Scar Tissue- A Hanako Story (Pseudo-Complete)
Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:35 pm
Worked on this for some time. I hope everyone enjoys.
Suggestions on plot and corrections on grammar and spelling appreciated.
Part 2: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 677#p88677
Part 3: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 920#p88920
Part 4: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 326#p89326
Part 5: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... =30#p89904
Part 6: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 338#p90338
Part 7: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 623#p90623
Part 8: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 088#p91088
Part 9: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 723#p91723
------------------------------
Part One
[Stride]
The living room is very quiet, painfully so. The only sound is the ticking of the clock, every click an uncomfortable shudder that runs up my back, counting down the seconds. I sit next to Lilly on the couch, holding her hands in mine. She squeezes them every so often, hard enough to turn my knuckles white, but I don't mind. I'm just as nervous as she is and I'm squeezing her fingers almost as hard.
Hisao is pacing back and forth slowly, with a look of deep concentration on his face, the same face he wears when he's answering a student's difficult question. I can tell though by the way his eyes shrink to tiny dots and his forehead crinkles over his nose that he's just as impatient as the two of us are, maybe even more so. He's worried and scared, though he would never want us to know how upset he really is.
He's holding in his hands the cause of why we're all sitting around in uncomfortable silence. That tiny, white plastic stick, like so many others that have been used and thrown away is the reason we're all sitting here quietly waiting for the recommended time to lapse.
“Hisao, what does it say?” Lilly asks, her voice shaking.
I squeeze her hands tightly, trying to lend her whatever strength I have.
Hisao turns to us, his eyes flashing down to the object in his hands.
“I'm sorry, Lilly, but it hasn't even been the full two minutes yet.“
Lilly sighs, her pale shoulders slumping.
“It seems like it's been much longer than that....”
I try to smile and put an arm around her, holding her close to me.
“It'll be okay. I'm sure we'll have good news this time. You'll see.“
Lilly weakly smiles, rewarding me for my efforts to cheer her up.
“Thank you, Hanako. I hope so as well.”
Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby. With all the talks you get about using protection and being safe when you're a teenager, I never thought it would be so hard for two people to have a child after they're married.
I see Hisao's eyes light up and eyebrows raise as he peers at the pregnancy test one more time. I sit up at attention, a quiver running through my heart, but then his eyes droop and his arms go limply to his side.
I sit back again, heartbroken on their behalf.
“It's negative, isn't it?” Lilly asks, sensing our disappointment, her voice barely a whisper.
Hisao drops the test into a trash can and replaces the lid, unable to look at it anymore.
“Yeah.”
He turns towards us and forces a weary smile.
“We'll have better luck next time, though.”
I know he's trying to make Lilly feel better, but I can see in his eyes the doubt and worry left unspoken, the concern he hasn't mentioned to Lilly.
He thinks it's his fault.
All those years of so many pills and medications, Hisao thinks it's his fault he can't have a child with Lilly.
Seeing the two of them like this is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I wish there was something I could do to help them except pointlessly sit here, disappointment again and again visiting the two most important people in my life.
Lilly has a tired smile on her face.
“Yes, next time,” she says wistfully.
Hisao sits on the opposite side of Lilly from me and wraps his arms around her, the three of us holding each other close together.
He touches her face with a gentleness I've come to envy.
“Hey now, it's not like we don't enjoy trying, you know? “
Lilly turns a little red and I giggle.
“No, of course not.”
Now Lilly is really red.
She's so pretty when she blushes.
“Thank you, Hanako. I know it's been hard for you as well. With me and Hisao needing so much....private time together. I hope you don't feel put out of the house because of us.“
I shake my head, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear.
“Of course not. You two deserve all the time you need. I know you'll make great parents.“
Lilly's smile is a little stronger now and she breathes a sigh of relief as she gets up from the couch.
“Well, shall we have some dinner then?” she says hastily.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” I reply.
“I could eat a horse,” Hisao says with a grin.
Lilly laughs and runs her fingers through his messy hair.
“You'll have to settle for what I cook for you. I'll start. Hanako, would you help me in a little bit?“
“Sure, Lilly.”
She exits the room leaving Hisao and me sitting on the couch. At first I feel a little awkward. Hisao sinks down into himself and into the sofa, surrounded by cushions and an air of misery. I'm not sure what to say. Lilly wants something to occupy her mind from their problems but Hisao is left alone to wallow in them.
I should do something.
I do the first thing that comes to mind.
I turn the television on and flip the channels for a while. Then I turn the volume up a little high and set the remote down so Lilly can't hear us.
I take Hisao's arm, wrap it around my shoulder and lean up against his chest.
“You okay?”
Hisao looks down at me with the sweetest, saddest eyes I can imagine and makes a pained, rumbling noise in his chest.
“It's all my fault.”
“You don't know that, Hisao,” I try to reassure him, “you're just having some bad luck. It'll happen at the right time, I know it.“
Hisao shakes his head, tightly wrapping his arm around me and letting his head rest against my hair.
