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Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! 7/21 Updated

Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:15 am
by Helbereth
Dammit, I had to skip my raid-finder queue to read this...

That's a 20-minute wait. It's all your fault!

I'll edit this with comments on the story once I finish...

Bastard.
We continued down the hall in single file for.
what for?

There was also a paragraph break in the middle of a sentence somewhere, but otherwise it's good.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! 7/21 Updated

Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:21 am
by Hoitash
Helbereth wrote:Dammit, I had to skip my raid-finder queue to read this...

That's a 20-minute wait. It's all your fault!

I'll edit this with comments on the story once I finish...

Bastard.
...WoW or RIFT?

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! 7/21 Updated

Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:33 am
by Helbereth
Hoitash wrote:
Helbereth wrote:Dammit, I had to skip my raid-finder queue to read this...

That's a 20-minute wait. It's all your fault!

I'll edit this with comments on the story once I finish...

Bastard.
...WoW or RIFT?
WoW, of course. I have too long a history with WoW and don't know anyone who plays Rift, so I didn't end up sticking with it for long. I liked Rift as a game, but didn't get into the community - plus WoW isn't dead yet.

Alexstrasza-US, btw. Though I really character-hop a lot and play on two additional servers. 7-year player. Lots of alts. I'm fiddling with my DK today for giggles - I'm not fond of it, even though I've got her some decent gear. Dammerung, by name. Yes, the German word for Twilight - long story.

I like the build-up you got across with this. Oddity upon oddity building and layering as they fly out to the little island, meet the suited men, tour the facility and share cryptic conversation with its overseer. Just how many secret societies are you planning to wrap them up with, anyway?

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! 7/21 Updated

Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 10:47 am
by Hoitash
All of them :)

Part One of Mystery One provides some clues to the count, however.

Thanks for enjoying my layering, it's a tricky thing to do sometimes.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! 7/21 Updated

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:23 am
by Hoitash
Proving that should the need arise, I can avoid a gunfight occurring within the first ten pages of anything I write.

Previous Chapter

Part Three: Exposition


“You have got to be kidding me!” I shouted, “why do you people insist on dragging us into your problems, and why do you all insist on labeling your super secret bases?!”

“You know we do this shit willingly, right?” Kenji asked.

“It’s like a gang tag,” Mr. Matthews said, “when you’ve been at war for a few centuries, you need to think of ways to keep things fresh.”

I sputtered and groaned for a while, words failing me as my blood pressure got to my heart. I closed my eyes and focused on my heartbeat, unable to argue further for the time being. Kenji, of course, had no such problem.

“All right, man, why the hell did you bring us here, and reveal your true identities to us?”

Mr. Matthews shrugged, “Mr. Sarif hired you, which means we can trust you. It’s really that simple.”

“What the hell are we delivering, really?” I asked, finally able to speak.

Mr. Matthews sighed, “I can show you, but first, what do you know of the Freemasons?”

“Freemasons the fraternal organization, or Freemasons the Secret Society?” Kenji asked.

I sensed a lecture incoming on some Secret Society history. Kenji could’ve been a university professor if he didn’t hate classrooms so much.

“The Society, of course,” Mr. Matthews said, stepping out into the hall. Reluctantly, we followed, taking a few steps into the hallway and stopping. I noticed two branching hallways on either side of us immediately past the stairway as Kenji started his lecture.

“At the birth of the American colonies, the Illuminati, under the guise of the Freemasons, having already secured control of the British economy, set out to do the same in the New World. Unfortunately for the Illuminati, many of the Freemasons joined the Revolution, and as a result, the two Societies fractured and divided themselves. The Freemasons declared their independence from the Illuminati during the war, but after it ended the British Freemasons tried to bring the American Society back into the fold. It worked for a few years, but the War of 1812 permanently divided the American Freemasons from the Illuminati.”

“The Illuminati tried to bring the Freemasons back,” Kenji continued, “but all they did was convince the British Freemasons that the Illuminati couldn’t be trusted or relied upon to ensure humanity’s survival and progress. As a result, in 1848 the two Societies formally entered a state of war. Fortunately for the Freemasons, the Templars were wreaking havoc in their war with the Illuminati at the time. This allowed the Freemasons to go to ground, working to keep the Societies fighting each other, until they could finally bring about a Society war so large and devastating that the Societies would be wiped out. Or weakened to the point where the Freemasons could fill the void, before quietly dispersing back into the shadows, behind the guise of the organization. How’d I do?”

Mr. Matthews raised an eyebrow, “very impressive. To answer your question, you will be delivering what may very well signal the end of the Secret Societies that plague this world.”

“What about you?” I asked.

Mr. Matthews shrugged, “we’re an organization, not a society.”

“What’s the difference?”

“Size, mainly.”

