You And I Both (Shizune)
Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 7:46 am
Hi.
I don't really use forums and I don't really remember how. But I do want to become a better writer, and I was hoping maybe you could help me with that. And if you get some enjoyment out of these things I've made, then all's fair.
I have a pastebin with some other writings in my signature, you can check it out if you want. I wasn't sure which one I should post here first because it would be like putting my best foot forward, and I have no idea which one that is. So I picked this one.
I would appreciate any criticism, comments, or feedback you may have. Thanks.
You And I Both
How did I get here? My mind swims hazily as I glance up at the blue sky, partially obscured by the canopy of a tree.
That tree. Something about it. About trees.
Oh, yeah. I'm not good at climbing them.
I think I must have hit my head when I fell out of it. Luckily I didn't land flat on my back or my chest. The dull thumping is strong, but my heart protests only slightly louder than normal, and I sigh in relief even as I still can't quite remember what's going on.
A girl's face pushes into my view, only inches away from mine. Bright, piercing eyes, wide open, stare at me with a mix of concern and, I think, triumph. Leaning back, she fires off a burst of sign language that, apart from fanning me a bit in the hot Sunday air, does nothing for me.
“Too fast, and my head is spinning.” I still don't quite have the hang of Shizune's rapid-fire signing yet. It would be easier if Misha were here, but her absence is conspicuous and, I think, deliberate. Shizune had given some story about her spending the day to see her family, and I believe her, but the fact that we've never spent much time together outside of student council work isn't lost on me.
The throbbing pain in my head slowly starts to recede as I breath in the clear afternoon air. I recall being lured into the woods behind Yamaku by Shizune, exploring the quiet, peaceful paths and hills. Finding the tree in question in an open clearing and responding to Shizune's challenge of who could climb to the top the fastest. In retrospect it wasn't a very good idea. I, being an urbanite through and through, had no experience in climbing trees, and a fall from a steep enough of height could prove disastrous. Well, at least I knew I could take a little tumble and keep on ticking, so to speak.
Still, I guess that means I lost this contest, which would explain the triumph in Shizune's body language. She repeats her earlier gestures, but a little slower to make sure I can keep up with her.
“[Are you all right?]”
“[Yeah. I guess I've never really tried to climb a tree before. It looked easier in my head.]”
She smiles and adjusts her glasses in a haughty pose I've come to know.
“[Good. You looked so dramatic there, I thought you might have died.”] She cocks her head and her expression grows entirely serious, still staring at me with that piercing gaze.
“[If you had, it would have made things quite difficult for me.]”
I narrow my eyes. “[Yeah, how horrible it would be for you.]”
“[You joke!”] She signs, breaking into a grin again. “[But I would have to go through all the effort of hiding the body, coming up with a story about you moving to Siberia, losing a valued member of the student council... not to mention, I wouldn't get to claim my prize for winning.]”
The glint in her eyes as she signs that list bit makes me gulp. “[And that prize is?]”
She looks at me as innocently as a schoolgirl. Which she is, so you'd think it would be more convincing. But it's not.
“[I'm not sure. You'll find out.]”
I believe every word of it. Sighing, I finally make the effort to stand up, taking in the beautiful view around us. I knew that Yamaku was isolated, but I never knew there was so much... nature to be found only a short distance away. Even though the woods behind the school seem like a popular place to slip away at times, there's virtually no evidence that anyone else ever comes out here. We didn't see a single soul on our trek through the wilderness; either everyone has better things to do on a Sunday afternoon or Shizune managed to secure the entire area for her own intentions somehow. The latter wouldn't really surprise me.
A warm breeze filters in between the tall grass and branches surrounding us, and Shizune straightens up, letting it pass around and through her, breathing deeply. I'm reminded of the night of the festival, gazing up at the stars, feeling like there was as much distance between the two of us there as there was between the Earth and those bright pinpoints of light. But that chasm had been crossed, and I had managed to pick up enough sign to finally interact with her one-on-one, even if it was still a daunting task sometimes. In this moment, seeing her at ease and relaxed, I know it was all worth it, a challenge well worth taking on. She catches me staring at her and cocks her head to one side again, returning my gaze for a moment before signing to me.
