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Hisao's Memoir

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:22 pm
by TheSongofRaven
Well, i was pretty new on Fan Fiction so let me get straight, i wanna try make hisao's memoar if something happened to him (like he is dying sick...) Hope you guys can understand. This memoir was set on his old days (and getting married with one of girls at KS). Here :

To my dearly love

When i don't have heart attack, i feel i still have everything
Friends, Old School days, and love...
But, when the time of confession is come from my friend during the winter
It was changing my life forever when i suddenly got heart attack

After stuck at Hospital for a some long time, i feel everything is gone
I realize everyone just visit me because they pitied me
Even Iwanako, who slowly stop visited me during my time in hospital
Again, its so painful and i want cry but i can't

But, when i was move to Yamaku
I think, i have bad feeling about that
And later i realized
its all wrong

Because you are there
Because our meeting
Because our time together
It was encourage me to feel a life again

Remember the time during Yamaku ?
I think its more precious than anything in the world
I think i still lonely at Yamaku, but i am wrong
Thanks to you, i feel i gain new life and no more loneliness

I shall never forget what we are talking about
I shall never forget what we learn together
I shall never forget what we do together
Only you and me
Its beautiful moment that i always remembered until this time

With Great and Endless Affection
Because you, my life was renewed
And because your love to me that make me feel nothing about my pain
And I am always be forever yours.....

Hisao Nankai

So, guys please give comment and which girl should suit this memoir :D Sorry for my beginner english and fan fiction creation. Hope you guys enjoy

Edited : Try correct some wrong sentence :P

Re: Hisao's Memoar

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:33 pm
by DanjaDoom
Bar the somewhat awkward English, it was a nice poem! You should keep it up.

Re: Hisao's Memoar

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:25 pm
by Elcor
I agree with DanjaDoom.

As for which girl it fits it would all of them, since its obscure in key details.

Re: Hisao's Memoar

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:10 pm
by griffon8
I think it's better to leave it left unsaid who this is about.

And you misspelled 'Hisao' at the bottom.

Re: Hisao's Memoar

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 10:36 pm
by TheSongofRaven
griffon8 wrote:I think it's better to leave it left unsaid who this is about.

And you misspelled 'Hisao' at the bottom.
Ahh, thanks for correcting my mistake :)

Anyway, i must say i was inspired by Ezio's letter to his wife Sofia at Assassin's Creed : Revelations novel adaptation hehe.

Thank you guys for the comment :D

Re: Hisao's Memoar

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 11:09 pm
by ThoughtLock
It should also be spelled "Memoir", not "memoar", but other than that and the somewhat hard-to-understand English, it's pretty good, and the gist of it comes across nicely. Keep up the good work!