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I've been doing a lot of reading and decided, "Hey. Why not give writing a shot?"

So I have a (very) vague plot planned out. Act 1 is mostly laid out though.

I don't have anything yet except for the very beginning. I'm putting it out there as a test. And a teaser if you think its good enough to call it that

Oh and...

Act 1 - Part 1: Dreams

I hear the rush of the wind in my ears. I feel it on my skin. It feels good. It energizes me.

I can smell the pine of the forest and the morning mist. Slowly making its way through my nose.

Opening my mouth, can taste the morning air of the forest. I breathe in and the coolness of it fills my body, making me feel lighter.

I open my eyes and see the clouds towering above me. I feel just as high. I feel like I'm one of them.

There are small flashes of white entering my peripheral vision rhythmically. I can feel them. Catching the wind. A turn of my head reveals them to be wings. Big, bright feathery wings.

I'm an angel.

I'm flying.

I'm flying, just like I always wanted to. The woods beneath me zip by as a streak through the sky. The endless, boundless, limitless sky. Happiness overtakes me and I squeak with joy, doing a barrel roll. I fly with such effortlessness, I might as well be floating. This is where I belong. This is where I'm happy.

But the happiness is very short lived. The smell of the pine is traced with some new smell, a smell I don't like. I can't identify it. It looms in the air and seems to change to mood of the sky. When did it suddenly get darker?

A third smell enters my nostrils. This one, I can identify. It's rain. But, just a minute ago it was sunny and warm. Now it's cold, and I can feel the first droplets of water begin to touch my body. Where did the sun go?

Now the second smell is stronger, but I still cant put my finger on it. I smells like the pine, but stronger. I swivel my head, searching for the source. But, my search is cut short by a flash. I look behind me, but it's already gone.

1... 2... boom!

The thunder hits me, hard and loud. 2 seconds after the lightning. I'm scared now. 2 seconds equals 2 miles right? Or was there some equation that I'm forgetting? I don't know, all I know is that i need to find somewhere to land.

Flash. 1- boom!

Oh god. That one was even closer. I could barely count to one that time. My head is buzzing now. I'm essentially a catalyst for the lightning and the trees. I'm making the route shorter for it. Lightning takes the shortest route right? Is that right?

I look ahead and realize I'm heading into the clouds. But, I haven't gone any higher. Have I?

I'm disoriented and I'm not thinking straight. Where did this cloud come from?

Suddenly, like a brick wall, the mystery smell hits me. It makes its way into my lungs and chokes me. It stings my eyes, and before they snap shut the catch a glimpse of an orange glow. The immense darkness of the smoke envelopes me.

I know what the second smell is now. The forest is on fire.

I'm seriously panicking now. My wings are flapping furiously. My lungs burn. My eyes sting. My sense of smell has been overtaken. And the feeling of the embers from below and the rain drops hitting me simultaneously only confuses me further. I can't tell how high I am. The blanket holds me like a spiderweb. And now I'm just waiting for the spider.

Oh god, oh god. Oh god oh god oh god!

I'm terrified for my life. At any second I could either be struck by lightning, or hit a tree and fall into the flames below. Is this where I die?

Through my eyelids I see a blinding light. And at the same time, the crash of thunder. The shock-wave hits me like a train, and I begin to fall.

This is the end. This is where I die. My wings won't move and I can feel the heat below me getting hotter. My heart is beating a million beats per second. Terror is coursing through my veins. My chest is on fire. My sinuses burn. My ears are ringing. My body is numb. All of the sensations of happiness that I had just moments ago have been stolen. As I fall through the smoky abyss I feel the tears running down my face.

The ground closes in on me.

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"AAAH!!" I wake up with a jolt. Cold sweat coating my face. That damn dream again. That damn dream.

I'm shaking. My face is wet. And my vision is blurred. I must have been crying in my sleep. It's not unusual after my falling dream. No matter how many times it happens I always wake up with the same horrible feelings. Sadness, anger, and fear. It always happens the same. Pure bliss stripped away in a matter of minutes. I hate it. I hate it.

Come on, Azumi. Pull yourself together.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out...

I'm okay. I decide after a good 10 minutes. Wiping the tears from my face, I look at the clock. 6:12am. Perfect timing I guess. My mind is still asleep. My body feels like lead. If I could I'd stay in bed all day, I would. But, unfortunately, the school day ahead of me beckons. A shower would be nice anyway.

