Katawa Shoujo Forums

~created on a whim~
-edit- I checked through it and fixed the story perspective


Hisao was walking back to his room from his class, carrying his new books from the library that Hanako recommended. When he reached the staircase that goes to his hallway, Rin was sleeping on the third step.

Staring at her for the moment, he needed to wake her so he can go back up. But the books were heavy, and he doubted he could lift them back up again, so he nudged her with his foot in her stomach. "Rin?... Rin~?" She stirred slightly, and looked at his foot. With that same look on her face, she looked up as high as she could without turning her head, which was, once again, his crotch. Yawning, she said "Morning, Hisao." He sighed, "Again, next time you address me, please don't talk to my crotch." Rin sat up straight, and looked up to him and nodded. "No talking to the tackle then." Hisao blinked, slouched over and nearly dropped his books. "Oh, books," stated Rin.

Smiling, Hisao lifted them a little higher, "Yep. Hanako helped me find them." "You lost the books?" "No, she helped me chose them." "They're not very cute." The books were all fairly thick. "They're for reading, not for being cute." Rin thought about it. "... I thought the scar girl looked cute... I guess I was wrong." "..." Hisao sighed, noticing that his arms were tiring out. "Can you move so I can go upstairs?" Rin nods, and stands out of the way for him.

Giving his thanks to Rin, he walked up the stairs. Rin followed quietly behind. Hisao didn't notice until he turned around to go up another flight, and saw her tagging along. He tried to get her attention, but she paid him no heed. Continuing on, they reached the floor Hisao's room was at. Rin made her way to the rails and looked outwards to the campus. "... good view." Hisao stopped and looked at her, seeing the scenery behind her as she looked outward. There was a slight breeze, that made Rin's hair shift a bit, and the tree's seemed to watlz in the background. He found himself staring at her, but she was staring at the scene. For a moment, he witnessed a beautiful picture in his head, where Rin would stand there, looking out as everything danced, studying them to her heart's content.

Hisao smiled and absorbed the scene, until Rin turned around, and looked at him quizzically when she realized he was staring at her. "... is there something on me?" Rin started trying to see if there was something on her, making Hisao laugh as she examined the soles of her feet. Hisao continued walking down until he got to his room, where he found Kenji's door wide open. A little worried, he put his stuff away and didn't let it bother him. But he thought of Rin, and realized that she was probably lost so he went back to find her.

Right on top of the stairs was Kenji and Rin, and Kenji was happily talking about something. Approaching them, it became clear what they were talking about. "-... so you see, they really have been planning for an uprising! it's the only thing that makes sense!" Rin was listening attentively, more then I've seen her listen to me, Shizune/Misha or even Emi. Kenji continued to talk with what can only be his 'feminist conspiracy' theory. "I even have charts and graphs that prove it! Wanna see them?" Rin actually nodded; one small, eager nod. Kenji got up and said to follow him to his room, leaving her. Rin got up and followed.

Hisao watched them go to Kenji's room, wondering what just happened.

~~next piece!~
-edited~fixed the beginning past/present problems


When Hisao came back that night, a few hours later, he was surprised to see Rin leaving. And Kenji was more upbeat then usual for the next few days. Hisao wondered briefly what they talked about, then decided that he didn't really want to know. It was probably more of the 'vast feminine conspiracy' that Kenji raged on about all the time.

After about a week, Emi stopped Hisao after their usual morning run. Rin, according to Emi, seemed more lost in thought then before. She would just kinda drop out of a conversation randomly now, at one moment talking to Emi about private matters and just streaming off lost in thought. Not that it was unusual, but not while staring at Emi with a questionable look. She also stares at most of the girls like that too now. Hisao explained to her about Rin meeting with Kenji; explaining his absurd belief's. Emi laughed, but she said Emi might be thinking about that because she's not staring at the guys as much as the girls.

So that's why, today, for the interests of friendship, Hisao went in to listen to Kenji's complete feminine conspiracy theory. Kenji told him that he was going to introduce him with his friend who's already listened to this, and is said to have the eyes to see into this perspective of the world.

That night, Kenji called Hisao over when Rin showed up.

Hisao walked out where Kenji was waiting outside his door. "'Sup man. Here's that guy I told you about," gestures at Rin, who was staring down the empty hallway. "Hi Rin," said Hisao. "...Hm? Oh, hi," seems that she was lost in thought again. Kenji frowned for a moment. "I didn't know you two knew each other," smiled "that makes it easier then. No introductions needed," he turned and walked inside his room, "the stuff is inside."

Hisao venture into territory few had ever crossed, with Rin right behind him.

Kenji's room was pretty much what he imagined. The walls were covered with some boy band posters, a tv was shoved in the corner and a computer was set up next to it. Also, some magazine's were tossed around across the floor: a quick glance around them would tell you that this is a man that studies the in-and-out of politics, and fashion designing. There were at least four blankets; one on the bed, another layed out in front of the computer and two tossed into the corner. A quick sniff told him that Kenji does not linger in the laundry room longer then is needed for his clothes.

