Katawa Haha

[Goldilurks]

Tentative and slow work, but work, has begun on Hanako's chapter.

Suggestion - put words in Speech Marks inside those little narrative boxes like they do in Comics. Easier to separate and crap.

It's what I had in mind. Sorry I didn't make it clearer.

Hah, well, Hisao... yeah, I'm not entirely happy either. I'll just wig his hair out something fierce. His sleep has been interupted for a while now, making him look beat might just do it. And HANDS, yeah, I'm just going to find a decent pair of hand motion used in sign and base it off that, forget it. Panel one's sign is more or less right though, it's for "Go to sleep", go figure. :K

You did research for this? You awesome person! I caught the hand symbols in the first panel and liked that little detail immensely.

Last but not least, I ACTUALLY practiced drawing an anime-ish style for a change between page 2 and this, so I'm a little happier with Shizune's apperance, and another reason she looks more herself might just be the fact that she's got the angry-eyes going. And drawing a night-gown is less akward now.

I notice the improvement. Not to sound like an incredible perv, but she still looks kinda flat. Other than that, spot-on.

EDIT UPDATE: Found a pic on the shimmie that looks like a great adult Rin.
[shimmie]1145[/shimmie]
Not a bad idea to use that for her chapter as reference. Not in those clothes, of course, but still.

[El Jay]

[THIS MESSAGE CROPPED TO REDUCE TL;DR]
You did research for this? You awesome person!

:3 I feel fuzzy. And that's not just cause of the body hair either now.

EDIT UPDATE: Found a pic on the shimmie that looks like a great adult Rin.
[shimmie]1145[/shimmie]
Not a bad idea to use that for her chapter as reference. Not in those clothes, of course, but still.

Now see, that's funny. Rin is the one girl I've drawn the most. Maybe it's because she's supposed to be an artist, maybe because she's a space-case like I get sometimes, but either way, that just about looks like I'd want to draw her. Hot damn.

Oh yeah, speaking of character designs, any particular ideas on how you'd want Yuu to look in the 4koma for the end of Shizune's story? I don't really want it to look like some character I'd think up, with all the whack-job psycho's I wind up drawing. XD; Like, I know she's a bit similar to her mother as stated in the writing, but then, not entirely. Any pre-existing characters to base her off of and personalize from?

[Goldilurks]

:3 I feel fuzzy. And that's not just cause of the body hair either now.

You might want to get that looked at. Have you experienced disorientation, nausea, or excess sweating?

Oh yeah, speaking of character designs, any particular ideas on how you'd want Yuu to look in the 4koma for the end of Shizune's story? I don't really want it to look like some character I'd think up, with all the whack-job psycho's I wind up drawing. XD; Like, I know she's a bit similar to her mother as stated in the writing, but then, not entirely. Any pre-existing characters to base her off of and personalize from?

Truth be told I am not sure; didn't put all that much thought into the character. I originally was thinking Shizune with dark brown hair tied back into a long ponytail. However, we could complete her mother's progression from grade A Zettai Ryouiki to grade S++ and give her twintails.

If you've watched Black Lagoon, Revy's hair was what I originally had in mind. Face is the tricky part; we'd be drawing it dynamically, as she grows from young child to young woman. I do recall that Hasegawa Chisame from Mahou Sensei Negima is close to what she could look like with twintails *AND* appears in that manga at both junior high school and child ages. Consider her.

EDIT: Oh, and even if you are planning to change the last panel there, don't change the perspective. You nailed the viewpoint.

[El Jay]

[cropcropcropcrop]
Truth be told I am not sure; didn't put all that much thought into the character. I originally was thinking Shizune with dark brown hair tied back into a long ponytail. However, we could complete her mother's progression from grade A Zettai Ryouiki to grade S++ and give her twintails.

Just to get this right in my head, being the massive durrr I can be, 'complete her mother's progression'. Are we still talking Yuu here or Shizune now? D:

If you've watched Black Lagoon, Revy's hair was what I originally had in mind. Face is the tricky part; we'd be drawing it dynamically, as she grows from young child to young woman. I do recall that Hasegawa Chisame from Mahou Sensei Negima is close to what she could look like with twintails *AND* appears in that manga at both junior high school and child ages. Consider her.

