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Reunion

I drowsily blink myself awake as the light of the morning sun streams through the panes of my windows, shining directly into my eyes. A quick glance at my samurai alarm clock (a typically thoughtless birthday present from Dad last year: at least we both like samurai) confirms the time as 7.15. A good thing it’s not winter: it would be difficult to get up on time without Misha to come in and wake me.

With that thought, I drag myself up and walk to the window. My room faces west, and it’s a clear day, so I have a great view of the landscape all the way to the city. I gaze vaguely at the world outside, my memories filled with everyone I've driven away. My mother’s still out there somewhere, since she got her divorce ten years ago. I used to hate her for that, but now I kind of see her point. It’s not easy to raise a deaf child: communication difficulties are obviously frequent and were only going to get worse the older I got. At least she took the initiative and decided to live her life while she still could. Had she been anyone else, I think I would have admired her for that.

Hisao. I’m still worried about him. We’re lost to each other, but both still here. He showed up late for class again yesterday, reeking of another morning whiskey binge. Mutou stepped outside with him for a minute, and we saw no more of Hisao for the day. I wonder if I should try to talk to him but, any time I interfere, I seem to make things worse. I’ll just have to leave it to Lilly.

And Misha. I miss her. It’s over two months since we last spoke, as she tearfully hugged me goodbye before leaving Yamaku for the last time. What were her words again?

I have to leave. You know the reason why – some of it, at least. I need to make a new future for myself, away from all of this.

She was right. I know the reason why. I rejected her confession, the year before last, but I did still want her as a friend. I should have left her to herself until she felt she had recovered, but the isolation was just too difficult for me to take. I’d never had a friend before, and I couldn’t cope with losing one. In hindsight, I know my way was wrong, but I’m still not sure which way would have been the right one. She must have been truly unhappy to transfer out of Yamaku so close to graduation: she really loved it here. I’m not quite sure where she is now but, hopefully, there isn’t anyone like me there to make her miserable.

I stop by the Student Council room on my way to class. I know I’m not President for too much longer, but the incoming Council seems to be comprised entirely of slackers who think their duties can wait until after lunch. Someone has to keep things in shape.

As I flick through the post, I freeze at the thin yellow envelope with my name written on the front. The writing is an unmistakable bubbly pink script. It’s postmarked two weeks ago: good old Japan Post. I know that if I open the envelope, I probably won’t be able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day. If I don’t open it, though, I definitely won’t be able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day. With no small degree of trepidation, I open it.



Hi Shicchan!

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you before now: I promise I didn’t forget you! I’m still settling in at Shonadu High, but it's quite a nice school. Obviously, the facilities aren’t as good as Yamaku’s but the grounds are nice and the uniform is a lovely pale blue colour: they must have known that blue suits me! Transferring in this close to graduation, I haven’t really managed to make any friends yet, but I guess that’s not the most important thing for me right now.

To be honest, I was feeling quite down after leaving Yamaku, kind of like I’d let the situation get out of control and couldn’t do anything to change it. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, though, and I think I’ve finally decided on a plan for my future, which somehow makes me feel a whole lot better. Of course, you’ve always been great at planning things: I should have followed your example years ago! I hope you’re still set on a career in business: you’d be really amazing at it. It also means you won’t have to pay too much attention to Mutou’s boring science classes (though, knowing you, you still will!)

Anyway, I just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know how I was getting on. I’ve written to Hicchan as well, so he doesn’t feel left out.

I still love you. That's not going to change anytime soon!

Misha.



I read it again, fold it and put it carefully in my pocket. Nothing I can do now but let the day drift by.

The next few hours pass in a blur. At least nobody tries to communicate with me: I’m definitely in no mood to break out that bloody pad like a stupid tourist on some inane holiday. I eat lunch by myself in the canteen, pointing and gesturing to make my order known, and notice Lilly speaking to Hisao. For a moment, I imagine she flashes me a quick, disapproving glare but that must just be in my head. Hisao has his back to me. I can’t decide whether that’s a relief or not. Strangely, I haven’t seen Lilly and Hanako together lately. I wonder if they’ve had some sort of fight? Misha was always much better than me at keeping up with that sort of gossip.

Fortunately, it’s a holiday in the Prefecture today. We don’t get any days off this close to exams, but we do finish classes at noon. I can’t help myself any more. I need to talk to Misha. Shonadu is a few hours west of here by train, but I know that there’s only one place I can go.

I get the bus into the city. It’s only a week since I was last here, so I don’t need to break out the damn pad to ask directions from any witless locals. Left, left again, right at the gallery, left, straight on past Othello’s Antiques (I quite liked that shop, but Misha felt antiques were “boring”, so we didn’t come here often) … I keep walking until the cement underfoot becomes grass.

The afternoon is still clear. Sunny and bright, but not too warm. It's a big change from the rain last week. I don’t really care about the weather, but I’m trying to take my mind off things. I think Misha was really happy at Yamaku, up until I started dating Hisao. I don’t need her letter to show me how much changed.

I walk straight ahead, to where a large muddy patch indicates the recent presence of a large group of people. Everything else here looks just like it did last Saturday. I stop at my destination, take a quick look around to ensure that I'm alone, and finally let go of my icy reserve.

I fall to my knees and let my tears flood the soil of Misha’s grave.

