Hanako's Honeymoon (erotic) (part 12+epilogue. Finished)

[griffon8]

Good job showing the descent into inebriation.

BTW, it's spelled 'Champagne'. The real stuff is always capitalized. 'Champaign' is a level, open field or plain, with the obsolete meaning of battlefield. TMYK

Coincidentally, Urban Dictionary's definition of the day is classy smashed.

[Beoran]

Part 9 -- Strength

I can hear something beep. My eye are closed. My head feels like it's made of wood. I feel like I spin a bit and I fall asleep again. Then I feel someone kissing my lips.
"Hanako, please wake up. We have to go to Versailles today." Hisao says.
I open my eyes slowly. What did we do last night? I just remember drinking a lot of Champagne. And my head hurts badly whenever I try to think. I see Hisao is sitting next to me on the bed. His face looks like he's just as hung over as me. The light of dawn makes me squint.

"V-Versailles... ah..." I say as I sit up and shake my head. "Let's take a shower again, then?" Hisao helps me get out of bed. Today too, we have to hurry a bit, because we have prepaid tickets again. So the shower is just like it was yesterday. Quick and with no time to play. Even though we're both a more than bit worse off from drinking so much yesterday night, I don't want to miss our only chance to visit the castle of the former kings of France. So it's good that Hisao had the presence of mind to set his alarm after I fell asleep.

We get dressed, I put on my make-up. Then we go down for a quick breakfast, and head out to the metro. A few rides and changes of trains, were we just sit slumped onto each other's shoulder, we arrive in Versailles. Already, the crowds are lining up in front of the castle. Luckily for us, since we have a prepaid ticket, we can go in a separate, shorter queue. I take a few pictures of the lovely decorated palace before joining in. Clouds start to pack above, and we still have to wait for about fifteen minutes before we can go in, but we manage to stay dry.

"Phew, I though we'd never make it." I say. "My head still hurts from yesterday." I say
"Yeah, It's the same for me." He says.
We get some folders in Japanese and start our tour of the inside of the castle. There are many people milling around, so our progress is arduously slow. I marvel at the paintings on the ceiling, the golden decorations, and the old furniture.
"What a huge bed that is." Hisao says.
"I bet the king had lots of sex in there." I wink.
"Well, actually, this was just a show bed it seems." Hisao reads from the folder. "But the kings often did have a wife and a mistress too."
"Hisao, you are my king, but I don't want to share you with anyone!" I say. "And I'd only want to have a boyfriend if there were two of you." I joke.
"Well, then I'll make you both my queen and my mistress." he smiles, and I giggle and elbow his side.

We move on and find ourselves into a long gallery that has many mirrors on the side.
"Isn't this lovely!" I say.
"You want a boyfriend now?" Hisao says as he points at his reflection in the mirror.
"No, because that one already has a wife." I say, and I kiss Hisao quickly with a small lick to his teeth. I see myself kiss Hisao in the mirror and I feel that it's exciting to see me and Hisao like this.
"I'd love to have such a big mirror at home." I say.
"Well if it doesn't have to cover the whole hallway, that can be arranged." Hisao says.
"I was thinking more of the bedroom." I say.
"Ah, I see!" he says with a pensive nod.
We walk further at a snail's pace from crowded room to crowded room. Finally we finish our tour of the castle. I have to go to the bathroom, and Hisao goes to. When I come out he's waiting patiently near the exit of the lady's room. When we come out, a rain pours down on us. I'd rather not get a cold so it looks like we have to cancel out visit to the gardens.

Today, I don't wear my hat. As of lately, I feel confident enough to defy the stares of strangers. But now we need something against the rain. I rummage in my purse to look for my compact foldable umbrella. Where is it? My purse is is rather full. Since we got married, I keep a week's supply of Hisao's medication in there, each dose of seventeen pills neatly packaged in a small plastic container. I see, the umbrella is the other compartment. I take it out and push the button. A rather small umbrella unfolds.