“[I want to show you something.]”
Feeling only slight pangs of dread, I follow as she begins to walk off. The sunlight beats down on us from above, filtered through the leaves and branches of the woods, but I make no effort to shield my eyes. Somehow, it just feels right to take in this place, to enjoy the brightness and intensity of my surroundings exactly as they're meant to be. I notice that Shizune still walks with a firm determination, even though we don't have anywhere else to be. I guess she just doesn't like wasting time.
Talking in sign language while walking is too much for my beginner's skills, so we continue the rest of the way in silence. Well. It's silence all the time, but now even more so. Still, it isn't a completely awkward quiet. Shizune seems to instinctively dismiss anything that isn't in her peripheral vision, anything that isn't right in front of her and can't be dealt with directly and immediately, so she has no qualms with just striding forward along the trail she blazes.
Finally we arrive at our destination, a decent sized, bubbling stream that cuts through the wilderness. A thick trail of stones surrounds it on both sides, and I wonder just how far away we are from school to find such a remote, peaceful place. A large, flat rock sits perched above a bend in the water's flow, and Shizune sits herself down on one side of it, gesturing at me to do the same. I oblige, taking in the peaceful stillness of the surroundings matched with the soft gurgling of rushing water. The movement of Shizune's hands draw my eyes.
“[Do you like it?]”
I grew up in a fairly large city and enjoyed it there, but I've started to grow accustomed to the distant, quiet atmosphere around Yamaku. This place seems both open to the outside world and private, as if I had stumbled into some hidden retreat, a sanctuary.
And yet, the fact that I've been invited, no, led here speaks for itself. Even though I've been getting to know Shizune more and more as time goes on, I still haven't gotten many peaks into who she really is, underneath the playful exterior. This seems like an opportunity to lift those layers, if only a little bit. I hope I don't mess it up.
“[Yeah. Is this your secret hideout?]”
She shakes her head with some degree of regret.
“[I wouldn't call it that. I don't really have time to come out here with how busy things are these days. But it's still a place I like.]” She glances around slowly before smiling again, adjusting her glasses.
“[If this is my secret hideout, then I guess some people would call the student council room my lair.]”
I manage a laugh, but the image of Shizune as a giant dragon, complete with a hoard of paperwork, vending-machine lunches, and a captive princess clad in bright pink drills is only too quick to come to my mind. I try desperately to shake off the oncoming mental shudder, but Shizune seems to notice, and her expression grows devilish. She stands up to make sure I'm paying attention, before signing to me.
“[I've decided my prize for beating you in the climbing race.]” She smiles widely, but there's an odd look in her eyes, one I'm not sure I've seen before. A feel of unease crawls into my stomach, but I know there's no turning back now.
“[Oh?]”
She nods, but it seems forced, and as she does, her expression grows harder. I don't think I've ever seen her hesitate like this, and my head begins to swim with dangerous thoughts. Two high school kids, alone, in the wilderness, with no one else around, and with one owing the other an unspecified favor? It sounds like scene from the stacks of cheesy romance novels that I always pass by in the library without a second glance. My heart begins pounding and I forcibly remove the thoughts from my mind. There's no way something like that come be coming. Is there?
Shizune sees my vacant expression and her own grows cloudy. I can tell she's still unsure about whether or not she should proceed, and the sight of an uncertain Shizune is still such a shock to me that I force myself to look her straight in the eye.
“[You have my undivided attention.]” I sign to her.
“[Good. As your student council president, I wouldn't expect anything less.]” She regains her earlier pride, only drop it a moment later.
“[What does it sound like?]” She stares into my eyes with that analytical gaze. Even though things like sarcasm are almost impossible to convey through sign language, I can tell that there isn't a drop of jest in her words from her expression.
I'm surprised, and not quite sure how to answer her question. She's never acted ignorant of the fact that she can't hear, although sometimes it does seem to work in her favor. But she's never expressed an interest in the sounds of the world around her either, as far as I've been witness to. And this seems like a huge task, describing something so intrinsic to life to someone who's been without it for as long as they can remember.
