Amendments (Complete)
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 3:20 am
(Whilst I am working on continuing my OC story, this one randomly came out of nowhere. If this is deemed good enough, I might continue this.)
Amongst your worst enemies, there will always be at least one ally.
She could count on one hand how many times she has already been up there, but every single time was always with Lilly. Her dorm room seemed unappealing today, the library was closed, and with her best friend being to strained with class representative duties to have any free time, Hanako found herself slowly walking up the cold, long steps to the rooftop. She had nothing else with her other then a book she was reading, just checked out of the library the day before. Perhaps some fresh air while reading would be a nice change of environment; a crisp, late spring atmosphere while reading a book upon a rooftop seemed inviting. It also seemed to be mostly deserted from all the other times she was there with Lilly, save for Rin and Emi during lunch time, so she could, one again, be alone and at peace.
Even with this logical thinking behind her, her hand was shaking as she reached for the doorknob. What if someone was up here, doing something because they thought the same as her? There was only one way to know. With a grip, the handle turned and slowly opened the door with a small amount of force. The sudden gush of air makes her yelp softly and clutch herself, trying to hide her scars from anyone that was up there, if there was anyone up there. After a few seconds, something took her sight by surprise.
She wasn't alone on the rooftop, but the person there was someone she knew all to well, except she was a lot different then what she used to be. For one, her normal, cheery and energetic expression was replaced with one of sadness and sorrow.
Secondly, she now noticed that her drills were gone.
"M-m-misha?"
Out of all the people that could be on the rooftop at this moment, she didn't expect her to be alone. Normally she would be with Shizune, much like Hanako herself was with Lilly.
"Oh, I thought someone was behind me, but I didn't think it would be you, Hanako. You surprised me~." A brief silence passes as both debate on continuing the conversation, with Misha taking the initiative in the end. "Where's Lilly?"
"She... h-has work to do. I-I thought the r-roof would be... empty..."
"Wahahah~. I guess it isn't now."
As if her expression wasn't enough, her tone also emits a tone of sorrow despite her choice of words. Hanako's feet feel pinned to the ground in a conflict between leaving and seeing whats wrong with her.
"Wh... where's Shizune?"
"i dunno~, but I don't want to talk to her anyway. Not right now."
"Wh-why?"
Another silence follows. Hanako quickly makes point that Misha doesn't want to talk about it, but her feet still feel pinned down. After what seems like minute and a day of waiting, Hanako decides to make way and begins to slowly close the roof door, having not entered the rooftop fully at that time.
"Wait."
She stops with Misha looking directly at her with her cheeks a tint of red. Has she been crying or holding it in?
"I'll tell you, but promise not to tell anyone, okay?"
Another dilemma rises. Even though a part of Hanako wants to keep going, Misha looks really, really sad, something she never expected to see from her. There's another pause until she reaches a conclusion.
"O-okay..."
All the while questioning to herself what she's getting into, Misha begins to speak up.
"You know how Hicchan and Shicchan are going out, right? Well~, with graduation coming up soon, I've wanted to spend more time with Shicchan, but she's been to busy with trying to get a president for Student Council elected and spending her time with Hicchan that we just end up fighting! I don't like it, and I want it to stop." She takes a moment to collect herself before speaking up again, with Hanako's feet feeling pinned again.
"I like Shicchan."
"W-well... y-yeah..."
Hanako's eyes dart around the ground trying to find something to say, but Misha interrupts her.
"I don't think you get it. I mean I like Shicchan the same way Hicchan does."
This freezes what was left of Hanako up, and frozen in shock, locks gazes with Misha.
"I want her to be my girlfriend."
"...Oh..."
Words fail her again, and Misha continues.
