Hanako's Broken Heart Club

[Kouryuu]

Guys I need help, I cant find any good sites on fear/anxiety. All I found are what sound like advertisements spouting alot of stuff and then saying "buy this book" or something and its not helping.

I have barely been able to keep myself calm all day. I dont think I have time to overcome whatever this is called, my dads getting more persistent, everytime I leave my room his going on at me. Its got me in a panic, I had to force feed myself this morning because just as I made food he was questioning me, I was so nervous I couldnt eat.

I went for a walk to take my mind off it but I just ended up crying. I didnt know I was this bad, its like I used depression as a shield to hide behind and now that shield is gone my fear of everything is just going insane.I only just realised that one of the reasons I became depressed was fear of being happy, it might sound stupid but it makes sense, whenever I was happy I did or said something I regretted. I felt less in control when happy and more in control when sad, so I decided I felt more comfortable being sad. Which leads to another thing, I found comfort in depression that I dont have now.

This all sounds so ridiculous to me but writing it down has helped. I was hyperventilating for about 30mins but I have stopped now ^^. My head kinda hurts but its clearer now, well until my dad talks to me again...

[dwarduk]

I don't know any good sites, but I can offer my own experience; it seems you've already found it: keeping yourself occupied. I'm very musical, so my outlet of choice is the piano. I just sit down and start playing (improvisation) around how I'm feeling. Other times, I might write a poem or a diary entry, read a fantasy novel, or watch some cartoons/anime. Pick something you love doing and throw yourself into that.

As for your actions while happy, I've been exactly the same way. You learn to cope with it, and those around you learn to tolerate you. For me, happiness was better, as at least I did something! While down, I did nothing at all...

[Kouryuu]

I don't know any good sites, but I can offer my own experience; it seems you've already found it: keeping yourself occupied. I'm very musical, so my outlet of choice is the piano. I just sit down and start playing (improvisation) around how I'm feeling. Other times, I might write a poem or a diary entry, read a fantasy novel, or watch some cartoons/anime. Pick something you love doing and throw yourself into that.

As for your actions while happy, I've been exactly the same way. You learn to cope with it, and those around you learn to tolerate you. For me, happiness was better, as at least I did something! While down, I did nothing at all...

I just have one question about 'occupying' myself. This is how I have avoided this for so long, I escape into video games so I dont have to face reality, which unfortunately is something I need to stop doing. Sure it helps and makes me feel better but I end up doing nothing. So where do I draw the line?

I agree with that, its much better being happy and I have learned to handle myself while happy. I did alot more in the last year than I have done in the last 9 years. Unfortunately I have come to another stop.

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. ^^

EDIT: Oh and I found a site, I am reading more now. Hopefully it can point me in the right direction.

[Beoran]

Kouryuu, I think in your case some professional help might be needed. Even a good hairdresser who is a good listener may be helpful, but a therapist is of course what you should try to aim for. There's only so much you can do by reading.

One thing I know about anxiety is that the best way to try and overcome it seems to be gradual exposure, so you get used to the fear slowly. I'm scared of heights and I have needle phobia, and I didn't do much yet to overcome these fears, but I'm not afraid of talking to people anymore because I got used to it. Hope you find something or someone helpful out there soon!

[Erenussocrates]

@Kouryuu, if you don't mind me asking, could I ask how old you were and what kind of problem is your father causing and how do you feel when he interrupts you? Are you still going to some kind of school? Is your fear/anxiety is mainly formed because of your expectation of getting reply at Facebook?
Also, I'm agreed with dwarduk in some points. You could use this to product something creative. But I don't mean video games or keeping yourself occupied or stuff. I mean doing something creative.
Also, I don't know what kind of faults you have been doing while you were happy, but I could say that you start to learn doing things "right", as you fail. So maybe you shouldn't have escaped into some kind of constant depression, in my opinion.
The another choice could be making your escape to your friends. This could also occupy your time greatly if you have no idea of creating something, also it could help your issues with happiness slowly.
I'm also agreed with Beoran, not special people, but also everybody in life should need a therapist at some point or another!

I'm expecting the news from you..

[dwarduk]

I'm sorry, I forgot to add to my original reply: occupy yourself until it is no longer in the forefront of your mind. That way, I find, when it does come up, it doesn't consume everything else and is far easier to think or talk about.