“[What does what sound like?]” I flounder.
“[Everything. There are birds, right? And the water. Someone described it to me once. It's like running the pages of a book through your fingers.]”
I take a minute to think about it. I don't actually hear any birds, but her description of a stream's bubbling reminds me that I have to describe sound in ways I've never really thought about. This must be like describing color to Lilly, or what it's like to hold a ball in your hands to someone like Rin.
“[Well. There aren't any birds out today, but they kind of sound like a raindrop hitting your skin, or... twisting your hair in between your fingers.]” I stumble not only with the words to say but also the proper way to sign them. This would be so much easier if Misha were here, but as Shizune sits down and stares at me intently, determined to visualize and understand what I'm saying, I relish the closeness of the moment. Spending a beautiful day outside like this with a cute girl, seeing a side of her that I haven't seen before... maybe I'm doing something right. I press onwards, as for once she's obviously waiting for me to go on.
“[And the sound of the stream is like watching something roll down a hill. Little bits of water are like that, but something like the ocean is more like breathing in and out.]” I think about the time I stumbled upon a seashell once as a child, holding it up to my ears and trying desperately to hear the sound of waves coming from inside. I don't remember if I did or not, but either way, the story would probably be wasted on her.
Or maybe not. She stares ahead, looking thoughtful and a little wistful. I take in the sight of her during a rare moment of pause, still confident, still in control, just more open. I'm sure it's something she's thought of before, even explored and asked people close to her like Misha about at times. The thought that I might be included in that group now makes me smile. Shizune isn't really such a harsh taskmaster sometimes.. This almost seems uncharacteristic of her, this interest in something she can never know or experience. But Shizune has always cared about the input of others, even if she chooses to completely ignore it afterwards. I guess understanding her environment more helps her understand the people around her more, too. She can be a mystery sometimes, but underneath it all she's a person like any other, when she lets her walls down.
For that, you just need a sledgehammer sometimes. Or to fall out of a tree, apparently.
“[Would you really have hid my body if I'd died back there?]”
She snaps out of her mood, trying to look as if she's mulling over the thought in her mind. Finally, she gives that slight smile that tells me she's back in command.
“[Probably not. But I can't have my student council members dropping like flies. It's bad for morale, and since recruiting new people is so much effort...]”
Despite her sarcasm, it's true what she says. She and Misha did work pretty hard to get me in their grasp. But I can't give them all the credit. A part of me wanted something to belong to, and they welcomed me with open arms. Or claws, at times. All the work leading up to the festival was a little daunting, and with Tanabata coming up things don't look like they'll get much easier. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the ride. And it's hard to mope about your heart condition when someone's shoving paperwork at you, or making you build stalls, or making you skip class to eat out in town.
I realize that I really am grateful for the time I've spent with Shizune and Misha, and for all the effort they've put into getting me where I am now. It's not like I haven't exactly been giving back, but maybe I just didn't see how much I owed them.
There's a flash of movement. A loud snapping noise drives me back to reality, and I'm so startled that I feel myself begin to topple backwards off the rock that we were sitting on. Time seems to slow down, and I turn my head to see the bubbling stream come rushing towards me. Suddenly, I'm being yanked hard in the opposite direction and I feel like I'm being choked, only to land with a thud on something soft and dry. I'm reminded of falling out of that tree, only this time instead of warm grass beneath me, it's the student council president.
We lay there in a heap for a few moments, her hand still clutching my tie and her eyes staring straight into mine, a blush on her face and a mixture between shock, embarrassment and something else in her eyes. Mischief? Relief? I'm trying to work it out when--
Ka-thump.
Ka-thump.
Ka-thump. Ka-thump.
Not now. Panic sets in but a dull voice in the back of my head says I'm lucky this hasn't already happened once today. I hastily pick myself off of Shizune, trying to take regular, deep breaths. I stare up at the whispering canopy of trees, the sunlight still shining brightly through the gaps, trying to listen to the soft rustle of the wind.
Please. Not now. Later maybe, when I fall down some stairs or something. But not in front of her.
