Cherry Blossom - A L/H FF
Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2010 1:24 am
Hey.
My first fic for Katawa Shoujo. Hope you like it.
Nothing much to say, anyway.*shudders*
Ah yes, just that it st, sta--rts ju-st afte, after the end-ing 'Promise of Time'.
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CHERRY BLOSSOM
CHAPTER — 1
Her smile is so innocent and lovely that I actually feel a little disappointed when she looks back at the sky, her eyes close and a wistful expression on her face.
I follow the gesture and look at the sky. The last of fireworks have ended. Now, puffs and small clouds of black, grey and purple smoke are lingering in the sky and there is even a faint almost unnoticeable smell of gun powder in the air.
As I look in the sky, I think about today’s event. Today has been one of the happiest days of my life, in which I didn’t create a scene and ended in a hospital.
Looking in the night sky somehow makes me sad, sad that the day is over. I really enjoyed spending time with Hanako and Lilly. Thinking about Lilly, I just can’t resist the urge to look at her. So, I chance a furtive glance at Lily.
She is still looking up in the sky. Her blonde hairs are swaying lazily in the night breeze. She really seems to enjoy this, because there was a little smile on her face. Not the one she almost always have on her face, but a very natural and contented smile. Like she is happy here, truly happy and don’t have a worry in the world.
Lilly stirs a little and I snap my head up, noticing for the first time that I was staring at her with so much intensity that I don’t even notice Hanako moving to Lilly’s side.
My face is flushed red with embarrassment. My mind is filled with a ton of questions and all seem to be along the same line.
Did Hanako see me staring at Lilly?
Every passing reel of the thought flushes my cheeks redder. I feel like a child caught stealing his favourite candy. I sigh, fidgeting on my feet.
Trying to give my mind to think about something other than Lilly and my obvious embarrassment, I look around. And for the first time I notice that the school ground are mostly empty now. Peoples are milling out of the gate, exchanging hugs and pleasantries with the staff and students. Some of them are even crying, obviously over leaving their children again.
And at this moment, I feel a pang of disappointment in my heart. My parents haven’t come. It’s not like I told them in the first place, but I have an excuse ready.
I was busy, extremely busy trying to fit in the new atmosphere of Yamaku.
The excuse is lame, and I know it. Everyone here seems to be a little too accepting, seeing the fact that I rarely tried to initiate a conversation for talking, not for asking help or directions. And this thing about
Yamaku is the best…
Before I could continue my line of thought, I feel like someone is shaking me. Snapping out of my reverie, I look at the general direction from which I’m feeling the gentle shaking.
My eyes meet with Lilly blue eyes, which are fixed in my direction. I blush at the eye contact and for a nasty moment I feel relieved that she is blind.
Feeling guilty on even the thought, I ask her, as gently as possible, “What?”
Lilly smiles, pulls her hand away from my shoulder and says, “We should head in. Festival had ended and we all have classes tomorrow.”
I sheepishly rub the back of my neck, letting out a long yawn.
“You are probably right. We should head in.”
I look at the smoke clouded night sky for a moment, pleading for the time to stop. But it doesn’t and soon I hear the tap of a cane.
Smiling to myself, for reasons unknown even to me, I head to the dorms with Lilly and Hanako. We soon reach the point where the three of is have to part ways, or precisely I have to part ways with Lilly and Hanako.
I stop and look at both of them almost pleadingly. I don’t want to say good night, fearing that if I say that, I will wake up in the morning and will found myself in confides of the hospital. This thought makes shiver run down my spine. Not wanting the silence to be too awkward, I say in a whisper,
“Good night Lilly, Hanako.”
“Good night,”; “Night,” are their responses.
I turn around with a jerk, noting that my legs have suddenly become twenty times heavier than before. It takes all my willpower to take the first couple of steps. I don’t even stop when I hear a thump. I just glance over my shoulder to confirm that the source of the noise isn’t one of them.
I slouch off to my room, stopping in my tracks when I saw the closed door of Kenji room. I feel a little sorry for him. After all he has missed quite an eventful day.
So deciding to check on him, I rap my knuckles on his door.