I also used to escape reality through video games (in particular, Guild Wars), but used it constructively, or so I now believe. I have Asperger's syndrome that used to be rather severe; I used my interactions with other people in the game to accustom me to social interaction and, while I probably lingered there longer than I should, it did improve my empathy and ability to understand others. I would say it's perfectly ok to use entertainment media to escape reality, so long as you aren't addicted (like I was >.<).

Finally, don't worry that you've hit a stop; it happens. You stop and start, have ups and downs, and experience a ridiculously wide spectrum of emotion, but that's it. It's all the experience of being human and so, to me at least, it is something to celebrate, as it is all part of that which has defined you. </soppy humanism>

[Kouryuu]

@Beoran - Thank you. I guess I dont really know how to approach a professional or what to say.

@Erenussocrates - I am 21. I dont really know how to word it, his not really causing a problem, his trying to help me. Unfortunately we never talk, theres a been a complete lack of communication since I was around 12. Everything his said since then has just got to me in some way, the way he comes across just is wrong... or something. When I talk to him I am always nervous/awkward and I try to avoid him as much as possible, its been that way since I was 12. Its not that he interrupts me, he will just come out bluntly and say "so hows the job search going" "are you going to go into some shops" "your not going to get a job if you dont get out your room". Its hard to explain but the way he comes across just unnerves me, I know he wants to kick me out of the house.

I am not going to school at the moment, I almost did go into further education but, funnily enough, I scared myself out of it during the induction thing and ended up going home. No the fear/anxiety is not caused by the message I sent, I had a few days of it during the first email but I have been able to settle that, and it was no where near as bad as this. That was more a good nervous, this however is like a panic.

Hmm doing something creative? I dont know of anything creative I could do. I know escaping into depression was bad, but thats irrelevant now as its been and gone and I am happy now. Just to be clear I am not depressed, I have no issues being happy. I dont really know about seeing a therapist, isnt that for people with bigger problems? I just feel a little silly sitting there and being like "oh I am just scared thats all".

@dwarduk - Ah that makes sense, thanks ^^.

I too am playing guild wars, I have made a few friends on there recently too, which is odd. Unfortunately I have been addicted to gaming since I was very little, maybe even before the first gameboy. I was 9 when I first played a PC game and 16 when I got my own PC which then fed my addiction exponentially as I no longer had to ask to play games, I could play my own PC whenever I wanted!

Your right, lack of progress may also have added to the shock. I have made so much progress over the last year that realising I have stopped probably was a -1 to confidence. I still have no idea how I am going to go into a shop and ask about jobs or even click 'send' on an already typed up email with already attached CV but I might have a way around it. Unfortunately that involves avoiding doing it myself but its the only way and I dont have time to stop again. I am doing things now that I should have done 5 years ago.

[Erenussocrates]

@Erenussocrates - I am 21. I dont really know how to word it, his not really causing a problem, his trying to help me. Unfortunately we never talk, theres a been a complete lack of communication since I was around 12. Everything his said since then has just got to me in some way, the way he comes across just is wrong... or something. When I talk to him I am always nervous/awkward and I try to avoid him as much as possible, its been that way since I was 12. Its not that he interrupts me, he will just come out bluntly and say "so hows the job search going" "are you going to go into some shops" "your not going to get a job if you dont get out your room". Its hard to explain but the way he comes across just unnerves me, I know he wants to kick me out of the house.

I am not going to school at the moment, I almost did go into further education but, funnily enough, I scared myself out of it during the induction thing and ended up going home. No the fear/anxiety is not caused by the message I sent, I had a few days of it during the first email but I have been able to settle that, and it was no where near as bad as this. That was more a good nervous, this however is like a panic.

Hmm doing something creative? I dont know of anything creative I could do. I know escaping into depression was bad, but thats irrelevant now as its been and gone and I am happy now. Just to be clear I am not depressed, I have no issues being happy. I dont really know about seeing a therapist, isnt that for people with bigger problems? I just feel a little silly sitting there and being like "oh I am just scared thats all".

I might be wrong, but from what you've descripted, you tend to run away from any coercive/forceful communication, perhaps? Along with the intense fear of anything stressful that is coming. These things might be related to something that has happened in your past or not. I don't really know since I didn't read all the pages of this topic. You might be searching for more thoughtful and polite communications and people throughout your life.

