Talking Bird (Shizune semi-epilogue)
Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:56 am
Hi. Me again. This is the last of my already completed works that I'm going to post here for a while before posting something new. If you've already read this before on pastebin, then you could tell me what you thought about it if you want. Or you could do something else fun. Life is a box of chocolates, except not the coconut ones because nobody likes those.
Talking Bird
The class's palpable relief goes hand in hand with the bell ringing, the end of another torturous day. Graduation is looming on the horizon, and with each passing week, the time spent chained in our chairs seem more and more like a formality. Some of us are obviously happy about it, desperate to escape Yamaku and get on with their lives outside, in the “real” world. But as we all rise and begin collect our things, glancing at Misha reminds me that there are some who don't deal so well with being uprooted.
Everyone is making their way outside the classroom, even Mutou himself looks like he's waiting for his chance to bolt. But Misha stands there next to her desk, frozen to the spot, eyes closed and head slightly bowed. Anyone looking at us would just think the student council was getting together for some secret impromptu meeting, but as we move closer to her she takes a deep breath, opens those shining golden eyes of hers, and smiles.
“I didn't think the assignment was that hard.” I playfully try to hide my concern. She laughs.
“That's one thing I won't miss!” If it could, Misha's grin would be giving us a tan. “Everything else, though...”
“Come on.” I give her a punch in the arm. “We've still got a few weeks. It's too early for goodbyes.”
Misha's grin is reduced a wistful smile, but her mood stays bright as we make our way into the halls towards the main entrance. The three of us together, with our feelings and troubles finally sorted out and ready for wherever the future takes us. I feel better than I have in weeks.
Around us, the crowd bucks and jostles, everyone probably abuzz with the latest rumors or talk of what they'll do after graduation. Finally the bodies begin to thin out as we step outside into the dazzling sun. People everywhere are walking, talking, laughing, some impromptu sports games have even sprang up around the courtyard. The crisp, warm breeze gently presses against me, and the sight of a brilliant blue sky sets my eyes wide. It really is a beautiful day, in a beautiful place. And the company...
I turn to look at my companions, but they aren't there. My brow wrinkles in confusion but movement and a flash of bright pink hair catches my eye.
Misha is kneeling next to a crumpled figure on the ground. Other people are starting to gather around in a wide circle.
What?
What's going on?
The calm of a warm, sunny day evaporates in an instant, and a cold panic slithers into my chest. Pushing past the enclosing ring of students, I see Hisao on his side, hands clutching his chest, his breathing obviously labored and his eyes wide with a mixture of pain and fear.
“Misha, what happened?” But she's not looking at me. Frantically, I sit down next to Hisao, suddenly cold, feeling my own heart beat take off like a shot. I notice a soccer ball sitting a short distance away, and one student trying frantically to explain something. His lips are moving and his eyes are wide, scared, but whatever he's trying to say does about as much good to Hisao as it does to me.
“ “
He looks at me and keeps talking. Talking! Either the fact that I can't hear him or the venom in my gaze shuts him up, but I stop caring the instant Hisao turns to lay on his back, his head raised to look at me. Even as his body begins to convulse, he forces a weak smile and reaches out to me with one hand.
This isn't happening.
I feel numb as I take his hand in mine, glancing over at Misha, whose face is smudged with tears by now.
“Shicchan...” she signs to me. She doesn't know what else to do.
I look up. The sun's rays blot out the faces of the people surrounding us, and all I see is a ring of bystanders, unmoving. Why hasn't anyone gone for help? Why isn't anyone getting a nurse? I want to scream at them. I want to cry out, to spur them into action, to make them do SOMETHING. But I can't. I look back down to Hisao as I feel the hot sting of tears beginning to streak down my face.
He can't sign to me with one hand clutched tightly in mine, but his lips are moving.
You idiot. You know I can't read lips.
He says something, and then keep repeating the same three words over and over, slowly, staring into my eyes. I think I know what he's saying but I wish I didn't, I wish he wasn't saying anything at all, I wish we were still walking into town like we'd planned and everything was still okay.
I shut my eyes firmly, instantly alone for one second. Two. Three.
Enough.
Okay.
