Hospital
Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2016 11:49 am
Author's Note: ... I'm not happy with this one, but I've spent too much time on it to waste it.
Maybe somebody will like it, or better yet, maybe somebody will get some ideas from this and come up with something better.
Hospital Epilogue
Reports of the Incident according to Naomi
I am officially perplexed. There's a phone ringing somewhere in this room and it's not mine. These rooms shouldn't to have their own phones so I've no idea where it's coming from. Hanako looks up from her magazine. So, she hears it too. That confirms I'm not going hopelessly insane. That's always a plus.
Perhaps it was one left behind by the person who'd previously occupied this room. That could be intriguing. Who knows what kind of curious messages and pictures they'd have left on it.
Hanako gets up and traverses across the room to where she'd placed her jacket and pulls a cellphone out of the inner pocket. Hmm... Mystery solved. I had no clue she even had a phone. You'd think that would have been something she would have mentioned. That's actually pretty awesome. I'm going to have to get her number. If nothing else, it'll give me somebody else to bug late at night when I can't sleep.
Hanako looks at me as if to apologize for something, probably for not telling me she had a phone or maybe for getting a call now that interrupted all the absolutely nothing we were doing. “H-Hanako speaking,” she says softly and nervously as she answers the phone. Seconds later her face lights up in excitement. “Oh, hello!” she says joyfully. I pull my magazine up as if to hide the fact that I'm listening in. I didn't know Hanako had a phone and I certainly don't know who would be calling her on it. As far as I know, she's got basically three maybe four friends in the world. I'm already here so it's not me. Lilly left the country a few days ago, so that only leaves Hisao from our class and … some older guy who's name I forget. He's a foreigner and his name started with an A; that's all I remember.
Hanako speaks softly, thwarting my ease-dropping, but she appears happy, which is in itself a rarity. That happiness lasts a grand total of ten seconds. Maybe this wasn't a friend. That does seem more likely. She doesn't have many of them, but then again why would a non-friend have Hanako's number?
Tears begin to fall from her eyes and the phone slips from her grasp crashing to the floor. I should … probably … do something?
“Umm... Hanako? Are you okay?” I ask, putting my arm on her shoulder. She doesn't react at all. Definitely not okay. She doesn't even seem to be trembling. She's just frozen. It would be better if she was trembling. I'd feel more comfortable at least. The way she is now, it's like the life just left her. I have no clue what to do about something like that.
Damnation. Think. Normally this is the kind of thing she'd run from and go hide in her room, the problem being we're in a hotel and her room isn't anywhere near here. All we have is a single room with a bed and a small bathroom—actually...
“You okay, Hanako?” I say to her. “You look you you could use some relaxation. Maybe a nice bath. That's always helped me.” I feel like I'm talking to her as though she's a child. That makes me feel bad, but she doesn't react at all. She just sits there. Please don't pull one of your catatonic spells on me now, Hanako. There's no faculty I can call for help here. I can barely take care of myself. Don't make me take care of you.
Another thought briefly fills me with dread. What if I have one of my rare fits while she's blanked out? Maybe this whole trip was a bad idea. I knew I should have asked somebody else to come along, even if it meant I wouldn't be as free and independent. The idea of somebody finding us both dead in this room three days from now flashes though my imagination. I really hope they use a good picture of me for the funeral, one where I'm wearing my “press” hat would be nice.
Hanako doesn't fight me when I try to get her to her feet, so that's in my favor. She just glides along as though she's used to somebody making all her movements for her. She almost feels like a ghost. “A nice bath has always helped me,” I say again not realizing I'd already said that until the words came out. I lead her to the bathroom and turn on the water in the tub for her, but don't put the stopper in. If she doesn't turn it off I don't want to flood the place. “Just a nice bath, hmmm?”
I look at her for another second before closing the door. I have no clue what to say. “Call me if you need me,” I decide even if it doesn't sound appropriate at all “or, you know, if you just feel like talking,” I add knowing full well that she's not going to take me up on that offer. “You know you can always tell your old pal, Naomi about whatever is bothering you.” This is another big lie. She never tells anyone what's bothering her. I suppose there's always a first time. Hope springs eternal.
I read that somewhere.
With Hanako behind closed doors I relax just a little. Hanako's a sweet girl, but I really don't need this kind of drama. If I weren't such a nice person, I'd try to find some normal friends that weren't going through some kind of existential crisis.
I wonder if Yamaku even has any of those people … other than me. Once you get past some overbearing parents, I'm quite well adjusted. Well, that and some odd sexual identity issues... and a borderline pathological fear of being left alone with men.
Maybe I am rather messed up. I never thought about it that way....
Well, that sucks.
...
I suppose my issues can wait. I can talk to one of the shrinks in the medical building when I get back. The first thing to do now is find out what's going on with Hanako. I can't exactly help her if I don't know the problem. Fortunately, I'm rather good at discovering these things.
Missed opportunity. Let me try that again.
This looks like a job for Naomi Inoue, girl detective.
That's much better. I even repeat it aloud to myself, although softly, so as not to let Hanako hear it. I think I've found my new catchphrase.
