Katawa Shoujo Forums

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I'm not going to murder you, but you DO need to work on your English. Also, it seems like you have only the seed of an idea, and that it's only distantly related to KS at best.
You might want to actually write your stuff down and check that it's appropriate to the place where you want to put it up first.

Silentcook wrote:I'm not going to murder you, but you DO need to work on your English. Also, it seems like you have only the seed of an idea, and that it's only distantly related to KS at best.
You might want to actually write your stuff down and check that it's appropriate to the place where you want to put it up first.

distantly? no i just wanted to see if my characters where liked i had an idea and i wanted to see how the ks fans reacted to it.. aslo it would be useless to explain the charachters poeple already know... regarding my grammar.. youre right.... but i have an auto grammar check on my pc and im happy if i can get what i veagly intended.. and if i turn it off then my grammar is just not right
again regarding how related it is to the plot hanako and shizune play a GIANT role in the story so far.... il try and keep it good

so in brief:
my first post here was to see if poeple where intressted

my grammar is my own mistake... im working on fixing it though

silentkook for king of the world

its more related then on first glance

Fixed part of your first post in order to show you the difference between what's expected and what you wrote there:

My first fan-fic! Please don't murder me for my bad grammar, awful imagination and other bad stuff.....
First I'm going to explain the new characters:

Matthijs van der Wal:
A Dutch gamer whose life got turned upside down when he earned the title of one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
While lacking in physical strength, he does have great manipulative abilities.

Larrissa Brood:
Similar to Matthijs , she is not physically strong. However her abilities are more based on emotions and putting foes in an awkward position is her favorite trick.
Matthijs loved her once but she rejected him.

Pestilence:
Most of the Warriors of Balance don't want to give away their real name and that's fine by their rules.
What we do know is that he's a doctor.
His powers are stealth based, poison and diseases.

(Just pure punctuation, capitals, spelling and a few cases of grammar).

Keep in mind that when you're writing a story, you're trying to get the reader in a certain flow, where he is reading the story and imagining it all in his head. Just like when you're gaming, if there are lots of graphical glitches in the game then you're getting really annoyed because it really takes the immersion out of the game. So you need to pay a lot of attention to the spelling, grammar and such when trying to write a story, as well as to how the plot flows and progresses, how the characters behave and the world. Preferably get someone to proof-read it (even better if you can get multiple people to do it).

Also, you might want to explain why you're introducing Dutch characters into a Katawa Shoujo fanfic. I assume you're Dutch so to you it sounds natural but a rule of thumb when you're writing a fanfic is to introduce believable characters to the readers, so unless there is a specific reason for Dutch characters I'd try to stick with Japanese names/characters.
And as for including Shizune and Hanako: Great, as long as you properly do your research in how they behave and think (as well as the disability in general and such), instead of adapting them to what you need them to be. If you adapt them, chances are a lot of readers will get annoyed about it and stop reading it as they have a mindset about how KS characters tend to react.

In any case, I wish you good luck with the fanfic.

I admit I have not the slightest idea what you intend to do with a fic that includes the four apocalyptic horsemen as well as their positive counterparts (who apparently get along quite well with each other) and the KS cast.
Plus you imply that several video game worlds are also going to feature...
I'm actually surprised SC's reply was as mild as it was^^°

Anyway, while I don't dismiss crossovers outright, please keep in mind that they are hard to do right, especially if you intend to cross multiple universes as you seem to intend. Since you probably have at least eight OCs you need several chapters' worth of introduction alone.

And all that in a language you are clearly not comfortable with... Whatever grammar check you use, let me tell you it doesn't help much. Proofreading your story would almost constitute a rewrite.

Maybe you should start with a less ambitious project...

Mirage_GSM wrote:I admit I have not the slightest idea what you intend to do with a fic that includes the four apocalyptic horsemen as well as their positive counterparts (who apparently get along quite well with each other) and the KS cast.
Plus you imply that several video game worlds are also going to feature...
I'm actually surprised SC's reply was as mild as it was^^°

Anyway, while I don't dismiss crossovers outright, please keep in mind that they are hard to do right, especially if you intend to cross multiple universes as you seem to intend. Since you probably have at least eight OCs you need several chapters' worth of introduction alone.

And all that in a language you are clearly not comfortable with... Whatever grammar check you use, let me tell you it doesn't help much. Proofreading your story would almost constitute a rewrite.

Maybe you should start with a less ambitious project...

..... good point...

A word of advice: Capital letters in appropriate spots. You should probably use them!

Doomish wrote:A word of advice: Capital letters in appropriate spots. You should probably use them!

oke i will try to fix my terrable grammar but itl take a while before all my problems are fixed... so if poeple are intressted they have to wait 2017