Growing Pains(OC)

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Yuzl
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Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:44 pm

Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Yuzl »

Sigh, I have been putting this off for quiet some time(School playing a big part and anxiety playing another). Please note this is my first Fanfic and this is just help me get into creative writing. I.E building scenes and characters. Please go easy on me this was a a lot of fun and I might do another one time abiding of course. And without further stalling I present to you Growing Pains.





BaracoDean




Eye Color: Green

Hair Color: Blonde

Height: 6'2

Weight: 193lbs

Blood Type: AB

Birthday: April 6

Home Town: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Disability: Chronic Pain due to Arachnoiditis


Dean tries to make the best of any situation, even when his fathers business failed in Pennsylvania.And even more so when his mother left him and his father he did all he could do to keep his father busy with job interviews. But no matter what he did it seemed his father kept falling into a deeper and deeper depression. When they were finally evicted from their house his grandmother took them in. A short time after that he found out his sister and brother-in-law where moving to Japan. Dean haveing always been wanting to get out and explore the world he asked if he could come and live with them. Two months later they departed leaving his father and grandmother in wake.

Unfortunately while on a break from moving all his sisters stuff he leaned a little bit too much on the balcony railing and it gave way. He fell two storys and landed on his back breaking causeing some major spine damage . Following his accident he was in a coma for a month and half.After he regain feeling in his body he started noticing a tingling feeling in his legs. The doctor set him for a EMG to only confirm his prognosis.... Arachnoiditis.

After he was diagnosed him and his sister both agreed rather than have his father sink into a deeper depression that he was is getting out of they decided to not tell his father about his condition. Though there is no certain cure for Arachnoiditis Dean tried everything.In time found that if he played raceing games that support a raceing wheels and pedals that it stimulates the damaged nerves. That and coupled with exercise and staying active he can stave off the pain.

Even with all this he still faced massive leg cramps that often left him laid up in bed the rest of the day. Even simple things like picking up boxes gave him back aches. If the cramps were not the worst it was the random numbness in his legs that at one point knocked him out when he fell and hit his head off of a table .Although almost year and half has passed he was barely able to keep up with his studies. When he was told that he could leave the hospital he so over joyed that he could finally get out and see Japan. He was even more happy when was told he would be going to a specialized boarding school. The school in question is called Yamaku Academy.
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Growing Pains




Sigh, I wish we wouldn't have left so early. I wanted it miss most of the day but at this rate we will be there in hour. I look out the window to see the scenery blur past. I fidget with my phone for a bit then decide to listen to some music

"Hmm,what do you think your doing," said my brother-in-law.

"Well Steve, since we are not listening to anything in particular I figured I might as well play something," I said.

"Well what band is it?"

"Seeing as how fast we are going, I figure my heavy metal mix like is in order."

To confirm my point he looks at the speedometer. It reads 160km/h

"Ahhh, good choice throw it on."

I plugged my phone and cranked up the volume. I start to tap my foot along with the beat, but Steve decided to drop a gear send me reeling into my seat. I get a glance at the speedometer....about 200 km/h.

"Hey now, I would like to get to school without going straight to ER."

"Aww, but I still got sixth gear to go."

"Oh I am sooo sure Chyanne wouldn't minding know how fast your going with her kid brother in the front seat."

He stifles a respones and resumes his slightly less than fast speed. At that moment my favorite song pops on. I start to sing along.

"So take your eyes off the trigger"

Steve respondes with "I'm not to blame if your world turns to black"

We continue this back and forth singing for what seems like five minutes in reality was one hour. As we pull up to the gate I goan.

"Fuck,why did I let you go so fast"

"Cause its fun"

I reluctently agree and grab my satchel from the back seat.

"Hey,all your stuff is unpacked and in your room"

"Thanks I wouldn't want another accident," I snicker.

"Hah, good one. Text us when you get outta class"

"Will do"

As I wave bye from the front gate Steve being Steve he burns out makeing everyone in the court yard look this way distress. I can only imagine the sight. A tall american waving bye at a Subaru WRX peeling out at the front gate.
I think to my self "I must look sooo awesome right now "

As I turn to walk through the gate I hear Steve speeding back up the hill.

"What he doing now?" I sigh to myself

He pulls up next to me and rolls the window down.

"Kinda hard to text us when I have your phone isn't it?"

