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Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Deep 12*

Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 6:01 am
by Nyr
Very nice stories, just read both of them and was very enjoyed by the stories. I liked how you stayed close to the characters, and your description of scenes is superb. You also seem to have a very nice feeling for humor, adding it only at brilliant times. However, a small part bugs me in the Hanako part. I know you're trying to add the stuttering aspect of Hanako, which I can enjoy greatly, but in this part it's more of a bother than great.
“I-I didn’t know until I g-got to the h-hospital, b-but Daddy had p-protected me from m-most of the blast. B-because of that, he was m-much worse off than m-myself. H-his entire back was engulfed in f-flames. He was l-limping a bit b-because a chunk of m-metal had pierced h-his leg and shoulder. The f-flames had instantly scorched his h-hair off and m-melted his ears. I c-could see him g-grimacing f-from the pain, but h-he didn’t scream or c-cry. He was m-making his way t-towards me. O-once he r-reached me, he fell to the f-floor and tried to put my f-fire out, before h-his own. M-most of my flames had s-stopped because my c-clothes had b-burned off, or had grafted t-to my skin. He was t-try to put out the f-flames on my f-face. I was p-pleading with h-him to make it s-stop.”
To be honest, in long parts like this, it somewhat irritates me after a while. A solution to this would be to use it less, though in the context it would be strange for her not to stutter as much, since it's about her past and recalling such events is probably very troublesome. What I'd do to stop the repetitiveness, is to add small sentences between what she says. An example:

'I-I didn't know until I got to the h-hospital, but daddy...' She paused for a second as she wept a tear out of her face, 'Daddy had protected me from most of the b-blast.'

Furthermore, you seem to have 'overstuttered' most parts. I think you should add the stutters mostly on parts which are troublesome for her, such as talking about her dad or the fire which harmed her so. It's not wrong to do it besides those, but too much is mostly bothersome for the reader, since it makes it hard to read in my opinion. But this is probably mostly different from writer to writer, because some prefer it this way, while others prefer it the other way.

But besides that, these stories are great. Not only greatly written, but funny at times as well. Please keep writing, I love your work.

edit: Oh, way to go, somebody else already commented on it. Yay me! *feels silly*

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Deep 12*

Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 7:42 am
by Leotrak
GG Crono wrote:
Rin continued to stare at the painting that she “created” with her dainty little feet. Okay, maybe not *that* dainty; however, she knew how to work the kinks out of my back after running through the “Emi Gauntlet.”
SOMEBODY DRAW THIS.

Seriously, somebody draw this O.O


That said... You, my good sir, are amazing. I'd take my hat off for you if I wore one, invisible or not.

I really enjoyed what you did with Hanako there (no pun or any other kind of lame joke intended). It was a really touching story, for me, anyway. And, well, just enough sappiness to make me go all gooey inside ">_>
You also seem to have a great grasp on Rin. More than you let yourself admit, I think. And well, a better grasp than me, anyway. Anyway, your Rin story had me giggling like mad 8)

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Deep 12*

Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 5:08 pm
by PharaohSauron
Leotrak wrote:You also seem to have a great grasp on Rin. More than you let yourself admit, I think. And well, a better grasp than me, anyway. Anyway, your Rin story had me giggling like mad 8)
I do operate with a reasonable amount of sanity; although, by what you said, that might not be the right amount... :twisted:

No, I believe Rin and I think almost the same way. For example, I overheard someone ask their companion whether they had everything they needed (with them was implied), and I started to think, "what if that person didn't have everything they felt they needed," which then led me on a tangent on the philosophical/psychological difference between wants and needs.

At least I made you laugh; even I started laughing at how perverse I was describing things; even a few double entendres snuck in without me realizing it until I proofread it.

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Deep 12*

Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 1:46 am
by kosherbacon
Wow. That is some of the most quotable Rin I've ever seen.


