Neptune?

Of course not. Neither Uranus or Naptune is as big an airhead as Misha is. Moon however....

FHTAGN!
Made me laugh.

You'll also note Azathoth and Nyarlopthep are named in the ritual. Both of whom are essentially Cthulhu's "superiors' in the lovecraft mythos.

Anyway, congrats on finishing this.

Thanks. That means a lot.

Chrono180 wrote:

Not Uranus and Neptune?

Of course not. Neither Uranus or Neptune is as big an airhead as Misha is. Moon however....

Uranus and Neptune are the lesbians, though...

You'll also note Azathoth and Nyarlopthep are named in the ritual. Both of whom are essentially Cthulhu's "superiors' in the lovecraft mythos.

Yes, I did note that.

I see you got tired of waiting for me to read it over and offer advice before you posted. Sorry about taking so long there.

Oddball wrote:I see you got tired of waiting for me to read it over and offer advice before you posted. Sorry about taking so long there.

Yeah, I'm sorry.... I want to thank you a great deal for all the help you gave me though. I think you helped me improve my writing ability in a dramatic sense.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

Chrono180 wrote:

Not Uranus and Neptune?

Of course not. Neither Uranus or Neptune is as big an airhead as Misha is. Moon however....

Uranus and Neptune are the lesbians, though...
)

Surely I can't be the only person who ships the two. And remember Moon had a major swoon when she first met Uranus, and dated a girl when Tuxedo went missing.

Oh. I... had been waiting for this. Not sure how I missed it. Ah well, I guess that's what happens when life gets busy. At least now I can read the whole thing at once.

Heh. Just thought I'd share my experience so far. I'm at the part where they choose Lilly's codename, and found myself grinning stupidly when they went through the same process we did to decide. I like it, and it's kinda neat to see my suggestion going in there.
Okay, back to reading, now.

As much as I don't like triple posting, I think I'll give my thoughts on this, now that I'm done reading.
There were a lot of places where there were missing or incorrect words, or spelling and grammar errors. However, with one or two exceptions, I could always figure out what it was supposed to say, so it didn't detract too much. Using Bullseye as the final obstacle was pretty anticlimactic, especially when it felt like the story could have already ended with the previous chapter. There were a few places where you assumed the reader knew what you were talking about, and that caused a few issues. For example, saying that Lilly's outfit was similar to Hanako's didn't mean much to me, since I haven't read your last fic in months. Also, I didn't have the slightest clue who "L" from Death Note was.
I know I really piled on the negatives, but everything I didn't mention was a positive. I really enjoyed it, and I think it was a great ending to your series.

Bummer, the story is gone from Fan Fiction.net and I just read through both of the first parts. The first and second stories were very enjoyable. I have a fair bit of marvel knowledge but not X-men. I wish I could finish your series, as it truely was a delight to read.

Try not at all.