Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Kouryuu]

I just spent an hour and a half writing up my reply to everyone (I write the reply as I read the posts and I'm a slow reader) and my PC bluescreen'd, losing everything I wrote (I copied it as I went along incase chrome crashed).

I will re-write it all later when I calmed down a bit.

EDIT: I'll start writing in wordpad and saving then atleast that saves me from BSoDs.

[KryingPhoenix]

KryingPhoenix, to drive the nail a bit further, it's not because you are having problems finding love that suddenly it's OK to use such underhanded tactics. Also, I think that contrary to what some people say, "becoming friends first" is not a very good strategy to find love. The "friend zone" is a figure of speech, but it simply means that if you make friends first and then expect to turn that into love, you're not being completely honest with yourself and the other.

When you meet someone new, or meet someone again you didn't see in a long time, and you think you may like them, then go for it and try to find out if you two could be in a love relationship together. If not and you're both adult enough, you can still stay friends. If you do get along well, and the feeling is right, confess, and if it's mutual, the love story begins and the hardest part starts, but it's also the most enjoyable one at the same time. If you start by making friends, you will end up being friends. I think it's more honest to myself and to others if I'm very clear: when looked for love I looked for love, and not for friendship. If we want to shoot a deer, sometimes we gotta let the hares go.

I don't think I said I ever thought it was OK, but from the awkward way I worded it before I may have implied it. Earlier in my life I may thought it was okay, but for right now I think that's a pretty horrible thing to do.

I'm going to have to personally disagree and say that "becoming friends first" is a better way to handle it. Too often I see people get into relationships without a friendship component and it does not end well. They get lost in the physical side of things, while all the while talking about how much they dislike their partner in private. Without the seeds of friendship, love can't blossom, and instead we get the weeds of infatuation which sprouts quickly and only gets in the way.
However, I think once we've been in the Friend Zone long enough to recognize where we are, that's when the pursuit of love needs to stop because forcing it isn't going to help anyone.

That said, when I've been quick and honest with my feelings with the person in question, even if it didn't lead to love, it led to a stronger friendship. As I think on this, from the girls who have told me I'm just not their type, to fessing up about my feelings to the women already seeing other people, and inversely when I did this to a guy who I was pretty sure was hitting on me, it always led to at least a friendship I could look back and smile on. Some of them I don't see anymore, but that's because the crossroads of the world can lead to distant places. I think this is the healthier method in both the short and long run.
I'm not sure this is the exact conclusion you wanted me to arrive to, but I think this works?



Anyway, for you people who have been posting stories lately, sorry I haven't really said anything on them. When I'm at a loss of words, I tend to just not say anything when other people have said what I was probably going to say anyway.

I just spent an hour and a half writing up my reply to everyone (I write the reply as I read the posts and I'm a slow reader) and my PC bluescreen'd, losing everything I wrote (I copied it as I went along incase chrome crashed).

Nothing sucks more than having your train of thought run straight into a blue screen of death. Hope it doesn't take too long to re-write things.

[Kouryuu]

@Axelownz - Thank you for your story, I am glad that your in a good place right now . Also hi5 for virginity! (I am too ), I just want to say how awsome it is that you were able to break contact with that last girl you talked about. It would have been much worse to have stuck around, so you can pat yourself on the back for that ^^.

@introfate - What you said to Axelownz is a really good way of putting it. I know that feeling well, I recently overcame an 8 year depression and thats exactly how I felt and even still feel now. It feels so good, I often feel like doing a little dance when I think about it

@Redbullet612 - Thank you for post. That paragraph after the coloured text was amazing, honestly and its so true!

@Xiious - Aww but sleep is good! Well apart from the fact that I wish I didnt need to sleep as its a massive waste of time I could use doing something more productive... But still, its good.

@Kutagh - I often feel like that. Most of what I say isnt really going to be much beyond a thank you, sometimes I might have something to say though. Sometimes people just need to tell there story and know someone read it and understands. I admit to ending up talking about myself a lot too, I dont know if thats good or bad...

@Kormy - Thank you for your story. I just wanted to say that I know that feeling you mentioned in your highschool paragraph. I did the same thing, she didnt like me but I liked her and I just picked on her all the time, I sat next to her in one of my lessons(I think it was R.E.) and well I was a compelte fucktard, lots of insults, lots of hiding her stuff from her... horrific. She was the only person I ever been like that with. Then many years later I found out she liked my best friend (at the time) and they ended up going out, which is the last time I talked to my so called best friend(he stole 3 girls from me :/).

You paragraph about reading KS, I know that feeling too. I had really just gotten over my depression but still had some walls so to speak. Reading through Hanako's arc helped me get further down the path to who I want to be. I am actually re-reading it again. I read it any time I have nothing to do or dont feel like doing anything at all. I am glad it helped you

Dont worry about writing a lot. The more you write the better, I am not the best with words and I dont expect you to be. I understood it well enough .

@KryingPheonix - Thanks, I was quite proud of what I had written and when it all disappeared like that it was quite upsetting. I knew that I couldnt remember exactly what I said and didnt want to lose the moment I had written it in. I managed to re-type it now but its not as good as it was, unfortunately.

As to what you said earlier in your post, I agree that becomng friends first is good. There are different ways to do it and maybe the friend approach is more likely to get you friendzoned but I would rather get with someone that I could be friends with than someone that I have only known a short while. Though I dont have the experience to say what is best. Last person I liked I didnt tell for years, bit of a mistake there...

I think your conclusion is pretty good honestly. ^^

[Xiious]

Update:

I slept once again last night, abeit a little late, but I slept.

Also, she called me back and we've been talking again. I feel somehow happy about that.

