Katawa Shoujo Forums

I've decided to start work on another story (this doesn't mean that my current project is on hold as I'm writing both at once, but on different computers and at different times although the late posting is because I always log in on my laptop (which is what I'm using to write lost memories) and I've now installed dropbox on my desktop system which makes sharing the source file that bit easier).
The character is another original creation (I haven't named him yet, but I'll have to figure that out before I start writing the second part), and I haven't fully decided on a romantic interest either (but I'm leaning towards putting Suzu in that position).
It's in the same time frame as the game, but it starts at the beginning of the school year and Hisao will feature later on but only for a little while as he'll be going to the manly picnic.

Link for chapters 1-10 | Google drive link for chapters 1-10
Link for chapters 11-20 | Google drive link for chapters 11-20
Link for chapters 21-30 | Google drive link for chapters 21-30

Anyhoo here's the first part.

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Starting Anew

As far as practical jokes go, this isn't one that I'll be remembering.
I'm standing in an unfamiliar corridor, outside an unfamiliar door that I'll be entering in a few seconds to introduce myself to people that I don't even know.
It could've been worse, I could've been sitting here in a wheelchair waiting to go in if the 'accident' that happened four months ago had turned me into a paraplegic.
I was pretty active back then, I was on my old schools track team and I even did a few other activities like high wire walking that my parents didn't approve of because of the risk, but I told them that the risk of injury is low because of the amount of safety equipment that's used.
However, it was that safety equipment that caused my 'accident' as my friends thought it would be a great laugh if they messed around with all the safety equipment just before I went up on the wire, but I slipped off the wire and as I saw the line that should have stopped me from going any further then a foot from the wire fail, I thought that there was still the net to stop me, only to hit the floor a little less harder then I would have if there wasn't a net there.
All my friends did was laugh as I laid on the floor, and unable to speak due to the pain that was surging through my body.
Only the instructors came to my aid, with two of them keeping me from moving to stop any further injury and one of the others phoning for an ambulance.
After I got to hospital, I was told that I'd broken my back in at least three places, but there was no damage to my spinal cord, so surgery could fix the damage and everything else was up to me.
My parents started their 'I told you so' statement, only to be stopped when the instructors told them that the safety equipment had been tampered with.
It didn't stop them from telling me to stop doing all my usual activities, but I couldn't protest since even though the surgery had fixed my back, there were other complications that meant any sudden movement or anyone hitting my back could leave me in extreme pain.
It didn't stop my now so called friends from hitting my back, and sending me back to the hospital.
I spent more time in the hospital over the past month or so of my second year pumped up on pain killers, then I actually did in school.
My parents had finally had enough, and decided to have me transferred to Yamaku academy.
I objected to the transfer, but after my parents and my doctor explained everything I decided to give it a go.
From what I was told even though Yamaku catered to disabled students, they didn't discriminate against perfectly healthy students just as long as they didn't have any kind of mental disorder.
So here I am, starting my final year in a new school.
As Mutou apologises for being late on the first day of the new school year, I take a deep breath and follow him into the classroom.
When I looked around the class at the people that I would call my classmates for the next year, I could tell that this isn't your usual school as several of the students disabilities were more visible.
In the back row one girl had a rather unusual hairstyle which seemed to hide a scar of some kind plus she seemed to be trying to hide in the crowd of students, and there was a cane propped up behind the boy who was sitting to her left.
The students in the second all looked as normal as a normal person with some form of disability would look, but the two girls sitting near the window were using some form of hand gestures which would mean that one of them is deaf, and that I should never take things at face value.
On the front row, things were different as there is at least two or three students with visible disabilities as a dark skinned or tanned girl had a bandage wrapped over what should be her left hand and another girl that was sitting next to the window had prosthetics in place of both of her lower legs, but I was confused by the girl that was sitting next to what could be my desk.
She looked like she was about to start sleeping which could mean that she didn't get much sleep the night before, or this sudden sleeping is what you could call her disability and after noticing what looked like a knee brace on her left leg it looked like the latter would be the right assumption.
Everyone else looked pretty much normal, but then I look normal apart from the scar that goes down my back.
“Please welcome our newest student”, Mutou said as he finished what he was saying.
The class goes silent as the teacher waits for me to start my introduction.
I take a breath as I run through all the possible ways I could introduce myself in my head.
There's no turning back now.

Line breaks are your friends. Please use them.

It's a little early to comment on the story. Nice 'friends' your protagonist had. Hope his parents sued them.

It looked better while I was typing it (it's probably the text size and the amount of text that can be put on a single line that's messing things up), but since I'll probably be posting one part a day (these are one or two page parts) I don't want any unnecessary spaces that could end up messing up the page if there's a large amount of long posts (I'll be posting a link to the master file in the future), but if the lack of line breaks is too much then I'll put them in later and hope that the forum doesn't go loopy.
As for what happened to his 'friends', that will most likely be covered in the next part (not the one posted in this post) or the one after that.

And speaking about the next part, here it is (including the main characters name (I just picked through my DVD collection for some ideas) and I'll be using Suzu as the romantic interest).