:lol: "Little Hicchan..." I wonder if Misha is the one who came up with that name... :P

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Deep 12*

Posted: Sat May 29, 2010 11:27 am
by Leotrak
PharaohSauron wrote:I do operate with a reasonable amount of insanity; although, by what you said, that might not be the right amount... :twisted:
Fixed 8)


As you can see here, I'm of a firm belief that "sanity" is grossly overrated :twisted:

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 2:53 am
by PharaohSauron
And now, the main event: a multi-chaptered story! Oh, I wonder what it could about? Have fun trying to guess who I picked for each of our heroes.
But first, I must bore you with exposition. So much so, that it's the name of the first chapter.


Fate/Crippled Codes

Chapter One: Exposition

“…Well, this should prove interesting, in any case,” I said, as I was fanning myself with a piece of paper. I, along with Shizune, Misha, Rin, Emi, Hanako, and Lily, all sat inside the student council room as we discussed our upcoming appointment. Shizune had turned the fan on, but with the amount of people in such a small room, it was all for naught.

School had just returned in session after having all of August off for summer vacation. I was unusually busy this summer, in that I had been invited to spend time with each of the girls, either while they were still in town before leaving for their family home, or getting invited to a family outing. I was honored, but I seemed to get a sense that I happened to be the first “real” friend any of the girls have had in quite a long time. The particulars are for another time, but needless to say, I worked on my persuasion and time management skills A LOT during break.

However, my active summer was not the odd thing; it was what lay in store for several members of the town, and specifically Rin, Emi, Hanako, Lily, Shizune, Misha, and me. You see, about three days after restarting the semester, the school principal called the entire student council, meaning Shizune, Misha, and myself, as well as Hanako, Lily, Rin, and Emi, to the student council room for a private meeting. After we got situated, Ms. Yamaku spoke:

“First of all, I hope you had a wonderful summer break. Second, I assume that most of you have noticed several renovations scattered throughout the grounds. Most of these have been improvements to better suit the student body needs, as was brought to my desk prior to the break.”

We, the Three Musketeers, had written up a list of improvements and suggestions that were brought up by various students, which I then delivered to the principal. Some of these improvements included updating the ramps for wheelchairs, installing air conditioners in all the dorm rooms, and updating the art that hangs in the hallways; apparently, some students were getting queasy, or insane, from “certain portraits” in the halls. Some suggestions, such as adding whiskey to the vending machines, never made it to the list and were flat-out ignored.

“The reason we were able add these improvements so fast was the reason why I called all of you here,” Ms. Yamaku continued, while I snapped out of my flashback. “As you may know, this school is supported by donations through various charities, companies, and caring individuals. About three times a year, I have a board meeting with representatives from those donators, and we go over budget concerns and what-not.”

“Now, some of these individuals wish to remain anonymous, for whatever reason, and one representative handles all of their business. However, after the school broke for vacation and we began the meeting, one of the anonymous decided to show up. After the concerns that you,” Ms. Yamaku gestured toward us council members, “wrote up were addressed, that young man said he would pay for all of it. Needless to say, the representatives and I were shocked. He added that his fellow patrons could contribute, if they wished, but suggested that they save the money for the more-constant needs, like bills and such. He also asked some for assistance in a side-project he was preparing to base in the town. The only stipulation he had was, in exchange for all those upgrades, he wanted a list of students enrolled here.”

She continued, “That is why he mentioned the side-project to us; he needed assistance with scouting a location, procuring resources, building a facility, and other such… non-monetary needs. Sufficed to say, I agreed to the list, and by the end of the rest of the meeting he had found the students best suited for his… experiment. I’m sorry I can’t phrase that any better. Well, I’m sure that you have figured out that’s why I asked all of you here into the student council room. You are the ones he has asked to assist him in his project.”

“Do you have any idea what he wants us to do?” Misha spoke for Shizune, as she began signing her questions to the principal. Normally, requests for information such as students enrolled would be suspicious, but this was one of the biggest contributors asking, and he sounded legit. Also, it’s not likely that he could remember everyone in the entire list.

