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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Fri May 11, 2012 10:18 am
by Dawnstorm
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. When I played the game, Rin was the character I identified with the most. She's almost my teenage self (down to little details like cloud watching or walking in the rain). She manages a calmer front, though, than I ever did. Glad I didn't let her down.
nemz wrote:Usually that dash would be better as either an em dash (with no spaces on either side) or a semicolon. You do this a couple times, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered pointing it out.
Yep, I know. It's a minority way of doing it, these days (though I still sometimes see it in British manuscript guidelines). It's a habit holdover from my typewriter days. It's one of those things I'll keep the way I feel comfortable with until I submit to official sources (which my well be never, since I don't see myself as a professional, really).
“Hisao. Emi knows him She ran him over, and he almost died, but he didn't get angry, and that's why she likes him.
Added a full stop, which was supposed to be there, but somehow wasn't. I also corrected a very odd typo: "sulince" --> "silence" (I'm still wondering how I ended up typing that...).
This passage gave me Evangelion ep23 flashbacks. Miya and Rei should compare notes on the subject, and perhaps karaoke after.
Now that is an interesting association. Fun thing is: I can totally see that. :mrgreen:

ETA: Well, I've now re-watched ep23 of Evangelion, and I'm surprised how closely the section fits. It could almost be a deliberate reference (which it isn't). I know ep23 was the one that left the biggest impression of the series with me, but I didn't know the extent of it. I don't think it's a coincidence; not after watching it. Freaky.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 2:36 am
by Dawnstorm
For story-post navigation please refer to the index post.

I.4. Rumours (continued)

Time doesn't pass quickly enough. Hisao tries to listen to Mutou's lecture, but his mind is a mess of rumours, curiosity and shame. And the atmosphere in the classroom is not conducive to concentration, either. It is Saturday, and with the festival only a day away, nobody is enthusiastic about the lecture. Mutou, probably aware of this, doesn't speak with the strength conviction. The sun sends its rays through the window, and Hisao catches himself watching dust motes dance in the light. They're slow and aimless; calming. Eventually Hisao's settles in a half-trance, gently melancholic. He feels sleepy and time loses its meaning. And then he notices a commotion around him. He blinks and looks around. Has he dosed off? It wouldn't surprise him, considering how badly he has slept last night. Around him, Students are packing up. Hanako's desk is already empty. So class has ended...

In the corner of his eye a swift movement, a flash of pink, a hint of blue... Oh no!

“Spacing out, Hicchan?”

Hisao swirls around in his seat, facing forward again. Misha has a huge grin on her face. Shizune is giving him a measured look, slightly leaning forward. Hisao's immediate reaction is confusion. They act as if nothing has happened. Hisao has not yet fully returned to the present moment, and in his daze he can almost believe that yesterday was little but a nightmare. He looks at the student council, but has nothing to say. Of course, yesterday was no dream. Of course, yesterday happened. And here they are, despite it all, or because of it. Hisao cannot make out their act. Surely, they are aware of the rumours. Surely, they don't believe them? It feels as if drama club girl Miyako has pushed a script on them, and here they are, acting it out.

Shizune starts signing and about a second later Misha starts talking. The usual phase-shifted stereo conversation. “Are you planning to slack off today, Hicchan? Even the slackers are busy today, Hicchan, with festival preparations. In fact, the slackers are twice as busy today, because they have been slacking off. Wahahaha, Shicchan, that's true! Wait. We have fallen beh... Ow! Why are you hitting me?”

Of course. They must have lost time yesterday. They would have had... things to talk about. And now they're behind schedule. How that must irk Shizune. Hisao studies her, but as usual he cannot make out her expression. Looking straight at her is a mistake, though. It is an automatic challenge. She meets his eyes – of course, she does – and waits. So now it's his turn. He has to say something.

“It can't be helped,” he says. “I wasn't at Yamaku, when tasks were assigned.” It is the most ineffective reply possible, and he knows it, but his mind isn't fully trained on the student council dodge. They are talking about student council work, about festival preparations. But is this really what they are talking about? Is that foremost on their minds? Well, with Shizune it might be. He cannot make her out at all. Still, in part at least this conversation must be about what nobody of them addresses. So what is there to say out loud? And how to say it? It's impossible for Hisao to get rid of the feeling that this is all an act. Sadly, he is a bad actor. The audience? He doesn't have to look around to know that they are not alone in class. Is the student council trying to save his reputation? Or are they trying to get back to the way things were before, by covering up yesterday's events with a layer of denial? Hisao is not good at either sort of pretence, and even if he were, he wouldn't know which to go for. His style is to watch, to think, to ask questions and give direct answers to questions asked. His strategy to deal with difficult situations is patience. Eventually, things will make sense. But the student council won't let him. What is the script? What's going on?

He has little resistance today and no doubt at all that he will end up helping the student council make up for lost time. For now, he decides to play the situation as he would have, had nothing happened. It is not easy to find the voice to do so, but he has no other plan. “Clearly,” he starts, “were I to look for someone to help, I would be insulting them by implying that they either didn't plan ahead or were unable to follow through. I'm not that rude. I could, of course, help one of those 'slackers', as you call them, but wouldn't that re-enforce slacking off by providing evidence to the hypothesis that there'll always be help? They need to learn their lesson.” So this is all he could come up with? It's an argument so ridiculous it's not even worth countering. They try anyway:

“Wahahah, Hicchan! You're very responsible. This is the perfect attitude for a member of the student council. Have you decided to join yet? Because if you did, you wouldn't need to worry about not having a task. The student council has plenty. So you don't have to feel sad, lonely and useless for being left out of festival preparations. How does that sound?”

Hisao tries to stay in character. “It sounds like a trap. And I don't feel sad, lonely and useless at all. After all, there are other ways to be repsonsible, and other things to be responsible for.” And if they push the issue now, then what? What does he want to be responsible for in the first place? Isn't that just and evasive dodge?

