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This is a fanfic in which I wrote a story for my OC, Hiro Nishimura. He has a slight mental disability (PTSD) so let's just say that Yamaku made an exception for him. Throughout the story, he interacts with Lilly, Hisao, Hanako, Akira, and another OC I created for the story. His name is Kana, you'll learn more about him later. As for the writing style, it's 3rd person, but focuses on Hiro and Hisao. It's formatted like the game because, like I said, this is my first fanfic, I'm not too good at writing prose. But I digress, I will upload the first part of the prologue tomorrow and will try to regularly upload chapters. I hope that you will enjoy Hiro's story.

General rule of etiquette: If you're going to make a fanfiction topic, have a fanfic to go in it. Nobody would have been upset if you waited until tomorrow to start your topic when you have a prologue to put in it. It generally works better that way.

There's also no need to tell us what perspective you're using. We'll be able to see that when we read the story.

Now some people like knowing what characters they're going to be reading abut before hand, some don't. Personally, I don't think it's necessary. But that's me.

Anyway, I do look forwarding to reading your story when you actually have a story to put here, and don't be too nervous about it being your first story. For the most part, we're a pretty relaxed bunch here and we realize that everybody has to start somewhere.

I'm too excited to wait for tomorrow, so here's part 1 of the prologue. Enjoy
Prologue: Youth
Mother: "Hiro! Come on,we have to get going!"

Hiro: "Okay mommy!"

Hiro tied his shoes and ran into the loving embrace of his mother. She kisses his forehead and smiles at him.

Mother: "Mommy loves you Hiro. Don't ever forget that."

Trying to hide his embarassment, Hiro looks away but then looks back and smiles at his mother. His eyes are blue like the sky and his hair is white like the clouds that fill it. Hiro was born with dark hair, but his body stopped producing pigment for his hair, so it turned white as a result. The kids in school pick on him, calling him names like "old man" and "snowflake." It isn't enough to bother him though, Hiro has two very loving parents and that's all that he could ever ask for. To Hiro, it seems like his life is perfect and he wouldn't have it any other way. Being 8 years old, he welcomes everything that life has to offer.

Father: "Let's go. You don't want to miss the movie,do you?"

Hiro's father smiles as all 3 of them hug each other. The Nishimura family then gathers into their car and begin to drive. Hiro looks out the windows in awe at the city lights that are flying by as the car cruises down the street to the movie theater. The car pulls up to a stop light and Hiro's mother turns to the back seat.

Mother: "Are you excited Hiro?"

Hiro nods in excitement. As the car begins to pull through the intersection, Hiro notices a large light quickly approaching from the right. Not even a second passes as Hiro's mother's face turns white and she lets out a horrifying scream that pierces the silence. It all happened so fast...everything went black.

Hiro awakes to find himself still in the back seat of his parent's car.

Hiro: "Mommy?...What happened?"

He gets no response and leans forward. What he sees leaves him in a state of shock and denial. He looks in the rearview mirror to find that there are red splashes of blood all over his face. He screams and looks over to see his mother's crushed body hanging outside of the car window. The moon glows off of her crimson blood, an image that has been forever burned into his mind. Hiro shakes her lifeless body.

Hiro: "Mommy!? MOMMY!?"

Tears run down his face and mix with the blood that was already there. He turns to the left only to see a far worse sight. His father's body has been catapaulted through the windshield with bits of intestine caught in the shards of glass on the dashboard as it lays on the hood of the car.

Sirens begin to break the silence as ambulances, police cars, and firetrucks all arrive to the scene. Men start barking out orders and begin the arduous process of removing the bodies from the wreckage. As the bodies of Hiro's parents are lifted from the crumpled vehicle, Hiro sees a man in a thick uniform shine a light in his face. The man turns away and yells to the others.

Fireman: "Hey! There's a kid in the back of the car!"

Hiro is lifted out of the seat and carefully placed on to a stretcher. He is in complete shock and hardly has any idea of what is going on. Cold hands check his body for vital signs and wounds as a stethoscope is placed against his chest.

Paramedic: "The blood isn't his! He's fine!"

Hiro turns to the paramedic and tugs on his sleeve.

Hiro: "Where are my mommy and daddy?"

The paramedic's eyes sink low as he turns turns the other way, obviously unable to tell Hiro what had happened. That was all it took. Hiro began to cry as he pressed his face into the paramedic's chest.

To be continued...

Protip for bringing things from script format into narrative: Turn Hiro: into "Okay, mommy!" Hiro said. Turn Mother: into "Mommy loves you, Hiro. Don't ever forget that," she whispered. Take the name at the start and place it somewhere else; instead of 'Hiro' every time, use 'he', and so on. Simple changes like that make the difference between a good story and a great story.

Speaking of great stories, I'm looking forward to this one! I can kind of see where the potential PTSD came from now.

First off, I would like to apologize for my first post on this thread. To those who came back and read the first part of the prologue, thank you so much for your patience. I would also like to thank Doomish and Oddball for their feedback. Now,here's part two of the prologue. Enjoy

Prologue (Part 2): Connection

It had been a month since the accident. Hiro was taken to an orphanage. In place of the happy-go-lucky person that he used to be, he became quiet and withdrawn. He spent his time just sitting around with a blank expression on his face. The other children were afraid of him and did not interact with him.

Dark circles had formed under Hiro's eyes. Ever since the accident, he couldn't sleep due to recurring nightmares about his parents. When he closed his eyes, all he could see were their lifeless bodies. Doctors diagnosed him with insomnia and PTSD. "Why?," Hiro thought. "I didn't do anything wrong,why are mommy and daddy gone?"

The staff at the orphanage had trouble getting Hiro to do anything. He just sat at his window or in the corner of the play room just staring into space. Eventually, they accepted his behavior and didn't pay much attention to him. Hiro longed for the affection that he once felt. He wished for some sort of bond or comfort. All Hiro really wanted was a friend.

It seems to be an average day at the orphanage. Hiro is sitting in his usual corner, staring into space like always. He hears a group of kids yelling insults at another child. The commotion is bothering him enough to make him look over and see what is going on.

A group of children are circled around a girl wih long purple hair. A third of her body is covered in scars. She is crying as she buries her face in her knees. The kids are all chanting, "Hanako is a monster! Hanako is a monster!" Hiro then remembered his old school, how the kids picked on him the very same way.

He felt sympathy for her...he wanted her to know that he knows how she feels...that she doesn't have to be alone. Maybe he could make a friend. Hiro snapped and ran over to the children, pushing them away. "LEAVE HER ALONE!," he shouts with a horrifying glare in his eyes. The kids were already afraid of him, that was all it took to send them running.