"Let's go back near the station and look for a place for lunch." I say, and I hug Hisao's side closely, my right side under his arm.
"Good idea. Allow me." he says, and takes the umbrella from my hand. I wrap my right arm around him, and his left arm embraces me. We walk together. He holds the umbrella up above us and takes care my head doesn't get wet. Some cold drops drops fall on my left hand, but my right side feels warm and comfortable. The the smell of rain and that of Hisao makes me shiver with excitement.
"Hisao... after we eat, let's go back and make love?" I plead. "No Champaigne, just you and me."
"My beloved wife" he says with a wide smile. "I'd love to." In response, I only rub his shoulder with the side of my head.

We arrive near the station. On our right side is another McDonalds. I look at him, he looks at me, I start to giggle and he laughs.
"Do you think what I think?" he says.
"Yes I do!" I say. So, he holds up the umbrella and hands it to me. Then we step inside, I order for the both of us, and we go sit down at a small table in the corner.
"You know, some people would say that doing the same things every day is monotonous and boring." Hisao says.
"Only if you don't like what you are doing. But if every day we can do the things we love together with the person we love, then that is happiness." I say
"That must be I'm so happy to be with you." Hisao beams.
"Hey, you stole my line!" I giggle. "You know, this honeymoon isn't quite what I excpetced from it, but it keeps on getting better every day."
"Well, eat up then, I'll do my best to make this afternoon even better!" Hisao says.
He doesn't have to say that twice. I quickly snarf down the meal, and Hisao follows my cue and does the same. I may be exited, but I remember to take my pill. Hisao waits as he promised so he will be ready for me when we get back. When we get out the rain has almost stopped, so we don't need our umbrella. We go into the station. The whole ride back I sit next to Hisao, hug him and give him a deep kiss from time to time. I feel like I'm drunk, but this time with happiness and desire. We change trains, and after the last ride, we go out of the metro, and the hotel is just as short walk away.

When step into the elevator, we are joined by another couple who look like they have just arrived. The man is a rather tall with dark hair, blue eyes and a handsome face. The lady is a tall blonde in a rather revealing outfit. The lady takes out a cigarette box from her purse and hands it the man, who puts it in his breast pocket. I can see she has another package of a different brand in there too. They must both be smokers.

When we arrive at the top floor, they get out first and head for the suite across the hallway from ours. Maybe they're also on a honeymoon? I unlock or door, we go in, and take our shoes off. Before I can do or say anything, Hisao heads immediately to the bathroom.
"Sorry, I'll have to go sit down for a while." he says, as he goes in and closes the door. I step towards the table to sit down, but then I notice something purple on top of it. The vibrator. Did Hisao put it there? There is a card of the hotel with something written in French and English under it. I take it and read it.

<We have sanitized this item for you. With compliments from the cleaning staff.>
No! No! No! I slap my hand in my face... I feel myself shrink six centimeters out of shame. Did I take this out yesterday? I didn't think about it this morning, since I was hung over and in a hurry, and Hisao probably also forgot for the same reasons. The cleaners must have found it and picked it off the floor. But why did they sanitize it?

I think deeply and then suddenly I remember I did with last night with the oblong tool... I slap my face again, three times even. I hurt Hisao with it in such an embarrassing way. Does he remember? I hope he will not be angry at me... And what to do with this thing? The staff now knows I have a vibrator, so I'd rather not use it again. At least not while we are here. So I take the purple rod and wrap it in it's box and paper bag again, then put it in our suitcase. Then I crumple the card in my hand dramatically and throw it away in the waste bin. A bit later, Hisao comes out of the bathroom.

"Say Hanako, do you know what happened to the vibrator? This morning I didn't remember well what had happened last night, so I didn't think of cleaning it up this morning. But when I was on the toilet I remembered it because... you know... I 'm still a bit sore there..." he says with a pained look on his face.
"I-It's in the suitcase." I say.
"Ah, you put it away? Thanks! It would have been so embarrassing if staff had found it."
"Eh, well... I put it away just now." I say and I my cheeks get flustered.
"Oh?" Hisao says, and he rubs the back of his head .
"I'm sorry, I should have put it away this morning. But more importantly, I'm really sorry for what I did with it last night..." I say as I bow deeply. "Hisao, I hurt you and I shouldn't have. I have thought about the error of my ways. Please forgive me."
"Of course I will forgive you, Hanako, we were both very drunk, right? I guess we underestimated the Champagne a bit. The carbonation causes the alcohol to enter the blood much more rapidly." he lectures me like I am one of his students.
"Will you forgive me so easily? That was very inconsiderate of me." I retort.
"Well, I did say I was OK, I though I could do it to you. So in a way, I was also inconsiderate then. And I have to admit something... it was kind of ... interesting ..." Hisao says with a grin, "... but let's not do that again, OK?" he says.
"It's a promise!" I say relieved.
"From now on, leave the penetrating up to me." he says with a wicked smile.
"Is that an invitation?" I ask, and I feel I'm getting excited again.
"It is, if you want it to be." Hisao says "I feel my pants are getting pretty tight".