Ah, alright. I can look a few things up, experiment and such. If it's just going to be a 4koma, I'm not putting MASSIVE effort into it, but I like getting things to look as close as I can to a thought without killing myself over it.

And yeah, I'm only going to change the hair and hand in the last panel, no worries. Whacked out hair for restless nights, and hands that don't look like "a fumbled Hadouken or close-fisted Jazz hands", to para-phrase good ol' Ozymil here.

Keep an eye on this post or my next one by the way, either one will have the first draft of the linework when it's over. I've taken a little time away again to play a few of my games, rest my hands after all the wood I've been unloading, and keep an eye on my old cat. Little bastard stroked out a few days ago. All in all things have been wonky as of late. But stuff's settled again, and I've got my fill of TF2, L4D, and the like again, so it's back to drawing. Aces.

[Goldilurks]

Just to get this right in my head, being the massive durrr I can be, 'complete her mother's progression'. Are we still talking Yuu here or Shizune now? D:

Yuu. Shizune only lacks twin pigtails to achieve Grade S Zettai Ryouiki. Yuu could finish what her mother started.

Ah, alright. I can look a few things up, experiment and such. If it's just going to be a 4koma, I'm not putting MASSIVE effort into it, but I like getting things to look as close as I can to a thought without killing myself over it.

Yeah, no stress about it.

And I hope your kitty is okay.

[El Jay]

GENTLEMEN, I HAVE BEEN MOTIVATED.

Well actually, it's more like, I got incredibly distracted by watching Gurren Lagann, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei and other stuff, and finally kicked my ass hard enough to make myself finish this page out of pure spite of my lazyness, BUT REGARDLESS.

Have page three of momma Shizune's antics. There's no word bubbles yet because I wanted to show you guys that YES I DO DRAW THINGS STILL, hahah. However the word bubbles shouldn't be a problem at all. I'll keep them simple for now and save them as a seperate file, so if I do want to color this all in nicely, I don't have to do finicky things with letters and boxes.

ks shizune page 3 inks.jpg (243.66 KiB) Viewed 11110 times

So first things first. I said a bit ago that the sign language in this page was pretty real. By that I meant that my stupid ass made them signing ASL, not japanese. I went to correct this mistake, when I realized that gosh darnit finding these signs in japanese is like looking for a man in China knowing that he has black hair, is average height for an asian and has slanty eyes. Good fucking luck there. Number two; No this is not how I'd draw Hisao when he's older. This is Sleep-Deprived Special-Edition Hisao (now in chocolate by special order), for when you need someone to look as beat up as possible without getting into bar-fights.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! (/Billy Mays) To try and stem some of the comments on me being a Van Gogh whore, I actually checked and double-guessed myself on how the crib, dresser, bed, and picture frame looked. If they're out of whack still, then jeez I think I need an art teacher again. Also, I tried to keep Hisao's forehead to a minimum, to keep him from going Man-Ritsu (yeah I actually looked at him before the ink were finished and I thought 'Mother fucker he really does look like her, shit'.) Now outside of all that, feel free to let the shit be tossed you monkeys. But don't make me change Hisao's body, I think of him actually taking care of himself with exercise and such, so I picture him being built somewhat well. Call me gay if you wish but god damnit Hisao is going to be buff, and you'll have to pry him out of my cold dead hands to change that.

.... I mean.... yeah.

[Commissar Mecha Milk]

...Dude, don't be too hard on yourself. I think they look cool.

[ZystraL]

This is good. And I mean very good.

My points before I decide to start colouring this (god forbid):
Her hair in panel 2 looks a bit too large and out of shape.
Hisao's hand in Panel 3 looks either too large or is too close too his mouth. Either way, I think it looks awkward.

Other than that, Loving it.

[Guest]

Again, the chest seems to be a little bit too small.

[El Jay]

...Dude, don't be too hard on yourself. I think they look cool.

I need to be hard on myself, you have no clue just how bad I can get. D: If it weren't for pushing myself back into the game, I'd be sitting around, watching videos and chewing the fuck out of some Big Red, and doing nothing else.

This is good. And I mean very good.