My room is a mess. Papers over here, wrappers over there. There are clothes scattered all over the floor. I need to clean it but that isn't exactly an easy task for me. Although doing so would save me a bit of hassle getting up in the morning. Does the end justify the means?

I manage to fall out of bed. Literally. I hit the ground with a nice thud. Luckily my fall was broken by some laundry. How the hell did I even fall? Not that it surprises me. I've always been a klutz. The halls are a challenge for me with so many people to bump into and trip over. I am not, by any means, a graceful woman. Sometimes I trip over my own feet.

I grab the nightstand and start trying to pull myself up. My arms are still half dead though. They protest against my efforts as I slowly pull myself up. I use my legs to help, but I'm careful not to put much weight on them. I don't want to fall again.

Managing to prop myself up via the table, I survey the room, looking for my crutches. My eyes are still blurry from sleep and tears, so I rub them again trying to clear them. They aren't next to my desk. Not at the door. Not next to the closet
Of course crutches are sitting right next to the nightstand.

"I'm an idiot." I pick up my crutches and start working my way across the room, trying my best to dodge clothes and various other obstacles. A shirt almost trips me up on my first step. I look down, focusing all my attention on forward movement. I manage to avoid any more clothing missteps, but I forgot that dorm rooms have walls...

"Ah!" I hit the wall head on.

Eventually I reach the end of the room. I look back at the ground I'd just covered. I really need to clean...

On my way down the hall to the shower, I run into my friend Suzume.

"Hi, Azumi!" It looks like she already showered. Her blonde hair is still a bit damp but she's already got it in her usual style, which is simple braid in the back. I'm sure my hair must look like a wreck. Her small rectangular glasses are just a bit crooked. One lens is bigger than the other which adds to the imbalance.

I walk up and adjust her glasses a bit. "Hi, Suzume." I put on a light, sleepy smile.

"Are you okay? You look like hell. Like you've been crying." She looks concerned. That also confirms that I look like a wreck.

"It's just that dream again. Nothing really."

"Oh, okay." She sounds a mixture of relieved and disappointed. She knows that I have the same bad dream every now and then, and she knows what its about. She just hates how she can't do anything about it. "Do you want some help getting to wherever you're going?"

Normally, I'd refuse her offer. I don't like being taken care of. I'm really tired right now though. So I'll give her this one. She enjoys helping people. "Taxi. Showers please."

Her face lights up and she comes to my side. I put both my crutches in my arm and put the other over Suzume's shoulder. I put a good portion of my weight on her and she helps me walk. I hate using my crutches, but it's not worth putting on my leg braces just to get down the hall and take them off for a shower. And using Suzume is a better, softer option. We get to the bathroom and I thank her for her help. She runs off down the hall towards her room.

I get into the bathroom and prop my crutches on the wall. I sit down in the shower and turn on the water. My thoughts are still foggy. I'm still thinking of the dream. What does it mean? Does it mean anything?

My worries slowly melt away beneath the hot water. I slowly forget the dream.

I smile and think to myself. Today will be a good day. That's my promise every day I have the dream.

I can't let it win.

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Goodbye Sleep.
I will see you in 4 hours.

But anyway, this is a story.
And I'm to tired to compliment or to give criticism.
So I will be waiting for more.

Lumi wrote:I've been doing a lot of reading and decided, "Hey. Why not give writing a shot?"

That's the spirit! The best way to get better at writing, or really just about anything else, is to just give it a try and then keep at it. And I can say that you're not off to a bad start, there's an error here and there (I smells like pine, etc), but overall your basic foundation is fine. One thing I would recommend is to try to blend some of your sentences together, they can be a bit blunt and short at times. Just try to take a few of the more fragmented ones and turn them into something longer and smoother, something that flows better.
Other than that, there's not too much to go on as far as the characters and plot goes right now, but I'm interested to see where you go with this. Don't worry too much about the long term plot right now, and don't worry about not knowing what the heck you're doing. Everyone has to start somewhere, and, if you want your story to have a long length, then you have a long time to narrow down the details for things further down the line. For now, just focus on developing your protagonist and your setting. Show us who she is, show us what she likes and what she doesn't like, what she's good at, some of her flaws, who her friends are and if there are people she doesn't get along with, things like that.