Hiro looked behind him to see the girl looking up at him. He then kneeled over and gave her a hug. "It's okay. I won't let them hurt you anymore," he said reassuringly. The girl smiles and hugs him back. "Th-thank you," she whispered in a delicate voice.

To be continued

Because I am going to be busy tomorrow, I'm going to upload two chapters today. Here's the final part of the prologue.

Prologue (Part 3): A New Beginning

Hiro and Hanako are sitting in an office. It belongs to Mr.Tanimoto, the owner of the orphanage. They are both now 15 years old. It has been 7 years since they first met. Hanako is still very shy, but feels safe with her "big brother" Hiro around. They have become best friends during their time at the orphanage. Although Hiro still suffers from flashbacks, he has started to gain control over his PTSD.

The office door opens. Hanako jumps at the sound but relaxes as Hiro puts a hand on her shoulder. "It's alright Hanako," he says with a reassuring smile. "O-ok," Hanako whispers. They turn their attention to the door to see Mr.Tanimoto walk in. He is a bald, stocky man with thick glasses. Mr.Tanimoto takes a seat at his desk as he sets down a folder in front of Hiro and Hanako. He looks at them and begins to speak.

"I suppose that you both are wondering why I called you here today," said Mr.Tanimoto. Hiro and Hanako both look at each other,Hanako content with letting Hiro do the talking. "Well, it's gotta be important. It's not everyday that we get to talk with you," replied Hiro. "Yes, well..." Mr.Tanimoto pauses as he crosses his arms and leans forward slightly. A serious look is now on his face. "I wanted to talk to you both about your education. I believe that I have found a school that can cater to your..." He pauses once more. "...Circumstances."

Hiro tenses slightly. He looks over to see that Hanako is starting to get scared. If only for her sake, he relaxes and gives a slight smile. "Interesting. Can you tell me more?" Hiro said very calmly. Mr.Tanimoto looks at Hiro. "It's a school called Yamaku Academy. It's in a nice, isolated area and can give you help with your problems while also providing a quality education." A puzzled look appears on Hiro's face. "So... it's a school for the disabled and injured I take it?" he says with a slight sense of surprise.

Mr.Tanimoto smiles. "You're a smart boy Hiro. But it's not just for disabled students, they allow healthy students as well." The serious look returns to his face. "I know it's sudden, but I think that it would be best for you and Hanako to go. After all, it would be much better than your current education. If you're interested, I can get you both enrolled."

Hanako looks away. Her face is tense and it looks as if she's going to cry, but she regains her composure and looks back at Mr.Tanimoto. "O-ok. I'll go..." said Hanako. Hiro looks over to her and gives her a smile before turning back to Mr.Tanimoto. "Well, I guess that settles it. Count me in," said Hiro. This is something that he's wanted ever since the accident: To get help and live something as close to a normal life as possible.

A few weeks have passed. Hiro and Hanako find themselves standing before the massive front gates of Yamaku Academy. Hiro looks over to Hanako. She's trembling, obviously nervous for what lies ahead in her new life. Hiro puts a hand on her shoulder. Hanako stops trembling and looks over to Hiro who is smiling at her. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm here with you every step of the way."

Hanako smiles and nods at him as they both proceed through the gates, excited for the new things that lie ahead in high school.

To be continued

As promised, here's the second part that I am uploading today. With the prologue out of the way, now the real story can begin. Enjoy

Chapter 1: Save the Formalities

It has been 3 years since Hiro and Hanako have come to Yamaku Academy. It is their third year of high school and alot has happened since they arrived. Hiro has grown to be 6 feet tall and weighs 120 pounds. His straight, white hair has grown to his shoulders and the dark circles underneath his eyes have grown ever darker. He discovered comfort in music and picked up bass guitar as a hobby. His favorite bands are Nirvana and The Sex Pistols. Hiro has overcome his withdrawn nature and has become rather social. He gets along well with his teachers and classmates in class 3-3.

He has become good friends with Hisao Nakai, a transfer student with a heart condition. Through Hanako, he has also become good friends with Lilly Satou, a tall, beautiful, blind girl with gorgeous blonde hair who he has developed a secret crush on. Hiro, Hanako, Hisao and Lilly all hang out whenever possible and often make regular trips to the Shanghai on weekends.

It's a beautiful spring morning and Hiro is walking to class. He doesn't like to dress in his uniform too often. He wears the shirt and tie, but wears jeans and hi-tops in place of slacks and dress shoes. As soon as he enters the classroom, Shizune (the student council president) shoots him an angry glare. Hiro shoots an equally angry glare back at her as he decides to confront her. "Give me a break, why do you care whether or not I wear a uniform!?" he says angrily.

Shizune then waves over Misha to translate for her as she begins to furiously sign. Hiro lets out a sigh, he knows what he's in for as Mish begins to translate. "Mr. Nishimura, it is your job as a student to follow the code of conduct. If you don't, it reflect badly on us as student council and that is something that I simply will not allow!" The way Misha says this perfectly emulates the angry expression on Shizune's face.

"Whatever. Uniforms suck," said Hiro as he turns away and ignores the student council duo and takes his seat next to Hanako. Shizune, obviously angered, is completely baffled at being pushed aside and ignored so easily. As she begins to scowl, Mish lets out an obnoxious laugh. "Wahahahaha! Gee Hiro, you've really made Shicchan mad."

Mr.Mutou,their teacher, walks into the room. The class falls silent as he begins writing the assignment for the day on the board. He takes a seat at his desk as he addresses the class. "Today, we'll be splitting into groups. Your assignment is due at the end of class."

Hiro looks over to Hisao. "Hey, Hisao. Wanna work with Hanako and I?" he asks. "Sure," Hisao replies as he pulls up a desk by Hiro and Hanako. The three of them get to work and quickly solve many of the problems. As they continue to work, Hisao notices that Hanako is slowing her pace a bit. "Hanako? Are you having trouble with the assignment?" he asks.

Hanako doesn't know Hisao very well, despite Hiro hanging out with him alot. She is a bit intimidated and covers her facial scars with her hand. "I-I...uh..." She begins to tremble, uncomfotable with attention from anyone other than Hiro or Lilly. "Ivegottagodosomething!" she says as she gets up and walks out of the door, unnoticed by anyone else except Hiro and Hisao.

"Hanako. Wait." Hisao says as the door closes. Hiro looks over to Hisao. "Don't worry about it dude. She has trouble warming up to people." He gets up. "I better go talk to her." Hiro walks out of the class room. Hisao finds himself intrigued by Hanako's behavior. "I want to make her more comfortable around me," he says to himself.

