A Second Chance
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 8:07 am
It was pure coincidence that she overheard he was in this hospital. Random talks from random bystanders. An airport. A boy in his high school uniform. A heart attack. It was a stretch, and, in actuality, it could be anyone, but she had to make sure.
It was probably the only way to finally settle this feeling that refused to go away.
Walking through the front doors of the hospital, she briefly wondered why she had even bothered coming here. The chance that he happened to be here at this exact time as her was too impossible to be true, as if this was a fairy tale or a badly written novel. Approaching the front desk, half-convinced that her worries were baseless, she asked the one question that she never thought she would have to ask again.
“Excuse me, did a Hisao Nakai get admitted recently?”
“I believe so. Give me a moment to check his room and current situation.”
A pause. She waited patiently as she heard several taps and clicks on a keyboard coming from behind the front desk. An eternity passed in the few minutes it took the person behind the front desk to answer.
“…his surgery is currently in progress. If you’d like to visit him, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait about an hour or so, and afterwards, chances are he will be resting in his room.”
“How serious is it?”
“I’m not really at liberty to go into details, but unless major complications arise during surgery, we expect he’ll be making a full recovery.”
“I…see. Thank you…”
Giving her a look bordering between pity and curiosity, the nurse gave her a sympathetic smile before returning to his work.
The girl gave a slight nod before drifting towards an empty seat in the lobby. Maybe she should leave. She didn’t have any reason visiting him. She wouldn’t even have known he was here if she hadn’t overheard a one-sided phone conversation. Plenty of justifiable reasons ran through her head as to why she should just stand up and walk away.
But she remained sitting.
Slowly, timed passed around her. Various families or individuals entered and exited the building. A grieving man here, a relieved family there. Everyone with reasons to be here, to show support or care for loved ones. She felt out of place, wrapped around her own reasoning for staying. Did she want forgiveness? A second chance, maybe? Did she even care about him, or was she here only for herself?
A tap on her shoulder forces her to raise her head. She hadn’t been aware of how much time has passed, but she knew she had been here too long. Visiting hours were probably over by now. The nurse’s voice firmly denies her of this small relief.
“Mr. Nakai surgery has finished, if you want to visit him. Room 437, just be sure you don’t disturb him too much. He’s currently asleep.”
She sits there with a dumfounded look on her face, not knowing how to respond. After a moment, she can only give a small nod before standing up.
The walk to his room is excruciatingly long. Each step feels like a mile. Unfamiliar with the layout of this hospital, she asks for directions several times before finally reaching his door.
“…Hisao?”
Her lips feel uncomfortable voicing his name. A stinging feeling, like she doesn’t have the right to say this after what she did. Still, she waits for a response. Any response.
Nobody answers.
Inching the door open, she makes her way to bedside of the only occupant in the room. Slowly. Carefully. Unsure of whether or not she wants him to be aware of her presence. She settles herself into an unoccupied chair by his bedside.
His family must have left to give him some rest. She vaguely recalls a couple muttering his name when she was brooding in the lobby. The fact that they are alone makes her more aware of how fast her heart is beating. How would he feel if he knew she was here now? Relief? Anger? Or would he not care at all?
Slowly she reaches her hand out to caress his cheek, but stops herself when she hears him mutter a name in his sleep.
“…Lilly…”
His voice is soft, softer than she had ever heard him speak. And filled with a tenderness that causes her own heart to skip a beat.
She settles into a small smile before withdrawing her hand. A slight smile flashes across her face, filled with both happiness and sorrow.
That name belongs to someone else.
Looking at his face, she finally sees the difference between then and now. A slight curve in his lips, eyes no longer bent in pain. Even asleep, he seems so content.
She can only smile at him, and speak to his sleeping figure.
“I’m glad…Hisao. You always looked so sad before, angry at your life. It hurt, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help you.”
She feels tears welling up, and her words become more staggered.
“But now…now you’re happy…I’m so glad.
I’m sorry about what happened. I know you didn’t blame me, and I know it was stupid to blame myself, but I still did. After all, how many girls can handle their first confession causing the guy a heart attack?”
A light chuckle escapes her lips, at odds with the tears streaming down her face. Hands clenched, she continues.
“I loved you, you know. When you showed up that day, I was so happy. When I saw you waiting for me, I could only think about us being together.
But then afterwards, I could feel us drifting apart. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t make you happy. Sorry I couldn’t say anything so that you didn’t have to be alone. Sorry for just leaving you alone.
I won’t ask you to forgive me. I hope you don’t. I’m just…so glad.”
She places one hand gently on his chest, where she knew she had hurt him the most.
“Please Hisao…stay happy.”
She stays like this until her tears have finished and dried up. When all that remains is a content smile on her face, she stands to leave. As she walks down the corridor, she passes a blonde girl hurrying past her, chased by a similarly blonde man.
Leaving the hospital, Iwanako gives one last look at the windowed room on the fourth floor that contained the boy she once loved and has now lost.
