Katawa Shoujo Forums

Personally, I love how you had Hisao mess with Seth about Kenji's theories :3 (yes, I always poke at the little things, don't mind me)

As for other things... Your writing style is easy to read (a plus), you have little to no trouble using interpunction (another plus), and so far, the minor character interactions come off without a hitch (plus again). My biggest issue I guess you could say is this: when it comes to the plot of your story, things seem to go overboard in one way or another.

Example by summary:
Guy meets girl, and falls in love immediately: no biggie. Guy talks to girl and asks to hang out: no biggie. Girl then immediately "glorifies" guy when she barely knows him: where the heck did that come from? O.o Girl agrees to hang out: no biggie. But where'd the stream of compliments come from? o.O

For another, teaching oneself a foreign language from scratch is hard. Doing this at the age of 7? Kid's gotta be a freakin genius. And apparently pretty muscular too, knocking out his dad like that when he's 12.

I by no means mean to gripe or fling insults, but I'm starting to get the feeling I'm looking at the male version of a Mary Sue: Gary Stu ">_>

Ok, thank you for all the comments but I have one thing I want to address. Remember in the dream sequence of chapter 2, how Lilly said she could see the inner workings of people? Of course you do. Anyways, by saying this I was hoping that most readers COULD catch onto the fact that this might play a major point in the story. But this might just be wishful thinking. By saying this and by having a few hidden minor interactions between the two, she may have pieced together enough information to get the string of complimentscausing Seth to have his seizure. But, believe whatever you want to believe, I'm not forcing anything on anyone. please, enjoy the rest of Love Is Blind. Thank You, and Good Night

Mirage_GSM wrote:A few points that require some serious suspension of disbelief:
- a seven year old teaching himself (!) Japanese.
- a twelve year old beating up his father.
- Lilly accepting a proposal like that after meeting him just once before.

bah, reads good. thats all that counts peeps >.>


anyways! love it! cant wait to see what happens between the two of them, tho i was kinda hoping he wake up with at least a note beside him or somesuch from lilly

Sartarus wrote:Remember in the dream sequence of chapter 2, how Lilly said she could see the inner workings of people?

Well, that was a dream. The dream of a guy about a girl he loves.
I once had a dream about the girl I loved back then, and she had wings (the feathery kind, like an angel) It's one of the few dreams I still remember clearly today, still I didn't expect it to happen in real life.

trekki wrote:bah, reads good. thats all that counts peeps >.>

Of course you're entitled to your own opinion, but for me a story that breaks suspension of disbelief doesn't read good.
Yes, the writing style is good, but the plot feels way too rushed.

mmhmm mhmmm.... i think i see were your coming from there, tho whenever i read fanfiction i get in the frame of mind that each story is its own unique universe with its own set of rules so the inacuracys dont really exist in it, only in ours. tis how i deal with it anyway

trekki859 wrote:mmhmm mhmmm.... i think i see were your coming from there, tho whenever i read fanfiction i get in the frame of mind that each story is its own unique universe with its own set of rules so the inacuracys dont really exist in it, only in ours. tis how i deal with it anyway

someone else with this mindset? then again. try reading some things on Fanfiction.net.... you have to have that mindset me thinks