Scissorlips wrote:

Lumi wrote:I've been doing a lot of reading and decided, "Hey. Why not give writing a shot?"

That's the spirit! The best way to get better at writing, or really just about anything else, is to just give it a try and then keep at it. And I can say that you're not off to a bad start, there's an error here and there (I smells like pine, etc), but overall your basic foundation is fine. One thing I would recommend is to try to blend some of your sentences together, they can be a bit blunt and short at times. Just try to take a few of the more fragmented ones and turn them into something longer and smoother, something that flows better.
Other than that, there's not too much to go on as far as the characters and plot goes right now, but I'm interested to see where you go with this. Don't worry too much about the long term plot right now, and don't worry about not knowing what the heck you're doing. Everyone has to start somewhere, and, if you want your story to have a long length, then you have a long time to narrow down the details for things further down the line. For now, just focus on developing your protagonist and your setting. Show us who she is, show us what she likes and what she doesn't like, what she's good at, some of her flaws, who her friends are and if there are people she doesn't get along with, things like that.

Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I've been trying to improve my sentence flow but I can never seem to get it right. Practice makes perfect though.

Maybe by the end of this I'll be able to write as good as you ^-^

I'll do my usual thing, even though this time I cheated and read the whole thing before starting to comment. So it'll be a little different.

Dream sequence.

I'd say it's a bit long, but I have no right whatsoever to criticize other people's dream sequences when the length of the one I did would make Proust squirm in jealousy.

Other than that it's good, a bit odd with the presence of smell as a major feature. But y'know, why not.
I think the big problem with (long) dream sequences is getting people to care about it regardless of the rest of the story. But as you build as series, people get expectations as to what they're about to find. When they read something completely different, they'll tend to skim to the bits that they think is relevant to the rest of the arc (like you're doing now to try to see what the fuck my wall of text is about).

Scissorlips pulled it off well by establishing this feeling of relevance early on. Anyway my point is, doing the (long) dream sequence at the start of the series is, I'd say, the 'least worst' place to put it, as you haven't yet built up many expectations. The tradeoff is people will instead expect these dreams to be recurring and relevant to the story.

Waking up

And there's the part when you tell us these dreams will be recurring and relevant in a not-hamfisted way. Well done. The exposition of the character's disability is a bit on the short side, although it's enough to get that she's got some kind of motor problem with her lower limbs.

Suzume

The introduction of the 'friend' is a bit on the short side as well. Why not telling us a bit more as they make their way to the bathroom? It's not like your story's dragging at this point. People generally don't mind a few extra lines when it introduces a new character. She seems important, so we're curious about her, why don't you tell us a lil' more? To top it all, your characters gets to introduce herself a little more by telling what she's thinking of her friend.

In contrast to Scissorlips, I don't think the way the sentences are cut is a problem. It's a bit rough around the edges, but it also feels shorter so you can add a bit of content without turning the whole thing into a wall of text. It's a different style, but it works well with me. I read the whole woken-up portion without noticing it. Always a good thing.

And yeah, 'why the hell not?' is as good a mindset as any when you begin writing. So long as you actually have ideas. As of now you got me curious.

Ascended Flutist wrote:I'll do my usual thing, even though this time I cheated and read the whole thing before starting to comment. So it'll be a little different.

Dream sequence.

I'd say it's a bit long, but I have no right whatsoever to criticize other people's dream sequences when the length of the one I did would make Proust squirm in jealousy.

Other than that it's good, a bit odd with the presence of smell as a major feature. But y'know, why not.
I think the big problem with (long) dream sequences is getting people to care about it regardless of the rest of the story. But as you build as series, people get expectations as to what they're about to find. When they read something completely different, they'll tend to skim to the bits that they think is relevant to the rest of the arc (like you're doing now to try to see what the fuck my wall of text is about).

Scissorlips pulled it off well by establishing this feeling of relevance early on. Anyway my point is, doing the (long) dream sequence at the start of the series is, I'd say, the 'least worst' place to put it, as you haven't yet built up many expectations. The tradeoff is people will instead expect these dreams to be recurring and relevant to the story.