My points before I decide to start colouring this (god forbid):
Her hair in panel 2 looks a bit too large and out of shape.
Hisao's hand in Panel 3 looks either too large or is too close too his mouth. Either way, I think it looks awkward.

Other than that, Loving it.

Yeah, I see what you mean about the hair now. I can shrink it down somewhat. Also, Hisao's hand is pressed a bit above his chin, like the (ASL or not) sign for "what is wrong". Closest thing I could find to match "What's eatting you?". Could do with a little repositioning though. Possibly.

Again, the chest seems to be a little bit too small.

Argh, I knew this one would come sooner or later. XD; They were actually smaller before I finished too. That makes two "tit's ain't big enough" comments though, time to fix that.

[Ozymil]

Shizune-milf makes me feel tingly in my pants.

REALLY loving the change in style, by god, even Hisao is starting to grow on me. Everything looks a lot neater as well (photoshopwin?) and the increased detail just makes the comic as a whole look much better. I'm not without the customary gripes, however; Hisao, while he no longer resembles Ritsu, is really starting to look like Edgeworth of Phoenix Wright fame. Also, his arm in the third panel looks a tad disproportionate and chubby, and his hands in the first panel are LIEK XBOX HUEG.

All in all: JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO DRAW HANAKO

Edit: Probably just cut down Hisao's batarang hair a bit, add his ahoge, and all will be well. ALSO: FUCK YEAH KAMINA

[El Jay]

Shizune-milf makes me feel tingly in my pants.

REALLY loving the change in style, by god, even Hisao is starting to grow on me. Everything looks a lot neater as well (photoshopwin?) and the increased detail just makes the comic as a whole look much better. I'm not without the customary gripes, however; Hisao, while he no longer resembles Ritsu, is really starting to look like Edgeworth of Phoenix Wright fame. Also, his arm in the third panel looks a tad disproportionate and chubby, and his hands in the first panel are LIEK XBOX HUEG.

All in all: JESUS CHRIST I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO DRAW HANAKO

Hahaha, I always get a kick out of your gripes. XD; Damn. But yes, Photoshopwin. Open Canvas can only do so much.

Onto the gripes (of wrath. dohoho) though. I can no longer look at this page without hearing a loud OBJECTION, thank you good sir. I'll see what I can do about that though. One thing, I forgot his ahoge-thingy. The top his hair is too flat as a result. D: The arms, yeah, I actually thought about cutting them down some. Then i said "FUCK IT IT IS 5 IN THE MORNING I WILL TOUCH UP LATER" and went to sleep. Same with the hands, I didn't like them, too tired to handle it, and this thread needed some Frankenstein'ing, stat.

Overall, got myself a good idea of what to touch up. One of these days though, I'm just going to give Shizune balloon-tits to throw you guys off, see if I just get told I draw them too small for the hell of it.

Also YES HANAKO. Oh god I can't wait. And I gotta admit, this whole ordeal is making me a better artist, you guys rock.

Edit: Okay, I changed a few things up on the last page. http://xxryokuxx.deviantart.com/art/Kat ... -137957357 Just so I don't spam images here and make you guys load a ton of crap, here's a link to where else it's uploaded. Feel free to open this and the old version in seperate tabs to compare all you want. If there's still something not right, tell me exactly what you mean, because I can't think of much else needing fixing on my own.

[Goldilurks]

I've seen a lot of cool ideas form on message boards, get thrown around by people, and not come to anything. It's rather inspiring how the devs kept KS from that fate.

I do not think I want to see Katawa Haha go the same way.

Apologize for the delays. Hanako's chapter will be up within the hour.

[Goldilurks]