Misha and Shizune exchange looks, and Hisao doesn't like their expressions. They seem displeased with his reply, but not in the way they'd be if they merely thought this was a disappointingly bad move. Which it was. So what did he say? And I don't feel sad, lonely and useless at all... Oh. Oh! After yesterday, this is putting too much distance between them. If this is an act for others, he cannot just play his usual self, but this sort of proactive diplomacy is beyond him. The student council faces him again. Are they, now, going to educate the dense transfer student in matters of diplomacy?

“So, Hicchan, is it true what people say? Did you ask that girl to frighten us away, so you don't have to join the student council?”

The direct approach, then. Hisao feels the blood rush to his face. He may still not feel sad, or lonely. But he certainly feels useless. The subtle approach hasn't worked, and it is his fault. A heart attack would almost be welcome now, but the organ dutifully pumps blood upwards, working on a fully blown blush. And that blush will make him look guilty. He doesn't know what to do about it. Misha and Shizune have moved in, leaning forward. On their faces is the by now familiar frown. This is a frown designed to increase pressure, but it does not express anger. It is their usual game, but today he doesn't know how to play along. What a difference an audience makes! Is this... stage fright? Well, blush or no, he had to deny the charges. “Of course I didn't. It's a rumour, and one I haven't heard yet, too. And it's silly. I'm perfectly capable of declining to join the student council. And a student council willing to believe such a silly rumour is a student council I would most definitely decline to join.” Too dramatic, now. He just can't hit the right note today.

“Well, spoken, Hicchan! Of course, we don't believe those baseless rumours.”

Shizune is scanning the room. Hisao doesn't take his eyes of Misha and Shizune, but he thinks he can hear a sudden bustle of paper, as people hurry up with packing their stuff. He pities his classmates; if you're embarrassed about something, say about listening to or spreading rumours, you do not want to find yourself at the receiving end of Shizune's gaze. Eventually, Shizune is satisfied and begins signing again. “Of course,” Misha translates, “we have come up with a fail-proof plan to disperse the rumours. If you volunteered to join the student council, even the most gullible – gullible? Isn't that a bit mean, Shicchan? Okay, okay. Even the most gullible student will see that there is no sound base to that rumour.”

Hisao leans back. What an admirable act. Shizune plays both the crowd and him at the same time. And, what's more, the act takes in account that it is an act. She is trying to lure him into the student council as she always has. It is both a demonstration and a wily move. His classmates see that things are as they were, but at the same time Hisao has a harder time refusing them. Shizune is completely in charge of the situation. Hisao's head is spinning. Shizune is a master tactician. It makes part of him want to join the student council. Unfortunately for Shizune's plan, it is the same part of him that doesn't want to lose. “Ah, but,” he begins, and there is a renewed vigour in his voice, “wouldn't that be suspicious? Wouldn't people say that I am only joining up now, because I have been found out and I'm afraid of public disapproval? Wouldn't having a member like that taint the reputation of the venerable Student Council? I can't possibly take responsibility for this. However, if I were merely to help with the preparations for the festival, then this would show good will, but whatever people say would not automatically fall back on the student council's reputation.” So this is what the situation has become; their usual game as an act for an audience, an act that makes fun of rumours and what people believe.

Shizune frowns, while Misha is still signing. Then Misha stops signing, and Shizune continues to frown, but only for a little while. Then she puts on her triumphant smile and adjusts her glasses. She signs, and as always Misha translates: “As expected of Hicchan! This is an excellent idea! We can view this as a trial membership, and if you like the warm glow of accomplishment, then maybe you will not want to leave.”

“Hey, wait a minute! I want an opt-in clause, not an opt-out clause!”

Misha and Shizune exchange looks once again. This time they grin. “Well, Hicchan, we have lost enough time already. There is a lot of work and only the rest of the day to finish it. So. Let's go.” And without waiting for a reply they stalk off. Hisao shoves his notebook into his bag and hurries after them. Only when he leaves the classroom does he realise that they have not agreed to an opt-in clause. Well, he can always opt-out, a chance one does not have with rumours.

[Gah! This was supposed to be a short bridge to the next scene, but it took on a life of it's own, and now it's a fully fledged scene. This means, it'll take a week longer to finish this story now. ;) ]

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:04 am
by nemz
Gah! This was supposed to be a short bridge to the next scene, but it took on a life of it's own, and now it's a fully fledged scene.
I kinda wish it had stayed that, honestly. Who takes the time to think things out like this in the middle of a tense conversation? Short, choppy bits between spoken lines I'd buy, but not this and definately not from Hisao. He's a bright kid and a deep thinker, but quick-witted he is not. Even with the translation delay this would seem oddly paced to anyone observing.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 4:37 am
by Dawnstorm
nemz wrote:
Gah! This was supposed to be a short bridge to the next scene, but it took on a life of it's own, and now it's a fully fledged scene.
I kinda wish it had stayed that, honestly. Who takes the time to think things out like this in the middle of a tense conversation? Short, choppy bits between spoken lines I'd buy, but not this and definately not from Hisao. He's a bright kid and a deep thinker, but quick-witted he is not. Even with the translation delay this would seem oddly paced to anyone observing.
I agree. That's a cutting candidate if I've ever seen one. I'm having lots of trouble with that part. I should have taken Mirage's advice and written ahead before posting. (Not to mention that I don't think Misha/Shizune work. I can't write them well, but I can't ignore them either.)

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 2:16 am
by Dawnstorm
For story-post navigation please refer to the index post.


I.5. Being nice, being mean

When a painting is on a wall, it's a mural. But the wall the painting is on is not the mural. So if you can still see the wall behind painting, are those spots part of the wall or part of the mural. Rin is currently sitting with her back to the wall, so she cannot see either the mural or the wall, but if she could those paintless spots on wall would bother her. She didn't want there to be empty spots on the wall with a mural painting around them, but there hasn't been enough time to fill all spots, so there are. Rin thought if she weren't looking at the wall at all, she'd forget about the empty spots, and it almost worked, but now Miya is talking about the mural, and this renews Rin's worries: is the painting finished, or is it not? If it is, everything is all right. But if it isn't, it is a bad luck trap for people who – thinking it is finished – talk about it. Like Miya. Now.

