Mirrormn wrote:Well, I agree that Rin would be very unlikely to commit suicide within the period of time of the game itself. It would more likely be a few years in the future, after spending a considerable amount of time in art school.
Ah, I misunderstood. If we take the long view, I don't actually think that the bad or neutral ending make too much of a difference. (There is a difference, in that in the neutral ending [rain scene] she still learns that understanding is impossible, and has a chance to draw benefit from it, by not putting future acquaintances under such pressure - unconsciously.)
According to my thoroughly depressing imagination regarding the topic, she would have a very difficult time in art school. First of all, she would have to deal with pressure from her instructors to constantly develop and exhibit her artistic brilliance, which would require her to remain in her pre-exhibition level of focus and obsession. However, she would also have to deal with acute social isolation, since she would no longer have Emi or Hisao to depend on, and since her new school would not be specifically oriented towards disabled students, she would have
even more difficulty making friends and acquaintances. This is a big problem, because we know that Rin actually desires social acceptance and understanding, and she tries to achieve that through her painting. It's likely that her teachers and fellow students at art school would praise her artwork, but fail to understand it in the ways Rin wants, and that would become increasingly frustrating to her.
At some point, drugs would become involved. Maybe as a coping mechanism, maybe as a source of inspiration, maybe both. We know from Rin's codeine scene that she is very irresponsible with the dosing of medication, and we know from her scene smoking with Hisao that she embraces the concept of using drugs for inspiration. This all points straight towards Rin committing suicide by drug overdose. It wouldn't even have to be suicide explicitly; as you say, Rin is much more prone to a "passive retreat suicide" than a "decisive act suicide". I imagine her, at some low point of despair - perhaps out of desperation to create a piece of art that will finally connect with her viewers, perhaps out of regret for her loss of Hisao and her abandonment of Emi, perhaps out of pure curiosity for the experience itself - deciding to consume her entire stash of whatever drugs she has on hand. She would not be intentionally trying to end her life; she would know that she was putting it at risk, but would determine that that risk had to be taken, because existing in her current state was no longer bearable. Due to her social isolation, it would be unlikely for anyone to find her and get her medical attention until too late.
That was a thoroughly depressing bout of speculation
That's quite within character, and if you'd write that out, I'd buy it, but I'd consider that a worst-case scenario. People are people. Rin would definitely have troubles in art school (especially since she'll have to rely on grants). But it really depends on who she'll meet there. And while Rin
does hide away, she's not unapproachable.
She'll certainly have a hard time dealing with pressure. And there
will be pressure.
An interesting interpretation. But, I think it kind of ignores Rin's statement at the end Raison d'être ("I think I have to change") that specifically mirrors her statement at the end of The Scent of Light ("I am going to change"). And I don't think that change involves her embracing Rin(B) (the Rin who is obsessively focused on creating art) because when Hisao asks her in Proof of Existence "What about you? Did you become a true artist? Or did you not, because you ran away?" she just responds with a shrug and "I don't think it matters." It's more likely that she either changed back to a considerably more self-accepting version Rin(A), or a Rin(C) who converts her focus to her love for Hisao (note that the "I think I have to change" statement in Raison d'être is the last thing that occurs before Rin starts to actively pursue Hisao, first sexually in Without Breathing, Without a Sound and then emotionally in Proof of Existence).
I actually think none of this contradicts what I said, but it's hard to explain. Without going into too much confusing detail, I'd say that she's about to embrace a meta-Rin. That is neither Rin(A), nor Rin(B), but
Rin, who can either be expressed as Rin(A), Rin(B), Rin(C)... Rin
thinks about herself, I think, in terms of how others view her: so if Hisao stays through both Rin(A)
and Rin(B), then it's neither he wants to be with, but
Rin. There's someone who's her, but who's outside of her range of perception. But Hisao's continued presence indicates that she's there.
There are three senses of change involved.
One is gradual change. ("Even if I do nothing...") Just by living, you change. You grow older, etc.
The other sense is Rin(A) visualises a point B, and imagines a Rin(B) who can fulfill that task. This means the destruction of Rin(A), but an uncertainty about Rin(B), since to the extent that Rin(A) slips away, so does the plan behind the changing. What remains is a slope into madness. It's the tour-de-force change with the only anchor a future goal.
The third sense is a non-deadline, goal oriented shift, in which there is no destruction, but no constance either. It's a change-in-the-moment: Basically Rin(A) has the vision of a paradigm-shifted Rin who is not tied to any point (B). That she can envisage this at all is already a sort of change. I think the final "I have to change" is different from the others, because she can always "postpone" it when it gets too much (and that is its biggest danger, too: the eternal tomorrow).
Note that the earlier change-rational was: Nomiya and Hisao would like Rin(B); I'm not sure I can be Rin(B), but I'll try. After all, if I don't, they'll be angry at Rin(A) for not being Rin(B). Nomiya acted exactly like she thought, but Hisao didn't and
that must have got her re-thinking the very concept of change. Hisao hung out with Rin(A); Hisao encouraged her to become Rin(B); Rin failed at becoming Rin(B), but Hisao is still there, and he's not even really angry at her. But it's obvious that he's not quite happy with Rin(A) either. Confusing, no? The solution is that there is no Mystery Rin X to satisfy Hisao. Rin can only be Rin. But that doesn't mean that she needn't work out problem areas of Rin(A), and go on from there. But there aren't going to be any pressure points B, C, D... Just a free-flowing Rin who learns to address problems as they arise. But Rin isn't quite there yet: She has to shift paradigms. She has to become a Rin who can change when necessary, without destroying herself. She has to develop of sense for Meta Rin. And that's why I think the final "I need to change" is new; a synthesis of free-flowing change, and deadline-goal change. Unachnored, yet still goal driven. It's okay to be Rin. See? She doesn't need to embrace Rin(B); just the fact that Rin(B), too, is an avatar of Rin.
I really hope that's not
too confusing...