I put my hand in my pocket.

"Shit"

He laughs at my despair and toss me my phone.

"Now don't lose it this time," he said, snickering.

"Ha, okay goodbye again"

This time he leaves as any normal person would with 400 horsepower car; normally, this kinda surprises me as this not like him. Guess he didn't want to piss off the staff with tire marks.
As I turn around and put my phone on vibrate I get about half through the courtyard before I run,or more or less plow over a girl with pink curly hair.

"Shit, I'm sorry I wasn't paying any attention"

"Whahahaha~"

Her sudden out burst made me jump a little. Then I notice a girl standing next to the girl I ran over. She is standing cross armed and looks furious at me.

"Uhh let me help you." I said while looking at the angered girl.

As she is dusting herself off I glance at the other girl,Thin rimmed glasses, clean blue hair and some of the most amazing blue eyes.

"Is there something wrong"

She stares at me.

"Uhh hello"

" Whahahaha~ she can't hear you,"said the girl with pink hair or yells I can't really tell.

"What"?

I think for a second.

"Oh"
I realize that I am now in a disability school.

"Wow I feel like an idiot"

"Don't worry it happens, I'm Misha and this is Hakamichi"

"Hi, I'm Dean Baraco"

"Whahaha~ its always nice to see an American every once in a while"

"Heh you that make me feel kinda special."

It is now I notice that she is signing everything I say and she says, so she must be the other girl interperter. I feel a vibration in my pocket.I pull out my phone.

"Now who can this be" I say aloud.

I read the text in my head.

"Don't forget to stop by the nurses office before you go to class :D StEvE"

"Heh you girls wouldnt happen to know where the nurses office is now would you"

The look at each other.

"Yeah its over thata way"

She points to a building

"Oh thanks well I best get going. Sorry for knocking you over."

As I run off I hear.

"Whahaha~ its okay"

As I walk into the office I see a sign that says "Nurse" with a arrow pointing to a door

I knock twice and hear "Come in"

I step in to see a man sitting behind a desk doing something on his computer.I stand there for a moment.

"Oh I'm sorry you must be Dean right. I've been expecting you" said the man.

"Yeah, I'm here to pick up my prescriptions"

"Oh well I need to go over your file again. Annnnd here we are," he shuffles around some other papers and finds mine.

"Ahhh I see Arachnoiditis thats pretty nasty. Its says here you fell from a balcony and you laid up for quite a while. It also says you have a pretty strict exercise regiment."

"Yeah, I've been trying to stay active lately"

"Well thats good as long as you keep up on your regiment and your medication you'll be fine"

"Okay will do"

"And before I give you your prescription I need to warn you. These painkillers are very VERY addictive and are not to used by anyone else but yourself"

He grabs my shoulder to drive the point in farther. I must say it really grabbed me by the nads.

"I understand"

"Okay, heres your prescriptions "

He goes on explaining the different drugs, and I must say some of the stuff worries me like the anti-depressents. I remember my dad....I do not want to be like that.

"And that should be it.Do you want these in a bag"

I snap out of my thought, although my dad still weights heavily.

"Yeah that would be nice"

He puts them in the bag and hands them to me. I put them into my satchel and stand up and offering a hand shake. He gives me one that is average I guess.

"Well I best be getting to class"

He just smiles or I guess he was already smileing.Or was he when I came in here? Shakeing that thought out of my head, I go to open the door but when I do I open it on someone who is trying to open it at the same time and they fall through the
doorway, dropping a stack a papers in the process.

"Awww" said the very small girl. But her size is not what really surprised me but its how fast she gathered all the papers and handed them to the nurse.

"Here are the papers you wanted. Sorry I was late I kinda lost time while running again"

"Oh thats no problem," said the nurse.

"Umm, I'm sorry for tripping you"

She turns to me and I see these green eyes that rival mine. Not only that as I give her a one over I see she has prothstetic legs. I could not imagine trying running in those.

"Oh its okay no harm done"

To comfirm her point she taps her mid section.

"Well thats good, my name is Dean Baraco"

"I'm Emi Ibarazaki, nice to meet you"

She looks at the clock above the door.

"Ahhh teacher will have my head if I'm late again" she yells as she bolts down the hall.

"Wow" that is all I can say.

"I have never seen anyone that run that fast"

I hear I heavy sigh from behind me.