Hanako’s Chapter

• Page One
  First Panel: Close up on Hanako’s hands, examining a tomato. She’s in the grocery section of a supermarket (though we can’t see more of that in this panel). The reader should be able to identify whose hands they are by the scars, which are more faded and muted than we saw in KS, but still visible. She’s turning the tomato around in her hands to examine all sides for blemishes.
  Natsuko: “Mommy?”
  Hanako: “Yes, honey?”
  Second Panel: Now we zoom out to get a good look at Hanako and, as you may have guessed, her little girl Natsuko. Hanako is wearing a blue maternity dress with her hair tied back in a ponytail; the bulge at her waist says second trimester. The texture of her scars are still visible, but they don’t look inflamed like they do in KS (if you color this, lose the pink and use her normal skin color). Yes, the softening of her scar coloration is a deliberate leitmotif decision – they don’t “burn” her anymore. Natsuko is a timid young thing about five years old. She’s currently clinging to her mother’s skirt, on Hanako’s left. A good mental image would be of Hanako shrunk to five year old proportions, with more baby fat still on her cheeks and waist, and slightly shorter hair. Natsuko is wearing a summer dress with a bear face logo on the front. Two frilly ribbons tie her hair into pigtails. They’re browsing through the grocery section; Hanako is placing the tomato in a bag in their little shopping trolley (one of those two wheelers for those who don’t go shopping with a car; if your city has a Chinatown, you’ve seen these). You can see a few faceless bystanders stare in Hanako’s direction from the background, but nothing overt.
  Natsuko: “D-don’t we need to get the radishes as well?”
  Third Panel: This can be smaller than the other two panels in this page. We see Hanako smiling at Natsuko. Natsuko isn’t looking directly at her mother’s response, though. She’s glancing to the side; something bothers her.
  Hanako: “Ah, we don’t have those yet. Would you go and fetch them please, Natsuko?”
  Natsuko: “Yes, Mommy.”
• Page Two
  First Panel: Introduce the faceless anonymous. No, not that Anonymous. This is a small panel giving a closeup on a face without a face – someone is staring over the grocery section at Hanako. I deliberately want to have the face blank of features – no eyes and no nose, maybe even no mouth. We’re going for an unfeeling, impersonal leitmotif. As far as layout, I planned this page to have six panels of equal size laid out in a 2 by 3 arrangement, in sequence so that every panel focusing on Hanako and Natsuko is directly adjacent (both vertically and horizontally) to panels focusing on the anonymous bystanders, and vice versa.
  Second Panel: We see Natsuko carrying an armful of radishes nearly a third as big as she is in the direction of Hanako and the shopping cart. She’s aware of the looks her mother is getting from the other shoppers; this can be illustrated by little nervous sweatdrops or just facial expression.
  Hanako: “Thanks, honey. That should be plenty.”
  Third Panel: Hanako pulls her little cart down an aisle, pulling goods (boxes of dried noodles? Cans of vegetables? Something dry) off the shelf. Natsuko doesn’t have to be visible in this panel, but we can see her in the foreground or perhaps off to the side if you feel it helps the panel. Artist’s discretion.
  Natsuko: “Anything else, Mommy?”
  Fourth Panel: Two faceless shoppers at the other end of the aisle catch sight of her. The taller of the two, presumably a parent or older sibling, is visibly trying not to stare. The younger of the two is staring while saying something to the taller, who seems to disapprove.
  Hanako: “No, that should be the last of it.”
  Fifth Panel: We see the faceless cashier talking to Hanako. It’s a close-up on the cashier’s expression, and while we can’t see her eyes it’s obvious she’s trying to be polite.
  Cashier: “Would you like any additional bags with that, ma’am?
  Sixth Panel: Close-up on Hanako responding to the cashier. Her smile is genuine and not forced, and she doesn’t seem afraid at all to look the other woman in the eye. From the ease with which she’s speaking you’d think no one was looking at her scars.
  Hanako: “I should be fine with just this, thank you.”
• Page Three
  First Panel: Wide panel view of Hanako and Natsuko walking down the street, from behind. Hanako is pulling the trolley with her left hand and holding Natsuko’s hand with her right. Natsuko is holding Hanako’s hand with her right and trying to help pull the trolley with her left – it’d be unfair to make Mommy pull it all by herself, you know. The sun is low in the sky but not touching the horizon yet.
