Katawa Shoujo Forums

(Once again, a new project has begun. I shall pray it will not fall apart like the others. I have a good idea as to how this one will go, so enjoy the beginnings of a new story!)

I don't want to get up, but it's not because I'm still tired. Okay, maybe a little bit, but regardless it's mostly something else.

It's a feeling I've felt before, although I quite can't remember when.

It just feels like today is not going to be my day. Like something bad is going to happen today, possibly to me. But my memory doesn't serve me well as to whenever these feelings have been accurate enough...

Wait, memories. Memories, memories, memories. Remembering... what?

Great. It's already a great day.

I can't remember a thing.


That gut feeling
The adventure begins with nary a memory to recall upon.


My eyes open on their own accord; all of my previous exhaustion vanishing with panic overcoming it. I shoot up straight in bed and quickly look around.

This room... isn't mine. But whoever it belongs to, that person has no style. The walls are empty and white, the furniture is bland, and there's nothing around that shows off the personality of whomever lives in this room. Well, at least from that I deducted that the person has no taste whatsoever. But that doesn't matter. The more pressuring issue at hand is one in my head.

I... don't remember anything...

It's like I'm put smack-dab into the beginning of a really cheesy anime show. A random dude -or lady in some cases- wakes up to no memories and finds out that the world is after him/her.

...

"OH CRAP!"

With my panic level reaching well over nine thousand, I waste no time jumping out of bed and giving one last glance around the room and looking out the window.

...Well, good. Doesn't seem like I'm going to die today. But now my heart is racing quite fast. Calm down, deep breaths. In, out. In out...

After calming myself down, I take a look outside again. The snow falling give the time of the winter season. The window is frosted over on the edges as snow sticks to the ledge. Only after seeing the snow do I realize how cold it really is. I look around for a dresser or closet of some sort and sort through the clothes there. A school winter uniform, regular, bland clothing...

Really? Who the hell wears sweater vests anymore? I end up wearing the school winter uniform plus an extra coat. More likely then not it's going to be a school day today, so better to have it and-

"School day?"

I can't even remember what today is. A look at a digital clock near my bed shows six-twenty in the morning. The sun must be barely rising at this time. It also seems to be in the middle of February; the 14th to be exact. Wednesday.

"Yep, a school day of all days. Damn it, I don't even know who I am."

Well, it's not a good time to be sulking now. I better fix this amnesia soon by at least getting some starting information. Right, knowledge is power. A look at the desk shows a wallet, and a search of said wallet gives me a library card ID.

"Hisao Nakai..."

Doesn't even ring a bell. But it does also show the school this Hisao goes to and his grade along with his full name.

"But no bells are ringing yet..."

Angels getting wings be damned, the less I know about whoever this person is the slower I try to figure out what is going on.

"I'm gonna have to go to the school like this, huh?"

Even though sighing doesn't help, I let one out anyway. Help me out here, Hisao. What am I suppose to do?

"Hicchan, are you up yet?"

A womanly voice comes from below, and I'm temporarily put on guard.

"You should be getting up soon to get ready for school today. I already made your lunch downstairs, so come get it whenever you're up!"

Oh, this must be Hisao's mother. I must have guessed so in the first place. This -is- his house, right? He practically has all of his regular possessions here: clothing to his size, wallet, cellphone, a mother to his beck and call, etcetera. But, am I ready to be Hisao Nakai? I don't even know who he is, other then he is quite bland.

"Well, the world doesn't wait for those who fall behind."

Right, it's better to take this head-on. Maybe I'll learn a few more things about who this guy is. This guy who I'm supposedly am.

Even as I'm walking down the stairs, I still can't shake uncomfortable the feeling away...

I am not Hisao Nakai. This person is a stranger to me.

But then, who AM I?

--------

Morning passes by with less interruptions, but I do get the occasional stare from Hisao's mother as I try to gain the necessary information about this person whose body I've inherited (if that's the case, and I'm really NOT Hisao, which would be even stranger). Using the address of the house, the name of the school he attends and the great power that is the internet, I'm able to find out the path way to school: a 15-20 minute walk on flat ground, depending if you can make the crossing lights in time or not. Since the school starts at 8:30, I still had time to gather up any last things I needed for the school itself. I also took a look at my physical stature. Fairly healthy, but the little annoying hair in the front of my head never goes down no matter how many times I brushed it down.

"I don't think I could live with that..." I thought at the time, even if I didn't really know who I even was. When the hour of eight struck, I left the house on my own(which seemed to be normal for Hisao, as his mother gave no objection to it), I left for the school. Along the way, I kept repeating the information I had learned about this person in my head.

Hisao Nakai. 18 years old, Junior. Healthy body, about 175 cm in height. Slight interest in soccer and chess, but not really a big fan of anything in particular. A very average guy.

How boring. I can't even imagine what his friends would be like.

"Morning Hisao!"

Speak of the damn devil. I turn to look at yet another bland-looking male. At least he seems energetic in the morning. Wait, oh crap. I'm supposed to respond to him as a friend, huh?

"Morning..." Damn, this feels awkward.

"You don't seem quite active this morning."

