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Lowlands Cyclops (OC story)

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 12:20 pm
by DLMicheru
Hello people,
DLMicheru here.
Like most (if not all) of you I enjoyed playing/reading KS and I ended up here on the Forums. I got totally engrossed by all the fan-fiction and something slowly settled inside of me. Inspired by all the writers I decided I wanted to write a fan-fic myself and here I am.
Unlike the title suggest this is not a Fantasy story.
Most of the chapter titles will be named after songs I like (Mostly Metal)
This story contains an OC and happens just after summer-vacation, also Lilly good-end

Well without further ado here's the first chapter.

--------------------Storm the Gates Of Hell--------------------

I look at the pompous black gate and sigh, if it weren’t for the taxi-driver assuring me this was the place I wouldn’t believe this place to be my new school. Yamaku High-School, a school for disabled and physically impaired children.

I hear a new song starting and I grab my music-player. The cheering and shouting dies down as I shut it down . A quick glance at the screen tells me what song I cut off before it truly began… The live version of Storm the Gates of Hell, I chuckle lightly.

“How fitting,” I say softly to nobody in particular if not myself as I take a good look at the gate… Well, at least the title is fitting.

I pass the gate without giving it anymore attention, I’m afraid that if I would give the thing a second glance I would turn around and run for it. I take a deep breath and steel myself.

“C’mon Samuel, you never ran from anything.” The resolution in my voice surprises even me as I walk into the yard.

As I look around I notice the amount of greenery in the yard and the absence of activity of any sort. I look at my cell-phone to check the time, a good hour before lunch break, or at least I think so, I highly doubt this place would be any different from other high-schools. I sigh at my own thoughts and walk on towards the buildings, pondering about what I will be doing first. Meeting up with the head-nurse or meeting my new class?

I decide on the prior and head for the adjacent building, remembering the directions from the printed map of the school grounds…
It takes me a while to find the nurse’s office, I knock reluctantly and open the door as I hear a male voice inviting me in.

A young man in a white coat looks up from his papers as I enter the Nurse’s office and gives me a friendly smile as he stands up.
“Ah welcome, come on in, I won’t bite,” he says smiling, “not hard at least.”

“You’re the head-nurse?” My voice is a mix of disbelief and wondering.

“Well, my papers say so, so I guess I am,” the nurse replies grinning, “and you must be Samuel Minami.”

“How?”

“How do I know your name?” The nurse asks me with a teasing voice. “Well, it’s not like a foreign giant whose file I just happen to read enters my office every day.”

I cringe at the word giant, being half Dutch makes me taller than the average Japanese, but I don’t like the word giant to describe my height… Then again, I am 1.80 meters tall…

“Anyway, it’s nice to meet you Mr Minami,” the nurse says friendly as he reaches out his hand.

“Samuel… Just Samuel will suffice. And likewise,” I reply as I shake his hand as I added in a soft whisper: “I don’t like my family-name…”

“Alright then Samuel,” the nurse replies as he sits down again and picks up some papers, a quick glance at it told me enough… My files…

“First of all, take a seat and please bare your chest. Your files state your last check-up was a while ago.”

I sigh as I sit down and take off my jacket and shirt, all that’s left to cover my chest are bandages which also cover the left side of my face and my left arm.

“Yeah, the last time was the day before I left the hospital, about three weeks ago. They told me a check-up once or twice a month would suffice.”

The nurse nods and moves closer to me as I begin to remove the bandages, baring the scars underneath and more importantly the hole in the left side of my face, the place where my left eye used to be.

The nurse takes a good look at the scars on my body, before speaking up again. “Considering the circumstances I would say it actually looks good, you’re taking good care of it. Still, I would like you to drop by once a week.”

I questioningly raise an eyebrow as I bandage myself with fresh bandages, yet I didn’t bother to speak up, mostly because I knew he was to ask me some questions.

“I would like to ask you some questions.”

I knew it. I sighed lightly before replying. “Sure, what do you want to know?”

“Your hobbies, I would to know if you did any rash activities like, I don’t know, boxing.”

I tense up for a second but laugh it off. “Close enough, I got into street-fights on a regular basis. Aside from that, swimming, gaming, music and reading.”

The nurse nods, his smile is strangely absent as he speaks up. “Now, for obvious reasons I recommend you avoid fights,” nurse said with a firm voice and his smile returned. “Swimming should be okay by now, you’ve healed pretty well, I recommend swimming-goggles though. As for the other hobbies, no problems at all.”

As I open my mouth to reply I’m cut short by the sound of the bell.

“Lunchtime already? Well then kiddo, time to get out and get lunch.”

I am about to protest as, once again, I’m cut short, this time by my grumbling stomach. I sigh and say my goodbyes as I leave the office.
Putting in my earphones and turning on my music-player again I head for the main building and more importantly, the cafeteria…

--------------------Next Chapter-------------------

Well, that was the first chapter.
Named after the song: Storm the Gates of Hell by Demon Hunter
I guess you will all get the Lowlands Cyclops reference. If not let me know.

Comments and Critiques are most welcome

Re: Lowlands Cyclops (OC story)

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:19 pm
by Mirage_GSM
In the second paragraph, I'd use "it" for the second music player.
Otherwise no complaints so far, but try to avoid making your OC into a mary sue - there are some early indications for that...

Re: Lowlands Cyclops (OC story)

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:43 pm
by Oddball
I'm a little bit wary about this character myself, but I'm willing to give it a chance.

Re: Lowlands Cyclops (OC story)

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:55 pm
by DLMicheru
Mirage_GSM wrote:In the second paragraph, I'd use "it" for the second music player.
edited, thank you for spotting it and pointing it out.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Otherwise no complaints so far, but try to avoid making your OC into a mary sue - there are some early indications for that...
Your warning is taken into consideration. 8)
Rest assured, I have some stuff in store for this fellow and he ain't gonna be perfect at all, but you'll see in time.

On a side-note: Male Mary Sue-types are dubbed as Gary Stu.

Re: Lowlands Cyclops (OC story)

Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2012 5:56 pm
by DLMicheru
Oddball wrote:I'm a little bit wary about this character myself, but I'm willing to give it a chance.
Well, thank you fo the vote of trust here. :)