I gather all my strength and push myself to a stand, Hisao's surprised expression almost slaying me on the spot. I see Misha begin to sign at me, eyes wide as I begin walking, but I don't have time to read what she's saying and I won't stop, I can't stop, or my legs may never start moving again. Even if they had been talking before, the crowd watches me in complete silence as I shove my way through them.
Forgive me, Hisao.
Finally clearing the last bystander, I break into a run. The scene must have attracted some official attention by now, but I still don't see anyone swooping in to save the day. My heart beats firmly in my chest as I race to the place that I had committed to memory months ago. I'm surprised by how steady my hands are as I unhook the small, brightly colored container from the wall, turning to sprint back in the direction of the only two people in the world who matter to me.
The nurses still haven't arrived by the time I get back, a fact that would infuriate me if the situation wasn't so dire. Again I forcefully shove my way through the crowd, returning to Hisao's side.
His eyes are closed.
But he's still breathing.
I'm not too late.
Misha's expression changes from one of shock and betrayal to one of understanding and determination as she sees what's in my hands. We open it together and pull out the small machine. I quickly unbutton the shirt of the handsome, troublesome, frustrating, amazing boy in front of me. Misha presses a few buttons and attaches a pair of pads at different points on Hisao's chest. She looks up and shouts something, and it must have been at full volume because the crowd collectively flinches and begins moving back.
She waits for a few torturous moments as the machine must be charging. A light flashes green, and our eyes meet. I nod, and take a few steps back from Hisao, although every part of me screams not to.
Misha presses the button.
I've never liked hospitals. It's fitting that the bright, clear day has turned to a dark mess of rain beyond the thick windows of the small, sterile room I stand in. My eyes trail from the scene outside to the boy laying in the bed, then to the heartbeat monitor hanging next to him. The pulsing beats don't look like anything I would expect, but no lights or alarms seem to be going off and the nurses had allowed me inside after realizing that their protests were useless. My gaze returns to the reclining figure in front of me, the one that's come to mean so much to me over the course of the school year, close enough to touch but a thousand miles away.
I realize that when he wakes up, he'll probably think I abandoned him.
He could hate me.
Which would be understandable if I had. But I hadn't.
So even if he thinks he hates me, I'll make sure he knows the truth before I accept his judgment. I know I did the right thing.
It's just that people don't always agree with me on what the right thing is. I begin to feel the tiniest pangs of doubt again when a hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see two men, both dressed in white lab coats, one familiar, the other someone I've never met.
“ “
The one I don't know says something, but the one I do grins and makes a few careful gestures.
“Hello, Miss Hakamichi.”
“Hello.” I'm not as familiar with our school's head nurse as some of the other students are, so I don't know his name. In this moment I'm glad that all the medical staff at our school possess some rudimentary knowledge of sign language in the case that any of the deaf or mute students need help.
The other man, who must be a doctor at the hospital, frowns for a moment and then continues speaking to me.
“ “
I match his frown with a scowl of my own. I don't need to be pandered to, but insisting on speaking wastes time and breath, and reminds me of my father. I simply don't have the patience for it right now.
Luckily, the nurse has a knack for disarming such situations. He says a few words to the doctor, who nods nonchalantly, and then turns back to me.
“Your quick thinking may have saved young Nakai's life today, student council president.” The nurse continues flashing that ever present grin. “At the very least, without that AED he would be needing a much longer stay in the hospital and possibly several operations.”
He winks at me.
“As it stands, Hisao will be just fine. In fact, he should be waking up sometime soon.”
I nod and feel my shoulders sag with relief, even though I try not to show it. My whole body feels drained after a day like today.
“Cheer up, Miss Hakamichi. You did the right thing.” He and the doctor nod at me and begin to leave, but the nurse stops at the door and turns to me again.
“By the way, I was talking to Mikado earlier. Is it true that you have the location of every AED on school grounds memorized?” He's grinning again, but there's something of a mischievous glint in his eyes.
I cross my arms for a moment, wondering if this is some kind of bait I should or shouldn't be taking, but I'm too tired to read into it right now.
“Of course.” I sign back. “The well-being of my student council members is my responsibility.”
He nods, smiling as if it was the only answer he was ever expecting. “Of course. See you again soon, Miss Hakamichi.”
