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You mixed up Lilly's and Hisao's lines from after she changes clothes. the speaker didn't change, there's just a small time gap between the two paragraphs where Hisao Isn't actively thinking about anything.
pt4

A quick series of beeps interrupts my sleep. I roll over and hit... nothing?

“Lilly?”

“Oh Hisao I’m sorry, I almost forgot you were here.” I hear a click and the beeping stops. I reach behind my head but a hand stops me. “Not yet Hisao, I just need another minute.” I hear the clothes moving around and I can feel the blindfold loosen. I slowly open my eyes to a (thankfully) dark room.

“Can you see?”

“Yeah.” I turn around and find Lilly in a light blue shirt and a skirt. Her hair looks wet so I guess she already had a shower this morning.

“The bathroom is just to the right as you head out the door.”

“Thanks” I fish my robe out of my bag and shuffle my way over to the bathroom where I begin my usual morning. After I finish putting on my clothes, Lilly shoos me out of the room for some reason known only to her. I decide to head downstairs and hope-

“Morning Hisao, did you have an interesting night?”Ah, she is up. They really do look like sisters now, either by coincidence or planning. Akira’s outfit looks like it would match Lilly’s; it’s a slightly darker shade of blue with a pair of pants instead of the skirt.

“Well I’ve never been blindfolded before.” The look on her face is priceless; I wish I hadn’t left my phone in the room.

“My sister blindfolded you, and then she slept with you?”

“Pretty much.” her face continues to amaze me, Shame it’s going to vanish when-

“Hisao? I’m sorry for chasing you out, do you need to take your medication?”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” I quickly head upstairs and take my pills. When I return Akira still has that face. Good thing I got my phone.

“Really Lilly? A blindfold? Seems a bit odd coming from you.”

“I fail to see why.” I move over and whisper a clarification into Akira’s ear. I’ve got my shot already.

“OH! jeez why didn’t you just say so.” She lightly taps me on the head with a fist. “Okay, so are we heading in after breakfast?”

“Shopping?”

“Yeah, I keep forgetting and I doubt you two have too many shops near Yamaku.” I nod. ”Okay let’s get started, I’ll be your chef this morning so feel free to relax.” I glance over at Lilly.

“Uh all joking aside. Can Akira actually make breakfast?”

“She can, but only when she isn’t pressured.”

The optimism she gave me is dampened when I see the meal, downright crushed when I taste it.

“I thought you said she can make breakfast!”

“I believe it supposed to be nutritious.”

“How is it?” Lilly lightly grabs my wrist and pulses the strength of her grip.

“Blunt honesty?” Akira bites her lip bracing herself for bad news. I brace myself against Lilly’s tightening grip.

“It’s uh, how often do you cook?”

“Okay, how bad? ” Akira looks over at her sister.

“It was... somewhat less than appetizing.” She tightens her grip on my arm again.

“Looked horrible, tasted bland and burnt.” Honesty hurts, a lot.

“Guess I haven’t gotten any better at this.” she manages to pull out a surprisingly happy smile

“You did not injure yourself this time, nor was the food harmful.” It’s the participant’s ribbon for trying at least.

“Oh well, just means it’s up to you two to cook.” The smile grows. She just got relived of all food preparing responsibilities before her morning coffee. I have to admit, I’m a little impressed. “So we get to go shopping now right?” she rubs her hands together, why does this frighten me?

(time skip)

My arms feel like they’re going to drop off, my feet hurt, and I think the bags are cutting through my fingers. This is why guys hate shopping! “Oh Hi-sa-o!” Akira points at another shop’s door, I can already feel the extra pain.

“Hisao are you alright carrying those? Your steps sound laboured and your breathing sounds like you are in pain.”

“Course he’s not Lilly, but they’re a girl’s shopping bags.” This woman’s boyfriend must be on a freaking leash. “Er, hang on... those are all ours right?”

“Yours are on the left, Lilly’s are on the right.”

“Right then, I’ll be taking those from you. You still have to get your stuff right?”

“Uh, yeah.” She grabs the bags and leans closer.

“Lingerie is just a couple doors down, little something for both of ya right?”

“Know a Braille bookstore? Or you know, another real suggestion?”

“Diamond ring? Seriously though, try the store two blocks down. Purple sign, ask for Miyu.” she pushes me in the right direction and turns back to Lilly.

I walk down the street until I find the purple sign over a small door; the sign itself doesn’t give much indication of what one might find inside. Oh well, only one way to know right?

“Hello?” the inside is dark, the light is dim at best. Pitch black at worst

“Hmmm don’t recognise you, just curious about the store?”It’s an old man’s voice; I follow the direction of the sound to the back of the store where I can just make out his wrinkled face.

“Uh, no. A friend of mine told me I might be able to find a gift here.”

“Freind?”

“Her name is Akira, she told me to ask for someone named Miyu.”

“Ah Satou I remember her, nice girl. Miyu you’ve got a client!”

“Hmm?” A girl’s voice drifts out from behind a curtain. Tapping and footsteps accompany her walking up behind the counter.

“Recommendation from Akira apparently; knowing her, she probably sent him here without telling him anything.”

“Oh” she moves her head so she’s looking across the counter, but not at me. It’s something I’ve seen Lilly do a few times. “I’m sure it will be a pleasure to work with you Mr...?”

