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bhtooefr wrote:

dewelar wrote:Also, until about halfway through, I thought you might have been going for Hanako having killed Lilly out of jealousy .

I opened with Hanako POV, even! This isn't Katawa Yandere!

True, but I could totally see a scenario where Hanako snaps at Lilly like she does at Hisao in her bad ending, killing her by accident, then suppressing the memory.

Let's just say that, as an experiment I will NEVER release (trust me, it's terrible - I keep it around as an example of what not to do, and it was more to see how grimdark I could go - had it worked, Suzu would've died in Like Fire and Powder), I wrote an alternate universe story in which Hanako had proof that Hisao was sleeping with Lilly behind her back (but before Hanako and Hisao actually started dating).

The goal was to get Hanako to go yandere, and kill both Hisao and Lilly.

Didn't work. They talked it out like reasonable people, and decided to shun Lilly when they figured out what she was doing.

*nods* Yeah, I don't think I'd have wanted to read that - whether it had worked or not . I have no real taste for super-grimdark stuff, and the other way...just wouldn't make a good story.

Well, that was a nice read - despite being kind of dark.
The only thing that had me blinking for a sec (apart from Kenji being a psycho-killer, which hasn't been done enough if you ask me) was when they got from "Lilly being pushed" to "murder" without a second thought. I'd have at least considered someone accidentally bumping into her, but admittedly that wouldn't have made for as interesting a story.

bhtooefr wrote:The goal was to get Hanako to go yandere, and kill both Hisao and Lilly.

.
Remember the lessons of Mendacium. If you misuse Hanako, the villagers will have your head.

Heh, I'm one of those villagers, I think. There's a reason I was never going to release it.

And, yeah, I can see how I screwed up that pacing.

Here goes nothing. Consider this another experiment. It's Akira POV of Pajamas and Suits, with a twist (don't worry, no self-inserting as a canon VN character like my last twist), so if you don't like fics that exactly follow actual VN dialogue and events, well, that's what this is, so...

I've gotta blame an early morning conversation with NekoDude for sparking this, for what it's worth. Let's just say I was throwing ideas at the wall (including a cucumber incident) and the idea that led to this actually sounded interesting and maybe even plausible. So, I decided to experiment with the idea in a limited way before I invested any effort in anything more significant, and this was the result.

----------

As the laughter dies down, I hear three knocks on the door to Lilly's room. I quickly jump up to open the door.

"Hey, Hisao."

"Hey. Hello Lilly, Hanako."

Hisao stares just a little too long at Lilly. He might have won her heart, but I can never be too careful with my little sis... and I might like teasing people a little too much. I grin in his direction, to throw him off guard. It works, and I take my seat at the table.

Hisao soon follows suit, and speaks up. "It's nice to see you again, Hanako. You've been getting around recently."

As Lilly pours some tea for Hisao, she elaborates. "It seems Hanako has taken up helping one of the people in your class with the newspaper club. Naomi, I think?"

Hanako nods. I'm glad she's finally coming out of her shell. She was so... withdrawn when I first met her.

"That'd explain how busy you've been. Enjoying it?"

"Mm. It's... really interesting." I notice Hanako has that cute little smile of hers, and a little blush. Damn, I think that's my second favorite sight in the world. If only I could see it more often.

I take a drink of my coffee, and decide to tease Hisao some more. "You're a lucky bastard, Hisao."

"Huh?"

He's gotta be playing dumb, so I spell it out for him. "Seeing my sister in her pajamas, there's a lotta men out there who'd like to be where you are."

I've got an inkling that he's probably seen a lot more, but I really don't want to know about that. Based on his grimace, he doesn't want to tell me either.

Lilly decides to jump to Hisao's rescue. "Akira!"

"Hey, I'm just teasing."

I am a bit jealous of Hisao for something else, though, and that'd be the other girl sitting next to him. Goddamn, she's adorable. If I weren't dating Tetsuo... no, Akira, let's not go down that road. Besides, you've already been summoned back to Scotland. All you'd do is hurt her when you had to go home. And she's probably not into the ladies anyway.

Still, a little teasing never hurt anyone. I put on my most wicked grin, and say, "And Hanako, too. You perv."

"Hey, it was her idea."

It takes all I can muster to keep the grin on. I'm not as good at this as Lilly is, but if I slip now...

Hanako starts to stammer out a response. "Um, I... uh..." Argh, I wasn't trying to catch Hanako in the crossfire. Sorry, Hanako. She continues, "If... it's Hisao... I don't mind..."

Wait, WHAT? I was just teasing him, but... did he actually get Hanako, too? That-

"Um... Akira... please..."