"I woke up late." Overused, yes, but acceptable nonetheless.

"Well, can't be helped sometimes. We better head to class."

"Right." I hate being bland, but I gotta be Hisao right now. I'm not used to being this person yet, so I can't simply change to who I really am... whoever that may be. Hisao's friend walks into the school building ahead of me and I follow behind him.

Here I go into the jaws of the unknown. I better get out of here fine...

-------

School is bland as well. How can someone live like this? Where's the action, the suspense? Or should I just stop believing I've been put in the middle of a show? I'm thinking over this during lunch when I get the math book out to find a slip of paper showing out of the pages.

"Well, what do we have here?"

I insisted to Hisao's friends that I'd be alone in the classroom for lunch today, just so I could sort things out. But now another mystery has arrived. I open the book and take the slit out to find a simple note written on it. It's a girls handwriting.

Please come outside between the forest edge and the cafeteria at 4PM after school.

"...I'll be damned."

Bland Hisao gets to have a confession? What kind of a person IS he? He gets to be the most plain person on the face of the planet and I...

Oh no. The bad feeling from this morning comes again. Is this going to be a confession? Do I accept it if it is? What would Hisao do, o genuine master of romance?

This shouldn't be happening. I knew today was going to be a bad day, but something tells me I should just go out there anyway, after school at 4PM. This... has to be important, right? Maybe whoever this girl is, assuming it is one, can inadvertently tell me more about who this Hisao is. Who knows, maybe he isn't all I'm just guessing him to be. Maybe he could've been a friend of mine if I wasn't in this strange of a position.

Or maybe something like this is supposed to happen, no matter how bad it could really be.

"Alright... I'll go."

Fate, you're on. Come at me with whatever you've got, because you won't be coming at Hisao Nakai, but ME...

Whoever I am. That's still irritating.

-------

It's cold outside. Light breezes sway the branches overhead, some snow falling like clumps into the ground. I check the note again, and I seem to be in the right place. From this view, I don't think the teachers could see anyone here, and the obstructing snow makes seeing far in the distance a pain. This is the perfect place for a secret meeting, which I seemingly am apart of...

"Or will be in a few minutes, I hope."

A check of the cellphone shows it already being 4PM, the time listed on the note, yet not a single soul is in sight. I came here early, as I assumed a gentlemen like Hisao would do, but time has been dragging along slowly. Only the slow fall of the snow and the occasional breeze show any sign of the continuing of time.

Then finally, footsteps.

"Hi... Hisao? You came?" The voice is soft and dainty, definitely a girl's voice. There's also uneasiness in her tone, as well as a sense of relief.

"Yea, I came." Bland, just like Hisao. Damn, this is even hurting myself. I finally turn around to meet this person-in-question.

Dark blue eyes are looking in my direction accompanied by black hair which reaches a little bit past her shoulders. Her sweater and scarf, both dark blue, accommodate to the fact that she's wearing a damn skirt during winter. I wish the school system had a bit more sense, but at least she's also wearing stockings to warm her legs. She's only slightly shorter then Hisao; she barely seems to pass higher then Hisao's shoulders, and her form seems to be well and healthy. At least she's a bit cute, and not as bland as this Hisao is.

"I'm very glad you got the note... I asked a friend to give it to you, so I wasn't sure if you got it or not."

"Well, I got it in the end. Isn't that what matters?" I offer a light smile with my words.

Wait, my words... Shouldn't I try to be Hisao? Or will my own personality be fine for this?

"Yes... yes it is." She gives off her own smile at me. Damn, shes really cute, the heart is beginning to race already. "You seem to be in a good mood today."

"Oh, really?" Is Hisao just down most of the day? Who would fall in love with a guy like that? Maybe he has his up moments as well, but as for me, this is just who I am. Will that be fine for this girl? She giggles a bit in response, but then gets her posture back up after a light breeze passes by.

"You see..."

And it begins. Hisao's body tenses up, but I try to keep my mind clear. What she may want to ask of me may be obvious at this point, but I must be prepared for anything.

Thump thump.

Even my chest... wait.

"I wanted to know..."

Thump thump.

"If you-"

"Wait." I barely croak out. It feels bad to stop a girl during a confession, but something is not right.

THUMP THUMP.

My hands clench on instinct. Pain is shooting though my body, and I instinctively fall to my knees.

"Hisao?!" And she's worried now too. I can only guess the panicked look on her face. I face down and wince, keeping my hands over my chest. Come on, do what you did this morning. In, out, deep breaths.

Thump thump.

The pain is nearly unbearable, but I can't seem to cry out in pain. I can only breathe. In, out, in out.

"Hisao!?"

Thump thump.

Is this punishment for angering the Hisao god? Have I called him bland and normal too much? Did I overdo the teasing? If there is a Hisao god out there, I repent to thee! Repent I say, repent!

Thump thump. Thump thump.

...

After what feels like an eternity of hurt, it feels like time is catching back up when I open my eyes again. I'm still on my knees, and I'm covered in sweat. I look up to probably the most worried face in the world.