Waking up

And there's the part when you tell us these dreams will be recurring and relevant in a not-hamfisted way. Well done. The exposition of the character's disability is a bit on the short side, although it's enough to get that she's got some kind of motor problem with her lower limbs.

Suzume

The introduction of the 'friend' is a bit on the short side as well. Why not telling us a bit more as they make their way to the bathroom? It's not like your story's dragging at this point. People generally don't mind a few extra lines when it introduces a new character. She seems important, so we're curious about her, why don't you tell us a lil' more? To top it all, your characters gets to introduce herself a little more by telling what she's thinking of her friend.

In contrast to Scissorlips, I don't think the way the sentences are cut is a problem. It's a bit rough around the edges, but it also feels shorter so you can add a bit of content without turning the whole thing into a wall of text. It's a different style, but it works well with me. I read the whole woken-up portion without noticing it. Always a good thing.

And yeah, 'why the hell not?' is as good a mindset as any when you begin writing. So long as you actually have ideas. As of now you got me curious.

What Im actually trying to do with the dream sequences is different that anything I've seen before really. No spoilers though.

I'm trying to keep her disability in some sort of mystery for now.

And yeah I agree the Suzume intro was a little short sided. I'll make up for it somehow, I promise.

I kinda have this unexplainable hatred for dream sequences, so yeah... But you've already established Azumi as a likeable character and I am quite intrigued as to how you thread her into Yamaku, as well as which social scene she falls into, etc.
Mate, you just earned yourself another sub.

As celebration for the successful landing of the Curiosity rover on Mars, I present to you, Part 2!
I'm only 2 hours late.

Act 1 - Part 2: The gang

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My hair doesn't require much styling. Dry, comb, and flick. Plain and simple. My hair doesn't even touch my shoulders and it kind of goes wherever it wants to. There's no use in trying to actually give it some style. It looks good by itself thankfully. I reach over and put in my clip. It's a simple one with 2 dark blue beads on it. It goes well with my black hair I think.

Suzume thinks I use too many dark colors when it comes to my looks. She uses lots of bright colors that make her look like a flower. It matches her personality. My colors resemble the night sky. At least for me they do. To Suzume they represent depressing. Our fashion ideas conflict a lot. She can stick out in a crowd, but I like to blend.

I grab my crutches and leave the bathroom. This time Suzume isn't there. She's likely gone off to the pool. The dorms have begun to stir, coming back to life. There are a few girls walking around. 2 girls are hanging out in the common room. I make my way back to my dorm and close the door behind me. The school day is almost here. I put on my skirt and blouse. I fumble around with my bow like its a puzzle. I can never get used to the damn things. I pull my socks onto my feet and bring them up to my knees. Looking at my legs always makes me a bit self conscious. They don't really look right.

I slip on my shoes, and finally I pick up my leg braces. A few straps later and I'm ready for the day. I prop myself up on the nightstand to get started, but this time I'm able to let go. Now I can walk on my own.

knock knock

"It's open."

Suzume walks inside. I guess she wasn't swimming after all. "Hey, did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"There's going to be a new kid showing up today!"

"Really?" That's interesting.

"Yeah."

"What's their name?"

"Dunno. All I know is they they're going to be in 3-3."

"Mutou's class?" Damn, I was hoping to fill the empty seat next to mine for a second there.

"Yup..." she puts on her thinking face for a few seconds, then smiles, "I wonder if it's a cute guy."

"If it is, I call dibs!"

"You can't call dibs! It doesn't work that way!"

"It does now!"

Suzume furrows her brow, but then smiles a bit deviously. "You're just afraid that my womanly charms will supersede yours." She puffs out her chest to show it off. She's always been proud of it.

"Hey! He might be an ass man!" I stand up and shake my hips a bit, but end up tumbling back onto the bed.

We both start laughing at my balance issues.

Suzume and I met when I arrived here last year. She's been going here ever since she left middle school. I was assigned the room across the hall from her, so we talked a little but not too much. The day when we started becoming friends was the day I fell over in front of her door. She walked outside and saw me laying there all pathetic-like. She picked me up and took me back into my room. We started talking about things.