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First Day Nerves

“I'm Karou Nomura”, I said “My hobbies are reading and running. I hope that we'll get along well for the next year”.
Even though I think I looked like the perfect model of calm on the outside, on the inside I was extremely nervous and I think that it came across in my introduction.
Another silence descends on the class after I finished my short introduction, and Mutou takes over after realizing that I nothing more to say.
Everyone seemed to be satisfied with what I said, and a few girls are whispering to each other while throwing glances at me.
It could've gone a lot worse, I could've ended up stammering through the whole introduction.
I listen to the teacher as he drones on about getting along, and when he's finished everyone starts clapping which seems to be an unusual thing to do.
After the applause had ended Mutou told me where I would be sitting which, as I expected, was next to the sleepy girl in the front row.
Once I'd gotten to my seat, and slowly sat down to avoid any back movement that could trigger an extreme burst of pain, the teacher started his lecture.
Mutou has a rather monotone voice as he rambles on with his lecture, but it doesn't seem to be putting people to sleep like I thought it would.
Although it is putting me to sleep, but then it might be because I didn't get much sleep last night instead of the droning noise that was currently invading my ears.
I felt something tapping my left hand, as the student sitting to my left attempted to get my attention.
“Don't worry about it”, he said “you'll get used to his voice in time”.
“It's all right”, I said “I didn't get much sleep last night, so it's probably that”.
The lecture continued until the bell chimed signalling the start of lunch, which seemed to annoy Mutou somewhat as he looked to be quite enjoying what he was talking about.
As everyone either filtered out of the classroom, or set out lunches on their desks, I wondered what I should do since I didn't know where the cafeteria is, nor do I have a lunch with me to eat.
That all ended after I heard an ear splitting laugh from behind me.
I turned around after I'd extracted myself from the chair, and found the source to be a girl with bubblegum pink hair styled in what I could call drills.
"So you're finally paying attention", the girl said "we've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes".
"And what did you want to say", I asked.
The girl folded her arms, and looked a little annoyed in the process.
"The class rep only wanted to say hello", the girl said.
"You don't look like the one who would be the class rep", I said.
To be honest I didn't really think that she would be the class rep, since her hairstyle and colour which to be honest would make her stand out in a crowd didn't look like something a class rep would have, unless.
I turned my head slightly to the left, and found that we weren't alone as the other girl that sits next to her is standing there.
"Unless she's the class rep", I said.
My response was followed by another burst of laughter from the pink haired girl.
"You've got some good eyes", the girl said "I'm Misha and this is Shizune, she's the class rep".
"Well then, it's a pleasure to meet both of you", I said.
Shizune looked a little confused, and looked to Misha who made a few quick gestures with her hands, and after nodding she makes a few gestures of her own.
It only confused me for a bit until I remembered that one of the two was deaf when I looked at everyone during my introduction to the class.
"I can see you're a little confused", Misha said "Shicchan is deaf, so I'm the person who translates things back and forth for her".
"I thought that one of you had that kind of impediment", I said "it just slipped my mind for a bit".
"Well, I'm like her interpreter", Misha said "she says it's nice to meet you, too".
I suddenly realized that Misha only called Shizune by her actual name once, which would mean she uses that nickname more often and that she didn't use it the first time for my benefit.
"Do you like the school so far", Misha asked "we can show you around a little if you haven't had the time to walk around and... familiarize... yourself with it".
Misha stumbled over the hard word a bit, making it stand out in her otherwise fluid translation.
"That would be helpful", I said "I pretty much came straight to class today".
Misha explodes into another fit of laughter.
"That's not good", Misha said "you should always learn as much as you can about where you're going before you get there".
"There wouldn't be any way I know of to familiarize myself with the school before I got here", I said.
"It's not just with school", Misha said "even if it's a trip to the convenience store! Really, Shicchan?"
It looked like Misha stopped herself in mid sentence, as she seems to have come upon a bit of knowledge that she didn't know about as she laughs again.
After another flurry of gestures, the two girls went to leave the classroom.
"Aren't you coming", Misha said "we can at least show you where the cafeteria is".
She must have read my mind when I was thinking about what to do, so I pick up my bag and followed them out of the classroom.

You definitely have an interesting premise. I hope you don't mind if I have some feedback and suggestions though?
First off is that line breaks, as griffon said, are important. Single spacing looks okay on pastebin, but the general format that is used on the forums here is double spacing, it just looks better and is easier to read. With chapters of length you have going right now, I don't think you really need to worry about bricking the forum software, so it's not a big deal there.
Dealing with original characters is a bit of a toss up. Some people read fanfiction to see more of the characters and setting that they love, in new and different ways. They aren't here to see some new character that they don't have any attachment to. For these people, it's important to have a hook in your story, you have to give people a reason to care about your character and what happens to them. Some people like to read fanfiction purely for this purpose, they want to see new and interesting characters and how they deal with the issues and environment from the familiar settings of KS. These people are probably the target audience of a story like this.
You need to try to organize your sentences better into paragraphs, Try to group all of your sentences about the same thought or thing into one paragraph, and then make a break to a new one when you transition to dialogue or a new topic. It makes the narrative flow better. Basically, the structure you see in almost any book is what you want to emulate, unless you're specifically aiming at a unique style, in which case it needs to be carefully crafted. Something that's unique still has to be functional, you know?

Okay. As far as using Suzu as the romantic interest goes, I can't really say too much because I'm biased. Of course I can't and won't tell you what you can and can't write, but there already exists a similar story being written by DanjaDoom about Suzu and another OC. Also, there are plenty of other girls in the game who would make for an interesting choice, like Molly, Miki, Ritsu, Ikuno, or Misaki. Or even, another OC specifically tailed to be a foil to your main character would make for an interesting story direction. Again, it's completely up to you and I won't tell you that you can't use any character you like, I just think you have an opportunity here to do something that hasn't been tried before.
On that note, there's really no reason to take the introductory scene almost (and sometimes) word for word from the game, especially if your character is arriving at a different time in the school year than Hisao. Also, this is an invaluable tool when writing things involving class 3-3. For example, according to this official chart, if your character sat to Suzu's left, he would be in Lezard's seat, with Molly next to him. But since a male student sits to his left, it's left kind of confusing. I know that's a little detail, and not everyone worries about being that strictly accurate. It's up to you, but little things like that can break immersion in the story for people who do care that much.