Knock, knock.
No answer. Not even a shuffling sound comes from behind the doorway. If I haven’t known I would have said that no one lived here. But sadly a person lives here and even though he is a bit crazy he is a good person.
So I knock again, a little loudly this time.
Knock, KNOCK.
I wait for a response. Minutes passed but no sound comes from inside. Maybe he is asleep. Even standing here is making my eyelid feel like someone has attached a kilo of weight on them.
It was taking all of my remaining strength to stand up straight. Deciding that he is asleep, I start taking tentative steps towards my room, not trusting my sense of orientation.
And then I heard the slowly creaking of many locks. Cursing my luck, I turn around; all the while trying a best approach to quickly brush-off Kenji.
I stop dead in my tracks when I hear the rhythmic tap of a cane on the floor.
Laughing at my own foolishness, I look at Kenji’s door. The lock opening process is taking longer than usual, like he has added a dozen of locks. Knowing Kenji I won’t put it past him.
But the tap, tap of the cane in the background is making my sleep and boredom flutter into inexistence. I smile at my own foolishness again. There are many other blind students here, not just Lily.
I shake my head and for a second thought about kicking the door open. Stamping on this thought, I decide to count to five in my head.
One…
Two…
Three…
Four…
F—
“Hisao.”
The sweet voice breaks through my thoughts and I’m most happy about it. It turns out that my mind wasn’t wrong when it anticipated it was Lilly. I turn to look at Lilly and feel a gust of air whip my face and a slam that soon follows. It was like someone has closed a door in a hurry and with a snap I remember about Kenji. Somewhere in my mind I’m happy about it. I don’t want Kenji to scare both of them away or worse let them think that I am like him.
Seeing her with my own eyes make it sort of more real. My breath hitches a bit, but I manage to calm it.
“What brings you here Lilly — Hanako?” I add seeing Hanako behind Lilly.
“Your wallet fell off when we parted,” Lily says this casually, extending my wallet. My finger brushes with the skin of her palm and I felt jolt of current running the length of my body. I clearly feel the thumping of my heart against my ribcage. I vividly remember what have happened that time as images from that evening comes rushing in my vision.
Gulping, I say, “And what took you so long?”
It is a desperate measure and I know it. But I just have to do something, something to get my heart back on the line.
“We were just deciding that what to do with it.” Saying this Lilly pause, a smile on her face; leaving me to ponder on her double meaning statement.
Just when I’m going to say something, Lilly continues, “We just couldn’t decide when to give you your wallet back, so we decided to come now and give it to you. Is it fine?” She added, sounding worried.
Honestly, I can think of many worse things, then two girls coming to me to return my wallet. And it doesn’t bother that the aforementioned girls are cute.
I lean against the door, the silence between us becoming more and more awkward by every passing second.
“Is it your r—room?” Hanako asks, pointing at Kenji’s room.
I look at the door taking some steps towards my room. I open the door, make a sweeping gesture in my room and ask, “Will you mind coming in?”
As the words registers with my mind, my face burns red as I drop my gaze to the floor and added, “If you don’t mind, that is.”
I half-heartedly wished for hearing a no. I glance up at them, when no answer comes for moment.
Hanako looks like she may say no and Lilly have unreadable expressions on her face.
Feeling guilty than it is healthy for an individual, I say to both of them, “Forget I even said that. Good night.”
As soon as I say this, I enter my room and idly push the door in the doorjamb. I don’t hear the slam of the door which I probably should have. Feeling a bit groggy, I look at the door my eyes already half-closed and unfocused.
But as soon as they sweep over the door, they freeze and became wide as a jumble mess of emotions rake through my brain. The door was pushed open, and in the doorway stood Lilly, Hanako just behind her.
“We were thinking that you will invite us in,” Lilly says.
I’m amazed. It is one of the rare times she fully unfolds herself in front of me, and right now to be honest, it somehow irritates me. Maybe it is lack of sleep, maybe it is the blunt invasion of my privacy or some other unknown reason, but I become a bit irritated.
Then a rational voice said in my head, ‘You invited them in, after all.’
Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed what Lilly is saying, “… and after all it is courtesy to invite someone in, when they have done something good to you or for you.”
I seriously don’t know about the rule of courtesies but I have got a feeling that this one is made up. Though I don’t voice my thought.
“Okay.”
I say this almost resignedly as traces of sleep catches up with me. My eyes are once again unfocussed and I have to slap my hand in order to find my alarm clock. After all I have to go to the track tomorrow to exercise.
As I think about it, I decide that skipping it won’t hurt. After all what good use will it do, if I just nod-off on the tracks. Feeling quite happy and relived, I eye my bed wistfully. I glance at the clock and my jaws fell open in terror.
Only 10 seconds have passed since I let Lilly and Hanako enter and here I was thinking that 10 hours have passed at the least.
I turn to the girls, to bluntly tell them to clear off. I sway on my feet and have to throw an arm on the nearby table to help me keep upright. My hand smashes against something curvy and send them flying in air. A crash soon followed and with groggy eyes, I realise that I have send the bottle of my medications flying in the room.
Sighing heavily, I bent to pick the closer one of the strewn bottles.
“What was that?” Lily voice makes me stop dead in my track.
My first impulse is to lie, a white lie which could easily pass because Lilly is blind. I feel a little guilty but it is soon encompassed by my pride.
I open my mouth to repeat my well rehearsed lie, when I suddenly remember that I have told her everything about my condition.
Not reaching a firm decision in time, I just look at both of them. Hanako still don’t know anything about my heart problem and I somehow trust that Lilly wouldn’t have told her. And the confused expression on Hanako face is confirming my belief.
“Cardio…”
Hanako hums and I move hastily toward the said bottle, deciding on the spot that everything is better if kept in warps. But Hanako beat me by a second. Before I can even reach the bottle, Hanako has cradled the bottle in her hands, reading the finer printed details.
I look around the room and hastily start to pick the other half dozen bottles. I don’t want them to have more proofs using which they can taunt me to answer.
“You have a heart problem,” Hanako says. I can’t decide if it is a statement or a question. So, I choose to keep quite.
Time continues to trickle and my sleep addled eyes are now fully awake.
After some moments of silence, Hanako says, “You have Arrhythmia, don’t you?”
I look at her in complete horror. How she has known this? Because none of the medication bottles state anything about the name of my disease.
“How do you know that?” I ask her, almost accusingly. The sting in my word is prominent and at the end of sentence I turn toward Lilly, feeling betrayed. Because I haven’t even thought that she will betray my confidence like that.
Hanako visible shudder at my words, and the carefree and slightly less shy behaviour she has been using around me, is now again in wraps of shyness… and maybe fear.
“I — read ab—out i—t — in a, a book,” Hanako splutters out the word, her eyes darting back and forth from the open door to me.
A white lie to cover Lilly’s betrayal. My blood starts to boil at this statement and I can feel the initial stages of anger building in me.
So, I ask again, with more sting in my words, “And why will you read a heart disease related book?”
I look at Lilly again. Her face is a little pale and she is wearing an incredulous expression. No one have until now seen my anger and I have actually hoped that no one will. But when have my wishes been fulfilled?
I look away from Lilly, feeling more and more betrayed by every passing second. Hanako cower a little as my eyes bore into her eyes, demanding an answer.
“Li—lly asked — m—e to.”
Saying that Hanako make a dash towards the door. But unfortunately for her, I have already have this experience before and I am more than ready. I swiftly slam the door shut, as her statements registers in my mind. It is confusing me, a lot. Lilly have asked her?
I again with inhumanly intensity bore my eyes in Hanako eyes, demanding an explanation. A voice answers my queries, but it isn’t of Hanako, it is of Lilly.
“I ask her to,” Lilly says, her voice a little cold and distant, “That particular book was not available in Braille and I wanted to read it.”
She is so vague about the answer that I feel more confuse than before. I gulp, looking at her and praying that she will feel the intensity of my gaze and explain it.
But no answer comes. Lilly swiftly unfolds her cane, taps it on the ground. Hanako wraps an arm around her shoulders and guide her out of the room, leaving me alone with my misery which I have created for myself.