“Unfortunately, no, but he did mention that it would benefit the school and town once completed. He has asked for you to visit the site Sunday afternoon, meaning tomorrow. It is located somewhat near the undeveloped section of town, near the river. You’ll know him when you see him; he has a rather… unusual… way about him.”

“Very well, Ms. Yamaku; we shall go see if we will be of any use to him, especially if it will benefit the school,” Shizune stated. With a bow, Ms. Yamaku left the council room. That left us some time to discuss the particulars of this upcoming meeting. Now that we’re back up to speed…

“WAHAHA!!! Ohh, doesn’t this sound exciting, Hicchan?” Dropping the polite mask when dealing with someone like Ms. Yamaku, Misha went back to her normal self. Unfortunately, as her question was directed toward me, I probably ruptured an eardrum.

“This does seem rather odd, though,” Shizune signed as she began to analyze the situation. “Why would someone, who chose to remain anonymous for such a long time, finally show himself, offer all that money, and ask for some students to help him in a project?”

“Maybe he was hiding because he’s one of those ‘deformed-but-good-guy’ types; a hideous face, but a heart of gold!” Misha spoke, as I eyed Hanako at this rather unfortunate faux-pas. Hanako didn’t seem bothered by Misha’s thoughts; probably because this is Misha we’re talking about. As I scanned the room, Lily was discussing their thoughts on the situation with Hanako; Rin was staring at her toes, curling and uncurling them; Emi was in engaged with Misha in a hyper-conversation; Shizune was trying to bring everything to order, hands and arms flailing. Seeing as how this was beginning to cut into my dinnertime, I spoke:

“Hey, guys; How about we all meet at outside in the courtyard after we eat lunch tomorrow? That way we could all head over toward the river together.” I didn’t mention that if we traveled in a group, we would be less likely to get lost. At least, I hope so. The girls all agreed, and I headed out to the cafeteria, went back to my room, finished the homework, and went off to bed. Not worth recalling, if you ask me.

--------

After having a healthy lunch, as I had coincidentally met up with Emi and Rin in the cafeteria, we waited in the courtyard for the others. The first to arrive were Shizune and Misha.

“So, Shizune, I guess I get to gloat over you now that you’re not the first one here,” I say, trying to rile her feathers a bit as payback for all those times she chewed me out for tardiness.

“Afraid not, Hicchan; such rules don’t apply on Sunday,” Misha stated as Shizune adjusted her glasses on her smug little face. We bantered back and forth until Lily and Hanako arrived a few minutes later, and then we headed out.

“Would you mind leading the way? It would probably be best that the president be the first one to speak with this guy when we get there,” I offer to Shizune. I just hope she doesn’t…

“Sure, Hicchan. I also don’t mind showing all of you where this place is; we wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.” Misha appeared to emphasize that last word. Damn you, Shizune.

We followed Shizune along the pavement, mostly keeping toward the wide streets until we reached the rivers’ edge. This underdeveloped section of town was built up on a hill, with a somewhat steep-angle of hillside leading toward the river. When we got to the freshly paved area, I was somewhat stunned at how pristine this new area was, considering how quickly everything was built. Along the left side of the path were bright cherry-blossom trees, and on the right was a view of river streaming along. Ahead was a three-story facility, still covered with construction tarps in certain spots, and surrounded by barriers and an open gate. Kind of defeats the purpose if you leave it open.

“Maybe he plans to turn us into zombies,” Rin stated, matter-of-factly. Hanako slinks slightly behind Lily’s shoulder at that statement.

“I don’t think so, although this place does seem a little foreboding.” I really wish she hadn’t said that. Even though this place wasn’t here a month ago, it seems deserted. The strong breeze flapping the tarps against the building doesn’t help much.