The problem is this: The painting isn't finished because of the wall you can still see in it. But Rin knows that she will never fill it in, now. The painting has to remain as it is. That's because the project is finished. Also, when she stopped painting yesterday, she knew that she wouldn't fill in these spots, and she felt that was okay. That is like finishing a painting. So the painting is both finished and unfinished. It is a finished painting of an unfinished painting. So it's okay to talk about it. Probably. Rin risks a reply:

“I'm sorry you have an eyesore. The painting wasn't supposed to give you an eyesore, it just turned out that way. Maybe because my feet were sore, when I painted it. They were hurting for some time, but I couldn't stop, because there wasn't enough time. Maybe that's why you're eyes are sore from looking at it. My feet are numb now. If your eyes grow numb, too, maybe you should sleep?”

Miya stares at the painting. “I think my eyes are already becoming numb. Sleep is a good idea, but it's impossible in my room. Today's too noisy.”

Two men walk by. One of them glances at the mural for the tiniest of moments. They walk on.

“There,” says Rin. “You were wrong.”

Miya looks down at her. “About what?”

“You said the painting was inignorable, but it isn't. This man just ignored it.”

“Who?”

“This one,” Rin points her nose at the men who are just walking away. When she turns back to Miya, she finds Miya's gaze looking in the entirely wrong direction. Her eyes have narrowed. They don't look numb at all. Instead they look sore. Very sore. Certainly sorer than when she was looking at the mural. Rin's eyes follow Miya's gaze and find...

Hisao? He's not that unpleasant to look at. He wears boring clothes, and he always looks a bit sad, but that doesn't give her an eyesore. Maybe Miya's eyes are especially sensitive. When Rin looks back to Miya, she is already walking away.

“Hello, Rin.”

“Hello.”

Hisao looks at the painting for a while. “It's interesting,” he says.

“That might be a problem.”

Hisao shifts his attention on her. “Why?”

“If it's interesting you'll be looking at it for a long time, but if you look at it for too long your eyes may get sore. Miya got an eyesore, but she got an eyesore pretty quickly. Maybe she has sensitive eyes.”

Hisao sighs. “I knew it.”

“So she does have sensitive eyes?”

“No, what I meant is that I knew she would say something mean.”

“But she didn't.”

“What? But you just said she called your painting an eyesore.”

“Is that mean?”

The way Hisao looks at Rin makes her feel uncomfortable. Rin doesn't really understand what other people think of as mean. If her painting gives Miya an eyesore, what is Miya supposed to say? The turth may be unpleasant, but it often is. Is saying unpleasant things mean? And if that was mean, then what about making the painting that has given Miya an eyesore in the first place? Isn't that even meaner? The world must be full of mean people to Hisao. Rin is starting to understand why he always looks so glum.

“Do you want me to get angry at Miya?”

Hisao is starting to rub his temples. That is not a good sign. Rin continues:

“Many people do. And then they get angry at me for not getting angry at her. You look disappointed. Maybe you are not, but if you are it's better you realise now that I'm bad at getting angry. But even if knew how to get angry I wouldn't want to be angry. Being angry doesn't feel good.”

“It's fine,” Hisao says. “You don't have to be angry at Miya. But that seems to be unusual. Most people seem to hate her. What do you think about her?”

“I don't think about her much at all. If you ask me, I think, I like her. At least, I don't dislike her.”

“She must have a good side, too. It's just... When I first met her she asked me, if I'm going to worry about dying all the time, why don't I just just kill myself and get it over with.”

“Is that a mean thing to say?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“No. I think it's an interesting question. Maybe if you knew that, you wouldn't look so sad all the time.”

Hisao looks at her for a long time. “That's... not how I looked at it. Maybe I should.”

“Maybe.”

Then Hisao looks at the painting again, and Rin looks at the sky. Later, she wakes up, which means she has fallen asleep. There are different clouds in the sky, now, and the sun is lower. Hisao is no longer there, but the mural probably still is. She doesn't bother to check, even though part of her wants to. Instead she closes her eyes again. The sun is still warm on her face, so why not sleep some more? Miya is mean and Hisao is nice. Everyone agrees. Even Miya. So it must be true. Rin doesn't get it, but she doesn't have to. It's not important. Miya is Miya and Hisao is Hisao. Even if she doesn't get why one is nice and the other isn't, she's not going to confuse them. And anyway, they're not here, so it does not matter. She's thinking too much when she closes her eyes. Slowly, she falls asleep again.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 5:13 am
by nemz
YAY for new scene!

Rin is worrying over nothing. If anything leaving the mural partially unfinished will only accentuate the mural's theme of imperfect, unfinished people. In a way I always saw that mural as being a bit mean-spirited anyway... like Rin was trying to capture what all these visitors must see when they come to the school but don't dare voice, and then spitting it back in their faces with that mural as a great big "we know what you think, you aren't fooling anyone". But then again Rin doesn't see her fellows like that but rather in a very detached, curiously accepting sort of way that makes people uncomfortable for entirely different reasons, so to her the mural might actually me intended to portray her 'collection' in a positive light.