I can feel his breath rustle my bangs.
“It has to be me. There isn't any other explanation. All those years of taking my medication, I never thought much about what it would do to me in the long run. A few lost night's sleep here or there, a couple of nightmares, nothing more. Now that I've finally got my condition under control, now the side effects start showing up and Lilly is the one who has to suffer for it.“
His lip twists into an ugly, self hating expression. I can't help but flinch to see that bitter look on his face.
“Lilly deserves better than this....”
I put a hand on his chest over the faded, white scar from over a decade ago. “There's nothing wrong with you or Lilly. I know you two will have a baby. You deserve one. You took care of me when I needed you and you'll have the chance to do the same for your child as well, whenever they may show up. All you need is a little patience.“
Hisao lets my words sink in for a few minutes and then he smiles at me, making my heart flutter and face warm up.
“Thank you, Hanako.”
He kisses me on the cheek just next to my lips and my skin burns where he touches me. “Me and Lilly owe you a lot.”
Tell him how much you love him. Tell him that you need him and Lilly. Tell him you'll never be able to pay them back for all that they did for you.
Tell him you want him.
“I-I know.”
I giggle weakly and wink at Hisao.
He hesitates, then smiles at me and stands from the couch, stretching as he does.
“Let's not keep Lilly waiting. I'll set the table, okay?“
“Sure Hisao. I'll be right there.”
[Painful History]
Hisao leaves me alone in the living room with the blaring television. My smile vanishes from my face as he steps out of the room.
I know I've come a long way.
I barely stutter anymore.
I can go out by myself and be perfectly fine with people looking at my scars.
I borrow Lilly's clothes and I'm not bothered in the least to show a little shoulder or leg.
I know I can be pretty.
I can look someone in the eye for a whole conversation and not flinch away.
But I still can't tell Hisao what he means to me.
I just can't say how much I love the two of them.
How can I use words, any words, to express just what I feel?
Is there some magical phrase I can use to convey just how deeply I love them?
Exactly how do I love them, anyway? What are they to me? My best friends, yes, but what else? Are they my brother and sister or something more intimate? I long for them and it's tearing me up inside to see them suffer through this.
I sigh and wipe my eyes clear.
I may not be able to put my feelings into thoughts or words, but I know that I love them more than anything in the world and I'll be here for them no matter what, the same way they were there for me.
After a few minutes, Hisao pokes his head into the living room. He looks at me curiously. “You going to join us?”
I smile and turn the television off.
“Coming, Hisao.”
----------------------------------------
Suggestions on plot and corrections on grammar and spelling appreciated.
Part 2: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 677#p88677
Part 3: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 920#p88920
Part 4: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 326#p89326
Part 5: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... =30#p89904
Part 6: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 338#p90338
Part 7: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 623#p90623
Part 8: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 088#p91088
Part 9: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 723#p91723
------------------------------
Part One
[Stride]
The living room is very quiet, painfully so. The only sound is the ticking of the clock, every click an uncomfortable shudder that runs up my back, counting down the seconds. I sit next to Lilly on the couch, holding her hands in mine. She squeezes them every so often, hard enough to turn my knuckles white, but I don't mind. I'm just as nervous as she is and I'm squeezing her fingers almost as hard.
Hisao is pacing back and forth slowly, with a look of deep concentration on his face, the same face he wears when he's answering a student's difficult question. I can tell though by the way his eyes shrink to tiny dots and his forehead crinkles over his nose that he's just as impatient as the two of us are, maybe even more so. He's worried and scared, though he would never want us to know how upset he really is.
He's holding in his hands the cause of why we're all sitting around in uncomfortable silence. That tiny, white plastic stick, like so many others that have been used and thrown away is the reason we're all sitting here quietly waiting for the recommended time to lapse.
“Hisao, what does it say?” Lilly asks, her voice shaking.
I squeeze her hands tightly, trying to lend her whatever strength I have.
Hisao turns to us, his eyes flashing down to the object in his hands.
“I'm sorry, Lilly, but it hasn't even been the full two minutes yet.“
Lilly sighs, her pale shoulders slumping.
“It seems like it's been much longer than that....”
I try to smile and put an arm around her, holding her close to me.
“It'll be okay. I'm sure we'll have good news this time. You'll see.“
Lilly weakly smiles, rewarding me for my efforts to cheer her up.
“Thank you, Hanako. I hope so as well.”
Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby. With all the talks you get about using protection and being safe when you're a teenager, I never thought it would be so hard for two people to have a child after they're married.
I see Hisao's eyes light up and eyebrows raise as he peers at the pregnancy test one more time. I sit up at attention, a quiver running through my heart, but then his eyes droop and his arms go limply to his side.
I sit back again, heartbroken on their behalf.
“It's negative, isn't it?” Lilly asks, sensing our disappointment, her voice barely a whisper.
Hisao drops the test into a trash can and replaces the lid, unable to look at it anymore.