"I didn't need to come to this school, you know. I don't have a condition, I was just learning sign language and this place seemed interesting enough. I didn't want to come at first, but eventually I did~. Even if everyone hated me for not being one of them, I wouldn't care because then I could be alone. Maybe it would have been easier if it was that way, but I of course found Shicchan~. She was trying so hard to get people onto the student council because it was just her and Lilly back then, and she also knew I was learning sign language. So~, she came to me."
Misha closes her eyes, and all Hanako can do is listen with her body frozen and her ears keeping attention like she was listening to an audio book.
"I was bad at sign language back then, so I thought she was mocking me. So~! I tried harder to learn sign language and later found out that wasn't the case. I slowly fell in love with her, and one day, I just told her. I told Shicchan I loved her. It was in the student council room, just us two. The sun was setting too~, like it is now. Shicchan was working while I was looking out the window. I sometimes had these dreams of Shicchan just working all alone in the student office, all by herself, lonely and sad. Maybe I wanted it to be that way so I could be there for her, and maybe she could like me too for that. Wahaha~, that was long ago. But~! I did it. I confessed to her."
Her eyes are watery as she opens them again.
"I was rejected, of course. You might not remember me acting like this a long~ time ago, but it was because Shicchan kept coming after me. I was angry at her, and when I asked her why she was doing it, she said it was because I was her friend."
Misha pauses to wipe the tears in her eyes, an action Hanako sees, still frozen in place.
"That comment made me both happy and sad, and so I decided to stay with her. But even so, that still hurts me, even now..."
"W-why are y-you... t-telling me t-this?"
Compared to the confessor, Hanako is beginning to shake, one hand on the door and the other on the doorway.
"Because~... I don't hate you. Even if you're with Lilly most of the time, and Shicchan really, really~ dislikes her, that doesn't mean I dislike you because I'm her friend. That would be mean if I did, huh? It would make me and Shicchan look like bullies."
Hanako pauses at this, because it makes sense. Every time they ever talked, it was her translating what Shizune was saying through sign language. Any time Misha ever talked her own voice, it was usually quick or just laughter at the situation.
"B-but still..."
"Hanachan, if you don't mind me calling you that, I want to stop hating people. I thought I was beginning to hate Hicchan because he has Shicchan, but I don't want to hate anyone anymore because I don't want to think of loosing anyone. But~! I already have, so it's pointless now. So, now I've just been wondering... would things have gone better in the end if I had just died instead?"
"MISHA!!!"
As Misha recoils from leaning back up against the fence from the yell, Hanako recomposes herself back to her more common form.
"D-don't... please. n-not now. I-if you did, I-I don't think I c-could l-live with m-myself."
Misha takes a second to think about this, then sighs.
"Yea, you're probably right Hanachan."
"I-It's just that..."
Hanako finally breaks from her frozen body and turns her head to her right, concealing her scars behind the doorway and the shadows of the school itself. It takes her a while to speak up again.
"I... I've t-thought about... s-suicide too..."
"Wha~?"
She looks like she's personally breaking her own rules here, but Misha does nothing to stop her like she did for her.
"I w-was bullied a lot in school... a-and nobody ever took me up for adoption... b-both because of my scars..."
Now it's her turn for her eyes to water. Misha rises from the bench.
"S-so I thought t-that I was... j-just a b-b-burden on everyone... s-so it w-would b-be easier... if I n-never existed..."
Hanako takes no action as Misha begins to approach her, probably either because she doesn't notice, or she's too drowned out in her own grief with tears running down her face.
"S-s-so... I w-wanted to k-kill m-myself too, a-at one p-point..."
"Hanachan..."
Hanako shakes her head, making Misha stop in her tracks.
"Y-you told me e-everything about w-whats going on w-with you... so I w-want to say something too..."
"You don't need to, though. Hanachan, I don't want to see you like this knowing it was my fault~."
Misha closes the gap between the two and takes Hanako's left hand in her right, causing Hanako to flinch in the process.
"I didn't know we were so alike. Maybe that's another reason why I never hated you; I could see Shiina in you."