You shouldn't underestimate the effects of going to a therapist/psychiatrist. Firstly, you have to see that psychiatrists are not only for people with bigger problems. There are always some problems in all people's lives. Also psychiatrists are not only for talking about negative stuff. They listen to you, they ask stuff relevant to your topic, they guide you to some degree. Today, majority of the crowd of the advanced countries sees psychiatrists. More average people who don't see psychiatrists should go ahead and see them as well, in my opinion. I have my own therapist as well. I've born in 1992, and started seeing him while I was at middleschool. I guess this means that I've been going to my psychiatrist for 6 or 7 years now, lol. I have been seeing him, like, once per 6 months. And all in this time period, I even observed him while his hair turned to gray all these years, lol. There have been so many occasions, there have been days that I cried while I talked to him, there have been days that passed quite regularly and boring, there have been days that I learnt something new I could never think of before. You shall open yourself up to them and tell them everything that is on your mind. Even if it feels like they're most pointless things for other people. Also they don't tell anything to your family if you don't want them to. Really Mr. Kouryuu, trying a psychiatrist wouldn't hurt at all.
And at last but not least, you should go to the best one you could afford to.

[Kouryuu]

I might be wrong, but from what you've descripted, you tend to run away from any coercive/forceful communication, perhaps? Along with the intense fear of anything stressful that is coming. These things might be related to something that has happened in your past or not. I don't really know since I didn't read all the pages of this topic. You might be searching for more thoughtful and polite communications and people throughout your life.

You shouldn't underestimate the effects of going to a therapist/psychiatrist. Firstly, you have to see that psychiatrists are not only for people with bigger problems. There are always some problems in all people's lives. Also psychiatrists are not only for talking about negative stuff. They listen to you, they ask stuff relevant to your topic, they guide you to some degree. Today, majority of the crowd of the advanced countries sees psychiatrists. More average people who don't see psychiatrists should go ahead and see them as well, in my opinion. I have my own therapist as well. I've born in 1992, and started seeing him while I was at middleschool. I guess this means that I've been going to my psychiatrist for 6 or 7 years now, lol. I have been seeing him, like, once per 6 months. And all in this time period, I even observed him while his hair turned to gray all these years, lol. There have been so many occasions, there have been days that I cried while I talked to him, there have been days that passed quite regularly and boring, there have been days that I learnt something new I could never think of before. You shall open yourself up to them and tell them everything that is on your mind. Even if it feels like they're most pointless things for other people. Also they don't tell anything to your family if you don't want them to. Really Mr. Kouryuu, trying a psychiatrist wouldn't hurt at all.
And at last but not least, you should go to the best one you could afford to.

I could see someone, I am so uneasy about it. I dont have much money left. How do I go about it?

[ewok40k]

I am throwing a party next saturday, invited my brother and sister, and what few friends I still have. Nothing spectacular, just some ice cream and occasion to talk, but i think it will help me cheer up a little.
There is one story that I'd like to share from my own days of high school.
It might seem surprising but I actually had a pair of female friends, (lets name them Girl A and Girl K), one of their attempts at trying to get me more outgoing included dragging me out to a night club one evening, to watch some strip show. I was incredibly embarrassed... and then we ran into one of our teachers enjoying company of some girls (possibly also his students, but I was too mortified to think about that at the moment). We exchanged few awkward words and got away at top possible speed...
The girls A and K were kinda odd pair whispered to have some yuri tendences, so it was to my surprise when things got a little steamy when I have been visiting girl K one day. I must admit that I actually broke off and said goodbye when things were starting to get really hot (as in, when kissing developed into more distributed bodily contact)- I was scared of what might have happened. We never went back to that point.
Girl A managed to get herself a university student BF, who was quite well off and liked to brag about his family wealth. Years later to my amusement I got the news he was one-upped by wealthy foreigner who married girl A eventually...

[Erenussocrates]

I could see someone, I am so uneasy about it. I dont have much money left. How do I go about it?

Well, just tell him everything you feel and every important thing that happened in your past. Open yourself completely up to him.

[Wanderingheartache]

Hey everyone, another update on my situation... I'm not sure if I told you all that I made amends with the friend who wanted to fight me and tried turning other friends against me. He was stressed out about the possibility of not graduating high school, he sincerely apologized to me and we've been hanging out more...

However now there is a new problem. Another friend recently got a job at a maid/host cafe and one of his coworkers showed interest in him while they were working one convention. I just met this girl and I've notice we have a lot in common, I'm not all too sure how my friend feels about this girl but I know for a fact that I'm not all that interested in her just yet. She seems like a nice friend but I can't shake the feeling that my friend might show some interest in her if we hang out more often... I am kind of scared that I might steal her away if he hesitates for too long. It isn't my intention, but I seem to have that talent of stealing away girls when I act like a host...