Mr. Matthews gestured for us to follow him down the main hall, so we reluctantly followed, stopping at the last door on the left. This door was also locked with a deadbolt, and Mr. Matthews pulled out an old iron key to open the aging door.

“This room is the archive of our espionage efforts against the Societies. Only I, the Lodge Elders, and now, you two, are allowed to enter this room.”

The lock and door creaked loudly as they opened. The room itself was an unimpressive glorified library; a square room with every wall covered by wall high bookshelves and rolling ladders. A few square tables and wooden chairs were placed in the room, but beyond that and the old brass and crystal chandelier hanging above us, the room was empty.

“The package should be here somewhere,” Mr. Matthews said, checking the nearest shelf on the left.

As he started looking a thought struck me, “is Mr. Sarif a member of the Freemasons?”

“Honestly, we’re not sure. We do know he despises the Illuminati, and he provides us with extremely valuable information in dealing with them. Thanks to him, we have managed to severely hinder both the Illuminati and the Templars in their efforts at controlling the burgeoning industries in Brazil, Africa, and India.”

“What about China?” Kenji asked.

Mr. Matthews chuckled, “China is off limits to all Secret Societies. The Triads are very clear on that matter. Ah, here it is,” Mr. Matthews pulled out a wooden crate and hefted it onto a nearby table. It wasn’t nailed shut, but locked with a modern combination lock. Mr. Matthews fiddled with it until it clicked open.

“You wanted to see what was inside, go ahead.”

Kenji and I shared a glance, and slowly we stepped next to the crate, opening it carefully on its two brass hinges. When it didn’t explode or fling a pie at us, I looked inside. The bottle of bourbon was in a corner, and the rest of the crate was filled with what looked like sheets of paper wrapped in brown leather, with the Freemason symbol stamped into it. These people marked everything, apparently. At least these guys didn’t wear rings with the symbol on them.

I closed the crate and relocked it, turning to Mr. Matthews as I did so, “so how will this end the Societies?”

Mr. Matthews shifted a little. I guess he wasn’t completely comfortable telling and showing us so much. Kenji jabbed a finger at him, “you said you’d be straight with us, man.”

Mr. Matthews sighed as I picked up the crate, “it contains the names and locations of agents working within the different Societies as spies. Over the decades we have carefully infiltrated every Society, and once we even had a plant at Warehouse 12. She… didn’t work out. Anyway, we will covertly disperse this information, along with other packets of data, to sow discord and uncertainty among the Societies. When our agents act, the different groups will suspect their rivals before they suspect us, and they will hopefully destroy each other. Or, at the least, weaken themselves and expose themselves so that legitimate authority can assert itself over them.”

“Decades?” I asked.

Mr. Matthews nodded, “we had to be sure we thoroughly infiltrated all aspects of each Society, in order to make the subversion the most effective.”

Uh-oh, “uh, we didn’t accidently kill any of your guys, have we?”

Mr. Matthews shook his head, “no, and even if you did, it doesn’t matter. The Cause is greater than the sum of its parts.”

Mr. Matthews sighed again and walked toward the door, “well, unless you have any other questions, I think it best you two get some rest. We have a few rooms available for you to spend the night in, should the storm prove unpassable.”

“One last question,” Kenji asked, “why did you build your base in the middle of nowhere? I mean, I get why from a tactical standpoint, but still, why not New Mexico, or the Yukon?”

Mr. Matthews chuckled, “as I said, this installation was built during the Cold War. We used it to prevent the Illuminati and the Templars from starting World War III. Things got stressful during the Cuban Missile Crisis, but fortunately for us, the Presidents have been valued Freemason allies. Usually.”

That made sense; the Illuminati preferred control through finances and corporations, rarely getting involved in politics, since they were considered too fluid and corruptible by outside forces. The Templars, by contrast, preferred politics because it gave them easy access to the military, their favorite target of subversion. The Knight’s Hospitaller took the middle ground, placing its resources and members wherever the other, bigger Societies weren’t prominent, or were so busy fighting each other they didn’t notice.

I started to walk out of the room but I stopped when I heard Kenji groan and clutch his side.

“You okay?” I asked.

“My spleen, it’s acting up big time, man.”

I raised an eyebrow, “how bad?”

“Kyoto bad, man.”

Crap. Before I could enquire further someone wearing brown combat armor and holding what looked like an M-16 entered the doorway and whispered to Mr. Matthews.

“Damnit!” Mr. Matthews said, “prepare all defenses, alert the AA guns, prep the Entrants for evacuation, alert the guest’s pilots, and arm all personnel!” That’s what Kenji told me he said, at least.

“On it, Chief,” the man said, trotting off. That I was able to pick up myself.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Mr. Matthews sighed, “a dozen helicopters were spotted inbound on our radar. They have ignored all communication and are actively attempting to jam our radar, satellite connections, and our other forms of communication and data transmission. We have been completely cut off from the outside world.”