15 minutes later, the lunch bells ring. Students begin to pour into the hallway. As Hisao exits the class, he hears a familiar voice. "Hisao!" Hisao looks over to see Hiro waving at him. He returns the gesture as Hiro walks up. "Hey, wanna have lunch with Lilly, Hanako and I?" he asks. This surprises Hisao. Though he hangs out with Hiro outside of class, they have never had lunch in school together before. "Sure, sounds good," replies Hisao. "Awesome," said Hiro as he grabs Hisao's arm. "Come on. They're waiting for us in the tea room."

Hisao and Hiro enter the tea room to find Hanako and Lilly engaged in a game of chess. There are four plates with curry set out. "What's up Hanako? Lilly? I brought isao with me," said Hiro. Lilly looks up from her game in the direction of Hiro's voice. "Hello Hisao. Thank you for joining us today," she says with her usual elegance. She smiles at Hisao to let him know that he is welcome to take a seat. "It's my pleasure Lilly," he reples as he takes a seat. "Wow. This looks good," Hisao says as he looks at the curry. Hiro's stomach let's out a loud growl. His cheeks turn red as he looks at the floor.

"Damn. I knew I should've ate breakfast," said Hiro. Hanako gives him a look of concern. "Big brother, I really wish that you would remember to eat." As Hanako finishes her sentence, Hisao gives a surprised look at Hiro. "You two are related?" he asks. Hanako looks at the ground, her cheeks red with embarassment. Hiro and Lilly both laugh. "No, we've just known each other for a long time," replied Hiro.

Hisao then looks away, determined to change the subject. "This curry looks good. Did you make it, Hiro?" Hiro smiles as he responds. "Nope. Hanako did. She's an awesome cook." This statement only causes further embarassment for Hanako as she looks at Hisao. "I-it's n-nothing really...just a simple recipe." "It's still awesome," says Hiro as he stands up to get a drink. "Would you like some coffee, Hisao?" he asks. "I'd love some," replied Hisao.

Hiro pours two cups of coffee and brings them over to the table. As Hisao adds cream and sugar to his coffee, he notices that Hiro is drinking his black. He also takes closer notice of the dark circles under Hiro's eyes. "Is that from caffeine?" Hisao thinks. "Hey Hiro. Doesn't drinking that much coffee make it difficult to sleep?" he asks. The room falls silent and looks of shock appear on both Lilly and Hanako's faces. "Naa, I have insomnia," Hiro says with a smile. "I just like the kick that black coffe has."

Hisao feels embarassed about asking such an odd question. "Oh.. I see, I'm-" Before Hisao can finish, he is stopped by Hiro. "Don't worry about it dude. It's ok." They then proceed to finish their lunch, making small talk until the bell rings. They then return to their classes and finish their assignments for the day.

The entire school os busy getting prepared for the upcoming fetival. As Hiro is talking with Lilly, Hisao, and Hanako, Shizune and Misha show up. Shizune is still angry about what happened earlier and is determined to get the last laugh. As they all notice the student council duo, Shizune begins to sign as Misha prepares to translate. "Mr. Nishimura. Since you didn't wear your uniform today, it has been decided that your punishment will be to assist the student council with festival preparations." Hiro tries to object, but his voice is drowned out by Misha as she speaks to Lilly. "Miss Satou, we shall also require your help as well." Lilly looks over in Misha's direction with a forced smile. "I suppose that I must do my part as class representative," she said.

Hanako looks at the ground as she speaks in a barely audible voice. "But Hiro..." Hiro looks over to her. "It's fine, don't worry," he says. He then looks over to Hisao who has been spectating the entire conversation. "Hisao, can I ask you a favor?" said Hiro. Hisao gives a confuse look as he responds. "Sure. What is it?" "On Wednesday, Hanako and I go shopping in town. If I give you some money, can you go with her and pick up some things for me?" Hisao pauses for a second. "Sure. It's no trouble at all," he replies. "Sweet. Thank you," said Hiro as he hand Hisao some money and a list. He then waves goodbye as he is dragged away to help with festival preparations. Hisao and Hanako then begin their journey to the convenience store.

In the student council room, Hiro is assembling stalls with Misha as Lilly and Shizune take care of paperwork. He stops for a moment to wipe sweat off of his forehead and decides to lighten the mood with a joke. "When you said punishment, I should've known that you meant slave labor." Misha lets out her trademark laugh. "Wahahahaha! Don't be such a downer, Hiro. We truly appreciate your help." "Even though you forced me into this?" Hiro says with a smirk. Shizune smiles as Lilly and Misha laugh at Hiro's joke.

As the laughter dies down, Lilly speaks to Hiro as they continue to work. "Hiro? Do you think Hanako will be alright?" Hiro looks up from his work. His eyes are covered by his long, white hair and all that is visible is his trademark smile. "She'll be fine Lilly. It'll be good for her." As Hiro gets back to work, Hisao and Hanako are arriving at the convenience store.

"Lets see...coffee, soft drinks, and instant noodles. Man, Hiro has a weird diet..." Hisao says as he looks at Hiro's shopping list. Hanako giggles at this statement. "Y-yeah. Hiro's never been one to eat very healthy," said Hanako. "You and Hiro seem pretty close," said Hisao. In an attempt to make conversation with Hanako, Hisao decides to ask her a question. "Do you think that I hurt Hiro's feelings today?" This question surprises Hanako and she looks at the ground. "His insomnia..." she says in a delicate voice "it's a result of-" Her eyes shoot open in shock as she realizes that she revealed a little bit too much. "I-I m-mean...he'll be fine. D-don't worry about it."

Hisao, knowing that he's slightly over-stepped his boundaries, tries to save the conversation as they finish shopping and pay for their groceries. "That's good...well, we should probably get back to the school and make sure that Hiro and Lilly survived festival preparations with Shizune and Misha." Hanako, looking relieved, nods her head and they both begin their trip back to Yamaku.

It is dark now. Hisao and Hanako are walking towards the dorms when Lilly hears their footsteps and looks in their direction. "Hiro? Who is it? It sounds like they're coming this way?" she asks. Hiro then looks over and sees Hisao and Hanako appreoaching. He waves to them as he answers Lilly's question. "It's Hanako and Hisao." Lilly smiles as Hanako runs over and hugs her. Hisao hands the grocery bags over to Hiro. "Here you go," said Hisao. "Thanks dude," replied Hiro.

