Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Gandara]

'My Girl'

What the hell. I'm only two chapters in and already SO MANY FEELS.

AND I just watched "5 Centimeters a Second" (thanks, Other Media that Gave You 'The Feels' thread). What a depressing day.

I think I'll be all right.

I don't just think you'll be alright, I know you will. You've lived a hell of a tough life... and you still made it out the other side. You've got a strong spirit in you, and it will continue to serve you well in your life. Times can be rough, but I know that you've got the strength to make it through the bad times and come out even stronger on the other side.

[Kutagh]

Sorry Gandara... But I guess you get why I recommended it to him? It starts mainly depressing and then focuses more on how to live after such events, more a happier tone while still showing the struggle behind it.

[Gandara]

Sorry Gandara...

Nah, I'm not actually chastising you. I bookmarked it to continue reading later. It's quite good just with the little I read.

[Xiious]

I like it.

Sometimes though I feel like Crona, not knowing how to deal with anything.

[Gandara]

Sometimes though I feel like Crona, not knowing how to deal with anything.

Nobody always has all the answers. Life can be confusing sometimes, and it can be frustrating when you don't know the best path to take.

Sometimes, though, you have to take chances. You have to do things out of the norm, things that don't feel like the safest thing to do. You have to roll the dice and hope for the best. It won't always work out the way you want it to, but at least you tried. And who knows - maybe that chance you took will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Perseverance is key. Always keep moving forward, no matter what.

[Kutagh]

Sometimes though I feel like Crona, not knowing how to deal with anything.

Nobody always has all the answers. Life can be confusing sometimes, and it can be frustrating when you don't know the best path to take.

Sometimes, though, you have to take chances. You have to do things out of the norm, things that don't feel like the safest thing to do. You have to roll the dice and hope for the best. It won't always work out the way you want it to, but at least you tried. And who knows - maybe that chance you took will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.

Perseverance is key. Always keep moving forward, no matter what.

Exactly. For example, I don't know if I'm ever seriously going to use Sign Language or whether it is just gonna be something that I should know because I'm Deaf. I'm not even guaranteed a spot for that minor (they *expect* to have enough room for me but they can't guarantee it). I'm simply rolling the dice and going for it. All I know is that I have this opportunity and that for me it is either choosing more programming subjects, mayhap choose some business/economic subjects or Sign Language and I think Sign Language is simply giving me a whole different dimension to my skillset. If I'd pick 3D modeling it'd make me more desirable in the average indie game development company but it's not my passion (I'd rather program). I'm willing to take the risk that my skillset might not be perfectly geared towards the game development industry... But I don't care, I'd rather be unique and move forward in my own way.

Or perhaps the fact that I haven't been sent to a Deaf school when my parents found out that I was Deaf and not just Hard of Hearing... They rolled the dice and while I didn't quite enjoy my time on school till I arrived on University, I feel like I landed on a position in my life that I enjoy. And knowing my current situation, I wouldn't have changed that decision even if I could. While I might have enjoyed my time better on a Deaf school, I'd have a lot less contact with my parents (Deaf schools aren't exactly everywhere...) and my education might not have been as good, plus the fact that it is a much bigger gap from a Deaf school to University (not even knowing interpreters that interpret to written text, which is IMO much better for colleges as it doesn't require my focus all the time). Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference... But we don't know, my parents rolled the dice over 15 years ago and I'm currently content with the outcome. It could be better and I won't mind to take the chance to improve it when the chance appears but I'm not complaining about my current situation.

[Xiious]

Truth be told, I guess I still have to tell you all sooner or later.

Even with all the support and friendship I've been receiving, as well as the amazing things one of you has done for a complete stranger.... well, there are different interpretations of how I feel right now.

"Do you want to know where the real hell is hiding? It's inside your head." From Crona. Obviously this is self-explanatory.

"If, even after this battle, they tell me I can live on, I'll go and buy a small mirror somewhere, and practice smiling. If they tell me that I can live without hurting anyone else, I'll let my hair sway in the wind, take a giant step onto the earth. I want to live to say my thanks... I want to live to give so many feelings to people... I want to live.... I wish I didn't realize I had feelings like this!" Anemone.

I'm in a circle....alone. And even though I really appreciate everyone's help and support, I still feel just as alone as ever.

:'( I'm sorry!

[Gandara]

... I still feel just as alone as ever.

I want to point something out to you real quick:

Your original story post.

This was on page 39 of this thread, which seems like a really long time ago. However, the post date is marked "Thu May 24, 2012 3:39 am".

That was less than four weeks ago. I know the healing process hurts like a bitch, and feels like it takes forever... but you have to give it more time, man. Don't rush things so much. You're talking about still feeling alone, when it was not even a month ago that you even took the time to share your story and truly come to terms with your past. It was not even a month ago that you decided to pull yourself out of your funk and start progressing with your life. This path isn't easy, and it's not going to be easy. It's going to take time, and dedication, and perseverance. But you will be rewarded in the end... you just have to be a little more patient.

[Kutagh]

Truth be told, I guess I still have to tell you all sooner or later.

Even with all the support and friendship I've been receiving, as well as the amazing things one of you has done for a complete stranger.... well, there are different interpretations of how I feel right now.

"Do you want to know where the real hell is hiding? It's inside your head." From Crona. Obviously this is self-explanatory.

"If, even after this battle, they tell me I can live on, I'll go and buy a small mirror somewhere, and practice smiling. If they tell me that I can live without hurting anyone else, I'll let my hair sway in the wind, take a giant step onto the earth. I want to live to say my thanks... I want to live to give so many feelings to people... I want to live.... I wish I didn't realize I had feelings like this!" Anemone.

I'm in a circle....alone. And even though I really appreciate everyone's help and support, I still feel just as alone as ever.

:'( I'm sorry!

Recognizing and accepting your own feelings is the first step. Nothing is wrong with knowing that your feelings haven't changed yet. But you have to be honest to yourself as well and figure out what you want (to change or to do). Only then you can break that circle.
Anyway I'm confident that you'll land on your feet someday. It doesn't have to be today, it doesn't have to be tomorrow but it is there, in the near future.

[Xiious]

My mind is spiralling everywhere right now.... I don't know how to deal with any of this...The memories that have surfaced... They are screwing with my head right now and I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it right now.....

[ArazelEternal]

My mind is spiralling everywhere right now.... I don't know how to deal with any of this...The memories that have surfaced... They are screwing with my head right now and I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it right now.....

You will deal, man. You will. It may not feel like it right now, but you will in one way or another. You've already been through so much, and if you couldn't deal with it, you would have given up a long time ago. Just take a few deep breaths and try to sort your thoughts. Maybe even play some soft music.

[Xiious]

I can't deal with my emotions the way I have before. That turned me into someone I'm not.

[ArazelEternal]

Then do your best to find new ways to deal with them. There are many different ways to deal with emotions, you just have to try.

Im sorry, I wish I could say more and suggest better things. However, Ive never delt with anything that you are having to deal with.

[Nyzer]

I'd go take a long, warm shower, and if you feel that the resurgence of memories we've brought on is overwhelming, then, cry if you need to. The shower is certainly a good place for that. Even if not I find it a good place to just sit or lay down and think.

If you feel up to it, send a text or email or something to that friend of yours, as well. Talk to her a bit about how you're feeling.

[Xiious]

If I wasn't at a computer, I'd be sitting in corner listening to the most depressing music I know.

I don't know what to try.... I'm completely lost in my head right now.... I really think I shouldn't be talking to anyone... My phone's been ringing but I haven't been answering...

I can't cry.... the tears just won't come... All I can do is sit in pain and wait...