"Finally!" I say as I walk over to him and embrace him. "Hisao, you truly are my husband, who I love more than anyone else. Please make love to..." I am cut off by the shrieking of a loud siren. "Me?" I say.
"That's the fire alarm!" Hisao realises. " We have to get out of here quickly!"
"F-Fire?" I shake.
"Hisao takes my hand. It will be OK, but we have to hurry. Hang in there!"
"Y-yes." I say but I'm shaking.
I manage grab my purse and the room keys, and quickly step into my boots, while Hisao puts on his shoes. Hisao takes my hand, and we dash out of the room.
"Not the elevator, come!" He says as pulls on my arm.

I stop. I can't move. I want to move but I just can't. My arms and legs are frozen in place, shivering.
"F-Fire... f-fire... f-fire" I whisper as I am struck by terror. My sight goes black, and then I see I see nothing but flames in front of me. I can smell burning flesh in my nostrils... I hear nothing, but I can feel someone pick me up. Someone carries me in his arms. I feel motion, and then I shake as someone carries me down somewhere. I try to look around, but I don't see anything else but that terrible memory, flames everywhere I look. I still can't move... Fire... No! No! I don't want to...! Someone still carries me. I hear him breathe loudly and rapidly and I can feel his heart beat like a drum against my side...
"Hisao..." I whisper. I realize Hisao is carrying me. The visions of flames ebb away and I can see Hisao's face. It's Hisao! Hisao carries me down the stairs! But his heart! He shouldn't do this!

Finally we reach the bottom floor. Hisao pushes the door open with his back, and carries me out of the building. He puts me down, goes to sit next to me, and grabs his chest. He looks like he's in pain. "Hisao!" I shake my head, and I feel I can move again. I have to do something now! I quickly open my purse, take out a dose of Hisao's pills out of a box, and shove them in his mouth. He swallows them and seems to calm down a bit. "You need a doctor? A hospital?" I ask.
"No... I'm fine now..." he gasps "...Thanks for the help."
"No, thank you..." I say. I grab him very tightly and I kiss him.

I look around where we are, and I see this is a patio behind the hotel. The patio is already filled with other guests. Now the couple from before walk out of the emergency exit. They seem to be arguing about something. But why are they both smoking? They walk over to one of the staff, and start another angry argument with the man. Finally the staff member seems to admit defeat. Another member of the staff comes to check on us, and checks if we're OK. I can move perfectly and Hisao's heart has calmed down, so we stand up to show that we're OK. A few firemen walk in and talk to the staff, but leave again pretty soon.

Finally after some chaotic minutes, a person who looks like he director of the hotel takes a megaphone. First he says something in French which I don't understand. Some of the guests react with relief and start to walk back into the hotel. Then he repeats in English
<Due to a mistake on our side, some of our smoking guests have been lodged in a nonsmoking room. As a result, the fire alarm was triggered. We can now confirm that there is no fire, and that this was a false alarm.> A false alarm? I sigh a deep breath of relief.
<We are deeply sorry and we apologize for this. To compensate for the discomfort caused, dinner tonight is complimentary for all our guests. You may now return to your rooms.>