Shizune stares hard at me as she stands up, her expression quickly changing from embarrassed amusement to concern. She begins to sign at me, but my hands are clutched tight to my chest and I can't respond.
The fear threatens to overwhelm me, but something else begins to boil in my throat.
Not now. I'm not pleading this time, I'm commanding.
I'm not going back to that hospital. I'm not packing up and losing my friends again. I refuse. Damn it, I'm stronger than this. All this wasn't for nothing.
I guess spending all that time around Shizune has started to rub off on me a bit. I don't know if it's possible to slow your heart down through sheer force of will, but I feel the sharp pain in my chest begin to subside. My heartbeat slowly returns to normal, or as close as it ever gets.
I let out a huge sigh of relief, realizing that I had begun to sweat. And when my eyes refocus on what's in front of me, I see Shizune standing there, barely an inch away from me, fists clenched at her sides.
She looks like I feel. And I've never seen a girl look so helpless.
As I try to think of what to say, I remember that I still haven't really told Shizune or Misha about my condition. Maybe I was still ashamed, or embarrassed, or just couldn't find the words, just like I can't now. But I have to say something.
“[I'm okay.]”
That much she probably already knew. She manages a smile and reaches up to adjust her glasses slightly. When she does I could swear I see a hint of moisture in those cool, serious eyes, but anything that was there is gone by the time she finishes and signs to me.
“[Good. I'm sorry.]”
“[It's not your fault.]”
I'm not sure if she agrees, but she looks willing to believe it if I do. Taking a step back to fully compose herself, and she's back to the Shizune I know, cool and playful.
“[I'm glad. As I was trying to say, you would be difficult to replace.]”
“[If that's the case, I'll make an effort to stick around.]”
She gives me that smile that says I made the right move in whatever game we're playing at the moment, and looks me straight in the eye.
“[See that you do.]”
We dust ourselves off and begin to make our way back to Yamaku as the sun finally begins to sink over the horizon. As we walk together in comfortable silence, ideas begin to swim through my head. Tanabata is coming up, after all...
“You And I Both” is a song by Jason Mraz.
I don't really use forums and I don't really remember how. But I do want to become a better writer, and I was hoping maybe you could help me with that. And if you get some enjoyment out of these things I've made, then all's fair.
I have a pastebin with some other writings in my signature, you can check it out if you want. I wasn't sure which one I should post here first because it would be like putting my best foot forward, and I have no idea which one that is. So I picked this one.
I would appreciate any criticism, comments, or feedback you may have. Thanks.
You And I Both
How did I get here? My mind swims hazily as I glance up at the blue sky, partially obscured by the canopy of a tree.
That tree. Something about it. About trees.
Oh, yeah. I'm not good at climbing them.
I think I must have hit my head when I fell out of it. Luckily I didn't land flat on my back or my chest. The dull thumping is strong, but my heart protests only slightly louder than normal, and I sigh in relief even as I still can't quite remember what's going on.
A girl's face pushes into my view, only inches away from mine. Bright, piercing eyes, wide open, stare at me with a mix of concern and, I think, triumph. Leaning back, she fires off a burst of sign language that, apart from fanning me a bit in the hot Sunday air, does nothing for me.
“Too fast, and my head is spinning.” I still don't quite have the hang of Shizune's rapid-fire signing yet. It would be easier if Misha were here, but her absence is conspicuous and, I think, deliberate. Shizune had given some story about her spending the day to see her family, and I believe her, but the fact that we've never spent much time together outside of student council work isn't lost on me.
The throbbing pain in my head slowly starts to recede as I breath in the clear afternoon air. I recall being lured into the woods behind Yamaku by Shizune, exploring the quiet, peaceful paths and hills. Finding the tree in question in an open clearing and responding to Shizune's challenge of who could climb to the top the fastest. In retrospect it wasn't a very good idea. I, being an urbanite through and through, had no experience in climbing trees, and a fall from a steep enough of height could prove disastrous. Well, at least I knew I could take a little tumble and keep on ticking, so to speak.
Still, I guess that means I lost this contest, which would explain the triumph in Shizune's body language. She repeats her earlier gestures, but a little slower to make sure I can keep up with her.