Hmm... I wonder if you'll think it's mean or nice for me to say that I almost wish you'd forget about Miya and just write more Rin. Miya is an interesting character for sure, but you write Rin better than just about anyone who isn't Aura and the world needs more of that.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 5:19 am
by Bagheera
nemz wrote:Hmm... I wonder if you'll think it's mean or nice for me to say that I almost wish you'd forget about Miya and just write more Rin. Miya is an interesting character for sure, but you write Rin better than just about anyone who isn't Aura and the world needs more of that.
For this story I think the focus should stay on Miya. It is her story, after all. I wouldn't mind seeing a side story (or a separate, unconnected story) starring Rin, though.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 6:18 am
by nemz
Bagheera wrote:For this story I think the focus should stay on Miya. It is her story, after all. I wouldn't mind seeing a side story (or a separate, unconnected story) starring Rin, though.
That's what I meant, yes. "almost" is an important qualifier.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 1:49 pm
by Dawnstorm
nemz wrote:Rin is worrying over nothing. If anything leaving the mural partially unfinished will only accentuate the mural's theme of imperfect, unfinished people. In a way I always saw that mural as being a bit mean-spirited anyway... like Rin was trying to capture what all these visitors must see when they come to the school but don't dare voice, and then spitting it back in their faces with that mural as a great big "we know what you think, you aren't fooling anyone". But then again Rin doesn't see her fellows like that but rather in a very detached, curiously accepting sort of way that makes people uncomfortable for entirely different reasons, so to her the mural might actually me intended to portray her 'collection' in a positive light.
That's quite interesting. I always saw the mural as Rin's equivalent of the doodles I made in text books during boring lessons. Nomally, she'd paint her feelings onto canvas, but the mural is bounded by time rather than mind-set, so she's a bit at a loss what to do. The result is that the painting expresses her boredom with having to do the painting. In the present alternate time-line finishing anxiety is a bit more accentuated. (She pretty much says that in her final scene in act one, and I pretty much take her at face value. There are probably subconscious motives she's not aware of, but they may not be at the centre of the painting.)
Hmm... I wonder if you'll think it's mean or nice for me to say that I almost wish you'd forget about Miya and just write more Rin. Miya is an interesting character for sure, but you write Rin better than just about anyone who isn't Aura and the world needs more of that.
Heh, I understand the need for more Rin stories. Glad I'm getting her right. But, sadly, this isn't a Rin story. Currently, two more Rin scenes are planned (one of which being her Encounters scene). She might shuffle in sideways in ways I don't expect.

For a rough time-line, I'm about two scenes away from finishing part 1. There are going to be three parts, I think, and the last one's probably going to be the shortest.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:05 am
by Dawnstorm
For story-post navigation please refer to the index post.

When half the town is noisy at Yamaku, where do you relax? In the town's park. Miya is sitting on the ground, leaning against a huge tree. But for two reasons, relaxing isn't as easy as she has hoped. First, she cannot get Hisao Nakai out of her head. The look he had given her earlier! There are feelings she has come to expect: anything from hatred to mild distaste, from fear to slight nervousness. But she could see none of that in the boy's eyes. What did that look say? She thinks people might look like that just before sitting down to their least favourite homework. But already the memory is fading, and she doesn't trust herself to get the image right. Miya does remember her own discomfort, and how surprised Rin looked at spotting it on her face. Because Miya has walked away, then, she will never know what they have talked about. Of course, had she stayed, a different conversation would have taken place. Some things are impossible to know. What irks her is that she's curious, anyway. She thinks they may have been talking about her. It irks her that she still cares what people think about her. But maybe they haven't talked about her at all. There are plenty of other topics. How important does she think she is? If they haven't talked about her, that curiosity is not only irksome but also pointless and misguided. An embarrassing overestimation of her own significance. That particular worry is irksome, too – a display of false humility. The role of a hypocrite doesn't suit her. Or so she thinks.

Luckily, the second distraction from relaxation also distracts from her brooding. There is a noisy little girl, maybe five or six years old, running around the park. She alternates between crying and calling her mum, and whenever someone approaches her, she shies away. It is a challenge to help her, and most people in the park have given up. The old lady by the pond still eyes her, obviously worried, but helpless. The man by the exit is hiding behind his newspaper. These are the obvious prototypes; most in the park fall into one or the other category. Miya has watched her for a while now. She has a strategy, which she calls “spider”: sit, watch, don't move, wait. Eventually she will stumble into her web. She is crying when she comes close enough.

“Hey!” Miya calls. A loud, sharp voice. “I can't sleep if you're that noisy.”

There are two reasons Miya can think of, why the girl shies away from strangers. She's either extremely timid, or her mother has told her not to talk to strangers. Maybe both are the case. In the former case, Miya's tone will frighten her. In the latter case, the mother probably has also told her not to disturb strangers. In both cases, she will stand out from the people in the park. And the girl will have to face her. The worst-case scenario is that she's frightened enough to flee from the park. But her strategy pays off: The girl falls silent, as if stricken by lightning. She remains frozen and stares at Miya. Dark eyes wide and filled with tears, already. Perhaps she wants to apologise, but all she can do is tremble. Good. Time to relax her stern expression, if only a bit. Put just a bit more warmth into her voice. “Of course,” she says, “you may have a good reason to cry so loudly. Do you have a good reason? Hm?”

“Mummy...” It's a tiny voice, barely audible.

“Now you're too quiet,” says Miyako. “I can't hear what you're saying.” But her own voice is quieting down.

“I can't find Mummy,” the girl says.

Miya gradually shifts into a smile. It's surprisingly easy. Flashes of her own childhood come before her memory. She pushes them away; at that age life was still fine. “That's a good reason to be noisy. Are you afraid?”

The little girl nods.

“And you think that, if you cry so loudly, your mummy will hear you and come to get you. Is that it?”

Of course, the girl has no such strategy. But the idea that her mother could have heard her should be able to calm her down a bit. It does. The trembling subsides. “Do you think Mummy will hear me?”

Miyako's smile becomes more gentle on its own. She has fallen into her role, now. “Maybe,” she says. “If she's close by. Do you know what I think? I think, your mummy is looking for you.”

“Do you think so?”

“I'm sure of it. Do you remember where you saw her last?”

“On the road,” the girl says.

Not exactly specific, but what did Miya expect? “Can you remember more?”

The girl looks down, shakes her head. She is starting to lose hope again, so Miya says the first thing that comes to mind, to keep her busy: “We could go look for your mum together. Would you like that?”

As expected, the girl shakes her head.