Hiro looked down at his watch to see that the time has passed quickly. "Damn, it's getting late. You guys should get to bed soon," said Hiro. "And so we shall," said Lilly as she gives a sweet smile to Hiro. "See you tomorrow Hiro and Hisao," said Lilly. "Good night you two," said Hisao.

Hiro and Hisao both walk back to their dorms. As Hisao is about to get ready for bed, he decides to pay Hiro a visit. He knocks on the door and hears what he thinks is an invitation to come in. As Hisao opens the door and walks in, he sees numerous band posters all over Hiro's room. He then looks over to see Hiro playing bass guitar. "What's up Hisao?" said Hiro. "Uh, nothing much." He looks at the instrument in Hiro's hands. "I didn'n know that you played bass," he said. Hiro smiles at this statement. He enjoys any chance to talk about music.

"Yeah, I was inspired to learn when I found out about this awesome American band called Nirvana a couple years ago." Hisao smiles as he replies. "That's pretty cool." The two boys talked for almost an hour until Hisao lets out a yawn. "Tired?" asked Hiro. "Yeah, I should get to bed," said Hisao. "Alright. Thanks for hanging out with me," Hiro said with a smile. Hisao waves as he walks out.

As Hisao tries to sleep, he finds that he can't get Hanako out of his mind. "I want to know her better..." Hisao says as his eyelids begin to feel heavy.

It is now Sunday, the day of the festival. Hiro returns from a shower after an all night walk. As he returns to his dorm to finish getting ready, he hears a knock at his door. He opens it up and sees Lilly standing before him with a look of concern on her face. "Hiro? I apologize for the short notice, but I need your help working the noodle stall for the festival." "It's no trouble Lilly. I don't mind," he replies. Lilly breathes a sigh of relief. "Thank you so much Hiro. I appreciate it."

Lilly leaves and Hiro finishes getting ready. He drinks a cup of his favorite black coffee and heads to the festival. The school grounds are flooded with people, all excited for the festivities. The festival is in full swing as Hiro makes his way to the noodle stall. Some people are from out of town, so Hiro gets some weird looks for his odd appearance. He doesn’t let it bother him. He sees the noodle stall and calls out to Lilly. “Hey Lilly.”
Lilly looks in Hiro’s direction. “Hiro? Is that you?” she asks. “Yeah. I’m ready to work,” Hiro replies. A look of relief appears on Lilly’s face. “Good. You can start by unloading the ingredients in the back,” said Lilly. “Sure thing Lilly,” replied Hiro.

Hiro walks to the back of the stall and begins unloading ingredients. People begin to form a line at the noodle stall and Hiro finds himself working at a frantic pace to keep up with Lilly. “Hiro! One bowl of miso soup!” she yelled. Hiro cooks the dish, and as soon as he’s done, he gets another order. “Hiro! One bowl of ramen!” yelled Lilly.

Hiro continues to work at a crazy pace. As the day goes on, Hiro recognizes a familiar face in the crowd of people. “Hisao! Over here!” called Hiro. Hisao hears the call and walks up to the noodle stall. “What’s up Hiro?” asked Hisao. “Nothing much. Hey, if it’s not too much trouble, could you check on Hanako for me? I haven’t seen her today,” said Hiro. “Sure thing,” replied Hisao. Hiro thanks him and continues working.

Hisao walks away from the stall and searches the school grounds for Hanako. He has no luck finding her, so he decides to check inside the school. Hisao walks into the library. “She’s probably in here,” he thinks. He ventures over to a far corner and finds Hanako sitting in a bean bag, reading a book. She looks up and is scared by Hisao’s sudden appearance. “H-Hisao!? W-What are you doing here!?” she asks. “Just thought you’d enjoy some company,” said Hisao. “Mind if I join you?” he asks. “S-Sure,” says Hanako with a slight smile on her face.

Hisao and Hanako spent the rest of their day reading and talking about books. At the end of the festival, Hiro walks into the library looking for Hanako. “Hana-,” he starts to call out, but stops when he sees her talking with Hisao. She’s enjoying herself and even smiling. As their conversation continues, Hiro starts to walk out, not wanting to interrupt them. “She’s finally starting to come out of her shell. I’m so proud of her,” Hiro says to himself as a smile forms on his face.

Hisao finds himself thinking about Hanako again as he’s trying to sleep. “I should talk to her more often. She’s a nice person,” he says to himself.

To be continued

You start almost every paragraph with a name. That bothers me for some reason...

I had alot of fun writing this next chapter. It's one of my personal favorites. Enjoy

Chapter 2: Friendship and Punk Rock: The Ultimate Combo

Hisao woke up on Monday with Hanako still on his mind. He remembered talking with her and is starting to feel like he can get closer to her. “I’m gonna get to class early so I can talk with her,” Hisao says to himself.

After downing his usual handful of heart medication, Hisao finishes getting ready and exits the dorms. As he walks through the courtyard to the school, he notices that there are no other students around. “It must be earlier than I thought,” Hisao thinks. He finally reaches the classroom and walks in to find that Hiro and Hanako are already there. Hiro is sitting with his feet propped up on his desk and Hanako is reading a very thick book.

Being the first one to notice Hisao’s presence, Hiro greets him. “Good morning Hisao. You’re here early,” said Hiro. Hiro can easily tell the reason why Hisao is in class so early. Based on how Hisao and Hanako hung out the day before, he has come to the conclusion that Hisao wants to get closer to Hanako. Thinking that it’s good for Hanako to make another friend, he devises a plan to leave the two of them alone.

“I’m gonna go get some canned coffee from the vending machine. Do you want some Hisao?” said Hiro. “Uh, sure. Thank you,” replied Hisao. Hiro walks down the hall to the furthest vending machine. He feeds the machine some money and selects 3 drinks: 2 cans of coffee for himself and Hisao, and a can of orange juice for Hanako.
Hiro takes his time returning to class. Once he gets back, he finds Hisao and Hanako talking to each other. “Good,” he thought. “I’m back,and I have drinks,” said Hiro.

He hands a can of coffee to Hisao and the can of orange juice to Hanako. “Th-thank you Hiro,” said Hanako. “No problem Hanako,” Hiro says with a smile.
With the small talk out of the way, the three of them begin to enjoy their drinks. As they finish them, Lilly walks in the classroom to say hello before heading to her own class. “Hanako? Are you in-,” before Lilly can finish her sentence, she is greeting with a loving hug from her best friend. Lilly hugs her back and the two of the begin talking.