“[Are you all right?]”
“[Yeah. I guess I've never really tried to climb a tree before. It looked easier in my head.]”
She smiles and adjusts her glasses in a haughty pose I've come to know.
“[Good. You looked so dramatic there, I thought you might have died.”] She cocks her head and her expression grows entirely serious, still staring at me with that piercing gaze.
“[If you had, it would have made things quite difficult for me.]”
I narrow my eyes. “[Yeah, how horrible it would be for you.]”
“[You joke!”] She signs, breaking into a grin again. “[But I would have to go through all the effort of hiding the body, coming up with a story about you moving to Siberia, losing a valued member of the student council... not to mention, I wouldn't get to claim my prize for winning.]”
The glint in her eyes as she signs that list bit makes me gulp. “[And that prize is?]”
She looks at me as innocently as a schoolgirl. Which she is, so you'd think it would be more convincing. But it's not.
“[I'm not sure. You'll find out.]”
I believe every word of it. Sighing, I finally make the effort to stand up, taking in the beautiful view around us. I knew that Yamaku was isolated, but I never knew there was so much... nature to be found only a short distance away. Even though the woods behind the school seem like a popular place to slip away at times, there's virtually no evidence that anyone else ever comes out here. We didn't see a single soul on our trek through the wilderness; either everyone has better things to do on a Sunday afternoon or Shizune managed to secure the entire area for her own intentions somehow. The latter wouldn't really surprise me.
A warm breeze filters in between the tall grass and branches surrounding us, and Shizune straightens up, letting it pass around and through her, breathing deeply. I'm reminded of the night of the festival, gazing up at the stars, feeling like there was as much distance between the two of us there as there was between the Earth and those bright pinpoints of light. But that chasm had been crossed, and I had managed to pick up enough sign to finally interact with her one-on-one, even if it was still a daunting task sometimes. In this moment, seeing her at ease and relaxed, I know it was all worth it, a challenge well worth taking on. She catches me staring at her and cocks her head to one side again, returning my gaze for a moment before signing to me.
“[I want to show you something.]”
Feeling only slight pangs of dread, I follow as she begins to walk off. The sunlight beats down on us from above, filtered through the leaves and branches of the woods, but I make no effort to shield my eyes. Somehow, it just feels right to take in this place, to enjoy the brightness and intensity of my surroundings exactly as they're meant to be. I notice that Shizune still walks with a firm determination, even though we don't have anywhere else to be. I guess she just doesn't like wasting time.
Talking in sign language while walking is too much for my beginner's skills, so we continue the rest of the way in silence. Well. It's silence all the time, but now even more so. Still, it isn't a completely awkward quiet. Shizune seems to instinctively dismiss anything that isn't in her peripheral vision, anything that isn't right in front of her and can't be dealt with directly and immediately, so she has no qualms with just striding forward along the trail she blazes.
Finally we arrive at our destination, a decent sized, bubbling stream that cuts through the wilderness. A thick trail of stones surrounds it on both sides, and I wonder just how far away we are from school to find such a remote, peaceful place. A large, flat rock sits perched above a bend in the water's flow, and Shizune sits herself down on one side of it, gesturing at me to do the same. I oblige, taking in the peaceful stillness of the surroundings matched with the soft gurgling of rushing water. The movement of Shizune's hands draw my eyes.
“[Do you like it?]”
I grew up in a fairly large city and enjoyed it there, but I've started to grow accustomed to the distant, quiet atmosphere around Yamaku. This place seems both open to the outside world and private, as if I had stumbled into some hidden retreat, a sanctuary.
And yet, the fact that I've been invited, no, led here speaks for itself. Even though I've been getting to know Shizune more and more as time goes on, I still haven't gotten many peaks into who she really is, underneath the playful exterior. This seems like an opportunity to lift those layers, if only a little bit. I hope I don't mess it up.
“[Yeah. Is this your secret hideout?]”
She shakes her head with some degree of regret.
“[I wouldn't call it that. I don't really have time to come out here with how busy things are these days. But it's still a place I like.]” She glances around slowly before smiling again, adjusting her glasses.