A false alarm. No fire... I cannot say how relieved I am. Hisao and I are OK... We're safe... Suddenly it dawns on me. I think of what could have happened... Hisao could have had a heart attack... And if there really had been a fire... The ideas of possible disasters spin though my head. It all becomes too much for me. I throw myself around Hisao's shoulders. I start to cry loudly...
"Are we OK?" I snivel "Are we safe?"...
"Yes, It's OK now." he says, and he just holds me while I weep.
"Maybe we should just go back and rest a bit?" he says.
I nod, but I keep on crying. Hisao puts my arm in his and gently takes me back to our room. He helps me take off my boots, and then takes me to the bed. I lie down, and he covers me with a sheet.
"Hisao... just hold me..." I whisper. Quietly he lies down next to me and embraces me. I'm still weeping but my eyes have run dry. Today... It was not a good day. But we helped each other. We were together.
"Hisao, you really became stronger..." I whisper to him between my sobbing.
"So did you." he replies.
It's true. I don't want to loose my husband, not if I can help it. And I was able to snap out of my panic attack in time to help him. Today, I'm just happy that Hisao and I are still alive. I may be crying and exhausted right now, but tomorrow... Tomorrow will certainly be better!

[shiro_midori]

The recent chapter was quite good. I liked how you interrupted the erotic scene, which shows that it's not just a purely erotic story. It was good to see how a situation like a fire could affect Hanako. Well done.

[Beoran]

Part 10 -- Light

I slowly wake up. The brilliant light of the morning sun beams in though the window. I look at the clock. I have slept over sixteen hours. I last afternoon and night, Hisao was holding me gently all the time as I cried silently. After that, I must have fallen asleep. I must really have been mentally exhausted. I sit up, and see Hisao at the table. He must have been waiting for me, because he is reading the guide book. On the table, he has set out two plates with breakfast, two cups and two glasses with orange juice. He notices that I've awoken.
"Good morning! How are you feeling today?" he asks with gentle smile. I blink my eyes a few times, and rub them to to get rid of the last remains of sleepiness. I look at Hisao. And I feel so happy to see his face beam in the rays that pour down.

"I'm so happy to see you... I feel... better now." I say. "And hungry!"
"I though so. I had them bring up a big breakfast for us. We even got it for free as an apology for yesterday." he says.
"Well, if it wasn't out of pity for me... then that's kind of them..." I say. I'm still a bit suspicious about other people's kindness towards me. I know most people mean well, but I don't like to be seen as an object of pity. I'm really hungry though, so I get up. My clothes are all rumpled up from yesterday's events and from sleeping so long. I join Hisao at the table.

"I humbly partake." I say and dig right into the bacon and mushroom fried eggs. It's tasty. Hisao, probably also starved from waiting for me so long, takes a huge bite out of his toast. It feels good to enjoy a meal together. It just feels good to be alive. It's not long before I've snarfed down everything. "I feel really smelly now, I want to take a shower and a hot bath to relax." I say. "Please join me, Hisao." I say.

He nods, we stand up and walk into the bathroom. Next to the large walk-in shower, there is a bath, big enough for two people to sit in. We didn't use it yet since we hadn't had the time. But we didn't make any plans for today, so today I'll be able to relax in it. Hisao turns on the water to fill the bath. I take off my clothes and step under the shower. Hisao leaves the bath running, takes of his clothes, and joins me under the shower. He makes a small towel wet and rubs it with the soap until it's covered in foam. Then, gently he massages my neck, my back, my butt, and my legs. I turn around, and put his hand with the soapy towel on my breast. He rubs my breast, my stomach, and the front of my legs but in such a way that it feels more caring than exciting. When he stands up again, I move in to kiss him passionately, but after a few moments he breaks away.

"The bath is ready." he says. I let the shower wash away the suds, and I step out from the shower and in to the bath. Hisao quickly showers so he's clean for the bath, and then slips in the bath behind me, like a cushion for my back. His legs are left and right of me. I let my body rest against his chest and my head against his chin. I enjoy the hot water around me. Hisao rolls his thumbs over my neck and massages my muscles to make me even more relaxed. I start to get a bit impatient, and I slide my hand behind my back, towards Hisao's... but he takes my hand in his, lifts it up over my head and kisses it.