One other thing is that you need to mix up your word choice. Using things like "class rep" or "confused" repeatedly in short succession makes the text repetitive and pulls the reader out of the experience. Try finding different meanings for the same words. I know that if you use Microsoft Word, I'm pretty sure it comes with a built-in thesaurus, which can be a huge help. Just be sure to use words that both you and your reader probably know. If you have to look something up, chances are they will too, except they won't bother.
The last thing I would say is that I hope the main character doesn't spend too much time with Shizune and Misha. This is your chance to develop a lot of the other, secondary characters, to do things differently. Having your character experience and do the same things as Hisao doesn't contribute anything new, and doesn't give the reader a reason to get invested in the story.
That's about all I've got, I think. Please don't take any of that negatively, there are a lot of little, unconscious tricks to writing that you get better at as you go along. It just takes time and practice. Like I said, your story has potential, and I hope you continue with it.

Scissorlips wrote:..., there are plenty of other girls in the game who would make for an interesting choice, like Molly, Miki, Ritsu, Ikuno, or Misaki. Or even, another OC specifically tailed to be a foil to your main character would make for an interesting story direction. Again, it's completely up to you and I won't tell you that you can't use any character you like, I just think you have an opportunity here to do something that hasn't been tried before.

What hasn't been tried before?
Pairing two OCs?
There are at least a dozen stories like that, one I wrote myself.

I'm going to be brief since I'm posting a new chapter as well.

I'm more used to writing with single spacing since I'm doing the same on my other fan fiction (it's externally hosted so that might be why) and I normally break things down into days or an event which I can't do in this instance plus my worry about bricking the forum is because I'll be posting a new chapter every day and if the page count increases along with limited posting from others there might be a chance of problems with the forum going loopy (but as I said if it's really necessary then I'll put the breaks in, but it might be problematic due to time constraints).
My other story also features a original character, but that currently has more interaction with the characters from the game as will this one in the next chapter or three.
As I'd already used one of the main characters in my other story, I decided to use one of the lesser known characters this time round.
The introduction I feel can only be changed depending on the characters interests (it's probably because I put in reading as one of the interests that makes it look like it was taken directly), but the end part is different since I'm certain Hisao doesn't mention any duration in his introduction.
I did refer to the seating information, but I used a bit if imagination to squeeze the character into the front row (you did give me a bit of an idea to have the character wonder why he was placed on the front row and not the second since there would've been space there) and the person to his left is Lezard, but since he doesn't know that persons name I left it as a unknown person at the moment (that will be cleared up soon).
I use libreoffice since it's free, but it doesn't include a thesaurus (but I do have a habit of repetition) an the interaction with the student council duo will only cover the end of chapter two and most of chapter three.


And speaking of chapter three, here it is.

