Katawa Shoujo Forums

I don't know I've spent the last 3 days trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.
After playing Katawa Shoujo especially Lilly's path I've been trying to change my self for the better by thinking "what would Lilly wan't me to do." Following this train if thought I think she would want me to be happy. So far I've been trying to do just that; trying to be more social, allowing my self to open up to people and making more friends and having relationships, and trying to be kinder to my family and other people in general.
However there is one thing that has me "confused" (I can't think of a word that better explains how this situation is making me feel). I have a bit of a Methadone/opiate "habit" (I wouldn't call it an addiction).The Methadone helps me a lot in trying to reach my goal of being happy; it feels like it strips me of all the things that keep me from being happy and becoming a better person without changing who I am on the inside. The problem is though that even though it helps so much I can't shake the feeling that Lilly would not want me to be doing this and it has me feeling like I have to choose between her and the drugs and I don't know what to do. I want Lilly to approve of me but right now I don't think she would even with all the other changes I've made for the better.
Am I wrong? Would/does she still love me regardless? I really don't think I could live without both. Someone please help me with this.

I don't think a fictional girl is going to judge you for what you do with yourself, but I doubt any girl considers a reliance on drugs for normal social interaction to be a positive attribute. Not to say that certain medications and such are wrong, but if using drugs is the only way to get to a level where you can function in society, then perhaps you need to consider therapy or weaning yourself off.

I won't bullshit you and say you will feel better immediately, hell, you'll probably feel miserable at first, but in the long run you're doing yourself a favor. Even if you're not addicted now, you're walking a thin line on a slippery slope with greased shoes, and the path to addiction is EXTREMELY easy to walk. The feelings and satisfaction you get from being high doesn't give the same kind of satisfaction as achieving it sans-drugs, and I think you will be happier if you learn to come out of your shell without the influence.

My closest friend used to be into coke and was starting heroin before he became less retarded. Obviously you aren't doing the hard stuff right now, and hell, maybe the thought has never crossed your mind, but the happiest he's been is when he's clean, for what it's worth.

I don't think a fictional girl is going to judge you for what you do with yourself, but I doubt any girl considers a reliance on drugs for normal social interaction to be a positive attribute. Not to say that certain medications and such are wrong, but if using drugs is the only way to get to a level where you can function in society, then perhaps you need to consider therapy or weaning yourself off.

But I need her to be judging me. I need her approval or else I have nothing to motivate me. I chose Lilly because her character is the kind of person I would need in my life to improve my self. I've tried therapy and I see a psychiatrist and I've been on a rainbow of antidepressants and other medications, but opiates are the only thing that seem to be able to "fix" me. I know how easy it is to get addicted which is why methadone is my drug of choice; it lasts very long so I don't have to re-dose through out the day. I just don't know what to do if the reason for my motivation and the means in which I can act are incompatible.

Well, ultimately, since Lily doesn't exist, we never quite will know what she thinks of your means of coping. So I can only tell you what my personal real life experience has to give. I've done my share of "Lily"-esque stuff. I've been the one that a guy calls when he needs someone to ask if what he's doing is a mistake. I'm the guy that sits there and takes it when someone had a bad day. I'm the one that took the gun away when he threatened to kill himself. I'm the one that pats you on the back when your bitch ex-girlfriend tells you she's pregnant with your kid. I've seen some shit despite my young age, and I can tell you this.......

No matter what anyone else says to you, or how anyone else treats you, change comes from within. I told my friend that he would be miserable and he would die young if he did his drugs. I told him that he was a fucking idiot and that he needed to pick his pathetic ass off the ground and find his center. But he didn't, for almost 3 years. He didn't get his shit straight until he was already up shit's creek without a paddle, and now he is 20 with no college plans, no money, and a shitty bachelor pad that he has to share with 3 people including an ex. It took a dead uncle for him to actually do something about his situation, and now he's clean and working towards a small business idea. It's not grand, but it's something god damnit.