"Hi... Hisao?" Her eyes look like she's about to cry, and her body is trembling just as much as mine is. "What... was that?"

"I... don't know." Was it really punishment? Do I need to make a shrine for the body I've inherited?

"Are you alright?" She asks again. This girl, who I don't even know the name of, is very worried about me. Well, I guess that's the normal instinct after what just happened.

"I'm... weak..." My body aches as I try to stand up, and I need a tree in the end to support me.

"Please stay right there, I'll go get a nurse!" She runs off through the snow, and pain shoots through my body when I try to yell out to her to stop. Soon, she's out of sight.

So... what was that? I sit back on the ground leaning against the tree as I try to piece together what just happened. First, I fell very weak, and my chest felt like it was going to rip open...

A heart attack? So much for being healthy, and Isn't Hisao a bit to young to be having these sorts of things? Then again, I don't know everything about him, and about this body I've somehow come to be in.

But this also meant my intuition for this event was right. Could I have died if I wasn't ready for something like this to happen? Come to think of it, this almost happened in the morning too, to a lesser extent. Maybe if Hisao himself got into this, things could have gone differently. Was his fate -or mine now- changed because I was in control of the body instead of him?

Fate... do you have a sick sense of humor? I really didn't mean what I meant during lunch time.

The girl should be coming back soon, hopefully. I guess I'll need to ask her name, even if Hisao already knows her. Because I don't.

I've changed fate in my own way. This body is mine now, and I'll carry on with it.

Sorry Hisao, your shrine will need to wait.

Ooooooooooooo

A mystery.

It seems interesting so far.

Eprlide wrote: Is this punishment for angering the Hisao god? Have I called him bland and normal too much? Did I overdo the teasing? If there is a Hisao god out there, I repent to thee! Repent I say, repent!

I like the way you think
Interesting story btw, can't wait to see how it turns out.
I'm guessing that you're writing this from your perspective, right? Imagining what it would be like if you were Hisao?

(Nice to see other people are enjoying this. Time for part two!)

I can't see.

Many factors are applying here, but I can't see a damn thing regardless. It's too dark to make sense of anything, and all the lights are so blurry that I couldn't tell the difference between a lamp post and a candle.

All I know is that I'm approaching something. Or rather, something happened. Something happened and I'm coming over to check it out. But why? Why am I getting involved?

My thoughts stop when I get there. Or rather, everything stops.

And everything turns cold until I really can't see anymore.

Reevaluation
The new Hisao looks back on himself, the dream, and the girl.

Again I'm shot out of my sleep, but now for a different reason. I try to calm myself down, but the constant beeping in the room is getting me more irritated.

Wait, what? I take a look around the room I'm in. White, and very bland. More bland then the room I awoke in last time, but the smell of disinfectant is giving a depressing tone to it.

Oh right, I'm in a hospital. I was taken here after that girl came back with a nurse and explaining my condition. That was yesterday, right? I can't tell how much time has passed, but a quick look at the clock shows it to be 10 AM on Thursday the 15th, one day after I awoke in this body without a single memory.

This must be the best luck in the damn world. I groan as I weakly lie back down on the bed and try to recall what happened yesterday, but my thoughts are stopped as a doctor enters the room.

"Hisao Nakai, right?" I manage to nod as I try to get comfortable in the hospital bed, which soon becomes an impossible feat. "I would recommend you not to move due to the equipment attached to you. We wouldn't want that hurting you or coming off."

"I think I'm too weak to do that..." I mumble out as I look back at the doctor. "Mind telling me what you've figured out?" He gets an uneasy expression on his face on my question; a sign that nothing is good. Well, why not add more to the pile already?

"If you're ready, I'll tell you. Not everything is confirmed yet, but we're quite sure we've got the basic idea of what's going on."

"Well, shoot. I'm ready."

-------

It takes an hour and a half to evaluate everything the doctor has to say along with questions from both me and him. Once he leaves the room I'm given time to think everything over.

So the poor Hisao guy has had a heart condition from birth named Cardiac dysrhythmia, more commonly known as Arrhythmia, and it involves the irregular heat beats either going to fast or to slow, either case prone to causing fatal heart attacks. Luckily, he's never had an incident in his entire life, and even more so that the first time it happened that he was able to prevent it from becoming a full-on heart attack (when it really was ME all along, whenever this Hisao really does exist or not). This also explains the beeping, which is coming from an EKG to make sure nothing else happens. To prevent such events from happening again in the future, two things are going to happen.

1: I'm going to be taking pills every day and night, which hasn't been evaluated yet as to which ones I will be taking. Those results will come in later tests.

2: The hospital is going to be doing surgery to implant a pacemaker into my chest, which will give small shocks to the heart that will make it beat when it should, therefore overlapping the irregular overlay. Or something like that.

And the last part was that even if I manage to be stable with this condition after all of this, It's not likely I'll live past thirty, and definitely not past forty. Hisao's body is already 17, and will be 18 in a few weeks time, which means that most likely more then half of his life, now mine, has already gone. And even if I'm this Hisao, I can't remember anything from that time he already spent.