On a different note, it's coming close to that particular day... and I fear without the harsh exterior I had developed before KS, I may be drowned in sorrow on that day..

[Guest]

On a different note, it's coming close to that particular day... and I fear without the harsh exterior I had developed before KS, I may be drowned in sorrow on that day..

Nothing wrong with that, so don't ever think there is.

If you decide you need to be alone for that day, do tell her, though. It may be better in some ways to have someone around for you, whether a friend, relative, or anyone else, but if you need to be alone to grieve, then so be it. She should understand.

And if you decide on that day that you need to come on here to talk, then, same thing. Do it. It's what we're here for, isn't it?

[Xiious]

Thanks.

[Guest]

Also, I just noticed the "Latias Fan" tag on your sig... my favorite from Gen 3 has always been Latios, myself

[Xiious]

Also, I just noticed the "Latias Fan" tag on your sig... my favorite from Gen 3 has always been Latios, myself

I am a huge lover of Pokemon Heroes despite it being so negatively received. Latias is my favourite Pokemon overall though.
Extremely jealously of Ash getting a kiss from Bianca/Latias ._.

That is all I say about this subject, don't want to derail the thread.

[introfate]

@ Kormy - I had a similar situation during my Junior year that branded me for my Senior year except alcohol wasn't involved, It was during the Homecoming Assembly. Since our bleachers are so compact It makes moving difficult for anyone. We were piling onto the bleachers when this pretty popular girl was in front of me. Absent-minded at the time I didn't see that she had stopped moving so my hand being by my side, I happened to grab her ass. The person behind me didn't stop so I fell and she happened to go down with me. Obviously she was embarrassed so in retaliation she pulled the Sexual Harassment Card. I got sent to the Disciplinary Office and was given a suspension. After so I returned to school and word had got around quick. Snide remarks and rude stares were given. Some kid happened to say something to me, I brushed him off and then the girl was down the hall ahead of me. She looks back and smiles, that got my blood boiling. I punch a locker and it resulted in expulsion for damaging school property. I'll admit, that was the first time and the last time I have truly felt anger. To make up for schooling they sent me to a school for students who have committed far more serious crimes. They call it an Opportunity School. Being as quiet and reserved as I am, I didn't really have a problem there. People asked me what I did, I ignored the comments and became more or less an outcast. The following year I was readmitted to my previous High School and again I was called names given stares etc. In the end though, I ignored them even more.

@ Kouryuu - Analogies don't come to mind very often, or those that would make sense to the general public rather. I just try to see life through each of these stories and come up with analogy that fits in my mind.

Side Note: I checked that message I had sent the girl from the other post, She logged in today so if she read it she hasn't replied or she's trying to find something to say. If anything comes up, I'll let you all know. In other news though, All these years I hadn't known something about myself but more or less a friend of mine believes I have AS. I don't see it..

[Axelownz]

Hey all, thanks for the nice responses to my story. I havent had a chance to read any stories, since i have only been online a few minutes of a time, work has been pretty heavy the past few days, and i got a wedding this weekend, so dont know when i will be able to contribute to the discussion, but i still plan on it when i can. ^_^

[Exbando]

Just letting everyone know, I just caught up on everything that I missed over the past couple days on here. I would make replies, but it's 6:20 am local time, and I haven't gone to sleep yet. I'll try to post tomorrow (well, today).

[Kouryuu]

@Xiious - Guest said it best, if you need time then nothing else matter. Also, Growlithe>all

@introfate - Fingers still crossed ^^, you still have one up on me, I am still too scared/not happy with the wording to send my message yet.

About your little story, that sounds so harsh. I cant really relate. I can in the way of kids being so... childish, guess its a given really. But you cant really care about the past, your who you are now and all you can do is move foward. I used to be so hung up on the past and things I couldnt change but now I have learned that I cant care about what I cant change and what is out of my control. Its really helped me cope with life much better. Doesnt mean I am immune to memories but I dont waste as much time on the negative memories ^^.

@Axelownz - Its all good, catch up in your own time .

@Exbando - You made the right choice, get on that sleep! ^^.

[Surreal-mind]

@Xiious: Glad you managed to get some sleep
Guest is right. If you need to talk ... just come here!

@Axelownz: I understand your story completely. I had a similar problem with girls (a string of bad luck).
And I am also a virgin and that kind of sucks, it affected me a lot in the past too.

@KryingPheonix: I've read your story. I haven't made any comment on it, 'cus I kind of suck at giving advice and I can't really think of anything useful to say most of the time. But I do think your conclusion is good.

@Kormy -Thanks for the story.

[Gandara]

I'm really happy to see everyone banding together in this topic. I've never lost my faith in the human race, but if I had this would restore some of it. /manlytear

A spot of good news - I've officially been accepted into college. Turning dat life around, one step at a time.

[Kutagh]

I'm really happy to see everyone banding together in this topic. I've never lost my faith in the human race, but if I had this would restore some of it. /manlytear

A spot of good news - I've officially been accepted into college. Turning dat life around, one step at a time.

Congratulations! Hope you're going to do well!
While we're at it, I've applied for that Sign Language minor (it's on a different university than mine, so I have to apply for it). Now only issue is how do I fill in my time next year? Am a bit confused with their site, as they say in the course itself its two sessions of 3 hours per week but the timetable I found lists three sessions of 2 hours each (and top of site says timetables 2012-2013 so I assume it's the correct timetable)... Ah well, time to bugger that guy again I fear it's the latter (not as good for me, means I gotta spend a lot more time traveling to uni as it is not as near to me as my current uni, as well as significantly reduces the chances of finding another course that doesn't clash with times).