Or maybe it should be 'girl reporter'? I haven't decided what sounds better. Girl Investigative-reporter? I'm really going to have to get my tag-line decided on before I become famous.
I pick up Hanako's phone and push the button to call back the last number. After a few rings, a rough voice answers with a simple “Hanako?”
“Who is this?” I ask.
“I was talking to Hanako,” the voice says. “What happened?”
“I just redialed the number on Hanako's phone--,” I start.
“What happened?” the guy on the other end of the line rudely interrupts.
“She … uh … reacted badly to whatever it was you told her,” I say making a point to stress the word badly.
“Jeeze,” is all he says.
“Who exactly are you anyway and what did you say to her?” I ask.
“I'm Satou, Akira Satou,” he says.
“Oh!” This explains somethings. “Satou, eh? Are you Lilly's brother then?”
“I'm her sister,” the voice says with a tone that suggests she's heard that quite a few times before. It's not my fault she's got a rough manly sounding voice.
“I'm sorry, it's just that you have a very rough voice and you do know Akira is a boy's name, right?” I ask.
“In Scotland it's a girl's name,” she says.
“So you and Lilly are Scottish. I've always wondered--”
“Look, Nancy Drew,--”
“Naomi Inoue --”
“I care. Really,” she says in a way that suggests she really does not. “I was talking to Hanako, something happened, and … We didn't get cut off, did we?”
“She...,” how do I put this? “she really didn't take the news well.” I say. “She dropped the phone.”
“Crap. I was afraid she'd take it rough. Is she okay?” Akira asks.
“Hopefully,” and even though I say the word, I'm not quite confident I believe it myself.
“What's she doing now?” Satou asks in atone that combines both annoyance and genuine concern.
“She went to another room to compose herself,” I say as stiffly as possible.
“Crying?”
“Yeah,” I add a bit more reluctantly. Something like that, at least.
“Shit. I hate to do that, but we just thought she should know,” Satou adds with an apologetic tone.
“What did you say to her?” There's silence on the phone like she's debating whether or not to tell me more.
“If you're there with Hanako, you can't be all that bad so let me tell you what's up,” she makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a sigh, a yawn, and a trash compactor going off. I can't help but wonder exactly how old she is, maybe a good ten- fifteen years older than her sister?
“Do you know a guy named Nakai? Hisao Nakai?” she asks.
“He's in my class,” I say.
“Okay. You know him. That's good. Well, right now he's in the hospital. Heart attack. I don't know if you know, but he's got a condition.”
Oh. Oh shit. Shit. “Is – is he going to be okay?” I ask.
“I don't know. They had him in surgery, but... I just don't know. He hasn't woke up yet, or if he has, nobody's come to tell us yet,” she says. “Me and Lilly are going to be here until we know what's going on. I just thought Hanako should know.” She gives me the name of the hospital as well as a phone number she can be reached at, specifying that the number is for Hanako's use and not my own, which feels both impolite and dismissive. I do ask a few more questions, but she truly doesn't appear to know anything more.
Frankly, I don't really know Hisao that well, but he's one of the few people in the world that Hanako can actually call “friend.” In fact, he's one of the few people she'll even talk to. She has a crush on the guy. A bad one. You'd have to be dense as lead or blind not to see it ...which … yeah. I'm not even going there right now.
It's another twenty minutes before Hanako emerges from the bathroom. Just long enough to make me wonder if she was ever going to come out. Her hair and face are wet and it looks like she's splashed some water on herself, but not much. I'm assuming this is some attempt at hiding the fact that she's been crying as well as acting like she actually took my advice and took a bath to calm down. Hanako's a very poor liar.
I explain what the elder Satou told me, expecting at any minute to see Hanako breaking down again, but to her credit she manages to sustain her composure give or take a few noticeable trembles.
“So... what do we do now?” I ask. She stares at me as if every fiber of my character were being put on trial. This is when I realize that asking her a question was probably a really bad idea. She might be up to facing another person, but I'm not sure she can speak without breaking down again. “We could go back,” I say. I really don't want to go back though. Getting out and into the real world was something Hanako desperately needed and I've been looking forwards to some travel myself. The thought makes me feel like a scumbag though. Somebody is in the hospital fighting for his life, and I'm just thinking about what inconveniences us.
“We could be back there the day after tomorrow, late evening if we tried. Lunch time if you left me behind,” I say to her.
“N-No,” she says softly. Well, that got a response out of her at least.
“Is that a 'No' to going back?” I ask.
“I-I don't w-want to leave you behind,” she says with a slight blush of embarrassment and eye that don't want to look directly at me. This is the the expression I've come to know as 'Hanako's lying face.'
“Hey, don't worry about me. He's your friend. Nobody needs to be alone at times like that. I can keep going without you,” my answer is a touch on the rambling side, but I'm not exactly sure what she needs to hear right now. She's not telling me something and I'm not sure what it is. There's a chance what she's not telling me is the thing that everybody pretty much already knows, but it could be something else. Layers upon layers or something like that.
I'm going to have to look up exactly how that layers line goes when I get a chance.