The door closes silently, only a soft thump emanating when the door crashed in the doorjamb. The clock strikes eleven, but I truthfully can’t care less. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. My actions now felt wrong, completely out of place. None of the students here hide their disabilities, they live with them. And here I am, trying to hide my disability in the hope that if less people know about it, it will be easier to ignore it.
I feel blood pumping in my heart and the pumping is really loud and forceful. It’s like my heart is trying to break free from my ribcage. The night wind raps against my window pane, a pleasant gust slipping in from the crack between the window sill and frame.
I replay the conversation in my head, trying to make sense of all the problems I have created around me. Everything was going fine until I have started to behave like a brat.
“I read about it in a book.”
“Lilly asked me to.”
“I ask her to. That particular book was not available in Braille and I wanted to read it.”
As this three sentence play in my mind, I connect the dots. It was simple, so simple that I feel like I should just throttle myself for not understanding it before.
Lily had asked Hanako to read the book about heart problems because she is worried about me. She couldn’t do it herself because the book was not available in Braille.
And what have I done in return. I feel the pace of my heartbeat slowing as guilt and self-loathing takes over me. I have infuriated the only two people I can call friend here, possibly to never return.
Now no longer sleep taunted me because the taunting of the sleep is now replaced by taunting of guilt and self-loathing, which I clearly deserve.
Feeling a need to make amends as quickly as possible, I stand up hastily and dash towards the girl dorms. But my dash is interrupted by a firm hand over my shoulder. I turn around, irritated and ask the person, “What?”
“I should be asking this,” said the man, who look like he is around forty, “Why are you running around this late? Go in your room.”
“I have to talk to someone,” I reply, gasping for breath.
The man pushes me bodily in the corridor and says, “In morning.”
I want to shout at him, say that it is just too important. But I can’t because the man walks away and secondly, I suddenly feel weak. Not even wanting to move, I lean against the wall, wincing a little when the coldness of the brick stings my back. Somehow I feel I deserve it.
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Hope you liked the chapter because I can only hope.
Tell me what you think about it.
My first fic for Katawa Shoujo. Hope you like it.
Nothing much to say, anyway.*shudders*
Ah yes, just that it st, sta--rts ju-st afte, after the end-ing 'Promise of Time'.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHERRY BLOSSOM
CHAPTER — 1
Her smile is so innocent and lovely that I actually feel a little disappointed when she looks back at the sky, her eyes close and a wistful expression on her face.
I follow the gesture and look at the sky. The last of fireworks have ended. Now, puffs and small clouds of black, grey and purple smoke are lingering in the sky and there is even a faint almost unnoticeable smell of gun powder in the air.
As I look in the sky, I think about today’s event. Today has been one of the happiest days of my life, in which I didn’t create a scene and ended in a hospital.
Looking in the night sky somehow makes me sad, sad that the day is over. I really enjoyed spending time with Hanako and Lilly. Thinking about Lilly, I just can’t resist the urge to look at her. So, I chance a furtive glance at Lily.
She is still looking up in the sky. Her blonde hairs are swaying lazily in the night breeze. She really seems to enjoy this, because there was a little smile on her face. Not the one she almost always have on her face, but a very natural and contented smile. Like she is happy here, truly happy and don’t have a worry in the world.
Lilly stirs a little and I snap my head up, noticing for the first time that I was staring at her with so much intensity that I don’t even notice Hanako moving to Lilly’s side.
My face is flushed red with embarrassment. My mind is filled with a ton of questions and all seem to be along the same line.
Did Hanako see me staring at Lilly?
Every passing reel of the thought flushes my cheeks redder. I feel like a child caught stealing his favourite candy. I sigh, fidgeting on my feet.
Trying to give my mind to think about something other than Lilly and my obvious embarrassment, I look around. And for the first time I notice that the school ground are mostly empty now. Peoples are milling out of the gate, exchanging hugs and pleasantries with the staff and students. Some of them are even crying, obviously over leaving their children again.
And at this moment, I feel a pang of disappointment in my heart. My parents haven’t come. It’s not like I told them in the first place, but I have an excuse ready.