“Nakai, Hisao Nakai.”

Her head snaps to face me as soon as I finish. It’s not just the light, I’m sure this young woman is blind. “Mr. Nakai then, could you step back here please? I’ll show you what I do here.”

(time skip)

“Thank you Ms. Satomi.” I turn around to bow as I exit the store. Useless really, but she did help me a lot.

“My pleasure, I’m always happy to help.”

“Yo Hisao!” Akira’s voice rings in my ears for a few seconds. “Ah, Miyo you’re done with my future brother in law?”

“Oh, are they-?”

“No, though I’m trying my best.” Please don’t, I’m sure if we want to get married we’ll do it ourselves.

“It was nice to see you again, please drop by again sometime.” Miyu walks back into her store and leaves the two of us. Akira looks at the box in my hand.

“She does good work eh?”

“I guess so, though I think you came a bit early. I still have to get something for you right?”

She tries to look as embarrassed as she can. “No no, the smile on Lilly’s face will be enough.” I’m not buying it. “Ok, I’m not that good a person. What were you thinking of?”

“Uh, earrings?”

“Nope, that’s a girlfriend thing. Step back a bit.”

“Er uh, snowglobe?”

She makes a weird face. “Not a decorative kinda person, try more useful.”

“A book?” last ditch effort is shot down with a nod.

“Try a cd, or a movie.”

Okay I’m through with guessing now. “Just tell me, I suck at this kinda thing.” She hands me a card with several items written down and tells me to pick one. An hour later my shopping’s finally done and we’re thankfully back in the car and driving back. At some point I fall asleep, which goes uninterrupted until someone starts trying to move me around.

“What is it?”

“We’re back Hisao.”

“Hmmmm.”

“What is it?”

“Another car, we’re the only ones who are supposed to be here.” my sight is still off but there’s something familiar about that car. That’s the... same... one... oh damn.

“Akira, I think we might have a problem.”

“What is it?”

“I know that car; it’s my... parent’s.”

“You mean your parents are here? Wow, there’s a mood killer.”

“Well if she didn’t come it wouldn’t be a problem but...” there’s no chance of that though. I spot something moving out the corner of my eye. “That’s my father, pray he came here solo.” I get out of the car and walk as calmly as possible to my father.

“Hisao! It’s good to see you again.” He grabs my hand in a firm handshake, thanks for not hugging me in front of Akira.

“You too dad, can I ask you something?”

“You don’t want to hear the answer, sorry.” So she is here.

“Where?”

“Sleeping in the car, you can probably slip inside before she wakes up.”

“Alright, give us as much time as you can.” I move as fast as I can back to the car while attempting to be quiet. ”Alright, my mother’s asleep in the car. We need to prepare for her as much as possible.”

“Must be one hell of a mother if you’re like this.”

“Very accurate word choice Akira, hell happens to be a very good descriptor for what you’re going to experience. And to think you’ve never met her before.” I lead Lilly out of the car and inside the house. “Look as natural as possible.” Akira drops herself on the nearest chair with the bags beside her.

“Could you take those upstairs Hisao?”

“Yeah, where should I put them?”

“Stick `em in my room.” I quickly comply and head back down and sit next to Lilly before the storm rolls in. It takes longer than I expected but eventually-

“Sorry for intruding!” blatant lies right from the start. “Hicchan!” she moves toward me, arms outstretched waiting to clamp down around me. I move closer to Lily to discourage her. The arms go down and her eyes begin glaring at their other target.

“Hello Satou. Taking care of Hicchan for me?” Venom drips from every syllable the passes through her lips.

“As best as his girlfriend can.” Lilly begins firing shots right back at her, this is going to be fun. And by fun, I mean painful.

“Hello I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Lilly’s sister Akira.” She reaches out to shake my mother’s hand.

“Very nice to meet you, I’m Hisao’s mother, and this is my husband.” She gestures back at my silent father while taking Akira’s hand.

I walk over and lower my voice. “So I assume it’s her plan to stay here for a few days?”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk her out of it.”

“Don’t worry; I had a nagging feeling ever since Lilly told me that she asked where we were going. Lilly probably had the same idea.” He lets out a sigh and assures me that the damage will be minimal, yeah right. Akira calmly pulls them away on the premise of taking them to their room. Does that mean Lilly prepared her sister for this event?

(time skip)

Dinner was tense right from beginning to end. It started with Lilly and Mom disagreeing over who would cook. It ended up as a war with me in the middle, Akira wouldn’t betray her sister, and dad... well for whatever reason he did marry mom out of choice. After that it just got worse when mom saw Akira and Lilly walk into separate rooms, leading to an unfortunate confrontation to which there was no other solution. There was (apparently) no space in Akira’s room so they couldn’t move Lilly and I’m not sleeping in the same room as my parents (something which even my mother objected to).

I fall onto the bed face first, tired from... everything. “Are you alright?” Lilly speaks over her shoulder on the other side of the room.

“I guess, just exhausted from today.”

“I am sorry about today; I did not actually think she would come all this way.”

“That’s alright; I’ve learned to expect her to do this kind of stuff.” I look over and recognise the movements from her back and arms. “Should I put on the blindfold?”