"S-Shiina?"
"Oh, wahaha~. I didn't tell you. That's what I call my older self, before I became Misha."
"But... you are Shiina..."
"Yeah, I know. Especially right now I am Shiina, because Shiina was bullied a lot too and got sad easily."
Hanako's eyes widen a bit as Misha further explains.
"It was all because I was more open to saying I was gay back then~. But nobody ever took it seriously and just teased me on it. That was another reason I came to Yamaku, for a chance to start things over, and even if people still somehow hated me, I wouldn't mind because it would be more of the same."
"T-thats a reason... I-I came to..."
Hanako manages a light smile out of the situation, and relaxes a bit. Misha smiles a bit as well.
"But~ I found Shicchan and you found Lilly, right?"
She nods at her question, but Misha sighs and her smile disappears quickly.
"Shicchan has Hicchan to spend time with now~... at least you still have Lilly."
Now Hanako's smile vanishes as she looks away. She tries to get her hand out of Misha's, but she is quick to hold onto her.
"Hanachan, is there a problem?"
She shakes her head.
"You're not convincing, Hanachan. Does it need to do with Lilly?"
Hanako takes a long pause before speaking up again, very softly at that.
"Lilly... is going to Inverness after g-graduation... t-to Scotland with her family... and she's l-leaving me behind..."
The last bit of information is all it takes for Hanako to completely break down into tears, falling to her knees. Misha, this time, is the one frozen.
"I-I knew t-this w-would happen... s-she doesn't care a-about me... a-anymore... s-so she's t-throwing me away l-like everyone else h-has done!"
Misha suddenly goes weak in the legs and falls to her knees as well. It isn't long before they draw each other into a hug; Misha out of caring, and Hanako out of desperation. Hanako sobs into Misha's shoulder while clutching at her back.
"I'm n-not worth a-anything to a-anyone anymore... n-now with L-Lilly going s-soon... n-nothing will make a difference... I-i should have c-completely g-given up on f-friendship..."
"Hanachan, please don't cry... knowing I made you do this hurts~."
Her request is drowned out in Hanako's sorrowful sobs, and it isn't long until Misha begins to cry herself.
"I don't wana be alone either, Hanachan~."
For the next five minutes, they sat speechless in each other's embrace, just crying into each other's shoulders out of their own personal sorrows and sufferings. For what each of them had bottled up for so long, they now had the opportunity to let it loose, seeing now how much alike Misha and Hanako were. Finally, Misha speaks up,
"Maybe we can be friends together, Hanachan~."
"Huh...?"
Misha draws away from the hug and takes Hanako's right, scarred hand, which she doesn't mind at this point.
"If we both know what it's like to be rejected and pushed away, maybe we can both acknowledge that it's a terrible thing and promise to never do it to each other."
Misha tries to look straight at Hanako, but her face is angled downward like it commonly is.
"I... I d-don't want to b-be a burden to a-anyone..."
"You're not going to be a burden to me if I know how to treat you, right?"
The statement regains Hanako's full attention.
"I'm guessing I'm the only one you've told this too, about your real feelings since they would hurt Lilly, and because I just did the same to you. So~, since we both know each other a bit better now, maybe we can try to be friends this time."
Hanako takes some time to really think over this.
"W-what about Shizune and Lilly?"
"They have their own plans with their own people, remember? Together, just you and me, maybe we won't need them anymore after some time. That's the purpose, right, because they're leaving us? We can slowly learn about each other day-by-day if it fits you better."
Slowly, Hanako regains her smile.
"P-promise?"
Misha smiles too, and shakes her hand.
"I promise, Hanachan. No more being rejected, pushed away or used."
After a pause, Hanako takes a deep breath of relief.
"So... I guess this is a mend to all of that, huh?"
The old Misha comes back.
"Yea! Wahahahaha~! I guess so. It would be an... a-mend-me-nt?"
Hanako giggles softly.