Lilly's expression is one of disdain. Actually, she has a point, this isn't doing any good. I'm just getting angry now.

Hisao decides to change the subject. "If you don't mind me asking, Akira, what do you do for a living? I've never seen you out of that suit."

And you're never going... oh, you didn't mean it like that. Screw it, the subject change is a good idea, it might get my mind off of Hanako. "Thinking about what to do with yourself after school's over, eh? I'm a lawyer. For the most part, I work in the legal department of the Japanese branch of our family's company. The most boring possible answer, I suppose. Law's a pretty dry topic to most people."

"Kinda."

"Oi, you're not supposed to agree."

Lilly and Hanako giggle a little at that.

Lilly chimes in. "It's nice to be back. I missed you, Hisao, and you too, Hanako."

"Same goes for the both of us. I'm guessing your classmates were happy to see you back."

"In a manner of speaking, yes."

I snort at Hisao's mistake. To be honest, I've made that same mistake myself a few times, but at least Lilly's got a good sense of humor about it.

Hanako pipes up. "Did you have fun in Scotland?"

Ouch. I look over at Lilly, and she's grimacing a little herself. Just for a moment, though, then her rehearsed mask goes right back on.

"It was... nice. I... we... hadn't met our family in such a long time, so it was a wonderful reunion."

Speak for yourself, Lilly. That reunion was awful. Still, I probably shouldn't air that dirty laundry with Hanako and Hisao. "Yeah, I guess that's right. Their house being beachside was the best part, though."

"You only liked that because you finally had time to play around."

"Just 'cause I'm the better swimmer..."

"I don't take after the athletic side of the family, that's all."

"Well, you can take heart in the fact that you got the height genes at least. And the bust genes..."

"That's not really the right kind of thing to say around others..." Game, set, match. I know Lilly's teasing back, though, she's not really offended by it.

However, when I look over at Hanako, I notice she's blushing furiously. Wait... hmm, maybe she DOES swing that way.

...

Damnit, NO, Akira!

We keep teasing each other for a while, before Hanako calls it a night. Once she does, I decide to get down to business. We haven't really talked since Lilly took Hisao and Hanako to our summer home for Marine Day. Lilly did call and tell me about confessing to Hisao, but I had to run to a meeting, so we couldn't talk much. And, seeing as our parents are on another continent, this job falls to me.

"So... I hear that you two are going out now?"

Lilly and Hisao nod, and then Hisao proceeds to bow.

"I'll take good care of your sister, Akira. I promise you."

"See? He's a lovely young gentleman."

Hisao looks a little nervous, actually. I won't tease him... too much. Lilly, though...

"The old-fashioned kind, huh? Well, he's the kind of person I guessed you'd go for. I don't have a problem with it, and I wish you two the best. Even if I didn't like it, I couldn't really do anything anyway."

Hisao and Lilly visibly relax at that.

"I do wonder though... how's the rest of the family taking it, particularly the part residing at Yamaku? Have you told her?

Like I said, doesn't mean I can't tease Lilly.

"'Putting up with it' may be the best term for the situation. Don't you agree, Hisao?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right. At least she's being reasonable about it."

"Good to hear. That girl can be a handful at the best of times. We sent a few messages back and forth during and just after the trip, and she was already busting my chops for seeing my boyfriend when we came back, after leaving Hideaki for so long. She really does care for the little guy." I just wish she and Lilly got along... she might be a handful, but she's a good person at heart. "Well then, that's settled. Gotta get to work early tomorrow, so I'd better be off."

I get up to head out, but remember something just before I leave.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you." I pause a bit, and watch Hisao and Lilly's faces closely. "Use protection. Every time."

Hisao's reaction is priceless, as he gags on his tea. Lilly replies, unfazed, "We are, don't worry."

Huh. Didn't expect her to admit to it that readily. Still, good to hear that she is using protection. "'Atta girl. Seeyas."

With that, I raise my hand in farewell as I walk out of my sister's room.

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Read all of it, then I thought "Why was this?" Then I scrolled up and

bhtooefr wrote:Here goes nothing

Alright then.

Really, I wanted to explore the possibility of Hanako x Akira. Nobody's tried it AFAIK. (This actually started out as Hanako x Akira being concurrent with Lilly's route, but too many things didn't line up for them actually being together.)

bhtooefr wrote:Really, I wanted to explore the possibility of Hanako x Akira. Nobody's tried it AFAIK.

*nods* The reason for that is that there's an inherent creepiness factor to that particular pairing on a few levels. In order to make a good story out of it, you either have to work to overcome it, or you have to run with it. This story kind of did neither, so it comes off a little weak.