“Wahaha! This is so exciting! Hey, Shicchan, wait up!” Misha yells out as Shizune continues the trek up to the front door. I notice that there were a few stationary cameras on the poles out in this courtyard area. I wonder how important this thing we are about to do really is; I also wonder if this guy is really with it, what with the cameras, but open gate and lack of security… or anyone at all. The gate could be open because he was expecting us, but there doesn’t seem to be any sign of anyone else here.

“Is something wrong, Hisao?” Lily asks as she stands in front of me, hands folded over the top of her cane. Hanako’s uncovered eye meets mine for a moment before leading Lily along. I guess I was starting to space out.

“No, I was just noticing the lack of people here.”

“Maybe they have the day off,” Emi spoke as she bounded off with Rin, who also was looking rather spacey. “If you hurry up, we can find out what his is all about!”

Shizune and Misha were both waiting inside the doorway, apparently waiting for me. I guess they want the handsome young man to lead them through this weird place. I scanned the room and saw that most of it was covered in plastic; I couldn’t really tell what was under the plastic, except they were large, wide, and some of them had reel tape hanging off of them.

Just as I was about to call out, I remembered something. “Nuts, we didn’t even ask Ms. Yamaku what this guy’s name is.” Lily spoke, saying, “It sounded like she didn’t know his name; he has been an anonymous donator for a while.” Oh, well.

“Hello? Is anyone in here?” I loudly say, trying to aim my voice toward the darkened areas. At that moment, a dull buzz broke the silence. A monitor hummed on, and the words said, “PLEASE ENTER THE ELEVATOR AT THE END OF THE HALLWAY.” At that moment, the doors we entered through from the outside closed shut, and the doors leading to a slightly dark corridor opened. At the end of the hall, the elevator doors opened up.

“Okay, now I’m officially creeped out.” I was just about to say that, when Rin took the words right out of my mouth. I slowly lead the way to the elevator, which automatically closed behind us and began our downward descent. After a few moments, and surprisingly twenty sub-basements later, we reached our destination. As the doors opened, we were greeted by a giant glass wall that stated: L20: LAB – AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. The wall opened up, and behind it was a central hub with six capsule-like beds, covered with a glass dome.

“…dealt with machines just as advanced… technical knowledge over your time there…” A man’s voice echoed through the room; we could barely hear who he was talking too, as some loud noises were coming from the same room he was in. I headed toward that back room, when…

SSSSKKKKRRRRTTTT!!!

A giant electrical bolt jumped from one end of the back room to the other, or at least I assume that’s what it did; I hadn’t reached the door yet. I nearly had a heart attack from the shock of that surprise, no pun intended, and by the looks of them, the girls nearly did as well. Immediately the loud noise ceased, and was replaced by a gentle hum.

“Well, I guess that works; and just in time, too,” the man said. “The guests have arrived.”

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:39 am
by Smoku
I'll take a guess: Lilly- Saber, Emi- Rider, Rin- Lancer, Shizune- Assassin, Misha- Berserker, Hisao- Archer, Hanako- Caster

No clues about heroes names tough. Too much of a choice.

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:11 am
by Xuan
Lily - Saber, Emi - Rider, Rin - Lancer, Shizune - Caster, Misha - Berserker, Hisao - Archer, Hanako - Assassin.

I know we all want to see magical girl Hanako but the wicked streak of Casters can only be continued by one as terrible as Shizune. XD Besides, Hanako does sound of Assassin.

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 6:01 pm
by Leotrak
I'll admit to having no -clue- as to what might happen next, since the only knowledge of Fate/Stay Night I have, is that it exists >_>

That aside... Write moar!! :D

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:07 pm
by Xuan
WTF, as a loyal F/SN, F/HA fan I command you to download these two visual novels right now and read it!