Back then I was still very depressed about the accident, so I didn't talk much at all. I was actually a lot like that Ikezawa girl. Suzume slowly brought me out of my shell. She didn't know what happened to me that made me that way, but she respected my privacy and didn't dwell on it. I still haven't told her about the incident. It still makes me teary eyed to think about it. She helps me enough with walking; she doesn't need me unloading my emotional burden on her too.

The only thing she pushed -well more like dragged- me into was hanging out with her, Takashi, and Mako.

A new kid at school is always news. Especially when it's the middle of the semester. We don't get many new people here. If they're in Mutou's class I might be able to meet them. 3-3 is right next door to 3-4. I wonder what they're like, how we'd get along, and what brought them to this school. It could be something like being paraplegic, or something like epilepsy like that other girl in 3-3, Naomi, has. Maybe they're blind like Lilly or only partially blind like Suzume?

Bah. It's no use wondering about this mystery person's disability. There are too many that they could have. And it's really none of my business. Here at Yamaku we have some unspoken rules about these things. It's kind of a "I'll tell you when I'm damn well ready" code.

I walk out of the dorms and into the outside world. It's a sunny day out. Wispy clouds populate the sky high above, and a gentle breeze drifts along, ruffling my hair. Today is such a perfect day out. I'll have to use my special spot for such a nice day. It looks like I might be able to keep my promise to myself.

I still can't help but wonder who the new kid is. My mind just keeps running through possibilities. Diabetes, missing limbs, Autism, Deafness, Muscular Dystrophy, Scoliosis, Boneitis... Wait. Wasn't that last one from a cartoon or something?

Out. Shoo thoughts!

I try and suppress my speculation on my way to the classroom. I take my seat in class next to where Suzume usually sits. I pull out my book and begin reading, waiting for class to start. The class is mostly here, except for the migraine girl who sits behind me, and Mako. Mako is a bit of a delinquent and skips class sometimes. He's likely in his room, playing a computer game or something. Or he might have had a seizure. If thats the case, Takashi probably has him taken care of.

Hamada walks into the classroom and Suzume shortly follows. Suzume sits down and Hamada begins the lesson as the bell rings. He starts writing equations on the board with his good hand. Hamada is somewhat disabled just like the students here. He's missing his left hand. He's fairly young and, actually, not that bad looking. He probably went to this school and decided to be a teacher. He wears his suit casually and it's wrinkled in a few places. It looks a lot better than when he tries to wear it perfectly.

Suzume can't see the board very well with her partial blindness, so I take her notes for her while she closes her eyes and listens. I honestly think she just sleeps through it sometimes thouthat gh. I poke her with my foot to keep her awake. Why does she get to sleep while i have to work? She gives me the "Stop that before I bite your face." look.

I really don't mind taking Suzume's notes. I'm good at math and I'm actually the class's second teacher when it comes to it sometimes. Tadao always need my help. I have no idea how he's even passing his classes. Oh wait, yes I do. I'm always helping him.

A few minute later I see that there really aren't any notes to take today. It seems like today is just review, and since I have a pretty sticky memory, I think I can get away with a little slacking off. I take my pencil and pull out some blank printing paper. Time to draw.

But what to draw...? With endless possibilities and only one piece of paper before me, choosing isn't the easiest task. I survey the room since drawing random items out of real life is good practice according to something I read somewhere. Instead of a thing, I focus on a person who's fast asleep. Suzume will make a fine model.

I start with her arm since it's up front. I figure I should start with the most difficult part, so I start drawing her hand. It's at a bit of an awkward angle, so all you can really see is the thumb and the knuckles. This won't be too hard at all.

After dwelling on her hand for a minute or two, I start drawing the rest of the arm. This part will be a little harder because I'm no good at foreshortening. My first attempt at drawing her elbow makes it took like a stubby disfigured thing. I erase and try again. This time is much better; It actually looks like her arm is bent now. Now to start on her face. I start with her cheek and work my way to her forehead. Once I have the outline, I start adding in facial features. I'm trying to keep it as feminine as she is, so I don't put too much detail on the nose, and give her a light sleeping expression. I look over and see that my interpretation is completely wrong. Her mouth is wide open and there's a small puddle of drool under her face...

Erase. Mouth open. Drool.

I've added that detail in while still trying to make her look a little graceful. It actually ended up looking a little cute. Then I add her hair, which is easy since it's in a braid. Then the body, and the folds of her clothes.