"Hanako, if you don't mind. There is something I'd like to talk about first." he says.
"Oh? what is is?" I ask.
"It will be a rather long conversation, and I'd like go out and show you a few places in Paris so I can explain my feelings better." he says.
"So are you up for it?" he asks
"OK, Hisao. It's only fair that you get to choose where we go at least once." I say.
I've already waited five months, and I know that he wants to have sex with me when the time is right. And there are a few places we haven't seen yet, so why not?
"So you want to guide me one time? I'm sure I'll enjoy it!" I say.
"Good, then please just relax for a bit longer, and then we can go." he says, and he massages my neck for a few minutes. It makes me feel wonderful and my head seems to clear out. My body feels as relaxed as jelly or as pudding, or as jelly pudding.
"Well, are you ready to go?" he asks, and I nod. He steps out of the tub, and gallantly helps me get out as well. He dries my body with a towel, and I dry his. We get dressed, I put on my make-up as Hisao rereads the guide book to make sure he has his bearings, and we head out.

This time Hisao leads me though the Metro and when we head up again, I look around and see The Eiffel Tower is nearby!
"I thought you wanted to see the big penis of Paris." Hisao jokes.
"Well, If we went to Paris and we didn't make any pictures of the Eiffel tower, everyone in Japan would wonder what we'd been doing on our trip." I smile. Hand in hand we walk closer to the magnificent structure. I stop to take some pictures. Hisao enters the image, and then he takes some pictures of me. Finally I ask a passerby to take a picture of the both of us.
"Isn't it impressive, how they built this more than one hundred years ago?" I say.
"Yes it is," Hisao says "But there is a dark side to the Eiffel tower. That was one of the things I wanted to talk about with you."

"Oh, what is that then?" I ask him, surprised he brings up this topic now.
"Every year, tree or four people jump down from there." he says. It strikes me... that's what he was worried about... yesterday...
"Yesterday, when you cried so long, I wondered what you were so afraid of." he says.
"After I carried you down the stairs, you seemed fine. So I though that you are not so afraid anymore of fire." he says I lower my face.
"I... I-its true. " I say. "At first I p-panicked and got s-stuck when I though about f-fire. But I f-felt you n-needed me... so I could snap out of it." My eyes are getting wet. Hisao puts his hands on my shoulders. "But t-then, when I heard it was a f-false alarm, I though about what could have h-happened to you... And I c-couldn't bear the t-thought. I-I don't want to loose you Hisao. I know I mean so m-much to you, and that is why you m-mean so much to me. So I c-cannot lose you! And thats is w-why... I couldn't stop crying... " I say as drops run down my cheeks. Hisao takes out his hankerchief and wipes my tears.

"I thought so... I also love you very much, and I don't want to loose you either. " he says. "But you and I know the facts well enough. You are a healthy lady, so you will likely live much longer than me. I cannot promise the impossible. One day, I will have to leave you. When that day comes, what will you do?" Hisao also now looks down. "If I had... passed away yesterday... what would you have done?" I wrap my arms around him and he embraces me in response. I feel like a strange calm come over me. I whisper in his ear.
"I am so sorry.... I though... If I lost you... I would die." I admit. "You and I think very much alike. The fact that you took me here shows that you understand my thoughts well. When I lost my parents, I fought everyday to stay alive. But yesterday I thought that if you'd died... I should die too. I should come here to jump down and end it." I confess.
"I thought so..." Hisao says, and now he cries in his turn. The bright light of the sun shines down upon me, and as the warm wind whispers around me. I see Hisao's tears glisten on his sad face. I take the handkerchief from his hand, I wipe them away, and suddenly my head feels completely clear and lucid.

"But not today! Not anymore! Never again I will think like that! " I burst out.
"If you die forty years later, or twenty years later, or even today, I will live! Because now I know that I live for you! While you are alive, I will live for you, and even after that I will live for you! Because that is the meaning of my life. So I will live! I promise, I swear! I will live!" I say. Hisao looks me in the eye and then hugs me even tighter.
"I am so happy to hear that! Please, live, Hanako, no matter what happens!" he says as his face clears up. "I will also live for you, as long as I can."
"It's a promise!" I say as I beam a smile.
"A promise!" he says relieved. I step back, and we hook our pinkie fingers into each other's.