"No matter how many times I tell that girl she will never slow down" mutters the nurse

"Does she cause problems," I ask?

"Not really, just she doesn't stop running"

"I see. Well I need to run these to my dorm and get to class before lunch"

I peer carefully out into the hall and when I see that it is clear I walk out. I get into the guys dorm with out much trouble and I find my room 120. As I walk past one of the rooms I am buffeted with a strong smell of garlic.

"Jesus Christ who the hell can live with much garlic"

I made a bee line for my door unlock it and get inside. And take huge breath.

"Holy hell I better invest in some garlic stocks with a neighbor like that"

I get my pills out of my bag and set them on my night stand.

As I stand up and put my hand into my pockets I look up at my room, I see a darkend space with my computer all hooked up with my custom racing gear glowing on a desk in a corner. I also see a set of keys with a flower on them sitting by my
mouse pad. I pick them up .

"What can these go to?"

I go through everything in my head for what they can before. I confirmed these are car keys but I don't own a car or will I ever. I plop down on my bed. I sit there in my gloomy lair for a couple of minutes.

"Screw it" I said in my head

I set them back down and head out as I walk past the lair of garlic and hear some mumbling but decide to leave whoever is there alone. I run out of there and get into the main building, run a couple of flights of stairs and find my classroom 3-4.I knock, a man that looks to be in his early forties answers.

"Yes. Oh I'm sorry you must our new student, I am Hideki Inaba,"

"Class" he said aloud.

They all look up from what they are doing, I notice the girl from the nurses office. Emi or something, she sees me and smiles.

"Okay class this our new student Dean Baraco. Dean if you don't mind giveing us little bit about yourself"

"Oh uhh well I'm Dean Baraco I'm from America as you all can problely tell from my accent"

As I say this every one sorta chuckles a bit. This kinda loosens me up a bit. I never really noticed how nervous I am.

"I like to run and I guess I like to write as well. "

I guess I wasn't really prepared for this and run out of stuff to talk about or I have some issues talking in front of people. I look to the teacher for some help and he picks up from there.

"And Dean you can sit next to Miss Ibarazaki"

I look up and see Emi wave. I bow and walk over and take my seat. The teacher goes over our lesson and lets us work together if we want. I feel tug on my sleeve I look over and see Emi holding up a her work sheet.

"Wanna work together,"she asked.

I look at my paper and see that it is math. I hate math. I sigh heavily.

"Now why would want to work with you," I said.

"Oh" She trails off and looks at her paper looking very down.

"Jeez no need to be such a buzz kill. I only mean to tease"

She looks up at me as says with most "Why in the world would you do this to me" expression that just tears me up.

"Now could you please work with me. I am sorry for my actions please forgive me"

She puts on a smile and scoots her desk close to mine and we begin to work. We finish with plenty of time to spare.

"Liar" she sneers.

"What do you mean" I ask? while leaning back in my chair

"You said you didn't understand it too well"

"Heh, got me there I thought it was gonna be harder than I expected. Oh and sorry again for this morning"

"Its okay, its kinda the opposite for me I normally have to apologize to people for running into them"

I chuckle a bit. Silence soon comes in.

"So what do you guys have in the terms of clubs"

"Well there is track, book club, art club,and many others"

"I see, what do you do around here"

"I'm in track!" She said enthusiactally

I am sorta surprised by this but I guess I should have seen it a mile away by the way she ran out the hallway this morning.

"So is that what you were doing this morning" I ask?

"Yeah, how'd ya know"

"Well you kinda mentioned something about it in the nurses office"

I laugh and she blushes a bit. I do have to admit she is really cute for some reason.Maybe its her her small size? Right then the bell rings. Not wanting to get lost in the mess of people. I stay behind and pull my phone out and check my email.Spam spam spam and more spam, I go through all of them deleteing them one by one to kill time. After a while notice a shadow above me thinking it is a teacher a casually side it into my pocket and turn around to see the it is Emi.

"Oh it only you" I let out a big sigh.

"What was that" she asked?

"Oh this" I take out my cellphone again to show her. She seems enamored by it.

Upon looking at it again I can see why. It looks like something you would give a broker or someone.

"How much did it cost you,"

"No idea my brother in law pays for it"

"Wow I wish I could have one"

She says this in a tone that makes me feel like a complete ass for even haveing one of these.