“So, are you excited for tonight?” asked Lilly. “Y-yeah. It’ll be nice to see Akira again,” Hanako replied. Taking notice of the conversation, Hisao decides to join in. “Akira’s visiting? That’s awesome! What’s the occasion?” asked Hisao. Surprised at the unexpected sound of Hisao’s voice, Lilly jumps a bit. “Hisao? I’m sorry. I had no idea that you were in here.” “It’s fine Lilly. I just woke up a bit early today,” said Hisao.

Lilly smiles and returns to her previous train of thought. “Akira is going to take us to a concert tonight,” as Lilly say this, a nervous smile forms on her face. “Though I’m a bit uncomfortable with her taste in music, it should be fun.” Hisao looks over to Hanako. Her cheeks are red and she is looking at the ground. It seems like she is going to ask him something. Lilly smiles as Hanako begins to speak.

“I was wondering…” Hanako pauses as she looks up at him. “… w-would you l-like to come with us?” asked Hanako. Hisao smiles at her as he gives his reply. “Sure. It sounds like It’ll be fun.” Hanako’s face brightens as she gives him a slight smile. “G-great! Meet us at the front gates by 6:00,” said Hanako. “Sounds good. See you then,” said Hisao.

The rest of the day drags on slowly and uneventfully. This doesn’t help Hisao’s impatience. He is excited to hang out with his friends, more specifically Hanako. 6:00 finally comes around and Hisao walks to the gates to see Akira, Lilly, and Hanako all waiting for him. As he approaches, he is greeted by Akira.

“Sup Hisao?” asked Akira. Hisao gives her a surprised look. Akira is dressed surprisingly casual. In place of her usual suit, she is wearing tight jeans and a tank top. Her short, blonde hair is slightly more messy than usual and she is wearing eye liner underneath her alluring red eyes. “Wow Akira… it’s weird to see you without a suit,” said Hisao.

Akira laughs before responding with a little joke. “The same could be said about you Mr. Sweater vest.” They all laugh. “Hahaha. Yeah, I think I’d get my ass kicked if I went to a concert in a sweater vest,” said Hisao. He looks over to Hanako and Lilly to see them both dressed in their casual clothing. Hanako looks like she put in a little bit of extra effort to look pretty. Hisao decides to subtly acknowledge her effort. “You both look nice,” he said.

As the girls blush and giggle at his compliment, Hisao looks around and notices that a certain white-haired insomniac is missing. “Hey, where’s Hiro? Isn’t he coming too? I would think that Hiro of all people would want to go to a concert,” Hisao asks with a hint of concern in his voice. “He’s gonna meet us there, don’t worry,” Akira says as she puts a hand on Hisao’s shoulder. “Now come on. We need to hit the road if we wanna make it in time.”

They all pile into Akira’s car and enjoy a smooth ride to the city. They arrive at the venue to find several people already inside. They walk up a set of stairs to their left and take positions on a loft that looks down on the stage. The opening band is getting ready to perform. “I thought that you said that Hiro would be here,” said Hisao. Akira smiles and playfully pushes him. “I told you not to worry. He’ll be her, trust me,” Akira says reassuringly.
Not even a minute after they finish talking, the lights go black. A spot light illuminates the opening band. They begin to play and the crowd begins to jump along to the music.

Meanwhile, Hiro is backstage getting ready to play a set with his band. His friend/band mate Kana, the guitarist, walks over to him. “Hey, you alright Hiro? You seem nervous,” he asks. Hiro looks up to see Kana smiling at him. Kana is roughly the same height and build as Hiro. His long, straight, black hair is put up in a high ponytail with long curtains that go past his shoulders. He has a slight chin goatee and is dressed in baggy jeans and a tight baseball tee.
“Yeah… I have some friends in the audience tonight,” said Hiro. Kana puts his hand on Hiro’s shoulder. “Don’t worry dude, you’ll do fine.”

Several minutes later, the opening band finishes their set. In the crowd, Hisao, Hanako, and Lilly are all clapping. Akira walks over to them, returning from the concession stand with a can of beer. “I’m back, just went to grab a drink,” said Akira. She looks over to Hisao to see him staring at the stage with a blank expression on his face. “What’s the matter? Aren’t you having fun?” asks Akira. Hisao turns to Akira with a look of concern on his face. “I’m just a bit bummed that Hiro isn’t here,” Hisao replies.

“Hahaha! What the hell are talking about? Look on stage.” Akira points to the stage and sure enough, Hisao sees a flash of white hair as Hiro takes his place on the left side of the drum kit. Hiro is dressed in a pair of ripped jeans and a shirt with the logo of his favorite band. “Wait! Hiro’s in a band?” asks Hisao. “Hell yeah! That kid can play!” Akira says in excitement.

As he is tuning his bass and getting ready to play, Hiro looks up to the loft and spots his friends. He begins to wave to them but is caught off guard by Hisao’s presence. “Huh? Hisao’s here?” Hiro says to himself. Before he can finish thinking, the drummer does a 4 count on the hi-hat cymbal. The band then explodes into a fast-paced frenzy of punk rock.

Hiro puts his foot up on a monitor and begins to head bang as his bass roars out loud notes. Throughout the set, Hisao, Hanako, and Akira watch in amazement at Hiro’s stage moves. He played back to back with Kana and threw his bass in the air multiple times.

Caught up in the moment, Hiro decides to take a risk. He takes a running start and gathers a lot of speed before leaping off of the stage. Hanako, Hisao, and Akira all gasp as Hiro flies through the air. He is safely caught by the crowd and surfed back to the stage. A few minutes later, Hiro’s band finishes their set and exits the stage to thunderous applause and cheering.

With the concert at an end, people begin to leave, but some stay around to hang out with the bands. Akira, Lilly, Hisao and Hanako start to walk towards the back stage enterance, making small talk along the way. “My, that was exhilarating,” said Lilly. “Hell yeah it was! If only you could’ve seen Hiro stage dive,” exclaimed Akira. “Yeah. That was awesome,” replied Hisao .

They arrive back stage to see Hiro and Kana sharing a pizza. They are both covered in sweat, but have looks of accomplishment on their faces. Hanako sprints over to Hiro and gives him a hug, almost tackling him. “Big brother! You were amazing!” yelled Hanako. Akira walks over and pats Hiro and Kana on their backs. “That was one hell of a show guys. Well done!.”