“I'm not s-sure you could,” she says. She still seems a little bit out of it, but she's got a point there. Without her half of the money, I'd really have to cut this trip short and traveling alone could be rather dangerous given my condition. “Lilly is there with him, right?” she says, surprisingly without stuttering.
“She is,” I say. She looks down, like she's thinking really hard about something. “I want to say you can see him when he gets better, but we both know that might not be true,” I say. I don't want to sugar coat this. “Let's head back. We can take our trip some other time.” That's a lie. This is the only time before school ends where I'm going to be free of my parents. I doubt we could come up with enough money for another trip that quick either.
“Bu-but I-I can't – can't –,” she stutters. Okay. This is different.
“Can't... Can't what?” I ask. “What can't you do?”
“I – I hate hospitals,” she says. “I-I'm not sure I could-- could--,” she stutters.
“I'll be there with you. You can try, right?” I say. I know I'm babying her a bit, but I'm not what you'd call a trained professional in these matters. She doesn't answer, but the cringe on her face answers for me. She can't. She'd break down before she'd get to Hisao's room if she even made it as far as the door. Damn, Hanako. They really messed you up didn't they?
“So... what do we do now?” I ask. The question echos through our hotel room and hangs in the air.
Hisao: man (not) about town
Life is good. Well, once you get past the bad hospital food, the fact that my body still feels like it's moving through molasses with all the extra drugs they've pumped into me, and nearly dying to begin with... once you get pas those things life is good.
I mean, it could be worse.
I've convinced Lilly to follow her heart instead of her father's summons, so she's staying. Laying here hospitalized for the second time this year, I can't help feel that there was some way I could have handled this better … some way that didn't involve almost dying and major surgery There's no point in wasting time on maybes though. What happened happened and the best part is that it worked.
That doesn't mean Lilly can spend every waking moment with me though. While Akira is arranging things as best she can, there's certain things Lilly has to be there in person for. Then of course there's the hospitals and their rules about visiting hours and patients needing their rest.
Today just happens to be the first of the days without either Lilly or my parents. Although she did at least call. That helped a little, but only just a little.
A tired looking middle aged nurse interrupts my thoughts by announcing that I have visitors. I have no idea who would come visit me here. Of course, right now anyone would be welcome. There are few places in the world that suck the life out of you faster than hospitals. I'm not sure if that's ironic or just sad.
“Hey, Nakai,” a vaguely familiar voice says walking into the room. She's followed by several more people that I hadn't expected to see; they're classmates from Yamaku. There's suddenly a bad feeling in my stomach as I'm reminded of the last time I was in the hospital. Visiting me and showing their sympathy was made into a class project. It made me feel good at first, but when I learned they were just showing up just because they felt they had to do so, my mood sank even lower than it had before.
“We heard you were down, so we decided to come visit, maybe cheer you up a bit,” a dark skinned girl says. It take me a minute to remember her name. It helps that Molly is such a strange unique name.
“We thought about bringing flowers, but we weren't sure if you were allergic or not and Takashi refused to allow us to bring fake flowers,” said a girl who looked somewhat familiar but I couldn't quite place.
“Thanks anyway but if you're just here because you feel you need to be, you don't. You're under no obligation to stay,” I say in a firm manner. “In fact, it might be better if you just leave.”
“Ouch,” one of the girls says. She's either Naomi or Natsume. I always get the newspaper girls confused. It doesn't help that they're always together. Actually, now that I'm thinking of it, Hanako said she was going out of town with Naomi. This has to be Natsume then.
On a more disturbing note, Takashi seems to be grinning. I think I may have just inadvertently earned his respect.
“I'm here because I promised I'd check on you for Hanako, and the rest of these guys are here because being in a hospital sucks big donkey balls and we felt you could use some cheering up, so lay off the attitude a little,” Natsume says. She goes to cross her arms sternly, but the effect is lessened as she stumbles a little bit as she repositions her crutch.
“Hey, relax. Like you said, being in a hospital sucks. It's no wonder he's in a bit of a mood,” Molly comes to my rescue, although honestly, I'm not sure I deserve it.
Natsume lowers her head a bit. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. Hospitals put me in a bit of a mood too.”
“Just out of curiosity, what kind of food are they serving here?” Takashi asks. I just look at him curiously, not quite getting what he's asking. “In my experience, hospital food tastes either like medicine, Styrofoam, or human waste. Which is it here?” there a slight smart-assed smirk on his face and as much as I want to dislike the guy judging from our past history, I can't resist grinning a bit.
“I'd say it's part cardboard and part medicine. Like medicine made out of cardboard,” I say.
“Then you'll be happy to know that we brought you something that's actually edible to make your stay a bit nicer,” Molly says.
A short girl with messy hair and extremely thick glasses steps forward holding out a small wrapped box. “On behalf of Yamaku, the people that care about you, and, everyone that's a decent person--”
“I'm sure I'm at least one of those,” Takashi says softly, earning him a light elbow in the gut from Natsume.
“I, Class President of 3-2,” she makes a show of clearing her throat in a very artificial matter. “Ahem. Acting Class President of 3-2, present you with a gift showing-,” she stops and looks like she's thinking very hard. “That I totally forgot my speech. Well, here's something to show you we care and make you feel better,” she finishing, dropping the far more official tone she'd previously taken. “Lilly's not anywhere around, is she?”