That's why I asked for a book on amnesia from the doctor as an excuse to pass time. In reality, I was going to see if I could recover any memories at all about myself, which if I do, could be a big help. The book gave explanations on the different types of amnesia, and what events could occur that can trigger amnesia. Anterograde Amnesia is basically short-term memory loss, while Retrograde amnesia is more what I have; the sudden forgetting of one's memories after an incident. It is said that there are cases where the victim may never recover the lost memories, but can otherwise go on through life unhindered. If one is to regain memories, it would most likely start with events before the incident which caused the amnesia to trigger, as the incident itself is most likely never recalled even if told by an outside source and is given evidence. Sometimes, memories can even be regained while in sleep, as dreams are based off of prior events in life.

In dreams? I woke up to a startle this morning, something out of a nightmare almost. Could that dream just be a connection to my lost memory? No wonder I couldn't see anything; the dream is most likely incomplete in it's weak form. The book said it was best to wait for the events to come out on their own, and that trying to force memories to recover would only hinder the process. Basically, the best way for my memory to be restored is to not worry about it.

That'll be easy, I already have a lot of other things to worry about, like broken hearts. And more likely then not, not just mine.

-------

"Hisao Nakai?" The doctor asks as he knocks on the door. Doctor Shigure if I recall, I can tell from his voice.

"Still awake. Anything up?" He opens the door and gives a quick around the room, probably for safety, before talking.

"You have visitors." I'm promptly confused.

"Already?" I check the clock. It seems I wasted quite a lot of time on the book I was given. 4:26 in the afternoon now. Maybe I went to sleep again, who knows.

"Yes. Should I let them in now?" Now I need to think. First, I hide the book on Amnesia away before looking back at him.

"Go on ahead, sir." Now, with still a lot of memories gone, this can give me a chance to regain some information on what Hisao was like and any extra information on what happened. I just need to act like I need to be told whats going on. The way I am now isn't like Hisao from what I've figured out already so I need some sort of a convincing mask that makes me look clueless.

Time to act, here comes the audience. As I can hear them begin to approach the door, I lie myself flat against the bed and try to put on my best tired look.

"Hey Hisao." Oh, that guy. The one I first met. Two other people follow in behind him, another boy and a girl. "The class made some get-well cards for ya. Sort of a class project we did."

"Oh?" I *weakly* lifted my head to see the small basket of gift cards, then let my head fall back onto the pillow. "Guess that leaves me something to do..."

"Jeez Hisao, you look like crap." Seems the act is working its magic, as shown by the other boy.

"It's not my fault..." The true reality of the situation is different though; nobody is at fault. Nobody is to blame. Hisao had this condition ever since birth, so something like this was going to happen --eventually--. That girl just so happened to be the trigger. An unfortunate situation that could have gone a lot worse. I can barely imagine the thought of having someone die right before your eyes... Unbearable, especially when it's someone you know.

"Well, I can imagine why Iwanako wouldn't want to come anyway..." I tilt my head at them at the mention of a name.

"Who...?"

"Iwanako." The girl speaks up now. "Miss Daidouji? Surely you remember..."

"Right..." I avert my gaze, even though -I- don't want to. It's frustrating, but I've gotten a big piece of the puzzle already. I've gotten her name.

Iwanako. Iwanako Daidouji, name filed and saved well into my mind for later use.

"But it's not her fault either, really..." I slowly look back at them, keeping my voice hoarse and weak. "Why isn't she here anyway?" The "other" guy sighs.

"She didn't come to school today. Nobody knows exactly why, but the general reason is... obvious." It's hard for them to talk about as well. Hisao, my current mask, would be feeling the same as well, but I'm not one to be set back by stuff like this.

"Do you think..." I shift a bit in the bed to get a better look at them, still trying to look weak and tired. "She'll come?" The group pauses at this until the girl speaks up.

"Probably... if you wanted her to." My gaze goes directly to her as she explains further. "I can probably leave a message for her saying you want her to come over."

"I... would like it if you could tell her that." This is probably a bit pushy on my part, since someone like her may not regain her confidence so shortly. This, however, is out of the necessity for information. Hisao would probably wait until she could come on her own, but not me. If I need to live like myself, I need to act like myself.

"Alright, will do." The girl pulls out her phone and begins to text.

"Thanks a lot, um...." The confusion and exhaustion gag gets easier to play the longer you can keep it up.

"Reo." She responds as Reo puts away her phone. "You're really forgetful today, huh?"

"One of those days..." I mumble out while moving away my head and my gaze.

"Well, the rest of the class will come when you feel better, so just read the cards until then." The friend says, putting the basket on the desk.

"Okay..." I rest my head back and take a few deep breaths. "Thanks for coming..."

They each give their good luck and farewells as they depart the room, leaving me alone with the basket of cards and the big book on amnesia.

Well... if they're gonna be visiting soon, might as well get to know some names. If they are all going to be coming sometime, I can prepare for them with whatever the cards can give me. I reach for the basket and put it on the bed. Digging through the cards, I grab one and begin reading.