“Yeah.”
He turns towards us and forces a weary smile.
“We'll have better luck next time, though.”
I know he's trying to make Lilly feel better, but I can see in his eyes the doubt and worry left unspoken, the concern he hasn't mentioned to Lilly.
He thinks it's his fault.
All those years of so many pills and medications, Hisao thinks it's his fault he can't have a child with Lilly.
Seeing the two of them like this is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I wish there was something I could do to help them except pointlessly sit here, disappointment again and again visiting the two most important people in my life.
Lilly has a tired smile on her face.
“Yes, next time,” she says wistfully.
Hisao sits on the opposite side of Lilly from me and wraps his arms around her, the three of us holding each other close together.
He touches her face with a gentleness I've come to envy.
“Hey now, it's not like we don't enjoy trying, you know? “
Lilly turns a little red and I giggle.
“No, of course not.”
Now Lilly is really red.
She's so pretty when she blushes.
“Thank you, Hanako. I know it's been hard for you as well. With me and Hisao needing so much....private time together. I hope you don't feel put out of the house because of us.“
I shake my head, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear.
“Of course not. You two deserve all the time you need. I know you'll make great parents.“
Lilly's smile is a little stronger now and she breathes a sigh of relief as she gets up from the couch.
“Well, shall we have some dinner then?” she says hastily.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” I reply.
“I could eat a horse,” Hisao says with a grin.
Lilly laughs and runs her fingers through his messy hair.
“You'll have to settle for what I cook for you. I'll start. Hanako, would you help me in a little bit?“
“Sure, Lilly.”
She exits the room leaving Hisao and me sitting on the couch. At first I feel a little awkward. Hisao sinks down into himself and into the sofa, surrounded by cushions and an air of misery. I'm not sure what to say. Lilly wants something to occupy her mind from their problems but Hisao is left alone to wallow in them.
I should do something.
I do the first thing that comes to mind.
I turn the television on and flip the channels for a while. Then I turn the volume up a little high and set the remote down so Lilly can't hear us.
I take Hisao's arm, wrap it around my shoulder and lean up against his chest.
“You okay?”
Hisao looks down at me with the sweetest, saddest eyes I can imagine and makes a pained, rumbling noise in his chest.
“It's all my fault.”
“You don't know that, Hisao,” I try to reassure him, “you're just having some bad luck. It'll happen at the right time, I know it.“
Hisao shakes his head, tightly wrapping his arm around me and letting his head rest against my hair.
I can feel his breath rustle my bangs.
“It has to be me. There isn't any other explanation. All those years of taking my medication, I never thought much about what it would do to me in the long run. A few lost night's sleep here or there, a couple of nightmares, nothing more. Now that I've finally got my condition under control, now the side effects start showing up and Lilly is the one who has to suffer for it.“
His lip twists into an ugly, self hating expression. I can't help but flinch to see that bitter look on his face.
“Lilly deserves better than this....”
I put a hand on his chest over the faded, white scar from over a decade ago. “There's nothing wrong with you or Lilly. I know you two will have a baby. You deserve one. You took care of me when I needed you and you'll have the chance to do the same for your child as well, whenever they may show up. All you need is a little patience.“
Hisao lets my words sink in for a few minutes and then he smiles at me, making my heart flutter and face warm up.
“Thank you, Hanako.”
He kisses me on the cheek just next to my lips and my skin burns where he touches me. “Me and Lilly owe you a lot.”
Tell him how much you love him. Tell him that you need him and Lilly. Tell him you'll never be able to pay them back for all that they did for you.
Tell him you want him.
“I-I know.”
I giggle weakly and wink at Hisao.
He hesitates, then smiles at me and stands from the couch, stretching as he does.
“Let's not keep Lilly waiting. I'll set the table, okay?“
“Sure Hisao. I'll be right there.”
[Painful History]
Hisao leaves me alone in the living room with the blaring television. My smile vanishes from my face as he steps out of the room.
I know I've come a long way.
I barely stutter anymore.
I can go out by myself and be perfectly fine with people looking at my scars.
I borrow Lilly's clothes and I'm not bothered in the least to show a little shoulder or leg.
I know I can be pretty.
I can look someone in the eye for a whole conversation and not flinch away.
But I still can't tell Hisao what he means to me.
I just can't say how much I love the two of them.
How can I use words, any words, to express just what I feel?
Is there some magical phrase I can use to convey just how deeply I love them?
Exactly how do I love them, anyway? What are they to me? My best friends, yes, but what else? Are they my brother and sister or something more intimate? I long for them and it's tearing me up inside to see them suffer through this.
I sigh and wipe my eyes clear.
I may not be able to put my feelings into thoughts or words, but I know that I love them more than anything in the world and I'll be here for them no matter what, the same way they were there for me.
After a few minutes, Hisao pokes his head into the living room. He looks at me curiously. “You going to join us?”
I smile and turn the television off.
“Coming, Hisao.”
----------------------------------------