Now this approach doesn't work with everyone, obviously, but MY personal advice to you, is that if YOU THINK, that what you're doing is wrong, then you already know what you should do. If you are confused and you need clarification, then keep up the therapy or get a different therapist if you don't think he or she is helping you. Some people take solace in having a person to talk to, but that person cannot be your sole means to a happier you.

Well, first off, we are not therapists here.

When it comes to a drug "habit," you need professional help, especially if it's self-medicating for psychological issues. It's possible that you simply need a new therapist/psychologist, if your previous one wasn't able to help. You also need to be willing to accept the advice given to you. Don't ask for help when you don't want advice, and only want permission.

If a general therapist doesn't work, it may be prudent to look into rehab. You may not be addicted, and I'm nowhere near trained to say otherwise with authority (and even if I were, an online chat certainly wouldn't be enough), but I'm familiar enough with human nature to know that people are terrible at honestly assessing their own situations.

As for Lilly judging you, it's obvious you know what Lilly would think, and the conflict is accepting this hard truth. Obviously, it's not really Lilly that's judging you - she's a fictional character, allegedly based off Suriko's ideal woman. You seem to have used Lilly to personify your conscience, but that's really an academic point and not worth pursuing all that much. Regardless, it makes a clear point: it doesn't matter whether Lilly approves of your habit or loves you; you don't approve of your habit, and you're taking it out on yourself.

Chemical dependencies are a difficult subject, because the conventional psychiatric wisdom is that some people do in fact need medication to function. That point aside, self-medication is terribly dangerous, and you're likely to hurt yourself eventually, to say nothing of the possibility of hurting loved ones.

I would strongly recommend you get help, preferably from someone who specializes in dealing with drug dependencies/addictions. Even if you aren't addicted, he should be equipped to help you through this.

Improving yourself is a laudable goal, but it needs to be thorough or it won't take. It would be foolish to remodel a house but ignore a critical weakness in the foundation. If the whole house collapses, it doesn't matter that you replaced the ratty carpets with hardwood floors.

But, again, much as we'd like to help, we're just imaginary people that live inside your computer. You need to talk to a professional.

This is really something best discussed with professionals.

I'll just say this though. Regarding Lilly...I mean, we've all gotten attached to one of the KS girls (and I've been basing a lot of my decisions lately on "What would Rin do?", so I guess I'm being a hypocrite), but you shouldn't live your life around what a fictional character would think if they were real. I mean, in my opinion (for whatever it's worth) you should try to kick your drug habit, but that's something you should do for yourself, not her. (Besides, Lilly's a bit of an alcoholic, isn't she? )

Jokes aside, though, good luck trying to clean up your life. I hope it all works out.

Lilly's a bit of an alcoholic, isn't she?

That's the part that is causing me to think that she wouldn't mind. Lilly isn't perfect, no one is, and it seems like it would be hypocritical of her to be displeased with me for having a drug habit when she her self has a tendency to become addicted to various "negative" things.

Somehow....I feel ya....I totally do

kolokol1 wrote:

Lilly's a bit of an alcoholic, isn't she?

That's the part that is causing me to think that she wouldn't mind. Lilly isn't perfect, no one is, and it seems like it would be hypocritical of her to be displeased with me for having a drug habit when she her self has a tendency to become addicted to various "negative" things.

That's not how hypocrisy works.

Lilly would be a hypocrite if she caught Hanako masturbating and ostracised her as a perverted slut while she and Hisao went at it morning, noon, and night.

A chain smoker telling another man that it's a bad idea to chop people into pieces and dance in their entrails is not a hypocrite.

Hypocrisy is setting one standard for others that, for whatever reason, does not apply to you. Even the chain smoker that tells you that smoking is a terrible thing isn't necessarily a hypocrite, provided he at least considers smoking a failing of his own.

Also, to accept flaws is not the same as despairing of them ever being fixed. You acknowledge your imperfections and work to eliminate them, on the understanding that you will never truly rid yourself of all imperfection. You accept that it will be a gradual process, not a quick fix. But you don't say "I'll never be perfect, so why bother?"