“Please.”

“Where is it?”

“Wait just a moment.” She undoes the ribbon in her hair and tells me to turn around.

“So it’s your hair ribbon, in that case can you move some of it a little lower?”

“You wish to... smell it?” Actually hearing it out loud makes it much weirder than it did in my head. “If I do that then you might be able to see through... or is that what you really want?” The thought had never actually crossed my head. I assume she’s teasing though, her voice get just a litter higher pitched whenever she does.

“Three steps to the foot.” I take two then feel for the edge, cautious to avoid what happened last night. I then take the previous night’s position.

“Turn over please.” I comply while keeping my arms close to my chest. “Right arm out.” again I obey, I then feel a weight on the upper part of my arm. “Left.” I extend my other arm and slowly raise it until i feel her flesh. I then fold them in to wrap around my body, careful to not stray too far up or down. “Thank you Hisao.” I feel something soft wrap around my arms, it’s not skin though. Feels more like fabric? “There, now we won’t have to worry about you moving around at night.”

“What if I roll?”

“You won’t be able to.” eh, oh well there are worse things... I guess.

... oh boy ">_>

I just started reading and already I'm thinking: "I fish out my robe and wizard hat..."

I'll give some more words on the subject after I finish reading.

EDIT:
And now for the actual stuff. Yeah, we were all looking forward to it; The Mom. You have a good hand at guiding the characters rather naturally, from what I see. It is, though, hard to tell at times because of a few points I'd like to illustrate next:
1) Although rather good (better than mediocre but not quite excellent), your dialogue is at times very ... sort of shallowly implemented into the text. Or maybe the other way around. You carry the story by discussions and Hisao's inner monologue, but the speakers lack quirks that would make them "stand out" from each other. At times this is exactly how it should be, but not seeing a difference in Hisao's and Lilly's choice of words is rather troublesome.
Especially so because you sort of still use the script type of text you started with but then again don't, which brings me to the second point.
2) I do think writing the way you write now, without the endless "Hi: 'bla bla bla'" is much better but I think you need to clear your dialogues up every now and then.
Give a hint who's talking at least every time it's someone we don't expect to talk. Two people talking? Easy, the every other line is x, every other is y talking. But what if z puts in a comment somewhere there? We're lost, most of the time, and I at least have a vague feeling you've done that at points with Hisao-Lilly-Akira three-way talks. It may be clear for you who's doing the talking, but the reader doesn't know. Improve your way of writing by adding a little extra "who says what" parts here and there to keep it more clear, intact (possibly more personal) and less text box -like. Will do a world of good.

That's my two cents. Everyone is free to disagree and lynch me *grin* However, don't do it without first thinking about what I said.

chaix wrote:You mixed up Lilly's and Hisao's lines from after she changes clothes. the speaker didn't change, there's just a small time gap between the two paragraphs where Hisao Isn't actively thinking about anything.

Looking back at it, I see why I was confused. In one line you had Lilly speak, Hisao describe his actions, and then Lilly speak again. AapoAlas's post describes the problem.

Anyway, you continue to present an entertaining story.

Awwwww shit, son. Dis shit's 'bout to get hardcore'n'shit.

How does his mother object to him being in the same room as her, but is totally fine with him sleeping in the same BED as Lilly?

She thinks (as Hisao did before) that he's on a futon. His father might suspect otherwise, but he's not saying anything.

pt 5

Something’s wrong here. I think I’m missing an arm, no wait I can feel it in my other hand. I can also feel that they’re still wrapped around Lilly. I use my good arm to try and nudge her awake, nothing. Okay, new plan: even a fairly quiet noise should be able to wake her up with her hearing.

“Lilly, could you please wake up.” she makes a sound that sounds like someone being woken from a good dream. She proceeds to roll in my arms so she’s facing me and well, her other parts are pressing against me. Bad plan, bad plan, very bad plan. If she moves too much before she wakes up, no this is already bad enough, if that happened and she got the wrong idea...

“What’s wrong Hisao?” her lucid voice rings like a bell in more ways than one. I can only assume she’s smiling, wondering how much she’s shaken me.

“How long have you been awake?”

“From when you started kissing my neck.” Wait, I did- no I don’t remember- while I was sleeping? No wonder she didn’t want me facing her before, wait Isn’t this the kind of thing that would usually break- crap, crap, cra- my downward spiral is interrupted by her badly suppressed laughter. “I’m sorry Hisao. It is not usually my habit to tease someone before they are completely awake.” yeah she’s probably grinning like some demonic fox whose plan has just worked perfectly. “You were just as respectful while you are sleeping as you are awake.” she moves my good arm to the side and rises off the other.

“How long before I can take this off?”

“I will when I am ready, until then-”she moves a finger until she finds my forehead and proceeds”- please wait for me dear.”

I think my heart just skipped a few beats. I can’t really do much until she gets back so... how long will it take me to get my arm working again?

Twenty minutes later the dark veil is removed. ”Thank you Lilly. Is anyone else awake yet?”

“I did not hear anyone else. I believe they are still asleep.”

“What time is it?”

“Half past six.” Way earlier than I thought. Early enough that running into anyone from my family probably won’t happen.