I was busy, extremely busy trying to fit in the new atmosphere of Yamaku.
The excuse is lame, and I know it. Everyone here seems to be a little too accepting, seeing the fact that I rarely tried to initiate a conversation for talking, not for asking help or directions. And this thing about
Yamaku is the best…
Before I could continue my line of thought, I feel like someone is shaking me. Snapping out of my reverie, I look at the general direction from which I’m feeling the gentle shaking.
My eyes meet with Lilly blue eyes, which are fixed in my direction. I blush at the eye contact and for a nasty moment I feel relieved that she is blind.
Feeling guilty on even the thought, I ask her, as gently as possible, “What?”
Lilly smiles, pulls her hand away from my shoulder and says, “We should head in. Festival had ended and we all have classes tomorrow.”
I sheepishly rub the back of my neck, letting out a long yawn.
“You are probably right. We should head in.”
I look at the smoke clouded night sky for a moment, pleading for the time to stop. But it doesn’t and soon I hear the tap of a cane.
Smiling to myself, for reasons unknown even to me, I head to the dorms with Lilly and Hanako. We soon reach the point where the three of is have to part ways, or precisely I have to part ways with Lilly and Hanako.
I stop and look at both of them almost pleadingly. I don’t want to say good night, fearing that if I say that, I will wake up in the morning and will found myself in confides of the hospital. This thought makes shiver run down my spine. Not wanting the silence to be too awkward, I say in a whisper,
“Good night Lilly, Hanako.”
“Good night,”; “Night,” are their responses.
I turn around with a jerk, noting that my legs have suddenly become twenty times heavier than before. It takes all my willpower to take the first couple of steps. I don’t even stop when I hear a thump. I just glance over my shoulder to confirm that the source of the noise isn’t one of them.
I slouch off to my room, stopping in my tracks when I saw the closed door of Kenji room. I feel a little sorry for him. After all he has missed quite an eventful day.
So deciding to check on him, I rap my knuckles on his door.
Knock, knock.
No answer. Not even a shuffling sound comes from behind the doorway. If I haven’t known I would have said that no one lived here. But sadly a person lives here and even though he is a bit crazy he is a good person.
So I knock again, a little loudly this time.
Knock, KNOCK.
I wait for a response. Minutes passed but no sound comes from inside. Maybe he is asleep. Even standing here is making my eyelid feel like someone has attached a kilo of weight on them.
It was taking all of my remaining strength to stand up straight. Deciding that he is asleep, I start taking tentative steps towards my room, not trusting my sense of orientation.
And then I heard the slowly creaking of many locks. Cursing my luck, I turn around; all the while trying a best approach to quickly brush-off Kenji.
I stop dead in my tracks when I hear the rhythmic tap of a cane on the floor.
Laughing at my own foolishness, I look at Kenji’s door. The lock opening process is taking longer than usual, like he has added a dozen of locks. Knowing Kenji I won’t put it past him.
But the tap, tap of the cane in the background is making my sleep and boredom flutter into inexistence. I smile at my own foolishness again. There are many other blind students here, not just Lily.
I shake my head and for a second thought about kicking the door open. Stamping on this thought, I decide to count to five in my head.
One…
Two…
Three…
Four…
F—
“Hisao.”
The sweet voice breaks through my thoughts and I’m most happy about it. It turns out that my mind wasn’t wrong when it anticipated it was Lilly. I turn to look at Lilly and feel a gust of air whip my face and a slam that soon follows. It was like someone has closed a door in a hurry and with a snap I remember about Kenji. Somewhere in my mind I’m happy about it. I don’t want Kenji to scare both of them away or worse let them think that I am like him.
Seeing her with my own eyes make it sort of more real. My breath hitches a bit, but I manage to calm it.
“What brings you here Lilly — Hanako?” I add seeing Hanako behind Lilly.
“Your wallet fell off when we parted,” Lily says this casually, extending my wallet. My finger brushes with the skin of her palm and I felt jolt of current running the length of my body. I clearly feel the thumping of my heart against my ribcage. I vividly remember what have happened that time as images from that evening comes rushing in my vision.