With them gone, I'm left alone with Hisao again. I pace around the room, too tired to do much else but unwilling to leave. I want to be there when he wakes up, to make sure he knows that I didn't leave him to die just because some idiot threw a soccer ball after class.
Maybe I've been taking him for granted. The thought makes me stop in my tracks.
I know that all he wants is to be treated like anyone else. He deserves it, we all do. But if things had happened differently today... I can't say I wouldn't have any regrets.
Misha arrives before I can give it much more thought, and we spend a few hours talking about anything and everything that will distract us. When she's too tired to keep her eyes open much longer, we share a long hug and say goodbye. I order her to be careful on her way home, which earns me one of her grins that always makes me feel better no matter how bad things are.
I sink into the chair next to the bed, exhausted. I briefly consider trying to wake up Hisao but when I glance over his eyes are already open, slowly taking in the room and his surroundings, a look of resignation on his face. When he sees me though, his smile instantly destroys any doubt I may have had. With only some difficulty I pull myself out of the chair to stand next to him, returning that warm smile.
“Hi.” I sign.
“Fancy meeting you here.” He signs back, slowly. I had forgotten about the drugs that must still be pumping through his system. But if he's still cracking jokes he can't be that out of it.
“The doctor said you're going to be fine.”
He nods, as if he's heard it all before. He probably has. He seems so familiar with the whole situation that the only thing keeping the smile on my face is the one on his.
I bite my lip and pause for a moment. Time to get it over with.
“I didn't leave you there.” I feel bad signing it even though I know I shouldn't.
But he just nods again.
“I know. Before I blacked out, I heard you coming back and setting up the defibrillator. Leave it to the student council president to come to my rescue.” I stifle a laugh, relief flooding through me. I didn't expect him to hate me, and even if he did it wouldn't be justified.
But somehow that wouldn't have kept it from hurting.
We stand there for a few minutes, our hands silent, until his expression grows cloudy.
“This could happen again. It could happen anytime.” For a moment he reminds me of the Hisao I saw when he first walked into my class. Depressed. Lost.
I don't think so. It took me months to show that Hisao how much he was really worth, what he was capable of. How much he meant to us.
To me.
I'm particularly proud of that part. One of my greatest achievements all year, maybe. Maybe.
And besides, I had help. If Misha is going to be studying sign language overseas, it's going to be my job alone to make sure he doesn't lose sight of those things again. It's quite the task, but I'm never one to shy away from a challenge.
“If that's the case, I guess I'll have to keep you close to me so I can save you again.” That gets him to smile, and I watch as the Hisao I helped build slowly returns.
“I'd like that.” He signs, but then a thoughtful look crosses his face.
“I never really told you about my heart condition though. How did you know?”
As exhausted as I am, I still manage to throw on a haughty smile.
“Just because you don't say everything doesn't mean I don't listen, you know.”
He raises an eyebrow playfully.
“And what about the things I do say?”
I can feel myself blushing. People say all sorts of things when they think their lives are on the line. Even if I couldn't actually hear the words he repeated as he was lying there, I knew what they were.
And I know now that if I didn't take this chance and never got one like it again, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
But that doesn't mean I have to make it easy for him.
“I'm tired. You have a big bed there, scoot over.” Despite some half-hearted protests, I climb over the side of the hospital bed, wriggling into the warm, soft space next to Hisao. Showing no mercy and delighting in it, I snuggle up close to him, our bodies pressed together. I'm mindful of the IV and other medical devices attached to him but not bothered in the least. Hisao is in no condition to resist, and his arms wrap around me, pulling me close. Normally I would be disappointed in such a quick surrender, but just this once I'm content to lie there next to him, basking in the warmth of his embrace.
Well, almost. There's still one more matter that needs to be resolved.
I poke Hisao softly in the arm to get his attention, and he turns to look me in the eyes, his expression curious. I move my hand between our faces and quickly sign what I've been wanting to for far too long but haven't been able, for more reasons than one. It's true that it's harder to take back things said in sign. But it's impossible to undo never saying them at all. It's harder than I thought it would be, but not the hardest thing I've have to do today by far.
“I love you too.”
Followed by a quick peck on the lips. I press my face into the crook of his shoulder, snuggle closer, and silently mouth the words into the side of his face over and over again, feeling the grin spread across his lips as darkness finally begins to close in and sleep overtakes me, there in his arms.