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Lunch and Examinations

We go down the stairs, heading even lower then the lobby where I met Mutou this morning all the way to the lower floor.
Once we get to the cafeteria I find that, like everything else about the inside of the school it's more spacious and modern then the exterior makes it out to be.
“It's the cafeteria”, Misha said rather enthusiastically.
The sudden gazes of those around us told me that they didn't take to it that well, but Misha didn't seem to care as we proceeded to the line.
The list of menu options is rather long, but then it has to be as most of what is on offer would cater to those students that have special dietary requirements.
It feels like I'm back in the hospital, where the food is measured out with scientific precision to meet the needs of the patients.
I choose something at random and followed Shizune and Misha to a table, sitting next to Misha.
When I take my first bite, I find that it doesn't look as appetizing as it looked, but I get distracted by Misha poking me in the side to get my attention and I push her hand away, which doesn't impress her that much.
“I just don't like anyone poking and prodding me”, I said “especially after what happened to me”.
I have become a bit wary about all that after those so called friends took every opportunity to aggravate my injury.
The look on Misha's face told me that she didn't buy what I'd said, instead she points to Shizune, but since I don't understand sign, what she's trying to 'say' escapes me.
“Do you want to know something”, Misha asked.
“About what”, I asked.
“About anything”, Misha said “we're your guides so you should ask if there's something you want to know about”.
I rack my brain to come up with something to ask, but I can't think of anything.
“I can't really think of anything to ask”, I said.
“That means we've been good guides, doesn't it, doesn't it”, Misha said.
That last part comes out of her mouth in an up and down style, which makes a wince a bit.
“If you say so”, I said.
Misha beams at my response which made a difference from the annoyed look she had a little while ago, as does Shizune after a quick translation.
I turn my attention back to my rather unappetizing food, as Shizune and Misha start signing back and forth rather animatedly, throwing sideways glanced at me every once in a while, and the lack of actual talking made me think that their talking about secret girl stuff.
Once we've finished eating, we clean up and head back to the classroom.
Everyone walks back into class, with the exception of one.
The sleepy girl that sits to my right is strangely absent in the afternoon, but considering her 'disability' is most likely sleep related then it might be that she had fallen asleep somewhere and didn't make it back to class, or it could be that she fell asleep somewhere and someone who was with her took her somewhere so she can sleep without interruption.
That is if she can be interrupted when she sleeps, but now that my mind is pre-occupied with something other then Mutou's monotone voice invading my ears, something else comes to me.
I started to wonder why I'd been seated in the front row, since there's plenty of space in the second row for another desk.
It could be because of the odd girl to boy ratio in the class, or because that there's more boys on the right of the classroom then on the left or it could be because there's already two boys in the second row and my being placed on the front row was just because they started on the front row and went backwards.
It could be anything, but it gave me enough to distract myself until the final bell rings.
After I extracted myself from my seat I remembered that I had to check in with the nurse, but since I thought that I knew where I had to go since I spotted a smaller building right next to the school building, I didn't need the assistance of Shizune and Misha to get there.
As I walked out of the classroom, I was stopped in my track by someone grabbing my left arm, which turned out to be Misha.
“You seem to be in a rush to go somewhere”, Misha asked.
“I have to check in with the nurse”, I said “they're based in the building next to this one if I'm not mistaken”.
“You're not mistaken”, Misha said “the head nurse's office is on the first floor”.
I thanked Misha for the extra information, and headed out of the classroom.
I entered the auxiliary building and headed for the head nurse's office, hoping that this would be a quick visit like the teacher had said.
I find the head nurse's office rather quickly and as I knock, a voice from the other side responds, most likely telling me that I can come in.
The room isn't that large and it smells strange, like a nurse's office might smell like.
A friendly-looking man sitting at the desk, turns around on his office chair to face me as I enter.
“Hello there”, the man said “what can I do for you today?”
“Are you the nurse”, I asked.
That look tells me that he's heard that question hundreds of times.
“Why yes, I am”, the nurse said “it says so on the door, if I'm not mistaken”.
After a quick handshake, I get back to the reason I came here to begin with.
“I'm a new student and my homeroom teacher said that I had to check in with you”, I said “my name is Karou Nomura”.
His snaps his fingers after realizing who I am.
“Oh you're THAT Nomura”, the nurse said “I was reading your file this morning. Some kind of back injury and related nerve problems, right?”.
He gestures me to sit down in a vacant chair in front of his desk, and goes through everything that I already knew about the school before looking for my file.
He looks through it after digging it out, and looks surprised when he got to one part.
“I didn't expect you to prescribed that many pain killers”, the nurse said.
“There only to be taken when necessary”, I said “it can get really painful if the affected area is hit or I do something that irritates it, that's why there's so many”.
“I see”, the nurse said after reading through a few more pages “I'll have to check your back to make sure everything is all right”.
That was to be expected, since I was left with a few bruises after my so called friends kept putting me back in the hospital in utter agony, and they're taking their sweet time to go away.
I took off my shirt and vest as the nurse walked over to examine my back.
“Are you doing any physical activities at the moment”, the nurse asked.
“I used to do running as I was a part of my old schools track team”, I said “but I gave it up after the accident”.
“You should take it up again” the nurse said “some exercise will do you the world of good, and as long as you don't do anything too risky then you should be fine”.
“My physical therapist did give me a few ways I could do running without causing any problems”, I said “so I might get back into running if there's space on this schools track team”.
“I'm certain they have the space for another runner”, the nurse said “I'll see if I can put in a good word for you”.
“And now can you do that”, I asked.
“I know someone who is in the track and field club”, the nurse said “so I'll speak to her and she if she can get a good word in with the team captain”.
I felt a bit relieved that I could get back to running, but I was distracted by movement in one corner of the room where an eye was looking out from behind the curtain that was situated there.
“So you've finally woken up, Suzuki”, the nurse said “I hope you enjoyed the free show”.
The curtain opens fully, and a girl emerges from behind it.
It's the girl that sits next to me in class which would mean that she's been here since lunch, but then I realize that I'm standing here with nothing covering my upper body, so I grabbed my vest and quickly put it on.
“You could've told me there was someone else here”, I said “I would've been a bit more reluctant to go topless”.
“I didn't expect her to wake up at this exact moment”, the nurse said “but your reaction was priceless”.
I wasn't that impressed with his response as I put my shirt back on.
“Well everything seems to be all right”, the nurse said “so you can go now, but if you need anything don't hesitate to came ask me and you can go too”.
The last part was directed at Suzuki, so both of us left the nurses office at the same time.
As we stood outside the door, I heard a rumbling coming from the girl that was standing next to me, which was a good thing as I was hungry as well.
“Do you want to got to the cafeteria for dinner”, I asked.
It sounded like a really bad pick-up line, but the girl understood what I meant and after nodding in reply, we headed to the cafeteria.

Why are you lifting lines verbatim from the VN?
It's not like there was any need to do so...
Also, your comma-use is pretty haphazard, and there are some grammar problems like "their" <> "they're".
A LOT better then your first story, though!

It just made things a bit easier for some of the scenes that would match up from those in the game, but I did try to change some parts around to make them look different (but I might have failed).
There should be only one more time that I'd have to use some of the lines from the game in one of the later scenes. Everything else should come from my own ideas (Except for when Hisao joins the class, but I won't be repeating lines since I already have plans for that part).
After what you said about my comma use I tried adding a few more in, although I'm still not too sure about placement so it would look a bit haphazard (this has been carried on from the second chapter of my other story which I'm about done with) and I'll have to go over what I've already written to check for any grammar issues since the grammar checking side of the word processor I'm using seems to be a bit limited (it only detects errors where I should've used 'an' instead of 'a' on it's own).

