The Train
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 4:54 am
This is my first fanfic so I don't really know what I'm doing. It was just an idea that came to my head that I felt like writing down. I hope you somewhat enjoy it at least.
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I hardly recognized her. To be honest, I spent a good ten minutes on the train without realizing it was her until she turned around. Even after the initial double take I doubted it, and kept trying to steal some glances so she wouldn’t notice I was staring at her. It was kind of crowded in there so I’m not surprised she didn’t see me, though I wish she had.
It’s been about 6 years since I went to Yamaku, around the same time since I last saw her so I guess it’s understandable I wouldn’t recognize her or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize my awful memory. Awful for a reason though, there are several things about that period of my life I prefer not to remember. There was so much potential, but of course I screwed it all up anyways. I never was too good with women, even when they threw themselves at me. I pitied myself at the time too heavily over my condition. Maybe I’m just self absorbed.
Then out of nowhere as I’m rambling to myself, some kid probably in his mid-teens, bumped into her and she dropped her purse. He continued obliviously, without apologizing or even picking up her purse, to the front of the train.
I’m not sure if it’s my age or maybe I’m simply cynical, but I couldn’t help but notice how careless kids are these days. I don’t remember being so rude to my elders in my youth.
Regardless, as she bent down to pick up her purse she momentarily turned around. At a ground level she could only see my pants, but I’m sure she looked in this direction. If only she had looked up. Instead she collected it and resumed her initial stance holding onto the handrails.
"Please look at me," I thought to myself. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten who I am."
It would really have been hard not to recognize me. I haven’t changed at all. My hair still has its trademark cowlick, and retains its natural color. The only difference is the stubble on my face from not shaving. She on the other hand had undertaken a complete overhaul with hers. It’s much shorter now, just under shoulder length, with a dark blue hue to it; sporting a cute hairclip holding her bangs in place. It reminded me of Shizune’s hair. I wasn’t completely unexpected she did that though.
The train continued onwards as I grew restless, trying to sum up the courage to approach her. I didn’t even know how to begin a conversation with her. It had been several years since we last spoke, and it wasn’t exactly the best memory I had with her. It was the worst if anything.
Ten minutes passed with me hopelessly trying to write a script for the conversation that would take place. Hell, I would have even settled for an intro but I couldn’t plan much more than “Hey.”
My stop was coming up soon, and still I had nothing. I started to consider just giving up. It didn’t work out then, so it wouldn’t work out now. I couldn’t change anything from the past. Speaking to her might have just brought back a day that she probably didn’t even want to remember. Realistically, she’d probably already forgotten about me. We were just teenagers in high school.
Approaching my stop I completely gave up and gathered my things to leave the train. Moment’s like those I wished I had taken notes from Emi on how to be more outgoing. I may not have known her for long, but that was a girl with energy that emanated off her persona the second you met her. I was always so lazy, and still am.
As I got up to exit the train I noticed she was doing the same.
“Why is she getting off here?” I said to myself, starting to panic. “Why is she here anyways?” The possibilities ran through my head without producing any believable options.
Last I heard of her she had left to country for her career. It may have been teaching internationally, but I couldn’t recall. I didn’t even want to recall.
I swiftly squeezed myself through the doors as soon as they opened, trying to avoid any confrontation. I changed my mind; I didn’t want to talk to her.
Just seeing her brought back the memories I tried so hard to repress. The girls I met at Yamaku all flooded back into my memory as vividly as if I had seen them yesterday. I still remembered their subtle nuances, the one’s that made them so unique, and then it all came back to me.
“What if I hadn’t screwed it all up? What if instead of brushing her off the way I did, I showed some true sincerity and selflessness? What if I had just tried? Would things be different? Would we be together to this day?”
My mind was racing, and I became desperate to get outside for some air and escape the station. I assumed a brisk pace and cleared my way through to the exit. I didn’t look back to see if she followed. I didn’t want to look back. It was all behind me now.
Once outside I found a nearby bench and took a seat. I was so out of shape my heart started giving me trouble even after a short speed walk. A mix of that with what just transpired in the train left me shaking with nerves. I hung my head in self loathing, as I realized how pathetic I really was. Just as I was ready to break down and cry a woman took a seat next to me.
“H-Hisao?” she asked with a timid uncertainty.
I turned to look at her and I thought I was going to have another heart attack on the spot. She was even more beautiful up close. Her eyes were deep and her complexion fair. She had matured well over the years, which only made me feel worse about my mistakes. I froze at first, trying to piece together a sentence. That whole time preparing on the train led to nothing because in this moment the only thing I could do was fixate myself in her eyes.
