Another World
Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:44 am
Most pleasant greetings to you, dear reader, whomever you would be.
However you may have come upon this letter of mine, I am pleased that you are reading it.
It means that some form connection is made, ..that I've reached out to someone from another world, and shared something precious to me.
In a way...
I suppose I am just asking for love from a random stranger.
Love.., I suppose, in the most basic, pitiable, but still desired form; .....Sympathy.
I'm asking for you to love me.
To read my story and know me.
...Shizune Hakamichi,
.....a lonely, broken, siren.
"All around me are familiar faces..."
"...worn-out places"
"worn-out faces...."
"Bright and Early for the daily races...,"
"Going nowhere..."
"....going Nowhere"
"And the tears are filling up their glasses..."
"no expression,"
"No Expression."
"I'm Ahead, I wanna drown my sorrow..,"
"No Tomorrow."
"....no ...tomorrow."
"And I find it kind of Funny."
"I find it kind of Sad."
"The Dreams in which I'm Dying; are the Best I ever had."
"I find it hard to tell you,"
"I find it Hard to Take."
"When people run in circles, it's a very very....."
"Mad.. World...."
["Mad World" by Adam Lambert]
"...Mad World"
'Another World'
It's another day with a grey sky
The ashen light dims the world into carbon copies of past days
Where we follow unchanging routine to attend lifelessly to our lessons
No one here is special.
There is Hanako Ikezawa at the back, the girl with burn scars on her face.
There are crutches, missing limbs, broken childhoods and all manner of crippled children.
We are the things you throw away. The toys you broke and blamed on faulty craftsmanship.
We are the lives that go nowhere. The children that have no future but that of death in living.
We are existing. ..we are not living. ......but we are here.
I am here.
I am the representative of this classroom. I am the one everyone avoids and secretly hates.
But I do try, to be liked. I offer my help without a thought to the new transfer student.
His name is Hisao Nakai. He takes the seat next to me after the teacher's half-hearted introduction.
I type my formal greetings to him on my laptop, I'm sure the words are warm and inviting.
It only puzzles me why he just flashed a false smile and stared into the blackboard. As if he didn't hear my existence at all.
My days went by with him by the softness of his silence.., it was only about a week, when he started properly responding.
The first thing he types to me is an apology. For being distant and cold to me.
I shrug and type to him that it's what everyone does here at Yamaku. The school for disabled students.
I explain how the management isn't perfect, but is not to be resented either.
The teachers are paid to educate us. Not understand us.
Even if they're not doing the most spectacular job, we should still respect them as our elders.
Which brings me to a question that I almost regret ever asking; "What brings you to this world from another?"
He looks away and stays silent for the rest of the day.
Guilt keeps my eyes on him, for as long as he's there. But without a word, he gets up, and he was gone.
It's not often I have to talk to people, by pen-and-paper or my laptop, so I've forgotten how sad it must be for some of us.
To have to be reminded of the reason we are in this sad facade of a school. Another world from the one we're thrown from.
Discarded as broken toys with broken futures who try in vain to receive the cruel kiss of animated life. And feel a little deader for it.
I corner Hisao in his room, I want to tell him I'm sorry too.
It's really just me being too afraid of losing him. Someone whom I would call a friend.
I force my presence, and with nowhere to run to, he just falls and cries. His hands hiding the tears I can never hear.
I've never been in a situation like this.. usually I'm the one crying and the teacher just sits at her desk watching.
I look wistfully at him, and feel nothing but shame and pity. For myself, not him, because this is how I must have looked like.
I pick him up, forcefully, revealing the pathetic face of someone with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
I almost feel hatred for that expression. I know it's the face I've worn before. In my most weakest moments.
Without thinking I just slap him.
And he stopped. .....both of us not knowing what to make of this sharp sudden silence.
I feel myself hold him in an embrace of the heart, old emotions and dead feelings dryly rushing down my own cheeks.
I feel wings of warmth envelope me, his arms encircle me and bring out the child in me safely.
He rests softly his head on mine, as I lay gently my tears on his heart. We both fall asleep in the pureness of silence.
The grey morning whispers its way through the crystal blue night... as I wake up alone...
I still feel the kindness of a kiss... from a dream I can't remember. Was it ..Real? .....was it from him?
It doesn't matter. As I lay awake on his bed, reading the letter he left me:
"Dear Shizune,
Thank You, for last night.
I know it will seem cruel to tell you that I'm leaving soon."
"But that is the truth.
I wished not to hurt you with my sadness. Even if you tried to share with me your happiness.
And believe me when I tell you it will haunt me forever, to know I could have shared joy and more with you."
"But let me explain;
My girlfriend, Iwanako, was to come to Yamaku. She had an erratic heart condition.
She..... she, didn't survive the plane trip."
"Accompanying her and watching her die,
I felt so helpless, worthless, ..dead.
My life was to be with her, and my life had ended with her. I came to Yamaku as a torn half of a whole. A shadow."
"But still somehow you moved me... inside,
You've given me something meaningful I can not translate, something worth living for that I cannot write nor say nor communicate. But it is there. It is Real. It is .."You".
I want to give you something precious in return, something.. I..., treasure so painfully, ..that I never thought I should let myself give away again. But I have to let you know, and I want you to believe me when I tell you; And please do forgive me if it reads like a lie or an old fancy, but .....;
"I love you."
"I hope that wherever you are, you escape the darkness.
I hope that the world turns for you ..and that things will get better.
But what I hope most of all is that you Understand what I Mean, when I say to you...
That even though I do not truly know you, though I may never again meet you, ..laugh with you, Cry with you, ...or kiss you;
...I Love you too.
With all my heart...; I love you."
