Lilly "Bittersweet" neutral end continuation
Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:11 am
I don’t really want to be here.
The music is loud enough to feel like a physical presence, and the noise of dozens of other students trying to make themselves heard doesn’t improve the sound. The lights above my head are dim and flickering, but nobody seems to have any trouble finding their way across the dance floor.
Dance floor. How silly.
It makes sense, I guess. Every school I went to before Yamaku had a dance for the graduating students. I just never really gave it any thought. I took it for granted that a school made for the disabled would be able to host something like this.
The bench is hard underneath me, and I shift my weight around to try and relieve some of the numbness in my legs. My wandering eyes come across some of the students from class 3-2 in the middle of the floor.
I wouldn’t have thought that blind students could dance, but there you have it. Two of the guys are the centre of the show, one of them breakdancing on the gymnasium floor, the other dancing in circles around his friend. They all look so happy.
I can see one of the girls smiling. Her hair is dark, and her features don’t resemble Lilly’s in the least; her smile reminds me of her all the same.
Scotland. I still couldn’t accept it, even though it had been weeks. I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve berated myself for becoming so attached, so dependant. I told myself that she wasn’t worth these sleepless nights; I told myself over and over again that I could move on.
I’ve never really been able to convince myself of anything, though. Does that make me honest, or a good liar? All this retrospection is made even more depressing by my surroundings. Suddenly I can’t sit still anymore. The music is driving a wedge straight into my brain, even though the song list isn’t particularly bad.
Sure, blame the music. Pretend it’s the bass that has your heart thumping. Convince yourself you are only sad because everyone else looks so happy. My legs burn with pins and needles when I stand up; I’ve been sitting here longer than I thought.
I hobble off the bench and scan the crowd ahead of me. I see many familiar faces, but for everyone I know I see a dozen strangers. I feel like I don’t belong. I was only here for a year. I can see Shizune and Misha doing a slow dance that doesn’t match the song playing in the least. Well, Shizune can’t hear it, and Misha probably doesn’t care.
I’m looking at them dance when I’m suddenly struck by lightning.
“UGH!”
I’m knocked to the ground and land in an unseemly tangle of limbs, too many to belong to me alone. Who the hell--
“Sup, man.”
Oh. Of course. Kenji greets me lying right beside me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Once again, I’m forced to admire what he does with social awkwardness.
“Kenji? What the hell?” I stand up and take stock of my body. I have a headache and the knock to the floor didn’t do my knees or elbows any favours, but I think I’m okay. My chest isn’t bothering me despite the violent tackle. “Seriously, you could hurt someone like that. You could have hurt me.”
“Soooooorrrryyy, mahn.” Kenji’s words are long and slurred. Did he hit his head? I reach down and help him get on his feet. He stumbles right away and I help him stay up. “Heeeey, mahn, that uh, that, the girl was... she was just, came right up to me, bold as brash, you know?”
“Sure, sure, lets get you sitting down.” Kenji talking about a girl? Wait, he reeks like... “Kenji, have you been... drinking?”
“Who told you thaht?! I was in my room, I was by myself, man, how could you know about the whiskhey?!” Kenji’s tone is absolutely livid. “I knew I forgot the closhe the blinds! I could have been picked off at any time, man!”
I’d like to say that he isn’t making any sense, but then again this is pretty much par the course for him. “You were talking about a girl?”
“Yeah, man, I was juhst walking down to the dance, you know, figured it would be a good time to rechon the situation, figure out what theshe girls were up to. This one girl was outside your room though, looking for you.” Kenji is calming down, though “She just comes right up to me, bold as can be, says ‘Kenji, have you sheen Hisao anywhere? I need to find him”.
Who would be looking for me this late? The dance hadn’t started until 8pm, and besides, everyone was here.
“Which girl was it?” I ask Kenji, none too hopeful of an answer.
“I dunno mahn, it was that one... I askhed you if she was cute, a long time ago.” Kenji lies down on the bench. “I’m gonna... I’m just gonna lie here for a bit.”