Pointing a finger at Kana, Hiro wastes no time being humble. “Thanks Akira, but it was difficult keeping up with this guy.” “Hey, I’m not the one who jumped off stage,” Kana says with a smirk. Hiro turns slightly red and begins to scratch the back of his head. “I got caught up in the moment. I wasn’t thinking…”

Hiro looks over to Hanako who now has a worried expression on her face. “Don’t ever do that again Hiro! You had me scared!” Hiro’s face turns solemn. The thought of worrying Hanako makes him uneasy. “I’m sorry Hanako, I didn’t mean to scare you like that,” Hiro says as he hugs Hanako once more. Hiro’s attention is now directed at Hisao. “Thanks for coming Hisao, it means a lot.” Hisao smiles as he gives his response. “I should be the one thanking you. That was an awesome show.”

Hiro, Kana and Hanako all give warm smiles to Hisao. Hiro then looks over to Kana and puts an arm around his shoulder. “That’s right. I should introduce you. Hisao, this is my friend Kana. Kana, this is my friend Hisao.” Hisao and Kana both shake hands. “Nice to meet you,” they both say to each other. Kana then gathers his things and heads towards the exit. “Seeya guys! Nice meeting you, Hisao!” Kana says with a wave as he leaves.

The car ride back to Yamaku is nice and relaxing. Hisao looks around the car to see what everyone is doing. Hiro has on headphones and is bobbing his head along to music and Lilly is talking with Akira in the front of the car. He looks to his left and finds that Hanako has fallen asleep on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around her and smiles. This seems to relax Hanako. “She’s so cute,” Hisao says in his head.
It’s over much too soon as they pull up to the gates of Yamaku. Hisao wakes up Hanako only for her to jump up and get out of the car without saying anything. Hiro grabs his gear and they all wave as Akira drives off into the night.

The four of them then begin to walk to the dorms. As they prepare to part ways for the night, Hanako decides to speak up. “H-Hisao?” Having caught, his attention, Hisao smiles at her. “What is it Hanako?” he asks. Her face turns red as she responds. “S-sorry for f-falling asleep on you.” If only to stop her from worrying, Hisao puts his hand on her shoulder. “It’s alright Hanako. You were just tired from the concert.”

Hanako gives Hisao a slight smile. “Y-Yeah.” She grabs Lilly’s arm and begins walking towards the girls dorm, but turns back. “G-good night Hisao and Hiro.” Lilly picks up on Hanako’s vibes and does the same. “See you tomorrow,” Lilly says with a yawn. Hisao and Hiro return their gestures and watch the girls walk into the dorm. A few moments later, Hiro breaks the silence.

“Thanks Hisao.” Obviously puzzled, Hisao gives Hiro a confused look. “For what?” he asks. “Ever since you started hanging out with Hanako, she’s becoming more comfortable around people,” Hiro says with a smile. “I see…” feeling a bit awkward, Hisao decides to change the subject. “Do you want any help carrying that?” Hisao asks as he looks at Hiro’s equipment. “That’d be awesome,” Hiro says with his trademark smile.

As they finish hauling Hiro’s equipment back to his room, Hisao lets out a yawn. “Tired?” asked Hiro. Hisao looks down at his watch and looks back over at Hisao. “Yeah, it’s getting a bit late. I should get to bed.” “Alright. Seeya dude,” Hiro says as he waves to Hisao.

Hisao walks into his room and crawls into bed, exhausted from the concert. He keeps on thinking more and more about Hanako and remembers his conversation with Hiro. The most prominent thing on Hisao’s mind is how cute Hanako looked when she fell asleep on his shoulder. “I think I’m in love…” Hisao says to himself.

To be continued

Okay, where do I start...
First of all, you chose to write this story in present tense. That's a bit unusual for a story using omniscient narrative, but it's your decision. In two or three places you still used past tense, most glaringly in the beginning of the chapter. Try to keep it consistent.
More importantly your story reads as if it was on fast forward. You rush through the scenes as if you were chased by someone. This also causes your dialogue to sound stilted and unnatural in some places. Try reading the sentences out loud and ask yourself if you'd really say it that way.
Minor nitpick: On Hanako's path, Hisao has't met Akira at that point, but since you threw a lot of canon out the window, this is not a big problem.
Finally - Hiro's bandmate is supposed to be a guy, right? Because Kana is definitely a female name. I looked it up this time

Mirage_GSM wrote: Finally - Hiro's bandmate is supposed to be a guy, right? Because Kana is definitely a female name. I looked it up this time

Kana was influenced by a male character of the same name in Harvest Moon. When I looked up the translation, it said that his name meant strength. Still,I had no idea that it was a girls name
Anyways, I appreciate your feedback and will pay more attention to what tense I'm using and I will also try to not make some scenes feel so rushed.

This Harvest Moon?
Looks like Farmville with a marriage option...

Mirage_GSM wrote:This Harvest Moon?
Looks like Farmville with a marriage option...

It's actually a later game in the series. Harvest Moon: The Tale of Two Towns. Anyways, you should give the games a chance. They're pretty fun and addicting

Sorry about the wait guys. Here's the next chapter.

Chapter 3: Breakdown

Spring is well underway and the cherry blossoms have started to bloom. A light fog blankets the area as Hiro is walking into town to buy some groceries at the convenience store. It is a chilly morning and Hiro is wearing his favorite leather jacket to keep himself from getting cold.

Most of the town is just now waking up as the sun starts to beautifully shine in the sky. Taking his time, Hiro walked at a leisurely pace, taking notice of all the different sights that the little town has to offer. There are beautiful flowers and eye-catching signs displayed in front of each store along the way. The kind people of the town who were awake at this time waved to Hiro as he walked by. Stopped by the natural beauty of the surrounding land, Hiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “This is heaven,” he said to himself.

Continuing on from his small break, Hiro looked ahead to find the he was getting closer to the convenience store. The sun grew brighter as the convenience store approached, bright enough to make Hiro squint. The automatic doors of the convenience store slid open, allowing Hiro to walk in. He was greeted by the cashier, a middle-aged man with rugged stubble. After returning the gesture, Hiro began to meander around the store, killing time while looking for groceries to buy.

Hiro looked down to the tiled floor to see his reflection staring him in the face. He took notice of the dark circles around his eyes and began to frown, but stopped as he began to think about all of his wonderful experiences at Yamaku. His friends were all very caring and supportive, Lilly most of all. Her motherly nature was what drew Hiro to her, how she was always willing to put others above herself. Hiro’s feelings for her continued to grow from a crush to true feelings of love. He was still uncertain of when or how to tell her, but he was determined to make her fall in love with him.

He looked up from the floor and continued to look for groceries. Eventually, his basket was full of soft drinks, coffee mix, bread, rice, and curry mix. Satisfied with what he had found, he proceeded to the register to pay for the items that were in his basket. As he handed money to the cashier, he looked outside to see that the morning fog was gone and the sun was hanging high in the cloudless sky. Glancing down at his watch, Hiro saw that he still had some time to kill before meeting Hisao, Lilly, and Hanako at the Shanghai.