"Close enough," I whisper to myself. I'm never really totally satisfied with my drawings. There's always room for improvement. Takashi keeps on telling me that I should join the art club, that I'd be perfect for it. I'm content without extracurricular activities to waste my day after school.

All of my friends, minus Takashi, are club-less. After school we usually hang out in front of the dorms, talking about nothing. Sometimes Suzume brings a board game. Usually ones that she always wins at.

The wall clock says that there are still 20 minutes left in class. Damn.

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20 boring minutes later the bell for lunch rings. I start poking Suzume.

"Yo, Suzume. We need you alive!"

"Dumf, Asum." She mumbling something.

"What was that?" I punch her arm a little more forcefully that I intended.

She snaps into it pretty quickly, "What?"

"C'mon, lunch."

"Nice." She forces herself up and follows me out into the hallway.

The hallway has begun to slowly fill up with kids. I join the fray and begin making my way down to the cafeteria. I hate crowds. I might bump into someone and fall over, and then I'll look like a fool getting back up. When I fall, I'm a little less helpless that a turtle on its back, and if my leg braces aren't on then I'm just as pathetic. I take it slow and steady so that I don't trip. It's still difficult. There are people going to opposite way and I'm trying my best not to accidentally shoulder check someone.

I pass 3-3 and Takashi and Ritsu come out of the classroom and join us. Takashi looks irritated. His Tinnitus must be acting up.

Takashi got to this school at the same time as Suzume, the beginning of their first year. He has the same last name as me so people are always asking if we're related, which usually makes for some awkward moments. Every now and then his Tinnitus will start up and he'll start having a hard time hearing us. He says it's like a constant loud ringing in his ears that won't go away. Sometimes he has balance problems too. He's usually the serious one in the group, which is odd for anyone in the art club. He seems to have a crush on that Tezuka girl, though I'm not entirely sure Rin feels emotions like the rest of us.

I'm actually not sure when Ritsu got here. She started hanging out with our group at the start of this year. I think that Takashi roped her in sometime over summer break because she always clung to him a little since she joined us. She has Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, which I don't know too much about, except that it causes numbness and pain in her hands.

I don't see the new kid come out of the class, or maybe I didn't see him. I try to catch a glimpse of the inside of the class but I'm dragged along by the crowd before I can get a good look. Takashi, Ritsu, and Suzume take up their formation, protecting me from the crowd and making sure I don't fall.

"Hey, Azumi! Suzume!" Ritsu says over the buzz of the hall.

Suzume is still a bit groggy from her desk nap. "Hey, Ritsu."

"Hi, Ritsu," I say, "Hi, Takashi."

"Oh you may not want to bother him. He's kinda being a jerk today. Tinnitus and such."

"Shut up," Takashi speaks up, hearing Ritsu.

Ritsu laughs at his response. "See? He just proved my point!"

"Takashi you meanie!" Suzume fake whines at him. Takashi make a noise thats halfway between a growl and a whimper. We all start laughing together.

"Can we just get our food and get out of here?" Takashi sounds really annoyed. His face says he's hurting. We decide to stop joking around and pick up the pace down to the cafeteria. As we enter said cafeteria, Mako materializes in front of us.

"Hey, guys!" He practically yells at us.

"Ah!" Suzume is startled, falling back onto me. We almost fall over but Ritsu catches us. "Damnit, Mako!" Suzume scolds Mako. "Thanks Ritsu."

"Finally decided to show up today huh, Mako?" I ask with an accidentally condescending tone.

"Hey, believe it or not, I actually had a reason for not showing up today!"

"And what might that be?" Ritsu is rubbing her hands. Catching Suszume and I must have hurt them. She doesn't look like shes in too much pain though.

"You know that ramen I had for lunch yesterday?"

"That cheap crap you bought at the convenience store?"

"Yeah. It gave me food poisoning," He says with a snippy attitude.

"Damn." I try and sound apologetic for thinking he ditched.

"Well, I'm alright now, and I'm hungry, so let's go."

Mako leads the way to the lunch line. Mako has a classic case of epilepsy. His medication keeps it at bay most of the time, but occasionally he has an attack. Flashing lights also induce an attack every now and then. Takashi is used to picking him up. I'm okay with it too, but Suzume and Ritsu still panic when a seizure comes along.