-------

(Feedback and comments are always appreciated!)

and the mystery deepens...
This fic interests me. It promises to be much, and I can see the general direction in which you are going.
Definitely I would like to see this carried out. Fanfic writers in general often earn my respect, and especially since you seem to be writing with a new perspective on things, that only makes it more worth reading.

Ok, now for the constructive criticism.
I felt that the pacing of the story was a little bit awkward, you skimmed a little bit over the arrythmia thing which I think you could have elaborated more on.
Might be because its overdone in KS itself, but nevertheless you could have stressed it a little more.
And the tone is odd. Sometimes the Hisao-newguy amalgation seems to have a badass tone; sometimes he seems to be speaking from the point of a scientist, which is a little jarring.
The dream scene is also a little too vague(on purpose, I know, I know), but it just so weird and it doesn't make sense. Well, I hope your next post nullfies this point!

Ok I'm not a writer by trade, so my interpretation may not be right. I'll just focus now on the more technical errors
_____________________________________

Eprlide wrote: White, more bland the room I awoke in last time,

huh?

Eprlide wrote:The hospital is going to be during surgery to implant a pacemaker into my chest

I believe you meant 'doing'

Eprlide wrote:I woke up to a startle this morning, something out of a nightmare almost.

You probably meant "I woke up startled this morning, almost as if I was jolted out of a nightmare"

Eprlide wrote:In reality, I was going to see if I could recover anything about myself, and confirm whenever I really am Hisao or my nagging intuition is right

Something about this sentence doesn't seem right. Can't pinpoint what.

Eprlide wrote:[Decline her offer]
[Leave Iwanako a message]

Choosing paths is funny, but superfluous. It's ok if you are doing a CYOA thing (see Cpl_crud's post on those btw), but I don't really think Fan fiction should do that. Unless it rocks your boat.

Eprlide wrote:... I reach for the basket and begin spending the rest of my day.

incomplete sentence, I think.

Sorry for criticising so much. I really like this fic, I do.
Don't worry, good writing comes with practice! Don't give up!

hernytan wrote:and the mystery deepens...
This fic interests me. It promises to be much, and I can see the general direction in which you are going.
Definitely I would like to see this carried out. Fanfic writers in general often earn my respect, and especially since you seem to be writing with a new perspective on things, that only makes it more worth reading.

Ok, now for the constructive criticism.
I felt that the pacing of the story was a little bit awkward, you skimmed a little bit over the arrythmia thing which I think you could have elaborated more on.
Might be because its overdone in KS itself, but nevertheless you could have stressed it a little more.
And the tone is odd. Sometimes the Hisao-newguy amalgation seems to have a badass tone; sometimes he seems to be speaking from the point of a scientist, which is a little jarring.
The dream scene is also a little too vague(on purpose, I know, I know), but it just so weird and it doesn't make sense. Well, I hope your next post nullfies this point!

The story itself is suppose to be a mystery, so trying to explain anything which you criticize on would be spoilers. The dream, his attitude and mostly everything else will have a point to it.

You'll see... sometime later.

Eprlide wrote: The story itself is suppose to be a mystery, so trying to explain anything which you criticize on would be spoilers. The dream, his attitude and mostly everything else will have a point to it.

You'll see... sometime later.

Wahahaha~!
Glad I am, to hear that. You don't need to explain anything, really, I'm just giving my two cents worth, and you can choose to ignore or accept it as you wish.
Keep it up!

I'm in a hurry. There's a panic where I'm heading off to, and I need to see what's going on.

I still can't see, but I can only assume I'll get a better look once I get close enough to see whats going on.

I can sense the panic, but most of my other senses are not responding. I can barely see, there's no sound, I can't feel a thing, and it seems I'm going to fast for smell to be a factor.

But there's one thing I do feel above all else, an inner emotion that increases my resolve.

I feel a sense of loss coming from the panicked crowd; one which vanishes along with everything else as the world stops and turns very, very cold...

Mission Start!
A visit from Iwanako strengthens the resolve of the new Hisao.

Every startled awakening brings forth the new day. As I control my breathing and my heart rate, I check the clock to confirm the time. 11:24 on the cold morning of Sunday the 18th, making this day 4 since the incident. It seems to be snowing outside again as well.

Friday was a hectic day. The rest of the class came over to visit, and even though I had read the cards they made before-hand, trying to recognize who-was-who was quite the difficult task. After that, I managed to do my typical Hisao impersonation (which I hope is not angering the god who doth had send down thy wrath upon me before) to "get along" with the class, while the task was harder for those who were Hisao's friends. The worst was when his family came over, though. Mom and Dad were simple, but the outer-family like aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents made things a total mind boggle. But above all, there was one big piece of information I got out of that day.

Iwanako was going to be visiting me on Sunday, and now today is the day.

Even now I'm a bit nervous thinking about it. This girl liked Hisao for who he is; something I am not. She said when I was acting myself that Hisao was in a happy mood, as if implying that Hisao was usually down-to-earth and generic about everything he did. Someone like that in my mind would need some kind of a push to really begin to do things, something to change their view of life so that they can change themselves, and possibly others in the process.

Maybe if Hisao did survive the confession if it happened to him, that would be his push into a new world.