When exiting the convenience store, Hiro’s stomach lets out an audible growl. “Damn,” Hiro said as he stopped for a second. “I forgot to eat breakfast again.” He continued to take his time walking around town until he decided to take a walk in the park. The cherry blossoms were truly a beautiful sight to take in. Every single tree in the park was in bloom with the beautiful pink petals. Hiro stopped to gaze at the natural beauty that stood before him.

After another growl from his stomach, Hiro snapped back to reality and spotted a dango vendor a few meters away. He walked up to the stand and took his place in line behind a young girl and her mother. As the two of them walked away with their order, Hiro was ready to place his, but was distracted by the wail of the little girl. He looked over to see that she had dropped her food on the ground and was crying.

The sound of her cry pulled at Hiro’s heart strings. The same thing happened to him with his own mother when he was a child. He smiled and looked at the vendor. “Two sticks of dango, please,” he asked. The vendor nodded and handed the two sticks to Hiro as he handed over the money. Hiro walked over to the little girl and kneeled over in front of her. She looked up at Hiro and sniffled, but went back to crying. Hiro took her hand and placed the dango in it. She looked back up at him with a surprised look on her face. “Th-thank you mister,” the little girl said as she smiled at Hiro. He then pat her on the head. “You’re very welcome,” he said. “Now, run along and have fun. It’s a beautiful day today.”

The little girl ran over to her mother and waved as they walked away. Hiro waved back and continued to walk around the park, nibbling on his dango along the way. He decided to take a seat on a bench and rest. As a gentle breeze moved his hair, he continued to think about his life at Yamaku. Hanako and Hisao’s growing friendship came to his mind. They were becoming fast friends and Hiro was very proud of his “little sister” for growing up so quickly. “I’m so proud of her,” Hiro said to himself. “She’s come such a long way in such a short time.”

Enjoying the breeze and the beautiful scenery for just a little bit longer, Hiro glanced at his watch and decided that it was time to head to the Shanghai. It is a Saturday, but there were no morning classes due to the staff deciding that the students deserved a little break. Hiro walked back through the park and headed down a quiet street as he looked around at the several different little shops in the area. They were mostly mom and pop stores that sold gifts and knick-knacks for tourists. Continuing further down the street, Hiro sees the Shanghai and walks in.

The whole place was empty… except for the elegant girl sitting in a booth with her hands in her lap. “Hello gorgeous,” Hiro said as he approached Lilly. Her face turned red and she pouted a little bit. “Hiro, you mustn’t tease me in such a way,” said Lilly. Because they were good friends, they both laughed at the joke. To Hiro, these jokes had become more sincere. Every time he laid eyes on her beautiful figure and gorgeous eyes, his stomach would go crazy.

Taking a seat across from Lilly, Hiro thought about how much he longed to be with her. The fear of losing her as a friend was the only thing that kept him from confessing his feelings. The room had become slightly uncomfortable and Hiro decided to kill the silence. “Hisao and Hanako aren’t here yet,” he said. Lilly smiled and looked in Hiro’s direction. “I wonder what’s taking them so long,” Lilly said with a hint of worry in her voice.

As soon as Lilly had spoken, Hisao and Hanako entered the Shanghai and walked over to the booth. “Speak of the devil…” Hiro said with a smile on his face. Hisao took a seat next to Lilly and Hanako took a seat next to Hiro. “S-sorry we’re late,” said Hanako. “It’s fine Hanako,” Lilly said with a reassuring smile on her face.

A waitress walked up to their booth and bowed very formally. “Welcome to the Shanghai. What would you like?” the waitress asked. They all turned toward the waitress and placed their orders. “Black coffee and a turkey sandwich,” said Hiro. “Coffee and pie, please,” said Hisao. “Green tea and some cake…” Hanako whispered. “Vanilla tea and a slice of cake,” said Lilly.

The waitress bowed formally once more and walked away to retrieve their order. The four of them conversed and made small talk while they were waiting. In the middle of the conversation, Hisao looked down at Hiro’s feet and took notice of the convenience store bags. “What’s in the bags, Hiro?” Hisao asked. Hiro looked down at the bags and back up at Hisao. “Just the usual groceries,” replied Hiro.

Hanako, with a look of concern on her face, turned towards Hiro. “Big brother, I really wish that you would eat better,” said Hanako. Seeing the worry on her face, Hiro started to think. “I always tell her that I will and never do,” he thinks. “This time, I’ll stick to it… just so she’ll stop worrying about me.” Hiro looked at Hanako and smiled. “Alright, you win. I’ll start eating better,” said Hiro.

Hiro’s words coupled with his trademark smile were more than enough to prompt a response from Hanako. She gets up and wraps her arms around Hiro. “I’m proud of you big brother,” said Hanako. Hiro hugged her back and they all enjoyed a nice laugh.

A few minutes later, the waitress returned with their order. She set down the tray and walked away ot let them enjoy their food. Once everybody had found their individual orders, they tore into their food as if they hadn’t eaten in days. Hiro took a long sip of his black coffee. The bitter liquid was the greatest taste in the world to him.

In between bites, the four of them made small talk to pass the time. 15 minutes passed and everybody finished their food. After taking one last sip of coffee, Hiro set down his cup. “This place has the best coffee,” said Hiro as he rubbed his stomach. “Yeah it does,” replied Hisao.

“Since we have finished our meal, shall we get going?” said Lilly. She reached for her purse, but was stopped by Hiro. “I got this. I can’t make a beautiful girl like you treat us all to lunch,” said Hiro. Lilly blushed, but then gave a smile that said “if you insist” before moving her hands away from her purse.

Once Hiro paid the waitress, he walked outside to meet his friends. As they started to walk down the crowded street, Hiro noticed a familiar face in the sea of people. “Hey, Kana! Over here!,” he shouted. Kana noticed Hiro’s voice and waved as he walked over. “What’s up, Hiro?” asked Kana. “Nothing much. Hey, wanna hang out with us?” asked Hiro. A smile formed on Kana’s face. “Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do,” replied Kana.

The 5 of them walked down the street and decided to stop at a bookstore that Hanako noticed. When they walked in, the musty smell of books filled their noses. It had a wide selection. There were fiction, non-fiction, poetry, cooking, and several other types of books lining the walls. Checking out a manga aisle, Hiro spotted a book from a series that he used to read as a kid. He looked at the cover and was hit with nostalgia. On the cover, there was a boy in a space suit and a gigantic robot was standing in the background. Hiro smiled and remembered how much he loved mecha manga and anime as a kid. He decided to purchase the book for old time’s sake.