“You’re being invaded,” Kenji said.

Mr. Matthews nodded, “yes, by an Illuminati assault force, it seems- Templar helo’s would be armed. Or they’d just bombard us from high altitude.”

“How did they find you?” Kenji asked.

Mr. Matthews shrugged, “not sure, and the point is rather moot at this juncture.”

I sighed and turned to Kenji, “great, we’re fucked. Again!”

+++

Next Chapter

I had to explain this stuff at some point.

Yeah, the Freemasons are basically the Secret Society Tok’Ra. Kree!

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:55 am
by Helbereth
At least this time I'm not waiting for a raid queue...

I'll edit this when I finish reading.
As a result, in 1848 the two Societies formerly entered a state of war.
I believe you meant 'formally'.
The loack and door creaked loudly as they opened.
The fuck is a 'loack'?

Those are all the errors I could find.

Did you make up that stuff or have you been perusing conspiracy literature?

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:59 am
by Hoitash
Hmm...

Would you like to live under my desk? I seem to have need of an editor...

I look forward to the edits, but I won't be able to apply them for an hour or so do to work, which will at least be air conditioned :)

EDIT: Edits attended to, thank you very much for being such a dedicated fan/critic/editor.

As to the information, my inspiration is drawn from Deus Ex, The Secret World, TVTropes.org, my BS in history, and my rectum.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:53 am
by Helbereth
Hoitash wrote:Would you like to live under my desk? I seem to have need of an editor...
I don't think I'd fit, but I'll freely provide advice if you ask.
Hoitash wrote:EDIT: Edits attended to, thank you very much for being such a dedidacated fan/critic/editor.
I've been playing fan/critic/editor for my siblings, classmates, and co-workers since I was in elementary school, so it comes naturally. I do try to be constructive in my critiques.

By the way, it's spelled 'dedicated' or 'thankless'.
Hoitash wrote:As to the information, my inspiration is drawn from Deus Ex, The Secret World, TVTropes.org, my BS in history, and my rectum.
Ah, see, I think I mentioned something about The Secret World before as a possible influence here. The internet is not just for porn, I heard recently, but I'm not completely convinced. The degree in history BS is probably helpful (I kid, I kid).
Hoitash wrote:and my rectum.
This made me knock a soda off my desk, so thanks for that.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:58 am
by Hoitash
Helbereth wrote: This made me knock a soda off my desk, so thanks for that.
Excellent :twisted:

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:15 pm
by LOL WUT
I would like to thank you
Helbereth wrote: The fuck is a 'loack'?
And you
Hoitash wrote: As to the information, my inspiration is drawn from Deus Ex, The Secret World, TVTropes.org, my BS in history, and my rectum
For making me laugh for fifteen minutes strait.

Edit: I just noticed this
Helbereth wrote: The internet is not just for porn, I heard recently, but I'm not completely convinced.
So that added an extra five minutes.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:27 pm
by Hoitash
You are quite welcome, sir. I strive my hardest to bring enjoyment to others.

Living vicariously through others keeps me getting up in the morning :)

/bow.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:56 pm
by Helbereth
Pathos for that porn statement.

I, too, strive to make people laugh - preferably uncontrollably.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 8:29 pm
by Tysan1
So, missed the season premier of Wherehouse 13 Monday. I caught it this morning (my one day off this week).
Here's my question. Do you use a crystal ball, tarot cards, oujia board, or what? You have Hisao and Ken I working with the where house agents finghting secret societies, and the first episode has the agents dealing with the Illuminati. Impressive. :D

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:00 pm
by Hoitash
Tysan1 wrote:So, missed the season premier of Wherehouse 13 Monday. I caught it this morning (my one day off this week).
Here's my question. Do you use a crystal ball, tarot cards, oujia board, or what? You have Hisao and Ken I working with the where house agents finghting secret societies, and the first episode has the agents dealing with the Illuminati. Impressive. :D
Well, technically they're dealing with descendants of the Knights Templar, but quibble quibble.

As much as I would like for my rectum to be able to take credit for this, the truth is I am a psychic spy. I hope that helps.

Re: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! Updated 7/24

Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:16 pm
by Helbereth
Hoitash wrote:
Tysan1 wrote:So, missed the season premier of Wherehouse 13 Monday. I caught it this morning (my one day off this week).
Here's my question. Do you use a crystal ball, tarot cards, oujia board, or what? You have Hisao and Ken I working with the where house agents finghting secret societies, and the first episode has the agents dealing with the Illuminati. Impressive. :D
Well, technically they're dealing with descendants of the Knights Templar, but quibble quibble.

As much as I would like for my rectum to be able to take credit for this, the truth is I am a psychic spy. I hope that helps.
I suspect Hoitash's day job involves writing for the Sy-Fy (God, I hate that bastardization) Channel.

That's only a rumor, though.