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.1*

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:11 am
by Smoku
Xuan wrote:Lily - Saber, Emi - Rider, Rin - Lancer, Shizune - Caster, Misha - Berserker, Hisao - Archer, Hanako - Assassin.
lol, we are only different in the Shizune/ Hanako choice. I wanna Mahou Shoujo Hanako :D

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.2*

Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 3:27 am
by PharaohSauron
And now the moment you've been waiting for! But first, be honored that the Katawa Shoujo universe is the first that my character sets foot in!
And concerning the character choices, I have my reasons; they will become apparent as we move on. Or if you think about them deeply enough.

Also, Fate/Stay Night SPOILERS. Probably should have put that in the first chapter.


Chapter Two: Introductions


I stand frozen in front of the door, unsure of what to do, and very unsure of how this guy knew we were here when this place is about twenty stories deep and he seems to be the only one here.

“I’ll be out in just a moment; would you kindly wait in the adjacent room while I get cleaned up.”

At that moment, a door slid open, and appeared to be a type of break room/lounge area. Huh. We headed inside and waited a few minutes. While we sat there, we heard a loud noise from the lab, like a gate opening up, followed by the screech of metal-on-metal.

“Sorry for the wait; I forgot there were seven of you here, so I just installed another console,” said the man as he came into the room. There was an audible sound from all of us turning our heads to look at this guy, even from Lily.

Ms. Yamaku was right in saying he has an odd way about him. He was obviously not Japanese, both in dress and looks. He was clad in a white, sleeveless tunic, which ended in (let’s say) creased-kilt form just above his knees. He had a simple leather belt on, although it seemed to match the age of his clothes. On his feet were leather sandals that had braces crisscrossing halfway up his shins. Those were fine, but the oddest thing was that he was wearing a dark red/burgundy cape, with a golden design along the trim and edges, which draped over his shoulders, down his back, and hung just above his ankles.

Compared to us, he was a giant, about six feet tall, but he barely looked any older than us; maybe five years, tops. He also had a light muscular build, which some of the girls hadn’t failed to notice. His features were a bit hard to read, but from what I could tell, he was a Caucasian American with semi-short, slightly messy brown hair, brown eyes, and straight teeth. I assumed that both of his eyes were brown, because the right side of his head was covered in gauze, diagonally around the top of his head, mussing up his hair and covering his right eye. There were some red splotches under some of the gauze.

“Oh, in case you’re wondering, no, this is from an injury I got some time ago; it tends to act up from time to time, usually when I go somewhere new. Odd, isn’t it?” He ended with a warm smile. “Anyone care for a drink while I explain why you’re here?”

Hanako and Lily asked for some tea, Emi and Rin just had water, and Misha, Shizune, and I had some coffee. In keeping with the air of premonition this guy had, he had a pot of coffee and tea already heated; he did leave the accoutrements on the counter for us to use, however.

“First of all, I believe some introductions are in order. You may call me Seraph, and no need to add any honorifics, unless you really want to. If you don’t mind, I would like to call you by your first names, because they are much easier for me to remember than last names, especially here in Japan. I also wouldn’t want to offend any of you on accident,” he explained with sincere inflection in his voice.

“I don’t see anything wrong with that,” said Lily. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Seraph’s mouth glide into a slight smirk; very sharp, I see. Well, of course he’s got a sharp mind; he’s done all of this in a month, hasn’t he? As we each introduced ourselves, Seraph’s visible eye tracked each of us. When I introduced myself, his eye met mine, and for that split second I felt that eye was looking right into my soul. Creepy.

“Hey, Sera-chan, how old are you, exactly? You barely look older than us, but you’ve got all this stuff.” My open palm meets my face as Misha tactlessly asks an inappropriate, but not entirely unwelcome, question.

“Believe it or not, I’m there or about twenty-six years old. My youthful looks give me an ‘in’ with you young people,” he answered dryly. “Now that that’s out of the way, let me explain to you why I am here…” Seraph gave a natural pause before being interrupted.

“Because your parents decided to…” I spaced out as Rin gave her usual “Rin” view on things.

“Not exactly what I meant, but points for partial credit.” Seraph gave another smile, but not as warm as before; perhaps he was preoccupied with a thought?