After completing his purchase, he heard Kana call out to him. “Hey, Hiro! Come on! We need to get going!” exclaimed Kana. Once they left the bookstore, they spent the rest of the day meandering around town, just talking and having fun.

The sun had set and the 5 of them decided to end their day by getting ice cream and relaxing in the park. They all sat underneath a cherry blossom tree and gazed at the beautiful stars that lined the night sky. Hisao was making small talk with Kana and Hanako had her head turned toward the sky. Hiro was gazing at the moon when he felt a slight pressure on his shoulder. He looked over to see Lilly resting her head. “I’m sorry,” she said. “ is this uncomfortable?” Hiro was glad that she couldn’t see how much he was blushing. “Y-yeah. It’s fine Lilly,” said Hiro.

The crickets chirped as the light from the moon illuminated the beautiful landscape of the park. It was a very nice and relaxing moment. A perfect way to end the day. Hiro glanced down at his watch only to be shocked by how late it was getting. “Crap, it’s starting to get late,” he said. “We should start heading back.” “I’ll come with you guys,” said Kana.

It had started to get cold as they walked back to Yamaku. It had gotten darker and all that was visible was the path in front of them. Hisao, Kana, and Hanako were all walking a bit ahead of Lilly and Hiro. For Lilly’s convenience, Hiro decided to let her use him as a guide rather than her cane. Lilly unexpectedly breaks the silence. “Thank you for a wonderful day, Hiro,” said Lilly. “It was noth…” Hiro stopped mid sentence as Lilly planted a kiss on his cheek. Hiro began to blush and looked to make sure that the others hadn’t seen. “I’m glad they didn’t catch that,” Hiro thought.

They were approaching the gates when Hiro suddenly caught something in the corner of his eye. The headlights from a car flew by and made Hiro take a turn for the worse. He suddenly stopped and dropped his bags as his eyes shot open in shock and he began to tremble. “Hiro? Is something wrong?” Lilly asked. It was useless, Hiro’s PTSD had kicked in and he was having a flashback of the accident that changed his life.

Hiro continued to tremble as he brought his hands to his head. “M-mommy?” he said with a quivering voice. “MOMMY!?” Lilly was beginning to worry at this point. “Hiro, you’re scaring me,” Lilly said as she took a step back. Hiro then fell to his knees as he let out a bloodcurdling scream. “AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” The memories of that day all came back to haunt him. The only things that he could see were the lifeless bodies of his parents being dragged from the car. Hiro continued to scream. “MOMMY! DADDY!”

Lilly panicked and tried to calm Hiro down. “Hiro! You’re alright! HIRO!” yelled Lilly. Once again, her efforts were of little use. Hiro fell to the ground and curled up in a ball as he sobbed and hyper-ventilated. Kana and Hiro heard the commotion and rushed over to assist Hiro. “Hiro! You’re going to be alright!” Kana said as he and Hisao lifted Hiro’s arms over their shoulders.

Hisao looked over to Hanako. Tears were running down her face and she was trembling. “Hanako, go get the nurse!” yelled Hisao. Hanako nodded her head and took off towards the auxiliary building. Hiro kept whimpering and crying until he eventually passed out and everything went black.

Inside Hiro’s unconscious mind, he found his parents staring him in the face with blank expressions on their faces. “Mom? Dad?” asked Hiro. He started to run over to them only to be blinded by a light as they slowly faded away. The light grew brighter and brighter until there was nothing else to see.

Hiro gasped and quickly sat up. He had finally regained consciousness. The room was unfamiliar. “Where am I?” thought Hiro. He then looked around the room to find that Hisao and Kana were sitting at the foot of the bed he was in. To his left, Lilly and Hanako were sobbing into each other’s arms. “Hey! He’s awake!” Kana yelled. Hiro then looked Kana in the yes. “Wh-what happened?” he asked. Kana’s face turned grim. “You had a flashback and your PTSD kicked in,” he pauses. “You made it out fine though. Just relax.”

After breathing a sigh of relief, Hiro looked over to Hanako. She jumped up and threw her arms around him, sobbing into his chest. “Hiro!” she screamed. “I-I had no idea what t-to do! I-I…” Unable to finish speaking, Hanako continued to sob into Hiro’s chest. This caused Hiro to cry as he rested his head on top of hers. “I’m sorry Hanako…I shouldn’t make you worry like this. How am I supposed to take care of you when I can’t even take care of myself? I’m so pathetic… I should’ve died that day…”

They both continue to cry, but stop when Lilly suddenly and unexpectedly interjects. “THAT'S ENOUGH HIRO!” yelled Lilly. “You are far from pathetic!” Hiro wiped away his tears as Lilly continued to speak. “You are one of the strongest people that I know! Anyone in your position would have just given up, but you didn’t! You chose to move on and conquer new challenges! On top of that, you are always putting other people above yourself and looking out for those around you!” Lilly leaned forward and hugged Hiro as she began to cry. “We couldn’t live without you. Your kindness has helped us all…”

Hiro looked around the room to see his friends all smiling at him. “Thank you everyone. I’m sorry for making you worry,” said Hiro. He then pulled Lilly closer and kissed her on the cheek. “And thank you Lilly…I needed that,” said Hiro. Lilly blushed and gave Hiro a very sweet smile.

The nurse then walked into the room and addressed them all. “Alright everybody, let’s leave Hiro alone. He needs to relax.” Everybody got up and walked out of the room, leaving Hiro alone with his thoughts. “Damn, I wish I could sleep,” said Hiro. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, Hiro decided to read the manga that he bought. After reading for a few minutes, the story began to remind Hiro of Lilly. The main character had a love interest and was afraid to tell her, just like Hiro’s feelings for Lilly.

Setting the book down, Hiro looked at the ceiling and thought about his feelings for Lilly. Her beautiful smile…her alluring eyes…her elegance. It drove Hiro crazy inside just thinking about it. “I can’t take it!” he said to himself. “I have to tell her how I feel…”

To be continued

Still the problem with the unnatural sounding dialogue. It is exacerbated by the fact that you don't use new paragraphs when the speaker/acting person changes. You have up to four different speakers in one single paragraph!

About the PTSD... Does he get that every time a car goes by? That seems a bit excessive. There must have been several cars passing them by during the evening. If the car had come close to missing them, this would be believable, but like this...

Also, is it just me or do you like the word "meandering" a lot?

And Hiro suffers from a bad case of Gary Stu syndrome...t