“No? Why not? Don't you want to find your mummy?”

“I'm not allowed to go with strangers,” she says.

Miyako has expected this answer, but she finds her self surprised at her reaction to hearing it out loud. Her smile gains a sad quality. Miyako, at that age, was a lot more trusting. And that was a childhood in the big city, where sleaze balls reproduce like roaches. She would have been frightfully easy to abduct. Her mum did tell her not to go with strangers, but she never one of thos whistles around her neck, that kids are supposed to blow in case of stranger danger. Part of Miya wants to cling to that sort naivety. If you want to make the world a nicer place, you have to risk the meaner aspects and live with the results. Most people are, in fact, nice. But in the end that means nothing. It takes months and lots of people to build a house. It takes one person with a wrecking ball to tear it down. That's the way life is. It's good this girl comes prepared, but still Miya can't help feel some sort of loss. “Your mummy said you can't?” Miya asks.

She nods.

“Then we must listen to your mummy, mustn't we?” Miyako's fingers drum on the earth. “So, what if you sit down, say, there -” she points at a space just to the left of the tree “- and we look for your mum together? We're not really close, so that doesn't count as you coming to me, so mummy can't be angry. Okay?”

The girl hesitates. She looks at Miya. Miya shifts a bit to the right, increasing the distance to the proposed place. The girl looks at her, then at the spot to the left of the tree. “Okay,” she says. Always keeping Miya in view, the girl sits down.

“Hi,” says Miya, “I'm Miya.”

“I'm Atsuko,” the girl replies. “Pleased, to meet you.”

This can't be true. Atsuko? Miya doesn't want to remember, but the universe is conspiring against her. How old was she when she first pretended to be Atsuko? Seven? Eight? Certainly older than this girl, here. She is a vision of what could have been. This Atsuko is cautious and shy. More rooted in the world, less of a dreamer. And certainly more obedient. Miya has summoned her, this last week, when, on a whim, she repeated that name to Hisao as her own. So Atsuko's mother will never come. She has no mother. She doesn't exist. Tears threaten Miya's eyes. She has to turn away, pretending to look for the girl's mother. Atsuko is relying on her, now; she can't be the one crying. She can't indulge in melodrama. Not now.

The old woman by the pond is still looking, and when their eyes meet, she gives Miyako an encouraging smile. Miyako feels like a mess. She's suddenly conscious of how she looks; especially her self-inflicted hair cut. And an old woman is smiling at her, because she is helping a child. This is not her. Things like that do not happen to her. But the child isn't her either. The entire situation feels so unreal. Miyako takes a deep breath. Not secure enough, yet, to face the little girl, she speaks. “Hey, Atsuko. What does your mum look like?”

“She's tall. And pretty.” The little voice sounds calmer now, and maybe a little more cheerful. Maybe.

“Tall. Pretty. Understood.” Well, a mother who's looking for a child should be easy to make out from her behaviour. At least, Miyako hopes so. The description isn't worth much. Maybe she should ask the woman by the pond to go look for the mother, while they're waiting here? Absent-mindedly she scans the surroundings. She doesn't find any woman who looks like she's lost a child. Instead, there's Hisao.

Something in her breaks. A strange euphoria settles over her. Such a surreal chain of coincidences. The absurdity of it hits her, and she feels indescribably calm. Total relief from all her worries. Things are the way they are. “Hey, Atsuko,” she calls, with genuine cheer, “there's Hisao. He's going to help look for your mum. Hisao!” She is smiling and waving now, like the idiot schoolgirl she could have been. “Hisao! Here we are! Hisao!”

And he sees her. The helplessly confused look on his face is priceless. Poor boy, caught in a cosmic comedy he cannot possibly understand. It's the Atsuko Show today. The mother-and-child re-union is only a heartbeat away.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 3:54 am
by nemz
Not sure what to think about this one. seems a bit short, and a good portion of what's here feels like recap though not exactly.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 8:20 am
by Mirage_GSM
Somehow this made me crave some chicken and egg...

But seriously, over the last two or three chapters I started to like this story more and more. Might be that she's not trying so hard to antagonize everyone anymore...

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:33 pm
by Dawnstorm
nemz wrote:Not sure what to think about this one. seems a bit short, and a good portion of what's here feels like recap though not exactly.
It's sort of incomplete. I don't think I've posted an incomplete episode before. The only reason there's a scene break is because of a point-of-view change. Part of it might be that. Won't be able to tell until next year.
Mirage_GSM wrote:Somehow this made me crave some chicken and egg...
Heh. Thanks for that link. I didn't know that.
But seriously, over the last two or three chapters I started to like this story more and more. Might be that she's not trying so hard to antagonize everyone anymore...
Thanks.

She can't antagonise everyone all the time. If she were like that, she'd probably have got herself kicked out of Yamaku by the time Hisao arrives.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 4:48 am
by Dawnstorm
Just a quck note to say I haven't forgotten or given up on this, but life's hectic both on the job front and on the private front. Don't expect an update until in about two weeks.

Also, I'm finding out the hard way that I'm not really a fanfic writer. My biggest problem is Hisao in scenes where a lot is going on at once. I have trouble relating to him, and thus to sort out what would be conscious thought, what would be background intuition and what would remain ignored. Also how to connect things back to his life (which is important). As a result, these scenes are the hardest to write, and (probably) the dullest to read.

I'm just coming from editing, but the thing's too lifeless and unfocussed. As you can probably guess, I've switched to Hisao's point of view, but the situation is too confusing for him to make for good narration. I'm now thinking that Atsuko's point of view would be better for a while, mostly because the mean-nice contrast as a motive would flow naturally from it, but I'm not sure I can pull it off. Anyway, I'll quit for now. Different priorities.

Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Posted: Mon Jul 02, 2012 4:55 am
by Dawnstorm
For story-post navigation please refer to the index post.