“Now, I have donated to your school because whether you know it or not, Yamaku Academy was the first school in the entire world designed entirely for disabled students, and to such a degree. I am, among other things, a philanthropist, and I don’t shy away from dropping money like it is going out of style.” I sneak a glance at Shizune, who appears completely enamored by what Seraph is saying, because I remember her blowing money to get me to join the council. A philanthropist, she aien’t.

“One of side projects I have done, in my spare time,” almost spoken sarcastically, “was mostly created to push technology forward, and give me something to do, but I realized its potential when I was reminded of the then-upcoming budget meeting here.”

“What I am working on is basically a videogame emersion system, something that puts you, the player, into the character. You can also change the look and personalities of NPCs to people you know. It can be anything, from going on a quest to take down a corrupt government in an RPG, to wiping out under-developed nations with your much-more advanced nation from the perspective of ‘God’ in a strategy game, blowing off some steam in a shooter, even inserting yourself into visual novels.” Seraph’s eye sort of drifted off toward the left and mouth formed a smirk as he gave that last example. Maybe he was thinking about the sex. “Ah, in case you were wondering about the junk upstairs, the above-ground floors are set to be a type of museum to videogame and computer history, from the world’s first computer up to now.”

“Now, the reason I have chosen you people in particular here is because, when I sped through the list of enrolled students, you seven were the only ones that seemed to have any sort of depth and character to. You also seem to run the gambit of more common disabilities; people with more specific needs would have the program edited as such, but this will be the first real test of any sort on this machine.”

“How did you even make all of this? We don’t even have hologram technology yet,” chirped Emi. “Sorry; that’s classified,” Seraph answered. “Well, not really; I just can’t explain it in a way that would make you believe me. Not yet, anyway.”

“How do you power a place like this?” I asked, mostly expecting the same answer. “Now that I can answer; it is primarily powered by natural means: solar, wind, and water. That is one of the reasons why I had this place built near the river. I tried thermal, but with the delicate nature of the Earth’s plates here in Japan, I wouldn’t want to replace the machines whenever an earthquake breaks them. Far too annoying.”

Shizune asked, “What about when nature isn’t cooperative?”

“I use a type of reactor that I designed myself, and that hasn’t been made public yet.” Seraph answered in a straight face; I don’t know if he was pulling our leg or not. He pushed a button, and a panel flipped, revealing a large monitor.

“Now, the game I have decided to have us play today is one called Fate/Unlimited Codes. It is a fighting game based on the popular visual novel Fate/Stay Night.” I saw Hanako sit up more as he explained. The monitor displayed the roster of characters, rules, and objectives.

“For this test, I have determined which character would be best for each of you, based on various factors. When you are sent into the gaming world, you shall gain the knowledge of that character’s attacks and powers. As for the rules, they are relatively simple: win the match to move on. I have modified the game slightly from the original so that you won’t be facing each other; we don’t want to cause any ‘complications,’ emotional or otherwise, at this stage. Now, if you’d just follow me…”

We followed Seraph back to the main lab room where there were now seven beds surrounding the hub. A large desk with a computer system and several monitors now sat in the corner of the room; I assume that is what will control the system for now. For some reason, I smelt pizza…

“I actually think I don’t need to keep this bandage on now, so if you would wait a moment…” Seraph faced the desk as he began removing the gauze. Depending on what that injury really looks like, I’d have preferred he remove it elsewhere, but I guess he knows best. After removing the gauze and somewhat straightening his hair, he asked someone behind the row of monitors how it looked.

“Looks much better now,” said the feminine voice behind the screens, whose hand grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box next to the mouse. I guess she was having her lunch. As Seraph turned around, Hanako let out an audible gasp. We were surprised by the fact that his right eye was completely different from the left, in that the pupil was a type of dark, almost fire-red, while the sclera, or white part of the eye, was pitch black. “Like I said, this happened a long time ago, and be thankful the rest of the injury cleared up as fast as it did; it is… unsettling to look at.” Seraph grew silent as he appeared to be lost in thought at that statement. However, within an instant, he faced us with a smile on his face.

