Katawa Shoujo Forums

It's a nice warm day outside, but I decided that I should stay in homeroom and study alone. The hallways seem pretty crowded, hopefully homeroom isn't filled up with students. I walk upstairs to the third floor, the stairs have people sitting on them and laying on the rails. The homeroom door seems to be half-way open, I quietly snuck my way to the side of the door and slipped my hand between the crack of the door. The classroom is quiet, I feel no presence so I pushed the door open carefully.


Hisao: H, Hello?...

No answer, looks like the coast is clear. There are a pile of books that I left on my desk after class, my desk sticks out from all the others. The sun sets behind the blinds that cover the large window on the other side of the class room.

Hisao: *Sigh*

I walk over to my desk and sit down, the cold marble makes me feel different from the warm air around the class. My textbooks are neatly stacked in the corner of my desk, I opened the science book and continued where I left off on class.


..................
Shhshshshshhhh...
..................

Suddenly, I hear a rustling sound it the door... Someone's there.

*BAM*

The door flys open and hits the wall next to it.

Hisao: Whoa!

It's Misha... No Shizune...?

Misha: Hiichan? What are you doing in here?...
Hisao: I would ask you the same question, but I'm studying for a test.

Misha looks at me in an unhealthy way, as if studying is bad for you.

Misha: Right! Your gonna need to study so I can cheat off of you~!
Hisao: Hold your horses, there... Who said anything about cheating off of me?
Misha: Well I did! Wahahahaha~!
Hisao: Could you keep it down, I'm not supposed to be in here, and neither should you!
Misha: Oh sorry Hiichan!...

I flip though my pages to make it seem like I'm working hard. Misha approaches me slowly and her face seems red. She leans on my desk, her breasts hang in my face... Oh geez.

Hisao: U, Uhhhhh... Misha?
Misha: What is it Hiichan?
Hisao: Where's Shizune...?
Misha: Oh, she's in the infirmary. She caught something earlier today.
Hisao: Ummm, okay... Also, why are you leaning on my desk like that...
Misha: Well...

She brings her face closer to mine, I can smell her flowery fragrance and it smells very nice. Her face is now extreamly close, her lips are puckered up as if she was going to kiss me... I too pucker my lips and prepare.

Misha: Mmmm...

Our lips touch, I feel her soft lips... They feel like marshmallows, so nice and soft... This kiss lasted for five more seconds and she brakes the kiss, panting.

I caress her cheek with my warm hands, she rubs her face in my palms.

Hisao: ...Why did you kiss me...?

Misha looks to the side with an uneasy, blushing face.

Misha: Well Hiichan... I really had a crush on you since you came into this classroom, and so did Siichan.
Misha: But I liked you more than Siichan... We had this bet... "Whoever kisses Hisao first, get's him.".
Hisao: Wow, it's been how long since you guys bet?
Misha: Four months..
Hisao: Hmm...

Misha looks back into my eyes and we lock into another kiss, this one is more passionate.

Misha: I don't only want kiss though, Hisao. I want more...

I sat there, mortified at the word that came out of her mouth.

Hisao: Like...

She takes my hand and runs it to her breast, I just sit there. Then something hits me, I'm touching Misha's boob! I never thought something like this would happen between us. But I'm a man and us men have our desires, part of me tells me not to and the other tell's me to do so.

Misha moans under her breath, pushing my hand deeper into her breast.

Hisao: Misha...! What if someone catches us?
Misha: Don't worry, the hallways are empty now.

I nodded and I put my unused hand on her other breast and played with it. I forced out at kiss to Misha and we swap saliva, this is really dirty but I like it... It feels really hot...

Misha: Mmm... Hmm... Hgnn..

My heart races and it calls out for more... Misha finishes the kiss and looks down under the desk.

Misha: Hehehehe~!

I also look down and notice she's looking at the bulge in my pants, oh ghad. She reaches down under the desk and on my crotch, Gahhh! She's rubbing my crotch and it feels nice when it's still in my pants. I hear a "ziiiiiippp" and she reaches down into my briefs and pulls out my dick. It's trobbing and warm in her hands.

Misha: *Gasp* It's so big Hiichan!

She crawls under the desk and I feel her lips touching the tip of my dick.

Hisao: Hnnnghh..

It feels incredible, her lips are so soft and perfect... She uses her tounge to lick my shaft.

Misha: Mnn.. Mm.. Shllpp..

Not only that, she strokes it too... Oh man, this is what all true men strive for.

She uses her mouth like a vacuum and sucks like crazy, I think I'm at my limit!