As it turns out, just thinking that jinxes me. “Morn” it’s barely a word, more of a grunt, either way it means Akira has interrupted my silent way to the bathroom. She really doesn’t seem to be all there though. She’s still in her sleeping clothes and her hair looks even messier than usual.

“Morning sis, you have a good night?” I perform a perfectly standard awareness check. The answer is less than comprehensible. “Mind if I go in first?” the speech is still indecipherable, but she does make a hand movement before turning back to her room.

A few minutes after I finish my morning prep though, she bursts into the room. “Hisao, what did you call me before?!” took her awhile to notice it. Judging by her appearance, it was about the time needed to take a shower.

“Oh, when did you notice it?”

“Just... n-” her eyes look down. Then back at the two of us. “Neither of you can go anywhere!” she darts out the door, presumably to change out of her towel.

“May I ask?”

“I performed an attention analysis experiment on Akira to gauge how attentive she was in her apparent half awake state this morning. Apparently she had a delayed reaction.” I wrap my answer in techno babble. Lilly sighs a little.

“What exactly did you do?”

“I called her sis. I thought it would feel weirder than it did actually.”

“That is all? Her voice seemed too agitated for that. are you sure you did not greet her the same way the exchange student did?” a memory I do not want to bring back, Lilly introduced me to her and the girl greeted me with a really close hug and a kiss on both cheeks. To say I turned red was an understatement, though I don’t think it was quite as vivid as Hanako’s after she was introduced.

“Kissing Akira? For all I know she’d have her tongue in my mouth before she realized it was me.”

“That... would not happen.”

The door opens again and in comes Akira in a white shirt and pants. Yeah, I’m not kissing someone who can pass for a guy that easily. “Alright, Hisao did I hear you correctly this morning?”

“I’m guessing you did but I was just checking how awake you were.”

She clicks her tongue and begins to look disappointed. “And here I thought I was getting a younger brother.” She seems genuinely upset over it, like I had just kicked dirt on one of her dearest hopes.

“Sorry, but I didn’t do anything that would make you my sister last night.”

“Oh, you did something before that?” She’s getting a smile that I don’t like, somewhere between a fox and a snake. Unfortunately, this smile also happens to destroy my ability to speak.

Lilly steps in to stop her sister before she digs too far. “If you continue inquiring, I am sure Hisao never wishes to acknowledge any connection with someone who-“

“A-all right Lilly I think I can restrain myself no need for that.” Akira takes a moment to calm down and erase the horrified expression from her face. “So what’s wrong? I’ve never heard Lilly so annoyed in the morning.”

“A bad memory, and... fatigue.”

“Oh, anything related to this guy?” she gestures at me.

“No, I adore Hisao. If anyone here is causing me an issue, it would be you Akira.”

“Eh, me? What did I do?”

“You have repeatedly embarrassed Hisao and me, not to mention the strain you placed on him while driving here.”

“Hey I apologized for the driving.”

“I do not attempt to embarrass you when I am speaking with one of your boyfriends.” Lilly is visually distressed now and I’m getting nervous. I don’t usually see her this way.

“I’m just trying to make sure that-”

“If Hisao and I decide to take that step, it will not be because of anything you did.” Lilly is... snapping at Akira. This is actually scaring me a little now. I wonder how long this has been building up in her. “Now sister, please leave before you cause me to say something I would regret!” Lilly uses the mere presence of her anger and forces Akira out without even touching her. I run through the rest of my routine and leave Lilly to calm down.

The rest of the morning moves along well, if silence can be considered a good thing. Even breakfast was devoid of conversation. And dad... well he probably got this far by not getting in the way. C’mon spirit of giving, sharing and happiness; help me out here please!

“Alright Hisao, this is from us.” My mother hands me an intricately wrapped box. I slowly take the wrapping off, trying to the paper from ripping. Inside is a blue laptop, looks like a good one too...

“Thanks dad, Thank you mother.” I just can’t shake the feeling of my mother trying to buy me. Ugh I feel horrible thinking about it.

Akira tries to move things along by giving her present to Lilly, not really much love in the air there either. It’s a nice gift too; the box is full of perfume and other girl stuff. She thanks her sister with her usual kindness; well I guess that’s good. At least someone seems to be trying to preserve their previous relationship. Next up is... well my gift to Akira. As I give it to her I can feel the air get heavier, well it’s just a action movie I picked from the list she gave me. Luckily neither of them ends up commenting on it. I give my parent’s their gifts without incident either.

I get slightly nervous as Lilly reaches for another gift that I remember her wrapping yesterday. From what I could tell it was some kind of movie set. When Akira gets it unwrapped though I see it’s some collection of foreign movies I don’t recognise. Akira looks happy enough with it, though Lilly’s smile looks a little forced.
Unfortunately, this just leaves two gifts. Both are going to be more scrutinized than airport luggage.

“Hisao, this is for you.”

“This is yours, thank you.” I guess she can feel the eyes on us too. Lilly’s trying to hide that she’s pressured; I really hope I’m the only one who notices it though.
She opens the paper with more skill than I did. She manages to get it off in one clean sheet “Hisao... is this from-?” I guess she can tell just from the wooden box. She opens it as if she’s done it a hundred times and runs her hand over the contents. Her thumb runs over the smiling expression that I held for over an hour yesterday. “Thank you Hisao, it has been awhile since I have received such a well made mask. Is this Miyu’s work?”