  Hanako: “So when we get home, remind me to finish getting your little brother’s room ready. My, I don’t think your grandmother wants to let him go tomorrow.”
  Second Panel: Bird’s eye view of Hanako and Natsuko again. Natsuko has a stubborn look on her face; sibling rivalry maintains itself even at a distance. Hanako can only laugh kindly at her daughter’s cute expression.
  Natsuko: “Chouji gets to visit Grandma more than I do. It’s not fair.”
  Hanako: “Now now, Chouji isn’t in kindergarten yet. When he starts he won’t be able to travel as often either. You can share your grandmother, can’t you? Your new little sister will need time with her as well.”
  Third Panel: Natsuko is declaring something with the kind of authoritative air little kids manage when they think they’re sounding like adults. She clearly thinks she’s talking Serious Business. Hanako is Bill Cosby-grade amused: her kid says the darnedest things. This will be a relatively small panel.
  Natsuko: “She’s going to be a girl. That’s different.”
  Fourth Panel: As previous panel, except Natsuko’s expression changes to one of more active concern, if not distress.
  Natsuko: “I wish we lived closer to Grandma. I wanna see her more.”
  Hanako: “That would be nice.”
• Page Four
  First Panel: This panel looks upward at Hanako giving an expressive shrug. She’s giving Natsuko a ‘don’t you think so?’ look. We can put Natsuko in the close foreground and let most of the panel focus on Hanako, framed by sky.
  Hanako: “We have to make do with the way things are, honey. It would be nice to live closer to your grandparents, yes. But here you’re close to your friends, and your school, and Aunt Lilly. Isn’t that nice?”
  Second Panel: Natsuko nods in a very childlike manner; an innocent affirmation that what Mommy says is clearly right this time. She’s looking up at Hanako in this panel. If we want to reuse the perspective from the previous panel, we can reverse it by putting Hanako in the close foreground and focus our view from above on Natsuko, framed by the street.
  Natsuko: “Yes Mommy.”
  Third Panel: Focus on Natsuko’s face as Hanako affectionately touches her daughter’s cheek with her right hand. Note that her right hand (still holding Natsuko’s hand) is the burnt one. Natsuko’s eyes follow the burns as if seeing them for the first time. This’ll be a smaller panel than the previous two.
  Hanako: “That’s a good girl. Things can be bad or good depending on how you look at them.”
  Fourth Panel: Same size and viewpoint as the previous panel, on Natsuko’s face, as she looks up in the direction of Hanako’s face.
  Fifth Panel: Same size as previous panel, this time returning to Hanako’s smile. The right (burnt) side of her face should be conspicuous.
  Sixth Panel: Same size and viewpoint as panel four, with Natsuko looking away from her mother, kind of upset.
  Seventh Panel: Same size and viewpoint as panel four, Natsuko looking back to her mother, still kind of upset but gathering courage.
  Natsuko: “Mommy?”
  Hanako: “Yes, honey?”
• Page Five
  First Panel: Bird’s-eye view of Hanako looking down at Natsuko. Her expression is more neutral – not offended, but not trying to influence her daughter’s line of inquiry. Natsuko is asking a question she’s embarrassed to put forward.
  Natsuko: “Did they think you were sick?”
  Hanako: “Did who think I was sick?”
  Natsuko: “Everyone back at the supermarket.”
  Second Panel: This panel takes a view of Natsuko level with her head, which also gives us a good look at Hanako’s pregnant belly. Cut the panel off above Hanako’s stomach; we want to keep the focus on Natsuko. The little girl’s expression is brightening a little bit but still distressed, as she thinks she’s found an explanation that works out nicely for everyone. This will be a smaller panel, relatively speaking.
  Natsuko: “Their looking was mean. That’s what I thought. But maybe they thought you were just sick, and that’s why they looked at you like that.”
  Third Panel: Now we have a Natsuko’s-eye-view of Hanako, who is laughing softly. There’s the slight hint of sadness in her eyes, as though she wasn’t looking forward to this conversation with her daughter.
  Hanako: “No, honey, I don’t believe they thought I was sick.”
  Fourth Panel: Same perspective as last panel. Hanako has stopped laughing and is noticing Natsuko’s facial expression.
  Hanako: “Natsuko?”
  Fifth Panel: Close up on Natsuko’s little hands grabbing Hanako’s right hand and holding them in a reassuring manner.
• Page Six