"But, there is one more place I want to show to you." he says.
"I don't know where it is, but I have a feeling I know what you want to tell me once we get there." I say.
"I see, but let's talk when we get there, OK?" Hisao says. He takes me by the arm again, and leads me back to the Metro. A train later, we go up and find ourselves near a big square. We walk on a bit and I see...
"Ah, The Notre Dame church! that's where we are going, right?" I say.
"Not quite, but you please take a few pictures." Hisao says.

So we take turns taking pictures. Hisao takes my hand again, and leads me on. We walk from the square, around the back side of the Notre Dame, and find a little green field there. The fence is open, and Hisao leads me though it, and then down a stair at the side of the green. This is the point of the island. At the side of the river, I see what looks like huge iron thorns on the wall. They point towards a cramped opening in the opposing concrete wall.

Though this gate, we head into the building that is lit inside by dim electric light. First there is a round room, with writings on the floors and walls. Then, in front of us, is an immensely deep hallway with in it, on the walls, uncountable glistening crystals.
"Those crystals are lovely." I say, "But what is this place? I must have overlooked it in the guide."
"This is the memorial for the martyrs of the deportation. There was only half a page about it in the book. During the second world war, two hundred thousand innocent people were taken away to Germany. None of them came back. They died there." Hisao says.
"But, that is awful! War is so awful!" I say. "So many... all died?"
"Everybody dies... but these people were taken away from their normal life and for what? Did they even have a chance to be happy?" Hisao says.
"Happiness..." I say "I knew you wanted to talk about that." I say.
"Yes, ... because even if you are determined live... even when I am gone, how will you live? Will it be again like it was ten year ago?" Hisao says with concern on his face. I take Hisao's hand and hold it up.

"I understand what you mean. When I lost my parents,... it was a long time before I could truly be happy again." I look to the hundred thousands of crystals, gently sparkling in the distant hallway. Somehow, I feel like they are encouraging me, and I realize what I must do. I face Hisao again. "If you are gone, then first, I will cry... but then after a few days, I will remember all the moments we had together. All the happiness. Even if it's only these few days of our honeymoon, we have had enough happy moments to last me a lifetime. I will remember them all my life and seal them in my heart. I will let these memories shine in me like these crystals, like the stars, like the sun." I say.
"But such a life is also sad. It's merely living in the past." Hisao objects.
"Those memories will only be the beginning. I will not only remember. Once I have thought about and remembered every happy moment we had, then I will make these memories my strength. I will live, and make new happy memories. Even if you are not there to share with me, I will live for you, in your place, and find all the happiness I can, everywhere, anywhere, in any thing I do." I say, and a great deep feeling of gratitude rises in my heart. "I will live happily! I promise I will live happily!" Tears run down Hisao's face again but he is smiling and he embraces me.

"Thank you Hanako! That's what I had hoped you would tell me!" he says. We stand there, hugging each other for minutes. Then I remember where I am and I break the embrace.
"Hisao, let's thank all these people too." I face the crystals, fold my hands in front of my face, clap three times, and bow. May they rest in peace, I pray silently. I raise my head and I see that Hisao also followed after me and is praying. When he is finished, we turn around towards the exit, where the bright sunlight is peeking in. Arm in arm we walk towards the exit.
"Hisao, I don't know when the day come that we will have to say goodbye. But until that day, let's make every day as happy as it can be." I say. Hisao nods.
"Hanako, it finally looks like you are ready." he says.

"Ready? how so?" I ask.
"Finally, you are ready to truly enjoy life, to truly enjoy love, and to truly enjoy sex as well." he says. It dawn upon me as we step out into the daylight.
"I still feel like I want to have sex with you as much as possible" I say, "But you are right. Before... I was merely following my desire... it feels like now, somehow, my heart has been opened. I feel light as a bird on the breeze..." I says and as we walk up the stairs and out of the memorial monument.
"Well, let's go back together then, to our love nest." he says with a mischievous grin.
"Don't get all corny on me!" I chide him, and we burst out in laughter.
"Today has been a wonderful day!" I say.
"I'm sure it will get even better!" Hisao says.
We walk around the church, towards the Metro. I can see clearly now, Hisao is happy. And I feel happy too. Just happy.