Also a little advanced warning here as I should be posting new chapters on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but there won't be a new chapter posted on Friday and most likely Saturday since I'm going to the London Expo on Saturday, and I need to get to bed early on Friday to get up early on Saturday so I can get there before the early entry lines get too long (I'll most likely write a whole chapter on both Friday and Sunday and post both of them on the Sunday).

And here's the next chapter. Featuring Suzu and Miki along with some clarity about who sits to the left of Karou in class.

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Dinner and Introductions

“I'm Suzu Suzuki”, the girl said “it's a pleasure to meet you”.
I was a bit taken aback by the sudden introduction.
“It's a pleasure to meet you too, Suzuki”, I said.
“That's not good. You should call me by my given name”, Suzu said as she walked a little further ahead and turned to look directly at me “it's Suuu-zuuu”.
“Then, it's a pleasure to meet you, Suzu”, I said.
“That's better”, Suzu said “we're classmates, and we sit next to each other so we should be on a first name basis, Karou”.
I ended up being a bit embarrassed since this is the first time a girl has called my by my given name, but then the other girls I'd talked to in the past weren't in the same class as me.
“So your back must be the reason why you transferred here” Suzu asked.
“You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out”, I said “my friends decided to play a practical joke on me and I ended up with my back broken in three places”.
“How did they manage to do that”, Suzu asked.
“I used to do the high wire”, I said “they messed around with the safety equipment and instead of either hanging from the supporting line, or dropping into the net when I slipped off the wire, I ended up hitting the net and the floor shortly afterwards”.
“It must've been hard for you”, Suzu said.
“It was made harder by my so called friends hitting my back at every possible opportunity”, I said “it was the only after all of that, did they finally got what was coming to them since the place I was going to for those high wire lessons nearly got sued for causing my accident”.
“I'm sorry”, Suzu said “I didn't mean to go that far”.
“It's all right”, I said “I'd rather have this out in the open then covered up like this scar is”.
I actually felt more relaxed talking about what happened with Suzu, since her condition can't be covered up as well as mine.
We finally made it to the cafeteria and took seats facing each other after getting our food, along with a few cans of coffee for Suzu.
I choose something other then what I had for lunch, but it ends up being just as unappetizing as what I'd eaten at lunch.
“Not that good”, Suzu asked.
“I could never get used to hospital food”, I said “it never tasted right”.
“You'll get used to it eventually”, Suzu said.
“I've had about three months of getting used to it”, I said “so I doubt that I'd get used to it over the next year”.
“You was in hospital that long”, Suzu said.
“I was only in hospital for just over a month”, I said “the rest of the time was because of my so called friends hitting my back and causing a lot of pain”.
“Just hang in there”, Suzu said “you'll get used to it”.
“So you're finally awake, Suzu”, a female voice said from behind me.
“Hello, Miki”, Suzu said “I woke up a little while ago and came here for something to eat”.
I turned around on my seat to find the source of the voice was the dark skinned or tanned girl.
Miki took the seat next to mine, and placed the food she had on the table.
"We haven't been introduced yet", Miki said "I'm Miki Miura, pleased to meet you".
"Likewise, Miki", I said.
"Now that's more like it", Suzu said "at least I didn't have to bend your arm this time".
"I hope you didn't do it literally", Miki said.
"I just had to convince him to call me by my given name", Suzu said.
Miki looked as Suzu, then me and quickly changed the subject.
"I thought that the lit club wasn't accepting any more members", Miki said.
"It isn't like that", Suzu said "I woke up while Kaoru was checking in with the nurse, and we headed straight here".
"So are you looking into joining any clubs", Miki asked.
"He's already being put forward for the track and field club", Suzu said "the nurse is going to talk to his contact in the club to try and get him in".
"I hope you can get in", Miki said "I'm looking forward to working with you if you do".
"So you must be in the track and field club as well", I asked.
"I'm one of the runners in the club", Miki said.
We were suddenly distracted by a badly hidden yawn from Suzu.
"We'd better start eating", I said "otherwise we might be doing some clean up".
Suzu pulled the tab on another can of coffee as Miki and I started eating, and for some unknown reason the food tasted better then it did a little while ago.
It might be that it tastes better when cool, or that the company make the meal taste better.
We finished eating without Suzu dozing off, so we left the cafeteria together and headed to the dormitories.
As we got near the dorms Miki and Suzu went towards the building that must be the girls' dorm, but before they left Suzu walked up to me.
"I hope that we get to talk again", Suzu said.
"I'm certain that we will", I said "see you tomorrow".
Suzu smiled at me, and then turned around to head to the girls' dorm.
When I entered the male dormitory, I fished around in my right trouser pocket to find the key that had appeared on my desk after I returned from lunch.
I let out a sigh after I read the number that was printed on the label, as it told me that my room was on the third floor.
While I scaled the stairs to get to my room, I wondered why they put me on the third floor and not on the first floor since it would be easier on me if I had any problems.
When I reached the third floor I looked around to find the area that me room in located in, and once I got there I found that the other three rooms that are located in this corridor are occupied, but I just wanted to check out my room so I walked to the door outside my room, put the key in the door and walked in.
Just as I started to walk in, one of the other doors opened.
"So you're the one who has moved into that room", the voice said.
I turned around to find the person who sits to my left in class.
"I should introduce myself", he said "I'm Lezard Valeth. Pleased to meet you".
"Likewise", I said.
I'd given up on saying any more since I've already gone through all this with Suzu and Miki.
"I something on your mind", Lezard asked.
"I'm just wondering why I was put on the third floor and not the first or even the second floor", I said.
"There aren't any rooms left on the second floor", Lezard said "and I'd pity anyone who is assigned a room near Setou".
I was rather confused after being told that, but I decided to thank him for the information and we headed into our respective rooms.
My room looked rather plain and empty since my parents said that they'll pack everything away for me.
The only thing that looked out of place in here was the monstrosity that is my bed.
After the 'accident' sleeping in my old bed became problematic, so I now have a bed where the head and foot ends move to make things more comfortable.
However, this isn't the one that is in my room at home since it would be a pain to move over here, and I would have been without a bed for a few days.
On the night table was all my medications, but they're only to be used when it's necessary.
After all the commotion of the day, I was too tired to do anything else so I got undressed and headed to bed.