“Yeah, Akira sent me over there yesterday. It probably looks better than I do.”

“It is... smoother, but I can still recognise it as you.” She closes the lid and places the box aside. “Now how about you?” I realise that I’ve just been watching her open hers and my mind snaps back to reality. I quickly attempt to mimic how she opened hers; it doesn’t work quite as well.

Two stacks of books lay in the box before me... and the titles make very little sense.

“I tried to obtain a few of my favourite books. I believe they were translated quite well.”

“Oh from that shelf. This could be interesting.” I look at the titles as I remove them from the box: Ghost of the Play, earl of something, Alice - wait I actually know this one Alice in Wonderland. And this one is uh okay I can’t tell if the guy translating the title knew what he was doing or not. “Thank you Lilly.” I move my hands and touch Lilly on both sides of her body and press a little harder on the left side. She moves her head to the right and slides in between the rails created by my arms. It’s a pretty complicated process just to hug each other, but it stops unnecessary headaches.

“Was that cute or just odd?” my head snaps to glare at Akira. “Ok cute, lover going on fiancé kinda thing.” And it goes from bad to worse. I expect Lilly to explode again over Akira’s slip up; someone else goes and opens their mouth first.

“That looked more awkward than-.” My father reads the situation and keeps his mouth shut while the two women begin arguing.

”Your sister might actually have given us the best present today,”

“Why?”

“If they’re busy arguing, they can’t bother us.” She sighs and helps me gather up our gifts and slip upstairs and back before those two notice. My father is nowhere to be found; apparently he bolted after we did.

“Hisao, if you could, I’d like to request your mother for a moment.”

“Why ruin a good thing? They’re still going at it and my dad can get both of us back to Yamaku today.” Lilly sighs again. One forced conversation later and my mother has joined Lilly.

“I think she’s nuts. You know, like mother-child kinda nuts.”

“Take my word for it, she's definitely not. My wife is just... overly protective. I’ve seen her be very of some of her students too.”

“Your mother’s a teacher?”

“Yeah, I was lucky enough that I never went to the school she taught at. She’s one of those... enthusiastic types. The ones that you ask how the hell they got that job when they’re barely more mature than the students.”

“What subject does she teach?”

“Math” I nearly laugh as I say it. The fact that that person teaches the most calm, logical subject should be looked at as some kinda cosmic joke. Akira just blinks a few times; apparently she doesn’t have the universe’s sense of humor.

“So what do you do old man? Paperwork? Management?”

“Heh, sometimes I wish. I write scripts”

“Like for plays?”

“No, it’s for animated stuff. His company does a lot of that high energy stuff, lots of screaming and guys getting beaten up.”

“Your family is weird you know that?”

“Since the day I realized what weird was.”

“And you’re not ticked that he just called the two of you weird?”

“I said the same thing about my parents; my wife probably said it too. It doesn’t bother me at all.”

“Honey, could you help me in here?” even in passing, the devil appears.

“Just a second, I’m talking with-”

“Dear, your conversation can wait. I however, need you NOW!” I briefly wonder what motivates him to walk through that door. I’m guessing either fear, or this is just part of their odd way of being in love... yeah, gotta be fear.

The rest of the day passes without incident. Dinner was actually far better than I had imagined it going this morning. Apparently my mother and Lilly are on better terms, Akira stopped making marriage jokes, and dad wasn’t on anyone’s bad side anyways. On the other hand, a good dinner for this group looks like a funeral to everyone else. Not a lot of conversation, but no underlying tension like this morning or last night.

Nice story but the second half definitely needs more hints about who's talking to whom. I had to read most of it twice and with some lines I am not sure who's talking even now.

The conversation was confusing as hell. It's really difficult to pick out who's talking. I suggest you go back and try to elaborate more on who's talking so we're not left sitting her going, 'huh?'.

It definitely is harder to write in this format when they are multiple characters together in a story and then things get mixed up that its hard to find you way back. Might I suggest more desciptive statements after the dialogue to keep things in check.

the specific area where the confusion pops up is during the Hisao/Akira/Father conversation at the end right? I figured that there might be a problem there. Are there any major problems?

chaix wrote:the specific area where the confusion pops up is during the Hisao/Akira/Father conversation at the end right? I figured that there might be a problem there. Are there any major problems?

For me, just that specific part. Beyond that, everything else is fine.

Sorry this took a while.

(final day)

I briefly wonder how I ended up like this, sleeping on the floor. Then the list pops up and reminds me of the last couple days. First Akira and my mother started going at it, then the next day Lilly got fed up with it and tried to intervene putting her at odds with my mother once again. Then Akira tried to help me get along better with Lilly, which turned upstairs into a war zone. The last few days have alternated between complete silence and the poison-filled conversations that fill the air in here. Two days ago Lilly finally broke her apparent self imposed rule about keeping her anger at other people away from me. I touched her on the freaking shoulder while she was cooking and she snapped at me like a rattlesnake.