"Wanna try it out"

She looks at me with these big puppy eyes.

"Really" she said excitedly.

She looks at the clock.

"I really really want too but I need to get this lunch to my friend"

She holds up a pink sack.

"Well I can come with you, I am not doing anything else. I'd like to walk around with out getting lost"

"What about your lunch"

"I was just gonna walk around maybe go back to my room and relax for a bit"

Emi puts a scowl. Which I do have to say is also really cute I use all my effort to keep from smileing.

"Dean, you should always eat at least three meal a day to stay healthly. Your coming with me"!

She grabs ahold of my arm and pulls me. I scramble to grab my satchel as we bolt down the hall. We are dodgeing people left and right going at break neck speed. As we turn down a empty hallway I start to feel my left leg go numb.

"Oh shit"

As I say this I trip bringing Emi and I down. We slid for a couple of feet before stopping.

"Ugh, what happend" asks Emi

"My leg went numb again" I answer.

"Oh my god are you okay" she yells as she comes to my aid.

"Yeah this kinda thing happens alot"

"I'm takeing you to the nurse right now", this time in a slightly lower voice

"No need to like I said this happens alot I just need my cane. No need to worry"

The tone of my voice calms her a little bit. Unfortuneatly she has some trouble lifting me up. But once I am on one leg I can balance more of my weight on my right leg rather than all of it on Emi.

As we walk Emi still looks very down.

"Hey now stop looking so down"

"But its my fault that you ended up like this"

I laugh.

"No its not, it would have happend any way. There is nothing you could have done to have prevented this"

"You mean you get like this randomly"

"Well it isn't always numbness. Sometimes it is tingleing, cramps, or just straight up pain"

"Oh, I see"

"Now stop looking so down please"

Her Jigawatt smile came back in a instant. We get to the guys dorms and get into my room. As she sets me down she immediately looks at my computer.

"Wow you really love technology don't you"

"Just a tad"

"Now wheres are your cane"

"In the closest"

She digs them out and hands them to me.

"Thanks a ton I owe you big time"

The lunch bell rings again.

"Oh no Rins gonna be angry with me

She runs out my door before I can say anything. I shrug it off.

"Meh oh well"

I grab my crutches and hobble out the door. As I lock my door I feel like someone is watching me. I turn around expecting Emi but I smell the stench garlic. I think to myself. Oh god not the kid who lives one door down. I thought he was myth.
Before he says anything I say

"You better get the fuck away from me and pop a tic-tac"

He completely ingnores my warning.

"Were you then one who let that little devil in here"

"Didn't I tell you to back off"

I start to get arrgrevated when still doesn't listen.

"Don't you trust the devil now,she is part of this Feminist Conspiracy"

Okay now I know this guy is crazy

"Dude last chance to back off before I kick your ass"

He still doesn't listen and begins to ramble. Fed up with him I take my cane and hit pretty hard in the nuts. Low blow I know but this kid needed shut up and get laid.

"Fuckin told ya kid"

As I hobble way I he him say

"Your a goddamn spy I'm on to you"

"Believe what you want kid you'll just end up on the floor again"

I look at a clock leaveing to the dorm to see I am really late for class.

"Should I go get a pass or something"

I think to myself as I go through the court yard I decide to go to class if I need a pass I can just go and get one.

I get up to the 3rd floor pretty easily. I now begin to notice little things in the school like the stairs that are a little wider than most stairs and the handrails along the walls. Kinda comforting in a way for me. Before I know it I'm there at my

classroom. I knock and get a stare but luckly the teacher saw my crutchs and let me in. The rest of class passes without a hitch.

The bell rings and I put my notebooks in my bag and head out. I get to my room and my other roommate is just getting into his room.

"Hey whats up"

He looks at me as is releaved to see me for some reason.

"Finally someone normal"

We both laugh knowing our common nuisance.

"Hi, I'm Dean"

"Oh I'm Hisao Nakai"

We shake hands.

"Heh I doubt that kid will talking to me any time soon"

"You mean Kenji right"

I decide to be sarcastic"

"No the crazy monkey man in closet"

"So you do mean Kenji"

I do have to admit he is pretty witty.

"Hey I heard some more groaning in his room than normal you know whats wrong with him," He asks.