"Yes. An amendment, although it's more used for changes in legal documentations."
"Legal what?"
Amongst your worst enemies, there will always be at least one ally.
She could count on one hand how many times she has already been up there, but every single time was always with Lilly. Her dorm room seemed unappealing today, the library was closed, and with her best friend being to strained with class representative duties to have any free time, Hanako found herself slowly walking up the cold, long steps to the rooftop. She had nothing else with her other then a book she was reading, just checked out of the library the day before. Perhaps some fresh air while reading would be a nice change of environment; a crisp, late spring atmosphere while reading a book upon a rooftop seemed inviting. It also seemed to be mostly deserted from all the other times she was there with Lilly, save for Rin and Emi during lunch time, so she could, one again, be alone and at peace.
Even with this logical thinking behind her, her hand was shaking as she reached for the doorknob. What if someone was up here, doing something because they thought the same as her? There was only one way to know. With a grip, the handle turned and slowly opened the door with a small amount of force. The sudden gush of air makes her yelp softly and clutch herself, trying to hide her scars from anyone that was up there, if there was anyone up there. After a few seconds, something took her sight by surprise.
She wasn't alone on the rooftop, but the person there was someone she knew all to well, except she was a lot different then what she used to be. For one, her normal, cheery and energetic expression was replaced with one of sadness and sorrow.
Secondly, she now noticed that her drills were gone.
"M-m-misha?"
Out of all the people that could be on the rooftop at this moment, she didn't expect her to be alone. Normally she would be with Shizune, much like Hanako herself was with Lilly.
"Oh, I thought someone was behind me, but I didn't think it would be you, Hanako. You surprised me~." A brief silence passes as both debate on continuing the conversation, with Misha taking the initiative in the end. "Where's Lilly?"
"She... h-has work to do. I-I thought the r-roof would be... empty..."
"Wahahah~. I guess it isn't now."
As if her expression wasn't enough, her tone also emits a tone of sorrow despite her choice of words. Hanako's feet feel pinned to the ground in a conflict between leaving and seeing whats wrong with her.
"Wh... where's Shizune?"
"i dunno~, but I don't want to talk to her anyway. Not right now."
"Wh-why?"
Another silence follows. Hanako quickly makes point that Misha doesn't want to talk about it, but her feet still feel pinned down. After what seems like minute and a day of waiting, Hanako decides to make way and begins to slowly close the roof door, having not entered the rooftop fully at that time.
"Wait."
She stops with Misha looking directly at her with her cheeks a tint of red. Has she been crying or holding it in?
"I'll tell you, but promise not to tell anyone, okay?"
Another dilemma rises. Even though a part of Hanako wants to keep going, Misha looks really, really sad, something she never expected to see from her. There's another pause until she reaches a conclusion.
"O-okay..."
All the while questioning to herself what she's getting into, Misha begins to speak up.
"You know how Hicchan and Shicchan are going out, right? Well~, with graduation coming up soon, I've wanted to spend more time with Shicchan, but she's been to busy with trying to get a president for Student Council elected and spending her time with Hicchan that we just end up fighting! I don't like it, and I want it to stop." She takes a moment to collect herself before speaking up again, with Hanako's feet feeling pinned again.
"I like Shicchan."
"W-well... y-yeah..."
Hanako's eyes dart around the ground trying to find something to say, but Misha interrupts her.
"I don't think you get it. I mean I like Shicchan the same way Hicchan does."
This freezes what was left of Hanako up, and frozen in shock, locks gazes with Misha.
"I want her to be my girlfriend."
"...Oh..."
Words fail her again, and Misha continues.
"I didn't need to come to this school, you know. I don't have a condition, I was just learning sign language and this place seemed interesting enough. I didn't want to come at first, but eventually I did~. Even if everyone hated me for not being one of them, I wouldn't care because then I could be alone. Maybe it would have been easier if it was that way, but I of course found Shicchan~. She was trying so hard to get people onto the student council because it was just her and Lilly back then, and she also knew I was learning sign language. So~, she came to me."
