Katawa Shoujo Act 1 Preview feedback thread

[Gash]

Is there much more that can be said?

Saying we love it can only be said so many times in so many ways surely?

Unless you want us to start using interpretive dance.

[Aura]

What suriko is trying to say is that this thread (pretty much the only serious one on these forums) is for constructive feedback that we use to improve on our game. Use other threads to talk about other things.

Also I would advice not being a cheeky asshole to us on our turf.

[Gash]

Dam and here was me hopinf for a sarcastic "go for it" on the interpretive dance

[Blue123]

This thread will be culled of all the recent off topic randum content.

Also, don't push your luck.

[Silentcook]

Act 1 v2 has been released. This post is to mark the point where bug reports and corrections start pertaining to the new version.

Suriko Edit for claritifcation: Spelling/grammatical errors go here. Technical bugs and errors go to the support forum.

[Mercutio]

Act 1 v2 has been released. This post is to mark the point where bug reports and corrections start pertaining to the new version.

awesome. I plan to use Act 1 v2 to play through the whole thing for the third time and give as much feedback as I can.

though I gotta say, when I first saw the blog entry, I thought it was "Act 2," and I had a moment of HOLYSHITYES!!! before I realized that you guys aren't doing it like that.

[EternalLurker]

A'right, I never pointed out much in the way of typos in v1.1 since this thread was so long that I was sure I'd be repeating someone, but now I can speak without fear. ^_^ I don't have enough time to play through the whole game today if I'm going to be typo/bug-checking, but here's what I've gotten so far.

Bigger issues (bugs or anything really out-of-place, please fix):
-Gateway Effect, Mutou: His "annoyed" sprite looks far too angry (it's the mouth; the eyebrows are perfect) to be used merely because Hisao is too late to meet the nurse, since he immediately says "Yes, afternoon is probably fine." If his dialogue weren't so calm about it, then the sprite would fit, but as-is it really creates the wrong impression about him. Would it be much effort for the artists to create a Mutou sprite that's essentially his "normal" mouth with his "annoyed" eyebrows?
-BIG BUG DESCRIBED IN NEXT POST

Moderate issues (mainly grammatical issues, not big problems):
-Out Cold, Hisao's heart attack begins: The first time that the heart stays on the screen is when Iwanako screams "HISAO!". Having it also stay (and then fade out again for the transition) one or two pages before that would probably be helpful for the comprehension of people who have transitions disabled due to computer issues, and thus haven't seen it at all before that point. I don't know how many such people there are and whether we should help people who have such sucky-ass computers, but it's just a thought.
-Bundle of Hisao, first hospital monologue: "So, I idly observed the scar that those surgeries had left on my chest slowly change its appearance over time, thinking it as some kind of omen." "Thinking of it as some" or "Thinking it as some" is grammatically correct; "Thinking it as" is wrong and sounds weird.
-Bundle of Hisao, end of first monologue: "...looking at the ceiling as if I was going to cry. But that happened only rarely. And I couldn't even cry." The first is "were", not "was". :P Also, that "even" feels out of place to me, although admittedly extraneous "even"s are almost as much of a pet peeve for me as misused apostrophes. Where you can say "And I couldn't even ____ much less ____," an "even" makes sense, but I see no verb contrasted with "cry" to fit in the second blank, so the "even" isn't correct.
-Bundle of Hisao, beginning of dialogue: "I don't answer to him but I smile a little, back at him." To "answer to" someone is to be subordinate to them; take out the "to". I'm also not a big fan of the placement of the comma in that sentence, preferring one before "but", but meh, your call.
-Bundle of Hisao, middle of dialogue: "Whatever of my concern shows, it's ignored." That bolded phrase feels off to me. "Whatever part of" would be accurate but doesn't flow very well. Wouldn't it just be simpler, and flow better, were it "If my concern shows, it's ignored." ? Though I can't say I like the presence of that line in the first place. After all, it directly follows Dad saying "Please, calm down, Hisao," so we already know that his concern is showing and being addressed, if downplayed. It's just not a necessary sentence and seems to run counter to the Doctor and Mr. Nakai's apparent efforts to get Hisao to accept the situation as positively as he can manage.
-Bundle of Hisao, near the end of the convo: "People with your condition usually tend to live long lives compared to other heart problems." You can't compare a person to a heart condition, at least not in this context. ^_^ To compare his condition to that of other patients, it'd make more sense if that bolded clause were placed before the verb (tend), such as "Compared to other heart problems, people with your condition usually tend to live long lives." Preferably it'd be "People with your condition, as compared to other heart problems, usually tend to live long lives," but even though the doctor sounds pretty formal I doubt he'd be to that extent.
-Gateway Effect, arrival monologue: "With this realization set in my head and feeling nervous, I open the front door." Again a clause attaches to the wrong noun: Hisao, not the realization, should be feeling nervous. Lotsa ways you can change that, such as the simple "With this realization in my head, I nervously open the front door."
-Enter Stage Left, meeting Shi+Mi: "I didn't look forward to this, even if I committed myself to go along with it half-assedly, but anyway." That feels wrong for two reasons. First, the "anyway" conclusion is weird and doesn't seem to mean anything; I think "whatever" may fit better, if I'm judging your intent correctly. Second, you're saying that he committed himself to a half-assed acceptance of the situation, when I think you intend to say that he half-assedly committed himself to accepting the situation. Putting "half-assedly" right before "committed" would be more apt and emphasize the contradiction in a "half-assed commitment".
-In the Nursery, meeting Hanako: "I can feel her tension all the way from here, as if she was slowly turning into stone..." "Were/was" issues are going to be a recurring theme here. :P