Regarding the grammar, I advise you to look into conjugation of verbs, especially the difference between "was" and "were" or when a verb needs an "S"...

I always have some troubles figuring if I have to use either was or were, so I use gut instinct to place them (but I must be failing).
Although I've dropped a few spelling clangers without realizing it (she instead of see in chapter 3 (I haven't edited it out on here) and me instead of my in chapter 4).

And here's the next chapter (hopefully I haven't made any stupid spelling mistakes this time).


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Taking risks

The morning came with the sound of my alarm clock echoing through the room.
I turn off the alarm, and looked into the room.
It still didn't look that familiar even after the first night, but I knew that would change eventually.
After adjusting the foot end of the bed I slipped out of bed, put on my uniform and headed to class.
A few students were sitting at their desks when I got there and once I'd taken my seat, the door opened and Miki walked in with Suzu following in behind.
Suzu smiled when she saw me looking in her direction, and she walked over to her seat.
“Good morning, Suzu”, I said
“Good morning, Karou”, Suzu said “did you sleep well”.
“As well as can be expected”, I said “I have a feeling that you slept well, even after all the sleep you had yesterday”.
“I did”, Suzu said “how could you tell”.
“You looked a bit more energised then you did yesterday”, I said.
“This does happen every once in a while”, Suzu said “but not that often”.
We stopped talking as the door opened again and more students filtered in, followed by the teacher.
This time we were to get into groups and work on a specific set of problems.
As I wondered whom I would work with, I started to feel like there were two pairs of eyes burning holes in my back.
As I turned around to face my fate, I'd noticed that Suzu had moved her desk next to Miki's and when she noticed that I was looking in her direction, she signalled for me to come over and work with them after Miki called for the girl that sat near the window to come over.
Sorry, Shizune and Misha, I'm afraid that you won't be having the pleasure of my company today.
I placed my desk in front of Suzu's as the other girl placed her desk in front of Miki's.
“I should introduce myself”, the girl said “I'm Molly Kapur. Pleased to meet you”.
Likewise, Molly”, I said as I stuck with the generic response I started to use.
Considering her accent and name, I could come to the conclusion that Molly is foreign and most likely is from India or her parents came from there.
Even though I'd stuck with a simple one word response, Suzu still smiled after I called Molly by her given name.
Once the introduction had been done, we got on with the task in hand.
Surprisingly, we got along really well and finished answering all the questions with plenty of time to spare, and with Suzu staying awake for the whole time.
We used the remaining time before lunch to check over our answers, and moved our desks back once the lunch bell rang.
As I was putting my desk back, Shizune and Misha were looking at me in an attempt to get me to join them for lunch, but someone grabbing my left arm told me that they'd have to do without my company for lunch as well.
When I turned around to see who had a hold of my arm I found Suzu there, along with at least three other students waiting for her.
“Why don't you join us for lunch”, Suzu said.
“Do we have to have another person coming with us for lunch”, one of the students said.
“There's plenty of room for one more person, Akio”, Lezard said “plus it's not nice being rude to the new guy, especially since your room is right next to his”.
“I suppose that it doesn't matter”, Akio said “since Suzu will bring him along even if I objected”.
“Lets get going”, I said “if we keep bickering here, it'll mean that we have less time to eat”.
“He does have a valid point”, Lezard said “if we don't get going, then we won't have much time to eat”.
Akio gave up with complaining, and started to walk out of the classroom with the rest of us following behind him.
Once we arrived at the cafeteria and got whatever food we wanted, we headed to a clear area of seating and sat down with Suzu taking the seat to my left.
"So I'm guessing that you have lunch with these people all the time", I asked.
"Miki comes with us as well", Suzu said "but she has some club things to do today".
"That would be a given since you're friends", I said "and I suspect that the rest of you are in the same club".
"Not all of us are in the same club", the larger student said.
"Akio, Suzu and myself are in the literature club", Lezard said "Taro just tags along since we all live in the same section in the dorms, and he serves as an emergency cushion in case Suzu falls asleep when climbing the stairs".
"There aren't any open spaces in the club", Akio said from behind the book he was reading.
"I already know that", I said "the nurse has convinced me that I should dust off my running shoes".
"So you're going for the track and field club", Taro said "good luck with that".
I just have to wonder why Taro said that.
Well I can't dwell of that as time is wasting, and the food I have in front of me won't eat itself.
Suzu and I headed back to class first while everyone else sorted themselves out, but as we got near the classroom a girl ran past us, stopped and turned around to face me.
She was shorter then me and had her hair tied up in twin tails, but the one thing that doesn't escape me is her legs which are made up of prosthetics up to just below the knees.
"So you're the guy the nurse asked me to get into the track and field club", the girl said "come down to the track after class and the captain will speak with you, and be dressed for running".
And with the message delivered, the girl leaves for her own classroom.
We got back to the classroom to find Miki already sitting at her desk.
"Did you get the message", Miki asked.
"Well all I have to do is hope I make a good impression", I said.
"I'm sure you will", Miki said.
Suzu and I took our seats just as everyone else started to filter back in.
The rest of the day was one big monotone lecture, so I was glad when the final bell rang.
I quickly departed the classroom and headed back to the dorms.
My parents didn't want me to do any running so I didn't get a gym uniform, but I managed to sneak my uniform from my old school into my luggage.
I changed into my old running clothes and headed to the track.
When I got to the track everybody seemed to be working hard, so I walked down and asked where the captain is.
I didn't have to make myself known when I got to where the club captain was, as he walked right up to me once he spotted me.
"So you're the guy who want into the team", the captain said "you'll have to impress me if you want in, so you'll be running against Ibarazaki".
The person he pointed to was the same girl that delivered the message to me after lunch.
Once the captain called her, she walked over and looked straight at me.
"You'd better be ready", she said "since I won't be going easy on you".
"I wouldn't expect you to go easy on me", I said "and I'm more then ready".
With all that said, we headed out onto the track and took our positions.
"That's not the correct starting posture", the girl said.
"I have to start like this", I said "otherwise I'd only go two or so meters before falling down".
That was correct since if I used the regular starting posture instead of the posture I was taught by my physical therapist, then putting the amount of force that a start would generate through my spine would put me on the floor in agony.
The girl nods and gets back into her starting position while I get back into mine.
"On your marks", the captain called out "get set".
When the captain called out to get set, I lifted my head up and pulled my right arm back ready for the signal to start running.
The captain clapped his hands together as a starting signal, and the two of us launched ourselves forwards.
The start was good with the two of us being neck and neck for the first few meters, but at the half way mark the girl had built up a ten meter lead on me.
I kept on going but the gap kept on increasing with every step, so I pushed myself as hard as I could without causing any problems to my back.
I managed to catch up, but it wasn't enough as the girl crossed the line twelve meters ahead of me
After seeing her cross the line before me I slowed down, and was almost at a walking pace when I crossed the line.
I didn't need the stopwatch that was shown to me to tell me that my tame was slower then my best time, but the girl walked over in what looked like a really foul mood.
"Why did you slow down", the girl said "you pushed yourself as hard as you could and then gave up, why".
I couldn't answer her since I knew that if I hadn't pushed myself then I would've been a lot slower, but I was distracted just as I thought about something to say.
"Look out, behind you", Miki called out.
Her words came too late as whoever she was warning me about collided with me, and I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes partly because of the impact, but mostly because of the pain that is now surging through my body after the impact.
Suzu must've given her fair warning about some of my problems since she wouldn't have called out if she didn't know.
The pain had now become unbearable, and I was unable to hear anything from the people that had surrounded me.
One person tried to move my arm, but it just made the pain worse and the person let go most likely because I screamed.
"You need to get the nurse, quickly", a voice said.
For a few seconds, my hearing came back and I heard Suzu's voice telling someone to get the nurse, but it want away again and eventually everything did as I finally passed out from all the pain.