Finally, Lilly's not an alcoholic, or even a lush. She, like so many underage drinkers, is fascinated by alcohol, and isn't afraid of making blatant (and ill-considered) attempts at breaking the rules to get a drink on occasion.

And it doesn't matter what Lilly thinks, or would think. You recognize, on some level, that it's a problem. Why else would you have started this topic? A popular phrase around here is "Don't do it for her, do it for you." You don't owe Lilly anything. You owe it to yourself to treat yourself with respect. That includes the part of you that's telling you your self-medication is wrong. Finding ways to justify your habit may delay the reckoning, but that only means it will be that much worse once you have no choice but to face it.

Recreational drug use is a problem only if it is illegal, or if it is controlling. There is nothing wrong with casual use of recreational drugs that are legal and that you have control of.

I think any girl (Lilly or other) would want you on a legal path, and one that won't lead to adicition. If you are not addicted, then now is the time to switch to something else (either physical or chemical) that is legal and fun. Alcohol, caffine, runner's high, tobacco, yoga, martial arts, etc are all alternatives that are generally socially acceptable, legal, and provide pleasure.

If you find it is harder than you though to stop using meth, then for sure consult with a doctor or councillor.

Enceladeans wrote:(Besides, Lilly's a bit of an alcoholic, isn't she? )

If you call having a glass of wine or something during meals being an alcoholic, you need to cut back on the drinking yourself.

ravenlord wrote:Recreational drug use is a problem only if it is illegal, or if it is controlling. There is nothing wrong with casual use of recreational drugs that are legal and that you have control of.

I think any girl (Lilly or other) would want you on a legal path, and one that won't lead to adicition. If you are not addicted, then now is the time to switch to something else (either physical or chemical) that is legal and fun. Alcohol, caffine, runner's high, tobacco, yoga, martial arts, etc are all alternatives that are generally socially acceptable, legal, and provide pleasure.

If you find it is harder than you though to stop using meth, then for sure consult with a doctor or councillor.

Illegal things are only a problem if you get caught. Aside from that, being illegal doesn't cause any more problems than the legal stuff. And booze and tobacco are hardly better addictions.

Xanatos wrote:

ravenlord wrote:Recreational drug use is a problem only if it is illegal, or if it is controlling. There is nothing wrong with casual use of recreational drugs that are legal and that you have control of.

I think any girl (Lilly or other) would want you on a legal path, and one that won't lead to adicition. If you are not addicted, then now is the time to switch to something else (either physical or chemical) that is legal and fun. Alcohol, caffine, runner's high, tobacco, yoga, martial arts, etc are all alternatives that are generally socially acceptable, legal, and provide pleasure.

If you find it is harder than you though to stop using meth, then for sure consult with a doctor or councillor.

Illegal things are only a problem if you get caught. Aside from that, being illegal doesn't cause any more problems than the legal stuff. And booze and tobacco are hardly better addictions.

I'm not sure if English is your native language, but "control" and "addiction" mean the same thing in this context. And I made it very clear that drug use is a problem if it is controlling (addictive).

As far as the "illegal isn't a problem unless you get caught", I have to assume that is just trolling. Because if you truly do not understand the concept and problems surrounding a lifestyle of illegality, then you need professional help, and that's something that we cannnot do for you here.

If you find it is harder than you though to stop using meth, then for sure consult with a doctor or councillor.

I know I'm just nitpicking now but methadone != meth. Methadone is a long acting synthetic opioid used as an analgesic and for the treatment of opioid addiction while meth is a psychostimulant related to amphetamines and is an awful shitty drug that I cannot understand why people like

Do you mind if i asked how your habit started up? Typically metahdone is prescribed for chronic pain since it's effects last longer than natural opiates but it's also used to help opiate addicts by giving them a less harmful drug that is in theory (It's still a pain in the ass from what i hear) easier to stop using. Anyway if you do want to quit i'd actually suggest you join a support group, like i said stopping any opiate habit is a massive pain in the ass, and it really does make a difference if you can get help from people who know what it's like.