Milder issues (don't waste your time with these; I'm just stupidly picky):
-Out Cold, Hisao before Iwanako enters: "Their slow descent upon the frozen forest makes it seem like time has slowed to a crawl." The sentence feels a bit repetitive due to the part I italicized, especially as a standalone paragraph as it's presented; I'm sure some other descriptors could be used in place of the first adjective, though they'd usually be longer and thus maybe not flow as well.
-Out Cold, as Iwanako enters: "Hi... Hisao? You came?" has a space right after "Hi..." I assume that "Hi" is meant to be a stutter of the form "Hi-Hisao?", but it comes across as the greeting "Hi" (as in "Hello") with that post-ellipsis space, which would also fit perfectly and is thus ambiguity-inducing. If that was the intent then it's fine as-is. Also, right afterwards: "A hesitating, barely audible question." "Barely audible" acts as an adjective describing "question", so "hesitant" would fit better than "hesitating", and I think it flows better anyway.
-Bundle of Hisao, shortly after that: "...your education is paramount; however I don't think..." should have a comma after "however" or it feels rushed. Shortly afterward: "If it was really that 'free', there wouldn't be a 24-hour nursing staff, and you wouldn't make a hospital being nearby a selling point." The first part is another "were/was" issue, and the second part creates reading issues due to the syntax, since it sounds like you're saying "You wouldn't put a hospital near a selling point". Something more like "...and a nearby hospital wouldn't be a selling point" is both less ambiguous and fits better with the first part of the sentence, I think.
-Enter Stage Left, Shi+Mi convo: "The assignment is also kind of long..." You've given no prior indication that Hisao's so much as glanced at the assignment, which is doubly emphasized by the immediately preceding statement that "Oh, right, we haven't even touched the assignment!" Hisao's statement thus feels out of place because of Misha's observation.

I'll add more when I get time to play more. Or, ya know, just stop posting if these are considered too minor to correct.

[Pimmy]

-Bundle of Hisao, end of first monologue: "...looking at the ceiling as if I was going to cry. But that happened only rarely. And I couldn't even cry." The first is "were", not "was". Also, that "even" feels out of place to me, although admittedly extraneous "even"s are almost as much of a pet peeve for me as misused apostrophes. Where you can say "And I couldn't even ____ much less ____," an "even" makes sense, but I see no verb contrasted with "cry" to fit in the second blank, so the "even" isn't correct.

Man, are you trying to nitpick one of the more powerful lines in the whole intro? XD

[EternalLurker]

(IMPORTANT BUG AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST!!)

That's why. Critiques are the most sincere form of respect. :P

*sigh* Yeah, if anyone wants to scour the Shizune route for issues, please do so, cuz I don't think I can bring myself to do it again. I'm already seeing five times more of Mi+Shi than I wanted just by playing through the rest of the game as I look for things, since they completely dominate at least the first half of the game. Right now I'm at possibly the second most infuriating scene in the game (and note that I'm not much of a Hanako fan), Lunch Evolution Theory, where Hisao actually points out that Hanako is all alone and yet, just because Shizune is bitchy as usual and has to be the center of Act 1, you're not given the option to ditch Shizune and Misha and help out Hanako with her work. The option to talk with her after the work is over feels like an afterthought on Hisao's part. That part of the game makes me wanna punch Hisao in the face every single time it comes up, and wanting to injure the protagonist as whom you're forced to play is usually not a good emotion to induce, especially since the scene is part of every route. (-.-)

Typos:
Near the beginning of The Running Girl: "...wearing my old soccer clothing is kind of nostalgic." I assume you meant "clothes" here because the subsequent line is "I can't use them for that anymore, so maybe they can get a new life this way. A bit like me." The switch from singular to plural is jarring (not to mention grammatically incorrect, of course) and made me search for the antecedent for a few seconds before recognizing it.
Old typo still exists in Things You Can Do: "What other reason there possibly could be?" should of course be "What other reason could there possibly be?"
In Exercise, while resting at the nurse's office, Hisao notes: "I have to be more careful, or I will end up in hospital again, or worse." The article "the" is missing from that prepositional phrase. In No Recovery shortly afterwards, Mutou receives the Nurse's note: "I shrug and he gestures me to run along so I naturally do." "Towards", "At", or something of that sort belongs there.
Creative Pain, right before the choice: "How did you come to end up assisting my protégée?" There is an extraneous "e" at the end of that. Shortly after the choice: "Art and I haven't worked well together in past..." is usually acceptable, so fixing it is your call, but "in the past" is still more proper. And shortly after that, Rin notes, "All you can really say about is 'I'm so bored.'" That should of course be "say about it is..." Of course, she also uses the non-word "boredness" in place of "boredom" immediately afterward, but I assume that's a mistake on her part, not the path writer's.
Clouds In My Head, awkwardness: The block of narration just before Hisao's "Yes" needs at least one comma in there, preferably right after "answer", or it's just messy, which is a pity since that scene is hilariously awesome.