Mako is a cool guy. His sense of humor is a bit dark, and his laughs are usually at other peoples expense, but he'd never do anything to actually hurt someone unless he felt like they really had it coming. He's always flirting with the ladies, even me. Although I'm fairly sure he's given up on me since every time he does it I flick him on the forehead. Suzume just brushes him off. Ritsu flirts back. The flirting is just friendly tomfoolery; he'd never actually date any of us. He is into a few girls on the track team though.

Ritsu and Takashi are the most likely ones to end up dating...

We grab our lunch and take our place in the front lawn of the school, under the oak tree. Takashi buries his face into the grass and holds his head as if he were having a migraine. Ritsu sits next to him and puts her hand on his back to comfort him. Suzume sits right up against the tree. Mako sits across from her, in the shade. And I sit off to the side between the two.

"So Ritsu, did you see the new kid?" I ask right off the bat, wasting no time.

"Yeah, his name is Hisao Nakai, and apparently he likes reading soccer." A smile spreads across her face. Like she's laughing at him. This guy must have done something embarrassing.

"You seem happy. What happened?"

She giggles a bit. "He tried to introduce himself. He could only get out like 3 sentences though. And it took him a full minute before he could spit that out! The only response from the class was Miki, the one handed girl clapping."

Mako interjects, "Woooow. Miki clapped at him? That had to be embarassing," He laughs a bit, "The kid sounds like a square.

Ritsu quickly responds, "No, it's just first day jitters. I mean he just showed up at a school for cripples, and whatever brought him here was recent. Otherwise he would have come here sooner. Besides," she looks down and blushes a bit, "It was kind of cute."

This catches Takashi's ear. "I thought I was cute." His voice is muffled by the grass.

"Shut up, you." She pats Takashi's back as gesture for him to be quiet. He grunts and resumes his adventures in the ground. "Anyway, he got put next to Shizune and Misha. I imagine they've dragged him off somewhere."

"Damn. I feel for that kid. With Misha there, he's likely to go deaf just like Shizune." Mako jokes.

"That' only if Shizune doesn't crush him with her iron fist first." Suzume adds in.

After we're done laughing at the poor guy I ask another question, "Do you know what his disability is?"

"No, he looks completely normal so it's something internal."

"Ah, I see." I say. But, I'm still curious. "What does he look like?"

"Well he seems a bit sad, but that's expected of new guys. The only feature that really stands out is this little tuft of hair that pokes up in front of his head."

"So what have you been up to?" Ritsu asks, changing the subject.

I'm pretty sure that that's all I'm going to get out of Ritsu.

"Well Suzume slept through class and I drew a picture of it." I smile mischivously as Suzume looks at me with a surprised expression.

"Oh really?" Mako pops in, "Let us see it."

"Yeah Azumi, show us!" Ritsu exclaims.

As I pull out the picture I can see Suzume's cheeks turning red. "Here you go."

They look at the picture and Mako bursts out laughing. Ritsu at least tries to stop herself, but alas, she fails. Suzume looks at the picture and turns beat red.

"I don't look like that when I sleep!" She whines throwing the paper at me.

"It might as well be a photograph." I'm giggling now too.

Takashi hears us and gets up to look at the picture. Even he starts laughing a bit. Suzume is still red in the face and she's trying her best to look mad and not to laugh. I love moments like these when we can all laugh at each other.

I fall back into the grass still laughing a little bit, and stare up into the sky.

The biggest grin slides onto my face. I love you guys...

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I still have no idea what I'm doing. I hope I described the characters well enough and that they seem as fun as they do inside my head.

I also tried my best to make this one longer than the first. I think I succeeded based on my scroll bar.

Stay tuned for the next episode: Act 1 - Part 3: Rescue Mission.

Lumi wrote:Diabetes, missing limbs, Autism, Deafness, Muscular Dystrophy, Scoliosis, Boneitis... Wait. Wasn't that last one from a cartoon or something?
Out. Shoo thoughts!

Bahahaha! Good reference!

Lumi wrote:Suzume can't see the board very well with her partial blindness, so I take her notes for her while she closes her eyes and listens. I honestly think she just sleeps through it sometimes thouthat gh.

-coughs-

Lumi wrote:He seems to have a crush on that Tezuka girl, though I'm not entirely sure Rin feels emotions like the rest of us.