But I am a completely different person in those aspects. I was already feeling uneasy about the situation, and put myself on guard. I managed to stop the worse-case scenario, and I'm accepting the new reality that I'm coming to live in. The reason why is simple, yet saddening:

I have nothing to retreat to, to wish that things could be -this- way instead. I can only move on from here if my past comes up empty-handed. I have no previous reference.

"Damn this feels weird." I groan as I try to get comfortable on the hospital bed, which still has yet to offer me results. Loosing memories after the incident might me plausible IF I actually fainted and somehow hit my head on a tree. But I had lost my memories on the morning of, before the event took place. Why, and how? Nobody seemed to be worried for me seriously when I was trying to be Hisao at school, so what kind of event could have caused me to forget everything?

My only lead, which might be wrong anyway, is the nightmare I keep having, which is getting clearer and clearer every time. I can only wait in that sense, much like I can only await for visiting hours to open.

And how I can only pray that Iwanako will actually come today.

-------

It's almost two when I get a knock on the door.

"Hisao Nakai, you have visitors." I don't know if I'm ready. Iwanako has been the only person to see "my" personality so far; one devoid of apathy and genericness. Once going out, there is no going back, and I'm remembered of my first thought that pushed me out of Hisao's room.

"The world doesn't wait for those who fall behind..." I mummer softly to myself before looking at the door. "Let them in, I'm ready." I don't know who might be with Iwanako, but the question is answered once two young woman enter the room.

"Hey sleepy head, feeling better?" The girl I now know as Reo enters in first with Iwanako slowly making her way in afterward. Her eyes are downcast, her movements short and slow while she does her best not to make eye contact with me. Reo, on the other hand, acts like the other two times she's entered here; pretty calm and chill.

"Getting better every day it seems." I roll my head around a bit to loosen up. "Least until the surgery begins." Iwanako flinches noticeably at those words.

"Surgery?" Reo asks. "What for anyway?"

"To get my heart into a correct rhythm." I look at Reo, going into scientifically-knowledgeable mode. "Since my heart is heating irregularly, they're gonna put something in my chest that sends a shock into my heart to force it to beat. It's called a pacemaker." During this conversation, Reo seems to relax more, but Iwanako looks confused. I can't blame her; I must be acting differently then what she presumed "Hisao" would act like. How will this change things?

"Seems like someone did their research, as always." Reo flashes me a grin, which I respond with one of my own. "Well, I can't hang around here for forever and a day. My job is done, so take care you two." Iwanako immediately panics at the sight of her beginning to exit the room.

"Reo, wait..." Her plea goes unanswered as the door shuts behind Reo, which now leaves just me and Iwanako in the room.

"..."

"Well...." I turn to face her, trying to break the uneasy tension in the room. "I really appreciate you coming to visit me today. I did ask Reo to leave you a message telling you that. I was worried if you were going to come or not." Her face only becomes more complicated as I talk, like she's trying to sort something out in her mind. "It's snowing today, just like on that day." Iwanako visibly shudders at my words, not even bothering to look outside with me. "The view is great from here, getting a good lookout to the rest of town. I really want to just go out there and do something out there in the snow for the rest of the day, but those days will need to-"

"You..." Iwanako finally speaks up, stopping my attempt at small talk. "You don't need to push yourself."

...Huh?

"Beg your pardon?"

"I said..." She looks very uneasy, like she's fighting something inside of her head. "You don't need to push yourself like this." Her face looks away, looking at the pathway to the door. "You don't need to put a smile on your face, acting like everything is normal around here." Iwanako looks back at me, straight in the eye. "Aren't you in pain, Hisao?" Hisao, always Hisao. Hisao would be...

He would be in a lot of pain, most likely. Perhaps borderline unbearable, especially when she would come to visit him like this. But, Hisao is not here; only his body containing the heart condition known as Arrhythmia is in this hospital. As for me...

"Not really, this is bearable enough." At my own true statement, she winces and looks away. It's like being true to myself is only hurting her.

"Like I said, you don't need to push yourself Hisao. Putting on a mask isn't going to help anything going on here. Why can't you accept the facts on whats going on?" She refrains from eye contact again, her hands curling into fists.

"Are you saying..." This question is such an ironic statement it might be funny, but not in this situation. If she believes it, though, I won't be sure of what to do. "That I'm not Hisao?" Iwanako looks at me with a confused look and shakes her head.

"I'm just saying you don't need to keep straining yourself. You just need to look at what really happened." What really happened? I was out in the snow when I prevented myself from having a full-on heart attack while you and got medical assistance to help me...

Oh, I get it. An attack she caused, because she was there when it happened. She asked me to go there so she could confess to Hisao, and said confession caused his heart to strain enough so that the incident could take place...

Or so she thinks.

"You're asking me to condemn you?" Her head lowers further to the ground and doesn't say a word. Bullseye. "Iwanako, it's not your fault. Something like this was going to happen to me eventually. Some time later on in life my heart would have eventually fluttered too hard and caused an incident if it didn't happen on that day. It just happened to be an unfortunate event that we got ourselves into that caused it to happen. You don't need to feel like this is all your fault, Iwanako. You wanted to being me out there for something and it was the time for my condition to reveal itself. So..." I take a breath, making sure she isn't ignoring my words. "Don't feel like I'm here because of you." Her hands open up and she remains just looking at the ground for a long time. Finally, she moves in the directions of the doorway going back to the rest of the hospital.