“Now, if you would kindly hop onto the beds,” he said as he helped guide Lily to hers. “In a moment, we shall begin the game, but first to address some concerns I’ve felt from you regarding your conditions.” He paused, apparently trying to think of the right way to phrase this without offending us. “I’ve modified the codes to adjust for some of your disabilities. Lily, you will be able to ‘sense’ your surroundings much like you do now, but it will be through the power of mana in the air in the game; if you know of American comics, think Daredevil.”

“That sound intriguing,” said Lily, in slight wonder. Turning to Shizune, Seraph managed to surprise us yet again when he began signing to her, as the machines blocked Misha’s view of Shizune, and vice-versa.

“Shizune, Misha may not be able to translate for you while you’re in the middle of a fight, and these character’s special attacks need to be spoken. As such, there will be a type of link between Misha and yourself during your fight; you just have to think the attack name, and Misha will speak it.

“You can count on me, Sera-chan!” Misha, forgetting her inside voice, belted that out toward Seraph, whose’ right eye twitched upon hearing it.

“Emi, the character I have in mind for you doesn’t exactly walk, so that won’t be a problem, although I would ask that you remove your prosthetics; these machines can’t scan inorganic materials yet.” Emi didn’t seem to mind as she happily popped her legs off.

“Rin, the same goes for you…”

“I already took my arms off,” Rin said, as she waved a stump for emphasis.

“I mean that the person I have in mind for you doesn’t exactly use her arms to fight. I’d still ask for you to take them off, anyway,” he slyly remarked. Ooh, someone on par with Rin’s comments; very intriguing.

“Hisao, Hanako, and Misha didn’t need any adjustments at all, although I would suggest that you take it easy for a few moments, Hisao; I’m not sure how stressful it may be for you once inside the game.” He didn’t come out and say it was because of my heart, probably trying to be polite, but it wouldn’t matter; by the start of July, the girls knew about my heart.

“Now, I will be joining you in a moment, but first I need to check the initial results. In the meantime, while we are in the game, my friend hiding behind the monitors over there will be watching your progress through the game, and dealing with all the data that comes through.” A small, feminine, yet slightly pizza-greased hand gave a quick wave above the monitors before vanishing again.

“And now, if you would lie down and close your eyes, we shall fire this bad boy up. Once the process is complete, you should be dressed as your characters in the ‘lobby’ I set up in game.” Damn him and his suspenseful ways.

As I lie down, the glass dome slides over me, sealing me in this rather comfy bed. Since, my console is near the computer system, I hear the clatter of some buttons being pushed, and then the hub activating. As I begin to feel drowsy, I hear an unknown female voice.

“Calling yourself ‘Seraph’ here, huh? Cute.”

“Well, you know what they say about real names. You should know that best, Cecilia…”

----------

A whirl of colors goes by my eyes, and a rush of wind blows through me, followed by a piercing bright white light. After my eyes adjust, I find that I am standing in the middle of a temple courtyard with deep purple-tinted night sky. I notice that the others are there as well, but also appear a bit disoriented. I check my clothing, because it feels like I’m not wearing anything special; not that I was expecting superhero tights, or anything. I appear to be dressed in a simple pair of jeans, sneakers, and a white shirt with blue sleeves. Rather ordinary. When I look at the others, it seems apparent who the artists preferred designing.

Lily was decked out in a long, flowing blue dress, but was wearing medieval-type gauntlets, greaves, skirt, and breastplate over/under the dress. Her hair was tied into a tight bun, except for two sections hanging naturally over her temples.

Shizune’s outfit was a bit unexpected; it was a tight, form-fitting, seamless blue jumpsuit with some odd white lines forming a design on it. It didn’t help me that the outlines were basically tracing the curves of her very ample figure. Oh, and she was wearing metal shoulder pads. Crap, I hope she didn’t catch me staring.