All this just brings me back to my current situation: on the floor, under a very thin blanket. I am freezing, I am uncomfortable, and I didn’t sleep too well last night. When I get downstairs and go to have something to eat, I find more fun waiting for me. I can hear voices, loud voices, the kind of voices associated with an argument. I guess they can’t wait until a more convenient hour and since I’m hungry, I decide to go in anyways. I don’t even care about what they’re arguing about; I just try to dismiss it as background noise... until-

“Hisao, just the person we needed-” shut out Akira’s voice, shut out her voice “-to settle this. Which do you prefer, an old bat-”

“Stop insulting me in front of my son!” which bread should I use for toast? Which one, which one?

“Isn’t hard when you’re such a nutty old hag that-” Jam I need jam, I definitely need-

“Some slutty little witch and her marriage crazy bitch of a sister are not taking-” WHAT EXACLTY IS IN THIS JAM ANYWAYS? IT SMELLS GREAT!

“I will not permit you to talk about my sister that way, even if you are Hisao’s mother.” boiling point hit, next person to talk-

“My sister can take better care of-”

“Akira... SHUT THE HELL UP!” my outburst seems to have quite the effect, silencing all three for a moment as they gather themselves.

“Looks like my son has-”

“Oh yes, I’ve come to my senses and I’m wondering why I’ve been hesitant to date a girl. I’ve finally realized it, it’s because when I brought a girl over in fourth grade you nearly kicked her OUT OF THE FUCKING HOUSE!”

“Hisao please calm yourself down and-”

“Calm down? Form the person who was so irritated with me for no reason that she kicked me onto the floor FOR THE LAST TWO NIGHTS?” I catch a glimpse of my mother’s face out of the corner of my eye. “OH DON’T MAKE THAT FACE, WE’VE BEEN SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED FOR MONTHS AND YOU’RE STILL EASIER THAN LILLY. YEAH I HEARD FROM DAD, YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH HIM IN LESS THAN A MONTH AFTER MEETING HIM!” I begin breathing heavily and growling at the three in front of me. None of them speak. I stand fuming until someone makes a sound, a spark on a stack of firewood and matches. “WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHRISTMAS? YOU THREE HAPPENED. FOR THE LAST SIX DAYS YOU THREE HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT ARGUE LIKE HARPIES!”

“But Hicchan I-”

“IN MY BEST INTRESTS RIGHT? IF YOU ACTUALLY HAD THOSE AT HEART YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TRIED TO INTERFERE AT EVERY TURN! HELL, NONE OF YOU WERE ABLE TO PUT ASIDE YOUR ARGUING FOR ONE FREAKING WEEK AWAY FROM SCHOOL. To all three of you: I hope you have a nice day arguing, it’s built ON THE ASHES OF MY CHRISTMAS!!” I grab my breakfast and slam the door behind me, or maybe I didn’t, I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears so I might not be hearing correctly.

After finishing my breakfast, I hear someone walk up behind me. “What, you want to try and yell at me back?!"My head whips around expecting to see one of those three, instead it finds the only person here who hasn't pissed me off. "Oh, it’s you, sorry.” My father walks over to the chair across from mine.

“Bad morning?”

“They were already fighting, I just joined in.”

“Ah, still pissed?”

“Yep, want me to give you a taste?”

“No thanks. You do need to calm down though.”

“Probably-” I see my mother coming into the room out of the corner of my eye. My head spins, and I let out a noise generally reserved for angry bears. She apparently decides that forgot something in the other room.”-but I keep wanting to do that.”

“Go outside, take a walk; I’ll try and smooth things over in here.”

“Good idea, I don’t think I can be here without yelling.”

I grab my coat and head out the back door to avoid everyone else. I walk outside into the surrounding forest. For a minute or two all I hear is my shoes in the snow. Over to my right I notice a large tree, it’s a decent place to sit down after I clear it a bit. Ok not so decent, this thing has a knot right in freaking back, still better than the other trees though.

How long ago did I come out here? Did I fall asleep at some point, no maybe all the memories are just running together. I can’t have been out there as long as I thought I was so why...? Oh that’s why, I’ve seen this before, that grey sky, the thin boney trees, yep been here before. If I recall right about now is when I heard...

*crunch crunch crunch*

Wow, is my memory that, no I’m actually hearing it. That means there’s someone else coming this way. I instinctively quiet my breathing and move a little to the side. Sure it’s not likely, but who knows what kind of crazy person might be out in this forest. As the footsteps get closer I take a breath and hold it as the person passes. Once I hear the steps get a few metres away I let it go. I edge myself out and look at what passed by: long blond hair, long skirt, Lilly?

I try and move as silently as possible, the snow is not making it easy though. She stops in front of a small stone and clears the snow off of it before... praying?

After a full minute, she parts her hands and raises her head. “May I ask who is following me?”

Guess the snow was noisier than I thought. “Just me, I was trying to calm myself down and I heard you walking.”

“Do you know what this is Hisao?” her voice sounds like she's holding something back.

“Uh, a shrine?”

“It is a grave; I had a dog that died while we were here a few years ago.”

“Oh, is this where you went when we first got here?”

“Yes.”

“Any chance its part of why you’re irritated?”

“I suppose it might be. Christmas tends to be a bad time of year for me.” Well I guess there has to be some reason that this time of year has a high mortality rate. “Do you mind if we sit somewhere?” she guides me over to a tree and has me clear a sitting area.