"Whatever strength you've somehow gained..." She stops and looks back at me, her eyes full of pain, sadness and conflict. "If only I could have a fraction of it..."

"Iwanako..." She resumes her walk going to the door. The path of sorrow she's laid out for herself, believing she is the one that should have all the blame, claiming that she is too weak to think otherwise and just running away from any help that is offered to her...

I'm not one to have that happen to her.

"Wait!" Just as she opens the door a bit, she stops at my words and looks back at me. I'm not sure why I'm really doing something out-of-line for Hisao, but there difference between myself and him wont matter in the long run. If I never become Hisao again, which might be a possibility, then I just need to accept the terms of who I am, which I have already done for myself. All that's left if the rest of the world, starting with her. She needs a push too, now that I see it in her, to get out of her comfort zone. I don't think she can just be fine thinking that everything will come down on her eventually. More so, I don't think I can let a heart-torn girl just lament on her own.

I'm not letting another one down again...

"Please come back whenever you can." I offer my farewells to her for today along with a request as she silently exits the room. The atmosphere in the room diminishes as I'm left on my own again in my own thoughts and recollections. Out of everything that happened today, one tiny note does make me grin.

"I'm not letting another one down again, huh?"

See? I am getting my memories back, somehow. If I can preserve though these events, Iwanako can to. Everyone has strength, you just need to really go for it in order to find it.

Just wait and see, Iwanako. I can make you strong too.

Really intriguing so far, it's gonna be fun to see where you take it from here.

I cant help but think this is some sort of Quantum Leap crossover when I read this. I keep waiting for Al to show up and explain things.

Oooh an update! Sorry I didn't see this until now.
Once again, the mystery deepens.
Can't wait to see how it turns out!

(My god I am bad at keeping up with these things. College has been going well and I got back into something long lost to time... or so it seemed. Anyway, here is the LONG overdue part 4!)

It's bright for once. I can see, but it's still quite blurry. I can tell I'm in the city this time, from all the sounds coming left and right, and I'm walking along the sidewalk going along at my own leisurely pace.

I think I still have a destination here to, but the vibe is completely different. There's no panic, nothing to make the heart race. It's more of a good feeling, like something is going to go swell.

I make a turn into an alley and approach a conspicuous door on the side of a restaurant. This doesn't seem normal anymore, I guess something special is going to happen.

Slowly, the door gets closer and closer; the shadow of the building looming over me as I reach for the doorknob.

But after the slightest turn of the knob, the door swings open and I'm quickly pulled into the dark abyss inside.

Adjusted looks

With the surgery a day away, the parents make the new Hisao doubt himself and become uneasy; apparently how he should be.

Two millenniums more of these kinds of mornings and I still don't think I will get used to being launched out of my dream world like a torpedo. Everything else seems to be doing fine in the room, as nothing has changed tremendously over the last few days.

Speaking of which, not much has been happening. More friends have been visiting, but they were more conscious of me being "out of it", like how I was to Reo and that other kid. Iwanako only came one other time, but she only stayed for a short few minutes before leaving. No big progress there.

The bigger thing on the plate now is the day after today: the day when I get my chest torn open to save my life. Sounds great doesn't it? The pacemaker will be implemented tomorrow, and I will be very weak for the rest of my time here, so today is the last day for me to savor the strength I've got.

But whose strength do I have? My own specifically or of this body I've inherited? Hisao is tall, but has a heart condition. I myself am quite stubborn and persistent when I get a task to go on, but I've suffered from amnesia and don't know yet who I can trust or not. This whole thing has really given me a big challenge to take on, and some feeling inside of me is still telling me to take advantage of this 110%, because it's more likely then not that this wont happen again. Then again, maybe this has already happened before, and I can't remember anything of it because my memories keep getting wiped every time a transfer to another body occurs...

Well shit. If that's my life then I am the most unlucky person on the planet. Maybe it's a bad habit of "me" to dwell into insane scientific theories every time something unexplainable is going on.

*knock knock*

I'm startled a bit as I remember more things about today. Today I'm having one last visit from my mom and dad before the surgery: it will be my last visit before that.

"Come in." I go back to my impersonation of Hisao Nakai. No matter how much I dislike it and no matter how incorrect it might be, It's one of the only things I can hold onto right now.

The door slowly creaks open as my mother looks at me from beyond the door. "Hicchan..." The words flutter through the room with an emotion of sorrow before she enters with dad right behind her. "I hope you're doing alright, the surgery is tomorrow."

"I'll be fine." I look over to their direction, trying to act weak to be someone I'm not, and it seems to be working on them.

"I sure hope so." Dad speaks up now, putting some more complementary flowers on my desk which join the dozen or so which I've already gotten from my classmates. "You aren't really one for sudden events like this."