Misha’s outfit certainly didn’t match her personality. She was wearing a long, frilly blue and white dress, with white going up the middle to the collar, white wrist-length gloves, and, I assume, thigh-high white boots. She also had two floppy ribbons in her hair, right where her drills would be attached to her head. The whole ensemble gave her a very ‘un-Misha-like’ air of sophistication. Good thing I’m only thinking this, and not saying it.

“Wahaha! I feel like a princess!” There, that’s my Misha.

Emi’s outfit was, uh… very ‘purple’ heavy. She was wearing a semi-form fitting, long-sleeved outfit, but there was enough fabric to form wrinkles; okay, form fitting around hips and bust. She was wearing gloves, and the hooded cloak she had on managed to hover just above the ground. Uh, does that mean she’s floating? Oh, and she also had some pointed elf ears; I really hope she doesn’t give me the ‘puppy-face,’ or else I’m going to keel over.

Rin’s outfit was somewhat alluring, although not entirely. Her costume was a long-sleeved dress, except pitch black with vertical blood red stripes starting at the collar and continuing down to where the lines split the skirt, giving it a ‘shredded’ look below her hips. She was barefoot, her skin was several shades paler than normal, and it appeared that deep-purple, wisp-shaped stains tattooed her skin; some crisscrossed down her legs, and one set was traveling up the left side of her neck, over her check, and heading toward her eye. I assume that they covered the rest of her body, but were hidden by the, yet again, tight dress. Huh, I never noticed, but Rin’s stacked.

And Hanako’s choice in wardrobe was the farthest thing from my mind. Frankly, I was expecting her to be some sort of magical ‘moe, moe, Kyun’ girl, but this was much sexier. Her outfit consisted of, let’s say, a tight black with purple trim tube-top/miniskirt combo, but in one piece. She wore open-handed gloves that went from wrist to armpit, along with several purple bracers, and thigh-high boots that reached mid-thigh, thus exposing some of Hanako’s burn scars on her right leg. She also was wearing a purple blindfold, for some reason, as well as some weird writing on her forehead. It appears she’s able to see just fine with that blindfold on, because she began to twist and check out her outfit. Uh, I think I just saw some black panties. Well, when a girl is wearing an outfit THAT short, one would expect some exposure, so I’m not a pervert. Not completely.

“*sigh* Why am I the only mundane one in this bunch?” I pose the rhetorical question to no one in particular, when Hanako meekly answered.

“You h-happen to be one of the two star characters in this series, Hisao.”

“You know about this series, Hanako?” I ask, slightly stunned.

“Y-yeah; it is basically a book, just on the computer.” We continued some mild conversation, when a voice suddenly rang out.

“Testing; one-two-three. Hello, is this thing on?” Seraph’s disembodied voice spoke over the temple grounds. Shizune had a quizzical look, since Misha seemed to be signing for no one, but she figured it out as we naturally faced the sky to hear him. “Good; the initial sync results appear excellent, and it appears we have a fan in our midst. I’m sure Hanako wouldn’t mind explaining some things to you as we go along. Opponents will refer to you as your character’s name, so she’ll help you with that. I’ll just say that some of you are the spirits of legendary and mythic heroes, so some knowledge in that may help in the long run. Some things may also come to you naturally, through osmosis of the character.” Seraph’s voice became low and foreboding.

“By now your character’s attacks should be second-nature to you. That had better be the case, because the first fight is about to begin!”

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.2*

Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 3:58 am
by Leotrak
Made

Of

Awesome


Please continue

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.2*

Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:02 am
by Wren
Very good read. Looking forward to the rest. :)

Re: Pharaoh's Phables: *Fate/Crippled Codes- CH.2*

Posted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:58 am
by Member22
So far so good! I would like to see how the fight unfolds....

Btw, it would be nice if one of the talented artists here could draw the characters you described :)