Being nice, being mean (concluded)

Earlier today Miyako has given him a look of utter displeasure. And, now, here she is again. But not her displeasure. She's calling out to him, smiling and waving and looking like an old friend happy to see him. Hisao has a slight moment of disorientation: he feels he should be surprised at that change in the mood, and finds he isn't. Miya's action do not need to make sense; she is a whimsical girl. Maybe she doesn't exist outside of her roles. Hisao is not in the mood to deal with her. Just as he is about to turn and walk away, he notices that she is... talking to someone else? To Miya's right there is a little girl of about four, five years. He hasn't noticed her because between Miya and the girl there is a substantial gap. Hisao could sit down between them, lean against the tree and fall asleep, and there would be still be enough elbow room on either side to not make anyone uncomfortable. The size of the gap suggests that the two of them, Miya and the girl, are not here together. Yet, Miya is clearly talking to the girl. The girl nods and smiles in response. The gap doesn't seem to be an obstacle.

Is there someone else? Someone this gap indicates? The girls mother, or big sister, off to fetch ice cream, or juice?

Hisao sighs, then approaches. “Hi, Miya,” he says. “I didn't think I'd run into you here.” He has tried to keep his voice neutral, but a hint of resignation slips in. Didn't think, didn't want, here we are. Life is like that.

Miya must have picked up on it, but it doesn't show. She grins widely. Her act is impeccable. “I didn't expect to see you here either. I came here for the peace and quiet.”

“I was just walking around,” Hisao says. “So that's where you end up when you walk away from the noise at festival day?” Karma, not just bad luck, Hisao thinks. There must be some statistical algorithm to help them avoid each other.

Miya winks at him. “Follow the silence, right? Well, more importantly -” She turns her head towards the girl, and smiles. “This is Atsuko.”

Atsuko? Hisao turns towards the girl and looks at her. The girl shrinks away from him, and Hisao realises that his confusion about the name must have shown on his face. For a second, Hisao is unsure what to do. The girl looks towards Miyako for reassurance, and Miyako smiles. The smile looks so genuine. Maybe it is. What does he know about her? Hisao contemplates smiling, but decides against it. He's not in the mood, and his attempts come out wrong. Hisao is no actor. “Hello, Atsuko,” he says. “I'm Hisao. Pleased to meet you.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she says. She is being polite. The only reason she is talking to him at all is that Miya is here to reassure her. The irony is not lost on him. In Yamaku, Miya's has the reputation of a monster while he himself is generally easy to talk to. Here the two of them are with a little girl, and Miya is protecting her from the scary stranger. Rumours and reputation.

“Atsuko,” Miya says, “has lost her mother. She's all alone. Sad isn't it?”

“Oh.” Hisao says. It is the sound of the realisation of how self-absorbed he is. Miyako is trying to help a lost child, as anybody would. This is most likely the situation. But faith in the reality of this situation doesn't come easy. That name, “Atsuko”...

“I'm sorry to hear this, Atsuko,” Hisao says.

Atsuko replies with a single nod. She still isn't sure what to make of him.

“Your name really is Atsuko, isn't it?” He really shouldn't have to ask this, but he needs to ground himself in the situation. With Miya, this is impossible.

“Yes,” Atsuko says.

“And you miss your mother a lot?”

“Yes.”

Coincidence and prejudice, huh? An unplanned smile appears on Hisao's face. It is mellow and gentle, bitter-sweet. He quickly glances at Miya. Miya is watching him with eyes half closed. He cannot make out her expression, but he gets a strangley re-assuring feeling from it. He feels humbled, not humiliated, and with Miya this feels like a small miracle. “Then,” he says to Atsuko, “I'll go look for your mother, and I won't give up until I find her.”

Atsuko looks at him, eyes big with surprise. “Really?”

“I promise.”

Miya beams at Atsuko. “See? I told you, he's nice. He'll help us, and we didn't even have to ask.”

“Yeah,” she says, and then turns to Hisao. “Thank you.”

“So, what does your mother look like, Atsuko?” Hisao asks.

But it is Miya, who replies. “I already asked. She's tall and pretty.”

Miya can't possibly think of that as a helpful description! But before Hisao can speak, Miya continues:

“And she's probably really upset for losing her little daughter.”

Ah. Of course. A woman looking for her child should not be that hard to spot. He nods. “Understood. I'm sure I'll find her.” He has half-turned away, when he hears Miya call his name. She is waving a cell phone at him. Hisao's hand goes into his own pocket. He feels the shape of his phone in his palm, but he hesitates. Miya, of course, catches his hesitation.

“I don't have your number,” she says. “That's fine with me. But if Atsuko's mum comes here first, I thought I'd give you a ring. You know, so you don't walk around forever.”

“Good thinking,” he says. “Thanks.” But as they exchange numbers, he is feeling strange. The first new number on his cell phone at Yamaku. A summary of the numbers stored on his cell: Family. A long list of past friends he couldn't bring himself to delete despite it all. Miyako. He nods, a tad too quickly, then hurries away. Behind him, Miyako and Atsuko are talking, but he doesn't listen. He catches a snippet, Atsuko's voice: “...scary. He looked really angry. But he wasn't...” And then he is out of ear shot.

As Hisao leaves the park, he finds that he doesn't really know the town. He chooses the direction which leads away from Yamaku, but he has no real plan, no strategy. He turns a corner at random. Hisao hates not having a plan, but he continues walking, taking turns at random. Eventually, it is Atsuko's mother who finds him.

“Excuse me,” says a worried-looking woman. “Did you perhaps come from the park?”

“The park? Yes, that's where I came from.”

“Is there... I mean, a kind man has told me that there's a girl around there who... she's lost, and I'm her mother, and... Is she still... there?”

“You are Atsuko's mother?” Hisao asks.

“Yes,” she says, and Hisao can hear the relief in her voice. “Yes, I am. You know her name? Is she all right?”

Hisao nods. “A friend is taking care of her. If Atsuko runs off, she's going to follow her, and I'm sure she'll call me.” Hisao displays his cell phone. “But I don't think that'll happen. When I left them, they were sitting under a tree.”