Misha closes her eyes, and all Hanako can do is listen with her body frozen and her ears keeping attention like she was listening to an audio book.
"I was bad at sign language back then, so I thought she was mocking me. So~! I tried harder to learn sign language and later found out that wasn't the case. I slowly fell in love with her, and one day, I just told her. I told Shicchan I loved her. It was in the student council room, just us two. The sun was setting too~, like it is now. Shicchan was working while I was looking out the window. I sometimes had these dreams of Shicchan just working all alone in the student office, all by herself, lonely and sad. Maybe I wanted it to be that way so I could be there for her, and maybe she could like me too for that. Wahaha~, that was long ago. But~! I did it. I confessed to her."
Her eyes are watery as she opens them again.
"I was rejected, of course. You might not remember me acting like this a long~ time ago, but it was because Shicchan kept coming after me. I was angry at her, and when I asked her why she was doing it, she said it was because I was her friend."
Misha pauses to wipe the tears in her eyes, an action Hanako sees, still frozen in place.
"That comment made me both happy and sad, and so I decided to stay with her. But even so, that still hurts me, even now..."
"W-why are y-you... t-telling me t-this?"
Compared to the confessor, Hanako is beginning to shake, one hand on the door and the other on the doorway.
"Because~... I don't hate you. Even if you're with Lilly most of the time, and Shicchan really, really~ dislikes her, that doesn't mean I dislike you because I'm her friend. That would be mean if I did, huh? It would make me and Shicchan look like bullies."
Hanako pauses at this, because it makes sense. Every time they ever talked, it was her translating what Shizune was saying through sign language. Any time Misha ever talked her own voice, it was usually quick or just laughter at the situation.
"B-but still..."
"Hanachan, if you don't mind me calling you that, I want to stop hating people. I thought I was beginning to hate Hicchan because he has Shicchan, but I don't want to hate anyone anymore because I don't want to think of loosing anyone. But~! I already have, so it's pointless now. So, now I've just been wondering... would things have gone better in the end if I had just died instead?"
"MISHA!!!"
As Misha recoils from leaning back up against the fence from the yell, Hanako recomposes herself back to her more common form.
"D-don't... please. n-not now. I-if you did, I-I don't think I c-could l-live with m-myself."
Misha takes a second to think about this, then sighs.
"Yea, you're probably right Hanachan."
"I-It's just that..."
Hanako finally breaks from her frozen body and turns her head to her right, concealing her scars behind the doorway and the shadows of the school itself. It takes her a while to speak up again.
"I... I've t-thought about... s-suicide too..."
"Wha~?"
She looks like she's personally breaking her own rules here, but Misha does nothing to stop her like she did for her.
"I w-was bullied a lot in school... a-and nobody ever took me up for adoption... b-both because of my scars..."
Now it's her turn for her eyes to water. Misha rises from the bench.
"S-so I thought t-that I was... j-just a b-b-burden on everyone... s-so it w-would b-be easier... if I n-never existed..."
Hanako takes no action as Misha begins to approach her, probably either because she doesn't notice, or she's too drowned out in her own grief with tears running down her face.
"S-s-so... I w-wanted to k-kill m-myself too, a-at one p-point..."
"Hanachan..."
Hanako shakes her head, making Misha stop in her tracks.
"Y-you told me e-everything about w-whats going on w-with you... so I w-want to say something too..."
"You don't need to, though. Hanachan, I don't want to see you like this knowing it was my fault~."
Misha closes the gap between the two and takes Hanako's left hand in her right, causing Hanako to flinch in the process.
"I didn't know we were so alike. Maybe that's another reason why I never hated you; I could see Shiina in you."
"S-Shiina?"
"Oh, wahaha~. I didn't tell you. That's what I call my older self, before I became Misha."