“Talking Bird” is a song by Death Cab For Cutie.
Talking Bird
The class's palpable relief goes hand in hand with the bell ringing, the end of another torturous day. Graduation is looming on the horizon, and with each passing week, the time spent chained in our chairs seem more and more like a formality. Some of us are obviously happy about it, desperate to escape Yamaku and get on with their lives outside, in the “real” world. But as we all rise and begin collect our things, glancing at Misha reminds me that there are some who don't deal so well with being uprooted.
Everyone is making their way outside the classroom, even Mutou himself looks like he's waiting for his chance to bolt. But Misha stands there next to her desk, frozen to the spot, eyes closed and head slightly bowed. Anyone looking at us would just think the student council was getting together for some secret impromptu meeting, but as we move closer to her she takes a deep breath, opens those shining golden eyes of hers, and smiles.
“I didn't think the assignment was that hard.” I playfully try to hide my concern. She laughs.
“That's one thing I won't miss!” If it could, Misha's grin would be giving us a tan. “Everything else, though...”
“Come on.” I give her a punch in the arm. “We've still got a few weeks. It's too early for goodbyes.”
Misha's grin is reduced a wistful smile, but her mood stays bright as we make our way into the halls towards the main entrance. The three of us together, with our feelings and troubles finally sorted out and ready for wherever the future takes us. I feel better than I have in weeks.
Around us, the crowd bucks and jostles, everyone probably abuzz with the latest rumors or talk of what they'll do after graduation. Finally the bodies begin to thin out as we step outside into the dazzling sun. People everywhere are walking, talking, laughing, some impromptu sports games have even sprang up around the courtyard. The crisp, warm breeze gently presses against me, and the sight of a brilliant blue sky sets my eyes wide. It really is a beautiful day, in a beautiful place. And the company...
I turn to look at my companions, but they aren't there. My brow wrinkles in confusion but movement and a flash of bright pink hair catches my eye.
Misha is kneeling next to a crumpled figure on the ground. Other people are starting to gather around in a wide circle.
What?
What's going on?
The calm of a warm, sunny day evaporates in an instant, and a cold panic slithers into my chest. Pushing past the enclosing ring of students, I see Hisao on his side, hands clutching his chest, his breathing obviously labored and his eyes wide with a mixture of pain and fear.
“Misha, what happened?” But she's not looking at me. Frantically, I sit down next to Hisao, suddenly cold, feeling my own heart beat take off like a shot. I notice a soccer ball sitting a short distance away, and one student trying frantically to explain something. His lips are moving and his eyes are wide, scared, but whatever he's trying to say does about as much good to Hisao as it does to me.
“ “
He looks at me and keeps talking. Talking! Either the fact that I can't hear him or the venom in my gaze shuts him up, but I stop caring the instant Hisao turns to lay on his back, his head raised to look at me. Even as his body begins to convulse, he forces a weak smile and reaches out to me with one hand.
This isn't happening.
I feel numb as I take his hand in mine, glancing over at Misha, whose face is smudged with tears by now.
“Shicchan...” she signs to me. She doesn't know what else to do.
I look up. The sun's rays blot out the faces of the people surrounding us, and all I see is a ring of bystanders, unmoving. Why hasn't anyone gone for help? Why isn't anyone getting a nurse? I want to scream at them. I want to cry out, to spur them into action, to make them do SOMETHING. But I can't. I look back down to Hisao as I feel the hot sting of tears beginning to streak down my face.
He can't sign to me with one hand clutched tightly in mine, but his lips are moving.
You idiot. You know I can't read lips.
He says something, and then keep repeating the same three words over and over, slowly, staring into my eyes. I think I know what he's saying but I wish I didn't, I wish he wasn't saying anything at all, I wish we were still walking into town like we'd planned and everything was still okay.
I shut my eyes firmly, instantly alone for one second. Two. Three.
Enough.
Okay.
I gather all my strength and push myself to a stand, Hisao's surprised expression almost slaying me on the spot. I see Misha begin to sign at me, eyes wide as I begin walking, but I don't have time to read what she's saying and I won't stop, I can't stop, or my legs may never start moving again. Even if they had been talking before, the crowd watches me in complete silence as I shove my way through them.