I leave him to it and push my way through the doors leading outside. Why is Hanako looking for me? And why would she go to the dorms, and not right to the danc--
“Oh, right.” I mutter this thought out loud, even though I’m alone on my walk towards the male dorms. “She would have gone everywhere but the dance first.” She’d check every other corner before going inside there. I hope shes okay. I should have checked up on her.
I have to admit, I was looking for an excuse to get out of there anyways. I’m not even sure why I went. Just looking for a distraction, I guess.
I can feel my mood darkening even further as I make my way towards the path to the building I call home for a few more days. Scotland.
Family.
...Goodbye.
All these words and more are repeating in my head, over and over again. I can’t stop them any more than I could stop her. I put my hands in my pockets and quicken my pace, taking the last corner before my building door.
*THUD*
Two heads should never collide at that speed, or make that kind of sound.
“DAMMIT!”
“Aaaaaaah!”
The first cry is mine, and much louder than it had to be. I’m on my back for the second time in an hour, and this time makes Kenji’s unintentional tackle look like a lover’s caress. My partner in suffering has fallen around the edge of the corner, but I can hear sharp intakes of breath.
But as much as I want to lay there and sulk... I ran into a girl, shes crying, get the hell on your feet and help her. Begrudgingly, I force myself to my feet. My head feels like a little dwarf is dancing around my brain with a silver hammer. I can hear him in there. Tap, tap, tap.
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
I realize that that tapping sound isn’t coming from my head, but rather from around the corner. I’m hearing the tapping noise of a cane. Everything reminds me of her, I can’t even collide with a stranger without thinking about--
“Lilly.”
There she is, standing right in front of me when I thought she was thousand of miles away. My brain struggles to come to terms with the apparent contradiction.
A thousand one-liners come to mind. “What are you doing here?” is on the tip of my tongue, along with a few questions less pleasant. Before I can say anything though, Lilly speaks up.
“Hisao? Hisao, is that you?”
And before I can reply, she is in my arms. She is warm and soft and fits in my embrace like she had never left it. Our cheeks are touching, and the sensation is warm and wet and wonderful.
Wet? Why is she crying? Why is she here? “Lilly, what are you doing here? You’ve been gone for weeks...”
Lilly is shaking now. I’ve been going through some rough nights ever since she left, but her display is above and beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. She looks absolutely miserable. She looks...
She looks exactly how she looked in that field, so long ago. The first time she told me, “I love you.”. Her face had had that same miserable, terrible expression. The look of an awful loss, as if giving a horrible confession.
I remember how I wiped that expression off of her face then.
I take Lilly’s face in my hands, and she tilts her head towards mine. And as before, I tell her, “I love you too.”
Her reply is exactly as I’d hoped, and it is a long time before we break off our kiss.
---
Footsteps approach us from behind Lilly, from the direction of the male dorms.
“Y-you found him! I looked everywhere...o-oh. I’m sorry to interrupt.”
Hanako is blushing, but she still manages to look very pleased.
“You knew?” I ask her. Lilly and I cut off our embrace, but she catches my hand.
“She called when she landed. I’m sorry. I couldn’t find you. I didn’t think you’d be at the dance...”
I cut her explanation short by grabbing her hand and leading them both towards the girl’s dorm building.
“I think you both have some explaining to do. I trust Lilly doesn’t have another plane to catch?”
I was expecting my voice to be bitter and tinged with anger, not bubbling over with happiness.
“My my. So forceful... but no, I’m done with planes for now.”
I can feel a giant grin on my face. I’m still angry, but it is far outweighed by the simple joy of seeing her again. Looking towards them, I can see my pleasure at the reunion reflected back at me in both of their faces.
“Then we’ll have tea and explanations. We have to make up for lost time.”
Lilly on one side, Hanako on the other, I feel happy for the first time in weeks. As we walk through the door to Hanako’s room, I can’t help but think:
Tonight might be my graduation celebration, but this is what will stay with me as the beginning of the rest of my life.