I pushed my dick deep into her throat and see a flashing light in my eyes... I ejaculated into her mouth and throat...

Misha: Hmmmmgg... Mhhgg... Shhhhlllpppp... Gulp..

She takes my dick out of her mouth and I ejaculated the last spurts of cum onto her face.

Misha: *Pant* *Pant* *Pant*

I get up out of my seat and walked around the desk to Misha. I helped her up and she coughs a bit.

Hisao: I'm sorry, did it taste alright?

I already felt like an asswipe for asking that question.

Misha: It tasted weird, but it tasted of you...

She unbuttoned her uniform and showed out her breasts, my eyes gleam and I stare with awe.

Misha: Please, touch them Hiichan...!
Hisao: Yes.

I slither my hand under her bra and tweak her nipples, she knocks off all of my textbooks and lays on my desk. Her body twists and turns as I tweak her twin towers more and more. She lets out heavy moans and pants hard, while she scratches her nails into my back.

Misha: H, Ha. This feels so good...

My move my lips down to her collarbone, then down to her breasts. I tease one of her nipples with my tounge and she moves her hand down to her secret garden, I can hear sounds coming from there as she rubs it. I can also smell her scent from here.

Hisao: Your pussy smells nice, Misha...

I narrow down to her pussy and slide my two fingers into her.

Misha: Haannngg...

I move back up to show her the juices and I move my fingers around to show how sticky it is.

Hisao: You sure are wet, pervert.
Misha: No!... Don't say that!... Hnng..
Hisao: But that's a good thing, it means your feeling good.

She stretches the lips of her pussy and bites her lips.

Misha: Please, make me feel better!

I nodded and I tease her pussy with the tip of my dick, rubbing her clit with my fingers.

Misha: Gahh! No! Don't tease me like that.
Hisao: But your getting more wet, Misha.

That seems to have shut her up, now I moved my penis slowly into her.

Hisao: Hmmpph...
Misha: Waaaahhhhh~!

I leaned over her and we both exchange a wet kiss...

[I've got to go to work now, but I'll finish this one after I get back.]

It was kinda rushed, in my opinion. Most girls I know don't go from "I have a crush on you!" to "Oh, I want to sex you up, like, NOW!" in a matter of minutes.
It seems to me like you just grabbed the standard Hentai plot and put Hisao and Misha into the brackets labeled "Male X" and "Female X". The way you described them having sex also seems like some kind of bad Hentai. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, since Katawa Shoujo IS an anime-styled game and therefore anything explicit is categorized as Hentai. However, some writers always seem to forget that reading fanfiction is completly different from watching a Hentai movie.
Most read fanfictions, because they want to delve deeper into the story or a particular pairing. This aspect might not be THAT important when it comes to smut, but most readers still expect to be entertained with some form of tension or at least an intriguing sex scene.
Also, sexual tension is very important. Keep in mind that sexual tension disappears the moment the characters actually get what they want. That's why it's advisable to let them suffer for a while.
Anyway, I hope that you understand what I want to say, because I guess this might be kinda confusing. I hope I didn't insult you or anything, because that wasn't my intention. I just hate that there are so many fanfics out there that could be so much better. And, after all, smut's supposed to be sexy, right?

Wow, that was packed to the brim with cliché. Especially this:

ROFLWAFFLE! wrote:Misha: *Gasp* It's so big Hiichan!

I mean, even mainstream porn uses a lot of the stuff you used in this. Try and be a little more original if you plan on making any more, please.

Some of the phrasing was odd, and it's Shicchan and Hicchan, not Siichan and Hiichan. There were a lot of points where it felt rushed through, and... well, I'll be honest. A lot of these are "I have a crush on you- two seconds later sex" but this one was just terrible in that regard. Misha shows up, kisses him, then they're having sex. There's no build up at all, and no emotional connection to any of it, which I don't think is a good use of the characters. Hisao may be an idiot sometimes, but he does at least seem to try and care about other people's feelings- rushing into sex without even confirming that he likes her back seems out of character.

and on the note of the set-up, can we have like, ONE fiction with some time skips? Confession then first kiss, then time skip to messing around after they've been dating for a bit, then another time skip THEN sex? I understand that you don't want to write out every moment for a month, but they don't need to have sex within an hour of saying they like each other.

First: It's true that i have read better fanfics here, but you did a good for the first time

But lol man, your story is too rushed. COLETRAIN, BABY!
I like it when the storyteller is keeping the tension high for a few minutes before i can finally pop 20 boners.
Nonetheless, funny stuff. Had a good laugh there