"But... you are Shiina..."
"Yeah, I know. Especially right now I am Shiina, because Shiina was bullied a lot too and got sad easily."
Hanako's eyes widen a bit as Misha further explains.
"It was all because I was more open to saying I was gay back then~. But nobody ever took it seriously and just teased me on it. That was another reason I came to Yamaku, for a chance to start things over, and even if people still somehow hated me, I wouldn't mind because it would be more of the same."
"T-thats a reason... I-I came to..."
Hanako manages a light smile out of the situation, and relaxes a bit. Misha smiles a bit as well.
"But~ I found Shicchan and you found Lilly, right?"
She nods at her question, but Misha sighs and her smile disappears quickly.
"Shicchan has Hicchan to spend time with now~... at least you still have Lilly."
Now Hanako's smile vanishes as she looks away. She tries to get her hand out of Misha's, but she is quick to hold onto her.
"Hanachan, is there a problem?"
She shakes her head.
"You're not convincing, Hanachan. Does it need to do with Lilly?"
Hanako takes a long pause before speaking up again, very softly at that.
"Lilly... is going to Inverness after g-graduation... t-to Scotland with her family... and she's l-leaving me behind..."
The last bit of information is all it takes for Hanako to completely break down into tears, falling to her knees. Misha, this time, is the one frozen.
"I-I knew t-this w-would happen... s-she doesn't care a-about me... a-anymore... s-so she's t-throwing me away l-like everyone else h-has done!"
Misha suddenly goes weak in the legs and falls to her knees as well. It isn't long before they draw each other into a hug; Misha out of caring, and Hanako out of desperation. Hanako sobs into Misha's shoulder while clutching at her back.
"I'm n-not worth a-anything to a-anyone anymore... n-now with L-Lilly going s-soon... n-nothing will make a difference... I-i should have c-completely g-given up on f-friendship..."
"Hanachan, please don't cry... knowing I made you do this hurts~."
Her request is drowned out in Hanako's sorrowful sobs, and it isn't long until Misha begins to cry herself.
"I don't wana be alone either, Hanachan~."
For the next five minutes, they sat speechless in each other's embrace, just crying into each other's shoulders out of their own personal sorrows and sufferings. For what each of them had bottled up for so long, they now had the opportunity to let it loose, seeing now how much alike Misha and Hanako were. Finally, Misha speaks up,
"Maybe we can be friends together, Hanachan~."
"Huh...?"
Misha draws away from the hug and takes Hanako's right, scarred hand, which she doesn't mind at this point.
"If we both know what it's like to be rejected and pushed away, maybe we can both acknowledge that it's a terrible thing and promise to never do it to each other."
Misha tries to look straight at Hanako, but her face is angled downward like it commonly is.
"I... I d-don't want to b-be a burden to a-anyone..."
"You're not going to be a burden to me if I know how to treat you, right?"
The statement regains Hanako's full attention.
"I'm guessing I'm the only one you've told this too, about your real feelings since they would hurt Lilly, and because I just did the same to you. So~, since we both know each other a bit better now, maybe we can try to be friends this time."
Hanako takes some time to really think over this.
"W-what about Shizune and Lilly?"
"They have their own plans with their own people, remember? Together, just you and me, maybe we won't need them anymore after some time. That's the purpose, right, because they're leaving us? We can slowly learn about each other day-by-day if it fits you better."
Slowly, Hanako regains her smile.
"P-promise?"
Misha smiles too, and shakes her hand.
"I promise, Hanachan. No more being rejected, pushed away or used."
After a pause, Hanako takes a deep breath of relief.
"So... I guess this is a mend to all of that, huh?"
The old Misha comes back.
"Yea! Wahahahaha~! I guess so. It would be an... a-mend-me-nt?"
Hanako giggles softly.
"Yes. An amendment, although it's more used for changes in legal documentations."
"Legal what?"