(In Honour and Memory of Valerie Page)
However you may have come upon this letter of mine, I am pleased that you are reading it.
It means that some form connection is made, ..that I've reached out to someone from another world, and shared something precious to me.
In a way...
I suppose I am just asking for love from a random stranger.
Love.., I suppose, in the most basic, pitiable, but still desired form; .....Sympathy.
I'm asking for you to love me.
To read my story and know me.
...Shizune Hakamichi,
.....a lonely, broken, siren.
"All around me are familiar faces..."
"...worn-out places"
"worn-out faces...."
"Bright and Early for the daily races...,"
"Going nowhere..."
"....going Nowhere"
"And the tears are filling up their glasses..."
"no expression,"
"No Expression."
"I'm Ahead, I wanna drown my sorrow..,"
"No Tomorrow."
"....no ...tomorrow."
"And I find it kind of Funny."
"I find it kind of Sad."
"The Dreams in which I'm Dying; are the Best I ever had."
"I find it hard to tell you,"
"I find it Hard to Take."
"When people run in circles, it's a very very....."
"Mad.. World...."
["Mad World" by Adam Lambert]
"...Mad World"
'Another World'
It's another day with a grey sky
The ashen light dims the world into carbon copies of past days
Where we follow unchanging routine to attend lifelessly to our lessons
No one here is special.
There is Hanako Ikezawa at the back, the girl with burn scars on her face.
There are crutches, missing limbs, broken childhoods and all manner of crippled children.
We are the things you throw away. The toys you broke and blamed on faulty craftsmanship.
We are the lives that go nowhere. The children that have no future but that of death in living.
We are existing. ..we are not living. ......but we are here.
I am here.
I am the representative of this classroom. I am the one everyone avoids and secretly hates.
But I do try, to be liked. I offer my help without a thought to the new transfer student.
His name is Hisao Nakai. He takes the seat next to me after the teacher's half-hearted introduction.
I type my formal greetings to him on my laptop, I'm sure the words are warm and inviting.
It only puzzles me why he just flashed a false smile and stared into the blackboard. As if he didn't hear my existence at all.
My days went by with him by the softness of his silence.., it was only about a week, when he started properly responding.
The first thing he types to me is an apology. For being distant and cold to me.
I shrug and type to him that it's what everyone does here at Yamaku. The school for disabled students.
I explain how the management isn't perfect, but is not to be resented either.
The teachers are paid to educate us. Not understand us.
Even if they're not doing the most spectacular job, we should still respect them as our elders.
Which brings me to a question that I almost regret ever asking; "What brings you to this world from another?"
He looks away and stays silent for the rest of the day.
Guilt keeps my eyes on him, for as long as he's there. But without a word, he gets up, and he was gone.
It's not often I have to talk to people, by pen-and-paper or my laptop, so I've forgotten how sad it must be for some of us.
To have to be reminded of the reason we are in this sad facade of a school. Another world from the one we're thrown from.
Discarded as broken toys with broken futures who try in vain to receive the cruel kiss of animated life. And feel a little deader for it.
I corner Hisao in his room, I want to tell him I'm sorry too.
It's really just me being too afraid of losing him. Someone whom I would call a friend.
I force my presence, and with nowhere to run to, he just falls and cries. His hands hiding the tears I can never hear.
I've never been in a situation like this.. usually I'm the one crying and the teacher just sits at her desk watching.
I look wistfully at him, and feel nothing but shame and pity. For myself, not him, because this is how I must have looked like.
I pick him up, forcefully, revealing the pathetic face of someone with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.
I almost feel hatred for that expression. I know it's the face I've worn before. In my most weakest moments.
Without thinking I just slap him.
And he stopped. .....both of us not knowing what to make of this sharp sudden silence.
I feel myself hold him in an embrace of the heart, old emotions and dead feelings dryly rushing down my own cheeks.
I feel wings of warmth envelope me, his arms encircle me and bring out the child in me safely.
He rests softly his head on mine, as I lay gently my tears on his heart. We both fall asleep in the pureness of silence.
The grey morning whispers its way through the crystal blue night... as I wake up alone...
I still feel the kindness of a kiss... from a dream I can't remember. Was it ..Real? .....was it from him?
It doesn't matter. As I lay awake on his bed, reading the letter he left me:
"Dear Shizune,
Thank You, for last night.
I know it will seem cruel to tell you that I'm leaving soon."
"But that is the truth.
I wished not to hurt you with my sadness. Even if you tried to share with me your happiness.
And believe me when I tell you it will haunt me forever, to know I could have shared joy and more with you."
"But let me explain;
My girlfriend, Iwanako, was to come to Yamaku. She had an erratic heart condition.
She..... she, didn't survive the plane trip."
"Accompanying her and watching her die,
I felt so helpless, worthless, ..dead.
My life was to be with her, and my life had ended with her. I came to Yamaku as a torn half of a whole. A shadow."
"But still somehow you moved me... inside,
You've given me something meaningful I can not translate, something worth living for that I cannot write nor say nor communicate. But it is there. It is Real. It is .."You".
I want to give you something precious in return, something.. I..., treasure so painfully, ..that I never thought I should let myself give away again. But I have to let you know, and I want you to believe me when I tell you; And please do forgive me if it reads like a lie or an old fancy, but .....;
"I love you."
"I hope that wherever you are, you escape the darkness.
I hope that the world turns for you ..and that things will get better.
But what I hope most of all is that you Understand what I Mean, when I say to you...
That even though I do not truly know you, though I may never again meet you, ..laugh with you, Cry with you, ...or kiss you;
...I Love you too.
With all my heart...; I love you."
(In Honour and Memory of Valerie Page)