“[If this is my secret hideout, then I guess some people would call the student council room my lair.]”
I manage a laugh, but the image of Shizune as a giant dragon, complete with a hoard of paperwork, vending-machine lunches, and a captive princess clad in bright pink drills is only too quick to come to my mind. I try desperately to shake off the oncoming mental shudder, but Shizune seems to notice, and her expression grows devilish. She stands up to make sure I'm paying attention, before signing to me.
“[I've decided my prize for beating you in the climbing race.]” She smiles widely, but there's an odd look in her eyes, one I'm not sure I've seen before. A feel of unease crawls into my stomach, but I know there's no turning back now.
“[Oh?]”
She nods, but it seems forced, and as she does, her expression grows harder. I don't think I've ever seen her hesitate like this, and my head begins to swim with dangerous thoughts. Two high school kids, alone, in the wilderness, with no one else around, and with one owing the other an unspecified favor? It sounds like scene from the stacks of cheesy romance novels that I always pass by in the library without a second glance. My heart begins pounding and I forcibly remove the thoughts from my mind. There's no way something like that come be coming. Is there?
Shizune sees my vacant expression and her own grows cloudy. I can tell she's still unsure about whether or not she should proceed, and the sight of an uncertain Shizune is still such a shock to me that I force myself to look her straight in the eye.
“[You have my undivided attention.]” I sign to her.
“[Good. As your student council president, I wouldn't expect anything less.]” She regains her earlier pride, only drop it a moment later.
“[What does it sound like?]” She stares into my eyes with that analytical gaze. Even though things like sarcasm are almost impossible to convey through sign language, I can tell that there isn't a drop of jest in her words from her expression.
I'm surprised, and not quite sure how to answer her question. She's never acted ignorant of the fact that she can't hear, although sometimes it does seem to work in her favor. But she's never expressed an interest in the sounds of the world around her either, as far as I've been witness to. And this seems like a huge task, describing something so intrinsic to life to someone who's been without it for as long as they can remember.
“[What does what sound like?]” I flounder.
“[Everything. There are birds, right? And the water. Someone described it to me once. It's like running the pages of a book through your fingers.]”
I take a minute to think about it. I don't actually hear any birds, but her description of a stream's bubbling reminds me that I have to describe sound in ways I've never really thought about. This must be like describing color to Lilly, or what it's like to hold a ball in your hands to someone like Rin.
“[Well. There aren't any birds out today, but they kind of sound like a raindrop hitting your skin, or... twisting your hair in between your fingers.]” I stumble not only with the words to say but also the proper way to sign them. This would be so much easier if Misha were here, but as Shizune sits down and stares at me intently, determined to visualize and understand what I'm saying, I relish the closeness of the moment. Spending a beautiful day outside like this with a cute girl, seeing a side of her that I haven't seen before... maybe I'm doing something right. I press onwards, as for once she's obviously waiting for me to go on.
“[And the sound of the stream is like watching something roll down a hill. Little bits of water are like that, but something like the ocean is more like breathing in and out.]” I think about the time I stumbled upon a seashell once as a child, holding it up to my ears and trying desperately to hear the sound of waves coming from inside. I don't remember if I did or not, but either way, the story would probably be wasted on her.
Or maybe not. She stares ahead, looking thoughtful and a little wistful. I take in the sight of her during a rare moment of pause, still confident, still in control, just more open. I'm sure it's something she's thought of before, even explored and asked people close to her like Misha about at times. The thought that I might be included in that group now makes me smile. Shizune isn't really such a harsh taskmaster sometimes.. This almost seems uncharacteristic of her, this interest in something she can never know or experience. But Shizune has always cared about the input of others, even if she chooses to completely ignore it afterwards. I guess understanding her environment more helps her understand the people around her more, too. She can be a mystery sometimes, but underneath it all she's a person like any other, when she lets her walls down.
For that, you just need a sledgehammer sometimes. Or to fall out of a tree, apparently.
“[Would you really have hid my body if I'd died back there?]”