Well, unless I missed any, this and my last post should cover all the significant typos in every route other than Shizune's.

Oww. Shadow of the Truth is still deafeningly loud at the high part in the last section. >_> I wear headphones, man! I really think the volume on that should be toned way down. (I have the KS soundtrack on my computer and I edited it down to about 65%, which now makes it one of my two favorite KS pieces.)

IMPORTANT: BIG BIG BUG AT THE END OF AN AESTHETICS. Remember that scene where Rin refers to the blind boy for what is potentially the second time? Yeah, instead of fixing it you seem to have cut it out whether or not it was mentioned...kinda. She starts referring to the blind boy and then there are like 20 missing lines of dialogue. It goes:

Rin: "There is a boy."
Rin: "At the art club, you see. Blind boy. So he doesn't. See."
<SKIPS TWENTY LINES OF DIALOGUE TO GO STRAIGHT TO EITHER PROPER EXERCISE OR CREATIVE PAIN>
(if Proper Exercise) Emi: "We need to go get more, then."
(if Creative Pain) Emi heaves a sigh.

So yeah. Needs fixing badly.

[Warwick]

Creative Pain, right before the choice: "How did you come to end up assisting my protégée?" There is an extraneous "e" at the end of that.

Not so. The extra e denotes that the subject is female. I guess those years of French in high school weren't for nothing. I might go through Shizune's route again, as this gave me the excuse to finally reinstall KS.

[EternalLurker]

Well, whaddaya know? Figures the part I'd get wrong isn't quite English, but nonetheless I am ashamed. Ah well; I've learned something now, I s'pose. Thanks. ^_^ Yeah, I only took one semester of French in middle school, and I've forgotten it all. >_>

And thanks for the response about the text, Silentcook. Any comments on the Muto sprite? Am I the only one here who thinks that way?

[sonnysonny]

I love it. Besides small spelling errors and the 3+ years of time it's taken it's perfect. I fell in love with all of the characters and am eagerly awaiting the finished version.

[luinthoron]

Apart from the already mentioned big bug, I found two little things:

In 'The Deep End':
I decide to play a drinking game with myself. Every time Kenji mentions "female conspiracy", I'll take a swig.
- Usually it's been the feminist conspiracy. Mistake, or is Hisao just using a different word because he forgot what Kenji called it?

Now if I could remember where the other was... Should have come here immediately, not after finishing all routes.

[Nintendo Maniac 64]

Am I the only one that cannot install the new version of Act 1 on top of the old version without it giving an error? Deleting only the game data (not the saves) makes it work, but then I can't use my save data for some reason. D: (Uninstalling the old version before installing the new version works, but obviously your save data will be gone).

If you've already installed Act 1 v2 but want to test for this issue, you can get a copy of the original version of Act 1 using the torrent links in this blog post.

EDIT: Here's the error it gives:

I'm sorry, but an exception occured while executing your Ren'Py
script.

ScriptError: Name u'_developer' is defined twice: at renpy-6.9.1/common/00developer.rpy:2 and renpy-6.10.0/common/00library.rpy:803.

While loading the script.

-- Full Traceback ------------------------------------------------------------

File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\bootstrap.py", line 260, in bootstrap
File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\main.py", line 171, in main
File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\script.py", line 477, in load_script
File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\script.py", line 155, in __init__
File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\script.py", line 366, in load_appropriate_file
File "D:\Game Files\Katawa Shoujo Act 1\renpy\script.py", line 316, in load_file
ScriptError: Name u'_developer' is defined twice: at renpy-6.9.1/common/00developer.rpy:2 and renpy-6.10.0/common/00library.rpy:803.

While loading the script.

Ren'Py Version: Ren'Py 6.10.0e

Turns out that manually deleting the files "00developer.rpy" and "00developer.rpyc" in the "Katawa Shoujo Act 1\common" folder makes the game launch and run properly.

[ksotaku100]

A week or two ago, I finished the whole game. Wonderful, beautiful. (Quote from Terry Tibs, (Fonejacker). It's the best OELVNs I've ever played, since Ori, Ochi, Onoe (Still need Onoe), Impressive work. Now I just installed KS Act1 V2, I can play the game all over again. The original is on my flash drive. That was awesome. Can't wait for the full version. Thanks for making such a great game.

P.S, Sorry for keeping this out for so long.