"Oh I hit him in the balls"

I see Hisao try to cover his man jewels

"Thats a low blow"

"Yeah I know but he would not shut up. I wanted to make statment to him"

I don't why but when I said that I remember those keys on my desk.

"Hey can you look at something for me"

"Sure what is it" "Just keep that cane of your away" he says while pointing.

"I promise now come on and I'll show you"

I hobble over and unlock my door and step in. I go to walk with my cane and a trip a little but gain my balance back.

"Whoa hey you okay" Hisao says while trying to catch me.

"Yeah its my condition, my legs numb and I can't move it well"

I hop over to my desk and toss him the keys. He looks for a second.

"Why is there a picture of a lotus on here"

As he said that my heart skipped a beat"

"No way"

"Why,whats this mean," said Hisao while holding my keys.

"No fucking way he got me that"

I start to pat my self down looking for my phone.

"What do you mean got you that"

"I'm calling him right now"

I find my phone and call Steve. I hear the call tone then a click.

"Heh I wonder when you'd call"

"Why in the hell did you get me a car"

"Ohh that thing yeah I figured your seven-teen liveing mildly on your own you need a car"

" Yeah but not a fucking british luxury car. How in the hell did you afford this"

"Oh I got a raise"

"Raise my ass what happened you get promoted to the CEO or something"

He laughs.

"Go ask the headmaster about it"

"You mean its on campus too," I yell.

I hear him just laugh then a click.

I look over I saw Hisao standing there dumbstuck.

"My leg is feeling better,” I said.

“Wanna go for a drive?"
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I'll would like some constructive criticism on this so please leave some.
Devon
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2010 7:27 pm
Location: California

Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Devon »

Mildly entertaining. Seems slightly out of the norm for what I've read recently. Needs some heavy grammatical overhauling.

Other than that, good work. Looking forward to more.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Nice going NOT putting your OC in class 3-3 like everyone else does.
Some grammar issues in the begining and the end; the middle part is a bit better. If you'd like me to proofread your following chapters, just PM them to me.
Also you should try to avoid making your OC into a Mary Sue. His disability is something that might only come up when the plot requires it, so he has to potential to become some kind of superman at this school, if you're not careful. On the other hand, if this is your first fic, it should be easier to write than something like permanent blindness.
Overall a good effort. Looking forward to future installments.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Leotrak
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Leotrak »

Seconding the "Gary Stu" possibility Mirage mentioned. I mean, your OC has a physical problem that's supposed to cause near-constant pain, and he's running around the school as if it's nothing...

Other than that, this seems interesting enough.
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Devon
Posts: 56
Joined: Tue Jul 27, 2010 7:27 pm
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Devon »

Leotrak wrote:Seconding the "Gary Stu" possibility Mirage mentioned. I mean, your OC has a physical problem that's supposed to cause near-constant pain, and he's running around the school as if it's nothing...

Other than that, this seems interesting enough.
With respect, Arachnoiditis, while painful for the majority, has had cases where the patient suffers no pain whatsoever outside of an episode. However, the pain during an episode is so excruciating that it occasionally causes the patient to simply pass out from the pain. If this is how the author is writing it, good on him for doing his research, because cases like these are one in ten thousand or something like that.
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[LaZa]
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by [LaZa] »

Wow, Lots of OC's stories are getting writed and posted, guess I'll have to wait a bit to post mine >.<

Anyways, it was pretty good for the first Fanfic, I suggest you that you double-check grammar for common mistakes, like "Your ; you're" and others the next time.
Poor Kenji got hit in the balls.
...The answer? Use a gun, and if that don't work, use more gun!
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Silentcook
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by Silentcook »

Massive grammatical overhaul required, particularly concerning punctuation, which is lacking. Periods at the end of spoken sentences are NOT optional.

Starting with a character bio is a bad cheat. Instead of building up your character and making readers care about him through narration, you go "here, that's how the guy is supposed to be", then run through a generic day which could be used for pretty much anyone.

Good luck with your future efforts.
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kosherbacon
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Re: Growing Pains(OC)

Post by kosherbacon »

I find that if you hold onto an OC long enough, they'll start to develop in ways you didn't have in mind when doing a character bio, so they shouldn't be considered a substitute for story. These days, I do them mostly for fun, after I've already worked out some of their story and gotten a feel for them.
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