“So, do you hate Christmas or something?”

“No, chance just seems to be cruel to me this time of year.”

“I know you said you lost your dog but that doesn’t-”

“Would you like a list?”

“Go ahead.”

“Beginning from six years ago: my dog passed away, influenza two years in a row, the year after that we were snowed in. Then my... current partner at the time decided to leave-“

“So your boyfriend dumped you... on Christmas?”

“-over the phone actually.” That bastard. “The next year I had to move away from my sister, then- then this year.” She makes a face that looks like she staring at my mother.

“Sorry about them.”

“No I am sorry as well; I could have tried to be more-”

“You’ve been considerate enough. I’ve still got an urge to walk back in and-”

“That... is not something you can do again. You did not see or hear yourself this morning.”

“What, did I say something weird?”

“By the end of your... talk, the other two mentioned that your legs were close to buckling. Your breathing was ragged and your voice sounded off.”

“I didn’t feel-”

“I suspect the adrenaline of yelling kept you from feeling it. The last time you looked like that... you had to be in the nurse’s office for several days.”

“Sorry”

“It did force us to make an agreement though.” Huh, at least this time my heart was good for something. ”Akira has been asked to stop her harassment. You mother... ”

“Did she finally put on her black robes and fly away on a broomstick?”

“She agreed to not interfere with your private life.” Holy- I must’ve looked like I was really going to drop from a heart attack if she agreed to that.

“Did you have to agree to anything?”

“I am not allowed to show my affection for you in front of your mother until graduation. And I cannot interfere or become angry if my sister is genuinely attempting to help us.”

“So you’re done arguing?”

“We have simply come to the conclusion that you would pass significantly earlier if we continue to aggravate you.”

“Fine then.” I push myself off the ground.” Your hand please.” She reaches up in the general direction of my head.

“Hisao, I suggest you choose different words? Those could be taken as a proposal by certain people.”

“I’m sure I’d use a better line than that.”

“I assume you would also be the one kneeling.”

“Right, sorry.” I take her hand and help her up.

“One thing before we return.”

“Yeah?”

“This-”

“We ran into each other on the way back right?”

“Thank you.”

We slip inside the back door and head upstairs. My packed bag sitting in the corner, Lilly’s bag is sitting on the bed. Hers is surrounded by meticulously folded clothes of varying colours; some I’ve seen her wear this week, some I haven’t. She places each one carefully inside the bag, twisting several and putting them in like a big soft jigsaw puzzle.

“You, you back yet Lilly?” the loud voice is paired with an equally loud hammering on the door. Opening the door rewards me with a knock on the head.

“So what am I, A wooden doll or something?”

“Oh you’re here, I was wondering where you’d disappeared to.”

“I was taking a nap until I was so... rudely interrupted.” I throw out a quick, believable story that should stand up to scrutiny. Not that Akira is a person who questions everything around her.

“So were you-”

“Sister, our agreement.”

“And two makes it a party.” She’s trying to skirt her side of the agreement by looking at the ceiling, and directing her comment to no one.

“And three is just soo much more fun.” Yeah, there was nothing about me harassing you in that agreement was there?

“Jerk, it’s no fun when I can’t hit back”

“Hitting? I’m not hit-” a hand pulls my shoulder back and downward.

“Hisao, I would prefer If you did not try to irritate Akira too much. You should try to stay calm for the rest of the day.” I guess not, poking the caged animal is usually considered to be pretty low... and possibly dangerous.

“So, you both packed?” we answer in near unison.

“Good, very good. Drag the bags down Hisao; I’ll get the car ready.”

“If you need help Hisao-”

“I’m g-good.”I pick up both cases, one in each hand. I lose my hold on Lilly’s before I can leave the room. “Okay, two trips.” Even with two hands I still have to drag it on the floor. *ka-thunk ka-thunk ka-thunk* oh I hope that didn’t leave a dent in the stairs. Outside is slightly easier, though. I hear a second sliding sound behind me.

“Hisao, I brought your bag for you.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Hey Hisao, did you see your parents after this morning?”

“No why?”

“It’s like they both dropped off the face of the earth.”

“I heard noises coming from their room. Perhaps they are getting ready to leave as well?” An image is forming in my mind...

“Akira, harass us quickly!”

“What?”

“Make some horrible joke about me NOW! MAKE ME ANGRY!”

“Uh- uh- Hey Lilly, can you actually feel it when Hisao puts his tiny-”

“Thank you! Now get in the car and start driving like a maniac!” I violently push Lilly inside the car while Akira jumps into the driver’s seat. The tires squeal as they try to gain traction on the ice, when they do, Akira spins the car around and starts heading toward the city.

“Hisao, why?”

“Please, do. Not. Ask.” She makes an odd face, only to have it wiped away when Akira drifts around a turn. I tell her to stop since my brain is now preoccupied with the fear that we’ll hit a tree.

(Time skip)

“You okay with those?” Akira gives me a worried look as she sees me struggle with both bags.

“Don’t worry, I’m perfectly-” I strain my arms picking up both bags”-fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Y-yeah.” It probably looks like I’m forcing myself to smile right now, well I am. “Go ahead, I’ll take care of Lilly for you.” suddenly she looks like she’s in pain for some reason.