Finally I opened my mouth.
“Iwanako…”
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I hardly recognized her. To be honest, I spent a good ten minutes on the train without realizing it was her until she turned around. Even after the initial double take I doubted it, and kept trying to steal some glances so she wouldn’t notice I was staring at her. It was kind of crowded in there so I’m not surprised she didn’t see me, though I wish she had.
It’s been about 6 years since I went to Yamaku, around the same time since I last saw her so I guess it’s understandable I wouldn’t recognize her or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize my awful memory. Awful for a reason though, there are several things about that period of my life I prefer not to remember. There was so much potential, but of course I screwed it all up anyways. I never was too good with women, even when they threw themselves at me. I pitied myself at the time too heavily over my condition. Maybe I’m just self absorbed.
Then out of nowhere as I’m rambling to myself, some kid probably in his mid-teens, bumped into her and she dropped her purse. He continued obliviously, without apologizing or even picking up her purse, to the front of the train.
I’m not sure if it’s my age or maybe I’m simply cynical, but I couldn’t help but notice how careless kids are these days. I don’t remember being so rude to my elders in my youth.
Regardless, as she bent down to pick up her purse she momentarily turned around. At a ground level she could only see my pants, but I’m sure she looked in this direction. If only she had looked up. Instead she collected it and resumed her initial stance holding onto the handrails.
"Please look at me," I thought to myself. "Don't tell me you've already forgotten who I am."
It would really have been hard not to recognize me. I haven’t changed at all. My hair still has its trademark cowlick, and retains its natural color. The only difference is the stubble on my face from not shaving. She on the other hand had undertaken a complete overhaul with hers. It’s much shorter now, just under shoulder length, with a dark blue hue to it; sporting a cute hairclip holding her bangs in place. It reminded me of Shizune’s hair. I wasn’t completely unexpected she did that though.
The train continued onwards as I grew restless, trying to sum up the courage to approach her. I didn’t even know how to begin a conversation with her. It had been several years since we last spoke, and it wasn’t exactly the best memory I had with her. It was the worst if anything.
Ten minutes passed with me hopelessly trying to write a script for the conversation that would take place. Hell, I would have even settled for an intro but I couldn’t plan much more than “Hey.”
My stop was coming up soon, and still I had nothing. I started to consider just giving up. It didn’t work out then, so it wouldn’t work out now. I couldn’t change anything from the past. Speaking to her might have just brought back a day that she probably didn’t even want to remember. Realistically, she’d probably already forgotten about me. We were just teenagers in high school.
Approaching my stop I completely gave up and gathered my things to leave the train. Moment’s like those I wished I had taken notes from Emi on how to be more outgoing. I may not have known her for long, but that was a girl with energy that emanated off her persona the second you met her. I was always so lazy, and still am.
As I got up to exit the train I noticed she was doing the same.
“Why is she getting off here?” I said to myself, starting to panic. “Why is she here anyways?” The possibilities ran through my head without producing any believable options.
Last I heard of her she had left to country for her career. It may have been teaching internationally, but I couldn’t recall. I didn’t even want to recall.
I swiftly squeezed myself through the doors as soon as they opened, trying to avoid any confrontation. I changed my mind; I didn’t want to talk to her.
Just seeing her brought back the memories I tried so hard to repress. The girls I met at Yamaku all flooded back into my memory as vividly as if I had seen them yesterday. I still remembered their subtle nuances, the one’s that made them so unique, and then it all came back to me.
“What if I hadn’t screwed it all up? What if instead of brushing her off the way I did, I showed some true sincerity and selflessness? What if I had just tried? Would things be different? Would we be together to this day?”
My mind was racing, and I became desperate to get outside for some air and escape the station. I assumed a brisk pace and cleared my way through to the exit. I didn’t look back to see if she followed. I didn’t want to look back. It was all behind me now.
Once outside I found a nearby bench and took a seat. I was so out of shape my heart started giving me trouble even after a short speed walk. A mix of that with what just transpired in the train left me shaking with nerves. I hung my head in self loathing, as I realized how pathetic I really was. Just as I was ready to break down and cry a woman took a seat next to me.
“H-Hisao?” she asked with a timid uncertainty.
I turned to look at her and I thought I was going to have another heart attack on the spot. She was even more beautiful up close. Her eyes were deep and her complexion fair. She had matured well over the years, which only made me feel worse about my mistakes. I froze at first, trying to piece together a sentence. That whole time preparing on the train led to nothing because in this moment the only thing I could do was fixate myself in her eyes.
Finally I opened my mouth.
“Iwanako…”