Gulping, I say, “And what took you so long?”
It is a desperate measure and I know it. But I just have to do something, something to get my heart back on the line.
“We were just deciding that what to do with it.” Saying this Lilly pause, a smile on her face; leaving me to ponder on her double meaning statement.
Just when I’m going to say something, Lilly continues, “We just couldn’t decide when to give you your wallet back, so we decided to come now and give it to you. Is it fine?” She added, sounding worried.
Honestly, I can think of many worse things, then two girls coming to me to return my wallet. And it doesn’t bother that the aforementioned girls are cute.
I lean against the door, the silence between us becoming more and more awkward by every passing second.
“Is it your r—room?” Hanako asks, pointing at Kenji’s room.
I look at the door taking some steps towards my room. I open the door, make a sweeping gesture in my room and ask, “Will you mind coming in?”
As the words registers with my mind, my face burns red as I drop my gaze to the floor and added, “If you don’t mind, that is.”
I half-heartedly wished for hearing a no. I glance up at them, when no answer comes for moment.
Hanako looks like she may say no and Lilly have unreadable expressions on her face.
Feeling guilty than it is healthy for an individual, I say to both of them, “Forget I even said that. Good night.”
As soon as I say this, I enter my room and idly push the door in the doorjamb. I don’t hear the slam of the door which I probably should have. Feeling a bit groggy, I look at the door my eyes already half-closed and unfocused.
But as soon as they sweep over the door, they freeze and became wide as a jumble mess of emotions rake through my brain. The door was pushed open, and in the doorway stood Lilly, Hanako just behind her.
“We were thinking that you will invite us in,” Lilly says.
I’m amazed. It is one of the rare times she fully unfolds herself in front of me, and right now to be honest, it somehow irritates me. Maybe it is lack of sleep, maybe it is the blunt invasion of my privacy or some other unknown reason, but I become a bit irritated.
Then a rational voice said in my head, ‘You invited them in, after all.’
Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed what Lilly is saying, “… and after all it is courtesy to invite someone in, when they have done something good to you or for you.”
I seriously don’t know about the rule of courtesies but I have got a feeling that this one is made up. Though I don’t voice my thought.
“Okay.”
I say this almost resignedly as traces of sleep catches up with me. My eyes are once again unfocussed and I have to slap my hand in order to find my alarm clock. After all I have to go to the track tomorrow to exercise.
As I think about it, I decide that skipping it won’t hurt. After all what good use will it do, if I just nod-off on the tracks. Feeling quite happy and relived, I eye my bed wistfully. I glance at the clock and my jaws fell open in terror.
Only 10 seconds have passed since I let Lilly and Hanako enter and here I was thinking that 10 hours have passed at the least.
I turn to the girls, to bluntly tell them to clear off. I sway on my feet and have to throw an arm on the nearby table to help me keep upright. My hand smashes against something curvy and send them flying in air. A crash soon followed and with groggy eyes, I realise that I have send the bottle of my medications flying in the room.
Sighing heavily, I bent to pick the closer one of the strewn bottles.
“What was that?” Lily voice makes me stop dead in my track.
My first impulse is to lie, a white lie which could easily pass because Lilly is blind. I feel a little guilty but it is soon encompassed by my pride.
I open my mouth to repeat my well rehearsed lie, when I suddenly remember that I have told her everything about my condition.
Not reaching a firm decision in time, I just look at both of them. Hanako still don’t know anything about my heart problem and I somehow trust that Lilly wouldn’t have told her. And the confused expression on Hanako face is confirming my belief.
“Cardio…”
Hanako hums and I move hastily toward the said bottle, deciding on the spot that everything is better if kept in warps. But Hanako beat me by a second. Before I can even reach the bottle, Hanako has cradled the bottle in her hands, reading the finer printed details.
I look around the room and hastily start to pick the other half dozen bottles. I don’t want them to have more proofs using which they can taunt me to answer.
“You have a heart problem,” Hanako says. I can’t decide if it is a statement or a question. So, I choose to keep quite.