“Really? Oh, thank you, thank you.” She is bowing repeatedly. “Sorry for causing you so much trouble. Thank you so much.”

“It's no trouble at all. Neither of us has anything better to do.” This has come out on a whim. So there is an “us” now? Well, what will be will be. “Shall we go?” he says to Atsuko's mother, to keep his mind from brooding thoughts.

“If you don't mind,” Atsuko's mother says, so off they go. There is an awkward silence between them, but Hisao can think of nothing to say. This is a problem Miya would, in all likelihood, not have. Maybe she should have gone looking for the mother? But then he'd have been left alone with Atsuko. He certainly wouldn't have done better with the daughter.

Finally, Atsuko's mother breaks the silence: “Are you going to school, here?”

“Yes,” he says. “I've just transferred in, so I don't know my way around here, yet.”

“I see,” she says. “We're not from here, ourselves. Atsuko and I are visiting her grandparents. We'll be going to the festival later. You're not going?”

“Maybe later,” Hisao lies.

“It's always so lively,” she says. “Everyone does their best.”

Everyone does their best. Hisao feels the sting of those words. Would she have said that if it wasn't the students of Yamaku who organised the festival? He is now part of a group of people who “do their best”. “They've all been very busy this last week,” he replies. They, he says, not we. “I've only transferred in, as I said, so I've had nothing to do really. Help a little here, a little there. Not much.”

“Oh. Maybe next year, then.”

“Maybe.” He would have to do exceedingly badly at the exams for there to be a 'next year'. This conversation is uncomfortable. He is reminded of all the things he doesn't want to think about. He doesn't even have a full year at Yamaku. It feels like a piece of his development has been cut out and filled in with a random episode, only to have his future dropped on top of him, unawares. He doesn't want to think of his future.

The awkward silence is back, with a vengeance. This time, it continues until they reach the park. Finally, they turn the corner and enter through the iron gate. Atsuko spots them right away. She jumps up and runs, runs, runs. Her mother kneels down and opens her arms, and there they are, together again.

It's a touching scene, and Hisao does smile, but he's not quite in the moment. He looks back at Miya. Miya is standing, now, and watching them. The look on her face is strange. Hisao walks over to her, and she looks at him with that strange expression unchanging.

“They'll want to say their thanks,” Hisao says.

Miya closes her eyes and tilts her backwards, against the tree. “I'm afraid so.”

Already mother and child are approaching. Miya opens her eyes in time.

The mother bows. “Thank you for taking care of Atsuko. You don't know how grateful I am.”

“Well, I can sort of tell...” Miya replies. There's an edge to her voice, but she catches herself. “Atsuko's a good girl. I'm glad I could help.” She probably means it, too.

“I hope she didn't bother you.”

A wicked grin appears on Miya's face. “Well, she told me that my hair looks strange.”

“Atsuko!”

The little girl looks at her mother. “But it's true!”

“Yes, it is,” agrees Miya.

“Even if it's true, you don't have to say something like that. Oh! I'm sorry. I...”

But Miya just laughs. “It's okay. You don't have to scold her on my account. I used to wear my hair long, and one day they just annoyed me, so I just cut them off. Myself. I'm not good at it. I'll go to the hairdresser's sometimes soon. I'm sure Atsuko won't cut her own hair after seeing the result, so there's a valuable lesson in that.”

Atsuko solemnly shakes her head. “I don't want to look weird.”

“Atsuko!!!”

But Atsuko's mind is on something else entirely. “Ah, mummy, is Miya still a stranger?”

The mother looks at her for a while. “No, it's okay. From now on you can talk to her.”

“Can I hug her?”

“What?” Silent and under her breath, barely audible. Hisao would have missed it, had he not watched Miya closely. She is still keeping that friendly look, but something in her eyes is off. She is wavering, struggling. As the little girl rushes to hug Miya's legs – she's too small to hug anything else – Hisao notices Miya's body stiffening. Eventually, Atsuko's mother notices the discomfort. A look of concern creeps into her face. She looks towards Hisao, but Hisao doesn't know what to say or do. He shakes his head slightly.

“Atsuko,” she calls. “We have to go.”

“Okay.” She disengages from Miya, and runs to her mother. “Bye,” she calls. The mother bows once again. “Thank you again. I won't forget your kindness.” Then she bows to Hisao, too. “It's good to know people still take care of each other.” Then they walk away. Atsuko turns and waves at least two times before they leave the park. Miyako stands statue like for some time after that. Then:

“They're gone.” Her voice is flat, exhausted.

“Yes, they are.”

And then Miyako just collapses. Her knees give in and she just falls forward. For a while it looks as if she means to crawl on all fours, but then she sits back, on her legs, knees forward. “You have no idea how hard it was to constrain myself. You don't grab me like that. Ever.”

Hisao drops down beside her, then leans against the tree. He is slightly behind Miya now. He is not in her field of vision, but she doesn't seem to mind. “It was a hug,” he says. “Hugs are supposed to feel good, you know. You're supposed to enjoy them.”

“It's... hard to remember.” She drops sideways, stretches her legs, and then lies on her back on the grass. “Thank you,” she says. “I thought you might just walk away. But I'm glad you helped.”

“I didn't do much,” Hisao says. “She was already on her way to the park. Someone seems to have told her about Atsuko.”

“Well, people are generally nice. Especially, to children.” She sighs.

“You were pretty nice today, too,” Hisao says. “I had no idea you could be like that, too. You restrained yourself didn't you?”

But Miya doesn't reply. Instead she says: “I wish you hadn't seen me like this.”

“Why? You have good side, too. What's so bad about people knowing that?”

“Good side, huh?” She blinks. “Well,” she says, as she pulls herself up against the tree. They are sitting side by side now. “I'm not in the mood to hide things, so I think I'm going to show you something.”

“Show me... something? Hey, what are you doing?”