It's commonly thought that he resents Rin (possibly hates) for always being the apple of Nomiya's eye, and starts going out with Molly just before Hisao arrives... But I'mma shut up and let you tell your story.
Keep up the good work.

It's commonly thought that he resents Rin (possibly hates) for always being the apple of Nomiya's eye, and starts going out with Molly just before Hisao arrives... But I'mma shut up and let you tell your story.

That is the version in one or two other fics around here. It is in no way canon and even "commonly thought" is probably pushing it.

Please do not let your imagination be constrained by things like that. I like seeing alternate takes on characters who we know very little about, and a Takashi/Rin pairing would certainly be interesting.

Mirage_GSM wrote:

JTemby wrote:It's commonly thought that he resents Rin (possibly hates) for always being the apple of Nomiya's eye, and starts going out with Molly just before Hisao arrives... But I'mma shut up and let you tell your story.

That is the version in one or two other fics around here. It is in no way canon and even "commonly thought" is probably pushing it.

Please do not let your imagination be constrained by things like that. I like seeing alternate takes on characters who we know very little about, and a Takashi/Rin pairing would certainly be interesting.

Yep, definitely going to "Shut up and let you tell your story"

JTemby wrote:

Lumi wrote:Diabetes, missing limbs, Autism, Deafness, Muscular Dystrophy, Scoliosis, Boneitis... Wait. Wasn't that last one from a cartoon or something?
Out. Shoo thoughts!

Bahahaha! Good reference!

Lumi wrote:Suzume can't see the board very well with her partial blindness, so I take her notes for her while she closes her eyes and listens. I honestly think she just sleeps through it sometimes thouthat gh.

-coughs-

Lumi wrote:He seems to have a crush on that Tezuka girl, though I'm not entirely sure Rin feels emotions like the rest of us.

It's commonly thought that he resents Rin (possibly hates) for always being the apple of Nomiya's eye, and starts going out with Molly just before Hisao arrives... But I'mma shut up and let you tell your story.
Keep up the good work.

I'm only smart enough to make it match KS. If it matches other fan works then that's just icing on the cake

That was a very enjoyable little slice of life chapter, you did a good job of introducing and fleshing out the new cast, and I always like to read tales of the characters just relaxing and doing everyday things. Of course, the plot has to progress eventually so that can't go on forever, but I'm sure you know that, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this chapter at all. The Ritsu/Takashi thing you've got going on is really cute, and your main character's personality is pretty easy to discern, which is good.

I still can't help but wonder who the new kid is. My mind just keeps running through possibilities. Diabetes, missing limbs, Autism, Deafness, Muscular Dystrophy, Scoliosis, Boneitis... Wait. Wasn't that last one from a cartoon or something?

While some of the student's at Yamaku's need to be there is sketchy at best, I'm pretty certain that autism would fall under the category of mental disabilities, which Yamaku doesn't cater to. Things like epilepsy or narcolepsy, while somewhat similar, can still have a physical effect on the individual, so it's understandable there.

Overall a good chapter, please keep it up.

Scissorlips wrote:

I still can't help but wonder who the new kid is. My mind just keeps running through possibilities. Diabetes, missing limbs, Autism, Deafness, Muscular Dystrophy, Scoliosis, Boneitis... Wait. Wasn't that last one from a cartoon or something?

While some of the student's at Yamaku's need to be there is sketchy at best, I'm pretty certain that autism would fall under the category of mental disabilities, which Yamaku doesn't cater to. Things like epilepsy or narcolepsy, while somewhat similar, can still have a physical effect on the individual, so it's understandable there.

*ahem*

Being autistic myself, and having met a lot of people with autism, people can still function normally with it (like myself) while some cant. Although it's not severe enough to strain physical movement, a higher functioning form of autism (or it's sister disability known as aspergers syndrome) wont impede the lifestyle of an individual, and a student having this could potentially be accepted into Yamaku without being unstable enough to be considered mentally disabled. But nonetheless, low-functioning autism student's wouldn't be accepted in. as most have numerous social problems which can include a lack of apathy and/or empathy, carelessness, stuttering or incomprehensible speech, social awkwardness, sudden acts of violence and major learning impediments.

Just two cents from your local autistic.