Double spacing pleeeeeease.

You know, even without the risk of collisions, running isn't really an activity for people with chronic backpain. Even after the start it puts a lot of pressure on the back. I'm surprised the nurse would even consider it, but he didn't know just how bad it was back then.
I'd recommend himjoining the swimming team. Yamaku has a pool just for students like him.

BlackRockHanako wrote:Double spacing pleeeeeease.

Seriously, I can't even read these without dumping them into word and redoing the spaceing. Which is far too much effort. I stopped after the first one.

Mirage_GSM wrote:You know, even without the risk of collisions, running isn't really an activity for people with chronic backpain. Even after the start it puts a lot of pressure on the back. I'm surprised the nurse would even consider it, but he didn't know just how bad it was back then.
I'd recommend himjoining the swimming team. Yamaku has a pool just for students like him.

I never said that he had chronic back pain, so allow me to clear things up.
His back was broken in three places after the accident and it was all fixed in surgery (think not being able to go through a metal detector without setting it off), but the problem is that if his back is hit with enough force then it's enough to trigger pains going throughout his body (the force of the hit determines the intensity and duration) so running would still be a possibility (remember like with my other original character story most of this is just fantasy).

And now here's the next chapter complete with limited double spacing (because putting in a double space after every sentence or speech section would firstly make it look ugly due to the shortness of most of the lines and secondly if I did do double spaces after every sentence or speech section would effectively double the post size and most likely lead to bricking the page).