  First Panel: Close-up on Natsuko’s face. She’s near tears, but is trying not to cry as she’s a big girl now and she doesn’t cry any more.
  Natsuko: “Mommy, don’t be sad. I don’t think you’re ugly. Don’t be sad, please.”
  Second Panel: Very small panel, close-up on the lower half of Hanako’s face. It is a reassured, confident smile.
  Third Panel: Equally small panel on Hanako’s left hand, letting go of the shopping trolley handle.
  Fourth Panel: Larger panel as Hanako kneels to give Natsuko a hug. I’m thinking we could do this in silouhette, but I’m willing to follow artist’s discretion here. I don’t really have much of an idea for this panel besides the size.
  Hanako: “Oh, baby, it’s all right. I’m not sad.”
• Page Seven
  First Panel: Close-up on Natsuko from behind, still hugging her mother. Hasn’t started crying yet. Relatively small panel.
  Natsuko: “But Mommy, they were staring at you!”
  Second Panel: Same perspective and size as their previous panel, as Hanako leans back into the hug, lifting Natsuko off her feet (partially supported by her mother’s pregnant stomach).
  Hanako: “So?”
  Third Panel: Slightly larger than the last two. Hanako sets Natsuko down with a self deprecating grin.
  Hanako: “Oof! You’re getting too big for me to lift you anymore.”
  Natsuko: “You really aren’t sad?”
  Fourth Panel: Close-up on Hanako’s hand grasping the trolley handle again, in reverse of last page’s third panel. In the background we see Natsuko’s face, looking at her mother.
  Hanako: “Well, people staring used to make me sad. But like I said, things can be good or bad depending on how you look at them.”
  Fifth Panel: Largest panel on the page, this will be the focal point. From behind Natsuko (who is visible in the foreground but not too prominent) we get a look at Hanako as she begins pulling the groceries again. Her posture is open, relaxed, confident.
  Hanako: “And how I see it, I’ve got a kind, pretty daughter who cares about my feelings.”
  Sixth Panel: Much smaller panel. Close-up on Natsuko’s face. She doesn’t look like she’s about to cry any more. Her mouth is a perfect little “o” of childlike comprehension.
  Hanako: “Looks pretty good to me.”
  Seventh Panel: Even smaller panel. Close-up on the small smile forming on Natsuko’s face.
  Eighth Panel: Zoom out, panel size closer to the sixth panel. We see Natsuko starting to run to catch up with her mother.
• Omake Yonkoma
  First Panel: Natsuko (now eight) is dressed up for Halloween with her friends, a boy and another girl. She’s in a little soldier uniform, while the boy is in a red devil suit with horns and trident, and the girl is dressed up like a yuki-onna with a kimono and fake snow all over her. They’re approaching a suburban Japanese home with bags full of candy. Natsuko’s talking, and the other two are nodding agreement.”
  Natsuko: “Let’s take a break and drop our stuff off at my place.”
  Boy: “Sure!”
  Second Panel: Head-on view of Natsuko knocking on the door, flanked by her friends behind her. The two are grinning.
  Natsuko: “Mommy! We’re back!”
  Third Panel: Hanako answers the door, pulling it partially open. She’s in dirty white shawl with her hair half combed over her face – the left side of her face. We need to evoke some serious Sadako shit here, or maybe even glinting eyes. Of course she’s reaching for the kids with the burnt hand.
  Hanako: “…NATSUKO…YOU BROUGHT GUESTS…HOW NICE…”
  Fourth Panel: Hanako is in the foreground laughing with a hand over her mouth, while Natsuko is yelling at her angrily. Her two friends are in the background; the boy is running off screaming while the girl cries in fright.
  Natsuko: “Mommy! Don’t scare my friends like that!”
  Hanako: “Ohohohoh! Sorry…”

Author's Notes: This was a lot more work-intensive than I remember the last ones being; more panels, and more pages. If there's anything that kinda feels off to me about this comic, it's that Hanako feels very Western and not very Japanese here. From what I've seen of Japanese mothers and how they interact with their children, the above isn't it. Then again, ya gotta write what you know, and I don't have Japanese family. Given that we've got her kids enjoying Halloween in the yonkoma I'll let the cultural conceits go this time, although it does clash with the somewhat-Japanese manner in which the anonymous shoppers were acting. Maybe one of you guys got lucky and she moved to North America to marry a handsome nerd.
Lilly's all that remains for the original five. After her chapter, I'll probably do the Yuuko and Kenji omakes first.

[Elroy]

That was my favorite! Then again I have a Hanako bias...but still, it was very inspired and well made!