Forgive me, Hisao.
Finally clearing the last bystander, I break into a run. The scene must have attracted some official attention by now, but I still don't see anyone swooping in to save the day. My heart beats firmly in my chest as I race to the place that I had committed to memory months ago. I'm surprised by how steady my hands are as I unhook the small, brightly colored container from the wall, turning to sprint back in the direction of the only two people in the world who matter to me.
The nurses still haven't arrived by the time I get back, a fact that would infuriate me if the situation wasn't so dire. Again I forcefully shove my way through the crowd, returning to Hisao's side.
His eyes are closed.
But he's still breathing.
I'm not too late.
Misha's expression changes from one of shock and betrayal to one of understanding and determination as she sees what's in my hands. We open it together and pull out the small machine. I quickly unbutton the shirt of the handsome, troublesome, frustrating, amazing boy in front of me. Misha presses a few buttons and attaches a pair of pads at different points on Hisao's chest. She looks up and shouts something, and it must have been at full volume because the crowd collectively flinches and begins moving back.
She waits for a few torturous moments as the machine must be charging. A light flashes green, and our eyes meet. I nod, and take a few steps back from Hisao, although every part of me screams not to.
Misha presses the button.
I've never liked hospitals. It's fitting that the bright, clear day has turned to a dark mess of rain beyond the thick windows of the small, sterile room I stand in. My eyes trail from the scene outside to the boy laying in the bed, then to the heartbeat monitor hanging next to him. The pulsing beats don't look like anything I would expect, but no lights or alarms seem to be going off and the nurses had allowed me inside after realizing that their protests were useless. My gaze returns to the reclining figure in front of me, the one that's come to mean so much to me over the course of the school year, close enough to touch but a thousand miles away.
I realize that when he wakes up, he'll probably think I abandoned him.
He could hate me.
Which would be understandable if I had. But I hadn't.
So even if he thinks he hates me, I'll make sure he knows the truth before I accept his judgment. I know I did the right thing.
It's just that people don't always agree with me on what the right thing is. I begin to feel the tiniest pangs of doubt again when a hand taps me on the shoulder. I turn to see two men, both dressed in white lab coats, one familiar, the other someone I've never met.
“ “
The one I don't know says something, but the one I do grins and makes a few careful gestures.
“Hello, Miss Hakamichi.”
“Hello.” I'm not as familiar with our school's head nurse as some of the other students are, so I don't know his name. In this moment I'm glad that all the medical staff at our school possess some rudimentary knowledge of sign language in the case that any of the deaf or mute students need help.
The other man, who must be a doctor at the hospital, frowns for a moment and then continues speaking to me.
“ “
I match his frown with a scowl of my own. I don't need to be pandered to, but insisting on speaking wastes time and breath, and reminds me of my father. I simply don't have the patience for it right now.
Luckily, the nurse has a knack for disarming such situations. He says a few words to the doctor, who nods nonchalantly, and then turns back to me.
“Your quick thinking may have saved young Nakai's life today, student council president.” The nurse continues flashing that ever present grin. “At the very least, without that AED he would be needing a much longer stay in the hospital and possibly several operations.”
He winks at me.
“As it stands, Hisao will be just fine. In fact, he should be waking up sometime soon.”
I nod and feel my shoulders sag with relief, even though I try not to show it. My whole body feels drained after a day like today.
“Cheer up, Miss Hakamichi. You did the right thing.” He and the doctor nod at me and begin to leave, but the nurse stops at the door and turns to me again.
“By the way, I was talking to Mikado earlier. Is it true that you have the location of every AED on school grounds memorized?” He's grinning again, but there's something of a mischievous glint in his eyes.
I cross my arms for a moment, wondering if this is some kind of bait I should or shouldn't be taking, but I'm too tired to read into it right now.
“Of course.” I sign back. “The well-being of my student council members is my responsibility.”
He nods, smiling as if it was the only answer he was ever expecting. “Of course. See you again soon, Miss Hakamichi.”
With them gone, I'm left alone with Hisao again. I pace around the room, too tired to do much else but unwilling to leave. I want to be there when he wakes up, to make sure he knows that I didn't leave him to die just because some idiot threw a soccer ball after class.