“She had some business to take care of today. I don't expect to see her,” I explain as I take the package and unwrap it. Inside is a variety of sweets, most of which look handmade.
“Shame. I really wanted to tell her how everything had been in her absence,” the rep says and she takes off and cleans her thick glasses for possibly the third time since she's been in the room.
“Yeah, we made these for you. At least the people still hanging around school with nothing better to do during break did,” Takashi said. This earns him another hard glare. “What? He knows I'm messing with him, don't you?” I nod a yes. “It's called gallows humor. A response to morbid and unplesant situations by use of levity to lighten the mood,” Takashi says as though he's reading from a definition he saw somewhere. “and then we take him out back and hang him,” he adds almost under his breath. This earns him another elbow from Molly. Takashi and I have never really gotten along but he's at least trying to be friendly in his own … horrible... way.
“We asked around seeing who'd want to come visit you and make you feel better,” Molly said. “You can probably expect as large a group tomorrow. It's mostly going to be different people though and there's not many people at the school right now away so don't expect a huge turn out, but we're here for you.”
“Well, thanks,” I say. I really don't know how else to respond. Molly makes her way over to my bedside and unexpectedly leans down to give me a hug.
“You just really looked like you needed that. Get better soon, alright?' she says. I can actually see a teardrop beading up in the corner of her eye. I had no idea she cared this much. I think we've only talked maybe once or twice before this.
“Ummm... thanks?” I say. I know that I've already thanked them, hut I really can't think of anything else to say.
“Yeah, please get better soon. You look like hell right now,” Natsume says.
“Ooe!” Molly gasps.
“Heh, it's okay. I know that already,” I say to them. Maybe I've spent too much time in hospitals or maybe it's the fact that the time I did spend in them, I've had practically everyone I ever known come to visit, but it's hard to remain self conscious after all that. “If you don't mind me asking, how did you all find out about this?”
“Hanako called me,” Natsume said. “She told you that she really really wanted to be here and to let you know that she cares deeply about you. Gathering everybody up was truly her idea, believe it or not. I'm supposed to call her when I leave to let her know how you're doing.”
I can't help but smile. That's Hanako. She's probably the most thoughtful and unselfish person I know.
Part Hanako
Even though it hasn't happened very often, it's still a familiar scene and one I should be comfortable with. Lilly and I in our pajamas enjoying tea with Hisao. I really never thought it would happen again.
“It's certainly nice to have things back to normal,” Lilly says. “It feels like the first time in forever that I've simply had a chance to relax,” Lilly says with an uncharacteristic sigh.
“Y-yeah,” I stammer out in agreement. Things have been way to tense lately, too much going on, too much change. The three of us being back together here at Yamaku, there's comfort in that.
“Now if only I didn't have to worry about unpacking again,” Lilly continues and makes a comical shudder.
“I can help if you want,” Hisao says.
“I gratefully decline. It's nothing I can't handle. I just have to find the time,” she says. She knows that I know it's just an excuse. She just really doesn't want to have to take everything out of her bags and boxes and put them away again. Lilly suffers from a well hidden lazy streak at times. I'm not sure if Hisao is able to figure that out yet on his own, but it's a possibility. I'm going to have to come up with an excuse to help her unpack later … or should I come up with an excuse for Hisao to help her unpack?
“M-maybe later then?” I say. It's all I can think of. I don't even know if I meant Hisao could help later or Lilly could unpack later, but they each seem to accept that as an appropriate solution.
Pleasantries are exchanged, stories are told, and things are getting back to normal. I really don't have much to add to the conversation, although they do ask. My trip certainly wasn't anywhere near as eventful as what they've went through. Even if they hadn't been through anything monumental, the trip itself was still rather dull. It was … different … getting out and I'm glad I did it, despite the feeling that I was on the edge of a panic attack at every moment. Then I spent almost every moment worrying about Hisao. The trip was the farthest thing from a relaxing vacation. They don't need to hear about that part. They have enough on their minds right now without adding my own insecurities to the mix.
Things are just so much more complicated lately.
As we sit and talk, there's a growing sense that I just don't belong here anymore. They restrain themselves, but the look in Hisao's eyes, the way they seem to smile and laugh at every word the other says, and the ocassional accidental brushing of hands is hard for me not to notice. I'm happy that Hisao has recovered, and grateful that Lilly is still going to be around, but they've moved on to the next step, and I'm left behind.
Our relationship used to be simple. We were never quite equals. Lilly always took the lead and made the decisions, Hisao stood close behind to provide support and the occasional bit of prodding on. I was the one that trailed behind needing help. The most I could provide was occasionally guiding Lilly, but even then I was never much assitance. Now I'm not even there for that.
At least I was able to do something for Hisao while he was bedridden. The fact that I couldn't bring myself to go into a hospital willingly, even when a friends life hanged in the balance makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but I was at least able to make his stay a little brighter.
The more I stay around, the more I realize whatever direction they're going in their life, I'm simply not invited along. A couple is two people, not three. I'm the one girl too many in this room.