I tilt my head at my father a bit. "Oh? What else has happened to me?" I need to learn more about Hisao if I can act him better, but the way I've worded the question makes the parents have complicated expressions on their faces.

"Nothing as big as this. Never." He responds again, scratching his head with one hand. "Even the smallest of changes got you confused and uneasy. Anything simple as a change of plans for dinner. You always liked to keep things in a consistent pattern, one thing right after the other. Always, with everything."

"Hah..." A short breath escapes me, and my eyes escape them as my mind goes into thought. Maybe Hisao would be like that, trying to get life down to a definite order so he could have control over what happened. Something like this... would break him, no doubt.

But am I acting broken enough? How far down the rabbit hole would Hisao drop to?

Thats when I notice mom starting to tear up. "You've been doing so well from what I've heard, but seeing you like this..." She takes a handkerchief and dabs the corners of her eyes. "Should I cancel the surgery? Are you not ready for it yet?"

"I said I'll be fine." I look at her in the eyes again. "I think I can handle this much for now. Besides, it has to be done sooner or later, doesn't it?" She slowly nods. "It wouldn't be good if I was made to stay in the hospital longer, so doing it as soon as possible would be good."

"I... understand." She's really starting to tear up now from that act. "Maybe you're not who you used to be anymore..." The words strike me deeper then they should. I don't get it, you're not my real mother and yet I can't get away the feeling that I'm just doing this all wrong. I'm more alone and lost in this then you are. I am...

I am nobody here. Who am I? Please, someone just tell me so I can get this over with. It's starting to become more painful than it should be.

"Hisao." The father calls to me. "I can only hope you try your best with this; we're both praying for a quick recovery." He wraps his arm around mother's shoulders and leads her out as she continues to hold in her tears with muffled sobs.

"Am I really doing this the right way..." I question myself after they're gone, looking at the blank ceiling and resting on the bed. I don't know what people expect of me, especially when I don't know what I'm supposed to be capable of. Can I do more or less then I used to? I don't know anything other then a few scattered facts.

"Then... why am I going through with this?" The answer comes quick through my mind.

Iwanako Daidouji. Her eyes on me were downcast, trying to have sympathy with me. But she couldn't see *my* strength coming, and went away from something she couldn't understand. Her view point of me is the opposite of my parents: she thinks I'm in pain and wants me to be in such, while they want me to be as strong as I can so I can preserve. They believe I can be strong; she thinks of it as a cover to hide the broken self inside.

Heck, maybe I'm really not that strong in the end. It might just be that I find myself surrounded by people weaker then me.

"Alright..." I grin slightly. "I'll show her then."

-------

The doctor comes in extra early the day after and brings me my breakfast. It's small and plain: it will need to sustain me long enough while the surgery is underway.

"You ready for today, Mr. Nakai?" The doctor asks me this while I'm eating. "It will be a long time, but you will be quite weakened after it's..."

"I know what's going to happen doc." I grin as I stop eating and look at him. "I apparently did my research. I know what will be happening while I'm conked out and what will happen afterwards, and I know it's going to be a crucial part of my life from here on out."

He nods at my words. "I'm just making sure, Mr. Nakai. It's protocol."

"You know..." I hand him the plate and utensils which he takes. "There are a lot of people out there who think I'm not ready for this sort of thing, while others think I can preserve though this. Do you know what I think?" He looks at me and awaits my continuation.

"There will always be people lesser then me, weaker than me, that might just need a bit of a push to really change themselves and grasp the world. Coming from a person who was at death's chance, being able to find a resolution in life and perservere is the best thing to do. We just need to find out who we are, what we really are about, and how important us as individuals really are. Even one man can topple an empire in time."

The doctor smiles at me. "That's a nice way to think of things. I will let the doctors know you're ready for today." He walks out of the room and closes the door behind him.

I look outside. The snow has stopped falling for once and leaves a blank sheet of whiteness to be bent to ones will. It's the last thing I see of the outside world before I'm dragged into the deeper darkness of the hospital.

Woot, update!

Btw, it's "persevere," not "perserve."

andros414 wrote:Woot, update!

Btw, it's "persevere," not "perserve."

Derp. Fixed.

I had hopes that you would update and you did.
ok I love the story so no comments there
Everything's going ok, I feel. Thanks for keeping it up!

I'm sorry to point these mistakes out, but I'll just act as your proofreader for now, eh? I normally think lowly of grammar nazis, but the more you know....

Collage

College Seriously?! you made a mistake in the introduction

ally

alley

Speaking of, not much has been happening

*Speaking of which

I need to learn more about Hisao if I can act him better

Technically correct, but I think you meant "act like him"

There will always be people lesser then me, weaker then me

*than
you seem to use thens and thans quite interchangeably.

It's starting to become more painful then it should be,

Did you mean to end with a comma?
Also, you used then again.

while others think I can preserve this

*perservere
as andros414 pointed out. I still don't see it fixed though.

Also, your use of "dad", "Dad", "the father" is a little jarring. Same for Mom, mother, mom. It would be nice to stick to one use only. Unless you're using it intentionally to show that Nakai still feels distance towards the man who is apparently his father. Then it's okay.