I was mainly exploring whether the attraction could be there, with that, and used that scene in the VN because it had some suspicious elements that could be taken very differently from how they were originally intended, even if it didn't give me the opportunity to address the issues with such a relationship. There's a few other scenes that I can twist that way to justify that pairing, too, I think, and some from Hanako's direction more than Akira's.

I think it could be, so then the challenge will be working through Hanako and Akira's issues, with themselves and each other. And, yes, the age difference factor. Hmm, I should've included that. (But, I think Akira x Hanako is actually less creepy than Lilly x Hanako, despite the significant age difference (and it failing the age divided by two plus seven rule), because of the relationship dynamic being far more healthy between them for that.)

I also think that Akira could be good for Hanako in some ways. Not sure if Hanako would be good for Akira, though.

I've also considered setting it years into the future, where the age difference will be less of an issue. And there's a couple ways to run that I think, that might work well.

Spoiler alert: Akira's functional alcoholism will probably take a central role. In fact, it becoming less functional may be the catalyst for the relationship (which will be horrendously ugly).

As far as where I'll put it... I think it'd either be a rebound off of Hanako's bad end, or a few years after her good end (which would DEFINITELY involve Akira's alcoholism, and I could see it happening in an off stage of Hanako and Hisao having an on and off relationship). I can't see it working anywhere on Lilly's route - I was originally thinking that Akira was closeted and her "boyfriend" in the VN WAS Hanako (complete with the "newspaper club trip" being Naomi and Natsume making a cover story to help keep Hanako from being outed, when she ACTUALLY went with Akira to Scotland for summer break), but there's too much in the earlier bits to contradict that. The bad end, you already write my headcanon for that, the good end, Akira stays with her boyfriend.

Heh...yeah, I didn't say there wasn't a way to do it. I can think of a few, and setting it a few years into the future is one of the better ones. Given not just the age difference, but the life experience difference, I would have trouble seeing Akira coming off as anything but predatory if it occurred during the time of the VN. Again, not that that's something that wouldn't make for a good story if done right. Not my style, but you already know that .

Anyway, good luck!

I actually had a way for it to not seem quite that skeevy, if I started it during the VN.

(Namely, Hanako being so skittish around Hisao partially because she's not sure if she's attracted to him or Akira... and when he goes for Lilly, the decision's made for her, and Hanako becomes the predator (in her own way - she CAN be predatory when she feels she has to), not Akira. But, VN events ruled that one out conclusively. Or, rather, they ruled in-character versions of it out conclusively.)

The rebound idea is horrible, but I almost want to do it to show how bad of an idea it is. And, doing it off of the neutral end is actually the worst idea - I think the neutral end is the one in which Hanako grows the least, and it's one in which she may never grow from (and if that happens, I suspect she'll kill herself, because she'll realize she's not getting better, and even backsliding). The fridge logic for her neutral end might actually be worse than it is for Rin's neutral end. (In order of Hanako's growth as a person... I think it's probably Lilly bad end > Hanako bad end > Lilly good end ~= Hanako good end > Hisao coming to Yamaku and ending up on a non-Hanako/Lilly route while picking options that get him close to Hanako > Hisao never coming to Yamaku and/or not positively interacting with Hanako > Hanako neutral end.)

But, the several years later idea I think could work really nicely, especially when Akira's personality is contrasted against what I perceive to be the core issues of Hanako and Hisao's relationship. (Which I could totally see being on-again, off-again, especially in her VN route - Developments may have a healthier relationship for them.) Now I just need to figure out how exactly Hanako and Hisao usually break up, and figure out how many years I can plausibly stretch it out before they get completely fed up with one another and break it off permanently. (I know I can get it into university plausibly, but I'd prefer to get it further so that Hanako has some real-world experience under her belt too.)

bhtooefr wrote:Really, I wanted to explore the possibility of Hanako x Akira. Nobody's tried it AFAIK. (This actually started out as Hanako x Akira being concurrent with Lilly's route, but too many things didn't line up for them actually being together.)

Other than my own incomplete attempt at an Akira x Hanako, the only thing I've seen written regarding those two is an abandoned sex works by BlackRockHanako. I personally thought they would make a really cute couple but not many people seem to think so.

Link ->
I don't think it's on the ks.renai forums, my guess is because it's incomplete.

I'm actually giving myself the challenge of avoiding any H for this. Mainly because I know I'll butcher any H that I try.

Also, something to think about re: that ship... Akira came to Hanako's birthday party, and not her own sister's. Yes, she might've been too busy, but this is fanfic, so I can break out the Jump to Conclusions mat.