They will always be my friends, the first real friends I've ever had, but I don't think they need me anymore.
Maybe somebody will like it, or better yet, maybe somebody will get some ideas from this and come up with something better.
Hospital Epilogue
Reports of the Incident according to Naomi
I am officially perplexed. There's a phone ringing somewhere in this room and it's not mine. These rooms shouldn't to have their own phones so I've no idea where it's coming from. Hanako looks up from her magazine. So, she hears it too. That confirms I'm not going hopelessly insane. That's always a plus.
Perhaps it was one left behind by the person who'd previously occupied this room. That could be intriguing. Who knows what kind of curious messages and pictures they'd have left on it.
Hanako gets up and traverses across the room to where she'd placed her jacket and pulls a cellphone out of the inner pocket. Hmm... Mystery solved. I had no clue she even had a phone. You'd think that would have been something she would have mentioned. That's actually pretty awesome. I'm going to have to get her number. If nothing else, it'll give me somebody else to bug late at night when I can't sleep.
Hanako looks at me as if to apologize for something, probably for not telling me she had a phone or maybe for getting a call now that interrupted all the absolutely nothing we were doing. “H-Hanako speaking,” she says softly and nervously as she answers the phone. Seconds later her face lights up in excitement. “Oh, hello!” she says joyfully. I pull my magazine up as if to hide the fact that I'm listening in. I didn't know Hanako had a phone and I certainly don't know who would be calling her on it. As far as I know, she's got basically three maybe four friends in the world. I'm already here so it's not me. Lilly left the country a few days ago, so that only leaves Hisao from our class and … some older guy who's name I forget. He's a foreigner and his name started with an A; that's all I remember.
Hanako speaks softly, thwarting my ease-dropping, but she appears happy, which is in itself a rarity. That happiness lasts a grand total of ten seconds. Maybe this wasn't a friend. That does seem more likely. She doesn't have many of them, but then again why would a non-friend have Hanako's number?
Tears begin to fall from her eyes and the phone slips from her grasp crashing to the floor. I should … probably … do something?
“Umm... Hanako? Are you okay?” I ask, putting my arm on her shoulder. She doesn't react at all. Definitely not okay. She doesn't even seem to be trembling. She's just frozen. It would be better if she was trembling. I'd feel more comfortable at least. The way she is now, it's like the life just left her. I have no clue what to do about something like that.
Damnation. Think. Normally this is the kind of thing she'd run from and go hide in her room, the problem being we're in a hotel and her room isn't anywhere near here. All we have is a single room with a bed and a small bathroom—actually...
“You okay, Hanako?” I say to her. “You look you you could use some relaxation. Maybe a nice bath. That's always helped me.” I feel like I'm talking to her as though she's a child. That makes me feel bad, but she doesn't react at all. She just sits there. Please don't pull one of your catatonic spells on me now, Hanako. There's no faculty I can call for help here. I can barely take care of myself. Don't make me take care of you.
Another thought briefly fills me with dread. What if I have one of my rare fits while she's blanked out? Maybe this whole trip was a bad idea. I knew I should have asked somebody else to come along, even if it meant I wouldn't be as free and independent. The idea of somebody finding us both dead in this room three days from now flashes though my imagination. I really hope they use a good picture of me for the funeral, one where I'm wearing my “press” hat would be nice.
Hanako doesn't fight me when I try to get her to her feet, so that's in my favor. She just glides along as though she's used to somebody making all her movements for her. She almost feels like a ghost. “A nice bath has always helped me,” I say again not realizing I'd already said that until the words came out. I lead her to the bathroom and turn on the water in the tub for her, but don't put the stopper in. If she doesn't turn it off I don't want to flood the place. “Just a nice bath, hmmm?”
I look at her for another second before closing the door. I have no clue what to say. “Call me if you need me,” I decide even if it doesn't sound appropriate at all “or, you know, if you just feel like talking,” I add knowing full well that she's not going to take me up on that offer. “You know you can always tell your old pal, Naomi about whatever is bothering you.” This is another big lie. She never tells anyone what's bothering her. I suppose there's always a first time. Hope springs eternal.
I read that somewhere.
With Hanako behind closed doors I relax just a little. Hanako's a sweet girl, but I really don't need this kind of drama. If I weren't such a nice person, I'd try to find some normal friends that weren't going through some kind of existential crisis.
I wonder if Yamaku even has any of those people … other than me. Once you get past some overbearing parents, I'm quite well adjusted. Well, that and some odd sexual identity issues... and a borderline pathological fear of being left alone with men.
Maybe I am rather messed up. I never thought about it that way....
Well, that sucks.
...
I suppose my issues can wait. I can talk to one of the shrinks in the medical building when I get back. The first thing to do now is find out what's going on with Hanako. I can't exactly help her if I don't know the problem. Fortunately, I'm rather good at discovering these things.
Missed opportunity. Let me try that again.
This looks like a job for Naomi Inoue, girl detective.
That's much better. I even repeat it aloud to myself, although softly, so as not to let Hanako hear it. I think I've found my new catchphrase.
Or maybe it should be 'girl reporter'? I haven't decided what sounds better. Girl Investigative-reporter? I'm really going to have to get my tag-line decided on before I become famous.