-------------------------
I have no idea why I wrote this.
It was probably the only way to finally settle this feeling that refused to go away.
Walking through the front doors of the hospital, she briefly wondered why she had even bothered coming here. The chance that he happened to be here at this exact time as her was too impossible to be true, as if this was a fairy tale or a badly written novel. Approaching the front desk, half-convinced that her worries were baseless, she asked the one question that she never thought she would have to ask again.
“Excuse me, did a Hisao Nakai get admitted recently?”
“I believe so. Give me a moment to check his room and current situation.”
A pause. She waited patiently as she heard several taps and clicks on a keyboard coming from behind the front desk. An eternity passed in the few minutes it took the person behind the front desk to answer.
“…his surgery is currently in progress. If you’d like to visit him, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait about an hour or so, and afterwards, chances are he will be resting in his room.”
“How serious is it?”
“I’m not really at liberty to go into details, but unless major complications arise during surgery, we expect he’ll be making a full recovery.”
“I…see. Thank you…”
Giving her a look bordering between pity and curiosity, the nurse gave her a sympathetic smile before returning to his work.
The girl gave a slight nod before drifting towards an empty seat in the lobby. Maybe she should leave. She didn’t have any reason visiting him. She wouldn’t even have known he was here if she hadn’t overheard a one-sided phone conversation. Plenty of justifiable reasons ran through her head as to why she should just stand up and walk away.
But she remained sitting.
Slowly, timed passed around her. Various families or individuals entered and exited the building. A grieving man here, a relieved family there. Everyone with reasons to be here, to show support or care for loved ones. She felt out of place, wrapped around her own reasoning for staying. Did she want forgiveness? A second chance, maybe? Did she even care about him, or was she here only for herself?
A tap on her shoulder forces her to raise her head. She hadn’t been aware of how much time has passed, but she knew she had been here too long. Visiting hours were probably over by now. The nurse’s voice firmly denies her of this small relief.
“Mr. Nakai surgery has finished, if you want to visit him. Room 437, just be sure you don’t disturb him too much. He’s currently asleep.”
She sits there with a dumfounded look on her face, not knowing how to respond. After a moment, she can only give a small nod before standing up.
The walk to his room is excruciatingly long. Each step feels like a mile. Unfamiliar with the layout of this hospital, she asks for directions several times before finally reaching his door.
“…Hisao?”
Her lips feel uncomfortable voicing his name. A stinging feeling, like she doesn’t have the right to say this after what she did. Still, she waits for a response. Any response.
Nobody answers.
Inching the door open, she makes her way to bedside of the only occupant in the room. Slowly. Carefully. Unsure of whether or not she wants him to be aware of her presence. She settles herself into an unoccupied chair by his bedside.
His family must have left to give him some rest. She vaguely recalls a couple muttering his name when she was brooding in the lobby. The fact that they are alone makes her more aware of how fast her heart is beating. How would he feel if he knew she was here now? Relief? Anger? Or would he not care at all?
Slowly she reaches her hand out to caress his cheek, but stops herself when she hears him mutter a name in his sleep.
“…Lilly…”
His voice is soft, softer than she had ever heard him speak. And filled with a tenderness that causes her own heart to skip a beat.
She settles into a small smile before withdrawing her hand. A slight smile flashes across her face, filled with both happiness and sorrow.
That name belongs to someone else.
Looking at his face, she finally sees the difference between then and now. A slight curve in his lips, eyes no longer bent in pain. Even asleep, he seems so content.
She can only smile at him, and speak to his sleeping figure.
“I’m glad…Hisao. You always looked so sad before, angry at your life. It hurt, knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help you.”
She feels tears welling up, and her words become more staggered.
“But now…now you’re happy…I’m so glad.
I’m sorry about what happened. I know you didn’t blame me, and I know it was stupid to blame myself, but I still did. After all, how many girls can handle their first confession causing the guy a heart attack?”
A light chuckle escapes her lips, at odds with the tears streaming down her face. Hands clenched, she continues.
“I loved you, you know. When you showed up that day, I was so happy. When I saw you waiting for me, I could only think about us being together.
But then afterwards, I could feel us drifting apart. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I couldn’t make you happy. Sorry I couldn’t say anything so that you didn’t have to be alone. Sorry for just leaving you alone.
I won’t ask you to forgive me. I hope you don’t. I’m just…so glad.”
She places one hand gently on his chest, where she knew she had hurt him the most.
“Please Hisao…stay happy.”
She stays like this until her tears have finished and dried up. When all that remains is a content smile on her face, she stands to leave. As she walks down the corridor, she passes a blonde girl hurrying past her, chased by a similarly blonde man.
Leaving the hospital, Iwanako gives one last look at the windowed room on the fourth floor that contained the boy she once loved and has now lost.
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I have no idea why I wrote this.
Well done bro, well done. 