[Oddball]

That was far more emotional and touching than I expected from this story. I assume this is the ending, right? Seems like a good place to end the story at least.

[Brogurt]

They haven't actually had vaginal sex yet, so I don't think that this is going to be over so soon

[Beoran]

Oddball, to quote Rabelias: A vaincre sans péril on triomphe sans gloire (To win without danger is to triumph without glory.)

Well Brogurt, let's just say their honeymoon isn't over yet.

[Elcor]

First just want to say you had me at "“Please fuck me!” I wasn't expecting it and I lost it I could not stop laughing.
The story is really sweet and all the "erotic" parts are done in a tasteful way. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of you're story.

[BlackRockHanako]

all the "erotic" parts are done in a tasteful way.

Made me laugh, 10/10

[Daitengu]

Chapter 10 seemed to resolve emotional issues inhumanly quickly. Those kind of issues can be worked over half a novel. I suppose I have to live with it though, since these fanfics are short stories.

[nemz]

Yeah, it did come across as completely unrealistic because of the speed of these emotional breakthroughs, the stilted dialog, and above all the fact that Hisao is just way too dense to figure all this out on his own.

[Beoran]

Well, point taken, the resolution in part 10 is a bit fast. Although I thought Hisao would have gotten a bit smarter by now, since he realized that he too will have to open up a bit more. As Daitengu said, I'd have to spread it out over another 10 chapters to make it realistic, and that would sort of miss the whole point of this story. I'll use the fact that problem resolution is very fast as well in romantic (and erotic) comedy as an excuse. Any suggestions on how to make the dialogs better would be nice, though.

Edit: If that would make the story better, when I get to the final rewrite, I can tone down part 10 a bit, make Hanako take the lead again, and let her say what is on her mind going back to her promise to be honest to Hisao. She wouln't be completely resolved, but still, take the first steps in her mind not to do anything drastical when Hisao meets his fate. The rest of the resolution can happen during their (rather) long and happy marriage. But going into detail of that would sort of spoil an epilogue which I had in mind, but of which I am unsure that I should write it. Since comedy is easier to pull of than drama.

[Daitengu]

I assume you don't want to write a novel, so I suggest the "hope and time" route instead of revolving issues immediately. More specifically when Hisao voices his concerns to Hanako, just have her understand, but have her make Hisao realize that it'll take time. You don't need resolution only understanding and willingness to improve at this point. You can even write it into your ending her determination to work on being stronger.

It's fine to end with everyone working towards a better future instead of resolving everything and ending with a "then they lived happily ever after".

[Beoran]

Good points, Daitengu! I think I'll make it go that way! Thanks for the suggestions!

Also, what I forgot to bring forward in part 10 is that in my view Hanako and Hisao aren't just starting to talk and think about Hisao's problem just now. They'are already together for 6 years, and I think they did talk about it quite a bit, and already started to work on the issue before. (They didn't talk about sex, but as I mentioned in part 6, they did talk about mostly anything and everything else). What happened in part 9 on Hanako's part was intended to be a bit of a setback caused by the stress of the situation, rather than a symptom of something that was completely unresolved. That setback made her doubt her capability to steel herself when Hisao will meet his fate, and disorients her for a while, but not permanently so.

So once I know where I will have this story end, and where it will take me, and I still don't know that for sure yet, then I'll go through it all and rewrite all parts where it's needed to balance out all these issues and others.

[Roamin12]

I'm going to assume the story is over and give my thoughts on it:
-The dialogue does feel pretty unreal at times, and I never really thought of Hanako enjoying sexual jokes, but I guess things can change.
-I did like the more emotional twist that took place on the last two chapters, but it also did have its problems too. As others have said it feels as if their problem was resolved very quickly when with pretty much every human it would be a much longer journey to get that type of clarity on the issue.
-The "erotic" scenes are done well, not being too descriptive but share enough details that make it mildly funny and cute. (If sex can be cute.)
-This story was very funny.
All-in-all: It was a good story, but rewriting some parts would probably be a good idea to fix some smaller issues and maybe make the "meh" (In my opinion) ending a little bit better.