I pick up Hanako's phone and push the button to call back the last number. After a few rings, a rough voice answers with a simple “Hanako?”
“Who is this?” I ask.
“I was talking to Hanako,” the voice says. “What happened?”
“I just redialed the number on Hanako's phone--,” I start.
“What happened?” the guy on the other end of the line rudely interrupts.
“She … uh … reacted badly to whatever it was you told her,” I say making a point to stress the word badly.
“Jeeze,” is all he says.
“Who exactly are you anyway and what did you say to her?” I ask.
“I'm Satou, Akira Satou,” he says.
“Oh!” This explains somethings. “Satou, eh? Are you Lilly's brother then?”
“I'm her sister,” the voice says with a tone that suggests she's heard that quite a few times before. It's not my fault she's got a rough manly sounding voice.
“I'm sorry, it's just that you have a very rough voice and you do know Akira is a boy's name, right?” I ask.
“In Scotland it's a girl's name,” she says.
“So you and Lilly are Scottish. I've always wondered--”
“Look, Nancy Drew,--”
“Naomi Inoue --”
“I care. Really,” she says in a way that suggests she really does not. “I was talking to Hanako, something happened, and … We didn't get cut off, did we?”
“She...,” how do I put this? “she really didn't take the news well.” I say. “She dropped the phone.”
“Crap. I was afraid she'd take it rough. Is she okay?” Akira asks.
“Hopefully,” and even though I say the word, I'm not quite confident I believe it myself.
“What's she doing now?” Satou asks in atone that combines both annoyance and genuine concern.
“She went to another room to compose herself,” I say as stiffly as possible.
“Crying?”
“Yeah,” I add a bit more reluctantly. Something like that, at least.
“Shit. I hate to do that, but we just thought she should know,” Satou adds with an apologetic tone.
“What did you say to her?” There's silence on the phone like she's debating whether or not to tell me more.
“If you're there with Hanako, you can't be all that bad so let me tell you what's up,” she makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a sigh, a yawn, and a trash compactor going off. I can't help but wonder exactly how old she is, maybe a good ten- fifteen years older than her sister?
“Do you know a guy named Nakai? Hisao Nakai?” she asks.
“He's in my class,” I say.
“Okay. You know him. That's good. Well, right now he's in the hospital. Heart attack. I don't know if you know, but he's got a condition.”
Oh. Oh shit. Shit. “Is – is he going to be okay?” I ask.
“I don't know. They had him in surgery, but... I just don't know. He hasn't woke up yet, or if he has, nobody's come to tell us yet,” she says. “Me and Lilly are going to be here until we know what's going on. I just thought Hanako should know.” She gives me the name of the hospital as well as a phone number she can be reached at, specifying that the number is for Hanako's use and not my own, which feels both impolite and dismissive. I do ask a few more questions, but she truly doesn't appear to know anything more.
Frankly, I don't really know Hisao that well, but he's one of the few people in the world that Hanako can actually call “friend.” In fact, he's one of the few people she'll even talk to. She has a crush on the guy. A bad one. You'd have to be dense as lead or blind not to see it ...which … yeah. I'm not even going there right now.
It's another twenty minutes before Hanako emerges from the bathroom. Just long enough to make me wonder if she was ever going to come out. Her hair and face are wet and it looks like she's splashed some water on herself, but not much. I'm assuming this is some attempt at hiding the fact that she's been crying as well as acting like she actually took my advice and took a bath to calm down. Hanako's a very poor liar.
I explain what the elder Satou told me, expecting at any minute to see Hanako breaking down again, but to her credit she manages to sustain her composure give or take a few noticeable trembles.
“So... what do we do now?” I ask. She stares at me as if every fiber of my character were being put on trial. This is when I realize that asking her a question was probably a really bad idea. She might be up to facing another person, but I'm not sure she can speak without breaking down again. “We could go back,” I say. I really don't want to go back though. Getting out and into the real world was something Hanako desperately needed and I've been looking forwards to some travel myself. The thought makes me feel like a scumbag though. Somebody is in the hospital fighting for his life, and I'm just thinking about what inconveniences us.
“We could be back there the day after tomorrow, late evening if we tried. Lunch time if you left me behind,” I say to her.
“N-No,” she says softly. Well, that got a response out of her at least.
“Is that a 'No' to going back?” I ask.
“I-I don't w-want to leave you behind,” she says with a slight blush of embarrassment and eye that don't want to look directly at me. This is the the expression I've come to know as 'Hanako's lying face.'
“Hey, don't worry about me. He's your friend. Nobody needs to be alone at times like that. I can keep going without you,” my answer is a touch on the rambling side, but I'm not exactly sure what she needs to hear right now. She's not telling me something and I'm not sure what it is. There's a chance what she's not telling me is the thing that everybody pretty much already knows, but it could be something else. Layers upon layers or something like that.
I'm going to have to look up exactly how that layers line goes when I get a chance.
“I'm not s-sure you could,” she says. She still seems a little bit out of it, but she's got a point there. Without her half of the money, I'd really have to cut this trip short and traveling alone could be rather dangerous given my condition. “Lilly is there with him, right?” she says, surprisingly without stuttering.