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Pain

I awoke in an unfamiliar room with dull signs of pain still pulsing through my body.
As I looked around, the curtain that surrounded part of the bed I was on looked like the same one I saw Suzu come out from in the nurse's office.
I suddenly heard some hushed voices coming from behind the curtain, so this must be the bed in the nurse's office.
Since I'd already woken up, I didn't think that I needed to be here so I slipped out of the bed, but some movement did cause some discomfort and as I walked up to the curtain I could hear the voices a lot more clearly.
“Will he be okay”, Miki asked.
“He's been given a high dose of pain killers”, the nurse said “so he should be more comfortable when he does wake up”.
“It's all my fault”, Miki said “if I'd have warned him sooner then he wouldn't have ended up like this”.
“It's not your fault, Miki”, Suzu said “it wasn't you that ran into him”.
“But it looked like he was in so much pain”, Miki said “he couldn't even be moved until he passed out”.
“This is the first time this has happened to him”, the nurse said “there isn't anything in his records that shows this level of pain, or with him passing out after any hits”.
He's right on that one since all the other hits were heavy slaps on the back, and this one felt like a freight train hitting me.
I decided to not leave them in the lurch any longer, and opened the curtain.
The depressed look that was plastered on Miki's face subsided after I walked out from behind the curtain.
“So you're finally awake”, the nurse said.
“How long have I been out”, I asked.
“For just under an hour”, the nurse said “I've got all the information I need, and you should be all right with the pain killers you've been given so you can go back to your room now”.
Suzu and Miki got up from the chairs they were sitting on, and followed me out of the office.
No words passed between us as we walked through the school grounds, but as we reached the dorms I finally spoke up.
“You shouldn't blame yourself for this, Miki”, I said “like Suzu said, you didn't run into me so it isn't your fault”.
“But still”, Miki said “my warning came too late”.
“You did warn me and that is enough”, I said “now I don't want you wallowing in a pit of despair in class tomorrow. I want to see the Miki Miura I've known since yesterday”.
After a grin from Miki and a gentle hug from Suzu, the two headed in one direction and I headed in the other.

As I reached my room, I noticed three figures standing in the corridor.
“We heard something happened to you on the track”, Taro said “is everything all right?”
“As well as it should be”, I said “the pain killers are doing their job so I should be fine”.
I really didn't want to talk any more, as I wanted to get some rest and they saw this so they went back to their rooms as I went into mine.
I got out of the clothes I was wearing as gently as I could, put my pyjamas on and headed to bed.
It took at least three hours before sleep claimed me.

I woke up suddenly, not because my alarm had started, but because if the pain that was going through my body.
It was worse then the pain I had after waking up in the nurse's office, but it wasn't as bad as it was after I got hit.
I looked over at the alarm clock, and it told me that I had more then enough time to get some pain killers down me, let them take effect and get everything ready for lessons.
I eased myself off the bed and looked over at the medication on the night table, checked each one until I found the one I should be taking at this moment in time, took out the correct dosage, swallowed them with a chase of water and got back on the bed to let the medication take affect.
It took about half an hour for the pain to subside enough for me to get ready, so I slipped out of bed again to get ready for the day and after I'd gotten dressed I went first to my bag to get out a small notebook, and then to the night table to retrieve some empty containers.
I filled each container with one dose of each pain killer, making sure that I noted which one was in each container on the notebook before putting all the containers, the notebook and a bottle of water into my bag and headed to class.

I arrived in class just as Mutou was about to start his lecture, so I went to my seat shaking my head at Miki as I passed her when I noticed the look on her face.
It was a good thing that the morning lessons were lectures as I wouldn't have been able to work well in a group session, but halfway through the mornings lessons the pain started to come back so I looked at the notebook that I'd bought out with the list of medications, rooted through the correct pocket to find the containers, brought out the container I was looking for, removed the lid and took the tablets with a bit of water.
My sudden actions didn't seem to faze anyone in class, but Mutou did notice and then went back to his lecture.
The bell rang to signal the start of lunch, and everyone either started to filter out of the classroom or started to bring out their own lunch boxes, while I followed Miki, Suzu, Taro, Akio and Lezard to the cafeteria.

When we got to the cafeteria, Miki convinced the others to get my lunch for me as she walked me over to a clear area of seating.
While everyone else was as the serving window, I pulled out the next container of pills from my bag and placed them on the table along with the bottle of water and waited for my food to be brought over.
Once everyone had come back with their and my food, I took the medication before eating the food that had been put in front of me.
Not much conversation passed between us as we were eating, and after everyone had finished eating we headed back to class.

The afternoon lessons were lectures as well, but the good thing was that I didn't need to take any more pills for that whole time although Suzu did end up falling asleep, and seeing her sleeping face was most likely why I was able to get through the rest of the day.
Once the bells rang to indicate the end of classes for the day, I wondered what I should do since the track would be out of the question in my current question and that I probably wouldn't have passed the captains test since I lost badly in the race, so I thought that I should go to the library to get some reading material.
I walked down to the second floor, and immediately got lost.
I knew that the library is on this floor, but I didn't know where it was.
As I walked around, a sudden surge of pain went through my body as the last set of pain killers wore off.
The pain wasn't as bad as it was this morning, but it was still bad enough to keep me from continually walking so I gently eased myself against the wall and slowly slid to the ground as I went through my bag for the last container.
However, I couldn't find it so I just stayed there hoping that the pain would subside over time.
Time passed, but the pain still wouldn't go away or at least subside enough for me to be able to get back to my room.
Suddenly a door opened to my right and I could hear someone walk out into the corridor, but as the footsteps came as far as the door I could feel something tapping against me.
It seemed that whoever it was had just started walking past as whatever it was kept tapping against me, but the footsteps stopped after I groaned when a surge of pain went through my right arm and from what I could see the feet that belonged to the person turned back around in my direction.

I know. You explained that before, but I'm lazy, so instead of repeateing all that, I shortened it to "chronic backpain".
Still, when you're running, every step is like a small slap on the back... See why it might not be a good idea for him to join the track team?

Oh, and that's not double spacing. You inserted a line after every scene. If you hadn't done that, it would have been completely unreadable.
And why does everyone suddenly worry about breaking the forums? It has withstood worse punishment before.