Time continues to trickle and my sleep addled eyes are now fully awake.
After some moments of silence, Hanako says, “You have Arrhythmia, don’t you?”
I look at her in complete horror. How she has known this? Because none of the medication bottles state anything about the name of my disease.
“How do you know that?” I ask her, almost accusingly. The sting in my word is prominent and at the end of sentence I turn toward Lilly, feeling betrayed. Because I haven’t even thought that she will betray my confidence like that.
Hanako visible shudder at my words, and the carefree and slightly less shy behaviour she has been using around me, is now again in wraps of shyness… and maybe fear.
“I — read ab—out i—t — in a, a book,” Hanako splutters out the word, her eyes darting back and forth from the open door to me.
A white lie to cover Lilly’s betrayal. My blood starts to boil at this statement and I can feel the initial stages of anger building in me.
So, I ask again, with more sting in my words, “And why will you read a heart disease related book?”
I look at Lilly again. Her face is a little pale and she is wearing an incredulous expression. No one have until now seen my anger and I have actually hoped that no one will. But when have my wishes been fulfilled?
I look away from Lilly, feeling more and more betrayed by every passing second. Hanako cower a little as my eyes bore into her eyes, demanding an answer.
“Li—lly asked — m—e to.”
Saying that Hanako make a dash towards the door. But unfortunately for her, I have already have this experience before and I am more than ready. I swiftly slam the door shut, as her statements registers in my mind. It is confusing me, a lot. Lilly have asked her?
I again with inhumanly intensity bore my eyes in Hanako eyes, demanding an explanation. A voice answers my queries, but it isn’t of Hanako, it is of Lilly.
“I ask her to,” Lilly says, her voice a little cold and distant, “That particular book was not available in Braille and I wanted to read it.”
She is so vague about the answer that I feel more confuse than before. I gulp, looking at her and praying that she will feel the intensity of my gaze and explain it.
But no answer comes. Lilly swiftly unfolds her cane, taps it on the ground. Hanako wraps an arm around her shoulders and guide her out of the room, leaving me alone with my misery which I have created for myself.
The door closes silently, only a soft thump emanating when the door crashed in the doorjamb. The clock strikes eleven, but I truthfully can’t care less. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. My actions now felt wrong, completely out of place. None of the students here hide their disabilities, they live with them. And here I am, trying to hide my disability in the hope that if less people know about it, it will be easier to ignore it.
I feel blood pumping in my heart and the pumping is really loud and forceful. It’s like my heart is trying to break free from my ribcage. The night wind raps against my window pane, a pleasant gust slipping in from the crack between the window sill and frame.
I replay the conversation in my head, trying to make sense of all the problems I have created around me. Everything was going fine until I have started to behave like a brat.
“I read about it in a book.”
“Lilly asked me to.”
“I ask her to. That particular book was not available in Braille and I wanted to read it.”
As this three sentence play in my mind, I connect the dots. It was simple, so simple that I feel like I should just throttle myself for not understanding it before.
Lily had asked Hanako to read the book about heart problems because she is worried about me. She couldn’t do it herself because the book was not available in Braille.
And what have I done in return. I feel the pace of my heartbeat slowing as guilt and self-loathing takes over me. I have infuriated the only two people I can call friend here, possibly to never return.
Now no longer sleep taunted me because the taunting of the sleep is now replaced by taunting of guilt and self-loathing, which I clearly deserve.
Feeling a need to make amends as quickly as possible, I stand up hastily and dash towards the girl dorms. But my dash is interrupted by a firm hand over my shoulder. I turn around, irritated and ask the person, “What?”
“I should be asking this,” said the man, who look like he is around forty, “Why are you running around this late? Go in your room.”
“I have to talk to someone,” I reply, gasping for breath.
The man pushes me bodily in the corridor and says, “In morning.”
I want to shout at him, say that it is just too important. But I can’t because the man walks away and secondly, I suddenly feel weak. Not even wanting to move, I lean against the wall, wincing a little when the coldness of the brick stings my back. Somehow I feel I deserve it.
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Hope you liked the chapter because I can only hope.
Tell me what you think about it.