“She is,” I say. She looks down, like she's thinking really hard about something. “I want to say you can see him when he gets better, but we both know that might not be true,” I say. I don't want to sugar coat this. “Let's head back. We can take our trip some other time.” That's a lie. This is the only time before school ends where I'm going to be free of my parents. I doubt we could come up with enough money for another trip that quick either.
“Bu-but I-I can't – can't –,” she stutters. Okay. This is different.
“Can't... Can't what?” I ask. “What can't you do?”
“I – I hate hospitals,” she says. “I-I'm not sure I could-- could--,” she stutters.
“I'll be there with you. You can try, right?” I say. I know I'm babying her a bit, but I'm not what you'd call a trained professional in these matters. She doesn't answer, but the cringe on her face answers for me. She can't. She'd break down before she'd get to Hisao's room if she even made it as far as the door. Damn, Hanako. They really messed you up didn't they?
“So... what do we do now?” I ask. The question echos through our hotel room and hangs in the air.
Hisao: man (not) about town
Life is good. Well, once you get past the bad hospital food, the fact that my body still feels like it's moving through molasses with all the extra drugs they've pumped into me, and nearly dying to begin with... once you get pas those things life is good.
I mean, it could be worse.
I've convinced Lilly to follow her heart instead of her father's summons, so she's staying. Laying here hospitalized for the second time this year, I can't help feel that there was some way I could have handled this better … some way that didn't involve almost dying and major surgery There's no point in wasting time on maybes though. What happened happened and the best part is that it worked.
That doesn't mean Lilly can spend every waking moment with me though. While Akira is arranging things as best she can, there's certain things Lilly has to be there in person for. Then of course there's the hospitals and their rules about visiting hours and patients needing their rest.
Today just happens to be the first of the days without either Lilly or my parents. Although she did at least call. That helped a little, but only just a little.
A tired looking middle aged nurse interrupts my thoughts by announcing that I have visitors. I have no idea who would come visit me here. Of course, right now anyone would be welcome. There are few places in the world that suck the life out of you faster than hospitals. I'm not sure if that's ironic or just sad.
“Hey, Nakai,” a vaguely familiar voice says walking into the room. She's followed by several more people that I hadn't expected to see; they're classmates from Yamaku. There's suddenly a bad feeling in my stomach as I'm reminded of the last time I was in the hospital. Visiting me and showing their sympathy was made into a class project. It made me feel good at first, but when I learned they were just showing up just because they felt they had to do so, my mood sank even lower than it had before.
“We heard you were down, so we decided to come visit, maybe cheer you up a bit,” a dark skinned girl says. It take me a minute to remember her name. It helps that Molly is such a strange unique name.
“We thought about bringing flowers, but we weren't sure if you were allergic or not and Takashi refused to allow us to bring fake flowers,” said a girl who looked somewhat familiar but I couldn't quite place.
“Thanks anyway but if you're just here because you feel you need to be, you don't. You're under no obligation to stay,” I say in a firm manner. “In fact, it might be better if you just leave.”
“Ouch,” one of the girls says. She's either Naomi or Natsume. I always get the newspaper girls confused. It doesn't help that they're always together. Actually, now that I'm thinking of it, Hanako said she was going out of town with Naomi. This has to be Natsume then.
On a more disturbing note, Takashi seems to be grinning. I think I may have just inadvertently earned his respect.
“I'm here because I promised I'd check on you for Hanako, and the rest of these guys are here because being in a hospital sucks big donkey balls and we felt you could use some cheering up, so lay off the attitude a little,” Natsume says. She goes to cross her arms sternly, but the effect is lessened as she stumbles a little bit as she repositions her crutch.
“Hey, relax. Like you said, being in a hospital sucks. It's no wonder he's in a bit of a mood,” Molly comes to my rescue, although honestly, I'm not sure I deserve it.
Natsume lowers her head a bit. “Sorry. That was uncalled for. Hospitals put me in a bit of a mood too.”
“Just out of curiosity, what kind of food are they serving here?” Takashi asks. I just look at him curiously, not quite getting what he's asking. “In my experience, hospital food tastes either like medicine, Styrofoam, or human waste. Which is it here?” there a slight smart-assed smirk on his face and as much as I want to dislike the guy judging from our past history, I can't resist grinning a bit.
“I'd say it's part cardboard and part medicine. Like medicine made out of cardboard,” I say.
“Then you'll be happy to know that we brought you something that's actually edible to make your stay a bit nicer,” Molly says.
A short girl with messy hair and extremely thick glasses steps forward holding out a small wrapped box. “On behalf of Yamaku, the people that care about you, and, everyone that's a decent person--”
“I'm sure I'm at least one of those,” Takashi says softly, earning him a light elbow in the gut from Natsume.
“I, Class President of 3-2,” she makes a show of clearing her throat in a very artificial matter. “Ahem. Acting Class President of 3-2, present you with a gift showing-,” she stops and looks like she's thinking very hard. “That I totally forgot my speech. Well, here's something to show you we care and make you feel better,” she finishing, dropping the far more official tone she'd previously taken. “Lilly's not anywhere around, is she?”