That being said, there were a few rolled up posters by the bedside which Kenji was picking up. Walking in front of the t.v., he dropped two of them and revealled the anatomy of both men and women, with notes on the side. For reasons judged 'best not asked', there was a picture of Muto taped on the man's and a picture of Yuuko on the women's.

"Okay, since Hisao doesn't know the truth yet, I'll begin by explaining why women are powerful enemies!" He taped the poster onto the wall. Standing to the side so they can see the upside-down poster. He began, "First off, us men." He gestured to the left side of the poster, which since it was upside down was the women's anatomy. "Here you can see that we have more muscle mass; it's a medical fact that we can create muscle quicker then women and also burn fat faster. We also have quick instinctive-decision making and the pleasurable stick." Gesturing to the other side of the poster, the upside-down man, he continued on. "The women have the bodies far more sensitive then the males, bodies that by-design fit men and even the hole of glory." He nodded at the end, Rin kept quiet, and Hisao was still trying to get past the 'pleasure stick'. " What women have that is a huge advantage over men today, is sex and gray matter."

"Sex is the obvious reason, because otherwise we'll be engage in anal play with guys and none of us want that, only the dirty dirty bastards and the homos. That is why the women must live, apart from cooperation in continuing the human race. Gray matter, however, is the biggest problem we must overcome." Rin nodded. "Gray matter in human brains are what allow us to process informations, on various subjects. It's like R.A.M. on a computer, there's a limit to how much a single person can do before the system shuts itself off. Women have far more gray matter then men do. And with all the jobs becoming more task-juggling, men can hardly compare to a women's work ethic." He really started getting into his speech. "You can already see it in the visions of a man, having the perfect woman working for him that can embody both, and woman that might possibly go along with it! Go along with their dirty dirty dreams! But there are women that will use their own gifts to take over, we cannot ignore that! The easiest way to prevent this is to remove women from the system!"

"If you remove the working women, they'll take all their skills with them, which helped the corporation in the first place," interjected Rin. Kenji looked at her, gritting his teeth a bit. "The risks are too high! Look at what america's done! It's because of women trying to take over more and more that the women that are in charge started shipping jobs out overseas and they screwed themselves over!" "A man wouldn't do that?" "A man wouldn't have thought of doing things that way!" "So women are superior?" "TOO SUPERIOR, we men must hold back the power with our own incompetence," shouted Kenji. Rin smiled her small smile, and Hisao tried to figure out what just happened.

"Men were screwed up in the past, there's no denying that we have tried to contain all women and tried to mold them into what we wanted them to fit into. But we were right to hold them back!" Kenji stood there, waiting for her to say something. Rin simply said out loud "Nothing can stop good from doing it's duty, even when the good is started from something wrong." Kenji pondered this, and put his hand back in his pocket, nodding. Looking back and forth, Hisao realized that Kenji didn't know that Rin was a girl. She does wear a guys uniform, and he has bad eyesight. He probably didn't realize it.

Kenji smiled, "You don't make a lot of sense, but I like you." Rin smiled, adding with "I like you too." Hisao stared sadly at the poster, looking back and forth from Muto and Yuuko.

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"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude." - Thomas Jefferson

Okay, good of you to post this here. As I said when I first saw it, you've got an interesting concept going here.

That said, I have some editorial comments.

Paragraphs should be broken up when different speakers speak.

Watch you tenses: you have a mixing of present and past tense, and it's jarring.

You also occasionally slip into first person, while most of it is third person.

I'd recommend you read through the 'Tips for fanfiction writers' thread up top here.

I know, I caught myself in first person perspective and tried to fix those errors, but I guess I missed a few.

I'll check around for those past/present tense problems.
I already read that. I can't remember what it said though. XP i'll work on it.

I have read worse fanfics, but I have also read better, but the concept is original and the chracters seem to fit theirm personalities. A few tweaks here and there and this could be really good

Rohalmen509 wrote: [...], I realized that Kenji didn't know that Rin was a girl. She does wear a guys uniform, and he has bad eyesight. He probably didn't realize it.

I knew it! (and said it earlier )
Kenji would never ever reveal his knowledge to an enemy(if he knows who he's talking to)!

Morph wrote:

Rohalmen509 wrote: [...], I realized that Kenji didn't know that Rin was a girl. She does wear a guys uniform, and he has bad eyesight. He probably didn't realize it.

I knew it! (and said it earlier )
Kenji would never ever reveal his knowledge to an enemy(if he knows who he's talking to)!

of course not. He's constantly aware of the psychic spies that are all around trying to get him in the act! XP

Not bad. "Pleasurable stick" and "hole of glory" made me chuckle. I ship KenjixRin as well, and I figure that him eventually finding out that Rin is a chick will make him shift from conspiracy theories about feminists to conspiracy theories about the Freemasons or Illuminati or some such.