No, not my life.
Our lives.
The music is loud enough to feel like a physical presence, and the noise of dozens of other students trying to make themselves heard doesn’t improve the sound. The lights above my head are dim and flickering, but nobody seems to have any trouble finding their way across the dance floor.
Dance floor. How silly.
It makes sense, I guess. Every school I went to before Yamaku had a dance for the graduating students. I just never really gave it any thought. I took it for granted that a school made for the disabled would be able to host something like this.
The bench is hard underneath me, and I shift my weight around to try and relieve some of the numbness in my legs. My wandering eyes come across some of the students from class 3-2 in the middle of the floor.
I wouldn’t have thought that blind students could dance, but there you have it. Two of the guys are the centre of the show, one of them breakdancing on the gymnasium floor, the other dancing in circles around his friend. They all look so happy.
I can see one of the girls smiling. Her hair is dark, and her features don’t resemble Lilly’s in the least; her smile reminds me of her all the same.
Scotland. I still couldn’t accept it, even though it had been weeks. I’ve tried to let it go. I’ve berated myself for becoming so attached, so dependant. I told myself that she wasn’t worth these sleepless nights; I told myself over and over again that I could move on.
I’ve never really been able to convince myself of anything, though. Does that make me honest, or a good liar? All this retrospection is made even more depressing by my surroundings. Suddenly I can’t sit still anymore. The music is driving a wedge straight into my brain, even though the song list isn’t particularly bad.
Sure, blame the music. Pretend it’s the bass that has your heart thumping. Convince yourself you are only sad because everyone else looks so happy. My legs burn with pins and needles when I stand up; I’ve been sitting here longer than I thought.
I hobble off the bench and scan the crowd ahead of me. I see many familiar faces, but for everyone I know I see a dozen strangers. I feel like I don’t belong. I was only here for a year. I can see Shizune and Misha doing a slow dance that doesn’t match the song playing in the least. Well, Shizune can’t hear it, and Misha probably doesn’t care.
I’m looking at them dance when I’m suddenly struck by lightning.
“UGH!”
I’m knocked to the ground and land in an unseemly tangle of limbs, too many to belong to me alone. Who the hell--
“Sup, man.”
Oh. Of course. Kenji greets me lying right beside me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Once again, I’m forced to admire what he does with social awkwardness.
“Kenji? What the hell?” I stand up and take stock of my body. I have a headache and the knock to the floor didn’t do my knees or elbows any favours, but I think I’m okay. My chest isn’t bothering me despite the violent tackle. “Seriously, you could hurt someone like that. You could have hurt me.”
“Soooooorrrryyy, mahn.” Kenji’s words are long and slurred. Did he hit his head? I reach down and help him get on his feet. He stumbles right away and I help him stay up. “Heeeey, mahn, that uh, that, the girl was... she was just, came right up to me, bold as brash, you know?”
“Sure, sure, lets get you sitting down.” Kenji talking about a girl? Wait, he reeks like... “Kenji, have you been... drinking?”
“Who told you thaht?! I was in my room, I was by myself, man, how could you know about the whiskhey?!” Kenji’s tone is absolutely livid. “I knew I forgot the closhe the blinds! I could have been picked off at any time, man!”
I’d like to say that he isn’t making any sense, but then again this is pretty much par the course for him. “You were talking about a girl?”
“Yeah, man, I was juhst walking down to the dance, you know, figured it would be a good time to rechon the situation, figure out what theshe girls were up to. This one girl was outside your room though, looking for you.” Kenji is calming down, though “She just comes right up to me, bold as can be, says ‘Kenji, have you sheen Hisao anywhere? I need to find him”.
Who would be looking for me this late? The dance hadn’t started until 8pm, and besides, everyone was here.
“Which girl was it?” I ask Kenji, none too hopeful of an answer.
“I dunno mahn, it was that one... I askhed you if she was cute, a long time ago.” Kenji lies down on the bench. “I’m gonna... I’m just gonna lie here for a bit.”