My problem now is not the possibly budding relationship they may have, but rather I was asked by their boss if I wanted to join them and work as another host because their other host is a no show and just bailed on them. I don't exactly think I fit the type to do what they do (performing and serving mostly) and I don't really have an "established character" to act out for them... but I was complimented on my looks.

I am throwing a party next saturday, invited my brother and sister, and what few friends I still have. Nothing spectacular, just some ice cream and occasion to talk, but i think it will help me cheer up a little.
There is one story that I'd like to share from my own days of high school.
It might seem surprising but I actually had a pair of female friends, (lets name them Girl A and Girl K), one of their attempts at trying to get me more outgoing included dragging me out to a night club one evening, to watch some strip show. I was incredibly embarrassed... and then we ran into one of our teachers enjoying company of some girls (possibly also his students, but I was too mortified to think about that at the moment). We exchanged few awkward words and got away at top possible speed...
The girls A and K were kinda odd pair whispered to have some yuri tendences, so it was to my surprise when things got a little steamy when I have been visiting girl K one day. I must admit that I actually broke off and said goodbye when things were starting to get really hot (as in, when kissing developed into more distributed bodily contact)- I was scared of what might have happened. We never went back to that point.
Girl A managed to get herself a university student BF, who was quite well off and liked to brag about his family wealth. Years later to my amusement I got the news he was one-upped by wealthy foreigner who married girl A eventually...

^ I have to ask, with Girl K... do you regret not taking steps further? I mean, do you ever wonder what it would be like if you were with her now... or even if you'd still be with her up to this point? Sorry if I'm being a little weird about it, I'm just curious... I don't blame you for being worried

[ewok40k]

Well, I have been wondering myself of what could have been, but I guess there is no need for regret. It remained in my memory as pleasant event, after all. There are some things in my past I do regret, but they involve rather education and job choices - and even then not to the extent to be grave worry.

[mysterycycle]

Kouryuu: I don't know if I have much I can contribute to the conversation that will be helpful to you. I was only able to go see a therapist because my wife got mental health coverage through her job, and even then I was only able to go three times before I'd have to start paying for the visits myself (I was unemployed at the time). Still, even those three times were immensely helpful to me. My therapist gave me a few tools with which to deal with my depression (mostly meditation and exercise - there's a reason Emi runs all the time!), but even just being able to talk about the things I've gone through and had been dwelling on and clutching to for the past two decades, with someone who had an outside perspective and psychiatric training, was enough to at least start me back on the path toward living my life again. I never thought of myself as the type of person who would go to a therapist, and it was only after I'd learned that my sister had seen one that I felt as though I could do so without feeling ashamed (though, honestly, at the time that I elected to go I was depressed enough that I no longer cared what people would think of me either way).

I don't mean to make it sound as though I was offered some kind of miracle cure that made me all better again (I half-jokingly mentioned that hope to my therapist, who responded "Wouldn't that be nice?"). I couldn't say whether it would do as much for you as it did for me, but it did help.

I don't know what options exist for someone in your position to pay for therapy, but I hope that you're able to find something that works for you.

[ArazelEternal]

Hello everyone. I know I kinda disappeared for a while, but life kinda got hectic there for a while. I try to respond to any posts I feel that I can say something in response to, but Ive been busy so I haven't been ignoring anything.

Anyway, life will be getting a bit rough for a while here. My pay is being cut at my job. Our bonus commissions checks have went from being given out on a monthly basis to a quarterly basis. That will make paying bills tough and money will be tight, but it will be doable. Ill just have to watch it. However, I heard a rumor that the shop may be closing in 6 months if things don't get better. Ive only heard it once from one person, and they aren't really any more in the loop than I am so I don't know how true it is, but it is still a scary thought. We will have to see how that goes. Hopefully if it does get that bad, they will let us know ahead of time so I can look for another job.

I myself have been battling with some random bouts of depression lately. Id like to know where those are coming from. They seem to be coming out of nowhere. They started before I even heard the rumor about the shop, so it isn't that. However, Ive been trying to get out and just do more stuff lately. Went out last night on my own which is something I usually don't do. All my friends were busy so I didn't have anyone to go with. Even so, it still was a fairly good time. At least I don't feel like I am just wasting my time anymore.

So, that's a bit of an update of what I am doing.