“She had some business to take care of today. I don't expect to see her,” I explain as I take the package and unwrap it. Inside is a variety of sweets, most of which look handmade.
“Shame. I really wanted to tell her how everything had been in her absence,” the rep says and she takes off and cleans her thick glasses for possibly the third time since she's been in the room.
“Yeah, we made these for you. At least the people still hanging around school with nothing better to do during break did,” Takashi said. This earns him another hard glare. “What? He knows I'm messing with him, don't you?” I nod a yes. “It's called gallows humor. A response to morbid and unplesant situations by use of levity to lighten the mood,” Takashi says as though he's reading from a definition he saw somewhere. “and then we take him out back and hang him,” he adds almost under his breath. This earns him another elbow from Molly. Takashi and I have never really gotten along but he's at least trying to be friendly in his own … horrible... way.
“We asked around seeing who'd want to come visit you and make you feel better,” Molly said. “You can probably expect as large a group tomorrow. It's mostly going to be different people though and there's not many people at the school right now away so don't expect a huge turn out, but we're here for you.”
“Well, thanks,” I say. I really don't know how else to respond. Molly makes her way over to my bedside and unexpectedly leans down to give me a hug.
“You just really looked like you needed that. Get better soon, alright?' she says. I can actually see a teardrop beading up in the corner of her eye. I had no idea she cared this much. I think we've only talked maybe once or twice before this.
“Ummm... thanks?” I say. I know that I've already thanked them, hut I really can't think of anything else to say.
“Yeah, please get better soon. You look like hell right now,” Natsume says.
“Ooe!” Molly gasps.
“Heh, it's okay. I know that already,” I say to them. Maybe I've spent too much time in hospitals or maybe it's the fact that the time I did spend in them, I've had practically everyone I ever known come to visit, but it's hard to remain self conscious after all that. “If you don't mind me asking, how did you all find out about this?”
“Hanako called me,” Natsume said. “She told you that she really really wanted to be here and to let you know that she cares deeply about you. Gathering everybody up was truly her idea, believe it or not. I'm supposed to call her when I leave to let her know how you're doing.”
I can't help but smile. That's Hanako. She's probably the most thoughtful and unselfish person I know.
Part Hanako
Even though it hasn't happened very often, it's still a familiar scene and one I should be comfortable with. Lilly and I in our pajamas enjoying tea with Hisao. I really never thought it would happen again.
“It's certainly nice to have things back to normal,” Lilly says. “It feels like the first time in forever that I've simply had a chance to relax,” Lilly says with an uncharacteristic sigh.
“Y-yeah,” I stammer out in agreement. Things have been way to tense lately, too much going on, too much change. The three of us being back together here at Yamaku, there's comfort in that.
“Now if only I didn't have to worry about unpacking again,” Lilly continues and makes a comical shudder.
“I can help if you want,” Hisao says.
“I gratefully decline. It's nothing I can't handle. I just have to find the time,” she says. She knows that I know it's just an excuse. She just really doesn't want to have to take everything out of her bags and boxes and put them away again. Lilly suffers from a well hidden lazy streak at times. I'm not sure if Hisao is able to figure that out yet on his own, but it's a possibility. I'm going to have to come up with an excuse to help her unpack later … or should I come up with an excuse for Hisao to help her unpack?
“M-maybe later then?” I say. It's all I can think of. I don't even know if I meant Hisao could help later or Lilly could unpack later, but they each seem to accept that as an appropriate solution.
Pleasantries are exchanged, stories are told, and things are getting back to normal. I really don't have much to add to the conversation, although they do ask. My trip certainly wasn't anywhere near as eventful as what they've went through. Even if they hadn't been through anything monumental, the trip itself was still rather dull. It was … different … getting out and I'm glad I did it, despite the feeling that I was on the edge of a panic attack at every moment. Then I spent almost every moment worrying about Hisao. The trip was the farthest thing from a relaxing vacation. They don't need to hear about that part. They have enough on their minds right now without adding my own insecurities to the mix.
Things are just so much more complicated lately.
As we sit and talk, there's a growing sense that I just don't belong here anymore. They restrain themselves, but the look in Hisao's eyes, the way they seem to smile and laugh at every word the other says, and the ocassional accidental brushing of hands is hard for me not to notice. I'm happy that Hisao has recovered, and grateful that Lilly is still going to be around, but they've moved on to the next step, and I'm left behind.
Our relationship used to be simple. We were never quite equals. Lilly always took the lead and made the decisions, Hisao stood close behind to provide support and the occasional bit of prodding on. I was the one that trailed behind needing help. The most I could provide was occasionally guiding Lilly, but even then I was never much assitance. Now I'm not even there for that.
At least I was able to do something for Hisao while he was bedridden. The fact that I couldn't bring myself to go into a hospital willingly, even when a friends life hanged in the balance makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but I was at least able to make his stay a little brighter.
The more I stay around, the more I realize whatever direction they're going in their life, I'm simply not invited along. A couple is two people, not three. I'm the one girl too many in this room.
They will always be my friends, the first real friends I've ever had, but I don't think they need me anymore.