“Thanks, I guess. I’ll try and come by tomorrow so we can go to the shrine.”

“Please call if you cannot come pick us up.”

“I’ll try sis, see you two later!” she pops back into the car and drives off while we wave.

“Alright then, you want to take your bag?” I get a very sweet smile in response, shame I’m not naive enough to think it means yes.

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” I take a breath and begin moving the bags from the gate.

“Female dorm tradition says that out supervisor will allow our male companions to stay until the very early morning. I will ask if this is also the case this year. If so the three of us will be able to celebrate together.” I put my bag down for a moment and check my watch; it’s about eight pm right now and the sun is behind the hill. Not a lot of time for alternatives if Lilly’s inquiry goes bad.”Hisao, you should be able to leave my bag with the supervisor. I will go inform Hanako that we have returned.” Thank you. If I had to carry this thing all the way up, I’d probably say something regrettable.

As per Lilly’s suggestion I leave the bag with the dorm mother (and even she thought it was heavy) before heading to my room. The common room is already got more people than normal, all split off into groups. As far as I know the guys here aren’t that rowdy, but I’m still happy that I might not be here tonight. After all, if the guys with girlfriends all head over to the other dorms, then that would mean the guys here are mostly single. Eventually they’ll be divided into two groups: the guys who ‘welcome’ the opportunities in the New Year, and the ones who mourn their failings in the year past. The former tends to get too energetic, and considering how it turned out, I don’t have a lot to mourn.

My bag is dropped next to the desk; I follow it by falling on the bed. I don’t want to unfold stuff tonight; I should have something for tomorrow in my closet though. I should check though... nah too much effort involved. I’ll wait thirty minutes; if Lilly doesn’t call by then I guess that the tradition has changed. Yeah I just have to stay wake until then.

(Twenty nine minutes, thirty four seconds later)

I hear my phone go off right as my brain starts shutting down. Given the ring...

“Hisao, are you coming tonight?”

“Y-yeah, you checked with the dorm mother?”

“Yes, there is no change from previous years. We will wait for you in the common room.”

“O-kay, I’ll be there in a minute or two.”

“You sound tired.”

“Just a little. Shouldn’t be a problem, see you soon.” I slap myself a few times to wake up and hop out of bed. I skip my coat and opt to speed my way over to the girl’s dorms.

“W-welcome back Hisao”

“Thanks, did you take care of yourself while we were gone?” she nods and motions toward the common room. There are a few people already here, all other couples. Compared to the guy’s room, this is a ghost town.

“L-Lilly?”

“Over here.” Her voice breaks the atmosphere in the room. I bow slightly to try and apologize to anyone who had their moment killed as we make our way.

“Might want to keep it down. Couple of the guys here look really nervous.”

“L-Lilly, could you move t-to the left?” Lilly slides into my shoulder to make more room for Hanako. The dark haired girl leans over to give me a smile and thumbs up.

“Hisao, I am against you correct?”

“Yeah it’s me.” I move my hand to the other side of her waist and pull her in. No resistance- good sign.

“H-Hisao, who’s that?” Hanako points to the TV where they’re starting their new year’s show.

“Oh him? He’s the singer for a band. I guess he’s hosting the show.“ He’s pretty pumped up about it too; either that or it’s loud wherever he is. For the next couple hours they have a few other bands play, a comedian here and there, not the best show I’ve seen but I’m more concerned that Lilly’s been fidgeting the whole time.

“Lilly are you cold?”

“No, why?”

“You’re kinda... shaking.” She takes a breath and her body calms down. “better.” the show switches over to the traditional giant digital clock.

“Ten” I whisper it, still conscious of the other guys in the room.

“N-nine” Hanako joins in my count.

“Eight” our three whispers join and become louder.

“Seven” the whispering in the entire room becomes audible

“Six”

“-Hisao can I ask you something?”

“Five”

“What is it?” I can feel her shoulder start shaking again while she tries to breathe calmly

“Four”

“I-I need to know something.” She’s stuttering. Lilly never does that unless she's really nervous.

“Three”

“What?” I can hear Lilly’s nervousness slip into my voice. I close my eyes and breathe out

“Two”

“About what you said before, about us. - I would like a promisethat-” she begins rushing her question.

“One”

“-Inthefuture, youwill-“ the rest is overshadowed by the yell from everyone else in the room as the clock turns over.

“Lilly, what did you say? I couldn’t hear.”

“I am sorry, it is not something I should ask you.”

“If you’re sure.” she doesn’t look like she wants to drop it though. Since I don’t know what it is though, I can’t really do anything. “Lilly, can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Could you call me ‘dear’ more often?” I’m probably red, at least as red as Hanako’s face is right now. Lilly- Lilly looks like she’s about to have a heart attack of her own.

“I- I believe that is possible.” Satisfied with her smile I look away. Then I feel Lilly push me to the ground, followed shortly after by something soft covering my mouth. I try to call out her name but she doesn’t seem to be in a responsive mood. I guess all I can do is go with it and ask myself: what the hell just happened?

...kinda cluttered again, but I liked it nonetheless.

Keep up the good work with things like this. :3

beautiful! good ending. tho i want oh so much more. im to used to reading my fanfiction on AFF lol