She snaps out of her mood, trying to look as if she's mulling over the thought in her mind. Finally, she gives that slight smile that tells me she's back in command.
“[Probably not. But I can't have my student council members dropping like flies. It's bad for morale, and since recruiting new people is so much effort...]”
Despite her sarcasm, it's true what she says. She and Misha did work pretty hard to get me in their grasp. But I can't give them all the credit. A part of me wanted something to belong to, and they welcomed me with open arms. Or claws, at times. All the work leading up to the festival was a little daunting, and with Tanabata coming up things don't look like they'll get much easier. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the ride. And it's hard to mope about your heart condition when someone's shoving paperwork at you, or making you build stalls, or making you skip class to eat out in town.
I realize that I really am grateful for the time I've spent with Shizune and Misha, and for all the effort they've put into getting me where I am now. It's not like I haven't exactly been giving back, but maybe I just didn't see how much I owed them.
There's a flash of movement. A loud snapping noise drives me back to reality, and I'm so startled that I feel myself begin to topple backwards off the rock that we were sitting on. Time seems to slow down, and I turn my head to see the bubbling stream come rushing towards me. Suddenly, I'm being yanked hard in the opposite direction and I feel like I'm being choked, only to land with a thud on something soft and dry. I'm reminded of falling out of that tree, only this time instead of warm grass beneath me, it's the student council president.
We lay there in a heap for a few moments, her hand still clutching my tie and her eyes staring straight into mine, a blush on her face and a mixture between shock, embarrassment and something else in her eyes. Mischief? Relief? I'm trying to work it out when--
Ka-thump.
Ka-thump.
Ka-thump. Ka-thump.
Not now. Panic sets in but a dull voice in the back of my head says I'm lucky this hasn't already happened once today. I hastily pick myself off of Shizune, trying to take regular, deep breaths. I stare up at the whispering canopy of trees, the sunlight still shining brightly through the gaps, trying to listen to the soft rustle of the wind.
Please. Not now. Later maybe, when I fall down some stairs or something. But not in front of her.
Shizune stares hard at me as she stands up, her expression quickly changing from embarrassed amusement to concern. She begins to sign at me, but my hands are clutched tight to my chest and I can't respond.
The fear threatens to overwhelm me, but something else begins to boil in my throat.
Not now. I'm not pleading this time, I'm commanding.
I'm not going back to that hospital. I'm not packing up and losing my friends again. I refuse. Damn it, I'm stronger than this. All this wasn't for nothing.
I guess spending all that time around Shizune has started to rub off on me a bit. I don't know if it's possible to slow your heart down through sheer force of will, but I feel the sharp pain in my chest begin to subside. My heartbeat slowly returns to normal, or as close as it ever gets.
I let out a huge sigh of relief, realizing that I had begun to sweat. And when my eyes refocus on what's in front of me, I see Shizune standing there, barely an inch away from me, fists clenched at her sides.
She looks like I feel. And I've never seen a girl look so helpless.
As I try to think of what to say, I remember that I still haven't really told Shizune or Misha about my condition. Maybe I was still ashamed, or embarrassed, or just couldn't find the words, just like I can't now. But I have to say something.
“[I'm okay.]”
That much she probably already knew. She manages a smile and reaches up to adjust her glasses slightly. When she does I could swear I see a hint of moisture in those cool, serious eyes, but anything that was there is gone by the time she finishes and signs to me.
“[Good. I'm sorry.]”
“[It's not your fault.]”
I'm not sure if she agrees, but she looks willing to believe it if I do. Taking a step back to fully compose herself, and she's back to the Shizune I know, cool and playful.
“[I'm glad. As I was trying to say, you would be difficult to replace.]”
“[If that's the case, I'll make an effort to stick around.]”
She gives me that smile that says I made the right move in whatever game we're playing at the moment, and looks me straight in the eye.
“[See that you do.]”
We dust ourselves off and begin to make our way back to Yamaku as the sun finally begins to sink over the horizon. As we walk together in comfortable silence, ideas begin to swim through my head. Tanabata is coming up, after all...
“You And I Both” is a song by Jason Mraz.