Miya is starting to lift her T-Shirt. She chuckles. “You're such an easy target. Don't worry, I won't go too far.”

She says that, but the underside of her breasts are already visible. Hisao's impulse is to look away, but something else catches his attention: a scar, much like his own. “You have a heart condition, too?” he blurts out.

“Nothing's wrong with my heart,” Miya says. “Or so the doctors all agree.”

“But the scar...”

“I'm going to die one day. My heart's rate will accelerate too much.”

“But you said that nothing is wrong with your heart.”

“There isn't. There's something else wrong with me, and nobody knows quite what it is. My own take on it, what various doctors have said, is that I'll die from overexcitement.”

Hisao shakes his head. “But the scar...”

“You've got a heart condition, don't you? Do you have a pacemaker? Drugs? A combination of both?”

“Drugs,” Hisao says.

“Well, none of that seems to work with my condition. Some drugs might sometimes work; I sort of tuned out when the doctor's were giving me the med speak, and anyway, they didn't always agree with each other.”

“I... don't understand.”

“Nobody does. Not really.” She chuckles. “A couple of years ago, or so, I started suffering from sleep paralysis. You wake up in the middle of the night, and you can't move. There's this pressure on your chest, and you think someone's gloating at your condition. But you're alone. With yourself. Well, then you're probably gloating at yourself. But the feeling is awful. All you can move is fingers, toes. You may be able to blink. And then it goes away, and you're awake.” She takes a deep breath. “I tried to keep it a secret from my mum, but she found out. I ended up in a sleep lab, where they monitored my condition. Turns out my heart accelerates quite a bit, when I'm in these situations. If this goes on for too long, I die. The only thing that reliably helps is an internal defibrillator.”

“The scar,” Hisao interrupts. “So you have defibrillator in there?”

She gives him a bitter laugh. “Oh, they gave me one, all right. But that stupid thing kept firing for no reason at all. While I was awake. Three problems: This is uncomfortable. It drains the battery, so the thing is useless when I do need it. And finally it could cause the condition it's supposed to prevent. Something in me just triggers that damn thing for fun. So they took it out again. There's nothing anyone can do. I suffer from sleep paralysis, and I'm threatened by Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome. Gotta love the name. I'm basically worrying about something I'm not supposed to expect.”

“So when we first met...”

Miya smiles a wicked smile. “If all you ever do is worry about dying, why don't you just get it over with? Well, why?”

“I just... don't want to die. Is that so hard to understand?”

Miya ignores the question. “I don't particularly care if I live or die. If anything, I've been living too long. It's not that I want to die, mind you. It's just that... Well, I know I won't kill myself, so it's pointless to think about what I actually want. I can't do this to my mum. That's all there is to it.”

“A mother and her daughter, huh?”

She grins. “You've found my weak point. I'll have to be more careful in the future.”

“Who's Atsuko?”

Miya sighs. “I wondered when you'd ask. 'Atsuko' is me. 'Miyako' is the name my mum gave me. But 'Atsuko' is a name I chose for myself. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I needed a new name, or like I was unsatisfied with the name my mum gave me. I could explain, but... there are things I don't want to think of right now. Okay?”

“Okay.” If he got an explanation, would he even understand it? Hisao thinks of his own situation. Uprooted, he comes to Yamaku. Immediately, he meets friendly people. Shizune and Misha. Lilly and Hanako. Emi and Rin. But he holds back. He goes with the flow, but when it comes to making an effort he pulls back. And here? There is a connection between him and Miya, some sort of pull. As if it is fate. But Hisao doesn't believe in fate. They're connection is based on something else, an intangible situation. Why is Miya being mean to others? Why doesn't he get closer to those who are kind to him? It's that boundary – death. It's why all those contacts on his cell phone are defunct. It's why he hesitates to make new friends. He will, eventually, burden them with loss. Miya? For all their differences, she faces a similar situation. If they get together, it would feel like a game of “Who dies first?” Hisao cannot gauge her situation, though. Does she have the advantage? Does he? The thought feels grim. As if it's a suicide pact.

“Miyako?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you mean to people to drive them away?”

“Huh. The questions you ask. Yes and no. Not sure. You think I got mean as a result of my condition, but that's not true. It's just too much of a bother to change, if I might not even live to see success.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's just...”

“Your own situation, huh? Well, I'm not in the mood to pry, either.”

“It's okay. I don't know... what to do. But I have to do something with the rest of my life.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“I'll die soon enough. Every plan I could be making takes time to execute. Time I don't have. And in any case I'm not much of a planner.”

“But you're not dead yet. What will we do until then? Be mean to people and stay alone?” After graduation, rely on your mother for subsidy? But Hisao doesn't dare say that. Miyako's eyes narrow, as if she senses the question. Hisao braces himself, but Miya doesn't get angry.

“I'll be dead soon enough,” she says. “Meanwhile I wait.”

“Wait for death? What kind of life is that?”

Miya surprises him by laughing. “You misunderstand. I'm not waiting for death.”

“No? It sounded like you did.”

“I'm not waiting for anything in particular. I'm just waiting. It's okay if you don't understand, but please, please...” She stops.

“Yes?”

“Shut up. I don't want to talk any more, so please shut up.”

He looks for signs of anger but finds none. Miyako is looking at him, her head slightly tilted to the side. All her attention is on him, and there is a hint of smile on her face, but the smile itself is not quite there. You understand, right? This is what her expression seems to communicate. Well, it's the best interpretation he can come up with. He doesn't really understand, but that's fine for now. He has a lot to think about, and being silent while doing that is probably a good idea. Hisao nods, then closes his eyes and leans against the tree. Beside him he hears some shuffling and scraping: Miya arranging herself for comfort. It's time for a round or two of silence.

***

[I notice a lot of my recent scenes end with people leaning back against something, relaxing. It's becoming a serial joke. I'll leave it at that right now, but that's really something I should take care of. I wonder if part of it is my reaction to the setting as presented in the VN? I don't usually do this.]