Maybe I've been taking him for granted. The thought makes me stop in my tracks.
I know that all he wants is to be treated like anyone else. He deserves it, we all do. But if things had happened differently today... I can't say I wouldn't have any regrets.
Misha arrives before I can give it much more thought, and we spend a few hours talking about anything and everything that will distract us. When she's too tired to keep her eyes open much longer, we share a long hug and say goodbye. I order her to be careful on her way home, which earns me one of her grins that always makes me feel better no matter how bad things are.
I sink into the chair next to the bed, exhausted. I briefly consider trying to wake up Hisao but when I glance over his eyes are already open, slowly taking in the room and his surroundings, a look of resignation on his face. When he sees me though, his smile instantly destroys any doubt I may have had. With only some difficulty I pull myself out of the chair to stand next to him, returning that warm smile.
“Hi.” I sign.
“Fancy meeting you here.” He signs back, slowly. I had forgotten about the drugs that must still be pumping through his system. But if he's still cracking jokes he can't be that out of it.
“The doctor said you're going to be fine.”
He nods, as if he's heard it all before. He probably has. He seems so familiar with the whole situation that the only thing keeping the smile on my face is the one on his.
I bite my lip and pause for a moment. Time to get it over with.
“I didn't leave you there.” I feel bad signing it even though I know I shouldn't.
But he just nods again.
“I know. Before I blacked out, I heard you coming back and setting up the defibrillator. Leave it to the student council president to come to my rescue.” I stifle a laugh, relief flooding through me. I didn't expect him to hate me, and even if he did it wouldn't be justified.
But somehow that wouldn't have kept it from hurting.
We stand there for a few minutes, our hands silent, until his expression grows cloudy.
“This could happen again. It could happen anytime.” For a moment he reminds me of the Hisao I saw when he first walked into my class. Depressed. Lost.
I don't think so. It took me months to show that Hisao how much he was really worth, what he was capable of. How much he meant to us.
To me.
I'm particularly proud of that part. One of my greatest achievements all year, maybe. Maybe.
And besides, I had help. If Misha is going to be studying sign language overseas, it's going to be my job alone to make sure he doesn't lose sight of those things again. It's quite the task, but I'm never one to shy away from a challenge.
“If that's the case, I guess I'll have to keep you close to me so I can save you again.” That gets him to smile, and I watch as the Hisao I helped build slowly returns.
“I'd like that.” He signs, but then a thoughtful look crosses his face.
“I never really told you about my heart condition though. How did you know?”
As exhausted as I am, I still manage to throw on a haughty smile.
“Just because you don't say everything doesn't mean I don't listen, you know.”
He raises an eyebrow playfully.
“And what about the things I do say?”
I can feel myself blushing. People say all sorts of things when they think their lives are on the line. Even if I couldn't actually hear the words he repeated as he was lying there, I knew what they were.
And I know now that if I didn't take this chance and never got one like it again, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
But that doesn't mean I have to make it easy for him.
“I'm tired. You have a big bed there, scoot over.” Despite some half-hearted protests, I climb over the side of the hospital bed, wriggling into the warm, soft space next to Hisao. Showing no mercy and delighting in it, I snuggle up close to him, our bodies pressed together. I'm mindful of the IV and other medical devices attached to him but not bothered in the least. Hisao is in no condition to resist, and his arms wrap around me, pulling me close. Normally I would be disappointed in such a quick surrender, but just this once I'm content to lie there next to him, basking in the warmth of his embrace.
Well, almost. There's still one more matter that needs to be resolved.
I poke Hisao softly in the arm to get his attention, and he turns to look me in the eyes, his expression curious. I move my hand between our faces and quickly sign what I've been wanting to for far too long but haven't been able, for more reasons than one. It's true that it's harder to take back things said in sign. But it's impossible to undo never saying them at all. It's harder than I thought it would be, but not the hardest thing I've have to do today by far.
“I love you too.”
Followed by a quick peck on the lips. I press my face into the crook of his shoulder, snuggle closer, and silently mouth the words into the side of his face over and over again, feeling the grin spread across his lips as darkness finally begins to close in and sleep overtakes me, there in his arms.
“Talking Bird” is a song by Death Cab For Cutie.