I leave him to it and push my way through the doors leading outside. Why is Hanako looking for me? And why would she go to the dorms, and not right to the danc--
“Oh, right.” I mutter this thought out loud, even though I’m alone on my walk towards the male dorms. “She would have gone everywhere but the dance first.” She’d check every other corner before going inside there. I hope shes okay. I should have checked up on her.
I have to admit, I was looking for an excuse to get out of there anyways. I’m not even sure why I went. Just looking for a distraction, I guess.
I can feel my mood darkening even further as I make my way towards the path to the building I call home for a few more days. Scotland.
Family.
...Goodbye.
All these words and more are repeating in my head, over and over again. I can’t stop them any more than I could stop her. I put my hands in my pockets and quicken my pace, taking the last corner before my building door.
*THUD*
Two heads should never collide at that speed, or make that kind of sound.
“DAMMIT!”
“Aaaaaaah!”
The first cry is mine, and much louder than it had to be. I’m on my back for the second time in an hour, and this time makes Kenji’s unintentional tackle look like a lover’s caress. My partner in suffering has fallen around the edge of the corner, but I can hear sharp intakes of breath.
But as much as I want to lay there and sulk... I ran into a girl, shes crying, get the hell on your feet and help her. Begrudgingly, I force myself to my feet. My head feels like a little dwarf is dancing around my brain with a silver hammer. I can hear him in there. Tap, tap, tap.
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
I realize that that tapping sound isn’t coming from my head, but rather from around the corner. I’m hearing the tapping noise of a cane. Everything reminds me of her, I can’t even collide with a stranger without thinking about--
“Lilly.”
There she is, standing right in front of me when I thought she was thousand of miles away. My brain struggles to come to terms with the apparent contradiction.
A thousand one-liners come to mind. “What are you doing here?” is on the tip of my tongue, along with a few questions less pleasant. Before I can say anything though, Lilly speaks up.
“Hisao? Hisao, is that you?”
And before I can reply, she is in my arms. She is warm and soft and fits in my embrace like she had never left it. Our cheeks are touching, and the sensation is warm and wet and wonderful.
Wet? Why is she crying? Why is she here? “Lilly, what are you doing here? You’ve been gone for weeks...”
Lilly is shaking now. I’ve been going through some rough nights ever since she left, but her display is above and beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. She looks absolutely miserable. She looks...
She looks exactly how she looked in that field, so long ago. The first time she told me, “I love you.”. Her face had had that same miserable, terrible expression. The look of an awful loss, as if giving a horrible confession.
I remember how I wiped that expression off of her face then.
I take Lilly’s face in my hands, and she tilts her head towards mine. And as before, I tell her, “I love you too.”
Her reply is exactly as I’d hoped, and it is a long time before we break off our kiss.
---
Footsteps approach us from behind Lilly, from the direction of the male dorms.
“Y-you found him! I looked everywhere...o-oh. I’m sorry to interrupt.”
Hanako is blushing, but she still manages to look very pleased.
“You knew?” I ask her. Lilly and I cut off our embrace, but she catches my hand.
“She called when she landed. I’m sorry. I couldn’t find you. I didn’t think you’d be at the dance...”
I cut her explanation short by grabbing her hand and leading them both towards the girl’s dorm building.
“I think you both have some explaining to do. I trust Lilly doesn’t have another plane to catch?”
I was expecting my voice to be bitter and tinged with anger, not bubbling over with happiness.
“My my. So forceful... but no, I’m done with planes for now.”
I can feel a giant grin on my face. I’m still angry, but it is far outweighed by the simple joy of seeing her again. Looking towards them, I can see my pleasure at the reunion reflected back at me in both of their faces.
“Then we’ll have tea and explanations. We have to make up for lost time.”
Lilly on one side, Hanako on the other, I feel happy for the first time in weeks. As we walk through the door to Hanako’s room, I can’t help but think:
Tonight might be my graduation celebration, but this is what will stay with me as the beginning of the rest of my life.
No, not my life.
Our lives.