Oh god, why.
This was brilliant.
You are evil.

spirizu wrote:I eat lunch by myself in the canteen, pointing and gesturing to make my order known, and notice Lilly speaking to Hisao. She flashes me a quick, disapproving glare but he has his back to me.

Wait, how could Lilly flash her a disapproving glare if she's blind?

Anyway, I'm a tad confused by this story. Did Misha kill herself? Did Shizune just stumble across her grave by coincidence, or did she already know? Is that why Lilly glared at her?

http://tinyurl.com/c875wq9

Well written, but yeah, I definitely echo Breaker's questions, for a moment there I thought it had to be a multi-part story just because I still wasn't sure what had just happened.

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I guess I should have polished the draft a little more. I hope it's a little clearer now.

Breaker deGodot wrote:Did Misha kill herself?

I've deliberately refrained from specifying outright whether or not that happened. I think a close re-reading of Shizune's thoughts might be a better way of finding the answer.

This reminds me of the scene on the rooftop when Misha confesses her sorded past with Shizune to Hisao. That scene had me riveted because I was terrified Misha was up on that roof to do something stupid like throw herself off of it. I've seen that sort of depression before and, though I can thankfully say I haven't had personal experience with someone attempting suicide, I've felt like I was in the midst of a conversation with someone considering it their only option. It's absolutely terrifying, and anyone who balks at the possibility of Misha - bubbly, gregarious Misha - suddenly tossing herself off a rooftop, it's a lot easier to feign happiness than it is to act sad. I know from personal experience on that front.

Hmm... I read the edited version, and I still have no idea what happened. The sequence of events doesn't seem to make sense.
If the letter is two weeks old and Shizune has visited the grave before, she has to have died immediately after sending it.
Or is this Shonadu place supposed to be the land of the dead?

Mirage_GSM wrote:Hmm... I read the edited version, and I still have no idea what happened. The sequence of events doesn't seem to make sense.
If the letter is two weeks old and Shizune has visited the grave before, she has to have died immediately after sending it.
Or is this Shonadu place supposed to be the land of the dead?

Right...I guess the fault is mine. What I was intending was:

1. Misha writes the letter from Shonadu High (just a school), saying how she's "finally figured out her future and what she's going to do" etc, and sends it to Shizune as a last goodbye, with a similar letter going to Hisao, expecting them to have received the letters before they hear what happens next.

2. Misha then kills herself.

3. The funeral is held a week later and Misha is buried in the closest graveyard to Yamaku. Hisao and Shizune attend and both are shown in the fic trying to cope with their loss in ways consistent with their personalities. Hisao drinks, Shizune tries to "be strong", keep everything locked inside and carry on.

4. Shizune receives the letter, two weeks late and one week after the funeral has occurred. She holds herself together until reaching the grave, then falls apart.

Sorry if this wasn't clear, any tips on how to improve gratefully accepted.

what's with the influx of sad fanfics recently?

Okay, if that was your intention, let me tell you that this is the most fu**ed up suicide letter this side of the rabbit hole...

If I had Hisao's condition, this probably killed me just now.
Brilliant.
Evil, sure, but brilliantly done.

Well since some one else necro'd this thread already I have exactly zero shame in continuing to do so!

Having only read the edited version (according to the comments ex post facto) I was able to follow the story. The ending took a reread to cement the facts presented, specifically the time references. The logic jump connecting the letter being two weeks late with the last Saturday comment. For me it was "two weeks ago *reads* last saturday...... why is time mentio- *rereads* two weeks ago.... last saturday... oh.... "

As for feedback (if any one is still around this post) All I've got is this: the timeline is so important a fact that it shouldn't get lost in the filler or fluff of the story. While most of the content is there, the actual plot point can get lost behind Hisao's drinking and the focus on Lilly.

Simple suggestion, may not be correct but comes to mind: Mention the timing again when referencing Hisao's drinking when Mutou talks with him. Something like "He's been on a steady decline since we broke up, especially..." and then just trail it off. It may be foreshadowing too much for some, I can see that. Using the point of reference of the break up though sets the rest of the thought up to follow that. When did Misha leave? Around-ish then. So then every new thing must follow that.

Now, if a necro-post of thoughts falls in an empty thread, do the emoticons hear it?

Sev'risk'avina wrote:Now, if a necro-post of thoughts falls in an empty thread, do the emoticons hear it?

Sorry for the self-necro, I haven't checked in here in a long while, but I just wanted to thank you for the feedback and assure you that it did get read, even if it did take a month

This was at the same time the most powerful and the most horribly fucked up fan fic of KS I've read so far. Much congratulations. Wow.

(edit)
I also thought the story was very clear. You get to the end, you are stumped for a moment, but then reading back a lot of it sticks out immediately. Shizune's reaction to the letter was abnormal, although initially I thought you were intending to go for a very rueful Shizune. Hisao's binge was extremely weird, as was Shizune thinking Lilly would stare at her, something which she should factually know isn't happening.
It's a really really powerful one-shot. Maybe I'm horribly biased because Shizune's bad ending hit me by far the hardest, still, this is very well done. Until the part where she goes into town, I had no clue something was off, but once at the ending, everything adds up.

Ok that's a bit depressing. I'm just gonna sit in the corner ;_;